Timestamps

• 0:00 Cold open
• 3:30 Coming out late, building a queer community
• 9:42 Pursing love with a friend
• 12:00 Girlfriend breakup, crew breakup
• 15:44 The stories we tell ourselves and friendship ideals
• 18:10 Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) and cognitive distortions
• 24:53 Transmuting pain into art
• 30:00 Accepting what is
• 33:00 Closing

Topics we discuss:

• Coming out and building community
• Role that queer families play for newly out folks
• Romantic relationships within a friend group
• Friend group ruptures in the wake of breakups
• Role of compounding factors in coping with loss
• The role of rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) in grappling with loss 
• Accepting the loss and moving forward

Research

• The Lesbian's Experience of Friendship by Jeanne Stanley pgs. 43-44
• Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria definitions from ADDitude and the Cleveland Clinic
• The lived experience of rejection sensitivity in ADHD - A qualitative exploration PLoS One - Published January 2026

Books

• The Other Significant Others by Rhaina Cohen
• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson
• Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen or End Any Relationship by KC Davis

Tools

• Thought Record exercise to combat distorted thinking

Welcome to the podcast & guest introductions

Aislin & Stella share their personal definitions of community and discuss the importance of safety, belonging, and shared experience.

Acknowledging privilege and the ongoing fight for inclusivity within the community.

The role of queer signifiers in self-expression
 • The importance of visibility and how it impacts self-acceptance
 • Challenges of stereotypes and expectations in queer spaces.

Stella’s journey in queer performance and burlesque
 • Aislin’s experience joining and organizing Queer Run Club
 • How stepping into leadership roles can help build and uplift community


Inclusivity struggles: Are we truly inviting everyone in?
 • Acknowledging gaps in trans and POC representation
 • The responsibility to create intentional, welcoming spaces


Financial barriers for queer artists
 • The decline of accessible media platforms for promotion
 • The importance of sustainable funding & corporate responsibility


Checking in on each other’s well-being
• Showing up for queer events and artists
 • The political climate and its impact on LGBTQ+ rights


• Masque of the Red Death (April 2024) - Upcoming queer performance produced by Saint Stella
• Queer Run Club - Weekly Saturday runs & coffee meetups

• Femme Fatale Toronto - Burlesque troupe showcasing Black and Women of Colour performers

• Sugar Holiday - Toronto-based burlesque performer and producer 
• Queer Jock Night
• Queer Mingle Events 
- Black and Indigenous-run meetups for the lesbian, non-binary, trans and queer community

• Rebecca @sexedbeforebed
• Aislin @queerrunclub & @architectaislin
• Stella @saintstella & https://saintstella.com

A world without rape. A world where sexual violence is rare. This is the goal of Sara's work on Flip the Script, a new Canadian sexual assault prevention program for young cis and trans women to assess, acknowledge and act. This episode is a must-listen for every parent and every young woman. 

We talked about how the program works and the positive impact it has had so far. We talked about how young women want to have these conversations about setting boundaries, understanding coercion and pondering what pleasure looks like for them. 

We also talked about radical self-love and for women, trusting our gut! 

Resources We Chatted About 

Globe and Mail Article 

Draw The Line 

Loveisrespect.org

Sexual Assault Centres Near You 

Follow Sara's Work

Insta @girls.resist

Twitter @girls_resist

About Flip the Script

Sexual Assault Resistance Education (SARE) Centre

Jessica Maxwell studies relationships and sex for a living. With Canadian roots, she's now an assistant professor at the University of Auckland. I learned things from her that I started applying to my own life as soon as the conversation ended.

