Through personal stories about parenting, childhood passions, sibling dynamics, and evolving career paths, they reflect on the importance of allowing young people the freedom to grow, pivot, and surprise us. The conversation touches on intrinsic motivation, the difference between genuine passion and externally imposed expectations, and how gifts and talents can both ground us and become tangled with self-worth.

Sheryl and Victoria also explore the tension between encouraging perseverance and honoring a child’s authentic sense of self, sharing examples of how identity can unfold in unexpected ways. Along the way, they discuss multi-potentiality, growth mindset, perfectionism, gender expectations, and the deep human need to feel seen, valued, and free to contain multitudes.

References:

Other Gathering Gold episodes:

• You Do Not Have to Be Good

Films:

• High School Musical (2006)
• Whiplash (2014)

Books:

• Mindset by Carol Dweck

Music:

• “Mirrorball,” by Taylor Swift

TED Talk:

• Why Some Of Us Don’t Have One True Calling

We discuss how shifting attention from family to peers can deepen feelings of rejection, while also opening the door to more meaningful friendships and self-expression. 

We share how important it was for us to feel truly seen at this age—especially by supportive adults—and how small moments of recognition became lifelong anchors. 

In searching for the gold within them, we discover how these "middle" years are not just a time to endure, but a formative, tender, and transformative chapter that shapes who we become.

References:

• “Don’t You Dare Teach My Daughter to Fear the Forest” by TY Chambers
• Dire Straights podcast episode: "Jeffrey Epstein, Les Wexner, and the 90s Mall"
• The Genius Myth by Michael Meade

Going to a religious service? Connecting with nature? Meditating?

There are so many ways to connect of a sense of something bigger than ourselves. There is one vital pathways that is sometimes overlooked: Connecting with each other.

In today's episode, we're exploring how connecting with other people -- both real and imaginal, in our memories and in the here-and-now -- can help us grow stronger and softer, safer and braver, more present and more expansive.

References:

Other Gathering Gold and Conscious Transitions work:

• Gathering Gold episode on "Spiritual Longing"
• Sheryl's course "Open Your Heart: A 30-Day Course to Feel More Love and Attraction for Your Partner"

Comedy

• John Mulaney on "Stranger Danger"
• Tig Notaro's "Hello, I have cancer"

Quotes

• Mr. Rogers: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
• Maya Angelou:

  “I’ve had a lot of clouds, but I have had so many rainbows…..and one of the things I do when I step up on a stage, when I stand up to translate, when I go to teach my classes, when I go to direct a movie, I bring everyone who has ever been kind to me with me.”

  “Black, White, Asian, Spanish-speaking, Native American, Gay, Straight, everybody. I say come with me — I’m going on this stage. Come with me. I need you now. Long dead….you see.. so I don’t ever feel, I have no help.” “I’ve had rainbows in my clouds.and the thing to do it seems to me… Is to prepare yourself so that you can be a rainbow in somebody else’s cloud."

• William Blake: “I sought my God and my God I couldn't find; I sought my soul and my soul eluded me; I sought to serve my brother in his need, and I found all three; My God, my soul, and thee.”

Music

• "People Get Back Up" by Mae Martin

Join us on Patreon for bonus content and virtual gatherings: patreon.com/gatheringgold

Some of our recent bonus episodes include:

Victoria's Psychotropic Experience | The Slipstream of Time | Give and Receiving - Shudder - Feedback | The Problem with Pedestals | Are Intrusive Thoughts like Stray Cats?

Many highly sensitive souls have uttered these words at one time or another. Perhaps we've said them recently, as we watched neighbors move away, or babies grow into toddlers, or winter slip into spring.

Maybe we haven't dared speak them aloud since childhood, decades ago, when someone rolled their eyes in response and told us to buck up.

In today's episode, we are exploring the contours of change--the good, the hard, the heartbreaking, and the joyful. How can we meet our growing pains and open our hearts with tenderness and compassion amidst the inevitable winds of change?

References:

Related Gathering Gold Episodes...

...about Time:

• The Passage of Time
• How to Slow Down Time

...about Receiving:

Why It's Hard to Receive Good Things

...about Objects:

• Artifacts of the Heart
• Bonus episode: Emotional Support for Spring Cleaning 

Books

ACT Made Simple by Dr. Russ Harris

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

Poetry

“Mysteries, Yes” by Mary Oliver

Films

Toy Story (1995)

Music

• “La La Lu” from Lady and the Tramp
• “All Things Must Pass” by George Harrison
• “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac
• “A Change is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke

Join us on Patreon for bonus content and virtual gatherings: patreon.com/gatheringgold

Some of our recent bonus episodes include:

Victoria's Psychotropic Experience | The Slipstream of Time | Give and Receiving - Shudder - Feedback | The Problem with Pedestals | Are Intrusive Thoughts like Stray Cats?

In this special episode, we are sharing our recent webinar with Daev Finn, an artist, psychotherapist, and Sheryl's loving husband. 

After years working as a visual effects artist, Daev realized it was time for a change, and he made the transition to become a psychotherapist. Here, he reflects on the personal demons and dreams that pulled him from and to this path, the influence of art and myth on this work, and the process of unlearning much of what he was taught about what it means to be a man. 

You can find out more about Daev's work at his website and contact him by email at daev.finn@icloud.com

References:

Psychology & Myth

• Jung & the collective unconscious

• The Hero’s Journey – Joseph Campbell

• Bill Moyers Special: Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth

Daev's Writing

• "Attending to Unfinished Business is the Work of a Lifetime"

Films

• Hamnet
• Train Dreams

Music

• "On the Nature of Daylight," from The Blue Notebooks

Related Gathering Gold and Perennials Episodes

• The Father Wound

• Fairy Tales by the Fireside

• Self-Care, Community-Care with Dr. Kesha Moore

Join us on Patreon for bonus content and virtual gatherings: patreon.com/gatheringgold

Some of our recent bonus episodes include:

Victoria's Psychotropic Experience | The Slipstream of Time | Give and Receiving - Shudder - Feedback | The Problem with Pedestals | Are Intrusive Thoughts like Stray Cats?

What if the meteoric rise of the romantasy genre isn’t about fae courts and dragon riders—but about our deepest and most human longings?

Romantasy has taken the publishing world by storm. While some dismiss these stories as escapist fantasy, we believe their deeper power lies in how they illuminate the human heart.

In this series on the alchemy of romantasy, we explore the mythic and psychological currents running through books like A Court of Thorns and Roses and Fourth Wing. Through the lenses of Jung and the Hero’s (and Heroine's) Journey, we examine the desire to individuate, to be truly seen, to claim inner sovereignty, to find belonging, security, and freedom—and to join with a soulmate who honors the self we are becoming.

Join us as we ask why these stories resonate so profoundly right now, and what they reveal about who we are.

References:

Books & Series

• A Court of Thorns and Roses and A Court of Mist and Fury – Sarah J. Maas

• Fourth Wing – Rebecca Yarros

Psychology & Myth

• Enneagram 4 type

• Jung & the collective unconscious

• The Hero’s Journey – Joseph Campbell

Pop Culture

• Moana

• Frozen

• Monica Lewinsky’s podcast 

Related Gathering Gold Episodes

• Escape Hatch Fantasies

• What Could Have Been

• You Do Not Have to Be Good

• Bonus: Books that Changed Us

Join us on Patreon for bonus content and virtual gatherings: patreon.com/gatheringgold

Some of our recent bonus episodes include:

What Sheryl Forgot and Victoria's Experiment | The Slipstream of Time | Give and Receiving - Shudder - Feedback | The Problem with Pedestals | Are Intrusive Thoughts like Stray Cats?

How do we anchor our bodies in the warmth of true safety, of acceptance that frees us to open up to life and all it has to offer?

Sheryl explores themes of body shame, body love, and so much more in her course Sacred Sexuality. Registration for the next round closes on January 31st, and listeners of podcast can get a 10% discount with the code BodyLove-GG. Members of our Patreon community can find a code for 20% off over at our Patreon page.

In today's episode, lifelong daily journaler Sheryl and never-journaler Victoria talk about the intentions and mindsets behind healthy, helpful journaling; the pitfalls of perfectionism; why Sheryl doesn't use a special, "beautiful" notebook for journaling; and two particular methods that Sheryl suggests for effective, supportive journaling. 

References:

• 10 Percent Happier podcast episode: The Science Of Journaling: How Writing Reduces Overthinking, Rumination, And Anxiety with Dr. James Pennebaker
• The Country Commonplace Book by Miranda Hills
• Dear America and Royal Diaries series
• 10 Percent Happier podcast episode "How to Handle Your Inner Critic," with Amita Schmidt
• Internal Family Systems therapy
• Sheryl's book The Wisdom of Anxiety
• Morning Pages practice from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

* * *

“Energy moves in waves. Waves move in patterns. Patterns move in rhythms. A human being is just that, energy, waves, patterns, rhythms. Nothing more. Nothing less. A dance.” --Gabrielle. Roth

Our heartbeat. Our breath. Our steps along the sidewalk. Our life happens in rhythms--breath by breath, heartbeat by heartbeat, step by step. We move in and out of seasons, feel a shift in tempo as our energy levels ebb and flow, fall into connection and disconnection with those around us. 

