Shitty Cinema

Universal Soldier - Van Dammeuary

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 09:44:27 -0500

This week we learn how to make cars more fuel efficient, how to hide secret killer soldier programs from the government, and most importantly, DO NOT sign up for an arts and crafts class taught by Dolph Lundgren!

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Second in Command - Van Dammeuary

Tue, 03 Feb 2026 19:58:14 -0500

Van Damme and the military sitting in a tree, k-i-c-k-i-n-g. First comes coup, Second in Command, watch a recycled movie starring Jean-Claude Van Damme!

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Multiplicity - Seeing Double

Mon, 26 Jan 2026 21:03:40 -0500

One, two, Keaton's coming for you. Three, four, pretty sure the marriage certificate is out the door. Is it polygamy if it's a gaggle of clones? Asking for Andie MacDowell.

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Gemini Man - Seeing Double

Wed, 21 Jan 2026 21:55:51 -0500

In South Atlanta he was cloned and raised, with Clive Owen is how he spent most of his days. Shootin' guns, ridin' bikes all cool, but dads gotta die so I can go to school! So a couple a feds, one was retired, try to figure out how I was sired. We got in some fights and my dad didn't care, so my clone daddy shot him, yo home to Bel Air (University)

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Pass Thru - Seeing Double

Mon, 12 Jan 2026 13:52:59 -0500

Neil Breen wants you to know 3 things: that you might be corrupt, your bankers are DEF corrupt, and he could but chooses not to bang tigers. We just want to know 2 things: have you seen it and would you watch it again?

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Sonic the Hedgehog 3 - Seeing Double

Sun, 04 Jan 2026 11:49:13 -0500

Is this Keanu's worst film? Will birds no m know how to get home minus a half a moon? Can someone smarter than us tell us who is right about getting the moon cut up because we know DAAAAVE can't be right. Check to see if the math if 3 space rats + 2 Jim Carrey's = 3 cinemite would watch it again adds up!

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The Merry Gentlemen - Hellish Holidays

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 13:19:44 -0500

The final week of 2025 has been spent figuring out how one affords a NYC apartment on a job that employs you one month a year, how many mediocre small town strip shows a night you'd have to do a night to save a bar, and will they EVER SHOW PEEN?!

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Santa Jaws - Hellish Holidays

Sun, 21 Dec 2025 12:10:25 -0500

Another week, another round of N@zi magic ruining everyone's holiday. This week however, we get one cute shark WHO KEEPS THE HAT ON FOR MORE THAN ONE SCENE (take notes Elves...). Listen in to see what our favorite kill was, what we think Grandpa REALLY did on the side, and if this makes the cut for our background noise on the big day itself.

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Elves - Hellish Holidays

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 19:52:52 -0500

The 3rd Reich takes over the 12 days of Christmas with 1 inbred virgin, 1 homicidal (but sweet?)elf, and 1 mall Santa with undiagnosed emphysema. Is it enough to add up to a 3 out of 3 would watch again? LISTEN TO THE EPISODE AND TELL US TOUGH GUY

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Reindeer Games - Hellish Holidays

Wed, 10 Dec 2025 19:21:50 -0500

Have you ever lied about your boyfriend being your brother to manipulate an ex con into hitting a tiny casino for Christmas? Well they try to make this Ben "AFlick" film a thriller when this is very clearly a D flick.... with the only dick you'll see being Ben's face

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As Good As Dead - Stream Roulette II

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 17:28:49 -0500

Michael Jai White is just trying to run a mime fight school when Tommy B's Boys decide to ruin the fun. Can MJW save this low budget film from the same fate as the other stream picks this month? CAN MJW JUST BE BATMAN ALREADY? YOU LET THE SPARKLEMAN , NOW LET SPAWN!

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Ten Toes Down 2 - Stream Roulette II

Mon, 24 Nov 2025 17:52:12 -0500

On this episode Casey and Lorenzo get into shenanigans, Dave argues that Debra should lose her house, and Jay stands behind some messy drama with Ten Toes Down (2).

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Furious Road - Stream Roulette II

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 19:08:47 -0500

Jay compares this to Neil Breen classics, Casey predicts when this was recorded based on outfits, and Dave hypothesizes about the wardrobe and BYO Crocs.

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Security - Stream Roulette II

Sun, 09 Nov 2025 17:39:05 -0500

What do you get when you have 5 mall cops, a rainy runaway and a Ben Kinsley cult? If you ask Jay, he'll say an excuse for Antonio Banderas to wear a beard, rrrrrrrrrrreow

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Ava - Stream Roulette II

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 17:51:23 -0500

It's a new month and a new facial hair look for Colin Farrel! This week the roulette wheel of fate gave us a grey washed action flick, with a grey goose soaked lead. Come for the Colin Farrel mustache talk, stay for our fear of John Malkovich 🤷‍♀️

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The Warrior and the Sorceress - High Fantasy

Sun, 26 Oct 2025 19:44:36 -0400

David Carradine prances around the desert like a dusty rave bunny while stoking a gang war all to save a woman who has burlap friction burns on her most private parts. Come for... the dust? Stay for the high art that is the theatrical poster of this film!

