The truth is, many of us engage in or fantasize about forms of kink without ever calling them that. From dirty talk and blindfolds to power dynamics, role-play, sensation play, and BDSM, Matt explores why kink is far more common than most people realize. He also breaks down what the research actually says about kink, BDSM, consent, communication, and psychological well-being.

Most importantly, this episode is about permission. Permission to question shame, explore curiosity, and build a sex life based on what genuinely brings you pleasure instead of what society told you was "normal."

Whether you're simply curious or already waving your kinky flag, this episode is an invitation to embrace your sexuality with intention, communication, and consent.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

In this week's Matt's Musing, I revisit one of my favorite metaphors from Emily Nagoski to explore how our beliefs about sex are planted long before we ever have a say. Family, religion, culture, media, and past relationships all leave their mark. Some of those messages help us grow, while others become weeds that create shame, pressure, and disconnection.

In this short episode, I talk about why we don't have to keep every belief we inherited, how to identify the "weeds" that no longer serve us, and what it looks like to intentionally cultivate a healthier, more authentic relationship with sexuality.

At the end, I leave you with one simple question that might change the way you think about your own sexual story.

If you've ever struggled with shame, performance pressure, or feeling like your sexuality should look different than it does, this episode is for you.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

We'll explore the differences between water based, silicone based, oil based, and hybrid lubricants, discuss the pros and cons of each, and talk about how to choose the best option for your body and the kind of sex you're having. I also cover specialty lubricants, common ingredient concerns, and why there is no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to finding your favorite lube.

Thank you to Uberlube for sponsoring today's episode. Check out the link in the show notes to learn more and support the podcast.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

In this special episode of Sex, Here & Now, I reflect on one of the biggest milestones of my life while challenging a common belief about relationships. Does marriage fundamentally change a relationship, or does it simply celebrate the one you've already built?

Drawing from both my own relationship and my work as a sex therapist, I explore why commitment is something we practice rather than something we achieve. We talk about the difference between the symbols of commitment and commitment itself, why healthy relationships aren't defined by marriage, and why trust, vulnerability, communication, and repair matter far more than any legal document ever could.

Whether you're married, dating, single, divorced, or in a consensually nonmonogamous relationship, this episode is a reminder that the healthiest relationships are built one ordinary day at a time.

Thank you for being part of this journey with me, and thank you for celebrating this new chapter alongside us.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

Most people spend a lot of time thinking about what they do sexually, but very few stop to consider how they show up. In this episode of Sex Here and Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, explores the idea of your sexual style: the roles, patterns, and energies you naturally bring into intimacy.

Are you a giver or a receiver? Do you tend to lead or follow? Are you a caretaker, performer, people pleaser, explorer, or protector? Matt discusses how these sexual scripts develop over time, why they often become rigid, and how greater flexibility can lead to more satisfying, authentic sexual experiences.

Whether you're in a long-term relationship, exploring your sexuality, or simply curious about yourself, this episode will help you reflect on the unconscious patterns shaping your intimate life and invite you to try something new.

If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might discover something new about themselves.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

Not asked about groceries. Not discussed schedules. Not coordinated who is picking up the kids. Actually flirted.

In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I explore why flirting is one of the first things to disappear in long-term relationships and one of the most important things to bring back. Flirting is not just about seduction. It is about playfulness, curiosity, desire, and reminding each other that you are more than roommates managing a household.

We will talk about why flirting feels effortless in the beginning of relationships, why it often fades over time, and how bringing it back can strengthen intimacy, connection, and sexual desire. Whether your flirting style is playful teasing, compliments, physical touch, inside jokes, or suggestive texts throughout the day, there is no one right way to do it.

If your relationship has been feeling a little too practical and not nearly playful enough, this episode is for you.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I explore something that has been on my mind lately: the tendency people have to judge other people's consensual sexual choices while avoiding deeper questions about their own relationship with sex. Whether the topic is kink, polyamory, queer relationships, casual sex, body confidence, or simply people expressing themselves authentically, judgment often shows up faster than curiosity.

