Jessica shares vulnerably from her own journey through divorce, including the pain of rejection, the temptation to rush into another relationship, and the slow, sacred work of learning that God alone is enough. Together, Leslie and Jessica offer compassion, clarity, and biblical hope for women who feel broken, disqualified, or afraid that life will never feel whole again.

Jessica reminds women that divorce may be part of your story, but it is not who you are. Your worth is not determined by whether someone chose you, stayed with you, or left you. God created you with purpose, dignity, and calling—and divorce does not cancel that.

Too often, women try to numb the pain of divorce through dating, busyness, or distraction. Jessica honestly shares how rushing into relationships after her first divorce kept her from grieving and healing. Her encouragement is clear: give yourself time, sit with God in the pain, and allow Him to become your refuge.

Leslie and Jessica talk about the difference between wanting companionship and needing a relationship in order to be okay. When another person becomes necessary for your worth, security, or identity, they take a place only God can fill. Healing helps you come into any future relationship as a whole adult—not someone looking to be completed.

Divorce creates painful complications, especially when children are involved. Jessica encourages women to focus on the children’s well-being rather than getting caught in power struggles with an ex-spouse. Leslie adds the importance of keeping your side of the street clean through wise boundaries, limited contact when needed, and calm, clear communication.

Whether you remarry someday or remain single, your life still matters. Leslie and Jessica challenge the lie that your “best years” are behind you. With God, you can continue to grow, heal, serve, and become a stronger, wiser, more grounded version of yourself.

Feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Get the Quickstart Guide and take your next step toward clarity, courage, and healing.

Download the Quickstart Guide here: https://leslievernick.com/guide

Friend, divorce may feel like the end of everything familiar, but it is not the end of you. God is not surprised by your pain, your questions, or your future. He is near to the brokenhearted, faithful in the wilderness, and able to bring beauty from ashes.

You are not disqualified. You are not forgotten. And with God’s help, you can grieve, heal, grow, and step into the next chapter of your life with courage and hope.

Kelly shares how years of harmful teaching, church responses, and confusion around what God really asks of women kept her trapped in a destructive marriage. But she also offers hope. Through Scripture, truth, support, and courage, Kelly began to reclaim her voice, rebuild her faith, and discover that God does not ask us to suffer our best for someone else’s worst.

Key Takeaways

Abuse can begin early and still be hard to name Kelly shares that the abuse in her marriage began on her honeymoon, yet it took her years to fully recognize it for what it was. When harmful behavior is wrapped in spiritual language or normalized by church culture, women often question themselves instead of naming the truth.

Bad theology can keep women bonded to harm One of the most heartbreaking parts of Kelly’s story is how often she sought help, only to be sent back into danger. This episode shines a light on how distorted teachings about submission, forgiveness, and suffering can be used to pressure women to endure abuse rather than wisely confront it.

Biblical submission is not silence, coercion, or one-sided obedience Kelly unpacks how studying Scripture with fresh eyes changed everything for her. She came to see that biblical submission is mutual and rooted in reverence for Christ, not in domination, fear, or forced compliance.

Healing begins when confusion starts to lift After discovering her husband’s adultery, Kelly began questioning everything she had been taught. Through Scripture, Leslie’s book The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, and the support of safe women, the fog began to clear and she could finally see the manipulation and control for what it was.

You are the one who must choose before God One of the most powerful moments in this episode is Kelly’s reminder that she was the one who had to make the decision about her future. Even when spiritual leaders pressured her toward a certain outcome, she learned that a godly woman must discern, with God’s help, what is true, wise, and necessary for her own safety and stewardship.

A Personal Invitation

If Kelly’s story stirred something in you and you’re realizing you need clarity, support, and a safer next step, the Quick Start Guide is a wonderful place to begin. It’s designed to help you better understand what’s happening in your relationship, ground yourself in truth, and take wise, practical steps forward.

Get the Quick Start Guide here: https://leslievernick.com/guide

Friend, if you have been living under the weight of fear, confusion, or spiritual pressure, please hear this: God sees you. He is not asking you to deny reality in order to be faithful. He is a God of truth, love, wisdom, and light.

There is hope for healing. There is freedom on the other side of confusion. And with God’s help, you can reclaim your voice, renew your faith, and take your next step in courage.

Have you ever tried to set a boundary… only to feel shut down, ignored, or even guilted into backing down?

In this honest and practical episode, Leslie is joined by trusted coach Diana Bala to walk through real-life questions women face every day—how to hold boundaries when someone is angry, how to navigate emotionally draining family dynamics, and how to stop overfunctioning in relationships. Together, they offer compassionate wisdom, biblical truth, and actionable steps to help you move from confusion and exhaustion to clarity and courage. 

Key Takeaways

1. Boundaries Are About Your Actions—Not Controlling Theirs One of the biggest misunderstandings about boundaries is thinking they’re about stopping someone else’s behavior. They’re not. Boundaries are about what you will do when someone behaves in a way that feels unsafe or unhealthy. Instead of saying, “You can’t yell at me,” a healthier boundary is: “I’m not willing to stay in this conversation when you’re yelling.” This shift empowers you to take responsibility for your own well-being.

2. Staying Grounded When Emotions Escalate When someone raises their voice or pressures you, your body naturally reacts. You may feel anxious, frozen, or overwhelmed—and that’s normal. Learning to regulate yourself in those moments—through grounding, breathing, and staying focused on your boundary—helps you avoid getting pulled into circular arguments. You don’t have to respond to every accusation; you can calmly repeat your boundary and disengage.

3. Small Boundaries Still Count (And Build Courage) If strong, direct boundaries feel unsafe or overwhelming, start small. Even saying, “I can’t talk right now,” or taking a break can be a powerful first step. These small shifts begin to change the dynamic. They also give you valuable information about how safe the relationship truly is—and whether additional support or a safety plan may be needed.

4. You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Reactions This is one of the hardest truths to accept: people may feel disappointed, angry, or upset when you set a boundary—and that doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. Just as Jesus didn’t say “yes” to everyone, you are allowed to honor your limits. You can be kind and empathetic toward someone’s feelings without taking responsibility for managing them.

5. Overfunctioning Keeps Others From Growing Overfunctioning often comes from a good heart—but it can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and imbalance. It may even prevent others from stepping into their own responsibilities. Ask yourself: What am I getting out of this? and Is this actually helping—or enabling? Letting go of overfunctioning means setting internal boundaries first—deciding what you will and won’t carry—and then consistently following through, even when it feels uncomfortable.

If you’re in a relationship that feels confusing, draining, or even destructive, you don’t have to figure this out alone.

The CONQUER Membership is a safe, faith-based space designed specifically for Christian women who want clarity, healing, and practical support. Inside, you’ll find biblical teaching, live coaching, and a community of women walking a similar path.

👉 Learn more here: https://leslievernick.com/membership

Friend, learning to set boundaries isn’t about becoming harsh or unkind—it’s about becoming whole.

God cares deeply about your dignity, your safety, and your well-being. As you begin to take even small steps toward honoring yourself, you are also stepping closer to the life of peace and freedom He desires for you.

You are not alone in this journey. With courage, practice, and God’s guidance, change is possible. 

Have you ever done everything you were told a “good Christian wife” should do—pray harder, forgive quickly, submit more—only to find yourself deeply betrayed and wondering where God is in the middle of it all?

In this powerful conversation, Leslie sits down with counselor, speaker, and author Tammy Gustafson to talk honestly about betrayal trauma and the unique struggles Christian women face when their marriages are shattered by infidelity or sexual betrayal. Together, they unpack the spiritual confusion, misplaced responsibility, and emotional pain many women carry—and offer a path toward courageous, honest healing.

If you’ve ever felt trapped between your faith and your pain, this episode will help you find clarity, permission, and hope for moving from broken to brave.

When Faith Messages Keep Women Stuck

Many Christian women struggle to heal after betrayal because of harmful messages they’ve internalized—messages about submission, silence, and being responsible for their husband’s behavior. These teachings can make women feel small, guilty, or spiritually obligated to ignore their own pain. True healing requires untangling these distortions and rediscovering the heart of God, who sees and cares about the pain of betrayal.

Anger Is Not the Enemy—It’s Part of Healing

Anger is a normal and healthy response to betrayal. In fact, it’s often the energy that empowers women to set boundaries, find their voice, and begin healing. Tammy explains the difference between healthy anger, which helps us process grief, and rage, which harms. Suppressing anger often keeps women stuck, while honestly expressing it can move healing forward.

Why His Healing Can’t Be Your Job

After betrayal, many women instinctively focus on their husband’s shame, regret, or recovery. But this often stops the healing process. Tammy explains that true restoration begins when each person stays in their own “shoes”—the betrayer doing the hard work of repentance and change, and the betrayed partner focusing on her own healing. When that balance is restored, real transformation becomes possible.

Forgiveness Has a Process—And It Can’t Be Forced

Many Christian women are pressured to forgive quickly, but premature forgiveness can actually shut down the healing process. Forgiveness doesn’t mean the betrayal was okay, and it doesn’t guarantee reconciliation. Instead, forgiveness usually comes after truth-telling, grieving, and processing anger. When women allow healing to unfold in the right order, forgiveness becomes freeing rather than forced.

Brave Healing Requires Strength and Self-Honor

Moving from broken to brave means stepping into your God-given worth and refusing to minimize the harm done to you. It means honoring your grief, setting boundaries, and recognizing that you deserve safety, honesty, and respect. Though this path may feel unfamiliar—or even selfish—it is often the courageous step toward real healing and freedom.

If this conversation resonates with you, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate these questions by yourself.

If you’re wondering whether what you’re experiencing is actually abuse—even if there’s no physical violence—I invite you to join my upcoming workshop:

Conquer Workshop: If He Doesn’t Hit Me, Is It Still Abuse? God Cares. Register here: https://leslievernick.com/masterclass

This workshop will help you understand what healthy and unhealthy relationship dynamics really look like—and what God says about your safety, dignity, and well-being.

Tammy is also offering a powerful resource for women navigating betrayal recovery:

To access the freebie, click here: https://betrayalhealing.thrivecart.com/webinar-series-her-work/?coupon=LVFREE26

Her training will help you understand what helps—and what hurts—the healing process after betrayal.

Friend, if you are walking through the devastation of betrayal right now, please hear this: your pain matters, and God sees it.

Healing may take time. It may require courage you didn’t know you had. But you are not alone, and this painful chapter does not have to define the rest of your story.

With God’s help, wisdom, and the right support, it is possible to move from brokenness to strength—from confusion to clarity—and from despair to hope.

And I’m cheering you on every step of the way.

What happens when the unthinkable becomes your reality—and yet you still choose faith?

In today’s deeply moving episode, Leslie sits down with Hope Hooton, a courageous mother, advocate, and follower of Jesus whose life changed forever in May 2024 when her two children, Alec and Lydia, were tragically killed during court-ordered visitation with their father. In the midst of unspeakable grief, Hope has chosen to trust God and use her voice to protect other children.

Through her testimony, advocacy, and new memoir releasing today, Hope reminds us that even in devastating loss, God’s presence can still be found—and that purpose can rise from the deepest pain.

Recognizing the Red Flags of Abuse Looking back, Hope can now clearly see the warning signs in her marriage—manipulation, gaslighting, emotional control, financial abuse, and power struggles. Abuse rarely starts dramatically; it often unfolds subtly over time. Naming these patterns is the first step toward protecting yourself and your children.

When Systems Fail to Protect Children Despite documented domestic violence and severe mental illness, the court granted Hope’s husband unsupervised visitation with their young children. This devastating decision highlights a heartbreaking reality many mothers face: the family court system often prioritizes parental rights over child safety.

Faith That Holds in the Darkest Night After losing her children, Hope’s life as she knew it disappeared overnight. Yet in her grief, she clung tightly to God’s presence—spending time in prayer, journaling, and meditating on Scripture. Proverbs 3:5–6 became her lifeline: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

Turning Tragedy Into Purpose Hope refused to allow her children’s story to end in silence. Through her social media platform Hope In The Pain, she shares encouragement, faith, and the reality of walking through grief with God. She also hosts the Voices Against Filicide Podcast, raising awareness about domestic violence, the abuse cycle, and cases of child homicide across the country.

Honoring Alec and Lydia Through Advocacy Hope is now working with Arizona lawmakers to create stronger protections for children in custody cases. Her advocacy is helping bring critical attention to how family courts handle domestic violence and mental illness when making custody decisions.

Hope’s New Memoir is Available TODAY (March 9): There's Still Hope: A Journey of Adversity, Tragedy, and Unbreakable Faith

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1969338903

Arizona Legislation Honoring Alec & Lydia Arizona legislation HB2995 has already passed the Arizona House of Representatives and is now moving forward to the Arizona Senate. This bill, referred to as The Alec and Lydia Act, aims to strengthen protections for children in family court cases by ensuring judges receive training in domestic violence, coercive control, trauma response, and mental illness when making custody decisions.

Please join us in praying that this legislation passes the Arizona Senate, helping protect vulnerable children and families across the state.

Hope’s Podcast: Voices Against Filicide

Follow Hope on Social Media: Hope In The Pain (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube)

Hope’s Links and Advocacy Resources: https://linktr.ee/hopeinthepain?utm_source=linktree_profile_share<sid=ccf41026-a8de-4055-9869-c221b71b91bf

If today’s conversation resonated with you—if you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship is simply difficult, deeply disappointing, or actually destructive—clarity is the first step toward wisdom and safety.

Leslie has created a free resource to help you understand what you’re dealing with and what healthy next steps might look like.

Download the Relationship Quick Start Guide here: https://leslievernick.com/guide

This guide will help you discern the difference between difficult, disappointing, and destructive relationships, and begin moving forward with truth, courage, and biblical wisdom.

Hope’s story is a reminder that even when life breaks our hearts in unimaginable ways, God has not abandoned us.

Pain may be part of our story, but it is never the end of it.

If you are walking through grief, fear, or confusion today, remember this: God sees you, He is near to the brokenhearted, and with His help you can take the next step forward.

There is still hope.

Not what you do. Not the roles you play. Not what others expect of you. But who you truly are.

In this deeply honest and hope-filled conversation, I’m joined again by our team coach, Susan King, as we explore what Scripture says about your identity—not just your duties. Together, we unpack how Christian women—especially those in destructive or emotionally unhealthy marriages—lose their sense of self and how to begin reclaiming the woman God created you to be. If you’ve been pretending things are “fine” when they aren’t, this episode will gently guide you back to truth, clarity, and courage.

So many women are taught their role—wife, mom, helper—but not their identity. Yet Scripture tells us something far deeper.

You are God’s handiwork (Ephesians 2:10). You are a chosen daughter, a royal priesthood, set apart and beloved. Before you accomplish anything, before you serve anyone, your identity is secure in Christ.

When we begin reading the Bible not as a rulebook but as a mirror—asking, “What does this say about who God is and who I am?”—everything changes.

One brave listener asked, “How do I find out who I am? I feel like I’ve been pretending most of my life.”

If that’s you, start here:

• What have you been pretending to be?
• What would change if you stopped pretending?
• What virtues reflect who you truly are?

Your identity is not your temporary emotions. It’s not others’ opinions. It’s rooted in your God-given character and values.

Notice when you lose track of time because you’re fully alive. Notice what brings you joy. Notice what stirs your heart. These clues aren’t selfish—they’re sacred.

In destructive or controlling marriages, women often experience subtle erosion—constant undermining, gaslighting, or isolation. Over time, they internalize the belief that their thoughts, needs, and feelings don’t matter.

But even in “good” marriages, many women self-abandon. We’ve been taught that becoming “one” means losing ourselves. That loving means over-functioning. That serving means silencing our voice.

That is not biblical oneness. That is erasure.

Healthy oneness honors two whole people—each with a voice, a body, and a soul.

So many women struggle with shame when they begin asking, “What do I need?”

But Scripture never calls you to neglect yourself. Jesus modeled rest, solitude, nourishment, and boundaries.

Stewarding your one precious life is not self-absorption—it’s obedience. When your tank is empty, you cannot love wisely. Putting your oxygen mask on first isn’t selfish; it’s responsible.

Ask yourself:

• What brought me joy today?
• What drained me?
• What small change would help me show up as my best self?

Small awareness leads to big transformation.

One of the most painful dynamics women describe is this: “My husband acts like everything is fine. And I start doubting myself.”

Here’s the truth: Things may genuinely be fine for him.

But that doesn’t mean they’re fine for you.

You are allowed to be a separate self with separate experiences. Instead of arguing about whether things are “really fine,” try saying: “I understand that this feels okay to you. But it’s not okay for me. And that matters.”

Healthy love cares when something isn’t fine for the other person.

If you’re realizing that you’ve lost sight of who you are… If you’ve been stuck pretending… If you feel erased in your own life…

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Join Walking in CORE Strength, our transformational program designed to help you rediscover your voice, rebuild your confidence, and grow strong from the inside out—emotionally, spiritually, and relationally.

Learn more and join here: 👉 https://leslievernick.com/strong

Sweet friend, you are not just a role. You are not invisible. You are not too much—or not enough.

You are God’s beloved daughter.

Even if you’ve been pretending for years, it is not too late to come home to yourself. With God’s help and a little courage, you can grow into the strong, dignified, wise woman He created you to be.

You are not alone. And change is possible.

Until next time, take gentle care of your heart.

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Leslie Vernick sits down with media expert and speaker Beverly Hallberg to unpack her harrowing journey through a deceptive and destructive marriage. From whirlwind courtship to abuse behind closed doors, Beverly opens up about the spiritual confusion, grief, and courage it took to get free—and the God who never left her. This is an episode every woman navigating confusing relationship dynamics needs to hear.

Beverly shares how her abuser cloaked himself in faith, family values, and kindness—appearing to be the ideal match. But soon after the wedding, the mask dropped. She explains how yellow flags were hidden in grief, charm, and shared spiritual language, making discernment incredibly difficult. → You’re not foolish if you didn’t see it. These relationships are built on intentional deceit.

From subtle sabotage to explosive rage and spiritual manipulation, Beverly's marriage wasn’t just disappointing—it was destructive. She bravely recounts the patterns of control, harm, and gaslighting that unraveled her emotionally and physically. → Abuse is not just about bruises. It’s about patterns that diminish, devalue, and destroy.

Wrestling with Scripture and shame, Beverly found clarity in truth: God cares more about the people in the marriage than preserving the institution at all costs. Biblical wisdom and wise counsel helped her see that staying would harm not just her—but enable his sin. → God does not call you to stay in harm’s way to keep a vow someone else already broke.

Beverly shares her long road back to emotional and spiritual wholeness. From losing her in-laws to enduring an ectopic pregnancy alone, her healing came through community, Scripture, and reclaiming her voice. → You can heal. It takes time, safe people, and honesty—but freedom is possible.

Speaking directly to women who may not have the resources or support Beverly did, she offers wisdom on safety planning, building a support system, and why even one safe parent can make all the difference for children. → The first step is to tell someone. God will meet you as you take that step.

If Beverly’s story hit close to home, you might be wondering, How am I supposed to be OK, when he's not? That’s a critical question, and you don’t have to answer it alone. Leslie is offering a free, faith-based webinar designed to give you the clarity and confidence to take your next right step.

During this free training, we will cover:

• How to clearly define your problem, the other person’s problem (at least in your opinion), and the problem in your relationship.
• The difference between love that’s motivated by fear and love that’s motivated by freedom—and what it takes to make the switch.
• How to listen beneath the surface of nice words, flattery, and love bombing to discern what’s true so that you can make good choices going forward.
• How to build your own internal strength so that his weaknesses—or yours—don’t get the best of you.
• ...and much more.

Reserve your spot now: https://leslievernick.com/problem

Beloved, God sees. He sees your tears, your confusion, your exhaustion—and He cares. You are not alone, and you are not beyond hope. No matter how deep the pain or how tangled the web, God is a God of truth, healing, and freedom. You don’t have to figure it all out today. Just take the next brave step.

You were made for more than survival. You were made to live in peace, truth, and safety.

Watch Mike Winger’s message on abuse and divorce: View Here

Leslie welcomes back trusted friend and family law attorney Maryann Modesti, who brings over 30 years of experience and gospel-centered wisdom to this critical conversation. Whether you're feeling stuck, scared, or simply unsure of what’s next, this episode will empower you to walk in truth, courage, and godly stewardship—without shame.

Talking to a lawyer does not equal filing for divorce. It's a step toward wisdom, clarity, and stewardship. God calls us to seek truth, especially when we’re confused or afraid. Consulting a lawyer allows you to understand your rights and responsibilities and prepares you for whatever path you may need to take next.

Subtle but destructive behaviors—like isolation, financial control, hidden assets, gaslighting, or coercion—can erode your identity and safety. If you're constantly doubting yourself or feel emotionally trapped, it's time to seek clarity from a legal professional—even if you're not ready to leave.

Waiting too long can cost you financially, emotionally, and relationally—especially when children are involved. Without legal awareness, women risk losing financial control, custody advantages, and personal agency. Abuse often escalates, and silence can cause deeper damage over time.

Look for integrity, experience, and someone who truly listens and understands the nuances of covert abuse, religious manipulation, or controlling behaviors. A trustworthy attorney doesn’t just fight—she counsels, balances wisdom with practicality, and helps you discern the cost of peace over the cost of war.

God cares deeply about your safety, your sanity, and the well-being of your children. Seeking legal counsel is part of being a faithful steward of the life, resources, and role God has entrusted to you. Truth is never the enemy of faith—it is the foundation of it.

Need Help Navigating These Hard Realities? If someone else’s behaviors are affecting your peace, we invite you to our free webinar:

I'm Not Okay When You're Not Okay

You’ll learn how to set healthy emotional boundaries, recognize what's yours to carry, and protect your well-being even when others don’t change.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember this: gathering information is not rebellion—it’s wisdom. You don’t have to make big decisions today, but you do deserve to understand your options. God is with you in this process. He is for your dignity, your healing, and your future. You are not powerless—you are being equipped. And we’re walking with you.

Key Takeaways

Have you ever felt so broken by your past that the idea of “resilience” feels impossible or even offensive? You're not alone. In this honest and hope-filled conversation, Leslie sits down with licensed therapist and trauma expert Tabitha Westbrook to unpack what true resilience looks like after abuse, trauma, or coercive control. They explore how healing is not about forgetting the past or slapping on a spiritual Band-Aid, but about gently—and courageously—cleaning off your front porch, one step at a time.

If you're feeling numb, overwhelmed, or wondering why you're not "over it yet," this episode will ground you in truth, compassion, and practical steps to begin rebuilding—body, mind, and spirit.

Key Takeaways from Today’s Episode:

Resilience Isn’t Pretending It Didn’t Happen True resilience doesn’t mean denying the trauma or "getting over it." It means facing what’s been dumped on your porch—the trash, the rats, the grief—and slowly beginning to clean it up. You may not have caused the mess, but you are worthy of healing and peace.

“You’re not responsible for the trash that was thrown on your porch—but you are responsible for whether or not you leave it there.” – Tabitha Westbrook

Healing Happens One Bag at a Time You don’t have to sweep the entire porch in one day. Progress might look like removing one trash bag, asking a friend for help, or simply opening the front door. Healing is a slow, strengthening process. Each step builds capacity and courage.

“Even if all you do today is open the door and breathe, that’s progress.”

Boundaries Are Part of Resilience Setting healthy boundaries with people who have harmed you—or who continue to—is not unloving. It’s wise. And sometimes, healing means evaluating whether certain relationships need to shift or even end. But estrangement isn’t always the only option.

