HIGHLIGHTS

I think I have a gambling problem. Yeah, yeah, I think I do. I remember I went to Vegas a few months ago with my wonderful, beautiful hot wife, and I won $2,000. Since then, I've been playing slot machines here and there, at least once a week, and that might seem kind of not excessive to some people, but for me, it's pretty excessive. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I'm gonna tell you why. I have an issue with gambling. I have an issue with gambling because I have a very addictive personality. I get addicted to things quick. I get addicted to junk food. I get addicted to substances, maybe drugs. I haven't done drugs in a long time. Don't worry, it's been been a long time, like 20 years. Um, get addicted to video games

Why too much is not always good. The excess. You know, when you do too much of something, it gets boring sometimes, right? It is. Repetition doesn't always. It doesn't always make everything. It doesn't make everything better all the time. It sometimes makes things harder. When you eat a lot of food, what happens? You feel sick, right? You feel like sometimes disgusting, and I think a lot of times when you're in it and you're filling that hole, right, that we talked about, you're like you're not really seeing it because it's it's hard to stop yourself when you're in pain. When you're in pain, you want anything to take away that pain, and you don't care what it is. You'll take medicine. I mean, look at sports stars. Look at wrestlers. Some of them are in so much pain. They take these hardcore painkillers, and they end up becoming dependent on them because they use them so often. Maybe you're not built to be the saffling, and it's like because there's so much money in the line, there's so much. We sometimes build ourselves up into certain places that we don't have an escape hatch. We just have to keep moving forward with what we have because if we don't, we're going to lose our spot. We're going to lose all the things that we accumulated in our life, and it's funny because that is something Tyler Durden says in Fight Club is that there comes a time in life that the things you own start to own you.

It makes it easier to give yourself a rule book. So all you got to do is just keep working on that, and eventually you're going to find it. And one thing that I know is that one day at a time shit. That one day at a time shit is fucking helpful. If you can tell yourself just for today, I won't do this. That helps, because instead of saying every day for the rest of your life, you're only taking a 24-hour day, and think about it-you sleep about five to eight hours during that day anyway. So now you've knocked it down to, you know, roughly 15 to 20 hours

HIGHLIGHTS FROM SHOW

I wanted to address something real quick before we go on with the show, and it kind of falls in the theme of today's show. So this past week was a real rough week for me, and I talked a little bit about the depression I was feeling on Friday during FaceTime, and I wrote about it on the Chronicle yesterday, and I want to just let people know that I am good. I'm not going to hurt myself. I'm okay, and everything's cool because I got a lot of private messages. I got a lot of things saying you're loved, which I appreciate all that. So thank you, thank you for saying all that. But I will tell you this much: I am not a fucking quitter. So, the one thing I will not do is quit on life, no matter how tough it gets. But what I will say is this: as I am also not a bullshitter, if I am feeling something, I am going to express it, and I am going to tell you about it. I am not going to keep it locked in here, and I'm not going to sit here and play the little good vibes only game that people would like me to play. It's the thing that I've learned about life is when you are not feeling well, then it disturbs people. Okay, and you know what? If my life disturbs you, then get a fucking life. Seriously, if you are someone that really cares, then I love you, and that's beautiful. If you just want to make sure I'm okay, so you can sleep well at night, you know, I may never be okay. I mean, hell, I may not be okay right now when I'm talking to you. I mean, I'm feeling stable, but it doesn't necessarily mean that everything in my life is sugar bowls and cherries and shit, right? But I'm okay, and that's the important thing. And I just want people to know that. And you don't have to worry about Michael like hurting himself