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Wrath of the Titans - High Fantasy

Sun, 19 Oct 2025 14:48:44 -0400

A classic Greek tale parsed through Hollywood and then Shitty Cinema. Turns out we have a lot of thoughts about Liam Neeson's Zeus, Jay gets worked about how how un-shitty the Greek Gods are, Dave has strong feelings about making out while covered in blood, and Casey praises a child on purpose?!

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In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale - High Fantasy

Sun, 19 Oct 2025 14:41:47 -0400

Would you put a Tony Soprano in an old timey movie? Would you go zip-lining with Ron Perlman? Should Burt Reynolds be on a full size horse or would it be safer to assign a Shetland Pony? With high fantasy anything is possible.

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Fist of the North Star - High Fantasy

Sun, 05 Oct 2025 21:26:13 -0400

Kicking High Fantasy off this month is an anime brought to the silver screen starring a jarring set of eyes, Dante Basco, and one too many Penn brother's for Casey's taste.

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Shoot 'Em Up - Shooty Shooty Bang Bang

Wed, 01 Oct 2025 20:22:58 -0400

How many boys will Monica's milkshake bring to the yard? Would you let Clive Owen be your doula or just your father figure? Leave with more questions than answers this week!

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Once Upon A Time In Mexico - Shooty Shooty Bang Bang

Sun, 21 Sep 2025 17:42:15 -0400

This week we keep blasting through to another guntastic classic with One Upon A Time In Mexico, where Jay and Dave debate is this a bad movie while desperately avoiding Casey's córner.

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Wanted - Shooty Shooty Bang Bang

Sun, 14 Sep 2025 13:58:45 -0400

Dave discovers men will unlock an organ before getting therapy, Jay is just BEGGING to get kidnapped in a pharmacy, and figure out if this film is all we ever WANTED!

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Equilibrium - Shooty Shooty Bang Bang

Thu, 11 Sep 2025 20:04:07 -0400

Pow pow! We're starting season 8 with a bang! This week Casey cheats by bringing her favorite Christian Bale anti reading film, but fear not, it is far worse than we all remembered.

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Tremors 2 - Rewind

Mon, 28 Jul 2025 21:12:41 -0400

Casey takes her maiden voyage on the Tremors train as we pull into the last stop of the season. Can a straight to VHS sequel bring us to a unanimous verdict for the last time this year? Can you legally blow up crustaceans in Mexico?

Shitty Cinema will be off for the month of August but will be returning in September with Season 8!

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Dracula 3000 - Rewind

Sun, 20 Jul 2025 19:43:31 -0400

Jay answers all of the android coitus questions no one here asked nor wanted to know about, Debow saves the day, but nobody can get Dave to admit he regrets trying to shoehorn this into a different month about JUST one person.

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Blood and Bone - Rewind

Wed, 16 Jul 2025 09:00:29 -0400

Michael Jai white can do no Michael Jai wrong, Casey respects Gina Carano phone number delivery game, and we decide if it's creepy to have your potential boss surprise show up post coitus with a baby on his knee (Dave answer may surprise you, and most likely disappoint you).

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Sextette - Rewind

Fri, 11 Jul 2025 11:52:17 -0400

Casey admits she is not able to be Mae West impartial. Can you blame her? Come for the octogenarian seducing every man in 10 yards, stay for more Beatles in this film than you thought!

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7 Golden Vampires - Just Dracula

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 21:22:30 -0400

Dracula is DEFINITELY in this film... just as someone else. We talk Kung Fu, Peter Cushing, and the ultimate sacrifice, and pre-family annihilation...

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Dracula Untold - Just Dracula

Wed, 25 Jun 2025 13:21:07 -0400

We continue Just Dracula month with an Untold story! On this episode we grapple with Dracula's superhero origin, complain about Luke Evans torso, and have deep questions about blindfolding your army as a marching strategy.

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Dracula 2000 - Just Dracula

Sun, 08 Jun 2025 12:21:22 -0400

This week we visit a turn of the century gem which serves as a time capsule of since forgotten stars. Can Wes Craven's good name save this movie? Can Casey STFU about Gerard Butler's contacts? Did anyone actually pay attention to this story? Stayed tuned for an important apology from Dave...

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Van Helsing - Just Dracula

Tue, 03 Jun 2025 17:21:38 -0400

This month we are doing vampires. Not just any vampires -- Just Dracula! Casey gets us started as we sample our first Dracula of the month. On this episode we spend far more time than we should on how vampires reproduce and was it a doozy!

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Ryan's Babe - Upstairs Neighbors

Sun, 25 May 2025 11:58:47 -0400

Shitty Cinema does Canada's "The Room"! Dave quotes Beyoncélations 3:16, Casey remembers why original 4loko is banned, and Jay needs to know every trucker origin story OR ELSE!

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Tiger Claws - Upstairs Neighbors

Sun, 18 May 2025 11:25:18 -0400

Bolo Yeung would make a great centaur, is the most emotionally supportive dad at the tiddy bar, and ages like fiiiine wine. Guess who got to write the description this week?