In today's episode, we are exploring what it means to "live in the rhythm" of life, why it can be so hard in our contemporary culture, and how turning towards the natural world can invite us back into a dance that is humane and enlivening. 

References:

• Wise Child, by Monica Furlong
• Gabrille Roth's 5Rhythms
• Mark Nepo
• Kelsy Leonard, "Why lakes and rivers should have the same rights as humans"
• The Nature of Reading Bookshop
• Carl Jung’s theory of the collective unconscious 

References:

• Gathering Gold episode "How to Slow Down Time"
• William Carlos Williams poem "The Red Wheelbarrow"

The holidays are here already? It's almost the end of 2025? Didn't the year just begin?!

In a culture that begins celebrating Christmas before trick-or-treaters have even begun knocking on doors, this sense of rush and speed is amplified at every turn.

In today's episode, we are exploring the question: how do we slow down time? How do we shift our relationship to time, enter into deeper presence and flow, and savor all that we have--the present moment?

References:

• Saving Time: Discovering a Life Beyond the Clock and How to Do Nothing, by Jenny Odell
• "Stop This Train," by John Mayer

Sheryl and Victoria name the historical, cultural, and societal influences behind the word "nag" or "nagging," which cannot be uncoupled from patriarchy and capitalism, then circle back to this question: when we are with a loving partner who is doing their best and trying to meet us halfway, and we still find ourselves quick to nitpick, criticize, and attempt to control them, how can we regain intentionality and find spaciousness to chart a healthier path forward? 

References:

• Sheryl’s course “Open Your Heart: A 30-Day Course to Feel More Love and Attraction for Your Partner,” starting on November 15, 2025.

Meaning making. Connecting to breath. Aligning with nature. So many actions, big and small, can help us dig a little deeper into the soil of time, anchor ourselves against the buffeting winds of change and demands, especially as we shift into a new season.  

We recorded this conversation in front of a live virtual audience of Patreon community members, opening up the second half of the episode for group discussion on the topic of rooting into autumn. 

We are so grateful to the insightful, compassionate members who added their wisdom about steadying ourselves amidst the busy-ness of autumn.

How will you send some energy to your roots today?

References:

Rooted, by Lyanda Lynn Haupt

How do we meet all of the limitless forms of beauty and loss, gratitude and grief? What does autumn have to teach us about what it means to be human in this heartbreaking gift of a world?

Don't forget to check out Sheryl's 9-Month Course: Break Free from Anxiety, which explores these myths and many other messages, stories, cognitions, and experiences that create and inflame anxiety. 

References:

• Sheryl's 9 Month Course: Break Free from Anxiety
• It's a Wonderful Life: Mary the Old Maid clip 
• Book Lovers, by Emily Henry
• Mothers and Other Fictional Characters: A Memoir in Essays, by Nicole Graev Lipson
• Sheryl's appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show

That if you could just find the one right lifestyle and location for you, your life would be all shimmer and shine?

That you should just find life and adulthood easier? That everyone else finds it easier?

These are myths about life that have their fingerprints all over our psyches.

They weigh on us and dredge up feelings of not-enoughness, pulling us away from the present moment and into traps of comparison and wishful thinking. These are the myths that we are unpacking and dispelling in today's episode, inspired by Sheryl's upcoming course: Break Free from Anxiety: A 9-Month Course on the Art of Living (which begins September 20, 2025). 

Stay tuned for Part 2, a discussion of three more myths!

References:

• Gathering Gold episodes about Escape Hatch Fantasies, Dropping into Your Body, and The Goodness of Ordinary Life
• Mothers and Other Fictional Characters: A Memoir in Essays, by Nicole Graev Lipson

Now it's not just the local Joneses that we're trying to measure up to, but the influencers on Instagram, high school acquaintances that we still follow on Facebook, our past selves and our future potential. 

Comparison has always been the thief of joy, but in the digital media landscape, its storm cloud looms larger and darker than ever.

How can we turn down the volume on this constant humming force?

How can we soften in the places we feel aren't measuring up? 

How can we turn our yardstick into a compass pointing us to our own sense of peace?

These are the questions we're dancing with in today's episode.

In today's episode, we are unpacking what it means to feel truly safe in a friendship. What qualities do we look for and offer to our friends in order to create a container of deep love and security? What are the values that we orient towards when we find a kindred spirit and realize we simply love them because we love them? And, perhaps most importantly, how do we repair when something shakes the foundation we have worked so hard to build?

In today's episode, we discuss joy as not a luxury but a necessity; joy as an act of resistance and a fraternal twin to grief; how joy lies hidden just beneath the surface of ordinary, everyday magic; and how we can tap into that magic with subtle shifts in our choices and perspective. 

References:

• Sheryl’s new course: Reclaiming Joy 
• Why It’s Hard to Receive Good Things
• Adding Good Things
• The Healing Anxiety Workbook

Join us on Patreon for bonus content and virtual gatherings: patreon.com/gatheringgold

How can OCD be both meaningless and meaningful at the same time? What messages might OCD be trying to deliver to us, if we only know how to listen? All of this and more in today's episode.

In a world where so many people are lacking basic survival needs and systems of care, we wrestle with dueling feelings of fear and guilt, aware that "it could be worse," and yet, struggling to feel into the fullness that we sense is right here, if only we could reach out and touch it.

So, what is true abundance? And how do we contact it?

That's what we're exploring in today's episode.

References:

• The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu
• Gathering Gold Bonus Episode: "What’s for Dinner?"
• Documentary Happy (2012)
• The Soul of Money by Lynn Twist
• Gathering Gold episode "The Goodness of Ordinary Life"

In this episode, we're responding to our patron Jenny's question about how to deal with the discomfort and fear that comes along with stretching our comfort zones.

We talk about values-based actions, purpose and meaning, our individual window of tolerance, and the importance of self-compassion.

Visit patreon.com/gatheringgold to gain access to 30+ bonus episodes, with new ones coming out each month! 

Today, we take a moment to pause and reflect on what it has meant to commit to this podcast for four years and regularly make trips together to fill up from a well of nourishing waters--waters of deep listening, conversation, reflection, and compassion. We talk about how and why we have tried to make this podcast a refuge, how it has impacted our relationship as family/friends/collaborators, and in what ways it has changed our own behavior and ways of thinking.

We hope this episode inspires you to take a moment to pause, appreciate, and reflect on one of your own commitments in life, how it has changed you, and what gold you gather from showing up again and again! 

In today's episode, we discuss mindsets around decision-making that can help us find more ease around the little decisions ("What should I order from the menu?") and the big decisions ("Should I quit my job?"). 

References:

• Dr. Russ Harris article about hard decisions
• Sheryl's next round of her course, "Trust Yourself," starting on May 17th
• The Healing Anxiety Workbook
• April’s Gathering Gold bonus episode for the Patreon: Emotional Support for Spring Cleaning
• Marie Kondo
• Happenstance Theory of career development
• Past Lives (2023)
• The Serenity Prayer

Join our Patreon community: https://www.patreon.com/gatheringgold

They discuss the difference between a fantasy and a dream for the future, how to work with the energy of regret, and what we can learn from the film Past Lives (2023) about making space for longing, mystery, and acceptance in the face of our many life choices and experiences.

Members of our Patreon can submit questions and reflections for our follow-up conversation about escape hatch fantasies at patreon.com/gatheringgold 

* * *

We all indulge in fantasizing from time to time. Maybe you find yourself scrolling through Zillow looking at houses for sale, even though most of the time you love where you live. Perhaps you have romantic dreams about your ex and wake wondering if it means you should run off into the sunset with them—even though you know you don't really want that in reality.

Our imaginations and dreams are beautiful things, and yet sometimes, we find ourselves fixating on a certain escape hatch that we wish could magically deliver us to a version of life without pain, boredom, or anxiety. Certain fantasies might get sticky, causing us distress or interfering with our real lives. So what do we do with persistent escape hatch fantasies that we can’t or don’t really want to act out? 

That’s the topic of today’s episode. We’ll be unpacking two fantasies in particular (living alone in the woods and moving to a faraway city) to ask what longings might lie underneath them, and how we can attend to those longings while respecting our values and choices we’ve made for our lives. 

References:

• Devotion, Patti Smith
• Carl Jung
• The Power of Ritual, Casper ter Kuile
• Ecstasy, Robert Johnson
• Inner Work, Robert Johnson
• Richard Rohr Unspoken podcast interview

In today's episode, we introduce a new tool for healing anxiety at the root: Sheryl's forthcoming publication, The Healing Anxiety Workbook. 

Over decades of working with individuals struggling with anxiety, Sheryl has identified the pain points that most call out for our attention through the voice of anxiety: disconnection from self, from others, and from the unseen world.

In today's episode, we discuss how the inception of this book reflects the very mindsets that ease anxiety; how to deal with perfectionism and anxiety about engaging with a workbook in the first place; and the most important, foundational exercise in this work/play book that Sheryl believes is the key to creating lasting change.

Listen through the very end of the episode to learn how you can attend a very special event if you pre-order the book!

You can also visit our Patreon to learn about joining us for a Spring Equinox virtual gathering on March 23rd and unlock 30+ bonus episodes! 