“Resilience includes discernment—who gets to come to the gate, who stays on the sidewalk, and who doesn’t get to be in your yard at all.”

Your Body Is Not the Enemy—It’s a Messenger Many women have been taught to ignore their feelings or bodily cues, especially in the church. But trauma is stored in the body, and your body can alert you to danger or truth—even when your mind can’t make sense of it. Learning to listen to your body is a sacred act of healing.

“Your shoulders don’t have lips—but they speak through tension, pain, and nausea. Listen to what your body is trying to tell you.”

Triggers Are Opportunities, Not Failures If you're still getting triggered, it doesn’t mean you're failing. It means your body is showing you something that still needs tending. Healing is not linear—and it never ends this side of heaven. But each trigger is an invitation to deeper understanding and growth.

“When you’re triggered, it’s not time to shame yourself. It’s time to ask: What is this showing me? Where do I still need care and kindness?”

Feeling Stuck? You're Not Alone—And You’re Not Broken.

If you’re in a season where even opening your front door feels impossible, please know this: You don't have to do it alone. Asking for help is a holy, courageous first step. Whether it's a friend, a support group, or a therapist, reaching out can be the beginning of your transformation.

Final Encouragement

Sweet friend, healing doesn’t mean you’ll never feel pain again—it means the pain won’t own you. You were made for more than just surviving. With God’s help and your brave yes, you can rebuild your life, reclaim your voice, and rediscover your worth.

You are not too far gone. You are not too broken. And you are not alone.

Learn more about Tabitha and her book: Body and Soul: Healed and Whole https://www.tabithawestbrook.com

In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with one of our incredible coaches, Susan King, to explore the shame many women feel around mental health and emotional struggles. Together, we unpack harmful spiritual myths, why healing is often a journey, and how to take faithful, empowered steps forward—even when life feels overwhelming.

Whether you’re navigating separation, burnout, or simply trying to figure out where to start, this conversation will offer you clarity, comfort, and practical wisdom for your next step. 

Too many women have been told that anxiety or depression means their faith is weak. Susan and I challenge this harmful belief, pointing to biblical figures like David, Elijah, and Paul—deeply faithful people who struggled emotionally. God meets us in our weakness, not with condemnation but with compassion.

Misinterpretations of Scripture—like reading "do not be anxious" as a command rather than comfort—can lead to unnecessary guilt. Healing is a process, and God often uses tools like counseling, medication, and support to bring restoration. You’re not a failure if you need help.

We talk about the tension between accepting your current chapter and still longing for something more. Is it wrong to want change? Absolutely not. God invites us to co-author our story with Him. Discovering your God-given desires and letting go of comparison is part of living authentically and faithfully.

When life feels overwhelming, it’s not just about a to-do list. Sometimes resistance comes from fear—of failure, disapproval, or making a mistake. We share powerful tools like brain dumping and identifying your internal vs. external work so you can get unstuck and take your next step with clarity.

Healing and change don’t require massive leaps. A 2% shift—whether that's taking a breath, letting go of perfectionism, or asking, “Who do I want to be today?”—can redirect your day and your life. Start small, stay curious, and trust that God is with you in every step.

If this conversation resonated with you, we’d love to walk with you further. Empowered to Change is our transformative coaching program designed to help women just like you break free from destructive patterns, build internal strength, and create real, lasting change—with God at the center.

👉 Join Empowered to Change today: https://leslievernick.com/growth

Sister, you are not broken beyond repair. You are not failing because you’re struggling. Healing is not a race—it’s a sacred journey. Whether you’re just beginning or you’re in the messy middle, know this: God sees you. He is with you. And step by step, with truth and grace, you can grow.

You don’t have to do this alone. Let’s keep walking in truth—together.

If you've ever felt stuck in shame, unsure if you could trust again, or wondered if real change is even possible—this episode is your answer.

Why They Finally Said Yes to Healing Each woman shares her unique tipping point—the moment when the pain of staying the same outweighed the fear of stepping into the unknown. For some, it was physical symptoms. For others, it was the ache of isolation. But for all three, it became clear: it was time to stop surviving and start healing.

The Power of Safe, Christ-Centered Community Healing happens in the light. From hesitant strangers to trusted sisters, these women describe how their Empowered to Change group became a safe haven where their stories were honored, their pain was validated, and their growth was celebrated—without judgment, shame, or superficial fixes.

Tools that Actually Change Lives From practicing hard conversations in the mirror, to disentangling emotional confusion with thought journals and boundaries, these women used practical tools that reshaped how they thought, spoke, and showed up in their relationships. This isn’t inspiration for inspiration’s sake—it’s real transformation, step-by-step.

Confidence Built on Courage, Not Perfection They didn’t wait until they felt “ready” or confident. They showed up afraid—but they showed up. And as they practiced courage in community, confidence followed. As Christine beautifully shared, “Confidence is the fruit of choosing courage—even when your voice shakes”.

Sustainable Change for the Long Haul Nearly five years after completing Empowered to Change, these women are still growing, still connected, and still walking in truth. They’ve moved from reactive living to intentional, Christ-centered wholeness—testifying that healing isn’t a one-time moment, but a lifestyle of learning, growing, and living loved.

If their stories stirred something in your heart, maybe it’s your time too. Empowered to Change is a six-month coaching journey for Christian women who are ready to stop surviving and start growing. Whether you’re in a hard marriage, dealing with past wounds, or trying to reclaim your voice—you don’t have to walk it alone.

👉 Join Empowered to Change and experience a safe, Christ-centered community where healing is possible and growth is sustainable.

Sister, healing takes courage, but you don’t have to be fearless to begin. If you’re tired of the fog, the shame, and the loneliness, let today be your turning point. You are not broken beyond repair. You are not too late. And you are never alone. Let God be the lifter of your head, and let us walk with you into a new chapter of healing and hope.

Come and see—there’s more on the other side of your fear.

Coach LeAnne Parsons sits down with these remarkable women, five years after their journey began, to reflect on where they were, how they’ve grown, and what God has done in their lives. If your heart feels heavy today, this episode will offer hope, practical insight, and a glimpse into what’s truly possible when you say “yes” to healing and to yourself.

From Lost and Ashamed to Seen and Supported Jill opens up about entering the program weighed down by shame, depression, and confusion. She believed she should have known better—but instead found a safe place where she was accepted, equipped, and no longer alone. Now, she walks in truth and dignity, not because life is perfect, but because she’s no longer powerless.

Rediscovering Identity After a Lifetime of Dependency Rhonda shares how she entered Empowered to Change with no clear identity, having lived in deep dependency her entire life. Marriage didn’t fix her wounds—it exposed them. Through the program, she learned to recognize her God-given worth, reclaim her voice, and stand firm as a grown woman walking in wholeness.

A Journey from Confusion to Clarity, Rooted in Scripture Christine recounts her fear and confusion before starting the program—feeling small, stuck, and isolated. But through scriptural truth, community support, and courageous steps, she’s now a Bible teacher and advocate, using her story to help other women find their way out of the dark.

The Power of Safe Community and Shared Growth All three women emphasized how healing was multiplied in the context of safe, God-centered community. Their friendships have lasted well beyond the program, showing that transformation isn’t just a personal journey—it thrives in connection with others who see your pain, remind you of your truth, and cheer you on.

Practical Tools that Build Emotional and Spiritual Resilience From practicing healthy detachment, to learning how to speak up with confidence, to identifying cycles of dysfunction—these women testify that real tools and real growth are available. And while the journey wasn’t easy, it was absolutely worth it.

If you resonated with Rhonda, Jill, or Christine’s stories, let this be your nudge. Empowered to Change is a six-month group coaching program for Christian women who are ready to take brave steps toward clarity, healing, and confidence. You’ll be supported every step of the way by a dedicated coach and a compassionate community.

👉 Join Empowered to Change today and discover how to rewrite your story—not as the victim, but as the hero God created you to be.

Sweet sister, you are not too far gone, too broken, or too late. God’s mercies are new every morning, and healing is not only possible—it’s promised when we walk with Him. You are not alone. Your story matters. And with clarity, courage, and Christ, you can live free, whole, and empowered.

Don’t miss Part 2 of this powerful conversation—coming next week, right here on Relationship Truth Unfiltered.

But this is not just a story of tragedy—it's a story of grace, growth, and God's unexpected redemption.

Michelle returns to share the sacred, surprising journey of rebuilding her life, falling in love again, and finding joy in a new marriage and motherhood after loss. She offers faith-filled wisdom on doing the internal work, discerning true safety, and honoring both grief and growth. If you’re wondering if God can write a new chapter in your story—this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways:

Healing Comes Before Rebuilding Michelle didn’t go searching for love—she focused on healing. Through grief, therapy, prayer, and service, she slowly began to rebuild from the inside out. She emphasizes that true readiness for a new relationship starts with doing your own work, not rushing into rescue.

“You have one Savior—and you won’t meet Him at church or a party. Don’t look for someone to rescue you when God is the One writing your rescue story.”

Emotional Safety Is Non-Negotiable After surviving emotional abuse, Michelle shares how she learned to recognize and prioritize safety over charm. In her new relationship, she tested boundaries, voiced concerns early, and paid attention to how her new partner responded to her “no.”

“I realized that God doesn't want me to be with someone I fear. Respect, kindness, and feeling cherished are non-negotiables—not luxuries.”

Guilt Isn’t a Prerequisite for Grief Michelle vulnerably shares the emotional tension of finding joy again after her daughter’s death—and how she wrestled with feeling “allowed” to experience happiness. She reminds us that grief and joy can coexist, and choosing joy honors those we've lost.

“God's purpose for me didn't end with my daughter’s death. Joy doesn’t erase grief—it expands around it.”

Redefining Strength and Speaking Up Many Christian women were never taught to know or express their needs. Michelle explains how learning to speak honestly, set boundaries, and stop minimizing her discomfort was key to breaking unhealthy patterns and cultivating real intimacy.

“We often teach others how to treat us by what we tolerate. Don’t make yourself smaller for someone else’s comfort.”

There Is Life After the Valley Today, Michelle is remarried to a man who cherishes her, and they share a son, Alexander. Her journey proves that even after devastation, God is still writing beautiful new chapters—not in spite of the pain, but through it.

“God’s mercies are new every morning. He can bring light out of your darkest place—and it doesn't mean you’re forgetting what came before.”

Personal Invitation: Ready for a Breakthrough?

If you're resonating with Michelle’s story and wondering how to begin again—or even if you can—then don’t miss Leslie’s upcoming free webinar, Change Your Story, Change Your Life: Moving from Breakdown to Breakthrough.

You’ll gain clarity, courage, and biblical tools to stop spinning in circles and start stepping into healing.

Register now at: leslievernick.com/stuck

Closing Encouragement

Friend, if you're listening today and your heart is aching, please hear this: your story is not over. What you’ve endured does not disqualify you from love, joy, or a meaningful life. Whether your grief is public or private, whether your pain feels “big enough” or not—God sees you. And He is not done.

You may not have chosen the pain in your past—but you can choose your next step. As Michelle says, “There is always a yet.” And God is in the business of turning that “yet” into your next.

Hold on. Healing is possible. With God’s help, you can learn to live, hope, and love again.

Listen to the full first episode with Michelle here: https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-f52fe-16f28e1

Learn more about Gabrielle’s Wings or support Michelle’s nonprofit: gabrielleswings.com

You’re not alone.

This week, Leslie Vernick and Coach Diana unpack what it looks like to stop over-functioning during the holidays by learning how to set boundaries—clearly, kindly, and biblically. From role-playing difficult conversations to exploring the internal guilt and fear many women wrestle with, this episode is packed with faith-filled insight and practical tools to help you protect your peace and prioritize what matters most.

If you’ve ever felt selfish for saying “no” or guilty for disappointing others, this conversation will give you the clarity and courage you need to love well—without losing yourself.

Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re sacred. God set boundaries in creation, and He calls us to do the same. Boundaries reflect His nature of order, peace, and love. When we set boundaries, we’re not being harsh—we’re honoring God’s call to steward our time, energy, and hearts.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." – Proverbs 4:23

When we can’t say no, our yes becomes meaningless. Love that’s forced or rooted in fear isn’t love at all—it’s obligation. God never forces us into relationship with Him. He invites, never invades. In the same way, healthy love must include freedom and choice.

Leslie and Diana walk through real examples—like refusing to host Christmas, saying no to dog-sitting, or sticking to a spending limit. Each scenario highlights how to express a firm and loving no without over-explaining, defending, or absorbing guilt. These scripts show how clarity and compassion can coexist.

Someone else’s sadness, frustration, or manipulation does not mean you’ve done something wrong. Healthy boundaries often expose unhealthy dynamics. When others push back, it reveals their reliance on your compliance—not your care.

"Let them have their feelings. It’s not your job to manage their emotions—it’s your job to steward your obedience to God."

You’ll learn how to:

• Prepare for pushback by getting clear with God ahead of time
• Use breathwork and body-awareness to stay calm under pressure
• Let silence do the heavy lifting after you’ve stated your boundary
• Anchor your identity in Christ, not someone else’s approval
• Use simple scripts to hold a boundary without getting defensive

Are the holidays bringing up anxiety instead of joy? If you’re tired of the pressure to perform, please others, or over-function to keep the peace, Leslie’s resources can help you create emotional and spiritual breathing room.

Register now for Leslie’s free workshop: Change Your Story, Change Your Life: Moving from Breakdown to Breakthrough Thursday, December 4th at 12pm or 7:30pm ET leslievernick.com/stuck

Friend, you don’t have to be everything to everyone this holiday season. You don’t need to hustle for love or sacrifice your sanity to make others happy. Boundaries aren’t walls to shut people out—they’re gates that let love in.

You are allowed to protect your peace. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to say no—with kindness, clarity, and courage.

And when you do? You’ll be saying a much bigger yes to God, to emotional wholeness, and to the kind of love that sets both you and others free.

You’ve got this—with God’s help.

What does a safe and godly man truly look like? And how can you tell the difference between surface-level change and deep, lasting heart transformation?

In this powerful episode, Leslie sits down with Michael and Kristen Cary, founders of Living Truth and creators of Men in the Battle and Women in the Battle. Together, they unpack the hard but healing truth about what real repentance looks like in a man, how to spot red flags—even when he seems "nice"—and why women need to do their own healing work, whether or not their partner is changing.

With raw honesty and biblical wisdom, this conversation offers practical tools to help women discern character, build clarity, and courageously walk toward truth and safety.

Key Takeaways

True Repentance Goes Beyond Behavior Management Real heart change isn’t just about stopping bad behavior—it’s about digging deep to understand the “why” beneath it. Men who are truly repentant aren’t just trying to avoid consequences; they’re broken over the pain they’ve caused, open to feedback, and willing to do the long, hard work of healing.

Women Must Heal, Too Betrayal trauma doesn’t just disappear with his sobriety. Even if the sexual sin wasn’t yours, the pain and damage are real. Healing requires tending to your own wounds, setting boundaries, and stepping into the work of becoming whole again—regardless of what he chooses to do.

Believe the Behavior, Not the Words Change is seen in fruit, not phrases. Many men can talk the talk—especially in Christian circles—but safety is shown through consistent actions: humility, accountability, respect for boundaries, and emotional maturity. If he gets defensive, blames, or minimizes your pain, those are red flags—not repentance.

When “Nice” Isn’t Safe Just because he’s nice doesn’t mean he’s safe. Safety means he can hear your truth without punishing you. He respects your "no," honors your boundaries, and doesn’t manipulate with guilt, fear, or Scripture. A man who is truly safe will prioritize your emotional and spiritual well-being—not just try to keep the peace.

The Pain Must Be His Teacher—Not Yours Sometimes the only thing that wakes someone up is the pain of consequences. Staying “nice” to avoid upsetting him often prevents the very growth that’s needed. Love does not mean enabling sin. Godly sorrow leads to repentance—not just sorrow over being caught.

If You're Struggling to Discern the Truth…

If you’re unsure whether your marriage is just difficult, chronically disappointing, or truly destructive, don’t stay stuck in confusion. Leslie has created a free Quick Start Guide to help you gain clarity, take your next right step, and begin walking in truth.

Download your guide here: www.leslievernick.com/guide

To connect with Michael and Kristen Cary and explore their healing programs for men and women: Visit: www.living-truth.org

Dear Friend, God is not asking you to sacrifice your safety, sanity, or soul to save a marriage that is wounding you. He calls us to walk in truth, not denial—to speak up, not shrink back.

Even if he never changes, you can. You are not alone, and you are not powerless. With God’s help, you can move forward in wisdom, clarity, and courage—one brave step at a time.

With over 45 years of counseling experience, Leslie shares how abuse shows up in both obvious and subtle ways and offers practical, faith-based guidance for identifying abuse, responding wisely, and reclaiming your safety, dignity, and voice.

Domestic Abuse is Always Sin Domestic violence isn’t just about physical harm—it's any pattern of dishonoring behavior, including emotional, verbal, spiritual, financial, and sexual abuse. Abuse is never justified, never excusable, and always sinful. God’s Word calls us to honor one another as His image-bearers, and repeated harm without repentance is not just sinful—it's destructive.

You Are Not to Blame Abuse is not a response to being provoked. Everyone gets frustrated, but each of us is responsible for our own actions and words. Ephesians reminds us: “In your anger, do not sin.” An abuser’s choice to harm is not your fault. You are not to carry the blame for someone else’s sin.

Biblical Headship is Not About Control True biblical headship is never about domination or coercion. Biblical submission must be freely chosen—not forced. When power is used to silence, manipulate, or intimidate, it is no longer leadership; it is oppression. God’s heart is always for the oppressed, not the oppressor.

God Cares About Your Safety The Bible does not ask you to stay in harm’s way. Proverbs 27:12 says, “The prudent see danger and take refuge.” God values your safety and sanity more than keeping up appearances. From Rahab to baby Jesus fleeing Herod, Scripture supports wise action to protect life and wellbeing.

Speak the Truth and Allow Consequences Ephesians 5:11 tells us to expose the unfruitful deeds of darkness. Enabling sin through silence is not biblical. Loving your enemy doesn't mean tolerating abuse or reconciling without repentance. True change involves confession, visible repentance, and bearing the weight of consequences. Even David, though forgiven, faced the loss of his child as a result of sin.

Healing Starts With Truth and Safety Are you feeling overwhelmed or unsure about what to do next? Start by taking one brave step toward truth and safety. Begin building a safety plan, speak up to someone you trust, and don’t be afraid to set boundaries. Romans 12:21 reminds us, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” You are not powerless. Choosing what is good might mean leaving, telling the truth, or finally saying "no more."

If this episode spoke to your heart, and you realize you need help navigating a destructive marriage, please know you're not alone. We offer faith-based support and resources to help you move forward with courage and clarity. Visit https://leslievernick.com/guide to get your Quick Start Guide now.

Dear friend, God does not call you to suffer in silence. You are His beloved daughter, worthy of safety, love, and respect. Abuse breaks the covenant—not you seeking safety. Take heart. You are not alone, and with God's help, healing and freedom are possible. May you find the strength to speak truth, seek safety, and walk forward in faith, one brave step at a time.

For Biblical references, CLICK HERE

Through years of overfunctioning, pretending, and holding on to a crumbling marriage, Jeannie learned the life-changing difference between suffering silently and living in truth. Her story is raw, redemptive, and full of hope for anyone wondering if they’ll ever feel peace again.

Key Takeaways

Overfunctioning Isn’t Strength—Truth Is For years, Jeannie believed that being a good wife meant suffering silently, forgiving endlessly, and making everything look okay on the outside. But through Leslie Vernick’s CONQUER and Walking in Core Strength programs, she discovered that true strength is not about carrying someone else’s sin—it’s about stepping into reality and living aligned with God’s truth.

Survival Mode Isn’t Sustainable Jeannie’s life was marked by constant moves, ministry demands, and emotional neglect. She did what many women do—minimize, suppress, endure. But eventually, even her strong spirit broke. The turning point came not from hardship itself, but from being unseen, unheard, and spiritually isolated. That’s when she realized: living in non-reality wasn’t faith—it was fear.

God's Peace Follows Obedience to Truth Learning the difference between forgiving and trusting, honoring God over pleasing people, and choosing obedience over image changed everything for Jeannie. Isaiah 54 became her anchor—God as her Redeemer and Husband. As she let go of false beliefs and idols like marriage and image, peace finally moved into her home and heart.

Purpose Can Be Reborn in the Ashes After her husband left, God breathed life into Jeannie’s long-dormant writing dreams. Within hours, a publisher emailed to accept her article. Soon after, her children’s book was published. Her obedience opened the door for God to redeem her pain and restore her voice—not just for her healing, but for others.

You Don’t Need to Know the Whole Path—Just Do Today If you’re stuck, afraid, or overwhelmed, Jeannie offers this grace-filled reminder: You don’t need to figure out the next ten steps. Just do today. One faithful, truthful step at a time. With God’s help and the support of wise others, you can do hard things—and you don’t have to do them alone.

Jeannie’s journey shows how easy it is to get lost in confusion, questioning your own reality and wondering if things will ever change. She learned that facing the truth, even when painful, was the very doorway to peace and freedom. And if you find yourself wondering whether the man in your life is truly changing or just putting on another mask, there is a safe place to explore that question.

👉 Register for the free Conquer Workshop: Is He Changing, or Just Pretending? Click here to save your spot.

Friend, if you feel lost, confused, or weary from carrying the weight of a destructive relationship, take heart. You are not weak—your perseverance proves your strength. But you don’t have to live in survival mode any longer. God sees you. He values your voice. And He is writing a new chapter in your story—one filled with peace, purpose, and unshakable hope. You are never alone when you walk with Him.

In today’s special Coaches Takeover episode, Leslie Vernick team coaches Diana Bala and Susan King dive into people-pleasing, insecurity, and the transformative path toward freedom in Christ.

We’re fresh off our 5-Day Insecurity Coaching Challenge—and in this conversation, we’re going even deeper.

In This Episode:

A recap of the 5-Day Insecurity Challenge:

Self-doubt Shame and guilt Perfectionism The inner critic People-pleasing

1. Highlights from the week:
   1. Women developing hope beyond shame and guilt
   2. Experiencing Scripture in new, life-giving ways
   3. Recognizing the hidden faces of insecurity

Key Insight: The Many Masquerades of Insecurity

Diana and Susan unpack the ways insecurity often masquerades as something good—but at a cost:

✅ Kindness

• Saying yes to everything, avoiding conflict
• Underneath: fear of rejection, desire to be liked
• Truth: Kindness includes boundaries

✅ Humility

• Downplaying strengths, deflecting compliments
• Underneath: fear of being judged, imposter syndrome
• Truth: Humility is not shrinking

✅ Responsibility

• Overfunctioning, taking on others’ problems
• Underneath: need to feel needed
• Truth: Healthy responsibility knows what is yours and what is not

✅ Peacemaking

• Avoiding hard conversations, keeping silent
• Underneath: fear of conflict
• Truth: Real peacemaking requires courage and truth

✅ Flexibility

• Always going along, hiding preferences
• Underneath: belief your needs don’t matter
• Truth: Flexibility shouldn’t erase you

Why Do We People-Please?

• To avoid conflict, rejection, or feeling like a burden
• It often begins in childhood:
  • Conditional love or safety
  • Messages like “Be a good girl,” “Don’t upset your father”
  • Approval as currency for worth

How Do We Transform?

Change your inner narrative:

“I must earn love” ➜ “I am already worthy.”

Embrace agency, reclaim your God-given identity, and practice compassion for the part of you that learned to survive by pleasing.