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Goon: Last of the Enforcers - Upstairs Neighbors

Mon, 12 May 2025 20:54:28 -0400

A hockey goon okay, which is a tough guy, you know someone that beats people up. In this episode we learn some surprises about Jay, Casey tosses some strong opinions, and Dave wants more fighting.

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Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever - Upstairs Neighbors

Thu, 08 May 2025 21:46:32 -0400

This month we head to our Upstairs Neighbor Canada to see what lovely films they can share with us. On this episode we all share our feelings about Antonio Banderas, Casey spends a lot of time in her corner, and we try to figure out just what kind of assassin Lucy Liu is best as.

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Redemption: Kickboxer 5 - Stream Roulette

Sun, 27 Apr 2025 10:36:34 -0400

Can Mark "The Throat Goat" Dacascos stop the rise of an evil kickboxing league? We will find out this week, just like we found out breaking sports equipment with your neck isn't the best way to get funding for your youth karate school, but if you want Casey to write a check to your organization, that's a guaranteed signature.

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The Moderator - Stream Roulette

Mon, 14 Apr 2025 19:13:38 -0400

This week on Stream Roulette we girl boss our way through a beautiful Morrocan landscape and that's the nicest thing we can say about movie. Tubi, DO YOU TELL ANYONE NO EVER?

Special thank you to our newest Patreon Toby: thanks to you less of our episodes will sound like this one!

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Shootfighter 2 - Stream Roulette

Sun, 06 Apr 2025 16:33:30 -0400

This week, we aspire to be so good at fighting that we can dress like a Joestar. And while this film has a great starter side character energy, it still leaves us with burning questions: Will Bolo ever go topless in this film? Couldn't that fix the riff between him and his brother?

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Clifford - Hello Felow Kids

Sun, 30 Mar 2025 16:18:49 -0400

This was slated to be our longest episode ever, but we instead cut down the anti Martin Short talk to 1%, thus leaving a regular length episode. Casey hates the decision.

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Powder - Hello Fellow Kids

Sun, 23 Mar 2025 21:54:50 -0400

Dave and Jay delight in ruining yet another baby Casey heart throb. We talk about why some perverts shouldn't make movies and what in tarnation Lance Henrickson is doing in this film.

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Tuff Turf - Hello Fellow Kids

Sun, 16 Mar 2025 09:00:00 -0400

This week we really are trying to pay attention to the movie, but the weird family dynamics between a boy mom and her oldest Brian take us to a turf almost 2 tuff 2 tread.

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Never Been Kissed - Hello Fellow Kids

Sun, 09 Mar 2025 09:28:27 -0400

EVERYONE IN THIS MOVIE GO TO JAIL RIGHT NOW. It's fine. It's fine, we can make it through an entire podcast without calling Chris Hanson , right?

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Jack - Hello Fellow Kids

Sun, 02 Mar 2025 15:39:40 -0500

March brings stormy weather and feelings to the cinema. Driving us further apart are these hotly debated topics: 1994's Powder, head cannons, and hot pudding. maybe that will make more sense after you listen. Maybe it wont'. Let us know your pudding feelings online.

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Wake of Death - Van Dammeuary

Mon, 24 Feb 2025 20:25:24 -0500

Will we close this holiest of Van Dammeuary's with a split sighting finally? Or will we drive ourselves mad searching?

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The Hard Corps - Van Dammeuary

Sun, 16 Feb 2025 13:28:09 -0500

Though this is Van Dammeuary we do figure out how much a back alley Nic Caging costs (hint: you might be surprised), Vivica A. Fox's hot flash schedule, what it is like to thirst trap a funeral, and how you know your side piece is a keeper.

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Kill 'Em All 2 - Van Dammeuary

Tue, 11 Feb 2025 20:28:36 -0500

This week we can all agree that licking your bosses blood is poor office etiquette. Kill 'Em All 2 is 42 percent Mentos frolicking.

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Darkness of Man - Van Dammeuary

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 19:59:08 -0500

It's TIME! Shitty Cinema's favorite month of the year is here and we kick it off with Darkness of Man. Come for the questions about splits, stay for the Mentos moment, and of course beware Casey's Corner.

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Wizards - Twin Wins

Tue, 28 Jan 2025 07:48:18 -0500

This week the gang doesn't get indoctrinated, but Casey will not HEAR of anyone calling WeeHawk messy. Rotoscope, Frank Reynolds as Frodo Baggins, and a rotten Rasputin, what more could you ask for in a film?

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The Barbarians - Twin Wins

Sun, 19 Jan 2025 09:00:00 -0500

This week we dive into the Sword and Cheeks genre featuring twins David and Peter Paul again. Casey spends some time ranking various sets of Paul brothers, we speculate about what a goose would do inside of a Paul body, and can you even take a villain seriously if he cannot manage crying and driving at the same time?