Together, we unpack where that judgment comes from. Is it really about the behavior itself? Or is it more about fear, shame, insecurity, confusion, or unresolved beliefs that get activated when we see someone living differently than we do? Often, what we criticize in others has far more to do with our own discomfort than their actual choices.

We discuss the concept of "don't yuck someone else's yum" and why consensual sexual experiences between adults are rarely the problem people think they are. We also explore how religion, family systems, social media, culture, and sex negative messaging shape our reactions to sexuality and influence what we perceive as acceptable, normal, or threatening.

In this episode, we discuss: • Why people judge other people's sex lives • Fear, shame, and sexual discomfort • Projection and sexual criticism • Kink, polyamory, and queer relationships • The impact of sex negative messaging • Curiosity versus judgment • Exploring your own relationship with sexuality • The role of self-awareness in sexual growth • Why consensual sexuality often triggers strong reactions • The difference between "that's not for me" and "that's wrong"

One of the most important takeaways from this conversation is that curiosity often creates more growth than criticism. The next time you find yourself judging someone else's sexuality, it may be worth asking what that reaction is trying to tell you about your own experiences, beliefs, fears, or desires.

If this episode resonates with you, consider following the podcast, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who may benefit from the conversation. Your support helps spread more sex positive, shame reducing, and research informed conversations into the world.

As always, stay curious.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

In this episode of Sex Here and Now, we are talking about parents, caregivers, family dynamics, and the relationship scripts many of us unknowingly carry into adulthood. Whether your parents had a seemingly perfect love story, a marriage filled with conflict, or something in between, chances are they influenced how you think about intimacy, communication, affection, conflict, trust, and commitment.

I share a little bit about my own parents' relationship, including their surprisingly Hallmark-worthy origin story, and discuss one of the most important realizations many adults eventually face: our parents' relationships belong to them. Their strengths, struggles, communication patterns, emotional blind spots, and beliefs about love are not automatically meant to become our own.

Together, we explore how family systems shape our nervous systems, why some people spend their lives recreating the relationships they witnessed growing up, and why others spend years trying to escape them. We also discuss how social media often romanticizes long-term relationships while ignoring a much more important question: were those relationships actually healthy?

In this episode, we discuss: • Relationship blueprints learned in childhood • Family systems and attachment patterns • Emotional safety and nervous system responses • Why intimacy can feel difficult as adults • Repeating versus rejecting family relationship patterns • The difference between longevity and relationship quality • Social media and romanticized love stories • Building relationships that align with your values • Healing inherited relationship scripts • Creating healthier forms of intimacy and connection

One of the most freeing parts of adulthood is realizing that awareness creates choice. You do not have to recreate your parents' relationship, and you do not have to spend your life running from it either. You get to decide what kind of relationship reflects who you are today.

If this episode resonates with you, consider following the podcast, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who may benefit from the conversation. Your support helps spread more sex positive, relationship focused, and shame reducing conversations into the world.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

In this episode of Sex Here and Now, I unpack one of my least favorite phrases in sex and relationship conversations: the idea that sex should be natural or organic. While our sexual orientation and gender identity may be innate, most of what we believe about sex is learned. The way we flirt, communicate, initiate, think about desire, define romance, experience shame, and navigate intimacy has been shaped by culture, family systems, religion, media, peers, and past experiences.

Together, we explore why so many people get stuck chasing an unrealistic version of sex that is supposed to happen effortlessly. We discuss how communication, practice, planning, curiosity, and even awkward conversations are not signs that something is wrong. They are often signs of a healthy and evolving sexual relationship.

I also dive into the unrealistic expectation that partners should naturally know what we want sexually, why that belief creates unnecessary frustration, and how intentional conversations can strengthen intimacy rather than diminish it.

In this episode, we discuss: • Why "natural sex" may be a misleading goal • How sexual beliefs are learned over time • The myth of mind-reading in relationships • Why communication is essential for good sex • Sexual scripts and cultural conditioning • Curiosity versus perfection in intimacy • How desire changes throughout life • Letting go of shame-based messages about sex • Building healthier and more intentional sexual relationships

A special thank you to Uberlube for sponsoring today's episode. If you are looking for a high quality lubricant that can help make intimacy more comfortable and enjoyable, check out the link in the show notes and receive a free gift with purchase.