 I've made some decisions that have fucked me, that have made me depressed because I am suffering the consequences of my actions, and no one likes to suffer, and the best thing we can all do is just sit through these things and just let them play out and hope that they don't bite us in the ass. And I'm sorry, there are decisions you're going to make in life that will bite you in the ass. You just have to wait for your ass to heal. And I will say this much: killing yourself is not going to make your ass heal. You may you may not have a chance to do anything, heal anything if you do that. Because once you punch that ticket in, it's over. There is no more coming back from that. There is no trying to make amends. With people, there is no giving people time to digest you. There's none of that anymore. That shit's over with. And here's the thing: if people can't digest you, like I think her name is Skydaddy, let them fucking choke. Because you live for you. You do what you need to do, and if you're not hurting anyone, if you're not stepping on anyone, you continue to do what you need to do. And if you do end up stepping on someone or hurting someone, you try to make good for it and you move on. And that's the important thing. So that's the reason why. Yes, I was very depressed, but I'm good, and I just want to come here and let everyone know that I'm good, and I am gonna. I'll tell you right now. There are gonna be times that I come on breathing bounds, whether it be on the FaceTime, whether it be on the Chronicle, whether it be right here on the show. That I'm gonna tell you I'm fucking depressed. There is gonna be times, and there are gonna be times where I take you in real dark places because of my depression. Because I want you to feel what I'm feeling because if you're someone that doesn't deal with depression, I want you to understand how serious it is. And if you are someone that does deal with depression, I want you to know that I see you and I know what you're going through, and you are not alone. And those those things are very important. Now, now that I got all that shit out of the way, let's go on with the show. And if you're watching this on video, www.breathandbounce.com. If you accidentally came across my video, so I want what I'm talking about today is really very much about all that depression, and I'm talking about hitting the wall, and we hit walls all the time in life. We find ways to make our life more fucked up than it is, or you know whatever. Or maybe we're living this beautiful life, and then reality smacks us in the face, and we have to say shit. I am here to let you know that you are not going to go through your life beautiful peaches scenes.

You know, there's nothing wrong with not feeling happy all the time. You know, some people sit here and they say, "Oh, you have to be happy. Be happy. Happy's great. We want to feel so happy all the time. We want to fucking fuck ourselves with a happy dildo. I mean, you can't be happy all the time. It is completely illogical to be happy all the time. And if you think you are happy all the time, what about all those moments when you're sitting by yourself and you feel disappointed about something that might have happened to you? Does that mean you're still happy? Oh, I try to keep a positive attitude. You know what? It's okay to keep a positive attitude, but don't push your positive attitude agenda on all of us because some of us are not ready for that. We're not ready to digest that. You know, it's kind of like you go to a bar, you know, and they have jello shots. Maybe you're not a jello shot person, and maybe you don't need the happiness jello shots coming your way. You need to just be alone and drink your fucking Jack Daniels in the corner and say fuck it, right, right.

HIGHLIGHTS

 If you saw the Michael moment face Friday FaceTime on Friday, then you know, you know that I have been feeling kind of shitty. I was talking about a lot of image issues, like you know, self-image, just not feeling good. I didn't like the way my hair looked. I didn't like the way my body looked. I didn't like the way my bank account looked. Yeah, I was really negative during that, and I mean, I tried to turn it around, obviously, and make it positive, and talk about, you know, that. I think the ultimate thing was when I've tried to discuss problems with people, they will say, "Well, we all got problems, and it really, I think, as when you're trying to open up to someone, and that's the response, it is one of the most invalidating bullshit things that someone could say. So at that point, you know, you feel defeated and you feel alone. And here's the truth: I've been feeling really alone for the last year or so, and I think part of that came from the fact I did.

 I I just want to look normal and I want to be normal, And I guess I don't know what normal is, but I mean, well, the truth of the matter is, is that as we get older, the clock's ticking, right? The clock is ticking on life because we never know when our number is going to get called. We never know when we're going to be pulled, and we never know when we're going to have to face that time when we come face to face with God. And I feel like I've got a lot of unfinished business going on right now. I have a lot of unfinished business with being a parent, being a husband, putting this show on the map, and getting people, and just helping do my part to try to help people through their shit, whether they rage out, whether they feel depressed, whatever it is. 

All right, you are going into the swimming pool, and you are the only person in that pool. When you go into the pool, the pool is clean, right? There's nothing in there. It might be a little chlorine, but there's nothing unless you are pissing and shitting in that pool. You don't have to worry about the little kids coming in there and doing it for you. You don't have to worry about other people coming, bringing their shit in there, right? And when I say shit, I'm not smart the literal shit. I'm just too much like whatever shit, you know. They got some skin shit, and it's going. I don't want to. I don't want to scare people from going into a swimming pool, so I'll shut the fuck up. But here, so you're in this pool, and when you're in this pool, one person comes in, and they are bringing their shit into the pool. And then two, then three. Eventually, there are fucking 25 motherfuckers in that pool, and you started there with a clean pool, and now you don't know what the hell's going on, right? So obviously, you're going to get out of the pool. But the pool was yours. You enjoyed the pool. You wanted to go in the pool. You didn't want people to ruin it for you. Your experience in the pool, that is. So. When you get out of the pool, the question is this: Are you going to go back in the pool? Yeah, when shit clears out, you will, right? And that's what we do in life: is we don't understand that the pool is always there for us. The pool is always there for us to swim in. The pool is always there for us to hang out in.