Others are a bit more unsure--some of us may resist growing up well into our 20s and beyond. Acts of resistance against adulthood can be big or small, noticeable or subtle. Even those who were excited to grow up in childhood may find that fears begin to dampen their enthusiasm as the reality of adult life sinks in.

Where do these fears come from? What are some of the core beliefs and emotional experiences that can either hamper or promote our growth and development towards healthy adulthood?

All of this in today's episode.

References:

• Gathering Gold: The Father Wound episode with Daev Finn
• Author Stephen King
• Carol Dweck and Growth Mindsets

In this episode, we explore two internal pillars of adulthood that create a foundation for healthy development across the lifespan, and reflect on how building these pillars, brick by brick, can help us to live with more honesty, connection, and peace.

References:

• Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development
• The Healing Connection: How Women Form Relationships in Therapy and in Life, by Jean Baker Miller and Irene Pierce Stiver

Our heartbeat. Our breath. Our steps along the sidewalk. Our life happens in rhythms--breath by breath, heartbeat by heartbeat, step by step. We move in and out of seasons, feel a shift in tempo as our energy levels ebb and flow, fall into connection and disconnection with those around us. 

In today's episode, we are exploring what it means to "live in the rhythm" of life, why it can be so hard in our contemporary culture, and how turning towards the natural world can invite us back into a dance that is humane and enlivening. 

References:

• Wise Child, by Monica Furlong
• Gabrille Roth's 5Rhythms
• Mark Nepo
• Kelsy Leonard, "Why lakes and rivers should have the same rights as humans"
• The Nature of Reading Bookshop
• Carl Jung’s theory of the collective unconscious 

Many of us step off the carousel of the holiday season feeling a little dizzy and off-kilter. Some of us might even feel a sense of darkness or despair as we thud back into harsh reality (and, in certain parts of the world, deep winter). We may be teetering between hope and despair; grief and gratitude; anger and acceptance. We may feel faith slipping between our fingers; we may find ourselves craving a good, long sleep.

Maybe we’re in a dark night of the soul. And in today’s episode, we’ll unpack why maybe that’s okay.

References:

• Elf (2003)
• St. John of the Cross
• American Humanist Association
• Vanessa Zoltan’s podcasts: Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, Hot and Bothered, The Real Question, Let’s Ask Taylor Swift

We are also offering a special 15% off discount for any new Patreon sign-ups with code GOLD24 and are hosting a Winter Solstice gathering for the Meet-Up Members on Sunday, December 22, at 3 pm EST. Visit patreon.com/gatheringgold to learn more. 

* * *

We are approaching the shortest day and longest night of the year in the Northern hemisphere.

In preparation for the winter solstice, Sheryl invites us to anchor ourselves in time and find communion with the luminous dark.

How might we celebrate the triumph of light, the gift of the sun, while also welcoming the wisdom of darkness?

How might we balance the need to rest and turn inward with the need to brave the cold, to go out into the world?

How can we cultivate peace within ourselves in the face of all that is treacherous in this world—including the double-edged winter months, with their shimmer and ice, their harshness and beauty?

This is what we invite you to explore with us in today’s episode, and at our upcoming Patreon Meet-Up on December 21st. 

References:

• Gathering Gold Patreon (sign up for the Meet-Up Member tier to join our virtual meet-ups)
• "Darkness and Light" episode
• "Winter’s Paradox" episode 
• Francis Weller
• "Effort and Ease" episode

That's what we're unpacking in today's episode.

...And P.S.: We are so grateful for all of you, dear listeners!

References:

• The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World, by Robin Wall Kimmerer
• “Those Winter Sundays” by Robert Hayden 
• Brother David Steindl Rast
• A Man on the Inside TV show
• The Good Place TV show
• “Gratitude,” by Mary Oliver
• Meister Eckhart

Amidst it all--the darkness and the light, the fatigue and the excitement--how can we stay present for the gifts all around us? Not the gifts wrapped in paper and bows, but the little, everyday miracles: the maple tree still wrapped in orange and golden leaves; the comfort and safety of a heated home; the magic of sharing a meal with good friends. 

In today's episode, Victoria shares reflections on receiving and honoring the gift of presence. 

References:

• "The Power of the Pause" Gathering Gold episode
• Brother David Steindl-Rast
• Sheryl's blog post, “Holiday Pain and Gratitude” 

In today's episode, Sheryl shares wisdom about grounding ourselves during uncertain and anxious times and guides us through a practice of connecting to our hearts, our minds, and each other.

Can you relate to Victoria’s admission in today’s episode?

Many of us have lost connection with our ancestors. Or rather, that connection was severed even before we were born, by cultural conditions that de-prioritize relationships in general, and familial bonds in particular. 

And: connecting to the unseen realm of ancestors goes beyond learning about our genealogy. We can draw strength and comfort from imaginal grandmothers, mythological archetypes, and even fictional characters that have helped shape us into who we are or who we will become.

In today’s episode, Sheryl shares reflections on both why and how to re-connect with the branches and leaves of our family trees to find new, ancient allies in the unseen realm. 

Let your ancestors hold your worry, offer you their prayers, and anchor you in this autumnal season when the veil between the living and the dead is thin.

References:

• Coco (2017)

• James Martin, Jesuit priest

• Lalah Delia

• “Dancing in the Dark” Bruce Springsteen

• "It Had to Be You," Tony Bennett

• “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head,” B. J. Thomas

• "We Don't Talk About Bruno" from Encanto

Sometimes, things really are just too much. Some things needs to give. Systems need to change.

And, sometimes we pause for a moment to scan our inner world and find that certain mindsets, storylines, and habitual patterns are exacerbating or even creating the sense of overwhelm. Perhaps there is an emotional undercurrent of turmoil related to past trauma, family patterns, or conditioning. Maybe our perfectionist is making every molehill into a mountain. Might we be resisting asking for or receiving help that could make a task more manageable?

In today's episode, we explore ways to sort through the various pieces of the overwhelm puzzle to help us carve a path forward when we are feeling stumped and stranded.

Bit by bit, piece by piece, you can do it. We know you can.

We recorded this conversation in front of a live virtual audience of Patreon community members, opening up the second half of the episode for group discussion on the topic of rooting into autumn. 

We are so grateful to the insightful, compassionate members who added their wisdom about steadying ourselves amidst the busy-ness of autumn.

How will you send some energy to your roots today?

References:

Rooted, by Lyanda Lynn Haupt

Today, we are exploring some of the voices and characters of resistance—including the inner child, inner teenager, and Wise Self—as well as the hidden benefits within resistance. How can we work with the energy of digging in our heels or pushing up against something hard, and learn to embrace its vital role in our personal journey? This is what we are unpacking in today’s episode.

References:

• Sheryl's upcoming course: Break Free from Anxiety: A 9-Month Course on the Art of Living (registration open now; course starts September 22, 2024)
• Sheryl’s book The Wisdom of Anxiety
• A League of Their Own  (1992)

By taking risks, we learn more about ourselves and the world. And by learning more about ourselves and the world, we learn how to take more intentional, skillful, and enriching risks. 

In today’s episode, we explore some of the inner templates that make it challenging for us to take risks, and how we can reframe healthy risk-taking as an exciting part of life and an essential part of personal growth. 

References:

• Gathering Gold Patreon Community
• Recent episodes: "Why It’s Hard to Receive Good Things," "Adding Good Things," and "Living IRL"
• Perennials Podcast episode "Lights Up with Felicia Russell"

In today's episode, we discuss using our devices as tools to help us engage more deeply with the world, not as substitutes for living. We also discuss some of the blocks and obstacles that make it difficult to disengage with with online world: discomfort, awkwardness, and fear, to name a few. And we talk about the importance of living our values through intentional action, not just vicariously.

Whether planting a seed in a pot, having a courageous conversation with a loved one, or visiting a new city, we can always try something new and see what happens. We invite you to reflect with us on your own values and desires to engage with life IRL. 

It can be easy to focus on all of the problems, challenges, and hardships we are facing, and to assume that if we could just remove those, then we could experience a greater sense of wellbeing. And while there are certainly times to focus on removal of things that are hurting us, there is also great power in pouring our attention into adding goodness: adding more fruits and vegetables onto our plate, adding more visits with friends, adding encouraging thoughts into our inner dialogue. And sometimes, we find that the more good things we add, the easier it is for old painful habits to fall away. 

This can, of course, bring up feelings of “easier said than done.” In today’s episode, we discuss how to work with some of the obstacles to adding good things, from self-judgment to low motivation. 

References:

• Recent Gathering Gold episodes: "Summer Solstice" and "Why it’s Hard to Receive Good Things"
• Pema Chödrön, “No big deal”
• Rob Bell’s podcast 
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
• The Many Lives of Mama Love, by Lara Love Hardin
• Sheryl’s book, The Wisdom of Anxiety
• Carl Rogers’ teaching on unconditional positive regard

In this conversation, we discuss some of the stumbling blocks to the unfettered gratitude that we desire: blocks including guilt, shame, fear, and distrust. And, we discuss how we can orient ourselves towards more receptivity, reciprocity, courage, and openheartedness.