If this episode resonated with you, consider subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who may need to hear it. Every listen helps spread more sex positive, shame reducing, and research informed conversations into the world.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

You know the feeling. You hear a story, you see an old photo, or your brain just decides to spiral out of nowhere. Suddenly you are asking yourself questions you never needed to ask. Were they hotter, better in bed, more exciting, more successful. Did they have something you don’t. That comparison spiral can feel automatic, and honestly, it is very human.

In this episode, I break down why that comparison pulls you out of your relationship and into a one sided competition that does not actually exist. When you are trying to “win” against an ex, you are no longer present with your partner. You are in your head, chasing a version of someone who is not even in the room anymore. That energy does not build intimacy. It builds anxiety, pressure, and disconnection.

We also talk about something that often gets missed. You are not comparing yourself to your partner’s ex, you are comparing yourself to a story about them. A highlight reel that your brain filled in with your own insecurities. You do not see the full relationship. You do not see what did not work, why it ended, or what your partner learned from it. You are competing with a distorted version of reality, and that will always leave you feeling like you are falling short.

From there, we shift into a different way of approaching this. Instead of asking if you are better than someone else, we focus on what actually matters, are you showing up as yourself in the relationship you are in. Your partner did not choose you because you outperformed their past. They chose you because of your energy, your personality, your body, your way of connecting. When you lose that trying to compete, you lose the very thing that made you desirable.

We also get into self worth, not the performative kind where you try to prove something, but a grounded belief that you are enough without needing to compare. And when insecurity does show up, because it will, we talk about how to handle it in a way that actually builds connection. Naming it, asking for reassurance, and having real conversations instead of silently competing.

This episode is your reminder that your partner’s past is not your competition. Your job is not to win. Your job is to be present, curious, and authentic in the relationship you are actually in. Because at the end of the day, you are the one they are choosing right now.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

If you have ever struggled to say what you want sexually, you are not alone. Most people were never taught how to communicate about sex in a clear, direct, and shame free way. Instead, we are taught to avoid it, joke about it, or hope our partner just figures it out. When that does not happen, frustration builds, disconnection grows, and people start questioning themselves or their relationship.

In this episode, I break down why asking for what you want feels so hard, from fear of rejection to the belief that good sex should just “happen” without communication. We talk about how that myth keeps people stuck and why real intimacy is built through curiosity, honesty, and collaboration.

We also get into the practical side of this. How to start the conversation without it feeling overwhelming, why timing matters, how to express your needs without triggering defensiveness, and what it looks like to stay open to your partner’s response. This is not about delivering a perfect script, it is about creating a space where both people feel safe being honest.

We also touch on something that does not get talked about enough, sometimes things feel awkward when you start communicating differently. That does not mean you are doing it wrong. It means you are growing and building something more intentional.

This episode is your reminder that your pleasure matters. You are allowed to have wants, desires, and a voice in your sexual experiences. Your partner cannot meet needs they do not know exist, and when you start speaking up, even in small ways, you create the possibility for deeper connection and better sex.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

We are stepping away from penetration and shifting the focus to something that often gets overlooked, fingers and tongues. Not because penetration is bad or off limits, but because so much of our cultural understanding of sex has been built around it being the “main event.”

In this episode, we break that idea down.

We talk about why penetration is not the primary pathway to orgasm for many vulva owners, what the research actually says about clitoral stimulation, and how slowing things down can completely change your sexual experience. This is about moving away from performance and into curiosity, connection, and sensation.

We also get into how shame, expectations, and relationship dynamics shape how we define “good sex,” and why expanding your definition can lead to more pleasure and intimacy.

And yes, there is some practical homework in here too.