HIGHLIGHTS

It hurts a lot. It hurts a lot because then you are in this private cell of your making because of the way you behaved in the past, and the truth of the matter is, you may not have been, you may not be that person anymore. You might have grown, you might have changed, you might have done all these things, but they still see you as that same person, and maybe it's more comfortable for them to do that because they don't want to like you because then they feel like they're liking that bad part of you, and that's a very, very difficult situation to get out of. Because you can do all the things you want, but they're always still going to think that you're this bad person, and you just feel like everything is wasted, and sometimes you build yourself up to a point where you might find new people in your life, and you might be trying to start a new chapter, but those old parts are still there, and they're still floating around. And even every once in a while, one of those people might whisper in your ear and tell you you're not good enough.

 I feel like we all have to deal with our issues, and the further away we get from doing that, the worse off we are. And I, I'm scared. I'm scared for myself right now because I, I'm seeing the darker sides of people lately, and that is not a place I go to unless I'm not feeling right. So I need to figure out what am I going to do to fix this. What am I going to do to walk into the light and get out of the darkness. How am I not going to waste time? It's a really hard place to be in life when you don't know what you're supposed to do because of all the pain and suffering you've brought to other people, and more importantly, you've brought all this pain and suffering to yourself. I have been very depressed lately, and a lot of it's because I've been alone. I. I feel that people really don't want to be around me. I feel that way about my family, and It's my fault. I let my mental illness get the best of me. I didn't really get the right kind of help I needed. I didn't really seek out alternative resources. I threw myself in the fire instead of getting out, and I've done that so many times in my life where I haven't had the power just to walk away, and it's very sad because I really know these skills. 

HIGHLIGHTS

We have to say, "This is it. I'm tired of living this life. I'm tired of beating myself up. I'm tired of creating all these obstacles for myself. I am tired of facing fucking heartache every fucking day, so you gotta first say that to yourself, and then once you say that to yourself, then the fun begins. Yeah, yeah, it's what I'm saying. It's time for the heartache to end. It is time for all the bullshit to end, and we all have to remember that everything in life and tends to be our fault. It tends to be because of something we did. Now, yes, there are crazy people out there that are just gonna fuck with you. So then you gotta make the decision whether or not you want to be around those people or not. You know, you got to make the decision of who's going to support you on your journey and who's not. Who's going to try to, you know, screw things up for you, or who is going to be the ones that are going to help elevate you? And sometimes, unfortunately, we have to just, you know, understand that we might have to do it all by ourselves because, you know, one of the things is people don't want to see you succeed. Sometimes people want to keep you at their level, and that is something that is something that happened to me pretty much. I would say towards the later years of high school, as I started to go to college, I started to do shit, and a lot of my other friends they got left behind, and and a lot of my other friends that were kind of in that same mindset as we as I was, they kind of went on their own journey too, right? They kind of just started doing their own thing, and they started deciding that it would be better to you know invest in themselves rather than invest in the partying and stuff. So you have to just make sure that you are with people that are going to elevate you, people that are going to push you, people are going to support you. And you know what, family? I just told you a little while ago about how my family kind of held me back. My family completely held me back in my life. My family didn't give me any hope of college, and maybe it was because I was a bad kid, and they thought I was a fuck up. Maybe that had something to do with it. Maybe they just thought that I was too fucked up in my head to move forward, you know, because of all the ADHD and all the other shit that I. Gone through, I mean, this is these are two people that decided to put me on Ridlin at age four. Okay, so they obviously wanted to have a nice, cool kid like my brother, because my brother was the opposite of me. My brother did well in school. My brother made friends. My brother didn't have getting to fights all the time. My brother wasn't doing drugs all the time. That was me. I did all that shit, and I think I was the out black sheep of the family. And I think my dad was just always resentful of me because I think my dad, you know, I think he put all his eggs in my brother's basket. But I showed him that I was the I was the son that you should have bet on, and I mean my brother's successful too. I haven't spoken to him in more than a decade, and I know he, you know, I know he's got a business and he's doing his own thing, and he's out in Arizona right now, and you know I have nothing but love for him, you know, even though he doesn't really give a shit that I'm alive or not, but that's okay because we don't worry about what people think about us. We worry about how we feel inside.

