CALL CHELSEA PERETTI

CCP CLASSICS: “RAINS COMIN’ IN!“

Tue, 01 Oct 2024 21:48:53 -0700

(file not found) patreon.com/callchelseaperetti

35. CUTEST LIL COHOST

Thu, 04 Jul 2024 00:52:00 -0700

Chelsea and her dog discuss squeaky sounds, documentaries (Tell Them You Love Me), Rie Parenting, and assess inventory of how product is moving. Also: gramma impressions, hummingbird asmr, big dogs. A blood pants customer calls to discuss carbon underwear. Chelsea tries to speak italian to the probable great shame of her ancestors.

34. POINT FIVE SPEED

Thu, 27 Jun 2024 00:24:00 -0700

Aisling Bea (plus 1) comes to reluctantly share her origin story as Chelsea continues to chase a Pulitzer for her intrepid journalistic instincts. Accents! Gigs! Bath calls! Psychics! In this episode Chelsea is told she has uk vibes and is queer-coded. The first Gay Test, sharing makeup, hygiene, 10-2 politics.

33. STORY HOUR WITH BRENDON WALSH

Thu, 20 Jun 2024 00:46:00 -0700

Chelsea’s longtime comedy bud Brendon Walsh joins us today! Chat about bad haircuts, being muted, micro-dosing, pants-off therapy, camping, and hanging curtains turns into Moth level storytelling about Brendon’s Philly childhood of pure violence.

32. TSUNAMI SUMMER SCHOOL

Thu, 13 Jun 2024 13:24:00 -0700

Nick Kroll joins the pod to talk to callers on their parents phone plans, take food tests, list allergies, and discuss things like Runyon Canyon lipquids and the smell of rainy school days.

31. A WHOLE NEW POD

Thu, 06 Jun 2024 04:58:00 -0700

Chelsea is joined by Scott Aukerman and Brendon Walsh for a very special all advertisement pod. Also with: Nick Kroll, Moshe Kasher, Aisling Bea.

30. JARS

Thu, 30 May 2024 02:00:00 -0700

A punning Rick Glassman and dazzling Chelsea meet for the first time, scrutinize each others mouth sounds, and discuss misophonic reactions to chip crunchin, ice chompin, and sharp perfumes. Also: Rick’s comfort in lying and lack of self-consciousness, Chelsea’s lack of feeling, the alpha/beta dynamic, Rick’s stand-up secret (act outs), merits of being high, Rick’s troubled left testicle, donuts vrs sundaes, a Chabbat caller bails, Detroit landmarks, a compelling vision of Chelsea on Rick’s podcast.

29. REUNITED

Thu, 23 May 2024 00:18:00 -0700

Todd Glass and Chelsea are reunited for a robust session of selling items with every ounce of their souls.

28. P MUNCHER JOE MANDE

Thu, 16 May 2024 02:00:00 -0700

Hacks writer and Tiktok enthusiast Joe Mande joins for a podcast that takes a neggy turn midway through, culminating in a pizza party! Callers watch TV and walk around creaky environments slamming doors through a discussion of: the Parks N Rec writers room, the societal merits of being a hater, Dave King's debate pod, how to approach celebs, gross social media recipes, fermented foods, babka, and what Joe pickles. Canned peaches girl calls again. A “bewildered” caller tells Chelsea she posts too much and doesnt get enough engagement. Another caller let's Chelsea know that her brother does not like Chelsea. A girl calls Joe: "Chris." A commenter says Joe looks 70. A girl describes her past lives, as explored through meditation. PCP and Fit Shortie. Slash g. Slash s.

27. WHAT IS YOUR BUDGET AND WHAT IS A TRINKET

Thu, 09 May 2024 00:00:00 -0700

Chelsea takes calls & goes through your voicemails, answering all your burning questions about social media resentments, hoarders, rejection, crushes, adult friendship, spontaneity lovers versus planners, family movies, celeb friends, rattlesnakes and other predator animals in cities, travel, coffee quitters, trinkets and gift-giving. A foreign government musician calls! A special voicemail music mix by the legendary Kooool Kojak.