If you are looking to feel more connected to your body or your partner, this episode will give you a different lens to explore from.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

Here is the shift I want you to take with you. Rejection is not a verdict on your worth, it is information. It is clarity. It shows you where you do not fit so you can stop trying to force yourself into spaces that were never meant for you.

We talk about the trap of chasing validation, the fantasy that if someone just gets to know you they will change their mind, and why that mindset keeps you stuck. Then we move into something more grounded. Confidence that comes from within. The belief that you deserve to be here just as much as anyone else.

This is about letting people opt out, so the right people can opt in. It may still sting, that part is human, but it does not get to define you.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

We talk about how shame shapes male identity, why vulnerability can feel so threatening, and what therapy looks like when men are finally given permission to feel instead of perform. This episode explores the pressures men face, the misconceptions around masculinity, and how emotional connection is not a weakness but growth.

Whether you are a man trying to understand yourself better, someone who loves a man, or a clinician wanting deeper insight into working with male clients, this conversation opens the door to curiosity, compassion, and honest reflection.

You can find Victoria on Instagram @revive_with_v

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

Your friends are great. They love you, support you, hype you up, and probably have way too many stories about your past that they love bringing up at the worst times. There is real connection there, and a lot of vulnerability.

But here is the question we are exploring today, should they be your go to source for advice about sex and relationships?

In this episode, we unpack how all of us were raised in a sex negative culture and how that shapes the advice we give and receive. Just because someone is confident or experienced does not mean they are informed. A lot of what gets passed around as “advice” is actually rooted in hurt, bias, or a few past experiences that turned into rigid rules.

This is not about cutting your friends out. It is about getting more intentional with whose voice you give authority to when it comes to your body, your boundaries, and your relationships.

We talk about how to stay grounded in your own values, how to get curious about where advice is coming from, and how to move away from inherited scripts so you can build something that actually works for you.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

Or maybe more accurately, what people think sex addiction is.

We are breaking down why the term is not officially recognized in the DSM-5, what clinicians actually look for when someone feels out of control, and why frequency alone is not the right question to be asking.

If you have ever wondered, “Am I addicted to porn?” or “Is something wrong with me for thinking about sex this much?” this episode is for you.

We explore the difference between behavior and function, how shame plays a massive role in how people interpret their sexuality, and why labeling something as an addiction can sometimes shut down curiosity instead of creating understanding.

This is not about minimizing struggle. There are absolutely people who feel stuck in patterns that feel compulsive and distressing. But the goal is not to pathologize sexuality. The goal is to understand it.

If you are questioning your relationship with sex, this episode will help you slow things down, get curious, and start asking better questions.

You are not broken. You are human.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

I also share a bit about my path into the field, from early experiences to burnout and eventually finding my way into sex therapy through AASECT. We talk about frustrations in the field, both the real ones like billing and the bigger cultural challenges around how we view sex, relationships, and autonomy. There is also a deeper conversation about the messaging boys grow up with and how that shapes men, relationships, and emotional connection.

To wrap it up, I answer a really relatable question about feeling frustrated when a partner is always on their phone and what might actually be underneath that feeling. As always, this episode is about curiosity, reflection, and building more awareness in our relationships.

If you want to submit a question for a future episode, head over to sexhereandnow.com/home and ask away.

Resources

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

This is not about pressure or pushing anyone to try something they are not interested in. This is about understanding your body, challenging outdated ideas about masculinity, and learning how to have honest conversations about sex with your partner. Matt walks through where this curiosity comes from, why it has nothing to do with sexual orientation, and how to explore it in a way that feels safe, grounded, and connected.

If you have ever been curious but nervous to bring it up, or if you are trying to better understand your partner, this episode is for you.

If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered.

👉 Click here to try Überlube

When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only).

Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I break down one of the most foundational tools I use with clients and one that I believe everyone should try: the Yes, No, Maybe list.

This deceptively simple exercise helps you explore your sexual interests, boundaries, curiosities, and limits by sorting experiences into three categories. While it sounds straightforward, the impact can be profound. The Yes, No, Maybe framework builds sexual self awareness, reduces shame, and creates a shared language for consent and communication in relationships.