We don't have to eat at dinner with everyone we don't like, but we don't have to wish them to starve. You know what I mean? And I think that's part of the problem: is we don't have that sense of gratitude. We don't have that sense of just being a okay, and it's something that you learn. It's something that you teach yourself. It's something that you learn by just seeing the experiences of other people. You know, many people are quick to judge others because of whatever their reasons are, but they don't really put themselves in the shoes. But that's all about you know trying to get the toxicity out of your body, and it's about trying to start to find people who have shared values as you, who are like-minded like you, who are going to push you. And if you can't find that people, so you know that's what you got to do is you just got to start making decisions on what you're going to associate with, what you're going to take in, what you're going to do. You're going to have to just start really thinking about it, and you're going to have to make sacrifices because there might be fun people out there, people you really look. But are those people good for you? Are those people helping you? Are they helping elevate you? That's the question. You know, for the most part, people I think always mean well, but I don't think people know when they're really taking someone down. I've always tried never to push down anyone else's dreams in life. I've always wanted to be, especially like my my children, especially. You know, I truly believe in their talent. I do believe in their abilities, and I will support them

Hello, all my stoners out there. Hello to you. Thank you for tuning in to Breathe and Bounce. My name is Michael. I am the star of the show. I am the one that makes the drinks. I'm the one that. Loads the bongs. Okay, all right. We're not going there. That was that was an old character. Sorry. Anyway, thank you for joining us today. It's funny that I talk about that old character. So today, the show we're talking about is the lies that we tell ourselves, and the lies that we tell other people-that's what today's show is about. I guess the big question is why do we feel this need to lie? Now, not everyone lies about everything, but we tell little white lies. Don't say that you don't because you do. You have maybe you don't anymore. I remember. I felt I I wanted to live this dream life when I was in junior high. I wanted to go to concerts, and there was one concert in particular I really wanted to go to, and it was Dio, Megadeth, and Sabotage. And I ended up watching the Dio part on Headbander's Ball because they had a special. So I said I went to the concert. I don't know. I wanted to look cool with my friends. I went to a concert. I had no T-shirts, had no proof, but people bought it, and I think it's because that's kind of what I wanted was to be that. And I think we all like to tell lies, and we like to exaggerate things, and we like to do things so people will see us in a more positive light. I think we also like to lie to ourselves about who we truly are as well, and I think it's easier for us to lie to ourselves about who we are at essence because the fiction is always easier to digest in the truth, and the fiction is beautiful because the fiction is what makes people excited. It gets people emotionally invested. The truth, truth not so much. I mean, sometimes if the truth is salacious enough and gaudy enough, sure people will buy into it. And sometimes we don't even know if that is the truth. We live in a society of lies, don't we? I mean, look at all the tabloids. You know, those are right there at the grocery store. You'll see the National Enquirer, and you'll see something that says like bringing Ronald Reagan back to life or some shit like that, and you're like, how the fuck are they gonna do that? But I think the truth of the matter is, is fiction is easier to take than truth. I think it's easier to take than truth when you're dealing with your role models in sports and TV, I mean, especially when you're a kid. I mean, it's so much easier to believe that there's a fictitious red man in a suit jumping around from house to house, going down chimneys, giving people presents, rather than knowing it's your parents. Oh my God, my parents did this shit for me. But it's still a loving gesture. But we do these little things. We tell these little stories because it makes everything more beautiful. Makes everything more digestible. It comes with the territory of who we are, and we might be very self-involved, selfish. We might be very conceited, and all these things. But we like to tell people that we're not. But I think inside of us, a lot of us can be. I think a lot of us can be judgmental. I think there's a lot of people that can, you know, think different things about certain people, and I think we eventually, when we become honest about these parts of us, that's when we have the opportunity to take action and possibly get away from those parts, and that's hard to do once again because you know bullshit is easier to swallow than the truth, and I know that sounds disgusting to eat bullshit, but I guess it tastes better. I think a bunch of like companies want to give you bullshit that some of the food you're eating is really healthier than when it's not. I think. People want to give you bullshit that if you buy Gucci, if you buy Louis Vuitton, you're going to be better than other people.