Topics of discussion

• Sexual fixed mindset vs. growth mindset
• What factors play into long-term relationship satisfaction? 
• How often are people having sex?
• Who else is thinking about how often people are having sex?
• A neat quiz to tell your partner what you want in bed (or out of it)
• The Orgasm Gap 
• What's the best way to meet someone we're compatible with? 
• How scientific are dating apps? 
• Double standards & myths 

Fun Stuff

Sex preferences quiz | Mojo Upgrade 

Learn More 

• Jessica's website

List of researchers Jessica mentioned along with media coverage of their work: 

• Terri Fisher | LA Times | Who lies more about sex, men or women? 
• Sam Joel | The Cut | It's All Too Easy to Ignore Relationship Dealbreakers
• Amy Muise | Science Daily | Couples who have sex weekly are happiest 
• Lindsey Hick | Global News | Are you lying to yourself about how much sex you need in your relationship? 

We talked about the following topics as they pertain to Langa Township: 

• the intersection of poverty, class, race, intergenerational differences and culture in how residents talk or rather, do not talk about sex
• the many obstacles to speaking openly about sex and asking questions
• dating for young people 
• the impact of menstruation on young women
• lack of awareness regarding harassment and rape
• suggestions for how to move forward and create more open dialogue 
• local perspectives on LGBTQ folk 
• STEM programming for youth
• The iThuba Project

Learn More 

Episode Sources

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Langa,_Cape_Town

https://www.westerncape.gov.za/general-publication/teenage-pregnancy

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-45889366

https://hivhealthclearinghouse.unesco.org/library/documents/sexuality-education-south-africa-three-essential-questions

This interview stayed with me long after I stopped recording. With the proliferation of #metoo narratives in the media, this conversation is a much-needed dissection of sexual violence from several vantage points. Jessica doesn't give quick and easy answers, instead, she approaches this murky issue meticulously, using stories and research to punctuate her points. 

Together, we grappled with these questions and more: 

• What kinds of people commit sexual violence?
• Are there good people and bad people? 
• Is it possible to reconcile our perception of a "good" person with something horrible they've done?
• Is it possible for someone who has raped someone else to atone for it and/or be forgiven? 
• How much do we want to exclude people who have committed such acts and with what goal in mind?
• Can or should a guilty person be brought back into a community? 
• Does ostracizing the guilty help the problem? 
• How common are false rape accusations, really?
• How can art heal survivors? 

Links

The Ghomeshi Effect

Hannah Gadsby's Nanette Trailer

Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women

Intro & Outro Music

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume. 

Here's a snap of what you'll learn:

• When men experience trauma, how long do they tend to keep it secret?
• What is emotional integrity and why are more men interested in it now?
• How is #metoo impacting male survivors of sexual violence?
• How do ideas about Western masculinity foster a sense of shame for men?
• How does trauma impact the lives of men and the people around them and what can survivors do to start healing?

Links

Men and Healing

1in6

The Bristlecone Project

A groundbreaking, funny, frank conversation from five very distinct, brilliant vantage points. We asked the public to submit questions in advance and answered them on air. 'Twas awesome!

Sex Myths Uncovered will unbox the mysteries, misunderstandings, and curiosities surrounding women’s sexual health. The conversations explore both the physiological and the psychological, with voices from the medical community, sex work activism and sexual health education. Panelists will share their experiences from the Toronto sex community and beyond, opening up the discussion with the audience at the end for a Q&A.

Panelists

Veronica Kazoleas, M.A, Founder of The Nookie // Veronica Kazoleas, M.A. is an award-winning social psychologist and former healthcare executive. @thenookieshop

Allison M. Dalby, RN, MN-NP (candidate) // Allison has worked in sexual health throughout her nearly nine-year career as a Registered Nurse.

Claire AH, Matchmaker, Sex and Dating Coach/Educator, Disability Advocate // Claire AH is a matchmaker for Friend of a Friend Matchmaking, working with the Toronto LGBTQ+ community and the entire Hamilton population. www.ClaireAH.com Instagram: @claireahhhh

Ducky Doolittle, Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Counselor & Pleasure-Based Sex Educator // Ducky is a Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Counselor and a pleasure-based Sex Educator. @duckydoolittle 

Shriya Hari, Sexual Health Promoter/Community Based Researcher // Shriya Hari is an experienced community based researcher and sexual health promoter based in Toronto Ontario.@shareyournuance @asaaptoronto @kshyamasattic 

Angie addresses our questions about polyamory, also known as consensual non-monogamy, ripping apart misconceptions about people who practice it and how they practice it. She also shares the dramatic life events that led her to this profession and lifestyle. 