I walk you through how the exercise works, why “I don’t know” is actually a valid and important answer, and how this practice helps individuals and couples move away from guessing and toward clarity. We also talk about how mismatched desires are not relationship failures, how curiosity strengthens intimacy, and why consent is something that evolves over time rather than something decided once.

Whether you are single, partnered, monogamous, or non monogamous, this episode offers a practical way to better understand your erotic map and build more honest, sustainable sexual connections.

Grab a pen, open your notes app, and get ready to learn something new about yourself.

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From there, we shift into a topic that shows up in almost every long term partnership: desire discrepancy. What happens when one partner wants sex more often than the other? How do we talk about it without turning it into a scoreboard? We unpack the myths that tell us mismatched desire means something is broken and instead offer a more grounded, compassionate framework. This episode is honest, practical, and rooted in the work we both do every day with clients. If you have ever struggled with shame around sex or felt confused by shifting levels of desire in your relationship, this conversation is for you. As always, stay curious.

You can find Julie on Instagram @beknowntherapy

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In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I talk about why that shift matters more than people realize.

Dating is not just something you do at the beginning of a relationship. It is what creates energy, curiosity, and connection over time. When dating fades, many couples start to feel disconnected, not because something is “wrong,” but because the relationship has stopped being intentional.

I break down how small, consistent moments of attention can bring relationships back to life. This is not about grand gestures or expensive plans. It is about presence, playfulness, and choosing each other again and again.

If your relationship has been feeling a little stale or distant, this episode is a reminder to go back to what creates connection in the first place.

Because when you stop dating, you stop discovering. And the couples who stay connected are the ones who never stop choosing each other.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe and rate the podcast. You can also find more sex positive content on YouTube at Cleveland Sex Therapy.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

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You will hear why sex fading is normal, not a sign your relationship is doomed, how to reconnect with your own desire before trying to fix partnered sex, and why skills like vulnerability, sexual check ins, flirting, and even scheduling intimacy are not unsexy but essential. Matt also challenges the idea that sex should be effortless and reminds listeners that intimacy in long term relationships is learned, practiced, and revisited over time.

This episode is for anyone feeling disconnected, anxious, or stuck around sex and intimacy and wanting a grounded, shame free way forward that actually works.

New episodes drop weekly!

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

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In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I challenge that idea.

Being open to relationship counseling is not about failure, it is about intention. It is about choosing to invest in your relationship before things fall apart, not after. We talk about why so many couples wait too long, how most of us were never actually taught how to be in relationships, and why counseling can be a space to unlearn what is not working and build something that actually fits.

I also get into one of the biggest shifts I see in strong couples. They do not wait for crisis. They get curious early. They want to understand their patterns, improve communication, and create a relationship that feels safe, flexible, and real.

If you have ever hesitated about therapy, or wondered if your relationship is “bad enough” to go, this episode is for you.

Counseling is not the last resort. It is a resource.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe and rate the podcast. You can also find more sex positive content on YouTube at Cleveland Sex Therapy.

Stay curious.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

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In today’s episode of Sex, Here & Now, I’m diving into something I see constantly in my therapy office: couples in their late 30s and 40s who are still deeply in love… but their sex life has disappeared. No big betrayal. No dramatic rupture. Just an erotic stalemate.

Drawing from Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, the Dual Control Model of sexual response from the Kinsey Institute, and insights from Esther Perel and Emily Nagoski, I break down why passion naturally shifts over time and what actually brings it back.

We’ll talk about:

• Why intimacy and commitment can unintentionally dull erotic energy • How your “gas pedals” and “brakes” impact sexual desire • The parent-child dynamic that quietly kills attraction • Practical exercises to rebuild anticipation, playfulness, and connection

If you and your partner feel stuck sexually but still love each other, this episode is for you. This is more common than you think, and it is absolutely workable.

It just takes intention.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

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In this episode of Matt’s Musings, I challenge the pressure people put on themselves to perform perfectly in the bedroom. From queefing to losing an erection at the worst possible moment, I break down why these experiences are completely normal and why they do not mean anything is wrong.