References:

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

Robin Wall Kimmerer’s upcoming book, The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World

Gilmore Girls

Perennials Episode 61: Embracing Weakness with Shannon K Evans

Sheryl shares how panic attacks have grabbed her in the ocean, in elevators, while driving, and at nightfall. She introduces the Greek mythological Pan, and gives us a sneak peek into how she befriended the god of pandemonium, which she unpacks in more depth in Thresholds. 

We talk about the subtle shades of light and shadow that can evoke panic, and the roots of trauma from which panic may grow. And we discuss how both on-the-spot tools and deep therapeutic work can help us to move through fear and into life.

For 10% off your purchase of Thresholds, enter code Gold10 at check out.

Patrons of Gathering Gold can receive 20% off with a code that we shared on our Patreon page.

References:

• Pan: the Greek god
• Dare, by Barry McDonagh
• "Imagine," by John Lennon
• "All Things Must Pass," by George Harrison

Sheryl explains why it is so important to honor these season portals, and receive their goodness. Sheryl and Victoria reflect on their previous episode about Summer from three years ago, and discuss why Sheryl was so focused on loss, nostalgia, and grief at that time. Victoria unpacks how she has grown stronger in using her voice since that episode aired.

Together, Sheryl and Victoria lean into the joyful, abundant, and juicy invitations of summer, while acknowledging the diversity of thematic invitations that each season holds.

References:

• Gathering Gold episode about Summer from June 2021

   

• Find the exact time of Summer Solstice where you are

   

• Gathering Gold Patreon Summer Solstice Meet-Up: June 23

   

• The Power of the Pause episode

   

• The Hidden Gifts in Slowing Down episode

   

• Sheryl's first book, The Conscious Bride

   

• Patreon visualization: Practice Joy

Today’s episode continues a series exploring themes from Sheryl’s new audiobook, Thresholds: Reflections at Midlife, with a conversation about parenting. As Sheryl’s sons have grown into teenagers, and one has flown the nest (…literally!), Sheryl has welcomed grief, gratitude, and new beginnings. 

Offering personal stories about some of the hardest and most joyful moments in her midlife parenting journey, Sheryl reminds parents to turn towards trust—trust in their children, in Mother Earth, and in life’s unfolding. 

Thresholds is available now! 

References:

• Sheryl’s Trust Yourself course
• The Frugal Friends podcast, episode “How to Keep Your Garden Alive with Nicole Johnsey Burke”

In today's episode, we share sneak peeks and talk about the seeds of inspiration for this compendium of dreams, poems, stories, and reflections. We discuss myths about midlife, a major decision that Sheryl faced about the direction of her work, and themes of visibility, vitality, self-trust, and leaning into a more feminine way. 

References:

• The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant
• Circle of Stones, by Judith Duerk

This is the rhythm of all close relationships—even the relationship between Sheryl and Victoria, as we discuss (gingerly, with care) in today’s episode.

In any relationship, if we get close enough, we will eventually experience a rupture. We make mistakes, we let each other down, we hurt, and then, with courage, self-awareness, and a foundation of love, we can heal. 

Yet it is no small task to skillfully traverse ruptures and repairs. As Sheryl explains in today’s episode, “we become de-sensitized to the experience of a guarded heart, and we skirt away from doing whatever is required to bring us back to full trust and full closeness.” 

Through deeply personal stories of her own experiences in this realm, Sheryl shares some of the guiding principles that can help us to navigate our differences with honesty and love, and find our way back to each other. 

References:

• Being Well podcast episode with Sue Johnson
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy
• Mindfulness

We long for wildness. We long for freedom and aliveness, creativity and authenticity. 

And yet, we might also fear wildness—the way it can control us. The way we can burn others and be burned by it.

How do we get in touch with our wild parts, and integrate them with the rest of us? How do we find healthy containers in which to explore our creativity, our dreams, our true voice, our boundaries?

This is what we are exploring in today’s episode.

References:

Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Tell All the Truth but Tell It Slant, Emily Dickinson

Doubt (2008) 

Everything Belongs podcast episode: "The First Half of Life"

Silvy Khoucasian (Relationship Coach): Instagram handle 

Join our Patreon community: https://www.patreon.com/gatheringgold

Along the way, we discuss finding supportive healthcare providers, learning to navigate sex when trying to conceive, meeting our own or our partner’s ambivalence about parenthood, and more.

Sarah Koestner is a transformational life coach who was a beloved moderator on Sheryl’s online forum for many years. You can learn mare about her and her coaching work at www.sarahkoestner.com/

References:

• Pachamama 
• Perennials Episode: True Love with Sarah Koestner

"We think linearly--but maybe, that's not how time, and grief, and memory co-exist. And it's spring that reveals these cross-sections."

References:

• Sheryl's blog post "Fear Distorts Perception"

In today’s episode, Sheryl shares her thoughts on the spiritual experience of symmetry, and how fractals in nature convince her that this world is one of not only chaos, but also order—and why that matters so much to highly sensitive people.

We also discuss the yin and yang nature of seasons, the beauty in asymmetry, and how a healthy relationship with rituals and repetition can help us find and make meaning. 

References:

Quote from Madeleine L’Engle's A Swiftly Tilting Planet.

Nature journal article “Why Symmetry Matters,” by Mario Livio

The Age of Adeline (2015)

Groundhog Day (1993)

How Stuff Works article "Why Do We Get So Much Pleasure from Symmetry?" by Dave Roos

The Accidental Universe: The World You Thought You Knew, by Alan Lightman

In this conversation, we explore what trauma collisions are (and are not), how they differ from arguments, and how we can become more mindful and skillful in responding to them. 

Sheryl underscores the role of self-awareness in uncovering the understory of a trauma collision, finding compassion for ourselves and our partners, and creating new, healthier patterns. 

We discuss demon dances, childhood wounds, and the core human longing for both separateness and intimacy.

References:

• Sheryl’s IG post about trauma collisions
• Love and Awakening, John Welwood
• Essay “Intimate Relationship as Transformative Path” by John Welwood
• A Little Book on the Human Shadow, Robert Bly
• Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT)
• Attachment theory
• Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson
• Sue Johnson’s workbooks and video series
• Rilke quote about those in marriage being "the guardian of the other's solitude.”

“What’s for dinner?” they ask. 

Your entire body is instantly flooded with one feeling: irritation. 

It’s a feeling that we all have from time to time, including with the people we love most in the world: our partners, family members, and friends. And yet, we can easily feel jolted by irritation or annoyance. “Oh no,” we might say to our selves. “What’s wrong with me/them/our relationship that I feel this way? Aren’t I supposed to always feeling loving, patient, and kindly towards them?”

In today’s episode, we’re exploring irritation in relationships, and what it might be pointing to when our skin crawls in response to the way our partner loads the dishwasher—or, God forbid, when a parent asks, “How was your day?”

And of course, we look for the gold shimmering just underneath this seemingly ungracious emotion.

References:

Sheryl's blog post: "When You Feel Irritated with Your Partner"

We are now in the liminal month of January, moving between two years and looking forward and backward just like Janus. In today's episode, Sheryl encourages us to meet this liminality with curiosity and compassion. Though we may feel off-kilter and groundless, though we may be full of questions, there is gold to gather in this month of doorways.

What doorways might you meet this month? What gold might you gather?

References:

• Sheryl's blog post "January: the Liminal Month"
• The Nature of Reading book shop
• Looking for the Hidden Folk, by Nancy Marie Brown
• The Re-enchantment of Everyday Life, by Thomas Moore

Last January, we explored what it means to own our sexual sovereignty through reclaiming our right and ability to say no. Today, we begin uncovering our inherent yes, which was likely shamed early in our lives.

Sheryl encourages us to gently orient ourselves back towards our innate curiosity, belief in our own goodness, and appreciation for our bodies and beauty. We embrace the power of sharing stories of early sexual exploration, as participants of Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course do throughout the program. And we reflect on the importance of making room for fear, seeking out helpful educational materials, and finding our own unique relationship to sexuality, not trying to fit into an externally-prescribed template.

Learn more about Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course, which starts January 13th, on her website. 

References:

• Last year’s Gathering Gold "Sexual Sovereignty" episode
• Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course
• Sheryl’s blog post, “We Have Forgotten Who We are” https://conscious-transitions.com/we-have-forgotten-who-we-are/
• The Chalice and the Blade, by Riane Eisler
• Barbie film (2023)
• Beautiful Dreamers film (1990)
• Walt Whitman
• Gathering Gold "Fairy Tales by the Fireside" episode
• Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, by Emily Nagoski
• Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, by Vanessa Marin
• Emily Dickinson poem, “Tell All the Truth But Tell It Slant”

Daev, Sheryl, and Victoria read the tale aloud, then share their reflections on themes of slumber, sexuality, growing up, and banishment. Daev offers perspective on the history of myths and fairytales and their problematic parts, Sheryl reflects on the treatment of powerful women in patriarchal narratives, and Victoria muses on how this tale cautions us to rethink banishing our inner "thirteenth fairy."

