Episode Summary

Do you know who your real enemy is — and how he actually operates?

In this episode of War on Love, Danielle opens the second installment of the Spiritual Warfare series by tackling one of the most foundational — and most misunderstood — questions in the Christian faith: Who is the enemy, really?

Rooted in Scripture and grounded in real-life application, this episode walks you through a biblical portrait of Satan — his names, his origin, his character, and his tactics — so you can stop being blindsided and start standing firm. Because you cannot win a war you don't understand.

• Why the Greatest Commandment (Matthew 22:37-39) is the lens for everything — and how the enemy works to keep us from living it
• The difference between shame-based self-blame and grandiosity — and why both are enemy strategies
• Who Satan actually is: his names (adversary, devil, Beelzebub, Lucifer), his origin, and the pride that led to his fall (Isaiah 14, Ezekiel 28, Luke 10:18)
• How Satan operates — as a liar, accuser, prowling lion, and angel of light (1 Peter 5:8, 2 Corinthians 11:14)
• Why Christians are actually his primary targets — and what that means for your home, heart, and church
• The enemy's tactics in the wilderness: how he used partial truths to tempt Jesus, and how to fight back with Scripture (Matthew 4:1-11)
• What the story of Judas teaches us about spiritual battles that are bigger than us (Luke 22:3)
• How Satan blinds unbelievers — and why that should shift how we see people, not just judge them (2 Corinthians 4:4)
• The defeated enemy: why the cross changed everything and what that means for your daily life (Colossians 2:15, Hebrews 2:14)
• The Wizard of Oz analogy — and why FEAR is just false evidence appearing real
• A preview of next week: how military warfare strategies mirror the enemy's playbook

Matthew 22:37-39 • Job 1:2, 1:12, 2:6 • Isaiah 14:12-15 • Ezekiel 28:12-17 • Luke 10:18 • John 8:44 • 1 Peter 5:8 • 2 Corinthians 11:14 • Matthew 4:1-11 • Luke 22:3 • 2 Corinthians 4:4 • Hebrews 2:14 • Colossians 2:15 • Romans 8:28 • Revelation 20:2, 20:10 • Hebrews 11:1

You don't have to stay stuck in bondage, anxiety, or deception. The power that raised Christ from the dead lives in you — and you were never meant to live like a bird in a cage with the door wide open.

Connect with Danielle at daniellenicolecoaching.com to learn more about trauma-informed, faith-rooted coaching for Christian women and couples navigating betrayal, shame, and relationship repair. If you are in Pennsylvania and seeking therapy services for trauma healing, I offer virtual, in-person, and intensives to go deep to the root of grief, shame, trauma, through EMDR or Brainspotting. Submit a consult www.trinitywellnessgroup.com

Subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who needs to know: the enemy is real, but so is the One who already defeated him.

Spiritual Warfare Series | Episode 1

What if the greatest trick the enemy is pulling on the church right now isn’t convincing people he doesn’t exist — but convincing believers they don’t need to do anything beyond praying more?

In this episode, Danielle kicks off a brand-new series on spiritual warfare — and she’s not mincing words. Drawing from her 20+ years in the helping professions, her own personal testimony of betrayal recovery and sobriety, and her training as a trauma therapist and certified professional coach, she takes on some of the most misused scriptures in the church and asks the hard question: are we giving the enemy exactly the foothold he needs by over-spiritualizing everything?

• What it really means to be a “new creation in Christ” — and how this scripture gets taken out of context to keep people from seeking healing
• Why Ephesians 6:12 doesn’t mean your flesh doesn’t matter — and why over-spiritualizing your struggle may be the enemy’s favorite tactic
• False doctrine, religious rules, and wolves in sheep’s clothing — what Colossians 2 says about man-made teaching vs. scripture
• How the enemy studies human patterns to exploit unhealed wounds — even without reading your thoughts
• Why hypocrisy in the church is costing people their faith — and what Brennan Manning got so right about it
• Danielle’s defining statement: “Salvation is sanctification of the soul. Recovery is sanctification of the flesh.”
• A teaser for next week: who is the enemy, really? And a fresh look at Romans 12:2

• Matthew 22:37-38 — The Greatest Commandment
• 2 Corinthians 5:16-17 — New Creation in Christ
• Colossians 2:20-23 — False humility and human commands
• Ephesians 6:12 — The Full Armor of God
• Romans 12:2 — Renewing the mind
• Ecclesiastes 1:2, 9-11 — Nothing new under the sun

“Salvation is sanctification of the soul.