This episode is really about shifting your mindset. Moving away from performance and perfection and getting back to connection, play, and pleasure. I also walk you through a simple but powerful exercise to help you and your partner reconnect with what actually makes sex feel good.

If sex has started to feel serious, stressful, or like something you have to get “right,” this one is for you.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

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We also get into why using the correct anatomical terms for body parts is not just about being clinical. It is about safety, clarity, and confidence. When kids know the right words, they are better equipped to understand their bodies, communicate their needs, and advocate for themselves. This is a thoughtful, grounded conversation about raising sexually healthy humans and challenging the shame that still surrounds these topics.

You can find Kristen on Instagram @that.popup.book

Links to Vaginas and Periods 101 and Penises 101 here

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

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Recent research suggests that about 7 percent of people now identify as bisexual, and rather than asking why it is increasing, this episode explores a more important question. What happens when people finally feel safe enough to tell the truth about who they are?

I talk about the history of bisexuality being misunderstood or dismissed as a phase, the unique pressures bisexual individuals have faced from both heterosexual and queer communities, and why this shift reflects something much bigger than a trend. It signals growing safety, expanding conversations around sexual fluidity, and younger generations feeling less pressure to fit into rigid identity boxes.

This episode is a reminder that sexuality has always been more expansive than many of us were taught. As stigma softens and acceptance grows, more people are allowing themselves curiosity, self understanding, and authenticity without shame.

If you have ever questioned labels, wondered about sexual fluidity, or simply want to better understand the evolving landscape of human sexuality, this short musing invites you to stay curious and compassionate toward yourself and others.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

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After nearly a decade together filled with growth, therapy, travel, and redefining what partnership looks like, I found myself asking why traditional vows celebrate love, commitment, and stability, yet rarely acknowledge sexuality as part of the relationship we are promising to nurture. As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, I see every day how couples assume intimacy will take care of itself, only to realize later that erotic connection also needs intention, care, and ongoing conversation.

In this episode, I explore the idea of “sex vows” and why treating sexuality as a shared value rather than an obligation can transform long term relationships. I talk about how intimacy evolves over time, why curiosity matters more than performance, and how couples can intentionally protect their erotic connection from resentment, silence, and disconnection.

Whether you are getting married, partnered long term, dating, or intentionally single, this episode invites you to reflect on how you want to show up sexually in your relationships and how intentional conversations about desire can deepen connection far beyond the bedroom.

I also share examples of sex vows my partner and I have explored together to help you start creating your own.

Because intimacy is not something you promise once. It is something you choose again and again.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

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In this episode, I explore what this growing interest in non monogamous relationships actually means for modern dating, intimacy, and personal identity. We talk about why relationship styles are not in competition with each other, how insecurity often fuels unnecessary debates between monogamy and non monogamy, and why there is room for everyone to build relationships that genuinely fit their lives.

I also dive into how cultural shifts are changing the way we think about love. From the loosening grip of purity culture to increasing relational curiosity, more people are questioning inherited relationship scripts and asking a powerful question: What do I actually want?

This episode is not about convincing anyone to open their relationship. It is about intentionality, self awareness, and choosing connection from authenticity rather than obligation. Whether you practice monogamy, non monogamy, or are simply curious, this conversation invites you to rethink how we define healthy relationships in a modern world.

Cheers to building connections that are ethical, consensual, and truly aligned with who we are.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

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In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I explore a topic that comes up often in my therapy office and in many long term relationships. Sexual neglect is rarely just about sex. More often, it is about feeling unwanted, unseen, or no longer chosen by the person you love.

We unpack why feelings of neglect show up in relationships, how stress and emotional overload impact desire, and why differences in attachment styles can create painful pursue and withdraw cycles between partners. Drawing from research on attachment theory, Emily Nagoski’s work on context dependent desire, and real clinical experience, this episode helps normalize what many couples quietly struggle with.