Find Daev on Instagram @followyourmyth

References:

• "Briar Rose" text
• Disney film Maleficent (2014)
• The myths of Psyche, Persephone, and Perceval 
• The entitled prince vs. positive prince role models: Aladdin, Luke Skywalker, Kristoff from Frozen (2013)
• French author Charles Perrault
• Moana (2016)
• The story of the Buddha 
• Protagonists with self-agency: "Hansel and Gretel", Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, Alice in Alice in Wonderland, Harry Potter
• A non-binary hero(ine) in literature: Orlando, by Virginia Woolf
• Modern myth-makers Neil Gaiman, Joseph Campbell, and George Lucas

Music in this episode:

• Gathering Gold theme music by Jarrett Farkas
• "Glacier" by SalmonLikeTheFish

In preparation for the winter solstice, Sheryl invites us to anchor ourselves in time and find communion with the luminous dark.

How might we celebrate the triumph of light, the gift of the sun, while also welcoming the wisdom of darkness?

How might we balance the need to rest and turn inward with the need to brave the cold, to go out into the world?

How can we cultivate peace within ourselves in the face of all that is treacherous in this world—including the double-edged winter months, with their shimmer and ice, their harshness and beauty?

This is what we invite you to explore with us in today’s episode, and at our upcoming Patreon Meet-Up on December 21st. 

References:

• Gathering Gold Patreon (sign up for the Meet-Up Member tier to join our virtual meet-ups)
• Darkness and Light episode
• Winter’s Paradox episode 
• Francis Weller
• Effort and Ease episode

Everyone has their moments of social anxiety, but some of us suffer with it more chronically, perhaps managing a mixture of avoidance and overcompensation. We might worry that we are too quiet or too loud, too boring or too obnoxious—somehow just not right. Our fear of others’ judgment interweaves with our own harsh inner critic. 

While humans are apt to underestimate how much people like us, we also all have had experiences of rejection that left scars. Highly sensitive people, introverted people, and people with anxiety have our own particular fear of being shunned because of our difference. 

In today’s episode, Sheryl shares stories of her own past social scars that have contributed to social anxiety across her life, from getting kicked out a clique in fifth grade to feeling invisible in her synagogue in recent years.

In this conversation, we dig into the soil of social anxiety to find the gems hidden under layers of sediment: our genuineness and our capacity to care and love.

References:

• Episode of Hidden Brain, “How Others See You”
• Matt Haig quote: “Never be cool. Never try to be cool. Never worry what the cool people think. Head for the warm people. Life is warmth. You’ll be cool when you’re dead.”

Whether we are full-time caregivers, lawyers, teachers, baristas, artists, or project managers, we might wonder: am I on the right path? Do I belong in this field? Might the grass be greener somewhere else?

We have also been conditioned to believe that our work, our career, is a reflection of our worthiness. This can keep us stuck in a myriad of ways: we might fear that we don’t deserve to even try for a career that we’re deeply interested in, or we might struggle to leave a role that isn’t a good fit simply because it’s prestigious. 

In today’s episode, we’re exploring questions around work and career anxiety, including how to show up fully in a good enough job, and how to manage anxiety when it's time to make a career transition. 

In today's episode, we discuss this mysterious portal and how we might find gold glittering in the darkest hours before dawn.

References:

• “Dedicated to the One I Love,” by the Mamas and the Papas
• Britannica definition of “Witching Hour”
• Wise Child, by Monica Furlong 
• Dreamworker Jeremy Taylor
• Sheryl’s blog posts about "The Witching Hour," with cited comment by Kim 

Sheryl shares passages from her journal that detail how she rode the waves of grief, reached for support, and found relief after bringing Everest to school and adjusting to home life without him.

And, she and Victoria discuss some of the pillars that hold up highly sensitive people during the micro and momentous transitions throughout life.

References:

Elizabeth Bishop’s poem “One Art”

Khalil Gibran’s poem “Your children are not your children” 

Listen in to hear what happened for Olivia and her partner after she submitted her question, listened to the episode, and sat with the uncertainty of how to approach her wedding day and marriage anxieties.

Visit our Patreon to learn more about submitting voicemails and enjoying future Golden Nugget mini-sodes: www.patreon.com/gatheringgold

And yet, if we take the risk to feed our shame with love, acceptance, and compassion, we will see what’s underneath: a young, soft part of ourselves who is here to help us heal.

How do we find that love and compassion and heal our shame?

This is what we explore in today’s episode.

References:

• Feeding Your Demons
• Queer Eye
• Heartstopper
• Sap and Feel Good
• Sounds True webinar about Internal Family Systems (with Elizabeth Gilbert and Jonathan Van Ness)
• Harm reduction movement 
• Ted Lasso
• Never Have I Ever
• Dr. Kristin Neff
• Carl Rogers

For some of us, shame is an occasional or even rare experience. It’s an awful feeling, but manageable.

For others, shame is a state that we are particularly prone to; our shame gets activated quickly and intensely. We might even walk around in a haze of free-floating shame, inhaling it with the air we breathe. 

In today’s episode, Sheryl and Victoria explore shame and some of its shifting forms: shame as a creature of the dark that hides out in our innermost places, that flees when we attempt to bring it into the light. Shame as a voice we hear deep inside, convincing us that we don’t deserve love and belonging. Shame as a cloak, shielding us from the vulnerability of exposure and visibility.

Join us in this episode to tug at the cloak and take a peek at what's underneath.

References:

• Break Free from Anxiety 9-month course
• "The Good Girl and the Inner Teenager" episode
• Sheryl’s most recent blog post: "Healing Shame is One of the Keys to Healing Anxiety"
• Sheryl's "You Are Loved" MP3
• Shame Spiral podcast
• Harriet Lerner
• Feeding Your Demons: Ancient Wisdom for Resolving Inner Conflict, by Tsultrim Allione
• Andrea Gibson on double suffering
• Jen Campbell talking about queer coding and disability coding in Disney
• Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course
• Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Though Olivia's question is about marriage, the themes in this episode will resonate with anyone currently facing a big transition, like Sheryl and Victoria: right now, Sheryl is preparing to bring her eldest son to college for the first time, and Victoria is wrapping up her last few days at the job she has held for the past nine years.

Stay tuned for reflections to come on these big milestones. 

****

Click here to learn about our Patreon, and here to register for Sheryl's 9-month course: Break Free from Anxiety. 

In our society, it is easy to think of effort as synonymous with drudgery, exhaustion, and an attitude of "never enough." Because of this, we also have a complicated relationship with ease: we struggle to rest, and to trust ease. We often stumble from overexertion into numbing out.

Humans seem to be happiest when we find a flow between effort and ease, a satisfactory relationship with trying and allowing, practicing and surrendering. How do we come to cultivate that symbiotic relationship in our lives? How do we find that flow?

This is what we explore in today’s episode.

References:

Mindset, by Carol Dweck

Taylor Swift commencement speech at NYU

Taylor Swift's "Mirrorball"

Tricia Hersey’s The Nap Ministry

Hannah Morris Bouldering YouTube channel

Sharing anecdotes from her life, she reflects on core fears and beliefs inside the aversion to responsibility and adulthood, and discusses gentle approaches to examining the invitations inside our existential anxieties.

She also shares approaches to developing a stronger relationship with ourselves, even when we feel very disconnected, and to making decisions while holding space for ambivalence.

References:

• Perennials Podcast
• The four givens of existential psychotherapy
• Section from Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself: “I contain multitudes”
• “Make a decision, then make it right” Instagram post
• Window of tolerance 
• Being in a state of "flow"
• Rainer Maria Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet

In today’s episode, we’re exploring what qualities this often-forgotten inner part brings to the table. And, we’re exploring why those of us who grew up trying to embody the “good girl” might have struggled to fully tap into the potential of our inner teenager. The characters are seemingly at odds: as Sheryl explains, if the good girl is all about saying yes, the inner teenager is all about saying no.

But with our loving adult at the helm, ready to guide both the child and the teenager to safety and freedom, what might they have to learn from each other? And what might they have to teach us now? 

All this, and more, in today’s conversation. 

References: 

• Little Women
• Play adaptation of The Diary of Anne Frank
• Gathering Gold Purity & Perfectionism episode
• Gathering Gold Sexual Sovereignty episode 
• Mae Martin’s SAP
• A Midsummer Night’s Dream
• Gathering Gold Summer episode
• Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher 

And yet, for many of us, worrying is a way of life. It is our go-to response when we face uncertainty or perceive a threat to something or someone we care about deeply. 

In today’s episode, Sheryl shares personal reflections on her relationship to worry as her eldest son Everest embarks on the hardest challenge he has ever faced. She has a thousand reasons to worry, but an even more important reason to break the habit, and tap into another way of expressing her unshakeable love for her son, and her abiding trust in this life. 

In this conversation, we spend time in the realm of spirit and sky, feeling into the mystery of trust and surrender. And, we spend time planted into the earth, focusing on the things we can control, where we place our attention, and choices we make about which thoughts and actions to water and grow. 

There’s the inner critic, and then there are the outer critics. There’s perfectionism, and the fear that “it’s all been done before.” There’s the despair of "not enough," and the ache of lacking inspiration.

Even after we’ve bushwhacked our way through the thickets of inner resistance to actually create something, we often prick ourselves on thorny choices around sharing what we’ve made. How do we know when it’s time to share, or if it ever needs to be shared? Is wanting to share our creativity inherently narcissistic? What if we get attention for it? What if no one pays attention? What’s the point of all of it, anyway?