Recovery is sanctification of the flesh.”

— Danielle Lew

• You’ve been told that praying more is the only answer to your struggle — and something feels off about that
• You’re a believer walking in bondage and can’t figure out why faith alone isn’t setting you free
• You’ve experienced hurt, confusion, or spiritual abuse inside the church and are trying to find solid ground
• You love Jesus and want to walk in real freedom — in your body, your mind, and your relationships
• You want to understand spiritual warfare without fear, hype, or bypassing

Danielle Lew is a licensed trauma therapist (LCSW), APSATS-certified betrayal trauma coach, and Brainspotting/EMDR practitioner based in Gettysburg, PA. She brings 20+ years in the helping professions, personal lived experience with betrayal recovery and sobriety, and a radical love for Jesus to everything she does. Her mission: to help believers stop living in bondage and start walking in the freedom Christ died to give them.

• Website: www.daniellenicolecoaching.com
• Email: hello@daniellenicolecoaching.com
• Leave a review if this episode encouraged you — it helps more people find the podcast!
• Share this episode with a believer who feels stuck

spiritual warfare | Christian inner healing | false doctrine | faith-based recovery | Christian podcast | betrayal trauma | church hurt | faith and mental health | new creation in Christ | prayer and healing | Ephesians 6 | full armor of God | Christian women | Christian counseling | sobriety and faith | sanctification | freedom in Christ | Danielle Lew

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com | Danielle Lew. 2026. All Rights Reserved

with Danielle Lew (Dani), LCSW, APSATS-CCPS

What do pornography, hoarding, endless scrolling, and emotional affairs all have in common? According to Scripture — and the enemy's playbook — they are all expressions of the same ancient heart problem: lust, covetousness, and distraction. In this rich, scripture-heavy episode, Danielle Lew, licensed trauma therapist and certified betrayal recovery coach, brings the Heart Conditions series to a powerful close with a deep dive into the hearts that drift, desire, and consume — and the God who restores them.

• The difference between a lustful heart and a covetous heart — and why they almost always operate together
• How King Solomon, the wisest man alive, fell into idolatry through distraction, people-pleasing, and slow spiritual drift
• Why lust extends far beyond sexual sin — and the many modern forms it takes (status, phones, food, news cycles, and more)
• What the neurochemistry of addiction has to do with Scripture's warnings about the heart
• The shocking pornography statistics the church is largely silent about — and why that silence is costing lives
• Solomon's wake-up call in Ecclesiastes and the powerful antidote he discovered: contentment rooted in God
• Why people change for the Lord — not for other people — and what that means for lasting recovery

Danielle opens the episode with a chilling monologue from the perspective of the enemy — a reminder that distraction is not accidental, it is strategic. From Solomon's 700 wives to your smartphone screen, the enemy has always used what God designed for good to lead hearts away from Him. Lust, Danielle teaches, is the disease of more — an intense, consuming desire that promises satisfaction and delivers emptiness.

Drawing from 1 Kings, Ecclesiastes, Romans, James, and the Sermon on the Mount, this episode traces the fall of Solomon from a man who heard directly from God — twice — to a man who built altars to foreign gods to please his wives. The drift was gradual, and that, Danielle reminds us, is exactly the point. The slippery slope is real. The barber shop principle applies: hang around long enough, and you will get a haircut.

Lust and covetousness are not just moral failings — they are forms of idolatry. They install something else on the throne where God belongs. And whether the idol is pornography, a fantasy relationship, designer goods, social media metrics, or the dopamine hit of the next dopamine hit — the antidote is the same: a heart fully surrendered to the Lord, rooted in contentment, and walking in genuine community.