• The speaker reflected on personal struggles with emotional fragility and reactivity, especially during recent life 'storms.'
• Acknowledged a pattern of overreacting to criticism and being defensive, often hurting loved ones in the process.
• Recognized the need for a stronger personal foundation and more consistent mindfulness practices.
• Admitted to lapses in self-care routines like yoga and meditation, and the impact of negative self-talk and past trauma.
• Emphasized the importance of self-assessment, accepting discomfort as part of growth, and making conscious efforts to change.
• Stressed that real change requires personal responsibility and cannot be expected from others.
• Expressed a desire to be more mindful, less reactive, and to practice what is preached, especially in relationships.
• Highlighted the value of having supportive loved ones and the motivation they provide for self-improvement.
• Invited listeners to join in the journey of self-work and mutual encouragement.
• Concluded with a message of hope, perseverance, and the importance of ongoing effort in personal growth.

Being fragile is not always the worst thing in the world, but I when we talk about the storms that affected the Fourth of July, we think about the trees. Some of those trees broke, and some of those didn't, and the ones that broke were the ones that didn't have a solid foundation. Now, I'm not going to lie to you, I have not been built on a solid foundation for a long time. I keep trying to solidify that foundation in my life, and storms come and shipwreck me. And when that happens, I do not react well with it. I do not act mindfully. I do not act as much as I talk on the show. I really fuck it up, and a lot of it is because I really have not been working on my mindfulness lately. I have not been working on what I need to be working on, and I think I'm gonna have to go back to the mat for that, but I think it goes beyond that. I think it goes beyond the fact that growing up as a child I never thought I was good enough for anybody, and some of that was in my own head, and over the last few decades my body of work professionally says that all that shit was in my head, because I've done things that are pretty cool, you know. I had a public access show, and on this public access show, I was able to interview people with the likes of, like, Rob Zombie and Slayer, and those were not easy interviews to come by, but I got them. I would put together all age shows, and I did it with a very limited budget, and at one point it started to become profitable. So, it makes me think about maybe I should go back into that, I was out of my ass, fired, not knowing what my future was going to be, and I ended up building a pretty strong school transportation company, and then because we needed extra money, I built a good airport transportation company, and this is all stuff that I should be proud of, and this is all stuff that I should say to myself, "Damn, that's fucking good, Mike, but it's not enough, and the reason why it's not enough is because that foundation isn't strong. Last week we talked about loving yourself and finding yourself, and I find myself, but then I lose track of what's important because of the storms that come my way when I get criticized, when I get called out for past behavior, when I talk about, you know, things not going well, I don't handle it well at all. I yell, I accuse people of shit, I do a lot, and yes, I'm a work in progress, and yes, I've. Made improvement, but I think what it comes down to for me is that foundation I have found a moral compass, but that moral compass has to be stronger. Part of the reason why I made so many mistakes in my younger years, because I didn't have one, I didn't really give myself boundaries, I didn't give myself any lead way, I just basically did whatever the fuck I wanted to, and when people got me mad, I would, I would fire back, and I would even go on to say, if there were people that I fired back at that seemed like they were going to beat the shit out of me. I kind of cowered a little bit, and that has not served me at all. It has not served loved ones in my life. It has not served anybody. So, I think the first thing I have to realize is how fragile I truly am. How sensitive I really am. I have to have an understanding of what am I going to do about that, because I think ultimately that's where we have to start, is we have to start with that self-assessment. We have to start with that feeling of understanding that we can be tough, we can be strong, but we're not at this moment. That's part of the reason why I go to the gym, is because I get try to get myself stronger, I try to get myself in better shape. But what am I doing to get my mind in better shape right now? Do I go to therapy? That's great.   meditate from time to time, that's great, but it's not when I.. it's not consistent. I stopped going to yoga, and I stopped going to yoga because a lot of the nuances of yoga have pissed me off, and I just saw a lot of judgmental folks there, and I'm like, How do I know they're not judging me? Well, what I need to say to myself, is who cares what they say about me. I need to, I need to get into this. I need to go back, because I think that's something that helps, that calmness, that stillness, that feeling of just being with yourself, learning how to breathe with one movement, one breath. I got to get back there, because I cannot live my life fragile forever. I have to become stronger. There are people counting on me, and most of all, I need to be able to count on myself, so I So, how do I move forward? How do I continue to move forward when I have gone through everything that I've gone through? When I have brought people down with me, you know, I may not be the same person I was before, but there are still parts of that same person here now, and they are parts that are no longer serving me. There are parts that are not helping me in my cause. They are not parts that are helping anything. You see, it's a matter of just understanding that I fall down all the time, I fall down, I lose my temper, I can be really persistent, I can be really crazy, I do a lot of stupid shit when I, when I get, and I think maybe it is the BPD, because there is that fear that that person's never going to speak to me again, and I, but that's something I know, so if I know that, then I can use that to my advantage to saying, okay, are these people really never going to be there again? I need to start asking myself questions, I need to start asking myself facts, I need to start understanding what's reality and what's fiction, and that's what happens all the time when I have these issues, and I walk around every day of my life with this fight, this reality verse fiction fight, it's happening all the time for me, because someone could say hello to me, I want to talk to you, and the first thing I do is my mind goes to a bad place, if someone says something critical of me, I get fucking agitated, a friend of mine once told me to become butter, and I have not done a good job with that. I hold everything in my heart that people say to me, I care so much, and I think it's because I do that. It, that's why I continue to fall down, but the thing about falling down that's beautiful is you have the chance to get back up, but I have fallen down and gone back up so many fucking times in my life, I don't know how much more you can do it, I don't know how much more is in me, am I just an epic failure in life, or am I a tough son of a bitch? The whole thing to me is just really hard. Life is hard, adulting is hard when you've been in defense mode your entire life. It's so hard to surrender. It's so hard to just let go, and it's my inability to let go that makes me to continue to fall down. Think the hardest part for me is giving into the temptation, giving into the temptation of needing that, I guess, that feeling of being right, feeling just, feeling like my feelings matter, and my feelings do matter. When my feelings get hurt, that sucks. But there's a difference between someone saying something to you and making you feel like shit because of something you did, and someone just saying something to you and just making you feel like shit, and sometimes maybe I cannot differentiate between the two.