All of this, and more, in today's episode.

References:

• Jeremy Taylor's dreamwork 
• Mary Oliver's poetry and On Being interview
• Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED talk, Oprah talk, and book Big Magic 
• Magic Lessons Podcast episode with Brené Brown
• Marion Woodman's Sitting by the Well
• Perennials Podcast Episode 16: Lucky You with Erika Carter 

Stuart founded The OCD Stories podcast in 2015 to improve the lives of those with OCD. He holds a masters degree in psychological therapies from the University of London, Queen Mary and a masters degree in integrative child and adolescent counselling and psychotherapy from the University of Roehampton. He works in private practice as a child and adolescent counsellor and psychotherapist in the UK. 

In this episode, Stuart graciously shares his personal experiences with OCD, from his first childhood intrusive thoughts, to dealing with an OCD relapse as a new therapist.

We discuss why Stu chooses to practice as an integrative therapist, and how he uses modalities including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Compassion-Focused Therapy, and psychodynamic approaches alongside Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). 

Does the magic of life disappear as we age?

How do we take responsibility for our own aliveness?

In today’s episode, we are exploring all these questions and more to get at the heart of what it means to live fully and deeply, swimming in a sea of fear, courage, and connection. 

When we stop taking risks, aliveness shrinks. 

When we ignore hard feelings, aliveness suffers.

When we hide from the world, aliveness is elusive. 

We invite you to get curious and consider: what areas of life are calling for you attention? 

References:

• Richard Rohr quote: “Mystery is not something you can’t know. Mystery is endless knowability. Living inside such endless knowability is finally a comfort, a foundation of ultimate support, security, unrestricted love, and eternal care. For all of us, it takes much of our life to get there; it is what we surely mean by ‘growing’ in faith. I can’t prove this to you. Each soul must learn on its own, hopefully aided by observing other faith-filled people.”
• Gilmore Girls episode "The Third Lorelai" 
• Ladybird: "Don't you think maybe they are the same thing -- love and attention?"
• The Four Givens of Existential Therapy
• A Streetcar Named Desire: "The opposite is desire."

"I’m not smart enough."

"They’re mad at me."

"I’ll never be able to…" (fill in the blank)

The stories can become so engrained in us, and occur to us so quickly, that we often forget to stop and think about where they come from, and whether they are still, or ever were, really true. Might there be another interpretation that is equally true, more true, or simply more helpful?

In today’s episode, we talk about the act of resistant reading to uncover bias, root out shame, and start to notice the stories we tell about ourselves, each other, and the world. This is a practice that goes beyond the cognitive realm of words and goes deep into our bodies, into the stories that live within us on a cellular level. 

And we start to explore the question: How can we start to tell ourselves more helpful stories—with our words, with our actions, and with our bodies?

In today’s episode, Sheryl explains why and how to grieve unlived lives: the ones behind us and ahead of us, the ones that we turned away from by choice, and the ones that were barred to us by circumstance. 

We explore how grieving the roads not taken, and holding awareness of death, can help us to live more fully and courageously now, with hearts open to everything that is present for us in the only lives we truly have. 

As we grow up, we see these depictions of attraction replicated in all types of media, glamorizing first sight, instantaneous chemical reactions between people, woven into a culture that often focuses on the superficial, on what we see at skin level. 

Today, we’re talking about what it means to experience true, ongoing attraction in a committed relationship. Sheryl dispels common myths and misunderstandings, expanding and deepening our understanding of attraction as connection that can be cultivated through loving actions.

Sheryl describes one of her favorite loving actions, which is simple but not easy, fundamental and yet not always obvious, something that can change the way we move through relationships and through the world. 

Okay. So maybe not so simple.

The term "self-care" has gotten more and more infused into our everyday lexicon, and yet, it also seems to be more confusing than ever. With so much information at our fingertips, many of us feel guilty that we aren't taking better care of ourselves. Why is it so hard?

That's what we're unpacking in today's episode. 

And, you can watch our "After the Show" video where we dig more into internal resistance around self-care and rebellion of the "inner teenager."

In this episode, we’re talking to Katie, asking her to share her story in the same style as the popular course member interviews included at the end of the Break Free from Relationship Anxiety course. 

Katie describes her relationship patterns before finding Sheryl’s course: how she would always run as soon as she thought someone might get hurt, how she thought that a relationship needed to start with infatuation to last, and how she held tight to a rigid independence to protect herself. 

Katie explains why she was determined not to run when she met her husband, even when RA brought symptoms like persistent insomnia. She talks about the mindset shifts she learned in Sheryl’s course that helped her to question everything she thought she knew about attraction and independence, and let go of her long list of criteria for a partner. And finally, she shares her wedding vows, and brings Sheryl and Victoria to tears.

Sheryl and Victoria recently shared their own relationship anxiety stories in a special Patreon bonus episode. You can learn about joining the Patreon and listen to that episode at patreon.com/gatheringgold

And if you are interested in Sheryl’s Break Free from Relationship Anxiety course, you can register here before this year's only live round starts on February 26th. 

References:

• Hold Me Tight, by Sue Johnson
• Brené Brown

If your dread is strong enough, you might find it date consumes your thoughts. You're distracted even during enjoyable activities, worrying about the outcome of this looming event. What if the plane crashes? What if you get fired? What if the dentist drills the wrong tooth?!

This line of thinking has a name: anticipatory anxiety. In today’s episode, Sheryl and Victoria share stories of their own recent anticipatory anxiety, how it affects them, and why it’s important to bring curiosity to this realm. And they share strategies and surprising sources of solace that bring a little more excitement, gratitude, and peace to their days, as they continue to hold space for fear of uncertainty.

If you enjoy the episode, check out a special “After the Show” video on Sheryl's YouTube channel, in which Sheryl and Victoria tie up some loose ends, explain the abrupt podcast ending, and dig deeper into a spiritual response to anticipatory anxiety.

In today’s episode, Michelle shares her journey to connective parenting, and how she learned to be empathetic and playful with her own strong willed child. 

In this conversation, we talk about perfectionism in parenting and navigating differences in parenting styles with family, other caregivers, and even one’s partner. Michelle describes how techniques like “special time” and listening partners can make all the difference for those who want to reconstruct themselves as parents. 

You can follow Michelle on Instagram @peaceandparenting and check out her podcast, Peace and Parenting, including her recent episode with Sheryl: Anxiety Around Parenthood.

References:

• Michelle’s forthcoming book, Unpunished
• Hand in Hand Parenting

In today’s episode, we explore how “yes” and “no” in the sexual realm are intimately and irrevocably intertwined.  We linger on re-learning our right to say “no,” for, as Sheryl reminds us, there is no true yes without no. One depends upon the other. We explore some of the common themes that emerge when people feel disconnected from their desire—history of assault or abuse, feeling touched out, grappling with sexual pain, buckling under pressure and expectations. And we invite the warm light of compassion and gentle love to wash over us and bring us back to safety. 

Within this vast, deep, and sometimes painful conversation, there is also room for rediscovering eros, for finding solace, power, joy and laughter within sisterhoods and within ourselves. 

We can gently uncover pathways leading us back to the place that most naturally belongs to us—with time, patience, gentleness, and a bit of ferocity. 

References and Resources:

• Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course information and registration
• Sheryl’s blog post, "This is One of the Best Ways to Get Sexually Aroused"
• Perennials Podcast Episode 61: Embracing Weakness with Shannon K. Evans
• Sheryl’s upcoming Sacred Sexuality free webinar
• Women Who Run with the Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés
• The Chalice and the Blade by Riane Eisler
• Story about Amy Poehler in Bossypants by Tina Fey
• Lizzo, body positivity and self-love 

In our last episode, Sheryl spoke about some "artifacts of the heart" that she took with her when evacuating under threat of a flood. In this episode, we turn our attention with reverence to some more of our most sacred objects. A pendant, a scarf, a candle holder, a guitar: each holds stories, stories of people and places that have shaped us, practices that bolster us, values we live by. We are sharing some of those stories today. 

We hope this episode helps you to reflect on your own artifacts of the heart, and that you'll share some of their stories with us. 

Sometimes we head out into darkness to go on a journey—there might be fear or nervousness, but also excitement and curiosity. What glittering stars might guide our way? What might we see once our eyes adjust? 

Then there is the type of darkness that envelops us when we experience a dark night of the soul, the kind that might, if we’re lucky, be part of some mysterious transformation or initiation. 

And then there is the darkness that appears when the greatest horrors of the world show their face—the kind of darkness that must be stamped out, the kind that no one should ever have to face. 

In today’s episode, Sheryl and Victoria are talking about the tools that help us meet darkness, and dispel it, if only for a moment.

We share some of the practices and objects that help us summon light and fortify ourselves when the sun goes down and night stretches on. 

References:

• Poet Mary Oliver
• "Camomile Tea," by Katherine Mansfield
• "All Things Must Pass," by George Harrison

In today’s episode, Sheryl reflects on her bodily knowing that there must be another way to do life, one that is more balanced than what we’ve grown accustomed to: rushing, competing, depleted, disconnected. We may be accustomed, but we are not adjusted. We are collectively exhausted and yearning. 