1 Samuel 13:14 | 1 Kings 9:1-9 | 1 Kings 11 | 1 Chronicles 29:18-20 | Deuteronomy 11:16 | Numbers 15:39 | Job 31:1 | Psalm 23:1 | Ecclesiastes 2:1-13 | Matthew 5:28 | Romans 1:18-32 | Romans 2:5 | Ephesians 4:17-24 | 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 | James 1:13-15 | Philippians 4:11-13 | Hebrews 13:5 | 1 Peter 5:8

Could you please:

• Share this episode with someone who needs a biblical framework for understanding addiction and the wandering heart
• Leave a review and let Danielle know how this series has impacted you

lustful heart, covetous heart, distracted heart, heart conditions, pornography addiction, sexual compulsivity, lust and addiction, betrayal trauma, Christian healing, spiritual warfare, inner healing, Solomon, King David, faith and recovery, lust vs covetousness, Christian podcast, contentment, idolatry, impulse control, War on Love podcast, Danielle Lew, biblical teaching, addiction recovery, faith-based healing, Christian women

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com  |  Danielle Lew. 2026. All Rights Reserved

In this final installment of the Hardened Heart series (finally, whew!) we explore what a hardened heart looks like in modern life — in our relationships, our culture, and ourselves — and offers practical, faith-based steps toward healing.

The episode opens by grounding the discussion in the Greatest Commandment: to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. A hardened heart, the host argues, makes this impossible — blocking both the ability to receive and give love.

From there, the episode examines the signs of a hardened heart in today's context: chronic emotional unavailability, stonewalling, emotional numbness, contempt, defensiveness, and the inability to grieve or receive influence from others.

A significant portion is devoted to avoidant attachment — how it develops in childhood when caregivers are emotionally unavailable or dismissive, the core beliefs it instills ("I don't need anyone"), and how it quietly fuels addiction, isolation, and relational breakdown in adulthood.

We then explore how a hardened heart shows up in culture (numbing through screens, substances, and busyness), in relationships (blame-shifting, gaslighting, chronic loneliness), and specifically with a spouse — from the partner who has emotionally flatlined, to the high-functioning professional who gives everything to work and nothing to their family.

The episode closes with God's promises of restoration — drawing from Psalm 51, Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel — followed by concrete solutions: praying for self-awareness, taking an attachment style quiz, getting into faith-based recovery, seeking community, asking trusted people for honest feedback, and pursuing soul care retreats or intensives.

The core message: healing doesn't happen in isolation. We get hurt in relationships, and we heal in relationships — if they're the right ones. Follow on IG @daniellenicole_coaching or visit website www.daniellenicolecoaching.com

In this episode, we explore how a hardened heart directly impacts our ability to fulfill the greatest commandment - to love God, ourselves, and others. Drawing from Scripture, real-life examples, and recovery principles, this episode breaks down what a hardened heart looks like in both believers and non-believers, and why the difference matters more than we might think.

We examine Pharaoh as the prototype for the unbeliever's hardened heart - unmoved by miracles, self-centered, and resistant to God's commands. Then we take a closer look at something more subtle and more dangerous: the hardened heart in the believer. From "cheap grace" (the language of transformation without the substance) to self-righteousness, compassion fatigue, and doctrinal rigidity, we unpack how Christians can go through all the motions while remaining spiritually closed off.

Through the lens of the Prodigal Son's older brother, Simon the Sorcerer, and the disciples who refused to believe in the resurrection, we see how unbelief, pride, and bitterness can keep even devoted followers of Christ stuck - and how Jesus himself rebuked that hardness.

This episode challenges you to pursue the Lord with hunger, stay open to the Holy Spirit's movement, and do the honest inner work required to keep your heart soft.

Next week: the final episode - what it's like to be in relationship with someone who has a hardened heart, and strategies for what to do next.

In Part 3 of the Hardened Heart series, we deep dive into what hardens our hearts and why it matters for our walk with God. 