A simple, powerful way to interrupt people-pleasing patterns:

1️⃣ Pause & Name the Pattern

• Notice when you’re saying “yes” when you mean “no”
• Ask: What am I afraid will happen if I don’t please?

2️⃣ Identify the Hidden Belief

• E.g. “If I disappoint them, they won’t love me.”
• “Saying no makes me selfish.”

3️⃣ Speak the Truth

• “My worth is not dependent on someone else’s opinion.”
• “Boundaries create healthier relationships.”
• Biblical grounding:
  • “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?” — Galatians 1:10
  • “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” — Matthew 5:37

4️⃣ Make the Trade

• “I trade my fear of disappointing others for honoring my limits and values.”
• Then take the aligned action.

Next Steps

If you joined our challenge this week—you didn’t just learn about insecurity. You moved through it. But this is just the beginning.

If you’re ready to live out what you’re learning, join us in our Moving Beyond People-Pleasing Flexible Coaching Experience.

It’s time to move from:

• Performing ➜ Presence
• Guilt ➜ Groundedness
• Pleasing everyone ➜ Becoming your God-given self

👉 www.leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse Groups start this week—plenty of times to join!

Final Words

“Thank you for letting us be a voice in your ear and a companion in your heart. You are not alone. You don’t have to keep performing for love that’s already yours.”

We’re closing out our Coaches Takeover for the summer but will return in the fall!

Until next time—be kind to yourself, stay curious, and keep moving forward.

Learn More & Join Coaching: www.leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse Subscribe for Updates: www.leslievernick.com

From taking on adult responsibilities at age six to becoming everyone’s helper as a wife, mom, and ministry leader, our guest was admired for her generosity and "niceness"—but underneath was exhaustion, resentment, and a quiet spiritual disconnect.

Through the Moving Beyond People Pleasing program, she discovered the profound difference between being nice and being kind, between serving others and submitting to God's voice.

She shares how learning to pause, ask God first, and honor the boundaries He helped her set brought incredible freedom—and how the courage to speak up, receive coaching, and be honest with herself changed everything.

This conversation will inspire any woman who has ever felt burned out, invisible, or afraid to say no.

• How people pleasing became part of her identity from childhood
• The moment she realized “niceness” was costing her more than she knew
• Why being honest with God and herself was the most loving thing she could do
• What it’s like to speak up for the first time in a safe coaching environment
• How biblical boundaries led to peace, clarity, and confidence in daily life
• Why “If it’s not a firm yes, it’s a hard no” became a spiritual anchor
• The beauty of flexible coaching and sacred sisterhood in a Christ-centered program

“I thought I was honest. But I was saying yes when my heart was screaming no.”

“I assumed I was serving… so how could God not be in it?”

“If I didn’t have a firm yes, the answer was a hard no.”

“God didn’t ask me to be nice—He asked me to be faithful.”

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” — Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

If this story hit home for you, we invite you to join our Moving Beyond People Pleasing summer coaching experience. It’s flexible. Faith-centered. And filled with powerful tools, real-time support, and a community of courageous women walking toward truth, wholeness, and peace.

👉 [Link to Learn More + Sign Up]

In this powerful Coaches Takeover episode, Coach Diana Balla and Coach Susan King are joined by Mara, a courageous woman who vulnerably shares her journey through profound betrayal, emotional trauma, and ultimately, healing and transformation. Mara opens up about how Leslie Vernick & Co.’s “Moving Beyond People Pleasing” flexible group coaching experience helped her reclaim her voice, clarify her identity, and set boundaries that honor her God-given worth. Get ready to be deeply encouraged and inspired.

Key Takeaways:

🔹 Trauma Opens the Door to Transformation When Mara discovered her husband's decades-long betrayal, including hidden addiction and abuse, it shattered her world. But in the rubble, God met her. Her raw honesty about her trauma response—and how deeply betrayal by a spouse can impact the body and soul—will resonate with anyone who has felt broken by someone they trusted.

🔹 “I Didn’t Know It Was Abuse” Before the discovery, Mara believed she was simply in a dysfunctional marriage. Through Leslie’s book “How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong” and the Conquer program, she began to see the patterns of manipulation, control, and gaslighting that had long been present. Her story illustrates how education and support can awaken truth and offer a path to freedom.

🔹 A Safe, Flexible, and Powerful Coaching Experience The Moving Beyond People Pleasing group gave Mara the structure, support, and accountability she needed to begin showing up for herself. With multiple weekly call options, compassionate coaches, meaningful breakout groups, and a loving community, Mara found a space where she could be seen, heard, and healed—even when she had no words to pray.

🔹 From Silence to Strength: Naming Her Needs and Setting Boundaries From rejecting fake flowers she hated to creating three pages of firm, self-honoring boundaries, Mara learned how to stop abandoning herself and start living out her values. One breakthrough moment? Identifying her core fear—being alone—and learning not to let it dictate her choices.

🔹 Healing is Possible, and You Are Worth It With raw honesty, Mara shares how she moved from suicidal despair to spiritual connection, and how God faithfully met her—even in the silence. Her journey is a powerful reminder that healing doesn’t come from trying harder, but from training—and that transformation is possible when you stop people pleasing and start living from your God-given identity.

✨ Call to Action: Ready to Break Free from People Pleasing? If you’ve been touched by Mara’s story and are ready to start your own healing journey, we invite you to join us for our 6-week flexible group coaching experience, Moving Beyond People Pleasing. Starting July 14th, this empowering program offers live coaching, a supportive sisterhood, and the tools you need to reclaim your voice and your life.

👉 Learn more and register today at: www.leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse

💛 Closing Encouragement: Dear one, you don’t have to keep living in fear, confusion, or exhaustion. You are not alone—and you are not powerless. God sees your pain and wants to meet you there. Healing is hard, but it’s holy work. You are worth the effort. Your story matters. And your life can be rebuilt—beautifully, boldly, and with Christ at the center.

We’re here with you every step of the way. Keep showing up. Keep training. And always remember: you are precious, you are loved, and you can be well.

🎧 Listen now and share this episode with someone who needs encouragement today.

If you’ve ever felt like your worth hinges on making everyone around you happy, this episode will speak directly to your heart. Coaches Susan and Diana pull back the curtain on one of the most sneaky and exhausting insecurities many of us carry—people pleasing. It might look like kindness on the outside, but underneath it’s often driven by fear, insecurity, and a longing to feel safe and loved.

In this honest, grace-filled conversation, they explore why people pleasing starts, how it hides in our habits, and what it takes to break free. You’ll walk away with powerful mindset shifts, biblical wisdom, and a simple but life-changing tool to begin honoring your voice without guilt.

🎭 People Pleasing Is About Survival, Not Kindness Many of us learned early on that approval equals safety. Saying yes, keeping the peace, and over-functioning became our armor. But as adults, that armor becomes a prison. True kindness includes honesty, boundaries, and self-respect.

💔 The Cost of People Pleasing Is Your Voice When you constantly put others first to avoid rejection, you risk losing yourself. The result? Exhaustion, resentment, and invisibility. Susan and Diana break down the emotional toll of people pleasing and why it’s not selfish to want rest, space, or to simply say “no.”

🛑 A Pause Is a Powerful First Step One practical tip? Pause before you say yes. Give yourself permission to check in—am I agreeing from love or fear? That moment of reflection invites the Holy Spirit to guide your response rather than your insecurity.

📖 Boundaries Are Biblical, Not Selfish Even Jesus said no. He walked away from demands, rested, and stayed rooted in the Father’s will—not public opinion. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re unloving. It means you’re growing into the person God designed you to be—whole, grounded, and free.

💡 You Don’t Have to Earn Love—You Already Have It At the core of people pleasing is the lie: I have to earn my worth. But Romans 5:8 tells us that Christ loved us at our worst. You don’t have to perform, prove, or please to be worthy. You already are.

Join our Insecurity Coaching Challenge, starting June 23rd. In just one week, you’ll uncover the roots of insecurity and gain the tools to reclaim your voice, set godly boundaries, and walk in confidence. 👉 Sign up for only $17: www.leslievernick.com/challenge

You are not mean for saying no. You’re not broken for needing rest. And you’re not selfish for wanting to live honestly. The journey out of people pleasing isn’t about becoming hardened—it’s about becoming whole. You are already loved, already worthy, and already enough. Let today be your first step toward freedom.

💬 Share this episode with a fellow recovering people pleaser—you’re not alone.

This episode isn’t polished or perfect. It’s powerful, raw, and real.

Through this deeply personal and hope-filled conversation, you’ll hear:

• What life looked like before the Moving Beyond Insecurity Challenge
• The surprising realization that even “strong” women can fall into people pleasing
• The “aha” moment when boundaries and God’s truth collided in the best way
• How Scripture became an anchor, especially Galatians 1:10 (NLT)
• What has changed since the challenge—and what’s still being practiced with grace

You’ll walk away feeling encouraged, grounded, and ready to take your next step toward freedom.

“Saying yes to others meant I was constantly saying no to myself.” TC

“God has a plan and purpose for my life—and I can’t fulfill it if I’m giving the best of me to everyone else.” TC

“Healing is not only available—it’s already begun.” LeAnne Parsons

• Insecurity and people pleasing can be subtle—and powerful. But they don't have to define you.
• Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re sacred. Especially when anchored in truth.
• Your story can shift. And God will meet you in the middle of the mess.

Galatians 1:10 (NLT) “Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.”

Illuminating. Empowering. Liberating.

• The Moving Beyond Insecurity Challenge – https://leslievernick.com/challenge

If this conversation spoke to your heart, we’d love for you to share it with a friend or leave a review. It helps more women find their way to truth, wholeness, and healing.

🧡 You’re not too much. You’re not too late. And you’re never walking alone

This episode is a powerful primer for LV and Cos Moving Beyond Insecurity Challenge Week, and it offers a blend of practical insight, Scripture-rich truth, and spiritual invitation to trade fear for freedom — starting now.

Whether you're confident in your calling or still wrestling with worthiness, this episode will remind you: You are already His. And that changes everything.

• How insecurity quietly rewrites your story without you realizing it
• The difference between true humility and spiritualized fear
• What Scripture says about your unshakable identity in Christ
• Common lies Christian women believe — and the truth that breaks them
• Why "heartwork" is the missing piece in your healing journey
• A behind-the-scenes look at the Moving Beyond Insecurity Challenge Week — and how to join

• Genesis 3 – The first appearance of shame
• Isaiah 43:1 – “I have called you by name; you are mine.”
• Romans 8 – Our adoption and inheritance in Christ
• 2 Corinthians 12:9 – God’s power in our weakness
• Ephesians 2:6 – Seated with Christ in heavenly places

“You cannot live out your calling while constantly questioning your worth.” – LeAnne Parsons

“Heartwork is the intentional process of inviting God to transform what’s going on beneath the surface — your beliefs, your wounds, your identity, your patterns.”  –LeAnne Parsons

“We cannot walk in victory and believe we are failures.” – Beth Moore

• 💻 Register for the FREE Moving Beyond Insecurity Challenge Week: 👉 leslievernick.com/challenge
• ✍️ Want a journaling prompt or two from today’s episode? Join our email list for bonus content.
• 📚 Check out Leslie’s books, coaching info, and Bible-based resources: 👉 leslievernick.com

If this episode spoke to you, would you take a moment to leave a review? It helps more women find encouragement and truth in the middle of their own insecurity battles.

Don’t miss next week’s Challenge Kickoff episode! Subscribe wherever you listen, and share this episode with a friend who needs a reminder that she’s already enough in Christ.

Have you ever gone along to get along? Said yes when you really wanted to say no? Diminished your desires, your boundaries, or even your calling—just to avoid conflict or gain approval? If so, you're not alone.

In this heartfelt and eye-opening Coaches Takeover episode, Coaches Diana and Susan unpack one of the most common struggles among women: people pleasing. With honesty, biblical insight, and hard-earned wisdom, they dive into the roots of this behavior, share real stories of personal growth, and offer gentle but practical steps to help you stop abandoning yourself—and start showing up with truth, courage, and strength.

Whether you've been stuck in patterns of self-sacrifice, afraid to speak up, or just feeling exhausted from trying to keep everyone happy, this conversation will meet you with grace and give you tools to walk in freedom.

At its core, people pleasing happens when we silence our own needs, wants, or convictions in favor of someone else’s. Whether out of fear of rejection, a desire to keep the peace, or a longing for approval, this behavior often stems from insecurity and a loss of self. Susan shares how people pleasing is about needing something from others (like validation or acceptance) and sacrificing yourself to get it—often without even realizing it.

One of the most powerful things you can do is pause and pay attention. Diana and Susan remind us that many women have been conditioned (in families, churches, or culture) to believe that “being nice” means suppressing their true selves. But without self-awareness, people pleasing becomes an automatic pattern that robs us of authenticity and connection. Naming it is the first step to breaking free.

Diana vulnerably shares moments in her life where fear of disappointing others led to missed opportunities—including a professional invitation she turned down simply because she didn’t ask for what she needed. Susan reflects on how being trained as a therapist to be a “blank slate” magnified her already strong pattern of disappearing for others. Their stories highlight how people pleasing may seem noble—but often leads to regret and invisibility.

Breaking free from people pleasing means learning to notice your own preferences, to ask for what you need, and to tolerate the discomfort of not pleasing everyone. This isn’t selfish—it’s sacred. As Susan and Diana point out, many women have never developed a strong sense of self, or it’s been erased by years of criticism or control. Rebuilding it is part of healing, and it takes time, support, and practice.

People pleasing often leads to lost opportunities, diminished confidence, and emotional exhaustion. But God created you with purpose and worth—and you don’t have to keep hiding or hustling to prove yourself. With the right tools and support, you can step into truth, draw healthy boundaries, and become the strong, faithful woman God called you to be.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough? Like you didn’t belong or couldn't trust your own decisions? Maybe you’ve wrestled with anxiety before speaking up, or feared being rejected in relationships. If so, you’re not alone. In this special “Coaches Takeover” episode, Coaches Susan and Diana get real about a struggle that touches every woman at some point: insecurity.

They peel back the layers to explore what insecurity really is, how it forms, how it shows up in everyday life—from career and finances to relationships and social settings—and how to move forward with confidence, clarity, and faith. With biblical insight, relatable stories, and practical tools, this episode will help you identify hidden roots of insecurity and take the first step toward freedom.

Insecurity isn’t just a feeling—it’s often a long-standing belief shaped by past wounds, trauma, criticism, or comparison. Susan and Diana explain how insecurity is usually built on perception rather than truth, and how that perception becomes a lens that affects everything from your self-worth to your ability to make decisions.

From public speaking to parenting, marriage to money, insecurity shows up in many forms: personal, relational, social, professional, and financial. The coaches share vulnerable stories from their own lives (yes, even beach towel choices and Ph.D. paths!) to illustrate how insecurity can limit growth and paralyze action.

Insecurity doesn’t just stay in your head. It shows up in your body—through anxiety, overthinking, or even chronic stress. You’ll learn how physical dysregulation can keep you stuck and how being curious (not critical) about your reactions can be a powerful path to healing.

When insecurity drives perfectionism, it keeps you focused on your flaws instead of your impact. The coaches offer a mindset shift: let go of the need to be perfect and embrace being human. Showing up, even imperfectly, is powerful—especially when you focus on helping others rather than proving yourself.

Going all the way back to Genesis, we see insecurity take root when we begin to question who we are and who God is. Susan and Diana remind us of the enemy’s tactics and encourage us to put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10–12), standing firm in truth and identity as beloved daughters of the King.

Friend, insecurity may whisper that you’re not enough—but the truth is, you are deeply loved, uniquely created, and equipped by God for purpose. You don’t need to stay stuck in fear. With His help, you can show up strong, stand in your worth, and walk in freedom.

We’re so glad you’re here.

If this episode encouraged you, would you share it with a friend or leave a review? You never know who might need the hope and healing God has for them through your simple act of sharing.

Until next time, keep leaning into courage, wisdom, and the One who loves you most.

You’ll learn:

• Why trauma often shows up in parenting
• How to pause before reacting
• What it means to name your triggers
• How to repair ruptures and reset relationships
• Where God’s grace meets us in our weakness

Featured Scripture:

• 2 Timothy 1:7
• Psalm 4:4
• Psalm 139:23–24
• Hebrews 12:1
• 2 Corinthians 12:9

Resources Mentioned: Read the full blog post: When Trauma Shows Up in Parenting → https://leslievernick.com/blog/understanding-and-breaking-the-cycle-of-trauma-responses-in-parenting/

Learn more about Trust-Based Relational Intervention® (TBRI): - https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/trust-based-relational-intervention-tbri-works-leanne/

Want to coach with LeAnne or the team? Learn more about our community. Visit: https://leslievernick.com/coaching/

Subscribe to Relationship Truth Unfiltered so you never miss an episode!

With warmth, honesty, and Christ-centered wisdom, LeAnne and Diana share how their journeys of healing led them to coaching—and why they are passionate about walking alongside women in emotionally destructive relationships today.

This episode will help you feel seen, known, and invited into your own transformation. You’ll discover that you don’t have to disappear to keep the peace, and you don’t have to perform to be loved.

If you’ve ever thought, “Maybe it’s me,” or “Is it selfish to say no?”—this episode is for you.

• Personal stories of people-pleasing and the protective roles it plays
• Moments of transformation that shifted everything
• Why coaching is a sacred and powerful tool in healing journeys
• How Scripture anchors the work of both coaches
• Real, practical first steps to move beyond fear-based approval-seeking
• Encouragement that you are not too messy for God’s love—or His purpose

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” — Galatians 1:10 (NLT)

“You don’t have to disappear to keep the peace.” – LeAnne “People-pleasing wasn’t my personality—it was my protection.” – LeAnne “It’s maturity, not selfishness, to know who God made you to be.” – Diana “Your ‘no’ can be holy when it honors your God-given priorities.” – Diana

Learn more about coaching with our team: www.leslievernick.com/coaching

Subscribe to Relationship Truth: Unfiltered so you don’t miss what’s next! Share this episode with a friend who needs encouragement and truth today. Leave a review—it helps others find the same support and strength.

“You’re not alone. You’re not crazy. And with God’s help, you can live in truth, walk in CORE strength, and reclaim your voice.” – LeAnne

Stay tuned for upcoming episodes featuring powerful client stories of transformation and live Q&A sessions with your coaches. Real questions, real answers, rooted in real hope.

You’ll hear encouragement, real transformation stories, and coaching insights that align perfectly with the biblical foundation and trauma-informed care this podcast is known for.

Expect practical tools, Christ-centered truth, and deep reminders that your healing matters and your voice is not too much.

Highlights:

• Why Leslie invited her coaching team to take the mic
• What’s ahead in the new Coaches Takeover Series
• Why this message of healing, boundaries, and truth matters more than ever
• A personal encouragement from LeAnne

Galatians 1:10 (NLT) Learn more: www.leslievernick.com/coaching Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review!

Michelle shares her personal journey of trauma, toxic theology, and eventually rediscovering her worth and agency through therapy, self-awareness, boundaries, and faith. You’ll learn how to stop playing small, listen to your intuition, and begin transforming not only your relationships—but your life.

👉 Learn more about Michelle and her work at www.michellemoffitt.com

Key Takeaways:

💔 The Cost of Losing Yourself for the Sake of “We” Michelle opens up about how early trauma and religious pressure led her to sacrifice her identity in order to find belonging. Many women will relate to that pull to be the perfect wife or partner—only to realize they’ve abandoned themselves in the process. Leslie and Michelle expose the lies women are told in church and culture, and the real cost of losing your authentic self.

🧠 Rebuilding Trust in Your Intuition and Judgment One of the deepest wounds in destructive relationships is losing the ability to trust your own gut. Michelle introduces the SPACE tool (Stop, Present, Ask, Change, Express) to help you slow down and become more conscious of the beliefs that are driving your decisions. You'll learn how to retrain your brain to hear God’s voice and your own again.

🛑 Boundaries Aren’t Mean—They’re Holy If you’ve been over-functioning or enabling dysfunction for years, stepping into new boundaries can feel “mean.” Michelle shares practical examples and scripts that helped her draw lines without shame or cruelty—and how those boundaries started to shift the entire relationship dynamic, even when it wasn’t received well.

🧩 The Power of the Enneagram in Healing Understanding your Enneagram type can be a powerful tool for healing and growth—especially if you’ve been stuck in people-pleasing patterns or don’t even know what you like anymore. Michelle explains how the Enneagram goes deeper than personality tests to reveal hidden motives, helping you understand not only yourself, but others, with compassion and clarity.

🗣️ Reclaiming Your Voice—and Why It Changes Everything Using your voice isn’t just about confrontation; it’s about becoming who God made you to be. Michelle and Leslie talk about the discomfort of change, the fear of being alone, and the beauty of showing up in the world as your full self. If you've ever asked, “What’s wrong with me?”—this episode will help you ask instead, “What’s right with me that I’ve buried for too long?”

🌱 Ready to Begin Your Own Healing Journey? If you’re feeling stuck, silenced, or unsure of your next step, you don’t have to walk alone. Leslie’s Conquer program is designed to help Christian women break free from destructive relationships and find clarity, confidence, and courage—grounded in truth and God’s love. 👉 Learn more at www.leslievernick.com/conquer

💛 Closing Encouragement: Sister, you are not selfish for wanting to be whole. God didn’t create you to be a shadow of someone else—He created you to reflect His image. As you reclaim your voice, your boundaries, and your purpose, remember: You are not alone. You are not crazy. And with God's guidance, you can do this. Step by step. One brave decision at a time.

Together, Leslie and Nick dismantle toxic messaging that pressures wives to “just forgive” or “have more sex,” and instead offer a biblical and brain-based path toward real recovery—one that honors both the betrayed and the struggler.

If you or someone you love is silently suffering in a marriage affected by pornography, this episode will remind you: You’re not alone, and your healing matters.

Nick shares eye-opening statistics from Pure Desire’s recent Barna study, showing that over half of practicing Christians admit to viewing pornography, including 40% of Christian women. This isn’t about pointing fingers—it’s about lifting the shame and creating real solutions.

“Porn is not a minor issue. It’s undermining the heartbeat of our marriages and families.”

For 10 years, Nick’s wife forgave his repeated confessions. But healing didn’t begin until Nick recognized the impact of his actions on her heart. It wasn’t enough to try harder—he had to go deeper.

“Her pain wasn’t the problem. My choices were. When I stopped minimizing her hurt and started listening, everything changed.”

Nick offers practical examples of what rebuilding trust looked like in his marriage: weekly check-ins, recovery groups, full honesty, and showing—not just saying—change. He emphasizes that wives need to see patterns of safety, not just hear promises.

“Trust is rebuilt when words and actions align over time—not when you demand forgiveness before you’ve earned it.”

Leslie and Nick both challenge churches that urge women to reconcile prematurely, while ignoring their trauma. Healing isn’t about keeping the marriage together at any cost—it’s about helping both people get healthy, whether or not the marriage survives.

“The greatest hope for a reconciled marriage is two healing people—not one healing while the other continues to harm.”

Nick explains how Pure Desire’s gender-specific recovery groups changed everything for both him and his wife. In community, they found tools, support, and the courage to stop hiding.

“You cannot heal in isolation. We were never meant to carry this alone.”

If you're feeling exhausted, stuck, or unsure if your marriage can survive the devastation of pornography, there is a path forward. Whether you're the one who struggles—or the one who’s been wounded—your healing matters.

👉 Learn more about Pure Desire Ministries and find recovery resources here: puredesire.org 👉 Looking for support for destructive or emotionally abusive relationships? Explore Leslie’s programs here: leslievernick.com

Friend, if you're hanging on by a thread, hear this: God sees your pain. He hears your cries. And He cares deeply about your healing. You don’t have to keep doing the same destructive dance. Whether your spouse is ready or not, you can start getting healthy today. There is hope. There is help. And there is freedom—one courageous step at a time.