I also introduce the concept of emotional anorexia, how emotional disconnection can slowly impact erotic connection, and why many partners unintentionally hurt each other without realizing it.

You will learn how to approach conversations about sexual disconnection with curiosity instead of blame, understand what sex emotionally represents for each partner, and begin rebuilding connection through vulnerability and intentional turning toward one another.

If you have ever felt unwanted in your relationship or struggled to understand why intimacy has changed, this episode offers compassion, insight, and practical ways forward.

Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

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Today, I am roasting the idea of soulmates and making it more open to our growth as humans. 

New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week!

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I explain the physiology behind squirting in an accessible way, why some people experience it and many never will, and why neither means anything about how good you are at sex. We also talk about pressure, performance, cleanup, nervous systems, and how porn culture has turned one possible bodily response into an unrealistic expectation.

If you are curious about squirting, confused by it, frustrated by the pressure around it, or just want accurate sex education that does not shame bodies, this episode is for you.

This is an informational, myth busting, sex positive conversation about real bodies, real pleasure, and letting go of goals that do not actually serve connection.

As always, the focus is not doing sex right. It is understanding your body and staying curious.

New episodes drop weekly!

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Today, I am talking about the inevitability that your sexual self and your relationship with intimacy change over time. Don't freak out! I got you!

New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week!

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We dive into the difference between being “single” and being “solo,” drawing from Peter McGraw’s framework, and unpack why singlehood is not a waiting room for partnership. It is a fully valid and healthy relationship style. We explore how dating should be an addition to your life, not the thing that defines your worth. We also get into BARs, boundaries, agreements, and rules, and why they matter no matter your relationship structure.

We talk openly about heteronormativity and mononormativity in dating spaces, and how those systems shape the way people move through apps, relationships, and even therapy. There is something powerful about connecting with clients through shared lived experience, and Tiffany brings new perspective to what it means to build a life that feels full, whether partnered or not.

If you are dating, questioning dating, happily single, intentionally solo, or trying to figure out where you land, this episode will give you language, validation, and maybe a little permission to do it differently.

You can find Tiffany on Instagram @tiffany_chin 

Looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10

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Today, we are talking about how awkward sex can be. Sex is awkward! And in fact, we want it to be. 

New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week!

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I also share a personal story about “the hockey guy” and how ignoring early signals can pull us away from ourselves, even when someone looks good on paper. This episode is for anyone who feels burnt out, stuck in patterns that do not serve them, or questioning whether dating is supposed to feel this hard.

Dating is not about performing or proving your worth. It is about connection, clarity, and staying aligned with who you are. If you are ready to stop dating on autopilot and start dating with intention, this episode is for you.

New episodes drop weekly!

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Today, we are going to be exploring how desire is not a personality trait and why we need to stop treating it like it is.

New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week!

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In this episode of Sex, Here and Now, I share why I chose to be poly and what that choice actually came from. This is not an argument for polyamory and it is not a how to guide. It is a personal reflection on curiosity, honesty, attachment, fear, growth, and the unlearning that comes with questioning relationship scripts we are told are universal.

I talk openly about what drew me to polyamory, what felt uncomfortable in the beginning, what surprised me, and what this relationship structure continues to teach me about intimacy, jealousy, communication, and self responsibility. I also challenge the idea that polyamory is about avoiding commitment or wanting more sex, and instead explore it as a framework that requires intention, emotional labor, and deep honesty.

This episode is for anyone who has ever questioned whether the relationship model they were given actually fits. Whether you are monogamous, polyamorous, curious, or somewhere in between, my hope is that this conversation invites you to think less about the “right” way to do relationships and more about what alignment actually looks like.

Not all relationships struggle because of polyamory or monogamy. Some struggle because we never stop to ask ourselves what we truly want.

Past Poly Episode

New episodes drop weekly!

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In this episode, I unpack why Valentine’s Day wrecks so many sex lives. From unrealistic expectations and comparison culture to obligation sex and performative intimacy, we explore how a holiday meant to celebrate love often ends up doing the opposite. You’ll learn why pressure kills desire, how social media distorts intimacy, and why good sex cannot be scheduled by the calendar.