Hear tidbits on:

• the myriad ways consensual non-monogamy is practiced
• the discrimination polyamorists face
• establishing what you need from a relationship and how to set boundaries
• control and ownership in monogamous culture
• poly culture as primarily white and middle class
• how monogamous folk can be kinder to the poly community

Work with Angie

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Audiobinger/~/Rise_and_Shine_1696

During this enlightening chat, Sofia breaks down what tantra actually is (it's not what you think) and she answers an important question: Does improving your sex life and raising your sexual confidence ripple outwards to other areas of life? 

Sofia answers this question through her own rocky road to sexual self-discovery. Her story will make you wonder if your sexual self-esteem and habits are at a 6 when they could be at a 10 and some tactics for finding your peak. She also talks about how new moms struggle with changes to their sexuality. 

Sofia offers coaching services for women and couples worldwide, you can learn more here. 

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Audiobinger/~/Rise_and_Shine_1696

We get chatting about:

• how mindful self-touch has changed her sexual and non-sexual life in a massive way
• the way we see masturbation as a means to an end
• the way we check out to get off and how to get back in touch with our touch
• how we focus on one spot while ignoring the sensations in so many others
• funky ways to explore your body in new ways now
• what alt-porn looks like and why you should consider paying for your porn. 

Caitlin's blog to be a slut. 

Source: Human Sexuality in a World of Diversity, Fifth Canadian Edition by Spencer A. Rathus; Jeffrey S. Nevid; Lois Fichner-Rathus; Alexander McKay

The theme song is Rise and Shine.

Consent is one of the main reasons I wanted to be a sexual educator and it was a privilege to talk about how vague and messy consent navigation is with someone so well versed in the topic.

Expect to hear a nuanced chat about:

- what does consent look like when you're drunk or high? - how to establish boundaries - rejection strategies - what emotional literacy looks like - what it's like for Karen to teach people who are homophobic or racist - strategies for confronting racism and homophobia in your own family or friend group

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Audiobinger/~/Rise_and_Shine_1696

In episode 4, Wes tells the unforgettable full story. I ask some basic questions about:

What's it like taking testosterone?  What kind of stigma did you encounter?  What was your transition process?

The theme song is Little Lily Swing by Tri-Tachyon. 

The theme song is Little Lily Swing by Tri-Tachyon. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Tri-Tachyon/Little_Lily_Swing/Tri-Tachyon_-_01_-_Little_Lily_Swing

Matthew Ridley is a Pre-Clinical Fellow with the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy and holds an M.Sc. from the University of Guelph in Couple and Family Therapy.

In episode 3, Matthew and I talk about how he provides queer and sex-positive sex therapy for couples and singles and address these questions and way, way more:

Is there a "normal" when it comes to sex? How can refuting ideas about how we think sex is supposed to be ignite our private lives? Is porn bad for you/your relationship?

Who knows? You might get some complimentary therapy along the way ;)

The theme song is Little Lily Swing by Tri-Tachyon. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Tri-Tachyon/Little_Lily_Swing/Tri-Tachyon_-_01_-_Little_Lily_Swing

The theme song is Hungaria by Latché Swing. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Latch_Swing/demo_2008/Hungaria

So what causes domestic violence? As Whitney explains, it has to do with upbringing but also the way society strictly defines masculinity. Most domestic violence offenders are male and, as she explains with eloquence, men don’t think they’re allowed to express negative emotions, aside from anger. As Whitney reveals, anger is a secondary emotion, it’s driven by something else. This is a fascinating analysis of how social constructs can factor into violence.

It’s not all heavy. Hear the rehabilitative tactics Whitney uses to help clients amp up their empathy and unearth a deeper sense of what it means to “be a man”.

The theme song is Take Me Now by Nick Chapman.