In today’s raw and courageous episode, Leslie sits down with Naghmeh Panahi, a woman many first heard about when she passionately advocated for the release of her husband, Pastor Saeed Abedini, imprisoned in Iran for his Christian faith. But behind the public story of courage and faith, Naghmeh was quietly suffering in a destructive and abusive marriage.

Naghmeh shares for the first time some of the hidden truths behind her story—how culture, Christian teaching, trauma bonding, and spiritual confusion kept her trapped in abuse, and how God gently led her out of the rubble and into healing. Her story is not just about abuse; it’s about redemption, truth, and discovering her worth as a cherished daughter of God.

Whether you’ve questioned if your marriage is abusive, struggled to reconcile your faith with your suffering, or wondered if healing is even possible—this episode is for you.

🔍 Abuse Isn’t Always Obvious—But Your Body Knows Even after experiencing physical violence, Naghmeh didn’t initially see herself as an abuse victim. Cultural and Christian teachings told her to be submissive, to not trust her feelings. But she shares how her body, her spirit, and God’s truth began revealing what her mind had been trained to ignore.

🚩 Early Red Flags and Trauma Bonding From the beginning, Saeed criticized her appearance, isolated her from her family, and crossed sexual boundaries during their courtship. These moments formed deep trauma bonds that left her feeling trapped. Naghmeh bravely names the molestation she experienced and the misplaced shame that kept her silent.

🛑 When Faith Is Twisted to Justify Oppression Raised in Middle Eastern and conservative Christian cultures, Naghmeh was taught to value the institution of marriage over her personal safety. But she powerfully unpacks how Jesus does not call us property—He lifts, honors, and protects women. She reminds us that the God of the Bible hates the oppression of women, not those who break free from it.

💔 From Rubble to Revival—God Rebuilds Naghmeh shares how, after her story went public, she endured severe backlash from the Christian community—but also found a deeper intimacy with God in the wilderness. Through tears, silence, and surrender, God slowly rebuilt her life, her joy, and her calling.

🌍 God Is Using Her—and He Can Use You Too Now leading a thriving ministry reaching Iran, Afghanistan, and beyond, Naghmeh testifies that God still uses broken women. Her story proves that divorce is not disqualification—and that freedom leads to fruitfulness. Her vibrant joy and spiritual strength are evidence of God’s redemptive power.

If Naghmeh’s story resonated with you, know this: You are not damaged goods. It’s not too late. You can get out. You can heal. You can rebuild.

Sister, God never asked you to sacrifice your soul to save a marriage. He sees your pain. He honors your tears. And He’s not done with your story. Like Naghmeh, you may feel broken right now—but broken is not the end. It’s the beginning of something sacred, strong, and free.

Let God rebuild the ruins. Let Him plant deep joy where sorrow once lived. You are His beloved daughter—and your healing brings Him glory.

You are not alone.

Maybe you’ve been carrying the weight of shame, confusion, or silence for years. Or maybe someone you love is walking that road and you don’t know how to help. In this honest and hope-filled episode, Leslie is joined by Tabitha Westbrook, licensed therapist, abuse recovery expert, and survivor, for one of the most vulnerable conversations we’ve had yet.

Tabitha courageously shares parts of her own story of sexual abuse—both in childhood and in marriage—and offers profound insight into what real healing looks like. Together, Leslie and Tabitha explore how trauma impacts our bodies, our faith, our sexuality, and our relationships—and how God gently invites us toward wholeness.

Whether you’re walking through this journey yourself or supporting someone who is, you’ll leave this episode with truth, compassion, and a renewed sense of hope.

💔 Healing Isn’t a Straight Line—It’s a Sacred Journey Tabitha shares that healing happens in layers. Just when you think you're “done,” God may bring something new to the surface—not to punish you, but to lovingly bring it into the light. There is no shame in needing more healing.

🖐️ Your Body Wasn’t the Problem—Abuse Was For survivors, it’s common to disconnect from the body or view it as broken. Tabitha helps us reframe that: Your body isn’t your enemy. Gentle, safe touch—even starting with placing your hand over your heart—can begin the work of restoring trust and safety in your own skin.

💬 The Church Needs to Stop Being Silent Too often, women go to their pastors first—and are met with harmful advice or spiritual platitudes. Tabitha urges churches to get trauma-informed, stop shaming survivors, and become places of real healing, not deeper harm.

🕊️ Yes, We’re Talking About Sexuality—With Grace From reclaiming sexual health to navigating masturbation, orgasm, and pleasure after trauma, Tabitha speaks boldly and biblically about the realities many Christian women face. God designed sexuality to be good—and healing in this area is possible.

We’re thrilled to celebrate the release of Tabitha’s brand-new book, Body & Soul, Healed & Whole: An Invitational Guide to Healthy Sexuality After Trauma, Abuse, and Coercive Control, launching April 1, 2025.

This groundbreaking resource offers a biblically grounded, trauma-informed path to reclaiming your body and restoring your sexuality in a way that honors God and brings healing. Tabitha gently invites readers into truth, safety, and wholeness—no matter how broken or disconnected they feel.

👉 Order the book here: Tyndale House Amazon

🖊️ Don’t miss the companion workbook, launching the same day, to help you go deeper in your healing journey.

If this episode spoke to your heart, don’t walk this path alone. Leslie’s Conquer Membership community is a safe, faith-based space for women healing from destructive relationships. Inside, you’ll find support, coaching, and biblical tools to help you walk in truth and strength.

👉 Learn more and join the waitlist here: www.leslievernick.com

Friend, if your story includes abuse, shame, or silence—please know this: you are not alone, and you are not beyond healing. God sees you. He is not afraid of your wounds. There is no part of your story too dark for His light, and no part of your heart too broken for His love.

Take the next step. Speak the truth. Healing is possible—one brave choice at a time.

In this deeply moving episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie sits down with life coach, neurodiversity advocate, and former missionary Jenilee Goodwin. Jenilee courageously shares her story of being in a 23-year emotionally destructive marriage while also navigating the challenges of ministry, chronic illness, and parenting neurodivergent children.

Her journey—from burnout and confusion to clarity and empowerment—will resonate with every woman who’s ever asked: Is it really that bad… or am I just not trying hard enough?

With honesty, wisdom, and deep spiritual insight, Jenilee walks us through the complexities of differentiating neurodivergent limitations from emotionally abusive behavior, and how she found the strength to obey God—even when it meant letting go of everything she’d built.

Jenilee explains how difficult it was to separate her husband’s ADHD and possible autism from his emotionally abusive behaviors. The turning point? Realizing that neurodivergence doesn’t excuse a lack of empathy, unwillingness to change, or repeated disregard for her well-being. Diagnosis is not a license for disrespect.

As a pastor’s wife and missionary, Jenilee felt enormous pressure to keep up appearances. But when her health began to deteriorate and her husband refused to share the load, she had to make a painful decision: obey the institutional church… or obey God’s whisper to “stop.”

Jenilee describes the crushing emotional and mental labor she carried for her husband—being his memory, his planner, his spiritual leader—until she said no more. When she stopped overfunctioning, things crumbled… but clarity and healing finally began.

The lie that godly women must sacrifice themselves no matter what is one that keeps many stuck in harmful marriages. Jenilee shares how stepping into obedience—choosing truth over appearances—led to both heartbreak and unexpected joy.

From MS and fibromyalgia to chronic fatigue, Jenilee’s body bore the cost of the emotional toll she carried for years. But after she stopped rescuing her husband and started caring for herself, healing began—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Sister, you are not selfish for needing rest. You are not ungodly for drawing boundaries. You are not breaking your marriage—you are breaking free from patterns that are breaking you. Obedience to God may feel like a fire, but on the other side is freedom, clarity, and healing.

Don’t wait until your body forces you to stop. Listen to that still, small voice. God is calling you into truth—and into life.

You can do this. We’re walking with you.

Rhonda has dedicated her career to helping women navigate the financial complexities of divorce with confidence and clarity. In this episode, she shares practical strategies for financial empowerment, ways to uncover hidden assets, and how to build a strong support team so that no woman has to walk this journey alone. If you've ever felt trapped by financial insecurity or overwhelmed by the thought of handling money on your own, this conversation is for you.

Divorce Isn’t the First Choice, But Sometimes It’s the Best Choice Many women hesitate to leave abusive or destructive marriages due to religious or cultural conditioning. Rhonda and Leslie discuss why staying informed about your options is not promoting divorce but rather promoting wisdom and safety.

Building a Strong Financial Foundation Starts with Awareness Whether you're contemplating divorce or just wanting to be more financially literate, knowing where your money is and how it works is crucial. Rhonda shares her Bridge Method, helping women breathe, build a financial team, and gather critical financial documents before making any decisions.

Common Financial Fears and How to Overcome Them Fear of being destitute, of never being able to own a home, or of not being able to provide for children keeps many women feeling stuck. Rhonda walks us through the knowledge-experience-confidence formula that helps women step into financial empowerment.

Practical Steps to Uncover Financial Information Rhonda shares insider strategies, including checking credit reports, IRS transcripts, and even using USPS informed delivery, to help women piece together their financial picture—even when their spouse has kept them in the dark.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone Having a trusted support system is key. If you don’t know where to start, find a financial expert, a supportive friend, or even a private investigator if necessary. Rhonda’s resources make it easier to take those first steps toward financial security.

• Listen to Rhonda's podcast Disrupting Divorce Conversations for Women
• Download Rhonda’s free resource: 6 Ways to Get a Fair Divorce Settlement – wfwcdivorce.com
• Explore Leslie’s coaching programs and community for faith-based support – leslievernick.com

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember this: You don’t have to figure it all out today. Just take one small step toward educating yourself and preparing for your future. God will guide your path, one decision at a time. You are not alone, and you are stronger than you think.

If you’ve ever felt trapped in a relationship where words don’t match actions, where confusion and self-doubt creep in, this episode will encourage and empower you with the wisdom, faith, and tools to step into truth.

1. The Slow Realization of Deception Isla’s story began with excitement and hope—she believed she had chosen wisely. But from her wedding night onward, subtle red flags began to emerge: small acts of indifference, shifting moods, and later, outright lies. She learned that deception doesn’t always come with blatant betrayal; sometimes, it’s the quiet erosion of trust, the feeling that something is always just slightly off. If you feel unsettled in your relationship but can’t pinpoint why, it’s worth paying attention.

2. The Power of Denial and Overcompensating For years, Isla compensated for her husband's irresponsibility, picking up the slack and trying harder to make things work. She assumed his agreement with her concerns meant he would change, but true transformation requires action, not just words. Recognizing the difference between passive compliance and real accountability was key in her healing journey.

3. The Breaking Point: When You Can’t Walk Through the Door Sitting in her car, unable to enter her own home, Isla hit a moment of undeniable truth—her marriage was crushing her spirit. It wasn’t until she stepped back, created boundaries, and sought wisdom that she began to reclaim her life. Sometimes, rock bottom is the birthplace of transformation.

4. Healing Through Faith, Boundaries, and Community Isla's faith played a crucial role in her journey. She turned to Proverbs for wisdom, joined Conquer, and found a community of women who understood her struggle. Through this, she discovered that mutual, safe, and reciprocal relationships are God’s design—not a life of walking on eggshells. Healing required her to hold the relationship loosely, allowing her husband to take responsibility for his own growth.

5. Rebuilding with Wisdom and Caution After three years of separation, her husband had to prove his change—not with words, but with actions. Weekly accountability groups, personal counseling, and a renewed commitment to truth paved the way for reconciliation. Their marriage today looks nothing like before—marked by independent wholeness, clear financial separation, and intentional rebuilding. It’s not about returning to the old marriage; it’s about creating something new.

If Isla’s story resonates with you, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Conquer is a transformative support community designed for women facing destructive relationships. You’ll find biblical wisdom, practical tools, and the support of women who truly understand. Learn more and join the waitlist at leslievernick.com/conquersignup.

If you’re sitting in your car, afraid to walk inside, know this: God sees you. You are precious in His sight, and you deserve a life built on truth, respect, and mutual love. Don’t be afraid to take the next right step—one step at a time, one boundary at a time. You are not alone, and with God’s guidance, healing and clarity are possible.

Does the church always protect the vulnerable? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Too often, church leaders and institutions protect their own reputation, power, and influence instead of the wounded and abused. This episode is a crucial conversation with world-renowned trauma expert Dr. Diane Langberg, who has spent over five decades counseling survivors of abuse and working to bring truth and light into the darkest places within the church.

In this episode, Leslie Vernick and Dr. Langberg discuss how churches can—and must—do better. They expose the dangerous ways churches enable abuse, misuse power, and silence victims in the name of God. If you've ever felt unheard, dismissed, or spiritually manipulated by those in leadership, this conversation will offer both validation and hope.

1. Why Churches Struggle to See and Address Abuse The church has been slow to acknowledge abuse within its walls. Too often, the institution is prioritized over the people. Jesus called leaders to "feed my sheep," yet many churches protect the system instead. Abuse survivors need churches that reflect Christ’s heart, not just uphold doctrine.

2. The Harmful Messages Women Hear About Abuse and Marriage Many women are told that preserving marriage at all costs is God’s will, even at the expense of their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. But God hates sin more than divorce. Jesus himself walked away from people who refused truth, and women are not called to stay in destructive relationships to honor God.

3. The Self-Deception of Abusive Church Leaders Abusive pastors and leaders often twist Scripture to justify their actions. They protect their reputations and minimize their sins, deceiving not only others but themselves. True repentance requires exposure and accountability, not secrecy and cover-ups.

4. How to Create Safer Churches for Abuse Survivors Churches must shift their focus from building large institutions to becoming places that reflect Christ’s love and justice. This means listening to survivors, seeking expert training, and prioritizing character over charisma in leadership.

5. God's Heart for the Wounded For those who have been harmed by their church, Dr. Langberg offers a powerful reminder: God sees, weeps, and hates the evil done in His name. He does not ask you to stay in an abusive situation. He is for you, not against you.

• Dr. Diane Langberg’s book: When the Church Harms God's People
• Dr. Diane Langberg's website: www.dianelangberg.com
• Leslie Vernick’s resources for abuse survivors: www.leslievernick.com
• Need support? Join our private community for women seeking healing and guidance. 

If you've been hurt by the church, know this: God is not like the leaders who failed you. He sees you, loves you, and wants you to walk in freedom. Your voice matters, and healing is possible.

Thank you for listening to Relationship Truth Unfiltered. Be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. 

In this episode, Leslie Vernick and Julie Sedenko dive into what true acceptance looks like, especially for women in difficult relationships. But here’s the key: Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It doesn’t mean resigning yourself to misery. Instead, it’s about facing the truth so that you can take back your power and choose your next steps wisely.

If you’re exhausted from trying to change someone who refuses to change, this episode will help you shift your mindset and start taking care of yourself because you are worth it.

• Denying reality doesn’t change it, it only keeps you stuck.
• Accepting a hard truth doesn’t mean you have to like it, but it does mean you can begin to move forward.
• Resisting reality drains your energy. Facing it, even when it hurts, is the first step to healing and change.

• Accepting the truth about your marriage doesn’t mean it will never change, but it does mean you stop relying on "hopium", the false hope that if you just try harder, he’ll be different.
• When you accept reality, you regain your power by asking: “What are my choices now?”
• Acceptance leads to action. You can start making plans for your well-being, rather than waiting for someone else to change.

• If your husband refuses to change, you can choose how you will respond.
• Your choices might include setting firmer boundaries, building financial independence, finding emotional support, or even considering separation.
• Instead of waiting for someone else to rescue you, step into the role God has given you as the steward of your own life.

• Feeling like a doormat? That’s a sign you need better boundaries.
• Being kind does not mean letting people take advantage of you.
• When you start saying “no,” pay attention to how people respond. Do they respect your boundaries, or do they punish you for them? That tells you a lot about the relationship.

• If your needs aren’t being met in your marriage, you don’t have to stay stuck in resentment. Instead, you can take steps to meet them in other ways.
• Stop waiting for your husband to make you feel valued, loved, or celebrated. Celebrate yourself.
• God calls us to steward our lives wisely. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it’s responsible.

Are you struggling to accept a painful truth in your marriage? You don’t have to go through this alone. Ready to take action and grow stronger? Walking in CORE Strength is a coaching program designed to help you build confidence, set boundaries, and reclaim your life. Learn more and join us here.

Acceptance is hard, but it’s also the doorway to freedom. When you stop fighting the truth, you can start making choices that bring peace, strength, and healing into your life. You are not alone, and God will give you the courage to take the next step.

🔹 Follow the podcast so you never miss an episode! 🔹 Leave a review! Your words encourage other women to find hope and truth.

In this powerful and eye-opening episode, Leslie sits down with Dr. Beth Allison Barr, a medieval historian, pastor’s wife, and author of The Making of Biblical Womanhood and Becoming the Pastor’s Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as Women’s Paths to Ministry. Together, they uncover the hidden history of women in the church, the pressures placed on pastor’s wives, and the rise of complementarian theology that has harmed both women and men. Beth also shares practical wisdom for women navigating abusive marriages, ministry challenges, and the journey to rediscover their God-given identity.

Whether you’re a pastor’s wife, married to a man in leadership, or simply navigating the tension between cultural expectations and God’s calling, this episode will inspire you to seek truth, embrace courage, and step into the freedom God has for you.

Key Takeaways:

1. The Pastor’s Wife Role: Cultural, Not Biblical Many assume the role of the pastor’s wife is biblically mandated, but Beth reveals that it is a cultural construct that emerged in modern history. While the role can be valuable for those called to it, it is not the primary calling for all women. Recognizing this truth is freeing and helps dismantle harmful expectations.

2. Empowering Lessons from Black Churches Black pastor’s wives have historically embraced more freedom and authority in their roles, often co-pastoring or pursuing ministry outside their husband’s church. Unlike white evangelical churches, where the pastor’s wife is expected to embody the “ideal” biblical woman, Black church traditions emphasize authenticity and community support.

3. The Legacy of Women in Church Leadership The medieval church had space for women in leadership, with figures like Mary Magdalene, Hildegard of Bingen, and Catherine of Siena preaching and holding authority. Beth challenges listeners to revisit Romans 16, where women are commended as apostles, deacons, and house church leaders, proving that women’s leadership has always been part of God’s design.

4. The Rise of Complementarian Theology and Its Harm Complementarian theology, which ties women’s worth to their husband’s ministry, rose in the 20th century as a reaction to women gaining autonomy in society. This theology pressures women to prioritize their husband’s needs over their own, often leading to emotional and spiritual harm. It also isolates pastor’s wives, making it difficult for them to find support or speak out against abuse.

5. The Burden of Perfection and the Danger of Silence Pastor’s wives—and women in ministry—often feel pressured to maintain an image of perfection, from their appearance to their children’s behavior. This isolation becomes dangerous when they are in abusive marriages, as speaking out can cost them everything. Leslie and Beth discuss the importance of breaking the silence, seeking support, and prioritizing safety over the preservation of harmful institutions.

6. Becoming God-Centered, Not Husband-Centered Women are often taught to center their lives on their husbands, but true freedom comes from being God-centered. Leslie and Beth encourage listeners to seek God’s voice and ask, “What are you calling me to do?” Each woman is uniquely gifted and called for a purpose beyond cultural expectations.

Introduction Have you ever found yourself questioning everything you thought you knew about love, trust, and commitment? What if the dream you’ve been waiting for suddenly didn’t feel right? In today’s episode, Julie Sedenko sits down with Leah, a woman who was weeks away from getting married when she made the gut-wrenching decision to call off her wedding. Leah’s story is different from our usual guests—she’s never been married—but her journey of faith, resilience, and self-discovery will challenge the way you think about relationships, red flags, and the courage to choose what’s right over what’s expected.

If you’ve ever felt the pressure of time, culture, or expectations pushing you toward a decision that doesn’t sit well in your spirit, this episode is for you. Leah shares how she navigated an unexpected betrayal, deep grief, and the healing she found through Leslie Vernick’s coaching programs. You won’t want to miss the wisdom and strength that radiates from her testimony.

Key Takeaways:

1. When Love Doesn't Feel Safe Leah shares how she initially felt deeply connected to her fiancé—he was kind, communicative, and a gentleman. But things changed when they reunited after a period of long-distance. His sudden shift in behavior—being overly aggressive physically and dismissive of her boundaries—set off warning bells. While he never crossed certain lines, Leah realized his actions felt more objectifying than affectionate. This raised the question: Was he really honoring her, or was he testing how much he could get away with?

2. The Danger of Assumed Agreement Cross-cultural relationships come with unique challenges, but Leah had spent years preparing for this. She believed they had aligned on key values—faith, purity, finances, and family. However, as marriage became imminent, she discovered he had merely tolerated her views rather than sharing them. His ultimate admission? “I thought you would change your mind.” Leah’s story is a powerful reminder that assumptions are not agreements, and time does not equal trustworthiness.

3. The Devastating Reality of Calling Off a Wedding Leah’s decision to walk away wasn’t just about losing a relationship—it meant leaving her home, career, and the future she had envisioned. She grieved not only the man she loved but the life she had built. At almost 40, she also faced the reality that by the time she found another relationship, her window for having biological children might be closed. The depth of this loss was overwhelming, and she cried nearly every day for two years. But in the midst of her pain, she discovered a deeper truth: sometimes, walking away is the bravest thing you can do.

4. Finding Strength Through Core Principles As Leah sought healing, she discovered Leslie Vernick’s coaching programs, including Moving Beyond People Pleasing and Walking in Core Strength. These programs provided her with validation, support, and a framework to navigate relationships in a healthier way. Two key lessons stood out:

• Courageously Committed to the Truth: Holding onto truth and boundaries is not harsh—it’s healthy. Jesus embodied grace and truth, and so should we.

• Empathy Without Enabling: You can love someone deeply while still holding firm boundaries. Someone being upset with you does not make you a bad person.

5. Redefining the Finish Line Many women are raised to believe marriage is the ultimate goal, but Leah has come to see things differently. While she still desires a healthy marriage, she no longer sees it as a measure of her worth. “I know who I am, whether or not I’m married,” she says. “And I will be the same person if I ever do get married as I am right now.”

Final Encouragement If you’re facing a difficult relationship decision, remember this: Yellow lights don’t turn green, they turn red. Ignoring the warning signs won’t make them go away. Leah’s story is proof that choosing integrity over convenience may be painful, but it leads to true freedom. You are not alone, and you are stronger than you think.

Key Takeaways

1. You Don’t Have to Make the Perfect Decision Many people stay stuck in indecision because they fear making the wrong choice. But the truth is, no one has perfect information all the time. Even a wrong decision can provide valuable insight, allowing you to adjust and move forward. Instead of viewing decisions as permanent, think of them as opportunities to learn and course-correct along the way.

2. Indecision Is Still a Decision Choosing not to decide is, in itself, a decision—with its own consequences. If you're paralyzed by fear or waiting for your spouse to take action, recognize that staying in limbo is creating an outcome, too. Instead of waiting for someone else to change, take responsibility for what you can control and move forward with wisdom.

3. How to Handle a Spouse Who Won’t Participate in Decision-Making If your spouse is disengaged, you have choices in how you respond: with resentment, with curiosity, or with acceptance. Ask yourself: Is he afraid of making mistakes? Has he been criticized in the past? Does he struggle with change? By approaching the situation with understanding rather than frustration, you can free yourself from bitterness and take action where necessary.