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How idolatry - including money, relationships, status, and even our children -slowly hardens the heart by shaping us into what we worship
• The danger of spiritual neglect and daily drift, and how small choices compound over time to pull us away from God
• Why reading the Word alone isn't enough - transformation requires letting it change us, not just inform us
• How unprocessed trauma physically rewires the brain, shutting down emotional processing and creating a physiologically callous heart
• The role of bitterness as a contagious root that defiles not just us, but everyone around us
• What emotional numbing and dissociation look like - and why closing off pain also closes off joy, love, and connection with God
• A powerful walk through Psalm 109 as a model for honest, raw prayer in the midst of betrayal
• The traumatized Pharisee - how rigid rule-following is often a trauma response, not a faith response
• Key scriptural warnings about the hardened heart from Matthew, Hebrews, Proverbs, Romans, Ephesians, and more

Here's your invitation: if you recognize hardness in your own heart, don't feel shame- feel curiosity. Pray, lean in, and ask God to open your eyes and ears to healing.

Part 4 coming next week - what it looks like to do relationships with people who have hardened hearts. Got any questions? Reach out! hello@daniellenicolecoaching.com

Have you ever wondered why some people seem emotionally shut down, spiritually disconnected, or stuck in the same painful patterns no matter what they try? In this episode of the War on Love podcast, Danielle Lew — Licensed Clinical Social Worker, APSATS-trained betrayal trauma coach, and faith-integrated healing advocate — continues the Heart Conditions series with a deep dive into how and why hearts become hardened.

This is Part 2 in the series. If you missed Part 1, go back and listen first - then return here for this powerful continuation!

Danielle unpacks the key spiritual and psychological roots of a hardened heart, including:

• How sin and deception lay the groundwork for emotional and spiritual hardness
• Why knowing Scripture is not enough — and what it actually takes to integrate the Word into the heart
• The role of unresolved trauma and a dysregulated nervous system in creating chronic fear, anxiety, and emotional shutdown
• How complacency and spiritual comfort can quietly harden us — even in times of blessing
• The cumulative effect of unrepentant sin and how each unconfessed act builds a callous around the heart
• Why self-protective vows made in childhood pain can block intimacy, trust, and healing in adult relationships
• The connection between fear, fight-or-flight, and our inability to love God, self, and others well
• Why healing trauma is not a lack of faith - and why the church needs a better understanding of nervous system healing
• What it looks like to stay humble, keep a soft heart, and remain positioned toward God even after deep wounds

Danielle brings her signature blend of biblical depth and trauma-informed clinical insight to this episode. Drawing from Jeremiah, Romans, Mark, Hosea, Exodus, and the story of the Prodigal Son, she connects Scripture to the neuroscience of fear, addiction, and self-protection. You'll hear her share vulnerably from her own story - including a real-time revelation about her relationship with her mother that happened live during recording - modeling exactly the kind of heart-softening she's teaching.

This episode is for you if you're a Christian man or woman asking why healing feels so hard, a partner wondering why someone you love seems emotionally unavailable, or a clinician or coach wanting a richer framework for integrating faith and trauma care.

• Jeremiah 17:9 — The deceitful heart
• Romans 2:5 — Storing up wrath through an unrepentant heart
• Mark 16:14 — Jesus rebuking stubborn unbelief
• 1 John 4:18 — Perfect love casts out fear
• 2 Chronicles 36:13 — Stiffening the neck against the Lord
• Hosea 13:6 — Forgetting God in seasons of fullness
• Mark 10:25 — The rich man and the eye of the needle
• Deuteronomy 8:12 — The warning against complacency in blessing

In Part 3- Danielle will cover what it's actually like to be in relationship with someone who has a hardened heart. Will discuss the Avoidant Attachment Style and how this can influence the heart condition. If you love someone who seems closed off or you think you may , you will not want to miss it.