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Killing Streets - Twin Wins

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 22:17:42 -0500

This week we talk the ultimate cabbie, the bully to gym teacher pipeline, and much more. Bring some binoculars because we are also on the prowl for some birds 🐦

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Double Trouble - Twin Wins

Sun, 05 Jan 2025 11:29:39 -0500

This month we double our pleasure AND fun with Double Trouble starring our two new favorite twins. Do we love an odd couple? Obviously. Will we ever find out what happened to the kitten in this movie? As Casey always points out in movies older than 30 it's probably dead now.

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Christmas Bounty - A Chrismas Miracle

Sun, 29 Dec 2024 12:18:11 -0500

Shitty Cinema does Christmas (late)! Is this a less romantic version of Point Break? Is WWE Productions just lifetime for the emotionally unavailable? Will Dave ever stop evading tough questions about rusty musical instruments? Avoid your family to find out.

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The Incredible Burt Wonderstone - It's Magic

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 19:57:29 -0500

When your career is in the toilet and you are couch surfing, don't forge that sometimes you just need gas station drugs to turn your art around!

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Wizards of the Demon Sword - It's Magic

Mon, 16 Dec 2024 21:03:25 -0500

Crouching wizard, definitely out-in-the-open nipple... this week's episode can only be described using a word salad, so bring a fork baby. And if you see an open set, you can just start filming a movie there... it's probably not illegal! (Our attorneys advised us to remind everyone this is not legal advice as though you would take legal advice from a few jokers whose podcast centers on toilet humor)

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The Last Witch Hunter - It's Magic

Sun, 08 Dec 2024 17:50:38 -0500

This week we dive deep into Vin Diesel's OC. How does his D&D character fare in this movie? We all try to impersonate him to find out. Plus, Dave wishes he could be a witch just to make his messy house look clean, Casey discovers her feelings about Vin Diesel with a mohawk and beard, and Jay is jealous nobody wants to make a movie out of his favorite D&D character.

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Cade: The Tortured Crossing - It's Magic

Mon, 02 Dec 2024 16:00:57 -0500

Neil Breen's green screen dreams won't make you feel unclean, but we're calling PETA on his tiger queen. Listen to figure out what that means?

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Billy Jack - Blue Jean Badasses

Sun, 24 Nov 2024 13:05:13 -0500

Will Dave use his secret Google to find out about Tom Laughlin's foot phalanges? Will he ever get over his fear of community theater nerds? And most importantly, who hurt him?

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Firewalker - Blue Jean Badass

Sun, 17 Nov 2024 19:37:17 -0500

New Cinemite drinking game: every time Casey screams "Gimli" or refers to Chuck Norris' "shit sweat" take a drink. Sit and liksten as we process Dave's selection this week.

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Redeemer - Blue Jean Badasses

Sun, 10 Nov 2024 09:42:52 -0500

Dave learns another important IMDB tags lesson while Jay and Casey learn that a real Chilean dentist doesn't kick you in the chest to remove a loose tooth. Who knew?

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Remo Williams - Blue Jean Badasses

Sun, 03 Nov 2024 11:43:10 -0500

Fred Ward dazzles us in the most blue jean badass way possible: killing dozens of construction workers at a national monument. We assume that our founding fathers wipe away a tear of approval.

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Lucky Girl - Ramblin' 'N Gamblin'

Mon, 28 Oct 2024 21:09:23 -0400

Sometimes you have to read the IMDB tags on a movie to find out what kind of Canadian debauchery we've gotten ourselves into. And by you, we mean Dave, because he's got good insurance.

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Wildcard - Ramblin' 'N Gamblin'

Sun, 20 Oct 2024 22:37:24 -0400

This week we see Jason Statham over stimulated, and over Milo Ventimiglia's awful date ideas. While we love a whimsical Tucci everyone is going to need to donate to Jason Statham's solid food fund.

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Stealing Las Vegas - Ramblin' 'N Gamblin'

Sun, 13 Oct 2024 15:56:10 -0400

While watching this film Casey is reminded of the "Where's My Money Bitch Holes" on the Price is Right, Dave refuses to believe that this isn't a student project that scored Eric Roberts, and Jay falls in love with an unlikely person.

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Runner Runner - Ramblin' 'N Gamblin'

Tue, 08 Oct 2024 16:39:51 -0400

Jay and Casey try to make a compliment sandwich but struggle when the only filling is this shit film. Dave loses his mind of the lack of poker playing and Justin Timberlake's performance is almost as captivating as a yeast infection.

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The Last Dragon - 300th Episode

Sun, 29 Sep 2024 12:00:00 -0400

This week SHO NUFF we celebrate an amazing SHO NUFF milestone thanks to all of our list-SHO NUFF-eners and Patreons for lending us their ears. Happy 300th SHO NUFF episode sweet cinemites, we love you SHO NUFF!

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Sniper - Lucky Number Seven

Sun, 22 Sep 2024 21:39:18 -0400

Tommy B and Billy in the jungle trees, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes capture, then comes Tommy minus a finger and 8 movies!