Sheryl shares how making the Gathering Gold podcast has helped her lean into another way: a way of collaboration rather than constantly flying solo. She reflects on taking more time to rest since her 50th birthday and embracing feminine qualities that are so often denigrated in favor of the masculine. And she shares a poem that speaks to the feminine wisdom that is buried but still alive, its heart beating under the soil of time, waiting for us to rediscover it and begin to remember another way to be. 

Through this process, I invite you to join me as we create a sacred space for whatever grief you may be carrying. I then talk about how caring about what random others think and trying to contort ourselves into an externalized mold interfere with our ability to make decisions that are rooted in our bodies and our values. I elucidate this by sharing a story about how our son, Everest, is navigating his college application process right now.  

Finally, I share a remarkable quote from Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry about the link between grind culture, trust, and the body.

--Sheryl

In today's episode, we are getting a bit more specific about what it means to be imperfect: we are sharing stories of recent times when we have messed up, what those mess-ups felt like for us, and how we worked through them. From dead houseplants and near-accidents to (very large) impulsive purchases, we're talking about the shame, guilt, regret, humor, learning, and grace that have accompanied some recents "oops" moments.

This is actually our second attempt at this conversation. The first conversation, which felt a bit messier (but no less interesting!) will be released as our bonus episode on our Patreon next Friday. Sign up to hear some behind-the-scenes thought processing, and for extra stories about how Victoria deeply disappointed a friend (and made amends) and some of Sheryl's confessions of high school rebellion. 

We consider questions like: What if being “good” has been a key part of our identity for years? What does it mean to not be good? Is it an excuse to be selfish? 

And what does it mean to “let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”? What might that have to do with self-trust and finding our own voice?

...And what if we are the wild geese? 

All this, and much more, in today's episode. 

References:

“Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver

On Being episode with Mary Oliver: "I got saved by the beauty of the world"

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” --from “The Summer Day,” by Mary Oliver 

How to be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question, by Michael Schur, creator of the TV show The Good Place 

Dr. Becky Kennedy episodes of We Can Do Hard Things

Victoria reflects on her fear of contamination, reckons with trying to play God, feels the pressure of perfectionism in her body, and sheds tears.

Sheryl describes her spiritual perspective on facing our fallibility and offers a ritual for release. And, she shares a meditation on what it feels like to know in your bones: you are loved. 

References:

• Thich Nhat Hahn’s Four Mantras of Presence
• The Jewish month of Elul
• The Examen 

As a hospital chaplain, J.S. Park offers grief counseling and end-of-life care among his many duties. We spoke with him about how this role has shaped the way that he views life and death. He shares a story of vulnerability, presence, and wonder, of living deeply into the fullness and complexity of his humanity. 

We know this is a very tender topic, especially for highly sensitive people who struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, and certain types of OCD. Please take good care of yourself and listen only if you want to, and only if you are feeling well-resourced and well-supported right now. 

Sheryl and Victoria take a one-minute pause in the middle of the episode (and invite you to as well), then discuss what came up for them—from self doubt, to last night’s dreams.

And, they reflect on how the pause is humanizing and friendly—a comma in the long run-on sentence of the day, a semi-colon wink of awareness, and even a reminder not to take it all so seriously. 

We invite you to join us as we float down the slow-moving river of conversation today. Notice as you listen what arises in your mind and heart, what happens to your nervous system, your body, your thoughts. Do you catch a deeper breath than you’ve gotten all day? Do you find a quiet spot in your mind where before there was only noise? We certainly did while recording. 

We hope you feel embraced by the slowness. We hope you feel the shame or fear or resistance loosen, and kindness, warmth and compassion enter, as we ponder how to invite slowness in—and what awaits us when we do. 

References:

• Jungian analyst Marion Woodman
• The Great Swamp National Wildlife Refuge
• NJ-based yoga teacher Khay Muhammad
• Perennials episode with Khay Muhammad 
• “You Can’t Rush Your Healing” by Trevor Hall

In today’s episode, we’re responding to a question from Monique, a member of our Patreon community: “How do you go about having deeper conversations when not everyone wants or is in the head space to have them, or they find deep conversations uncomfortable?”

Sheryl and Victoria explore what we really mean when we say "deep conversations," conditions that help us reach more depth, and some of the barriers that keep us at the surface. And, we consider the importance of meeting people where they are and building trust to invite deeper connection. 

References:

• Stolen Focus, by Johann Hari
• Envelopes of Air, by Natalie Diaz and Ada Limón 

In today’s episode, we talk about meeting dreams with curiosity, openness and even playfulness, so that we can tap into their gold. Sheryl shares her view of dreams as metaphor, and her gentle, joyful approach to honoring and getting into relationship with these deep reservoirs of wisdom and creativity. 

References:

• Sheryl’s Grace Through Uncertainty course registration
• Jeremy Taylor, The Wisdom of Your Dreams
• Paul McCartney: “Let It Be,” “Yesterday”
• Robert Johnson, Inner Work
• Jill Melick, The Art of Dreaming 

Daev is an artist/psychotherapist and former visual effects artist, and recent graduate of Depth psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute.

In today's episode, Daev talks about the father wound, relationships between fathers and sons, and his experience fathering two highly sensitive sons. He explores myths and stories that illuminate this topic, and discusses how fathers and "fairy godfathers" can help guide boys towards more vulnerability, connection to emotions, and connection to self. 

You can find out more about Daev and read his articles on Medium, and learn about his psychotherapy practice at Integrating Insights. 

We bring the words and lessons of many teachers into today’s episode to help guide us as we wrestle with these questions alongside you: teachers in the form of rabbis and civil rights activists, Buddhists and climate justice writers, mindful skaters and hospital chaplains. We are grateful for their guidance and contributions, and we are grateful for you. 

References:

• Words from Martin Luther King Jr: “The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice.” “I must confess, I am tired.”; Letter from a Birmingham Jail 
• Jewish wisdom: "You are not obligated to finish the work of perfecting the world, but neither are you free to desist from it."
• On Being episode: "The Opposite of Good is Indifference," featuring Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel quote: "We must learn how to be surprised, not to adjust ourselves. I am the most maladjusted person in society."
• Season 4, Episode 2 of the No Place Like Home podcast, featuring Mary Anne Hitt, Anna Jane Joyner, and Mary Annaïse Heglar 
• The 50th Gate: Tracking Our Growth through the Counting of the Omer, by Rabbi Gavriel Goldfelder 
• Shelly Tygielski, @mindfulskatergirl
• Emergent Strategy by adrienne maree brown 
• Lama Rod Owens and his recent talk with Action for Happiness
• JS Park 

In today's episode, Sheryl and Victoria explore their own stories of separation anxiety from their earliest memories, and Sheryl shares her son's recent triumph in this realm.  

-- from "On Children" by Khalil Gibran

In today's episode, we explore the mother wound in its tender, painful, personal, and collective layers. Sheryl shares her gentle approach to exploring this wound, which includes compassion for the generations of mothers wounded by the patriarchy and embrace of "good enough" mothering. She offers a definition and some signs and symptoms of the mother wound, as well as poetry that speaks to her own mother-longings. Victoria and Sheryl reflect on lessons learned from the book Wise Child, by Monica Furlong, and its beautiful depictions of Great Mother love that can help us reclaim our power and free ourselves and each other. 

We'll be answering more listener questions in upcoming Patreon bonus episodes. Visit patreon.com/gatheringgold to sign up. 

Today's shorter-than-originally-planned episode also features a few important podcast announcements and invitations as we come upon the one year anniversary of the start of Gathering Gold.

Thank you for listening! 

References:

• Registration for Sheryl's Break Free from Relationship Anxiety Course
• https://www.patreon.com/gatheringgold

In today’s episode, we reflect on the ways in which spring’s fleeting, fragile, and abundantly beautiful nature can usher in heady feelings of in-love-ness, fears around intertwined endings and beginnings, anxiety about unfulfilled potential, and fear of missing out on life’s seasonal blossoms. Spring, in its paradoxical nature, reminds us to pay attention, to tread with compassion, and to live deeply. 

References:

• Sheryl’s blog post “Bittersweet Spring”
• “Closing Time” by Semisonic  
• Lent, Easter and Passover
• JS Park - The Voices We Carry
• Brother David Steindl-Rast
• “Good Day Sunshine” by The Beatles

References:

• A Little Book on the Human Shadow by Robert Bly
• “Projecting Your Personal Shadow” TEDx talk by Dr. Steve Mortenson
• America’s Got Talent
• Center for Action and Contemplation “Shadow Work” series
• Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche, by Robert Johnson
• William Shakespeare
• Purim
• Jeremy Taylor and the concept of the “bright shadow”

We discuss the speed of technological change and our current moment of cultural nostalgia, and our human tendency to romanticize the past and fear the future. Finally, we reflect on some of the gifts and the gold embedded in the passage of time. 

References:

• Father of the Bride (1991)
• Peter Pan
• “Stop This Train” by John Mayer
• "We are in an age of nostalgia -- blame it on technology"
• Memory Almost Full by Paul McCartney
• Rainer Maria Rilke “No feeling is final”

Our imaginations and dreams are beautiful things, and yet sometimes, we find ourselves fixating on a certain escape hatch that we wish could magically deliver us to a version of life without pain, boredom, or anxiety. Certain fantasies might get sticky, causing us distress or interfering with our real lives. So what do we do with persistent escape hatch fantasies that we can’t or don’t really want to act out? 