If this episode resonated with you, Danielle would love to support you further:

• Learn about Soul Care Retreats — immersive 2-3 day healing experiences for women
• Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it
• Leave a review and let Danielle know how this series is impacting you

hardened heart, heart conditions, betrayal trauma, Christian healing, faith and trauma, trauma recovery, unresolved trauma, spiritual growth, nervous system healing, sin and shame, forgiveness, emotional healing, Christian women, marriage restoration, War on Love podcast, Danielle Lew, biblical counseling, EMDR, betrayal trauma coach, Christian podcast

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com  |  Danielle Lew. 2026. All Rights Reserved

In this episode of The War on Love, Danielle continues the Conditions of the Heart series by exploring what Scripture calls a divided or double-minded heart;  a heart split between devotion to God and allegiance to the world.

Drawing from James 4, 1 Kings 11, and James 1:8, Danielle unpacks what it looks like to live with one foot in the kingdom and one foot in the world - and why God calls us to choose. She contrasts the lives of Saul and David to illustrate the difference between half-hearted performance and wholehearted pursuit, reminding listeners that God's standard isn't perfection - it's the direction of the heart.

Danielle also offers practical and biblical pathways toward healing a divided heart, including asking God for an undivided heart (Psalm 86:11), receiving the new heart God promises (Ezekiel 36:26), and offering ourselves as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1-2).

The next topic: hardened hearts 

Key Scriptures: James 4 | James 1:8 | 1 Kings 11 | 1 Samuel 15:22 | Psalm 86:11 | Ezekiel 36:26 | Matthew 6:33 | Romans 12:1-2

www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

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DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

1-855-771-HELP

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www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

1-855-771-HELP

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www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

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1. Where have you been placing your hope — and is it strong enough to hold you?

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." — Romans 15:13

2. What "dashboard lights" has your body or emotions been sending you that you've been ignoring — and what might they be trying to tell you about the condition of your heart?

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." — Proverbs 4:23

3. Can you name specific moments when God came through for you? What would it look like to build your own "Ebenezer" practice — a way of regularly remembering his faithfulness?

When hope dims, we often forget the evidence of what God has already done. Remembering is a spiritual discipline, not just a comfort strategy.

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." — Lamentations 3:21-23

4. Where in your life have you shifted from hope into expectation — telling God what needs to happen rather than trusting him with the outcome?

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." —

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com for Faith-Integrated Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching. Soul Care Retreats

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For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

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www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

1-855-771-HELP

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www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

1-855-771-HELP

https://christiancareconnect.com/

www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

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On Your Own Story

"How long, Lord, will you forget me forever?" (Psalm 13:1) — David's raw cry to God shows that honesty with Him is biblical, not faithless.

Where in your life have you been telling yourself "nothing bad happened to me" or "I just need to move on" — and what might that be covering up?

On Your View of God

"You are fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139:14)

In what ways does your felt experience of God (distant, punishing, unavailable) differ from what you know to be true about Him intellectually? Where might those feelings come from?

On Loving Yourself

"Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:39)

How would you treat a close friend who was struggling with what you're struggling with? What would it look like to extend that same compassion to yourself?

On Relationships

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)

Are you allowing safe people to actually carry something with you — or does receiving care feel uncomfortable or undeserved? What might that be telling you?

On Staying Connected to God Through Pain

Job cried out, questioned, and grieved — and God never rebuked him for it.

What have you been afraid to bring honestly before God? What might change if you did?

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com for Faith-Integrated Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching. Soul Care Retreats

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1. Where are you living — about your body or in it?

1 Thessalonians 5:23 calls God to sanctify us completely - spirit, soul, and body. Take a moment and ask yourself: when you think about your relationship with God, are you experiencing it mostly as head knowledge, or can you actually feel His presence?

Where in your body do you carry disconnection, numbness, or shame?

What would it mean to invite Him into those specific places?

2. What hollow philosophies have taken you captive?

Colossians 2:8 warns us to see to it that no one takes us captive through deceptive philosophy based on human tradition rather than Christ. What messages did you absorb growing up — about your body, your feelings, your needs — that you've never questioned? How many of those messages came from culture, religion, or survival rather than from the Word of God?

3. If Jesus modeled full embodiment, what is your body trying to tell you that you've been dismissing as "unspiritual"?

Psalm 34:8 invites us to taste and see that the Lord is good — a fully sensory, embodied experience. Jesus wept, rested, withdrew, ate, and had boundaries. What physical sensations, emotions, or needs have you been labeling as inconvenient or even sinful?