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt behind, broken, or like they were doing relationships wrong on February 14th. Whether you are single, partnered, or polyamorous, this conversation invites you to step off the script and redefine intimacy on your own terms.

Because Valentine’s Day is not a performance, and intimacy is not something you prove.

New episodes drop weekly!

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New episodes drop weekly!

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

Today, we are going to be exploring why you need to stop waiting to talk about sex and just do it! 

New full-length episodes dropping every week! “Matt’s Musings” episodes dropping every other week!

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New episodes drop weekly!

Sign up for my online class here

You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube!

Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube

Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

- I will talk about my obsession with Heated Rivalry.

- Explore why representation matters for athletes and queer folx.

- Explore the sex, duh!

- Explain why this kind of content resonates with women. 

New episodes drop weekly!

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Website and Socials below:

Website: www.clevelandsextherapy.com

Instagram: @clevelandsextherapy

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clevelandsextherapy

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/clevelandsextherapy 

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

Website and Socials below:

Website: www.clevelandsextherapy.com

Instagram: @clevelandsextherapy

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clevelandsextherapy

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/clevelandsextherapy 

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

You are not promised time you are promised change 

- Emily Nagoski 

Emotional intimacy kills passion

- Chris Donaghue

Consent changes from moment to moment.

- Matt Lachman

Sexual creativity is blocked by social conditioning.

- Melissa Walker

Vulnerability is having the courage to show up when you do not know the outcome.

- Brene brown

Our partner's sexuality does not belong to us. 

- Ester Perel

Anything that takes place between two or more consenting adults is their business

- Various 

Website and Socials below:

Website: www.clevelandsextherapy.com

Instagram: @clevelandsextherapy

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clevelandsextherapy

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/clevelandsextherapy 

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Today’s topic is a quick one. My top five tips as a sex therapist. What do I tell all my clients.The bread and butter of sex therapy.

Website and Socials below:

Website: www.clevelandsextherapy.com

Instagram: @clevelandsextherapy

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clevelandsextherapy

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/clevelandsextherapy 

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

I am so happy to be back and providing sex-positive content for all of you wonderful listeners. In this return episode, I thought I would demystify some popular myths regarding intimacy and sexuality. Enjoy!

Don't forget to follow me on Instagram @ClevelandSexTherapy and check out my website, www.ClevelandSexTherapy.com for more content and information!

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

Don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod and look at my website, www.ClevelandSexTherapy.com for more information!

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

Also, stay tuned, as I will have my first interview coming in the next few weeks! 

Don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod and look at my website, www.ClevelandSexTherapy.com for more information!

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

Don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod and look at my website, www.ClevelandSexTherapy.com for more information!

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

Stay tuned!

As always, don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod and my website, www.sexherenow.com. 

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

Have a great holiday season and see you in 2020!

As always, don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod and my website, www.sexherenow.com. 

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

Also, I plan on doing a "Mailbag" episode and answering some questions that you all have! Feel free to direct message me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod.

As always, don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod and my website, www.sexherenow.com. 

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

Also, I plan on doing a "Mailbag" episode and answering some questions that you all have! Feel free to direct message me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod.

As always, don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod and my website, www.sexherenow.com. 

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

WARNING: This episode does talk about rape and sexual assault.

As always, don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod and my website, www.sexherenow.com. 

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

Also, a new mini-education break about gaining trust back in your relationship. 

As always, don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod and my website, www.sexherenow.com. 

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

As always, don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod and my website, www.sexherenow.com. 

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

As always, don't forget to follow me on Instagram @Sex_HereAndNowPod and my website, www.sexherenow.com. 

Make sure you like, subscribe, and rate my podcast!

1) Those are birds chirping in the background at the beginning of the recording. Still trying to work out some things.

2) This is a shorter episode. I wanted to start putting content out ASAP.

3) Most episodes will be around 30 minutes in length once I get the hang of things. 

I hope you enjoy! Feel free to message me on my social media for any questions you may have regarding the topic.