26. MR MIMS

Thu, 02 May 2024 02:00:00 -0700

Author of the upcoming cookie recipe book "Crumbs", former food writer for the la times and die hard wendy williams fan joins CCP to discuss citrus, the pch, willow smith, marie kondo quitting, calling people honey, comment sections closing time vibes, cookie ice cream sandwiches, ozempic bruising, plastic use, composting and spaghetti limone. Canned peaches/tahini girl shocks the pod. A discussion of an ideal international record time. A campaign for charoset to be a year round snack. Chelsea is a new podcast listener and shares thoughts.

25. DELETE THIS PODCAST / “GREAT” “EP”

Thu, 25 Apr 2024 02:00:00 -0700

Chelsea chats about robot overlords then makes several half-hearted attempts at guided visualizations with largely disinterested callers who probably have Aphantasia. An overlong discussion of B12. Salad talk. A celebration of Kojak’s songs. Comment section outrage. Sweet tooth snacks. Protein. A brown recluse cameo featuring tunneling necrotic flesh.

24. APHANTASIA, MOIST FLESH, DAMPFRANCISCO & SUPER TASTERS

Thu, 18 Apr 2024 02:50:00 -0700

Concord's own Blake Anderson is in studio for a high-octane, alarming ep in which we learn that Aphantasia, though it affects 1% of the population, affects 95% of CCP callers. Harrowing updates on a past ep's attack mini poodle and Chelsea's Blokudoku score. A hyper, coffee-fueled, spooky consortium on coyotes, mountain lions, work passwords, airports, Cycle Yanks, and rabies. Chelsea chases another Pulitzer in her deep dive investigative journalism around key words: "Virginia" and 'dogs" and introduces the show's first SuperGavel(tm). Some food tests. Episode culminates in a super-taster test strip tasting.

23. A ROIS BY ANY OTHER NAME

Thu, 11 Apr 2024 03:13:00 -0700

Chelsea has garish accidentally purple eyebrows and hosts comedy genius Roisin Canarty. As Chelsea squints for invisible subtitles that never come, she learns about claggy foods, sliding fruit, and the best mascara.

22. KEEP IT TRUCKIN

Thu, 04 Apr 2024 01:33:00 -0700

A very bay ep with one of chelseas jr high school besties, a dr w a phd in theology and impeccable penmanship, Sarai Crain comes to the show. Songs! A discussion of being silly as a survival mechanism in 7th and 8th grades, shy roasters, crimped bangs, perms, rayon as a dominant textile, starter jackets, used leggings. Chelsea learns that many of her callers used to be emo. Chelsea as a failed blond. A callers Brazilian Petroleum fail and a teachers “sounds naive” in red ink. DJP caller ! First time drunk. Oysters / mussels / spengers. Chelsea learns she has mispronounced Appalachian her whole life.

21. THE SIDESLEEPER VIRUS

Thu, 28 Mar 2024 03:00:00 -0700

Chelsea is interviewed by a strange and largely benevolent robot in this very special episode. With her directorial debut "First Time Female Director" out on Roku, a PMSing Chelsea takes a sudden philosophical interest in the world of criticism and review culture, envies scientists, mourns for Wendy Williams, explores the most polite way to say one has to go to the bathroom, and learns about pillow weight gain. Caller "Golden Tickets" and the first "Ozempic Food Test" are introduced. Longtime podcaster, first time crying on podcast
podcaster.

20. THE SUN’LL COME OUT, JEFF MAURO

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 01:18:00 -0700

"The Sandwich King" Jeff Mauro, whose aunt was head of rat patrol for the city of Chicago, pops by to eat his favorite sandwich and share a malted milkshake. He and Chelsea invent the seesaw technique, and discuss Chuck e Cheese pizza, Katsu, habitual toasters, char, bean sandiwches, eggplant and tahdig, rice, hinged rolls, gloppy food like egg salad, and ciabatta aka she-broughta bread. A caller introduces the first ever "Dog Test!" Chelsea starts typing a podcast show bible and is almost taken out by a caraway seed.