What might God be communicating to you through your body that you've been trained to ignore?

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com for Faith-Integrated Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching. Soul Care Retreats

www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

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1. The Whole Person Matters to God

1 Thessalonians 5:23 says "May your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless." If God's sanctifying work encompasses every dimension of who we are, what areas of your physical or emotional health have you been neglecting under the belief that "spiritual" healing was enough?

What would it look like to invite God into those areas too?

2. Spiritual Bypassing vs. Authentic Faith

Psalm 34:18 tells us "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Jesus himself wept (John 11:35).

How have you used spiritual language — "I just need to trust God" or "I have the joy of the Lord" — to avoid sitting in genuine pain?

What does it mean to you that God draws closer in those moments rather than expecting you to be "past it"?

3. Discerning What's Actually Biblical

Colossians 2:8 warns us: "See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition...rather than Christ."

What beliefs about your body, your emotions, or seeking help have you assumed were biblical but may actually have been cultural or religious tradition? How do you personally test what you're being taught against the full counsel of Scripture?

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com for Faith-Integrated Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching. Soul Care Retreats

www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

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www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

1-855-771-HELP

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www.daniellenicolecoaching.com for Faith-Integrated Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching. Soul Care Retreats

www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

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1. Recognizing the Enemy's Strategies "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." – Ephesians 6:12

Which of the 10 enemy distortion strategies resonated most deeply with you? Write about specific ways you've experienced this strategy in your life. How has it kept you from experiencing God's love and freedom?

2. What I Did vs. Who I Am "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." – 2 Corinthians 5:17

Reflect on the distinction between "what I did" versus "who I am." Where have you allowed your past failures or sins to define your identity? What would it look like to separate your behavior from your belovedness in Christ?

3. Moving from Hiding to Being Known "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me... Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?" – Psalm 139:1, 7

I mentioned that "our true self cannot develop in isolation." What fears keep you hiding your real self from God and safe community? What might change if you stepped into vulnerability with people further along in the healing journey?

4. Breaking Free from Performance "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." – Matthew 11:28-29

Where are you exhausted from performing, striving, or trying to earn love? What would it look like to rest in being a "human being" rather than a "human doing"? How might God be inviting you to receive His grace instead of working for it?

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com for Faith-Integrated Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching. Soul Care Retreats

www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

1-855-771-HELP

https://christiancareconnect.com/

www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

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Here are 3 powerful journal prompts based on God's "I AM" declarations:

1. The God Who Simply IS Exodus 3:14 reveals that God is self-existent, eternal, and unchanging - He doesn't depend on anything or anyone else to exist. Reflect on areas where you've been seeking identity, worth, or stability from things that change (relationships, achievements, appearance, others' opinions). How might connecting with the "I AM" - the One who never changes - bring you the security you've been seeking elsewhere?

Scripture to sit with: "I AM WHO I AM" (Exodus 3:14), "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" (Hebrews 13:8)

2. Before Your Story Began In John 8:58, Jesus said "Before Abraham was, I AM" - existing outside of time, present before your family patterns began, before your trauma happened, before the lies took root. What would it mean for you to invite the eternal "I AM" into the timeline of your story? What might He want to speak over the moments that shaped the beliefs you carry about yourself?

Scripture to sit with: "Before Abraham was, I AM" (John 8:58), "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you" (Jeremiah 1:5)

3. Who Jesus Says "I AM" vs. Who You Believe You Are Jesus makes seven "I AM" declarations in John's Gospel about His identity and what He provides. What "I am" statements have you been believing about yourself (I am unworthy, I am too much, I am not enough, I am damaged, I am alone)? Write them down, then beside each one, write which of Jesus' "I AM" statements directly counters that lie.