https://otter.ai/u/j2KgG3U4ogB2nw9dWuD6pIuRunc?view=summary

Michael from Breathe and Bounce discusses the concept of moving forward in life, emphasizing that progress is constant even when it feels stagnant. He explores various life transitions, such as breakups, job changes, and emancipation, highlighting the challenges and rewards associated with each. Michael shares personal anecdotes, including his experiences with career shifts and the importance of self-love and decisive action. He encourages listeners to embrace change, take risks, and find the courage to turn the page, stressing that the ultimate win is self-love and personal growth.

• Speaker 1 introduces the show as a fun episode after a series of dark and gritty shows.
• Emphasizes the concept of moving forward in life, even when it feels like standing still.
• Discusses the idea that people are always moving towards something, even during difficult times.
• Mentions various life challenges such as abuse, homelessness, and natural disasters.

• Speaker 1 suggests using breakups as a benchmark for the show, noting that breakups can be in various aspects of life, not just romantic relationships.
• Discusses the difficulty of moving forward from long-term relationships and the impact of breakups.
• Talks about transitions like leaving a job or emancipating from parents.
• Highlights the fear and uncertainty associated with change and the importance of adapting.

• Speaker 1 shares personal experiences of leaving a job and the challenges faced.
• Mentions the importance of taking opportunities for growth and the consequences of staying in unfulfilling situations.
• Discusses the impact of leaving a comfortable job for a new opportunity and the lessons learned.
• Emphasizes the need to find the courage to move on and make changes.

• Speaker 1 talks about overcoming fear, particularly fear of public speaking, and the importance of taking risks.
• Shares a story about a job opportunity that turned out to be a bad experience but led to starting a business.
• Discusses the importance of decisive action and the role of mental illness in making changes.
• Emphasizes the need for self-love and the courage to make changes for personal growth.

• Speaker 1 stresses the importance of self-love and the ultimate win of loving oneself.
• Discusses the role of gratitude in appreciating lessons learned from difficult experiences.
• Highlights the importance of breath and the name of the show, "Breathe and Bounce."
• Encourages listeners to believe in themselves and take action to make positive changes in their lives.