4. Understanding Fear and Avoidance in Decision-Making Fear can be paralyzing, especially for someone who has been conditioned to avoid risk. Some people resist making decisions due to past trauma, upbringing, or personality differences. For example, if your spouse grew up in an environment where mistakes were punished harshly, he may struggle to take initiative. Recognizing this can help you approach the situation with grace rather than resentment.

5. When You’re Not Allowed to Make Decisions What if you’re on the opposite end of the spectrum—where your spouse makes all the decisions, even when they are harmful? If his leadership is damaging your family financially, emotionally, or spiritually, you may need to establish firm boundaries. Seeking wise counsel, setting limits, and refusing to enable destructive choices are crucial steps in reclaiming your voice and protecting your well-being.

6. The Power of Boundaries and Choice Having boundaries helps you exercise your power of choice. This is what I will do. This is what I won’t do. This is what I can do. This is what I can’t do. But setting boundaries also means learning to live with others’ disappointment and resentment. Whether it’s your children, spouse, or extended family, making decisions that are good for you—and ultimately for them—often comes with resistance. Accepting this reality allows you to move forward with confidence rather than guilt.

7. Living from Your Noble Self Instead of Your Emotions Acting out of your noble self means making decisions that align with who you are in Christ, rather than being driven by fear, resentment, or a need for approval. It’s about showing up in your life with strength and dignity, just like the Proverbs 31 woman. You don’t need to apologize for being wise, decisive, or courageous. God designed you to make choices, and embracing this responsibility is part of spiritual maturity.

8. You Always Have Choices Even in the hardest circumstances, you still have choices. Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, wrote that everything can be taken from a person except one thing: the ability to choose how they will respond. If you feel trapped in your marriage, your job, or another painful situation, start by asking: How do I want to be in this moment? What small steps can I take toward change? Recognizing your power to choose—even in small ways—can be incredibly freeing.

9. Trusting God in the Decision-Making Process God doesn’t expect you to make perfect decisions, but He does call you to trust Him and take action. The Bible says, “You will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it’” (Isaiah 30:21). As you seek wisdom, make the best choice you can, and be open to self-correction when necessary.

Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship that looked perfect on the outside but was suffocating behind closed doors? In this episode, Michelle shares her courageous journey from hiding abuse within the walls of the church to stepping into freedom, healing, and a mission to help other women recognize when difficult crosses into destructive. If you’ve ever questioned whether your struggles in marriage were just normal hardships or something more harmful, Michelle’s story will provide clarity, validation, and hope.

1. Recognizing Red Flags in Christian Courtship Michelle reflects on the early warning signs she overlooked during dating. While her relationship seemed like a picture-perfect Christian courtship, subtle yet significant issues surfaced: boundary-pushing, controlling tendencies, and an inability to respect her differing opinions. If a man says one thing but does another—especially when it comes to physical boundaries—that’s a serious character concern. A man’s integrity matters more than his words.

2. When Submission Becomes Oppression Michelle shares how scripture was twisted in her marriage, particularly regarding intimacy. Instead of mutual love and respect, biblical teachings were weaponized to demand compliance. She felt like an object rather than a cherished wife. This distortion of faith kept her stuck, believing she had to endure rather than address the toxic dynamic.

3. The Loneliness of an Unseen Battle Perhaps one of the most heartbreaking moments Michelle describes is standing alone in the kitchen late at night, feeling used and unseen, while her husband slept peacefully. She cried out to God, struggling to reconcile her suffering with the belief that divorce was not an option. Her prayers shifted over time—from asking ‘How long, O Lord?’ to pleading for rescue.

4. When Christian Marriage Advice Keeps You Trapped Books like Love and Respect made Michelle believe that if she just respected her husband enough, things would change. But no amount of respect can fix a heart unwilling to change. In a healthy marriage, both partners seek growth, repentance, and mutual love. The problem isn’t just about how a wife behaves—it’s about whether both people are truly honoring God in their marriage.

5. Isolation and Control: A Subtle Form of Abuse Michelle’s husband worked to isolate her from friends by criticizing their parenting or questioning their submission. She initially believed his concerns, but over time, she realized it was a tactic to keep her dependent. Meanwhile, he maintained his own friendships, often mentoring men and encouraging their wives to submit, reinforcing harmful dynamics.

6. The Breaking Point: When Abuse Turns Physical Michelle recounts the night her husband physically removed her from their car and abandoned her miles from home. Despite years of emotional and spiritual abuse, this moment shattered her sense of security. Yet, even then, she felt trapped, unsure of where to go or whom to tell. The shame of staying weighed on her, but she also feared the unknown.

7. A Divine Wake-Up Call In 2023, Michelle experienced a powerful moment with God—a dream, a whispered name, and a podcast episode that spoke directly to her situation. This was her turning point. She finally recognized that her marriage wasn’t just difficult; it was destructive. With courage, she sought help, setting boundaries and eventually moving out when it became clear her husband was unwilling to change.

8. Finding Strength and Support in Conquer As Michelle searched for answers, she discovered Leslie Vernick through a podcast with Lysa Terkeurst. She dove deep into Leslie’s teachings, and after joining the Conquer group, found the validation and strength she needed to break free. With guidance from a Christian counselor and the support of Conquer, Michelle gained the confidence to make empowered decisions for herself and her children.

9. Understanding True Repentance A key revelation for Michelle came from a conversation between Leslie Vernick and Chris Moles. She learned that true repentance isn’t just words—it’s a heart transformation. A truly repentant man focuses not on regaining control of his wife but on her healing and well-being. This realization helped Michelle recognize that her husband’s apologies lacked genuine accountability and change.

10. A New Future: Education and Independence Despite opposition from her husband, Michelle pursued a master’s degree, taking one class per semester since 2020. Now, as she approaches graduation in classical studies, she is excited about her future in education, curriculum development, and potentially women’s ministry. Her newfound independence is a testament to her resilience and faith.

If Michelle’s story resonates with you, you are not alone. Abuse—whether emotional, spiritual, or physical—is not God’s design for marriage. You do not have to stay stuck. There is hope, there is help, and there is a way forward.

For more support, visit Leslie Vernick & Co. and explore resources to help you discern truth, find your voice, and take courageous steps toward healing.

You are precious in God’s eyes. He sees your pain, and He does not call you to endure suffering in silence. If you are struggling in a destructive marriage, reach out for help. Healing, freedom, and a life of true peace are possible. You don’t have to walk this path alone—God is with you, and so is this community of women who have found strength to step into the light.

Stay strong, stay hopeful, and take the next step toward your healing journey today.

1. Leslie's Quick Start Guide
2. Brad Hambrick's Blog: Why Is It So Hard to Have Constructive Conversations About Abuse? Church Cares
3. American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC)
4. Equip

Show Notes: Why Churches Resist Abuse Ministry

Introduction Have you ever wondered why churches sometimes hesitate or even resist addressing abuse within their congregations? In today’s episode, Leslie Vernick unpacks this difficult but vital question. She shares her years of experience working with churches and individuals to create safer spaces for those harmed by abuse. Whether you’ve felt dismissed by your church, or you’re striving to bring change, this conversation offers clarity, hope, and practical steps forward. Together, we’ll explore why this resistance exists, what’s changing, and how we can be part of the solution.

Key Takeaways

1. The History of Church Resistance to Abuse Ministry

• In the past, many churches believed abuse wasn’t a problem among Christians, leading to unsafe environments for children and vulnerable members.
• Change was driven largely by legal and financial accountability rather than a proactive desire for safety.
• Churches must recognize the reality of abuse and embrace preventative measures as part of their mission to love and protect their people.

2. The Misconceptions That Fuel Resistance

• Many church leaders empathize more with the fear of false accusations than with victims’ lived experiences, despite false reports being rare.
• Misunderstandings about what constitutes abuse—such as emotional or sexual abuse within marriage—prevent churches from addressing it effectively.

3. The Role of Leadership in Healthy Relationships

• Biblical headship is about servant leadership, not power or control. Healthy leaders use their influence to empower and uplift others, reflecting Christ’s example.
• Submission, as taught in Scripture, is a voluntary act rooted in mutual love and respect—not coercion or oppression.

4. Why Individual Healing Must Precede Marriage Work

• Starting with marriage counseling in abusive situations often leads to failure. Individual healing for both parties is essential before addressing the relationship.
• Churches can support this process by encouraging personal growth and connecting individuals with appropriate resources.

5. Resources to Equip Churches for Better Ministry

• Free tools like the Church Cares Curriculum provide essential training for addressing abuse.
• Leslie’s EQUIP group offers ongoing support and education for pastors, counselors, and leaders seeking to handle abuse well.

A Personal Invitation If you’re a church leader, counselor, or someone who wants to advocate for healthier, safer relationships in your community, take the next step. Visit LeslieVernick.com to learn more about EQUIP and access resources designed to empower leaders and protect the vulnerable.

Change is possible when we open our hearts to God’s guidance and truly listen to the pain of those around us. If you’ve been hurt by the church or feel overwhelmed as a leader, know that God sees you and desires healing and growth.

Listen to the full episode now and share it with your pastor or church leader! Together, we can foster safer, healthier communities.

RESOURCES

• Leslie Vernick's website
• Leslie's Quick Start Guide

The Relationship Timeline

• Love bombing during dating phase
• Emotional regulation issues during engagement
• Marriage lasted 2 years
• Ended with 6-week separation

Red Flags & Patterns

• Husband proud of his "manipulation talent"
• Consistent gaslighting and emotional control
• Sexual addiction disclosed pre-wedding
• Financial dependence despite her being primary breadwinner
• Isolation from family and friends

Turning Points

• The wedding incident revealing deeper issues
• Writing "the letter" that sparked change
• Breaking point during Bible study
• Understanding God's word "faithful" in new light

Finding Help

• Leslie Vernick's teachings
• CORE program principles
• Conquer program
• Church community support

Discussing 'Worthy: Celebrating the Value of Women':

• Overview of Elyse's book 'Worthy.'
• The book celebrates the value of women in the church and society.
• The inspiration behind writing 'Worthy.'

Writing and Reception:

• Elyse's experiences around 2019-2020 that led to writing the book.
• Conversation with Paul Tripp and reading a blog post by Eric Shoemaker.
• The unexpected pushback received from various groups, including church leaders.

Handling Pushback:

• The surprising amount of resistance to the book's message.
• Criticisms, including the apparent lack of focus on traditional gender roles.
• Shock and discouragement faced, even being disinvited from conferences and losing publishing contracts.

The Biblical Value of Women:

• Discussion on the value of women as depicted in the Bible.
• Examples such as Hagar and the significance of her story in Genesis.

Cultural and Church Challenges:

• Examination of the church’s fear of women having power.
• The issue of power dynamics and the misuse of spiritual teachings to control.

Lessons from the Bible:

• Biblical accounts demonstrating God's use and valuing of women.
• Stories of women like Eve, Hagar, and Mary of Bethany.

Women as Co-laborers in Faith:

• The importance of recognizing women as equal contributors to the faith.
• Challenges women face in being seen as more than just traditional roles.

Jesus' Treatment of Women:

• Examples from the New Testament showing Jesus' respect and care for women.
• Stories of Jesus protecting and valuing women.

Resistance and Reconciliation:

• Different responses to sin and accountability between David and Saul.

• Importance of genuine repentance and the recognition of women's value in the community.

Why Separate?

• Leslie talks about the big reasons people choose to separate—from safety concerns to ongoing negative behavior and its impact.

Separation as a Wake-Up Call

• Separation can sometimes be a wake-up call. How do you know if it's working?

Spotting Real Change

• It's not just about saying sorry. How do you know your partner has really changed and is ready to reconcile?

Legal Stuff You Need to Know

• Separation isn't just emotional—there are legal aspects to consider. Make sure you're protected.

Grace and Boundaries

• How do you balance giving grace with setting boundaries? We discuss what you can tolerate and what’s a deal-breaker.

When It's Just Not Going to Work

• Sometimes, reconciliation isn’t possible. Leslie explains when you should consider calling it quits.

• Leslie describes what a breakdown mindset is.
• Explains its effects using stories of people stuck in victim mentality.

• Leslie explains how people deny reality to avoid suffering.
• Shares examples of false spirituality and its impact on lives.

• Julie shares a personal story about her sister’s tragic death and subsequent family losses.
• Discusses the weight of grief and the common but unhelpful reactions from others.

• Leslie talks about distinguishing between healthy grieving and a breakdown.
• Emphasizes finding meaning in suffering.
• Shares the importance of perspective and purpose in tragedy.

• Leslie explains what a breakthrough mindset looks like.
• Provides personal and real-world examples of people converting loss into meaningful actions.

• Leslie provides practical steps and mindset shifts.
• Includes tracking thoughts and noticing the stories we tell ourselves.

• Stresses the importance of self-growth and taking responsibility for one’s mindset.
• Mentions the Empowered to Change group as a resource for developing a noble self.

Details about the Empowered to Change group:

Its role in personal growth.

How it helps women navigate difficult times by focusing on individual growth and mindset shifts.

• Leslie ends with a prayer for women in a breakdown mindset.

Darby Strickland https://www.darbystrickland.com/ 

In this heart-wrenching and inspirational episode, Mary shares her powerful story of overcoming decades of abuse. From her tumultuous marriages to finding the strength to rebuild her life, listeners will be moved and motivated to find resilience in their own struggles.

• Mary's Background

  • Insights into Mary’s early life and personal history.
  • Brief mention of her age and pride in overcoming challenges.

• First Marriage

  • The emotional and psychological abuse Mary experienced.
  • Efforts to maintain a normal home and protect her children.
  • Her husband’s eventual abandonment.

• Second Marriage

  • Initial optimism and eventual realization of failure.
  • The additional challenges and learning experiences.

• Discovering Leslie's Materials

  • How Mary found and began engaging with Leslie’s resources.
  • The impact of biblical evidence and therapy on her decisions.

• Applying Knowledge and Therapy

  • Practical steps Mary took to apply Leslie’s teachings.
  • Collaboration with her PTSD therapist to understand and confront abuse.

• Personal Achievements and Growth

  • Overcoming past abuses and achieving significant personal milestones.
  • Her educational pursuits and the establishment of a discipleship group.
  • Aspirations to start an autism center.

• Balancing Commitments

  • Struggles and strategies for maintaining a balanced life.
  • Learning to prioritize and manage commitments without overextending.

• The Role of Counseling

  • The necessity and importance of having a supportive counselor.
  • Perseverance in finding the right match for counseling.
  • Practical advice for those experiencing abuse and seeking help.

• Final Thoughts

  • Encouragement for listeners to seek help and realize their value.
  • Empowering message to those feeling defeated by ongoing abuse.

• Karl's journey of struggle and redemption

• Childhood challenges and the impact of faith

• Integrating science and faith for healing

• Empowering godly decisions in tough relationships

• Overview of the SPEARS decision-making model

• Importance of daily psychological and spiritual upkeep

Leslie's Quick Start Guide www.leslievernick.com/start

In this episode, Julie Sedenko sits down with Alyson Zurek, who opens up about her tumultuous life marked by three marriages, a traumatic brain injury, and childhood trauma.

From early instability and maternal abandonment to overcoming abusive relationships and exploring emotional recovery, Alyson shares her story of resilience and healing.

She discusses how finding faith and joining supportive communities like Conquer helped her reclaim her life and peace of mind. The conversation serves as a powerful testament to the strength of the human spirit and offers hope for those in similar struggles.

• Discussion on imbalance of theology related to suffering and authority
• Magnification of male headship and sacrifice over safety and protection of the oppressed
• Lack of focus on misuse and cautions of authority

• Constituted and delegated authority in the church
• Power comes with responsibility and accountability
• The church's duty to hold authority figures accountable for misuse

• Jesus' warnings against the misuse of authority
• Connection to domestic abuse involving various forms of power and control
• The church's slow response to addressing these abuses

• Biblical references to power under versus power over
• The role of accountability and honesty in theological commitments
• Expectation of servant leadership and its importance

• Finding hope and change through the gospel
• The focus on individual safety and sanity over marital restoration
• Importance of setting boundaries and personal growth for both partners

• Misuse of power and patterns of coercive behavior
• The importance of recognizing power dynamics in abuse
• Differentiating between isolated acts and ongoing patterns of control

• Acknowledgment of women's potential for abusive behavior
• Differences in power dynamics and impact between men and women
• Examples of women abusing power in certain contexts

• Encouraging nonviolent forms of resistance
• The significance of maintaining dignity and agency
• Practical advice on resisting control without escalating violence

• Discovery of her husband's addiction
• Struggles with expectations of respect and family values, especially within the church setting

• Anger and threats escalate
• Irrational anger
• Psychological and physical toll of the marriage

• Tansil's fear and realization of the impact on her children
• Protective actions taken to shield her children from the abuse

• Reflection on early warning signs before and soon after marriage
• Importance of identifying and not ignoring red flags in relationships

• Seeing the truth
• Initial steps towards seeking help and legal separation

• Hiring an attorney and filing for legal separation
• Emotional and practical challenges of separating from an abusive spouse
• Experiences with victim services and legal protection

• Participation in Conquer and the support gained from the community
• Key lessons and validations received from fellow survivors
• Importance of staying anchored in reality and implementing safety plans

• Challenges with pastoral support and their often inadequate response to abuse
• Importance of faith and prayer in Tansil's journey
• Positive and negative experiences with church leadership

• Encouragement to listeners to trust their gut instincts and prioritize safety
• Advice on not dismissing red flags and recognizing one's own worth
• Final reflections and call to action for women in similar situations to seek help and support

Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start  Pattern Questions to Ask:

1. When was the first time ...
2. When was the last time... 
3. What is a typical time?
4. What's the worst time?

Summary: In this episode, Julie Sedenko and relationship expert Leslie Vernick discuss how to recognize and address destructive relationships. Leslie highlights five key signs of a destructive relationship and offers advice on navigating these challenging situations.

1. Identifying Red Flags in Marriage

   • Explanation of common red flags that may indicate a relationship is becoming destructive.

2. Recognizing Patterns of Destructive Behavior

   • Importance of identifying repeat patterns in behavior that are harmful.
   • Differentiation between occasional mistakes and ongoing destructive patterns.

3. Sign One: Feeling Controlled

   • Indicators of control and manipulation in a relationship.
   • Psychological and emotional impact of being controlled.

4. Sign Two: Feeling Afraid

   • Understanding fear in non-physically abusive relationships.
   • Common fears and their effects on the dynamics of a relationship.

5. Sign Three: Feeling Confused

   • The role of gaslighting in causing confusion.
   • Strategies for regaining clarity and validating one’s own reality.

6. Sign Four: Feeling Objectified

   • Recognizing when one is being treated as an object rather than a partner.
   • The emotional toll of objectification.

7. Sign Five: Deception

   • Impact of chronic deception on trust and safety in a relationship.
   • Recognizing the signs of deceit and its consequences.

8. Navigating Deceptive and Manipulative Behavior

   • Dealing with duplicity and manipulation in relationships.
   • Strategies for protecting oneself and maintaining sanity.

9. Taking Control of Your Happiness

   • Personal anecdotes and empowerment stories.
   • Importance of self-celebration and taking charge of one’s own well-being.

10. Recognizing Destructive Patterns and Seeking Safety

    • Identifying patterns and understanding their frequency and intensity.
    • Assessing personal boundaries and safety measures.

• Understanding Neurodiversity

  • Explanation of neurodiverse and neurotypical terms.
  • Importance of recognizing different neurological wiring and its impact on relationships.

• Impact of Late Diagnosis

  • Effects of late autism spectrum diagnoses on marital relationships.
  • Historical context of autism diagnosis and its implications.

• Recognizing Red Flags

  • Identifying signs that a partner might be on the autism spectrum.
  • Need for reassessment for individuals diagnosed with ADHD before 2013.

• Challenges in Neurodiverse Marriages

  • Common struggles such as lack of emotional connection and communication issues.
  • Necessity for both partners to learn and adapt to each other's needs.

• Trauma and Neurodiverse Relationships

  • Understanding Trauma A (absence of good things) and Trauma B (presence of bad things) in neurodiverse marriages.
  • Impact of trauma on the neurotypical spouse and importance of addressing these issues.

• Counseling and Coaching

  • Benefits of coaching over traditional counseling for neurodiverse couples.
  • Importance of individual therapy and trauma work before starting couples work.

• Personal and Spiritual Growth

  • Encouraging women to set boundaries and seek self-care.
  • Finding identity and community support outside of the marriage.

• Final Advice

  • Practical tips for women feeling unheard or unloved in their relationships.
  • Recognizing and addressing the impact of a spouse's behavior on their well-being.

1. Raquel's Marriage

   • Rachel discusses the truth behind her marriage experiences

2. Emotional Abuse Unmasked

   • Revealing the signs and effects of emotional abuse

3. Raquel on Toxic Marriages

   • Insights on what makes a marriage toxic

4. Marriage Boundaries

   • Raquel’s story on setting and maintaining boundaries

5. Healing After Emotional Abuse

   • Steps and stories of healing post-abuse

6. Raquel's Marriage Lessons

   • Key lessons learned from her own marriage

7. Escaping Toxic Relationships

   • Strategies and advice for leaving toxic situations

8. Raquel's Guide to Boundaries

   • Comprehensive guide to establishing and enforcing boundaries

9. Toxic Marriage Insights

   • Additional insights on toxic relationships

10. Raquel's Truth on Marriage

    • Final thoughts and personal truths about marriage

1. • The Tragic Event

     • Description of the tragic event involving Michelle's daughter, Gabrielle.
     • Emotional and psychological impact on Michelle and her family.

       Life Before the Tragedy

       • Insights into Michelle's marriage and reasons for the divorce.
       • Discussion about emotional abuse and its impact.

2. Gabrielle's Personality

   • Michelle's memories of Gabrielle.
   • Gabrielle's character and memorable traits.

3. The Night of the Tragedy

   • Details of the night Gabrielle's life was taken.
   • Michelle’s immediate reactions and actions following the event.

4. Immediate Aftermath

   • Steps Michelle took following the tragedy.
   • The support system that helped her through the initial shock.

5. Regaining Power and Faith

   • Michelle’s journey to regain her power and sense of self.
   • Her process of rebuilding faith and resilience.

6. Book Discussion: The Other Side of Yet

   • Introduction of Michelle’s book.
   • Explanation of the book’s title and central themes.

7. Defiant Faith

   • Discussion on the concept of defiant faith.
   • How Michelle has embraced defiance against evil and adversity.

8. Support Systems

   • Importance of having a strong support system during crises.
   • Examples of how Michelle’s friends supported her through difficult times.

9. Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation

   • Overview of the Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation.
   • The mission and activities of the foundation to honor Gabrielle’s legacy.

10. Conclusion and Prayer

    • Closing thoughts from Leslie and Michelle.
    • Prayer for listeners facing their own battles with evil and hardship.

• Links and Resources:

  • Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
  • Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation Website
  • Purchase Michelle Hord’s Book 
  • Michelle Hord's Website
  • Leslie Vernick’s Free Quick Start Guide

• Social Media Contacts:

  • Follow Leslie Vernick on Instagram and Facebook
  • Follow Gabrielle’s Wings on Instagram and Facebook

`

JOIN CONQUER!! September 24 - October 4th

In this episode, Betty shares her journey through CONQUER, a program that played a pivotal role in her life, first as a married woman and later after her divorce. She discusses how she rediscovered her core values, tackled people-pleasing habits, and found invaluable community support. Her story is a testament to personal growth and resilience, offering hope and a heartfelt prayer for those facing tough times.

• Twice the Impact: Betty took CONQUER courses twice—first married, then divorced in December 2016. She reflects on how this dual experience shaped her perspective and growth.