Scripture to sit with: John 6:35, 8:12, 10:11, 11:25, 14:6, 15:1

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www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

1-855-771-HELP

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www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

1-855-771-HELP

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Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 slowly. As you read each characteristic of love (patient, kind, not self-seeking, etc.), reflect: What messages about love did I learn in childhood that contradict God's definition? Write about one specific "love lesson" from your family of origin and how it has shaped your relationships. How is God inviting you to unlearn this pattern and embrace His superior way of love?

The transcript speaks of shame as "turning on ourselves" and fearing exposure. Read Romans 8:1 ("There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"). Journal about a specific area where you still carry shame—where you feel "not good enough" or like a fraud. What would it look like to bring this into God's perfect love that "casts out fear" (1 John 4:18)? Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth about who He says you are in this area.

In Luke 9:23, Jesus calls us to "deny ourselves, take up our cross daily, and follow Him." The transcript explains this means denying our "shame-filled, self-seeking wounded selves" that seek love in counterfeit ways. What is your "Egypt"—the familiar but unhealthy pattern or coping mechanism you keep returning to when uncomfortable emotions arise? What comfort or false sense of control does it provide? What might God be inviting you to trust Him with instead as He leads you toward the "Promised Land" of freedom?

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1. Identifying Your Nervous System Patterns

Scripture: Psalm 139:23-24 - "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

The transcript mentions eight telltale signs of a heightened nervous system: overreacting to minor stressors, difficulty relaxing, hypervigilance, quick anger, difficulty trusting, physical symptoms, or shutting down when overwhelmed.

Ask God to search your heart and reveal which of these patterns He sees in you.

Write about a recent situation where you noticed this pattern showing up.

What was your nervous system trying to protect you from? What does God want to show you about this pattern?

2. The War Between Your Spirit-Led Self and Your "Trauma Self"

Scripture: Galatians 5:22-23 - "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Think about a recurring conflict in an important relationship.

Describe what your "trauma self" looks like in that conflict versus what your "spirit-led self" would look like walking in the fruits of the Spirit. Which fruit is hardest for you to access when you're triggered?

3.Dying to the False Self, Putting on the New Self

Scripture: Ephesians 4:22-24 - "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

What "coverings" or false identities have you hidden behind to survive and find acceptance? (Examples: achievement, control, people-pleasing, perfectionism, humor, toughness, staying invisible, busyness). These are your "old self"—the trauma-based adaptations you created outside of God's covering.

Write about the false self you've presented to the world versus the true self God formed in your mother's womb (Psalm 139:13-16).

What would it look like to "die to self"—not in shame or self-deprecation, but by surrendering your self-protective mechanisms and trusting God's covering?

Ask God: Who did You create me to be before trauma told me who I needed to become?

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1. Exploring the Image of God in You

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27

Reflect on what it means that you bear God's image—that your worth is ontological (based on your being) rather than functional (based on your doing):

• What aspects of God's character do you see reflected in how He uniquely created you? (Consider your creativity, capacity for love, ability to make choices, unique gifts, personality traits, etc.)
• How does believing you bear God's image change the way you speak to yourself? What would shift if you truly believed your worth exists independent of your performance, others' opinions, or your circumstances?
• Where have you been treating yourself with contempt or neglect—and how might that contradict God's heart toward His image-bearer (you)? What would it look like to honor the image of God in you through how you care for yourself today?

2. Holding the Tension: Beloved AND Broken

"While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:8

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" - 2 Corinthians 5:17

The biblical self is both fallen (affected by sin) and beloved (cherished by God). Sit with this paradox:

• What happens inside you when you focus only on your sinfulness and brokenness? How does that affect your relationship with God, yourself, and others?
• What happens when you focus only on being God's beloved without acknowledging your need for transformation and healing? Where might that lead to spiritual bypassing or avoiding necessary growth work?
• How can you hold both truths simultaneously—that you are completely loved as you are AND that you are being transformed into something more? What does it look like to extend yourself both grace (for where you are) and truth (about where growth is needed)?