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Furious 7 - Lucky Number Seven

Sun, 08 Sep 2024 11:15:58 -0400

The only thing more furious than the driving this week is Casey's rage for the utter disregard for physics. Tied with Dave's bad Vin Diesel impersonation. Where' Jay you ask? Just checking out the tailpipe of a Buick Skysomethingorother...

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Godzilla 1985 - Lucky Number Seven

Sun, 01 Sep 2024 09:39:19 -0400

Shitty Cinema is back with season 7! This week, Casey discovers her dream job, Dave is skeptical of your Godzilla expert credentials, and Jay dreams of Raymond Burr?

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Garfield: The Movie - Movies To Sell Toys To Vol I

Sun, 28 Jul 2024 20:07:07 -0400

Have you ever been diagnosed with BEPTSD (Black Eyed Peas Traumatic Scene Disorder) after being exposed to Garfield: The Movie between the year 2004 and present day? You may be entitled to some compensation. Listen to this episode to feel worse...

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Superior Ultraman 8 Brothers - Movies To Sell Toys To Part I

Sun, 21 Jul 2024 11:20:27 -0400

This week we get sold on eight times the amount of toys with SUPERIOR ULTRAMAN 8 BROTHERS! Are we about to become fan boys (and buy all the toys) or will we decide to pass on the family reunion?

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G.I. Joe: Retaliation - Movies to Sell Toys To Part I

Wed, 17 Jul 2024 17:50:19 -0400

We love a long weekend at Storm Shadow's, Jay longs for the more flamboyant days of GI Joe, and we ALL stan Lee Byun Hyun!

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Fantastic Four (2005) - Movies To Sell Toys To Part I

Tue, 09 Jul 2024 18:43:02 -0400

This week we watched something that made us ask ourselves... can you poop in the Fantastic Four suits? Do you ask for permission or forgiveness?

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Ninja Assassin - MFin Ninjas

Sun, 30 Jun 2024 10:13:11 -0400

We end the month on another Sho Kasugi favorite 😍. Casey is ready to make it Rain, Dave demands a sequel, and Jay gives preferential treatement to tracers in SOME ninja films and not others 😑

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Ninja - MFin Ninjas

Tue, 25 Jun 2024 21:24:25 -0400

ARE YOU VOTING SCOTT ADKINS FOR BATMAN 2024? You should be according to Casey this week! This might be an Adkins podcast now.

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The Super Ninja - MFin Ninjas

Wed, 19 Jun 2024 08:55:15 -0400

This week we learn what kitchen items can be implemented in your ninja practice and that Dave has been keeping track of nipples the whole time!

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Nine Deaths of the Ninja - MFin Ninjas

Sun, 09 Jun 2024 17:00:38 -0400

Casey throws baseless allegations like ninja stars (with her feet), Dave can't find a lick of German in any accents, and Jany's inner retriever wants a tennis ball.

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Ninja III: The Domination - MFin Ninjas

Sun, 02 Jun 2024 22:34:46 -0400

The first fifteen minutes of this film end up occupying a disproportionate amount of our time, we talk about having a good ninja rock,and we love to see us the ultimate ninja Sho Kasugi!

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Judge Dredd - Sunday Comics

Mon, 27 May 2024 13:03:15 -0400

This week Jay tries to justify his love of his favorite copaganda film and Dave helps. Meanwhile, Casey is left wondering why there is so much Rob Schneider on this podcast.

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Black Butler - Sunday Comics

Sun, 19 May 2024 11:31:24 -0400

In a month of "um akshuallys" Casey finally gets her turn as we watch this live action adaptation of the anime. Dave calls shenanigans on all the characters and Jay just wants to be a ninja with silverware.

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Spawn - Sunday Comics

Mon, 13 May 2024 18:34:56 -0400

This week is Hell week, literally. We talk clipping through a Sheen, our favorite clown, and Jay "um ackshually's" Dave into a corner.

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The Spirit - Sunday Comics

Mon, 06 May 2024 21:03:56 -0400

This week we get a star studded cast, a multi-panel STD test, and a handful of logistical zombie love questions.

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Sword of the Valiant - Folktales

Sun, 28 Apr 2024 08:00:00 -0400

We wonder why more of our clothing doesn't have the "oops I ate too much chips and salsa" belly holes that the Green Knight has on his costume. Is it because Daddy didn't love us enough?

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Around the World in 80 Days (2004) - Folktales

Sun, 21 Apr 2024 14:13:30 -0400

Dave brings us his favorite way to read a classic: Jackie Chan style. Can cameos save this film are are there too many cooks? Find out today!

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Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters

Sun, 14 Apr 2024 10:20:53 -0400

We decide what Faygo property Jeremy Renner would be, how many ants would live in a candy house, and Jay begs for a Hansel and Gretel cereal (or is it serial?).

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Christmas Evil - Folktales

Sun, 07 Apr 2024 11:22:27 -0400

This week we try to parse fact from reality in Christmas Evil. Is Santa real? Is he giving mom foreplay for Christmas?! Will Patricia Richardson slap your kids? Find out now!