• Discovering Authenticity: Betty's journey to rediscover her core values. Insightful question: "Who did God make you to be?"

• Moving Beyond People Pleasing: Role plays and self-awareness exercises in CONQUER helped her recognize and overcome patterns of people-pleasing.

• Community and Support: Importance of community in Betty's healing journey. Deep connections and friendships formed through CONQUER.

• Transformation and Growth: Betty's evolution spiritually and emotionally. Living authentically and secure in identity and faith.

• Gratitude and Mentorship: Betty's shares her appreciation for Leslie Vernick's mentorship and teaching. Impactful moments of support and guidance.

• Finding Meaning in Difficult Times: Drawing from Isaiah 45:3—finding treasures in darkness. Recognizing God's presence and provision in challenging times.

• Encouragement for Listeners: Words of encouragement for those in similar journeys. Embrace inner work, community support, and spiritual growth.

• Closing Thoughts and Prayer: Betty's closing reflections on her journey. Heartfelt prayer for listeners in difficult circumstances.

Register Here for Leslie's Free Workshop

Are You in a Destructive Marriage Test/Quick Start Guide

Pam's Journey:

• Reflects on her marriage of over two decades overshadowed by manipulation and deceit.
• Discovering her husband's hidden behaviors: excessive gambling, pornography use, and financial mismanagement.
• The emotional toll of deception and cycles of hope and disappointment.
• The turning point: uncovering infidelity and confronting the reality of emotional abuse.

Navigating Healing and Transformation:

• Coping with legal and financial challenges amidst ongoing deceit and manipulation.
• Finding solace in resources like Leslie Vernick's teachings and support groups.
• Recognizing and addressing emotional abuse: setting boundaries and focusing on personal healing.
• Spiritual growth and redefining beliefs about marriage and submission.

Reflections and Moving Forward:

• Challenges and victories in navigating divorce and rebuilding self-worth.
• The role of support systems: friends, family, and therapeutic interventions.
• Embracing opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment beyond the confines of marriage.
• Insights into reclaiming identity and finding empowerment in life after abuse.

•  Near-Death Experience

  • Julie Bonn Blank shares her profound spiritual experience after a near-death allergic reaction
  • Impact on her faith journey and ministry

• Understanding Coercive Control

  • Definition and examples of coercive control in relationships
  • Its role in perpetuating abuse dynamics

• Highlighting ARMS Programs

  • Overview of "Her Journey" program for survivors of domestic violence
  • Explanation of "Mankind and Virtue" program for abusers

• Challenges in Church Responses

  • Discussion on how churches address abuse within their congregations
  • Importance of supportive and accountable church environments

• Personal Reflections on Healing and Relationships

  • Julie's insights on building healthy relationships after abuse
  • Differences and learnings from past experiences

• Women may hesitate to show physical affection due to fear of it being seen as an invitation for sex.
• It’s important to communicate intentions clearly when offering hugs, kisses, or other forms of affection.
• An effective way to set boundaries: “I love being close to you, but I don’t always want it to lead to sex.”
• Men should understand that affectionate gestures are not always signals for sex; ongoing dialogue is key.

• Faking orgasms can erode trust and intimacy in a relationship.
• Honest communication about sexual desires and experiences is essential.
• If a woman is not in the mood for orgasm, she should express this openly: “I want to be close to you but don’t expect me to reach orgasm.”
• Focus on connection and mutual pleasure rather than performance.

• Certain practices, such as extramarital sex and harmful activities, are considered off-limits.
• Biblical teachings emphasize respect, mutual consent, and preserving the sanctity of sexual relationships.
• Open dialogue about preferences and boundaries helps maintain a healthy relationship.

• Covert marital rape can involve emotional or spiritual coercion, where consent is not freely given.
• True consent involves the ability to express desires and boundaries without fear of negative consequences.
• If coerced into compliance, seek professional help and support to address these issues.

• There is disagreement in the church on this topic. 
• Masturbation can be a natural part of sexuality and may not necessarily indicate problems in a relationship. 
• It’s important to discuss personal needs and expectations about masturbation within the context of the marriage.
• Addressing how masturbation affects the relationship openly and respectfully can lead to greater understanding and alignment.

• Feeling deceived when a partner’s sexual preferences or desires differ from expectations can be challenging.
• It’s important to address these concerns openly with your partner and seek to understand each other’s needs and boundaries.
• Consider couples counseling to explore these issues in a safe, guided environment.
• Building a supportive relationship where both partners feel heard and valued is crucial, even if sexual desires do not align perfectly.

• Long-term relationships, like homes, require regular maintenance and repair.
• Addressing emotional, physical, or relational damage is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.
• Prioritize well-being and safety; if a partner’s behavior consistently harms the relationship, consider seeking therapy or reevaluating the relationship.

• Marriage and intimate relationships involve navigating various challenges and dynamics.
• Clear communication, mutual respect, and honest dialogue are essential for a fulfilling and healthy relationship.
• Seek support and resources to address issues and build a stronger partnership

In this episode, Kobe explores the intersection of prayer, therapy, and setting boundaries in the journey of healing from relational wounds and trauma. Drawing from personal and professional experiences, Kobe shares insights and practical tools to empower listeners in their healing journey.

Prayer as a Healing Practice:

• Importance of Prayer: Prayer serves as a foundational practice in connecting with God and seeking emotional and spiritual healing.
• Prayer in Daily Life: Kobe shares personal experiences where prayer has been pivotal in navigating challenges and finding peace amidst turmoil.

Spiritual Insights and Healing:

• Learning from Elijah: Elijah's journey in 1 Kings 19, is where God provided resources for endurance rather than immediate escape from suffering.
• Price of Righteousness: Doing the right thing does not always lead to immediate positive outcomes, yet God provides strength and resources for those who persevere.

Benefits of Therapy and Coaching:

• Perspective Beyond Pain: Therapy and coaching offer insights outside one's immediate suffering, essential for moving beyond trauma.
• Healing Responsibility: While not responsible for the initial wounds, individuals are accountable for their healing journey.
• Questioning for Growth: Asking oneself questions is pivotal for healing, acknowledging there are answers beyond current understanding.

Setting Boundaries and Biblical Perspective:

• Importance of Boundaries: Setting boundaries is biblical and mirrors God's design for relationships, fostering mutual respect and safety.
• Misconceptions: Boundaries are not about punishment but safeguarding conditions for personal thriving and mutual respect.

Breath Prayer for Healing:

• Kobe shares a breath prayer exercise as a contemplative practice, combining deep breathing with a prayerful connection to God's presence.

• Leslie's Free Webinar: www.leslievernick.com/o
• Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
• Leslie Vernick’s book: The Emotionally Destructive Marriage

In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko and Leslie Vernick delve into the concept of "core strength" and its critical importance for women navigating destructive relationships. This episode is designed for any woman who feels she may be in a harmful relationship, offering practical insights on how to build and use core strength in everyday life, whether she chooses to stay or leave.

1. Understanding Core Strength:

   • Leslie shares her personal journey of realizing the importance of core strength, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. She introduces the concept with a metaphor of physical fitness, explaining how just as a strong core prevents physical collapse, emotional core strength prevents women from collapsing under the weight of a destructive relationship.

2. Core Strength Components:

   • Courageously Committed to Truth: Living in reality, not denial, and embracing the truth even when it's difficult.
   • Open to the Holy Spirit and Wise Others: The importance of being teachable and surrounding oneself with wisdom rather than just strong opinions.
   • Taking Responsibility: Understanding personal responsibility for one’s safety, well-being, and character development without shifting blame.
   • Empathy with Boundaries: Balancing compassion with the necessity of setting boundaries that protect against enabling destructive behavior.

3. Practical Applications:

   • Leslie and Julie explore practical scenarios where core strength is applied, including handling disagreements about finances, asserting one's needs, and setting boundaries with a controlling or abusive partner.
   • They discuss the importance of detachment and how women can maintain their emotional and spiritual well-being despite external pressures from a difficult partner.

4. Facing Reality and Fear:

   • The episode addresses the fear of confronting harsh realities, like leaving an abusive situation or facing the consequences of setting boundaries. Leslie emphasizes the need to acknowledge fear but not let it dictate actions.

5. Building a Safety Plan:

   • The importance of having a safety plan is discussed for women who find themselves in physically dangerous situations. Resources and steps to create a safety plan are provided.

6. Wise Counsel and Discernment:

   • How to discern between wise advice and manipulative counsel, especially in a church setting. The importance of aligning advice with the true character of God, as revealed through Jesus, is highlighted.

Reflecting on the Past

Laura talks about her hard memories of the marriage bed and how she took time after leaving her marriage to observe how others interacted in their marriages. She realized that healthy relationships exist and had to rewrite the script in her mind about what is normal and healthy.

Challenging the Spouse

Laura describes how challenging her husband or saying no would lead to either being ignored, receiving a different storyline, or being told she was wrong. She mentions how this would escalate to character assassination, erasing what she thought and wanted, making her feel she had to go along with what he did.

Hitting the Wall

As her kids got older, financial troubles and unstable work for her husband added to the stress. Three occasions in four months where her husband physically hit her were pivotal. After the first incident, she contacted the church, seeking accountability, but it led to no meaningful support. Her husband never acknowledged his actions.

Lack of Support and Apologies

Laura shares how her husband never apologized or acknowledged the abuse, often claiming that incidents never happened or were accidental.

Physical and Emotional Abuse

Laura explains why she did not call the police, mentioning her fear of creating a bigger mess and the belief that any report would lead to someone going to jail. She learned the importance of documentation and how having a case number could have helped her later.

Fear and Control

Laura recounts another incident where her husband shoved her out of bed, leading her to scream for help. She didn't call the police, fearing the consequences. Her husband continued to downplay and dismiss her concerns.

Finding Leslie Vernick

After these incidents, Laura tried one more round of counseling. Seeing her husband act cruelly towards his mother was a turning point. A friend recommended Leslie Vernick's book, which gave her the words to explain her experiences and recognize the patterns of abuse.

Joining Conquer

Laura joined Conquer in 2017. Leslie's teachings and the supportive community were a godsend. She learned about her identity in Christ and how to have healthy relationships, which helped her grow and heal.

Grieving and Healing

Leaving a 32-year marriage involved a grief process for Laura. Time and counseling have been healing. She had to intentionally remember the good times and not vilify her ex. Now, she can pray for him and look forward to advancing God's kingdom in her life.

Moving Forward and Dating Again

After seven years of being divorced, Laura is cautiously open to a new relationship. She approaches it differently, being mindful and keeping other people engaged. She remains true to herself and looks for mutual engagement and respect.

Conclusion

Laura encourages women in similar situations to see their own beauty and courage. She advises focusing on personal health and taking steps towards independence. Empowering oneself and one's children towards Christ and their own identity is crucial.

Encouragement and Next Steps

Laura emphasizes the importance of focusing on individual wellness and taking the next right step. She suggests creating a safety plan and being around supportive people who will speak life into you.

• Dr. Henry Cloud’s new book: "Why I Believe"  
• Online platform with courses by Dr. Cloud
• Dr. Cloud's book, Necessary Endings
• Leslie's Quick Start Guide: Find out if you're in a destructive relationship

In today's episode, Leslie Vernick sits down with Dr. Henry Cloud, the acclaimed leadership expert, clinical psychologist, and best-selling author known for his influential books "Boundaries" and "Necessary Endings." With over 45 years of experience, Dr. Cloud has helped millions integrate faith and psychology into their lives.

In this enlightening conversation, Leslie and Dr. Cloud discuss his newest book, "Why I Believe," a deeply personal narrative that diverges from his usual clinical and business-focused writings. This book delves into Dr. Cloud’s journey of faith, his childhood experiences, and the profound moments that shaped his spiritual beliefs.

Key Points:

Introduction to Dr. Henry Cloud: Leslie introduces Dr. Cloud, highlighting his significant contributions through his books and his integration of faith and psychology. Dr. Cloud's credentials: best-selling author, leadership expert, and clinical psychologist with over 45 years of experience.

The Motivation Behind "Why I Believe": Dr. Cloud shares the impetus for writing a book about his faith journey at this point in his life. Initial intention to create a small pamphlet for his friends, which evolved into a full-fledged book due to the widespread need among Christians to share their faith.

Dr. Cloud’s Personal Faith Journey: Growing up in a Southern Methodist home with a faith that was real but not front and center. His struggles with depression and a turning point during his college years when he earnestly sought God.

Miraculous Experiences: Dr. Cloud recounts miraculous experiences, including finding a pastor’s house through divine guidance and the profound moment of feeling God’s presence in his car. How these experiences affirmed his belief in God despite not immediately curing his depression.

Intellectual Obstacles and Resolution: Addressing intellectual challenges such as the existence of suffering and the relationship between science and scripture. Dr. Cloud’s deep dive into various scientific fields and his conclusion that there is no conflict between science and the Bible when approached without atheistic presuppositions.

Integration of Psychology and Scripture: Dr. Cloud’s perspective on how psychological science validates biblical teachings. The inclusion of personal miracle stories in his book to illustrate the tangible impact of faith.

The Problem of Evil and Suffering: Leslie and Dr. Cloud address the age-old question: If God is good and real, why does He allow suffering, especially the suffering of innocent people? Dr. Cloud explains that the root cause lies in the concept of free will. God created humans with the freedom to love Him or reject Him, and this freedom extends to all human actions, including harmful ones.

The Nature of Love and Freedom: Love cannot exist without freedom. Just as in human relationships, love must be freely given and received; otherwise, it is not true love. God set boundaries to guide humans, but the freedom to choose remains, leading to both good and evil actions.

God’s Foreknowledge and Plan: While God knew the potential for evil, He also prepared a plan for redemption through Jesus Christ, even before the foundation of the world. The presence of evil and suffering is part of the larger narrative of freedom and redemption.

God’s Presence in Suffering: Dr. Cloud shares a powerful testimony of a man who envisioned Jesus taking his place during a beating from his father, illustrating that Jesus deeply empathizes with our suffering. Jesus’ identification with our pain and His presence in our suffering provides a profound sense of comfort and solidarity.

Addressing Intellectual and Emotional Challenges: Dr. Cloud acknowledges that intellectual answers often fall short of providing emotional satisfaction when it comes to understanding suffering. He emphasizes the importance of trusting in God’s infinite love and wisdom, even when we cannot comprehend His ways fully.

Role of the Church and Community: The importance of the church’s role in standing against abuse and supporting victims. Dr. Cloud critiques the misuse of scripture to justify abusive relationships and encourages victims to seek help from compassionate and understanding leaders.

Empowerment and Responsibility: God has delegated the responsibility to humans to act against evil and support those in need. Encouragement for individuals and communities to step up and make a difference in the lives of those who are suffering.

Encouragement for Victims: Dr. Cloud offers heartfelt advice to victims of abuse, emphasizing the importance of seeking safety and help. He highlights the significance of finding supportive communities and leaders who will stand against abuse and provide the necessary support.

Today, we’re tackling a big question: Is your marriage dead or alive? We’ll break down how to tell if your relationship is thriving, in trouble, or maybe somewhere in between. We’ll talk about what regular upkeep looks like for a healthy marriage and how to handle the heavy-duty repairs when things go south. Whether you’re dealing with minor bumps or major cracks, we’ve got tips and insights to help you figure out the next steps. So, grab a coffee, settle in, and let’s get real about your relationship!

1. Understanding Marriage Maintenance:

   • The Importance of Regular Upkeep: 
   • Examples of Maintenance

2. The Necessity of Repair Work:

   • Identifying Major Issues

3. Real-Life Stories and Lessons:

   • Repair Strategies

4. The Role of Accountability and Self-Reflection:

   • Taking Responsibility
   • Effective Repair Measures

5. When Effort is Lopsided:

   • Balancing Effort

6. Accepting Reality:

   • Facing Hard Truths:
   • Healthy Acceptance:

Maintaining a marriage requires ongoing effort and understanding the difference between routine maintenance and addressing significant issues. Recognizing when to repair versus maintain and accepting the reality of the situation can lead to healthier outcomes, whether it means rejuvenating the relationship or making a tough decision to move forward separately.

In this episode, we delve into the often overlooked dynamics of covert abuse within marriages, shedding light on its subtle yet profound impacts. Our guest, Jessica, shares her insights into these hidden behaviors based on her personal journey and observations.

Defining Covert Abuse:

• Covert abuse refers to subtle, deceptive behaviors aimed at controlling or manipulating a partner without overt aggression.
• Jessica describes how these behaviors include gaslighting, passive-aggressive tactics, and manipulation through silence or withdrawal.

Impact on Emotional Well-being:

• The discussion explores the emotional toll of covert abuse, highlighting feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and isolation.
• Jessica shares her experience of feeling constantly invalidated and struggling with the blurred lines between love and control.

Financial and Decision-Making Control:

• Financial abuse, where one partner controls finances to limit independence or enforce compliance, is explored.
• The impact on decision-making within the household and personal autonomy is discussed, emphasizing the need for financial transparency and equality.

Parenting Challenges:

• Covertly abusive behaviors can extend into parenting dynamics, affecting roles, responsibilities, and the emotional environment for children.
• Jessica shares insights into navigating parenting while dealing with a partner's controlling behaviors and its effect on family dynamics.

Seeking Support and Healing:

Importance of Community and Therapy:

• Jessica emphasizes the role of supportive communities and therapy in recognizing and healing from covert abuse.
• Finding validation and solidarity with others who understand similar experiences is crucial for emotional recovery.

Personal Growth and Empowerment:

• The journey towards healing involves reclaiming personal agency and establishing boundaries.
• Jessica discusses steps she took to prioritize her well-being and regain a sense of self outside the abusive dynamics.

Raising Awareness and Taking Action:

• The episode concludes with a call to raise awareness about covert abuse, encouraging listeners to recognize the signs and seek help.
• Jessica shares resources and strategies for anyone experiencing or suspecting covert abuse in their relationships.

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE

Are you in an emotionally destructive marriage? Get Leslie's Quick Start Guide HERE. 

Listen to this podcast where Alicia tells the story of being married to a sexually abusive pastor. 

In this episode, Leslie and Julie explore the challenging issue of marital rape, drawing on personal experiences and insights from biblical teachings. Join them for an honest conversation that sheds light on this sensitive topic with compassion and understanding.

• Understanding Marital Rape

  • Definition and misconceptions.
  • Societal and religious views.

• Biblical Perspectives

  • Scriptural interpretations.
  • Cultural biases and implications.

• Challenging Misconceptions

  • Myth vs. reality: Marriage and consent.
  • Importance of mutual respect.

• The Role of Mutual Respect

  • Biblical teachings on respect and autonomy.
  • Building healthy marital dynamics.

• Setting Healthy Boundaries

  • Importance of boundaries in marriage.
  • Safeguarding dignity and respect.

In this episode, Julie and Leslie explore the connection between trauma and people-pleasing habits. They discuss how past experiences can lead us to prioritize others' approval over our own well-being. Through real-life stories and practical tips, they empower listeners to break free from these patterns, find their voice, and foster more authentic connections.

Why Understanding the Connection is Important

• Childhood patterns: Survival mechanisms that may not serve us well in adulthood
• Impact of unresolved trauma on adult relationships and well-being

Signs of People-Pleasing Behavior

• Difficulty saying no, anxiety when refusing requests
• Constantly seeking approval, compromising personal values

Roots of Negative People-Pleasing Behavior

• Relationship trauma: Abuse, neglect, abandonment
• Response mechanisms: Fight, flight, freeze, fawn

Personal Experiences with People-Pleasing

• Leslie Vernick's journey: Balancing pleasing others with self-care and values

Setting Boundaries

• Importance of identity and responsibility in setting boundaries
• Practical examples: Saying no without guilt, prioritizing self-care

Strategies for Healing from Past Trauma

• Recognizing trauma's impact on decision-making and relationships
• Taking responsibility for personal healing and growth

Conclusion

• Importance of internal healing for breaking the cycle of people-pleasing
• Steps towards self-awareness, setting boundaries, and healing from trauma

Register here for our UNLIMITED Moving Beyond People Pleasing Drop-In Group Coaching + Video Curriculum

Today, Julie & Leslie are exploring how some of your best qualities and highest Christian virtues can make you a target for toxic individuals. Have you ever wondered why you seem to attract destructive people despite your kind heart and good intentions? This episode will help you understand and transform how you navigate relationships, allowing you to embrace your strengths while safeguarding your heart.

People Pleasing: People pleasers are often generous and eager to make others happy, which can make them susceptible to manipulation. Without the ability to say no, people pleasers may find themselves overextended and exploited. Learn to buy time before committing and practice saying no without guilt.

Loyalty: Loyalty is a noble trait, reflecting a commitment to relationships. However, blind loyalty can lead to staying in harmful relationships with habitual liars or abusers. Pair loyalty with discernment and wisdom to know when to break away from toxic situations.

Forgiveness: Forgiveness is a core Christian virtue, emphasizing grace and mercy. However, endless forgiveness without consequences can enable continued abuse or neglect. Healthy forgiveness includes justice and setting boundaries, ensuring there are consequences for harmful actions.

Forbearance: Forbearance promotes patience and tolerance, important in any relationship. Being passive and ignoring habitual sin or evil can be dangerous. Be intentional about forbearance and confront issues when necessary, following Ephesians 5:11 to expose deeds of darkness.

Kindness: Kindness reflects God's love and compassion. Niceness without boundaries can lead to being used and misused. Be kind but firm, setting limits on unacceptable behavior without compromising your values.

Selflessness: Selflessness mirrors Christ's sacrifice and service. Being overly selfless can lead to losing your identity and becoming an object in the relationship. Steward your life wisely, balancing self-care with serving others, and maintaining your individuality.

Trust: Trust is fundamental to any healthy relationship. Naive trust can lead to betrayal and harm. Trust with discernment, recognizing when someone is not trustworthy and acting accordingly.

As we discuss these virtues, remember that we are currently enrolling for Leslie’s Moving Beyond People Pleasing program. This course is designed to help you apply these principles in your life. Visit leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse to learn more and register.

Final Thoughts:

• Embrace your Christian virtues but pair them with wisdom and discernment to protect yourself from toxic individuals.
• Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it’s stewardship. Prioritize your well-being to better serve others and fulfill your God-given potential.
• Remember to consider the entire counsel of God, not just isolated verses, to guide your life and relationships.

Thank you for joining us today. We hope this conversation helps you navigate your relationships more wisely and embrace your strengths while safeguarding your heart. Until next time, take care and stay true to your values.

In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko talks with Jill, a woman navigating the complex journey of staying well in a challenging marriage. Jill shares her story of setting boundaries, seeking therapy, and balancing hope with vigilance. Her experiences provide valuable insights for anyone facing similar marital struggles. Tune in to hear Jill's candid account of the ongoing battle to maintain wellness in her relationship.

Introduction to Jill's Story:

• Jill's background and the challenges she faced in her marriage.
• Early signs of an emotionally unhealthy marriage.

Navigating Family Influences:

• Impact of Jill's mother-in-law on her marriage.
• Establishing boundaries with extended family.

Steps Towards Healing:

• Seeking counseling and church community support.
• Building a business together and navigating financial struggles with faith.

Challenges of Staying Well:

• The constant effort required to maintain healthy boundaries.
• Handling emotional triggers and setting consistent limits.
• The difficulty of not reverting to old patterns of behavior.
• Balancing hope for improvement with vigilance against setbacks.
• Navigating emotional health within the family and maintaining stability for her children.
• Recognizing and addressing codependency and manipulation in relationships.