3. Dying to Self vs. Neglecting Self

"Then he said to them all: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.'" - Luke 9:23

"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me... My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." - Matthew 26:38-39

Jesus modeled both honest self-awareness AND surrender to the Father's will. Explore what dying to self actually means:

• Make two lists: In one column, write what you've been taught "dying to self" means. In the other, write what Jesus actually modeled in Gethsemane (expressing feelings honestly, asking for needs to be met, stating what He wanted, then surrendering His will to the Father's).
• Where have you confused self-neglect with sanctification? Where have you ignored your body's signals, dismissed your legitimate needs, or silenced your voice—believing this was what it meant to follow Christ?
• What would it look like to follow Jesus' example—to be fully honest about your feelings and needs while also remaining surrendered to God's will? What is one area where you need to practice this kind of integration this week?

4. Stewarding the Self God Gave You

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

"We are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." - Ephesians 2:10

You are not your own—you're a steward of the life, body, mind, and calling God has entrusted to you:

• If you truly viewed yourself as God's temple and His handiwork that He is entrusting to your care, how would you treat yourself differently? What would change about your self-talk, your boundaries, your rest rhythms, or how you respond to your needs?
• Where have you been practicing poor stewardship of yourself—running on empty, ignoring warning signs, saying yes when you need to say no, or neglecting the very vessel through which God wants to do His work? What is that costing you, and what is it costing the kingdom work you're called to?
• What is one specific way you can practice faithful stewardship of yourself this week—honoring the image of God in you, caring for the temple He dwells in, and protecting the calling He's placed on your life? Write out a concrete commitment and ask God to help you follow through.

Take your time with these prompts. Let the Holy Spirit meet you in the process of discovery. There's no rush—healing and transformation happen in honest reflection and God's gentle leading, not in perfectly crafted answers.

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com for Faith-Integrated Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching. Soul Care Retreats

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Am I loving God, or just knowing about Him? Reflect on the difference between religious duty and true relationship. Are you spending time with God to know His character, promises, and power, or are you just checking spiritual boxes?

How am I expressing love according to 1 Corinthians 13? Read through the description of love (patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, etc.) and honestly assess: How am I demonstrating this love toward God? Toward myself? Toward others?

Where am I unplugged from the power of the Holy Spirit? Like a toaster oven that isn't plugged in, are there areas of your life where you're trying to love and serve in your own strength instead of acknowledging, receiving, and engaging with the Holy Spirit's power?

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Scripture: "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them." - 1 John 4:16

• How do you currently experience God's love? Is it primarily intellectual (you know He loves you) or experiential (you feel deeply loved by Him)?
• What barriers prevent you from fully receiving and resting in God's love for you?

Prayer of Surrender

Write a prayer surrendering your fears to God. Be specific about what you're afraid of and ask Him to replace fear with His perfect love.

Example structure:

• "God, I confess I'm afraid of __________"
• "This fear has caused me to __________"
• "I surrender this fear to You and ask You to replace it with Your perfect love"
• "Help me to trust that You are __________ (faithful/good/with me/in control)"

"I choose today to take one step of faith by __________"

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com for Faith-Integrated Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching. Soul Care Retreats

www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

1-855-771-HELP

https://christiancareconnect.com/

www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

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1. When you read "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind," which part feels hardest for you right now? (Heart? Soul? Mind?) Why might that be?
2. How comfortable are you with the idea of loving yourself? Does it feel selfish, biblical, difficult, or natural?
3. In what ways might the enemy be specifically attacking your ability to love—God, others, or yourself?
4. What would your life look like if you were completely free to live out this greatest commandment without hindrance?

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com for Faith-Integrated Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching. Soul Care Retreats

www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

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I am glad you here and I pray this podcast blesses, challenges, and grows you!

Dani

If you have any questions or comments- please reach out! hello@daniellenicolecoaching.com

www.daniellenicolecoaching.com for Faith-Integrated Trauma Informed Relationship Coaching. Soul Care Retreats

www.trinitywellnessgroup.com for Holistic Trauma Therapy in the State of PA Virtual & In-Person- 1-3 Day Intensives

DISCLAIMER NOTICE

For Counseling Referrals that integrate Biblical Worldview with therapy:

1-800-New Life

1-855-771-HELP

https://christiancareconnect.com/