• Speaker 1 talks about the importance of living in the moment and embracing change.
• Discusses the need to believe in oneself and take responsibility for one's life.
• Emphasizes the importance of making decisions and taking action to move forward.
• Encourages listeners to find the courage to turn the page and make changes for a better future.

HIGHLIGHTS

"When you betray someone's trust, that's exactly what happens, is you have to start over. You have to try again. You have to understand that this time when you're starting over, it's kind of like—you're kind of like when you're lifting weights, you know, you're lifting up that weight and you're not getting stronger, you're just keeping things at an even level, trying to make things normal. So, it's kind of like that. Whenever you betray anyone, when it comes to addiction, when it comes to infidelity, when it comes to, you know, your temper, if someone gives you the chance, you have to meet them where they're at, and that is one of the things that I missed the boat on for the last 10 years of my relationship."

I think the real has been in the last five years where I've actually contemplated taking my life, and a lot of it is because it's very difficult for me to live with the things I've done to other people. It's been very difficult for me to look at myself in the mirror and say, hey, I like that guy. It's been very difficult for me to just be able to put one foot in front of the other, fearing that I'm going to make another bad decision in my life, right. So, the question is, How do you do it? And the way you do it is, you have to just go, you have to move forward. Those two words, the two words that I've been taught that I live and die by, are begin again, 

HIGHLIGHTS

Now, you might be someone in high school that's popular, and everyone loves you. You might be someone at work that is the cool guy or the cool girl that everyone wants to hang out with, go hang out at the water cooler, go have some drinks, go do a bunch of shit, right? That might be the case, but the truth of the matter is, are they your friends? Are these people your friends? Are these running buddies that you're hanging with right now? You have to ask yourself this question, because at the end of the day, you need to find people that are going to elevate you, and when I say elevate you, I don't mean just tell you that you're cool, but actually make you want to do good things and support you when you do things, but you see, here's the thing, and this is the problem that we run into so much in our lives, is we are afraid, we are afraid of being rejected, we are afraid of being alone, we are afraid of being less than we are afraid of all these things, and most of the time these things come up because why, because of our upbringing, because of our childhood experiences, because of the things that we, we experienced when we were younger, and those experiences follow us throughout our life. 

So we'll do anything, and then sometimes when people are mean to us, then we do things to try to get them to stop. We try to offer things, we try to do things, that's kind of what we did as kids, and unfortunately that behavior kind of led us to where we're at today. It definitely led me. I'm going to talk a little bit about a few things with me, and it's going to be hard for me to talk about, because I, it's just falling into that bubble of truth. Trying to impress people, trying to make people like you, trying to show people I'm this person, and you need to like me, right? I have been so guilty of that throughout my whole life.

HIGHLIGHTS

So then, when I came back, some things happened with my business, and it was pretty messy. It was pretty fucked up. We made some huge mistakes as a company, and I'm saying we, because the buck starts with me. If any of the people working for me make a mistake, I have to own that. I have to own that for whatever reason. Maybe they were not prepared, maybe they are not committed, and I didn't see it. Maybe whatever, but we had a lot of shit go down, and we had our busiest for my company, Huntley Hills. We had our busiest day ever. We actually had 39 orders, and unfortunately, I was not able to handle it all, because we had situations that happened beyond our control.

I wanted to help men become more sure of themselves, and I met a dude at Savannah, his name's Anton, who does that kind of work, and I talked to him a little bit after the class we took, which was my last class there, which was a very invigorating class, because it made me believe the person I want to be, and not even, I didn't even leave the state yet, and I was already feeling kind of shitty,

when you are an abusive man, and then you fucking have the aftermath of it, and this is if you are someone that does have a heart and does feel compassion and is contrite, it isn't easy to walk through life and say that you are a good person when you think about the things you've done, and then you have people telling you, well, you are a good person, but it's like you don't know me, you really don't know who I am, and you don't know my history, and you don't know my whole story, and I feel like if I do tell you my story, you're gonna run away from me,

I talk about why people contemplate this and my own personal battles for suicidal ideation, and my own experience with self harm due to my erratic and impulsive behavior.  Why do we do it? Are we feeling alone?  We want the pain of life to stop?  We feel that the world is better off.  I dive in and of course examine why a final solution may not always be best.