Behavioral Changes in Marriage:

• Positive changes in her husband's behavior and their communication patterns.
• Significance of transparency and trust-building.

Final Thoughts and Advice:

• Jill’s advice for women in similar situations.
• Emphasizing the language of behavior and the importance of reflecting on personal responses.

Key Points:

• Intent vs. Impact:

  • The importance of recognizing that even unintentional actions can cause significant harm.
  • The need for restitution and justice regardless of intent.

• Forgiveness and Amends:

  • The balance between forgiveness and the necessity for repair and restitution.

• Addressing Harm in Marriage:

  • The importance of acknowledging and addressing the harm caused, even if unintentional.
  • The role of genuine repentance and changed behavior in rebuilding trust.

• When to Stop Bringing Up Past Hurts:

  • The necessity of ongoing conversation and understanding the victim's perspective.
  • The difference between genuine repentance and dismissing the victim's feelings.

• Trust and Safety in Relationships:

  • The critical role of trust and safety in maintaining a healthy marriage.
  • Examples of irreparable breaches of trust, such as adultery or financial deceit.

• Mental Illness and Responsibility:

  • The balance between compassion for mental illness and maintaining personal boundaries.

• Sacrificial Suffering and Boundaries:

  • The distinction between noble sacrifices and enabling harmful behavior.
  • The importance of not sacrificing one's well-being to enable another's worst behavior.

• Recognizing True Change:

  • Identifying genuine changes in behavior and heart versus superficial compliance.
  • The importance of mutual care and respect in a truly healthy relationship.

Listener Takeaways:

• Self-Worth and Dignity:

  • Understanding that a partner's indifference or cruelty is a reflection of their character, not your worth.
  • Embracing your value as an individual and image bearer of God.

• Living in Reality:

  • The power of facing the truth about your relationship for making informed decisions.
  • The importance of personal growth and becoming your best self.

Resources:

• Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

In this episode, Julie talks to Kay, a woman who adopted children later in life and dealt with a very destructive marriage. She knew from the beginning there were issues, but chose to try and make it work anyway. Learn from her mistakes and listen to the hope she has to offer. Early Signs and Struggles: Kay recounts the lack of red flags during courtship, the first major incident on their honeymoon, and the initial discovery of her husband's infidelity. Julie and Kay discuss the shock and embarrassment Kay felt upon discovering these betrayals.

Cycles of Abuse and Financial Instability: Kay describes the cycles of destructive behavior, the impact of her husband's work-related stress on their family life, and his inability to maintain steady employment. She also shares her experience of financial abuse and a pivotal event in her marriage.

Turning Points and Seeking Help: The critical moment Kay found Leslie Vernick's book, "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage," which provided hope and clarity. Kay's decision to make significant changes for the well-being of her children and herself.

Filing for Divorce and Health Challenges: Kay recounts the moment her husband revealed his troubling mindset, believing it was a wife's duty to endure abuse and die. Shortly after filing for divorce, Kay was diagnosed with breast cancer and decided to keep it private for her own safety and her children's well-being.

Rebuilding and Moving Forward: Kay reflects on her journey to safety, securing legal protection and custody rights, and the relief of a stable life for her children. She expresses gratitude for her friends' support and the strength she found through faith and community.

Final Thoughts and Hope for the Future: Kay shares her commitment to teaching her children the value of truth and self-respect. She offers advice to women in similar situations: Be honest with yourself, seek support, and prioritize your well-being and safety.

Key Takeaways:

• Over-functioning in a marriage can mask deeper issues of abuse and inequality.
• Financial abuse can take many forms, including minimal contribution and control over household expenses.
• Journaling and honest reflection are crucial in understanding and addressing abuse.
• Supportive communities and honest friendships are invaluable in navigating and recovering from destructive relationships.
• Practical and realistic interpretations of scripture can provide clarity and strength in challenging times.

In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie sits down with Assistant District Attorney and Adjunct Professor, Molly Catherine Goodson to explore the intersection of faith, justice, and abuse. Molly Catherine shares personal journey and professional insights, discussing how her faith sustains her in this high-stakes role. She provides practical advice for victims of abuse, highlights the church's role in supporting and protecting them, and emphasizes the importance of empowering women within the church community.   Note: Molly Catherine is not representing the state of North Carolina in this episode.

• Balancing a High-Stress Job and Personal Faith: Molly Catherine discusses how her faith helps her manage the stress and high stakes of her career, sharing the importance of worship music and the powerful prayer from her pastor that helps her stay grounded.

• Maintaining Faith Amidst Evil: Leslie and Molly Catherine explore the challenge of maintaining faith in God's goodness despite witnessing daily evils, emphasizing the importance of viewing circumstances through the lens of God's character.

• Biblical vs. Legal Justice: A discussion on the differences between biblical justice and legal justice, explaining that while Jesus takes on our sins, earthly actions still have consequences.

• Forgiveness and Consequences: Addressing common misconceptions in churches that forgiveness erases consequences, stressing that actions have consequences and forgiveness does not negate the need for justice.

• Empowering Women: Encouraging women to learn essential life skills to become less dependent on their abusers, highlighting the empowering effect of managing finances, household tasks, and other responsibilities.

• Church Support for Victims: Practical ways churches can support victims of abuse, such as knowing local resources, helping with logistics, and offering emotional support. Emphasizing the church's role in ensuring the safety and well-being of individuals over maintaining relationships at all costs.

• Hope and Redemption: Molly Catherine shares a hopeful story of a victim of sexual abuse within a church community and how proper support and handling of the case led to justice and healing.

Leslie's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start

If you'd like to ask a question for a future "Ask Leslie" episode, go to www.leslievernick.com/askleslie Questions in this episode:

• Doesn’t there have to be infidelity, domestic violence or abandonment as a reason for divorce? 

• 8:51 What does it mean to detach and can I detach from my husband who shows contempt for me and dismisses my feelings and needs
• 23:56 How is empathy different from people pleasing?
• 27:47 What is a narcissist and how do we appropriately use this term?
• 37:33 What does chronic indifference look like in a relationship?

Quick Start Guide

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

1. Marital Challenges:

   • Rachel describes her passiveness in her marriage, emphasizing the tension between maintaining peace at home and the public persona she had to project.
   • She recounts instances of emotional and verbal abuse from her husband, including public humiliations and controlling behaviors.

2. Custody Battle and Legal Struggles:

   • Rachel talks about the difficult decisions she had to make regarding her children’s well-being and her work-life balance.
   • She details her harrowing experiences with the legal system during her divorce and custody battle, highlighting the allegations and the temporary loss of contact with her children.

3. Health and Recovery:

   • Rachel discusses the impact of stress on her health, leading to hospital visits and a brief institutionalization.
   • She shares her journey towards healing, emphasizing the role of her faith and community support in overcoming her challenges.

4. Empowerment and Advice:

   • Rachel reflects on the lessons learned from her struggles, discussing the importance of recognizing one's worth and the potential dangers of staying in destructive relationships.
   • She offers advice to listeners who might be in similar situations, encouraging them to seek help and prioritize their safety and mental health.

5. New Beginnings and Continued Challenges:

   • Rachel discusses the ongoing challenges of co-parenting with an abusive ex-partner and the strategies she employs to maintain stability for her children.
   • She explores the emotional impact of her journey on her relationship with her children.

6. Spiritual Growth and Personal Insights:

   • Rachel shares how her understanding of biblical teachings on marriage and divorce evolved, highlighting how new interpretations helped her find freedom from oppression.
   • She discusses the role of her faith community and resources like the Conquer program in providing support and validation during her recovery.

• Dr. Alison Cook
• I Shouldn't Feel This Way
• "The Best of You" Podcast
• Lesllie's Quick Start Guide

I. Story: Understanding Emotional Triggers A. Example of anger towards adult child B. Framing emotions: Is it about the other person, oneself, God, or circumstances? C. Importance of recognizing the source of emotions

II. Three Practices for Emotional Health A. Naming Emotions 1. Recognizing and labeling feelings without judgment 2. Importance of self-awareness and emotional vocabulary

B. Framing Emotions 1. Understanding the context and underlying causes of emotions 2. Examining personal responsibility and perspective

C. Braving Action 1. Taking intentional steps based on emotional understanding 2. Balancing discernment and action in response to emotions

III. Selfhood and Agency in Relationships A. Acknowledging personal needs and boundaries B. Exploring societal and Christian expectations for women C. Embracing selfhood as essential for healthy relationships

IV. Recognizing Self-Gaslighting A. Identifying invalidation of personal experiences B. Cultivating self-trust and authenticity C. Partnering with God's discernment in navigating emotions

V. Benefits for Spiritual and Psychological Growth A. Integration of faith and psychology in emotional healing B. Understanding the role of emotions and the body in spiritual life C. Tools for self-compassion and emotional resilience

This episode delves into practical strategies for emotional discernment, emphasizing self-awareness, framing emotions, and taking intentional action. It highlights the importance of embracing selfhood and offers tools for self-compassion and growth, regardless of one's spiritual beliefs.

• Challenges in Recognizing Unsafe Relationships

  • Dismissing Own Feelings and Needs
  • Fear of Confronting Truth About Relationship Dynamics

• Addressing Misguided Advice

  • Forgiveness and Forgetting
    • Importance of Remembering Past Actions for Setting Boundaries
    • Illustration: Story of the Songwriter Behind "Amazing Grace"
    • Understanding Need for Repentance and Growth
  • Maintenance vs. Repair Work in Relationships
    • Analogy: House Maintenance and Repair
    • Necessity of Addressing Trust and Safety Issues Before Other Issues
    • Recognizing Difference Between Maintenance Tasks and Repair Work

• Understanding Individual Capacity and Emotional Management

  • Importance of Self-Awareness in Managing Emotions
  • Recognizing Emotional Capacity and Limitations
  • Analogies: Understanding Emotional Capacity Through Everyday Examples

• Taking Ownership of Personal Growth

  • Individual Responsibility for Personal Development
  • Importance of Prioritizing Self-Care and Emotional Well-Being
  • Recognizing When Individual Work is Necessary Before Addressing Relationship Issues

• Seeking Help and Support

  • Encouragement to Seek Professional Guidance and Support
  • Highlighting Available Resources for Personal Growth and Relationship Support
  • Empowerment to Prioritize Personal Growth and Safety in Relationships
  •  

1. Introduction to Boundaries

• Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and self-respect.
• Understanding the importance of boundaries in various aspects of life.

2. Recognizing Boundary Violations

• Signs of boundary violations include feeling drained, disrespected, or overwhelmed.
• Identifying situations where boundaries are being crossed and acknowledging the need for change.

3. Establishing Boundaries

• The importance of clear communication when setting boundaries.
• Examples of effective boundary-setting phrases 

4. Dealing with Criticism

• Addressing criticism that may arise when implementing boundaries.
• Seeking support from understanding individuals who respect your journey.

5. Respecting Yourself

• Embracing self-respect and understanding that boundaries are not selfish but necessary for personal growth.
• Recognizing and valuing your uniqueness and individual needs.

6. Knowing Yourself

• The importance of self-awareness in establishing and maintaining boundaries.
• Understanding your preferences, limitations, and values to make informed decisions.

• Acknowledging the complexity and sensitivity surrounding the issue of divorce and the Bible

II. Interpreting Malachi 2:16

• Analysis of the New King James Version's interpretation of Malachi 2:16
• Emphasis on the importance of understanding cultural context and nuances in translation
• Addressing misconceptions and criticism regarding biblical interpretation

III. Unpacking the Statement "God Hates Divorce"

• Clarification of the implications of a unilateral statement from God
• Discussion on the potential impact on individuals experiencing divorce
• Emphasis on the need for a nuanced understanding of biblical teachings

IV. Marriage, Divorce, and Biblical Context

• Examination of Exodus 21 and implications for marriage and divorce
• Discussion on the complexity of marital relationships and divine understanding
• Exploration of the New Testament teachings on divorce, particularly Jesus' response to the Pharisees

V. Understanding the Cultural and Historical Context

• Insights into the debate between the Hillel and Shammai camps regarding divorce
• Analysis of Jesus' response to the Pharisees and its cultural implications
• Consideration of Paul's teachings on divorce and remarriage

VI. Pastoral and Ethical Implications

• Reflection on the pastoral responsibilities in addressing divorce and marriage issues
• Advocacy for seeking specialized help and guidance in dealing with complex marital situations
• Emphasis on the importance of theological honesty and discernment in interpreting scripture

VII. Encouragement and Final Words

• Affirmation of God's love and care for individuals, particularly women
• Encouragement to uphold one's dignity and worth as children of God
• Call to discernment, prayer, and reliance on the Holy Spirit in understanding biblical truths.

• Leslie emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries for safety without resorting to shaming or demeaning language.
• Discussing the misconceptions around divorce and the true essence of God's stance on marriage, rooted in love and protection for women.

Segment 2: The Journey of Forgiveness

• Examining the stages of forgiveness and repentance in rebuilding a fractured marriage.
• Understanding the woman's role in moving forward, including evaluating trust, releasing resentment, and embracing personal growth.

Segment 3: Confronting Painful Realities

• Sharing poignant stories of tragedy and anger to illustrate the lasting impact of recklessness and the necessity of processing emotions.
• Encouraging listeners to rewrite their stories beyond victimhood, embracing resilience and new beginnings.

Conclusion:

• Leslie emphasizes that, regardless of the outcome, finding peace and growth is possible.
• Julie reinforces the idea that even if the desired ending differs from reality, a happy conclusion can still be achieved through personal transformation.

Part 1: Recognizing Toxic Patterns

In the first part of our show, Leslie and Marie confront harmful beliefs perpetuated by society and religion. They discuss the misconceptions surrounding marriage, divorce, and self-sacrifice, shedding light on the importance of discerning between true biblical teachings and damaging ideologies.

Part 2: Embracing Healing and Growth

Marie courageously shares her story of recognizing warning signs, seeking support, and setting boundaries to protect herself from further harm. Through the Conquer Group and trusted family members, she found the strength to navigate the challenges of divorce and embrace the healing process with resilience and faith.

Key Points:

1. Challenging Toxic Beliefs: Marie and Leslie challenge damaging beliefs that perpetuate toxic patterns in relationships. They emphasize the importance of discerning between true biblical teachings and harmful misconceptions that contribute to emotional and psychological harm.

2. Recognizing Warning Signs: Marie recounts her journey of acknowledging the warning signs of abuse and the pivotal moment when she realized she couldn't ignore them any longer. She shares her experience of grappling with emotional manipulation and gradually coming to terms with the severity of her situation.

3. Seeking Support: Through the Conquer Group and trusted family members, Marie found the courage to seek support and guidance. She emphasizes the importance of reaching out to trusted individuals who can offer perspective and encouragement during difficult times.

4. Setting Boundaries: Marie reflects on the crucial role of setting boundaries in protecting oneself from further harm. She shares how prioritizing her well-being and asserting her needs, despite pushback from her ex-husband, helped her regain a sense of autonomy and self-respect.

5. Embracing Healing: Despite the challenges of divorce and rebuilding her life as a single mother, Marie embraced the healing process with resilience and faith. She shares how leaning on her relationship with God and embracing her identity outside of marriage empowered her to envision a brighter future.

6. Moving Forward with Purpose: Today, Marie is embarking on a new chapter of entrepreneurship, leveraging her experiences to support other women in similar situations. She encourages listeners to prioritize their own growth and well-being, knowing that they are deserving of love, respect, and fulfillment.

• Discover the origins of Rebecca's groundbreaking series, sparked by the urgent need to address misuses of scripture in handling sensitive issues like sexual abuse.
• Learn how Rebecca's journey evolved from social media advocacy to a comprehensive exploration of scriptural interpretations.

2. Challenging Authority and Misinterpretation

• Rebecca's transition from missionary storytelling to theological discourse, as she courageously challenges flawed interpretations of scripture.
• Understand the significance of Rebecca's work in addressing gender disparities and offering fresh perspectives within theological discussions.

3. Addressing Core Issues

• Delve into the critical themes tackled in Rebecca's books, including the misrepresentation of Christian rights and the often misunderstood concept of biblical bitterness.
• Gain valuable insights as Rebecca realigns these notions with the true character of God, providing a roadmap to understanding and spiritual freedom.

4. Cultivating a New Vision of God

• Uncover Rebecca's mission to correct distorted images of God prevalent in abusive religious environments, revealing the loving, relational nature of the divine.
• Experience a transformative journey toward spiritual clarity as Rebecca illuminates the true essence of God's word.

5. Reception and Impact

• Explore the overwhelming positive response to Rebecca's work, underscoring the profound need for her message in a world hungering for authentic spiritual guidance.
• Understand the formidable challenge Rebecca's engagement with scripture poses to critics, despite minimal direct confrontation.

6. Untwisting Bitterness and Beyond

• Delve into the unjust accusations of bitterness often faced by victims in abusive situations, as Rebecca offers fresh perspectives on accountability and forgiveness within the church.
• Gain invaluable insights into navigating complex emotions and reclaiming spiritual agency. Resources:  Rebecca Davis: www.rebeccadavisinfo.com Untwisting Scriptures Book series: https://heresthejoy.com/untwistingscriptures/  Leslie Vernick: www.leslievernick.com 

• Julie poses the question: What constitutes healthy self-esteem, especially from a biblical standpoint?
• Leslie explores the concept of self-esteem in relation to self-image.
• Discussion on the formation of self-image through interactions and perceptions, particularly in childhood.
• Highlighting the role of parental influence and societal standards in shaping self-esteem.

Understanding Humility and Self-Acceptance

• Expanding on the notion of humility as a component of healthy self-esteem.
• Drawing parallels between humility and accepting one's limitations.
• Leslie emphasizes the importance of embracing truth about oneself and avoiding unrealistic expectations.
• Discussing the difference between self-improvement and self-condemnation.

Biblical Perspective on Self-Worth

• Julie prompts discussion on what the Bible says about self-worth and identity.
• Leslie highlights biblical verses affirming inherent value and purpose in individuals.
• Emphasizing God's unconditional love and acceptance regardless of human flaws.
• Encouraging listeners to recognize their worth as God's beloved creations.

Overcoming Negative Self-Talk

• Addressing the impact of negative self-talk and external criticisms on self-esteem.
• Sharing personal anecdotes and struggles with self-esteem.
• Strategies for combating negative self-talk, including renewing the mind with truth.
• Encouraging listeners to challenge and replace self-defeating thoughts with affirmations of truth.

Balancing Self-Care and Self-Improvement

• Delving into the fine line between self-care and self-absorption.
• Discussing the potential pitfalls of excessive self-focus in pursuit of improvement.
• Advocating for a balanced approach that includes consideration of others' needs and interests.
• Highlighting the importance of nurturing healthy relationships and community support.

Early Struggles and Expectations:

• Amanda reflects on the early struggles in her marriage, feeling the weight of societal and religious expectations placed upon her as a wife and Christian. The pressure to maintain a facade of perfection made it difficult for her to seek help.

Impact on Family and Identity Crisis:

• She shares the realization of how her marital struggles affected her children, prompting her to prioritize their well-being over societal expectations. Amanda opens up about the identity crisis she experienced when her reactions contradicted her perceived identity.

Overcoming Shame and Seeking Help:

• Despite feelings of shame and embarrassment, Amanda reached a turning point when she recognized the need to prioritize her mental health and seek support for herself and her children.

Discovering Support and Resources:

• Amanda discusses her journey of finding support through programs like Conquer and Walking in Core Strength, which provided her with valuable tools and biblical guidance to navigate through her challenges.

Facing Reality and Acceptance:

• Amanda bravely confronts the reality of her marital situation, acknowledging persistent behavior patterns. Despite the challenges, she maintains hope and resilience, prioritizing personal growth and the well-being of herself and her children.

RESOURCES:  Join Walking in Core Strength: www.leslievernick.com/strength

The Danger of Pornography:

• It's not just a biblical issue; studies in psychology and science show the harmful effects of pornography.
• Pornography can lead to sexual dysfunction, making individuals less responsive to a normal sexual relationship with their partner.
• Internet addiction, including pornography, is causing societal problems, making people less connected and more self-absorbed.

The Objectification and Harm of Women:

• Leslie points out the mistreatment, objectification, and even trafficking of women in the pornography industry.
• She quotes Jesus, who condemned those who harm children, linking this to the harm caused by pornography, especially when children are involved.

Is Pornography Adultery?:

• According to the Bible, adultery is not limited to physical acts; it also includes unfaithfulness and lustful thoughts.
• The reluctance of some churches to equate pornography with adultery may stem from the fear of increasing divorce rates in their congregations.

Addressing Pornography Addiction:

• It's important to learn how to say no to oneself for a higher purpose.
• If one can't be honest about their addiction and seeks to hide it, the lying becomes a deeper issue than the addiction itself.

Masturbation:

• If a partner is unavailable due to injury or illness, self-care may be appropriate. However, using masturbation to avoid intimacy can be harmful to the relationship.

Women and Pornography:

• Pornography is not solely a male issue, as more women are exploring their own sexual desires.
• Leslie highlights the dangers of pornography, emphasizing that it can lead to unhealthy relationships and addiction.

Talking to Children About Pornography:

• Leslie provides advice on how to approach the topic of children watching pornography or exploring their bodies.
• She emphasizes not shaming children but educating them about appropriate boundaries.

Hope for Recovery:

• Leslie offers hope for those affected by pornography addiction, emphasizing the importance of forgiveness and redemption.
• She encourages a path toward honesty and away from deception and addiction.

Support for Spouses:

• Leslie advises spouses not to become consumed with fixing their partner's problem but to address their own emotions and needs.
• It's essential to focus on personal safety, trust, and emotional well-being while being compassionate and supportive.

Both hosts emphasize the importance of recognizing triggers, practicing self-awareness, and advocating for healthy boundaries in relationships as crucial steps toward healing and empowerment.

RESOURCES: Join Walking in Core Strength Andrew Bauman's book, How Not to Be an #ss Christian Counseling Center for Sexual Health & Trauma  Andrew Bauman's Website

In this comprehensive discussion on managing emotions and resolving conflicts, various tools and strategies are explored to navigate challenging conversations and maintain healthy relationships.

Understanding Emotional Responses:

• The conversation begins by acknowledging the complexity of emotional responses, especially in high-conflict situations.
• Emotions like frustration and desperation often arise when individuals feel unheard or invalidated by the other party.

Tools for Emotional Regulation:

• Practical tools are discussed for managing strong emotions during difficult conversations.
• Grounding oneself internally is emphasized, highlighting the importance of not overly relying on external factors for emotional stability.

Preparation for Conflict:

• Prior preparation for conflict is recommended, including affirming internally that one's validation doesn't depend on the other party's approval.
• Setting boundaries around communication and emotional engagement is crucial for maintaining composure during heated discussions.

Biblical Principles in Conflict Resolution:

• The discussion incorporates biblical teachings on conflict resolution, emphasizing the importance of gentle communication and avoiding harsh words.
• Anecdotes are shared to illustrate how calm and empathetic responses can defuse tense situations.

Addressing Lingering Relationship Issues:

• The conversation shifts to addressing unresolved issues within relationships, such as past infidelity.
• The importance of acknowledging the impact of past actions and showing compassion for the affected party is emphasized.

Individual Responsibility vs. Relationship Dynamics:

• While individuals are responsible for their own healing and emotional well-being, genuine efforts from both parties are necessary for resolving relationship issues.
• Seeking professional help for unresolved trauma or emotional distress is encouraged, alongside self-reflection for personal growth.

Conclusion:

• This comprehensive discussion underscores the importance of self-awareness, boundary-setting, and compassionate communication in navigating challenging conversations and resolving conflicts within relationships.
• Practical strategies are integrated with biblical principles to provide a holistic approach to emotional regulation and conflict resolution.