That’s the topic of today’s episode. We’ll be unpacking two fantasies in particular (living alone in the woods and moving to a faraway city) to ask what longings might lie underneath them, and how we can attend to those longings while respecting our values and choices we’ve made for our lives. 

References:

• Devotion, Patti Smith
• Carl Jung
• The Power of Ritual, Casper ter Kuile
• Ecstasy, Robert Johnson
• Inner Work, Robert Johnson
• Richard Rohr Unspoken podcast interview

• Marion Woodman
• Robert Johnson
• Massage therapy
• Reiki
• Body work
• Cranial sacral therapy
• Hakomi
• Somatic experiencing
• Peter Levine 

For many HSPs, it can be difficult to walk the line between doing the necessary diligent work to protect our loved ones and the greater collective, and finding the limit of what we can actually control. Sheryl unpacks some of the layers underneath a sense of being overly-responsible (not just in relation to covid) from fear of loss, to family of origin patterns, to fear of taking responsibility for one’s own emotional experience.

Sheryl also shares what helps her get through the toughest moments of health anxiety, including finding comfort from maternal figures in the imaginal realm. 

And, we discuss the struggles that are arising in relationships right now, especially between HSP and non-HSP partners who have different levels of risk comfort and tolerance, and between people who have been spending a lot of time at home alone together over the past two years. 

Finally, Sheryl shares some grounding techniques for HSPs to practice and hold onto during this time of continued challenge. 

In today's episode, Sheryl and Victoria discuss winter as a time of paradox: a season of the elder and of the child, of quiet reflection and raucous play, turning inward and pushing ourselves out. A feminine season, ripe for mythology and rich with ferocity, warmth, destruction and creation. 

We delve into a season that is not easy, but offers its share of gold when we prepare ourselves and gather our courage, accept the invitation to slow down, and open our eyes to its dazzling darkness and light. 

If this is a difficult season for you, remember: here in the Northern hemisphere, the days are already getting longer now, second by second, minute by minute. Spring will come. It always does. 

Victoria shares some of her history with spirituality and religion, including the legacy of her almost-monk grandfather, and a journey that includes Veggie Tales and CCD, desire and despair, writing poetry and e-mailing her ex-boyfriend from a silent retreat at an abbey. 

Sheryl shares a poem that expresses her conception of the divine: not an external being that judges and punishes, but a warm and intimate relationship based in reciprocity, realness, and presence. 

References:

• Veggie Tales
• Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
• Richard Rohr
• Blog post by Sheryl: Living God’s Will
• Jewish with Feeling by Reb Zalman
• God of Love by Mirabai Starr
• Mary Oliver
• Rumi
• The Power of Ritual by Casper ter Kuile
• Harry Potter and the Sacred Text podcast 

Sheryl shares a passage from The Wisdom of Anxiety about loneliness, and we talk about how we can shift from discussing it as a statistic (1 in 5 adults in the U.S. reports feeling “serious loneliness”), and start to add color, texture and feeling to the conversation. What color is loneliness for you? What shape does it take? What stories does it bring up in each of us?

Sheryl describes three types of loneliness: loneliness of the self, relational loneliness, and spiritual loneliness. Victoria shares a poem about feeling lonely, and discusses her experience of isolation during covid lockdowns. We talk about our need for others, and how to approach feeling lonely even in the midst of gatherings or intimate relationships. 

To close, Sheryl leads us through a tonglen practice to help us connect not only to our own hearts, but to the hearts of all those around the world who are suffering.

References:

• The Power of Ritual by Casper ter Kuile 

We talk about what it means to “age backwards,” and we consider the question: how can we become more curious, more open, softer and lighter as the years go, rather than more rigid and calcified? Is it possible that aging is, in some ways, not as linear as we think?

We unpack some of the stories and perceptions about aging that can make it difficult for us to accept and embrace the changes that come with the passage of time. Sheryl shares her thoughts on common messages about aging bodies and appearances, and how to let go of the “shoulds” we encounter in different stages of life. 

Sheryl also shares how she has been spending her time lately, moving from a Shmita year into a Jubilee year: slowing down, singing, learning Hebrew, and listening closely to her body. She shares some of her intentions and hopes for the future, including a special note about reclaiming her voice and her name. 

References:

• Mindsight by Daniel Siegel
• Story from Mindsight about 92 year old man who started therapy for the first time
• Shmita year and Jubilee year in Judaism

In today's episode, we’re talking about the importance of keeping a sense of humor when doing inner work, while also meeting our pain around unkind joking, teasing or sarcasm. Sheryl shares her own insecurities around humor, and addresses how family history and projection can play into humor-related relationship anxiety. 

Stay tuned to the *very* end of the episode to hear a blooper and some belly laughs from your hosts! 

References:

• Sheryl’s blog post: "How to Decode the Intrusive Thought: 'You’re Too Silly'”
• Pema Chodron
• Tara Brach
• James Martin and his book, Between Heaven and Mirth: Why Joy, Humor, and Laughter Are at the Heart of the Spiritual Life
• Article about the Dalai Lama: "Playful humor: the Dalai Lama's secret weapon"
• Glennon Doyle
• Brene Brown
• Norman Cousins

We discuss some of the fears underneath resistance to rest, and Sheryl shares her recent experience of taking a break from Instagram. We talk about learning to pay attention to our own rhythms, and saying no to some things so we can say yes to others. 

Sheryl shares ideas for how we can replenish and recapture some energy as we move forward through ongoing uncertainty and transition.

References and Resources:

• Brené Brown's Dare to Lead podcast episode with Amy Cuddy about Pandemic Flux Syndrome
• Emily Dickinson's poem "If you were coming in the fall"
• Your Undivided Attention podcast
• The Social Dilemma documentary
• Center for Humane Technology
• Relationship coach Silvy Khoucasian
• Rabbi Lisa Rappaport
• Shemita year in Judaism
• Ted Lasso TV show
• The Nap Ministry
• Jewish Maariv prayer
• Eckhart Tolle
• "The Journey" poem by Mary Oliver
• When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd

References and Resources:

• Brené Brown's Dare to Lead podcast episode with Amy Cuddy about Pandemic Flux Syndrome
• Emily Dickinson's poem "If you were coming in the fall"
• Your Undivided Attention podcast
• The Social Dilemma documentary
• Center for Humane Technology
• Relationship coach Silvy Khoucasian
• Rabbi Lisa Rappaport
• Shemita year in Judaism
• Ted Lasso TV show
• The Nap Ministry
• Jewish Maariv prayer
• Eckhart Tolle
• "The Journey" poem by Mary Oliver
• When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd

References:

• “The Red Wheelbarrow” by William Carlos Williams
• It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
• Soul (2020)
• Family Man (2000)
• Contemplative artist and spiritual director, Maria Bowler
• Richard Rohr
• Fred Rogers

References:

• Sir Kenneth Robinson's talk "Changing Education Paradigms"

References:

• Charlotte’s Web
• The Hogwarts houses of Harry Potter 

References:

• The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien

• "Fear is excitement without the breath." - Fritz Perls
• Tallit (prayer shawl)

Sheryl and Victoria pull this emotion out of the shadows and talk about their own jealous streaks. Sheryl shares experiences with jealousy in friendship, and painful betrayals in her earliest romantic relationships. Victoria shares a poem about her own imagined "monsters" under the bed, and the ways that jealousy feeds on comparison and our imaginations. 

We discuss letting ourselves feel the feeling, pulling our pre-frontal cortex back online when we're activated, aligning our actions with our values, and surrendering into trust. 

And, Sheryl shares alternative ways of looking at and working with that most dreaded dream that sometimes sneaks up on us in the night: the dream about our partner cheating. 

References:

"Jealous Guy" by John Lennon

References:

• Grace and Frankie TV series

References:

• Sheryl's blog post "Season of the Fallen Flower"
• A Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare 

References:

• Headspace video: Japan's 72 Micro-Seasons of Impermanence
• Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer 

References:

• “La La Lu” lullaby from Lady and the Tramp

• The opening scene and music from Pride and Prejudice (2005) that helped Victoria fall asleep
• The Examen

References

• The Robcast, Episode 77: T'shuvah!
• Mindset by Carol Dweck
• Mindsight by Daniel Siegel
• Braiding Sweetgrass and Gathering Moss by Robin Wall Kimmerer
• “Marjorie” by Taylor Swift
• Falling Upward by Richard Rohr
• Richard Rohr talk at Texas Lutheran University
• Pema Chödrön
• Everything Happens For a Reason: And Other Lives I’ve Loved by Kate Bowler
• Everything Happens podcast episode: Mari Andrew: Beautiful, Terrible, and Eveything In-Between
• Robert Johnson’s autobiography Balancing Heaven and Earth
• Sheryl’s blog post "Take Back Your Gold”

**EDIT: Since this episode aired, we changed the name of the podcast to Gathering Gold! Find out about the new name (and the concept of course-correcting) in Episode 2.