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Showdown in Little Tokyo - Doge Ate My Homework

Mon, 01 Apr 2024 19:47:59 -0400

In this episode we watch 1991's Showdown In Little Tokyo starring Dolph Lundgren, Brandon Lee, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, and Tia Carrera. Casey violently rejects Dolph Lundgren, Dave demonstrates his advanced degree in physics, and Jay can't stop obsessing over how they kill the villain.

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For Y'ur Height Only - Dog Ate My Homework

Sun, 24 Mar 2024 20:17:00 -0400

The gang watches a Filipino Bond knock-off chocked full of hot girls, hot gadgets, and one too many short jokes for Dave's liking. Can Weng Weng unify the Cinema and rise above it all? (Do you get it Dave? It's a joke about his height.)

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Sukyaki Western Django -Dog Ate My Homework

Mon, 18 Mar 2024 18:51:43 -0400

Dave brings one of the strangest films we've ever watched. A surprise Tarantino is NEVER a good way to start! Dammit Dave!

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Big Trouble in Little China - Dog Ate My Homework

Sun, 10 Mar 2024 10:51:29 -0400

Kurt Russell is all of our dads in their own imagination, Jay teases the iconic team up that could never be, and we can never watch this film without thinking of Cinemite Ashley!

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She's the Man - Dog Ate My Homework

Sun, 03 Mar 2024 09:05:39 -0500

This month our theme is... whoops, looks like dog ate our homework. On this weeks episode Casey does all the math for Channing Tatum, Dave has semi-appropriate thoughts about Vinnie Jones as a soccer coach, and Jay just wants to know "who the hell is Paul?"

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Pound of Flesh - Van Dammeuary

Sun, 25 Feb 2024 09:00:00 -0500

Casey ordered a large Jean-Clade Man Daiquiri, Dave can't imagine the grave plots in a throuple, and Jay rocks this month's Mentos moment.

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Kickboxer: Retaliation - Van Dammeuary

Sun, 18 Feb 2024 11:48:37 -0500

Casey threatens Dave with Vengeance AND Retaliation if he doesn't like this film, Jay longs for what could have been between Tyson and Van Damme, and the splits drought rages on!

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Kickboxer: Vengeance - Van Dammeuary

Sun, 11 Feb 2024 12:11:55 -0500

The Cinema is robbed another week in a row from seeing the splits. What JCVD lacks in stretching he makes up for in bamboo beatings.

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Inferno - Van Dammeuary

Sun, 04 Feb 2024 11:04:41 -0500

It's our favorite month of the year! The time where we celebrate our patron saint Jean-Claude Van Damme. This week the gang watches a Van Damme film they haven't seen, Dave compares the film to Pulp Fiction, Jay runs off with his Pulp Fiction Pat Morita crossover, and Casey ignores the boys to talk about foot massages and old lady peeping toms.

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Walking Tall - True Story Brah

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 21:40:22 -0500

Walking Tall makes Casey long for Law & Order: ROCK, Dave sets friendship rules for the peep show, and Jay campaigns to replace all mills with casinos.

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47 Ronin - True Story Brah

Sun, 21 Jan 2024 09:24:50 -0500

This week we watched the Japanese documentary 47 Ronin starring immortal Keanu Reeves. Reeves proves that sometimes the good guys get poked and that, my friends, is the real tragedy.

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Dangerous Minds - True Story Brah

Sun, 14 Jan 2024 16:08:41 -0500

Win a date with Michelle Pfeiffer: A modern educator dating sim, err, inspiring story! Totally true brah!

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Killer Elite - True Story Brah

Sun, 07 Jan 2024 12:48:58 -0500

With an all-star cast it would be hard to keep this film top secret. While Killer Elite may border on a tall tale, we've only heard legend and rumor of Jason Statham's love interest making it to the end of the movie unscathed.

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The Phantom - Hingsight is 20/20

Sun, 31 Dec 2023 14:06:35 -0500

We manage to talk about something other than how beautiful Bill Zane is... but only barely. Last episode of the year and it looks like we will be going into the new year as the same pervs.

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National Treasure - Hindsight is 20/20

Mon, 25 Dec 2023 12:02:58 -0500

This Christmas we grant listener wishes by gifting you all a National Treasure! We talk the Sean Beaniverse, going across the Voight Void, and Nic Cage's divorce life crisis.

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Surf Ninjas - Hindsight is 20/20

Sun, 17 Dec 2023 09:03:58 -0500

We carry on this month's theme with another visit from Rob Schneider. This time he's trying to pass as 17. It makes all the kung fu and video game magic more believable in this cult classic. And yes, Dave is the leader of said cult.

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Demolition Man - Hindsight Is 20/20

Sun, 10 Dec 2023 11:40:38 -0500

This week we essentially read Jay's diary by watching Demolition Man, Casey and Dave make the Oldboy universe crossover nobody asked for, and the Cinema learned that this was almost a Steven Seagal vehicle (that Casey promptly steers off a cliff).

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Wish Upon A Star - Hindsight is 20/20

Sun, 03 Dec 2023 20:44:50 -0500

This month's theme is Hindsight is 20/20 which is all about revisiting movies from our past to see how they stand up. Our first film is a trip in the way back machine to 1996 where we watch Wish Upon A Star, learn about the origins of Death Note, and also what IMDB kinks this film fulfills!