Resources: Sign up for Walking in Core Strength - www.leslievernick.com/strength

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

JADE stands for Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain, a tool to recognize unproductive patterns in arguments.

BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm, a method for managing communication in contentious situations.

1. Understanding Core Strength: Diana explains how Walking in Core Strength focuses on nurturing maturity and rediscovering one's identity rooted in Christ.
2. Unveiling Destructive Patterns: Learn how the program helps women identify and challenge destructive beliefs and behaviors.
3. Cultivating Empowerment: Discover the importance of setting healthy boundaries and taking responsibility for personal growth and well-being.
4. Embracing Faith and Transformation: Hear about the supportive community and deep Christian fellowship that participants experience in the program.
5. Taking the Next Step: Interested listeners can sign up for Walking in Core Strength at www.leslievernick.com/strength and embark on a journey of faith-based empowerment and transformation.

Join Julie and Diana as they explore the life-changing potential of Walking in Core Strength and invite Christian women to step into a renewed sense of purpose and freedom.

To learn more and sign up for the program, visit www.leslievernick.com/strength.

In this episode, we discuss a question regarding reconciliation after a 34-year marriage marred by issues of pornography and verbal abuse. Despite the challenges, both individuals have made personal progress over the years and are now contemplating the possibility of reuniting.

Key Points:

1. Assessing Individual Growth:

   • One crucial aspect is evaluating individual growth and whether both parties have made positive changes over the years.
   • It's essential to consider if the person seeking reconciliation has demonstrated genuine efforts to address past issues, such as seeking therapy or counseling.

2. Exploring Expectations:

   • Questions about expectations for the future arise, including whether the desire to reconcile stems from genuine personal growth or external pressures.
   • Both individuals should reflect on their personal desires and needs, independent of society's or family's expectations.

3. Establishing Boundaries:

   • Setting boundaries is crucial, especially regarding behaviors that contributed to the initial separation, such as pornography use or verbal abuse.
   • Both parties must demonstrate respect for each other's boundaries and be willing to uphold them consistently.

4. Testing Compatibility:

   • Before considering moving back in together, it's advisable to test compatibility through short-term arrangements or trial periods.
   • Spending extended time together, such as weekends or vacations, can provide insight into whether reconciliation is viable in the long run.

5. Prioritizing Self-Care:

   • Individuals should prioritize their own well-being and personal growth throughout the reconciliation process.
   • This includes maintaining boundaries, seeking support from a community or therapist, and engaging in self-reflection.

Conclusion: Deciding whether to reconcile after a significant separation involves careful introspection, communication, and a commitment to personal growth. It's essential for both parties to prioritize their well-being and assess compatibility before making any long-term decisions.

Resources:

• Video: When to Separate and When to Reconcile
• For men seeking resources on personal growth and relationship improvement, Chris Moles and Andrew Bauman offer valuable insights and support.
• Books such as "How Not to Be a Jerk in Your Marriage" by Andrew Bauman provide practical guidance for men navigating relationship challenges and personal growth.
• The book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 can help individuals develop emotional intelligence and strengthen interpersonal relationships.
• If you are a man who wants to change: video. 

Disclaimer: Individual circumstances vary, and the decision to reconcile should be based on careful consideration of personal needs, boundaries, and compatibility. 

Introduction

• Introduce the episode with a brief overview of the topic and the guest, Mark Savage.
• Highlight the significance of rebuilding trust in a relationship and the journey towards becoming a trustworthy person.

Mark Savage's Personal Journey

• Discuss Mark's personal journey of transformation and the challenges he faced.
• Emphasize the commitment and difficulty involved in making profound changes.

Jill's Growth and "Inviting with Love"

• Explain how Jill, Mark's spouse, played a crucial role in their healing journey.
• Discuss Jill's commitment to personal growth and her approach of "inviting with love" to encourage Mark's return home.

Rebuilding Trust and Accountability

• Explore the strategies and decisions Mark and Jill implemented to rebuild trust.
• Highlight their commitment to healthy conflict resolution and open communication.
• Mention their practice of reading books together to facilitate growth and understanding.
• Explain the shift in accountability, where Mark took more responsibility for his actions and decisions.

Becoming Trustworthy and Embracing Strengths

• Discuss Mark's personal transformation, his self-acceptance, and newfound confidence.
• Highlight the importance of celebrating each other's strengths within a marriage.
• Emphasize the evolution from rebuilding trust to becoming trustworthy.

Connecting with Mark and Jill

• Direct listeners to Mark and Jill's website, MarkandJill.org, for more information on their ministries, courses, and resources.
• Provide Mark's email address, mark@JamSavageMinistries.org, for direct contact and inquiries.

Closing Prayer

• Share a heartfelt prayer for the podcast listeners, asking for hope, grace, and mercy in their journeys.
• Conclude with a message of hope, highlighting the possibility of breaking free from destructive relationship patterns.

Sign up for Leslie's free webinar Tuesday, February 13th. Just go to: www.leslievernick.com/OK www.MarkandJill.org 

I Really Messed Up and No More Perfect Marriages books can be found at www.MarkandJill.org/books

www.rebuildingtrust.us  

www.markandjill.org

mark@jamsavageministries.org 

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)

• Traci opens up about her traumatic childhood, raised by a single mother who struggled with addiction and neglect.

• She shares how her early life experiences, including abuse and gaslighting from her mother, influenced her perceptions of relationships.

• Traci talks about her first marriage, which ended amicably, and how she entered her second marriage with hope and optimism.

• She discusses the red flags she overlooked in her second marriage, such as her husband's emotional unavailability and inappropriate relationships with other women.

• Traci highlights the importance of seeking counseling and finding support when facing a destructive marriage.

• She reflects on her journey of self-discovery, growth, and faith in God, leading to her healing and peace.

Traci's story is a testament to resilience and the power of faith and self-worth in overcoming challenging circumstances.

Understanding Anger:

• Julie discusses the challenges faced by individuals dealing with a spouse's sexual addiction.
• Leslie emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and addressing anger as a valid emotion in this situation.

Part 1: Dealing with Anger

• Leslie shares insights on how individuals can manage their anger constructively when facing a spouse's sexual addiction.
• The discussion covers the significance of not suppressing anger and finding healthy outlets for it.
• Suggestions include venting to a friend, counselor, or support group, as well as engaging in activities like writing, physical exercise, or even crying to release emotional tension.
• The importance of recognizing that anger is a signal that something is wrong and can provide the energy needed for positive change is emphasized.
• Retaliating against the spouse's actions is discouraged, and the focus is on constructive ways to handle anger.

Part 2: Seeking Help and Making Choices

• The conversation emphasizes the need for support and the importance of setting boundaries to protect one's well-being.
• Encouragement is given to the spouse with the addiction to seek help and support.
• Leslie addresses the question of whether it's possible for someone to truly overcome sexual addiction and explains the need for ongoing support and accountability.
• The importance of making choices and reframing one's perspective is discussed.
• A shift from asking, "Why is this happening to me?" to "Why is this happening for me?" is encouraged.
• The conclusion emphasizes that individuals are capable of handling difficult situations and emotions and encourages seeking support and resources to cope with anger while navigating this challenging journey.

Conclusion:

• Individuals can do hard things, and there are people willing to help them through it.

Resources:

Leslie's Quick Start Guide

She Deserves Better by Sheila Gregoire

1. Advice for Women in Conservative Churches

   • Find a trustworthy female within the church to confide in.
   • Seek someone who embodies godliness and can provide a receptive ear.
   • Avoid putting the burden of finding the perfect words or expression on victims.

2. The Role of Humility in Pastors

   • Pastors must have humility when dealing with abuse cases.
   • Be aware of the woman's perspective if she is to speak to the elders. Ways to help her feel safe.

3. Training and Awareness

   • The growth of awareness and training in seminaries and conservative circles.
   • Upcoming training opportunities and resources for pastors and church leaders.
   • Importance of knowing local resources specializing in domestic abuse.

4. Creating Safety Plans

   • Encouragement for pastors to receive proper training and create safety plans.
   • The impact of creating safety plans for victims and changing their perspective.
   • Encouragement for pastors to embrace the labor of love in opposing evil and upholding good.

Conclusion:

• Encouragement for pastors and church leaders to seek training and knowledge in addressing domestic abuse.
• The importance of creating a safe and supportive environment within conservative churches.

Additional Resources:

• "When Home Hurts: A Guide for Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Church," by Greg Wilson and Jeremy Pierre
• Peaceworks Live 2024
• Quick Start Guide

• Discovering the Betrayal

  • Dee's life as a pastor's wife and the shock of discovering her husband's affair.
  • The initial emotions of hurt, anger, and confusion.
  • The difficulty of facing infidelity within the confines of the church community.

• Seeking Support and Clarity

  • Dee's decision to reach out to her pastor for guidance and support.
  • The disappointment of the pastor's response and the need to find alternative help.
  • Her discovery of the Conquer program and how it provided clarity in a confusing situation.

• Taking Control of Her Life

  • Dee's realization that she had the power to make choices for her future.
  • The importance of separating herself from an unhealthy relationship.
  • The role of Conquer and her faith in helping her regain control and self-worth.

• Forgiveness and Moving Forward

  • Dee's journey towards forgiveness and understanding its different layers.
  • The distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation.
  • How staying close to God and finding a supportive church community helped her heal.

• Conclusion

  • Dee's message to those facing infidelity: Seek support, stay close to God, and remember your worth.
  • Her story is a testament to resilience, faith, and the possibility of finding healing after betrayal.

Resources:

Leslie Vernick's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start

• Encouragement from Survivors
• Emphasizing God's Love and Divine Plans

Overcoming Challenges

• Staying the Course
• Trusting God and Finding Hope

Freedom and Self-Worth

• Embracing Freedom and Self-Worth in Christ
• The Importance of Recognizing Your Value

Seek Help and Build Relationships

• The Power of Seeking Support
• Building a Support Network

Focus on Children

• Prioritizing Children's Well-being
• Empowering Children in Challenging Situations

Dealing with Betrayal Trauma

• Addressing Sexual Addiction and Betrayal Trauma
• Encouraging Help-Seeking and Resources

Taking Time for Healing

• Practicing Self-Compassion
• Allowing Time for Healing and Growth

Finding Hope

• Offering Empathy and Understanding
• The Promise of Transformation and Renewal

Conclusion

• Empowering Women to Become Conquerors

In this episode Leslie and Julie share some Christmas memories and some practical advice, especially for those who find this to be a difficult holiday.

The Gift of Presence: Leslie emphasizes the importance of preparation and the opportunity to create a more positive Christmas experience. She recommends starting the day with gratitude and setting intentions for how you want to feel.

Leslie explains the significance of recognizing that God is in you and with you. She also explains how to use breath as a tool to calm the body and switch thoughts when negative emotions arise.

Finding Hope in Christmas: Julie shares a personal experience of finding hope in Christmas after the loss of a loved one. She emphasizes the importance of intentionally focusing on what Christmas represents, even during difficult times.

God's Presence Among Us: Leslie shares a powerful story from her experiences in the Philippines, where she encountered people living along railroad tracks in cardboard shacks. She draws a parallel between Jesus' humble birth in a manger and the way God lived among the lowly.

Closing Thoughts: We hope you will make meaningful Christmas memories, even in challenging circumstances. We wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas.

Leslie and Julie discuss what purity culture is and its impact on individuals.

Defining Purity Culture:

Purity culture is rooted in the belief that sex outside of marriage is wrong, based on biblical teachings. It emphasizes the importance of keeping oneself sexually pure until marriage and the sanctity of the marital relationship. God designed marriage to be a safe and trusting environment for raising healthy children and enjoying sexual pleasure within the bounds of commitment.

Purity Culture Practices:

Purity culture often includes practices like purity rings, purity proms, and events where fathers give their daughters purity rings. Young girls pledge to abstain from any form of physical intimacy until marriage.

The culture places the burden of maintaining sexual integrity mainly on women, with the notion that men struggle with self-control and must be protected from temptation through modest dress.

Impact on Women's Self-esteem:

Purity culture can lead to many negative consequences, such as deeply wounding women's self-esteem. Women who have had sexual experiences outside of marriage or have been victims of abuse may be made to feel like they are "damaged goods."

The culture can perpetuate the idea that a woman's worth is tied to her sexual purity, leading to emotional distress and low self-esteem for those who "don't keep the standard."

Marriage and "One Flesh" Teaching:

Some individuals were taught that, if they had sex before marriage, they were already married in God's eyes, which led to unhappy marriages. Leslie and Julie express their disapproval of this teaching, emphasizing that one mistake doesn't justify making another.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment, but marrying someone who is untrustworthy or unsafe is not the solution to past mistakes or abuses.

Consequences of Purity Culture:

• Purity culture can create unrealistic expectations about sex within marriage.
• Some women have faced blame for their husbands' infidelity or pornography use if they don't meet certain sexual expectations.
• The culture can lead to a skewed sense of responsibility and guilt, especially in cases of sexual abuse or rape.

Dressing Modestly and Respect:

The conversation touches on the importance of dressing modestly and respecting oneself.

While dressing modestly can help prevent unwanted attention, a person's behavior and choices are their own responsibility. No one invites rape through their clothing choices, and the focus should be on respecting oneself rather than preventing others from thinking inappropriate thoughts.

Overcoming Guilt and Shame:

Women who feel burdened by guilt and shame due to past mistakes are encouraged to make empowered choices moving forward. Making a mistake doesn't define one's worth or future; it's an opportunity for growth and learning.

"Stupid tax" is the price we pay for our mistakes, and it's crucial to learn from those experiences.

Balancing Teaching in the Home:

Parents need to have open and honest discussions with their children about sex, relationships, boundaries, and self-respect. Teach children to value themselves and their bodies, emphasizing the importance of making conscious and respectful choices.

Parents should help their children understand that they have control over their bodies and should exercise self-control.

Church's Role in Teaching:

The discussion touches on the role of the church in teaching abstinence and purity. Churches should model healthy relationships and provide education on respect, boundaries, and conflict resolution. Youth pastors can play a crucial role in educating teens about healthy relationships and values.

Equality in Relationships:

It's crucial that both males and females are taught that they are made in God's image and deserve respect and dignity.

Toxic masculinity and toxic femininity within the church are issues that need to be addressed. The focus should be on fostering healthy relationships and values, not on controlling or objectifying individuals.

Sins and Cherry-picking:

The discussion explores the idea that some sins are prioritized over others within the church.

All sins should be addressed, not just those related to sexual purity. Gluttony and abuse of power are examples of sins that are sometimes overlooked.

It's important to remember that God's rules are for our well-being, not to restrict us.

Boundaries and Freedom:

God's rules are guidelines for our well-being, rather than limitations on our freedom. Understanding why these rules exist can help individuals embrace them with a positive perspective.

Resources:

Join Empowered to Change: www.leslievernick.com/change

Introduction

• Welcome back to the Empowered Podcast.
• In this episode, we delve into the topics of managing anger and guarding your heart during challenging moments.
• Leslie and Elise share valuable insights and practical advice.

Handling Anger in Parenting

• Leslie shares a personal story of her teenage son challenging her.
• Emphasizes not letting emotions hijack your values as a parent.
• Discusses the impact of emotions on self-esteem and personal story.

Releasing Anger in a Healthy Way

• Elise provides tips on releasing anger from your body in a healthy way.
• Deep breathing and prayerfulness in the moment are essential.
• Physical activities like running or ice water submersion to calm the nervous system.
• Writing letters as a form of emotional release.

Communicating with Children About Anger

• Discussing how to communicate with children about anger, especially in challenging situations like divorce.
• Emphasizing age-appropriate communication.
• Modeling healthy self-care and conflict resolution.
• Encouraging honesty without oversharing.

Guarding Your Heart During Divorce

• Addressing a listener's question about guarding their heart during divorce, especially in shared church settings.
• Stressing the importance of protecting your heart and maintaining discretion.
• Not feeling guilty about setting emotional boundaries.

Conclusion

• Practical advice on managing anger, communicating with children, and guarding your heart during difficult times.
• Prioritizing self-care and emotional well-being.
• Join us in the next episode for more empowering insights.

Resources:

Join Empowered to Change: www.leslievernick.com/empowered

Understanding Financial Abuse

• Financial abuse involves controlling or manipulating a partner's access to money and resources.
• Leslie highlights the importance of recognizing the signs of financial abuse, such as limiting access to funds, monitoring spending, or making unilateral financial decisions.

The Impact of Financial Abuse

• Financial abuse has far-reaching consequences, affecting not only your finances but also your emotional and psychological well-being.
• Leslie emphasizes the need to acknowledge the seriousness of financial abuse and its potential to trap victims in unhealthy relationships.

Signs of Financial Abuse

• Leslie provides a detailed list of common signs of financial abuse, including withholding money, sabotaging employment, and forcing financial dependence.
• Understanding these signs can help individuals identify if they are in an abusive relationship.

Breaking Free from Financial Abuse

• Breaking free from financial abuse requires careful planning and support.
• Leslie advises listeners to gather evidence, seek legal counsel, and create a safety plan when considering leaving an abusive relationship.
• She highlights the importance of having a support network and a therapist to help cope with the emotional challenges.

Navigating Financial Conversations

• Open and honest communication is essential for addressing financial abuse.
• Leslie offers strategies for initiating conversations with an abusive partner and setting boundaries.
• She encourages seeking professional help, such as couples counseling, to address underlying issues.

Empowering Yourself Financially

• Financial empowerment involves taking control of your finances and planning for your future.
• Leslie recommends consulting with a financial advisor to gain clarity on your financial situation.
• She emphasizes the importance of setting financial goals and becoming self-sufficient.

Legal Protection and Resources

• Leslie advises victims of financial abuse to consult with an attorney to understand their legal rights and options.
• She highlights the role of restraining orders and protective orders in ensuring safety.
• Leslie also encourages individuals to access local resources and support organizations for help.

Healing and Recovery

• Healing from the trauma of financial abuse takes time and self-compassion.
• Leslie emphasizes the importance of seeking therapy or counseling to address emotional scars.
• She offers encouragement to survivors, reminding them that healing is possible.

Encouragement and Prayer

• Leslie concludes with words of encouragement and a heartfelt prayer for those facing financial abuse.
• She encourages listeners to take proactive steps toward healing and freedom.

Resources:

Remember that you have choices, and there are resources and support available to help you on your journey to healing and empowerment.

To join Empowered to Change: www.leslievernick.com/story

Key Takeaways:

1. The Importance of Forgiveness:

   • Rose Ann emphasizes that forgiveness is not only about forgiving others but also forgiving oneself. It is a cornerstone of the healing process.
   • When God forgives, He wipes the slate clean and remembers our sins no more, allowing us to move forward without the burden of our past mistakes.

2. Breaking Free from Shame:

   • Rose Ann explains that genuine forgiveness, as God intends it, releases us from the shame and guilt associated with our past actions.
   • She draws parallels to the Apostle Paul, who acknowledged his past sins but no longer felt the shame and self-hatred associated with them after experiencing God's forgiveness.

3. Healthy Self-Care and Transformation:

   • Rose Ann highlights the significance of healthy self-care as an alternative to self-destructive behaviors like excessive drinking or substance abuse.
   • She shares her personal journey of realizing that alcohol was negatively affecting her health and well-being, leading her to prioritize self-care.

4. Challenging Destructive Habits:

   • Rose Ann recommends taking a 90-day challenge to go alcohol-free as a form of self-care. This challenge allows individuals to observe positive changes in their physical and emotional well-being.
   • She emphasizes that it's not about completely forgetting the past but rather breaking free from the emotional baggage associated with it.

5. Understanding Habitual Sin:

   • Rose Ann discusses the concept of habitual sin, where certain behaviors or substances become destructive and steal one's time, talent, and treasure.
   • She encourages individuals to recognize when these behaviors are negatively impacting their lives and seek a healthier path.

6. Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships:

   • Rose Ann compares the destructive relationship with alcohol to toxic human relationships. She advises recognizing the similarities and the need to break free from both.
   • Healthy self-care and self-awareness can help individuals distance themselves from destructive habits and relationships.

7. You Are Not Alone:

   • Rose Ann offers support and encouragement to anyone struggling with substance abuse or destructive behaviors, assuring them that they are not alone in their journey.

Conclusion: Forgiveness, whether of oneself or others, is a pivotal component of healing and growth. Rose Ann's insights shed light on how forgiveness can free us from the shackles of shame and lead to a more fulfilling and purposeful life. Taking steps toward healthy self-care and challenging destructive habits can pave the way for transformation and self-discovery. Remember, you are not alone in your journey, and God's forgiveness and love are always available to guide you towards a brighter future.

Resources:

Rose Ann's Daily devotional

Rose Ann's Website

Sign up for Leslie's FREE Webinar: www.leslievernick.com/story

• Mentorship from a couple within her denomination.
• Realizing her right to financial independence.
• Support in confronting deception in her marriage.
• Involvement of church leadership in her marital issues.

The Power of Supportive Community

• Joining a Bible study and a revealing conversation about divorce.
• Articulating the decision to leave her abusive marriage.
• Difficulty in deciding to leave due to various abuses endured.
• Recognizing the abuse with the help of a friend.

A New Beginning

• Pursuit of educational growth, including a bachelor's and master's degree.
• Commitment to a slow and steady approach to personal growth.
• Desire to help others find their strengths and break destructive cycles.

 Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAG)

• The role of the Conquer program in setting and achieving BHAGs.
• Importance of utilizing resources like Conquer and courses by Leslie Vernick.
• Developing a clearer sense of identity and purpose.

Overcoming Self-Doubt

• Sharing a poignant poem from 2008 reflecting past self-perception.
• Contrasting past self with the empowered woman she has become.
• Flourishing comes with a price but is worth pursuing.

Resources: www.leslievernick.com

Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start

• Leslie and Julie discuss the challenge of identifying abusive behavior in relationships, even when it occurs infrequently.
• They emphasize the common tendency to believe the best about people while acknowledging that everyone has flaws and dark sides.

Segment 2: Evaluating Responses

• The importance of evaluating the husband's response when he acts abusively.
• Unhealthy responses, such as blame shifting and deflection, are signs of an unhealthy, controlling person.
• Leslie contrasts these unhealthy responses with healthy ones, emphasizing that healthy individuals take responsibility for their actions.

Segment 3: Biblical Examples

• Biblical examples, specifically David and Saul, to illustrate different responses to wrongdoing.
• David owns his mistakes and his repentance stands in contrast to Saul's blame shifting and excuses.

Segment 4: Assessing Patterns

• Leslie introduces the concept of assessing patterns in abusive behavior.
• Ask specific questions to determine when the abusive behavior first occurred, the most recent incident, the worst occurrence, and typical patterns.
• Recognizing these patterns, especially if they are increasing in frequency and intensity, becomes crucial.

Segment 5: Taking Action

• Practical advice on taking action to address abusive behavior.
• The importance of finding safe ways to remove oneself from potentially dangerous situations and encourage open communication about the need for change and boundaries.

Segment 6: Making Decisions

• The importance of making decisions about what is healthy and acceptable in a relationship.
• "Normal" does not always equate to what is good or right and encourage reflection on personal boundaries and values.

Segment 7: Manipulation and Love Bombing

• The difference between genuine good behavior and charm used for manipulative purposes, urging listeners to discern their partner's true character.

Conclusion: Prioritizing Well-being

• The significance of recognizing patterns, evaluating responses, and taking appropriate action in response to abusive behavior.
• The importance of prioritizing safety and well-being and invite listeners to seek support when needed.