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Carny- Bookworm

Sun, 26 Nov 2023 09:00:00 -0500

The gang gets confused about carnival folk, string pulling games, local carnival related politics, and WHY IS GARY BUSEY IN CLOWN MAKEUP?

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Beowulf - Bookworm

Mon, 20 Nov 2023 18:35:44 -0500

A soundtrack that rivals Blade (according to one person), everyone's favorite Highlander, and enough softcore to make it the perfect Thanksgiving movie tradition. This week the gang explores 1999's Beowulf.

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The Dark Tower - Bookworm

Sun, 12 Nov 2023 09:03:21 -0500

This week Casey cuts more than 40 minutes of "Umm ackshually"s from Jay, Dave asks too many questions, and for once we don't rip on a child actor!

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Dune - Bookworm

Sun, 05 Nov 2023 13:30:41 -0500

The gang revisits an old classic to kick off Bookworm month. This prompts Casey to change her rap name to Nikki Melange. Gold star to Dave for only a few "Um, actually" comments.

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Space Jam - Don’t Get Probed

Sun, 29 Oct 2023 13:13:58 -0400

Dave discovers the origin of furries from this film, Casey falls for Muggsy Bogues, and Jay proves that if it's his chance, he'll do a dance for that Space Jam. Alright.

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Psycho Goreman - Don’t Get Probed

Mon, 23 Oct 2023 20:35:16 -0400

This week we watch a gory version of space Power Rangers with a touch of Seinfeld. This is either REALLY going to be our thing or REALLY NOT.

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Lifeforce - Don’t Get Probed

Sun, 15 Oct 2023 10:11:00 -0400

Cannon Films try to get serious this week with a film based on a very serious book named The Space Vampires. Better name? Worse? Does the gang abide?

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Suburban Command - Don’t Get Probed

Sun, 08 Oct 2023 15:47:10 -0400

This week we fuel Jay's inner child with one of his favorite films from that Era. Larry Miller throws his back out carrying this film, guess Hulk was too busy in a tanning bed to read the script🤷‍♀️

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Abduction - Don’t Get Probed

Sun, 01 Oct 2023 15:28:11 -0400

Scott Adkins slaps his way through Ho Chi Minh City leaving Casey drooling, Dave confused, and Jay begging for a sequel.

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The Rock - UnCAGEd

Sun, 24 Sep 2023 13:37:54 -0400

Listen to us end the month watching the listener choice to drool over Sean Connery, have fun with chemical weapons, and try to make sense of star studded Nic Cage films.

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Next - UnCAGEd

Sun, 17 Sep 2023 19:40:37 -0400

Dave admits he's familiar with Nic Cage's vinegar strokes, Jay never beats the train, and Casey is taking the cage approach to gambling.

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Vampire’s Kiss - UnCAGEd

Sun, 10 Sep 2023 15:19:25 -0400

Nic Cage's best performance, according to the man himself, leaves the Cinema divided. Special guest El Camino demanding to go outside.

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Con Air - UnCAGEd

Sun, 03 Sep 2023 08:45:11 -0400

Coming in hot for season 6 we start with a month focused on a Founding Father of Shitty Cinema, Nicolas Cage! This week we watch Con Air and discuss too many cooks, Casey calling bs on a pregnancy, and a site even more contentious than 4chan... the IMDB goofs section.

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Mortal Engines - Blockblisters

Sun, 30 Jul 2023 08:42:23 -0400

On this episode we speculate about The Terminator's relationship to Mortal Engines, talk about cities eating cities, and Casey gives Hugo Weaving a new nickname.

Reminder that Shitty Cinema is off for August and we will see you all again in September with a new season!

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Ishtar - Blockblisters

Sun, 23 Jul 2023 07:57:56 -0400

Dave gives his take on Simon and Garfunkel's career choices, Jay serenades Casey with his would you watch it again, and Casey promotes her 'Casey 4 Beatty 2023' campaign.

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Robin Hood (2018) - Blockblisters

Sun, 16 Jul 2023 09:38:56 -0400

This week we learn Taron Egerton's name, Jamie Foxx doesn't understand the labor of arrow making, and that this movie grows up it definitely wants to be Batman.

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Cutthroat Island - Blockblisters

Sun, 09 Jul 2023 11:22:27 -0400

In this weeks blockblister we try to figure out how this film lost 90 MILLION dollars when it had the holy trinity of action: Frank Langella and both of Geena Davis' boobs. How does that work out to killing pirate films for eight years?

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The A-Team - Blockblisters

Sun, 02 Jul 2023 12:52:08 -0400

Does anyone know what Bradley Cooper's ancestors have done? Aren't we still allowed to fear him just cause? Also we watched a blockblister of a movie.

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Stop or My Mom Will Shoot - Cops & Donuts

Sun, 25 Jun 2023 10:58:55 -0400

Jesse joins us as Casey explores the sexy night antics of Sylvester Stallone as he joins with Estelle Getty who triggers all of Dave's boundaries.

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Martial Law - Cops & Donuts

Mon, 19 Jun 2023 08:01:05 -0400

David Carradine gives a performance, Cynthia Rothrock tries to tone it down around everyone else, and Chad McQueen missed his calling as a pizza boy.

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Samurai Cop - Cops & Donuts

Sun, 11 Jun 2023 09:15:20 -0400

Two unhinged partners get the go ahead from their captain to blast, slap ass, and be crass in this cult classic.

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Dead Heat - Cops & Donuts

Sun, 04 Jun 2023 12:18:17 -0400

This week we treat ourselves to a bonus chance to be petty in life after death! Would you clock in post mortem just for payback?

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Fatal Deviation - Across the Pond

Sun, 28 May 2023 13:56:44 -0400

An Irish Van Damme enthusiast rescues the only woman in town from the Boy Zone, help a wizard win a bet, and put the local mob out of business.

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Attack the Block - Across the Pond

Sun, 21 May 2023 09:22:04 -0400

This week we try to figure out if the bad guys are really the bad guys, why the Doctor doesn't just sonic her way out of this, and how long is appropriate to hide when your friends are being murdered.

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Bullseye! - Across the Pond

Sun, 14 May 2023 07:24:12 -0400

Dave thinks that Michael Caine has a thing or two to learn from Lindsey Lohan, Jay considers if Roger Moore can get it or not, and Casey can't get Michael Moore choking himself out of her head.

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Trog - Across the Pond

Sun, 07 May 2023 14:20:52 -0400

Joan Crawford tries to adopt an adult child in England. Once again, they treat her like it's her first rodeo.

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Theodore Rex - Prehistoric

Sun, 30 Apr 2023 08:00:00 -0400

We finally watch the Whoopi Goldberg masterpiece Theodore Rex, a film about the past set in a future where society's main priority is bringing trash pandas back from extinction. The billionaires who have been manipulating everyone (what? Impossible!) are trying to start an ice age. Only a puppet and cyborg Whoopi Goldberg can save us. Check out this weeks episode so Dave doesn't tell you to suck eggs!

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Aztec Rex - Prehistoric

Sun, 23 Apr 2023 11:00:39 -0400

In this week's historically accurate masterpiece we talk the origins of sangria, how close is too close to a priest when consummating your marriage, and the pros and cons of being dosed by said priest.

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Jurassic Hunt - Prehistoric

Sun, 16 Apr 2023 08:22:53 -0400

This week we lament that Jurassic Hunt doesn't have enough Rambo vs. raptors, complain about wimpy dino-bites and pterodactyl pigeons, and fall in love with an eclectic collection of characters while wondering why dino pee has become a theme.

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Jurassic Park 3 - Prehistoric

Sun, 09 Apr 2023 10:17:07 -0400

This week we talk Spielberg sex bots, dino squirts, and baaaad parenting. Ya know, that sentence might make more sense when you listen. Probably.

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The Velocipastor - Prehistoric

Sun, 02 Apr 2023 10:39:08 -0400

Kicking us out of our prehysteria, the Velocipastor reminds us that you don't need a big budget to please these three idiots on the podcast (take note Spielberg).

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Stalked By My Doctor - Cinema MD

Sun, 26 Mar 2023 08:24:00 -0400

Is Eric Roberts the hardest working man in Hollywood? Do Hallmark movies think parents are just around to further the plot? Who are we supposed to be rooting for? Join us as we argue over exactly how much money it would take us to get passionately kissed by Eric Roberts while fake sleeping.

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Jekyll and Hyde... Together Again - Cinema MD

Sun, 19 Mar 2023 08:00:00 -0400

Back to back movies with Mark Blankenfield playing a comedic take of a public domain character. We try to figure out what exactly the metaphor is, who is the real bad-man, and Jay makes a startling confession.

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Frankenstein General Hospital - Cinema MD

Sun, 12 Mar 2023 09:39:29 -0400

This week we watched a tale as old as time itself... and the jokes were even staler. Co-starring a young Leslie Jordan trying to go above and beyond his lackey duties to carry the whole film. Frankenstein general Hospital leaves us feeling as though we need help for the comatose state it put us in.

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The Patriot - Cinema MD

Sun, 05 Mar 2023 07:50:30 -0500

Steven Seagal tries to convince us that he's a serious doctor, and thought leader in virology, but all we can do is get upset about his medical safety practices. Maybe we should have focused more on Waco does a COVID but we had to talk about Steven's relationship to that damn mini horse.

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Death Warrant - Van Dammeuary

Mon, 27 Feb 2023 20:31:48 -0500

Shitty Cinema laments another lack of splits in the Van Damme classic Death Warrant. Despite that, we find joy by making our own Mentos moments and eyeing the little outfits!

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No Retreat, NO Surrender - Van Dammeuary

Sun, 19 Feb 2023 08:00:00 -0500

This week we find out the mob really wants to buy your local mall dojo. Dave educates us on crimes against Bruce Lee while Casey suffers from vitamin JCVD deficiency.

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