19. UTTERLY COWTRAGEOUS

Thu, 14 Mar 2024 00:19:00 -0700

Entertainer-to-the-bone Paul Scheer, hot off a cold plunge, blasts into the CCP studio for a late in the day coffee and high-octane, wordplay-heavy chat about highly sensitive people, "sir" as a slur, work emails, work costumes, cannoli, Yordy Rance, cold cases, OCD, intrusive thoughts, personality disorders, age. A therapist calls and refuses to diagnose Chelsea. Crying at a Veteran's hospital and children's hospital. Dog gurneys. Aliens.

BONUS: POWERS CRISTIA! WITH BENNY AND KATE

Sat, 09 Mar 2024 11:15:00 -0800

In this very special episode Chelsea is joined by two Rokuligans, comedy geniuses, and cast members of First Time Female Director: Benito Skinner and Kate Berlant. Benny roasts Chelsea’s phone while Chelsea nurses her hand wounds from a fall on the way into studio. They attempt a variety of accents, discuss the merits of setting spray, and a caller raises awareness on the emergency blueberry bagel as medicine for stomach viruses. Kate arrives and the trio speaks on Beaudegas, marzipan and princess cake, yucca fries, la restaurants, sparkling tea, the breville bambino, teeth, veneers, salmon recipes, air fryer issues,microwaves versus cooking over the cauldron, cheese, breastmilk, Roku city, Mexico city, girl couch, Bennys tv show, Kate's stage show, and becoming a cheesemonger apprentice as a mid-life career shift.

18. DRUGSTORE JUNE AND FIRST TIME FEMALE DIRECTOR

Thu, 07 Mar 2024 02:00:00 -0800

Two prominent women in film, beauty influencer Esther Povitsky and renowned shut-in Chelsea Peretti, come together to discuss food, almost exclusively. You can see them starring in “First Time Female Director” on Roku Friday March 8 and Drugstore June on Apple March 8. Do a double-header or just watch Chelsea’s. Thanks!

17. THE DAY THE TOOTH GOT LOOTH

Thu, 29 Feb 2024 02:00:00 -0800

Quad-dominant podcaster Chelsea Peretti listens to your voicemails, takes calls, and ponders the very meaning of time in this musically front-heavy episode. A sailor pop song! A jellyfish attack! An exercise clothing vendor! A dramatic recipe monologue. Pottery. Santa's anus. Lavender lattes. Etc.

16. BOOK OF RISKS

Thu, 22 Feb 2024 08:04:00 -0800

Chelsea welcomes highlining daredevil Faith Dickey to talk the wild world of highlining, when you walk across a rope super high up. Why is it valuable to do scary things? Is moderation the key to longevity? Infrared, compression sleeves, scrapers, epsom salts. Callers share what risks they take. An aspiring stand-up calls. Airplane etiquette. A solo round of "Who's Slurpin." Shoestring, curly, waffle, and steak fries. Malt vinegar. Brown sauce. Voicemails. The gap between the invention of bread and the invention of sandwiches. A call for food historians. Medieval food banquet fantasy. Cottage cheese. Flirting.

15. NECESSITY OR INCLINATION

Thu, 15 Feb 2024 01:38:00 -0800

The first lady of lattes and queen of caffeine is joined by legendary comedian Natasha Leggero, hot off of taking her shirt off onstage. Chelsea tries not to talk over people as a previous callers husband calls from the Catskills, a lady calls from her bath, and a stay at home dad calls to talk about shoulders. Natasha shirks gatekeeping and shares her lipstick and over-all brands as well as a secret for delicious tea. Discussion of a potty trained cat, people pleasers, fake aging hacks, chores, Emily Mariko, pottery, parenting, blondes, sex dreams, and pronunciation of words. Chelsea invents the Art History Gym Enrichment Program. Buy Natasha’s book “The World Deserves My Children”

14. ADAM SCOTT: PEANUT BUTTER MANIA

Thu, 08 Feb 2024 02:00:00 -0800

In this episode, alternately titled: SCIENTISTS ARE PLAYING GAMES WITH OUR MOUTHS, as well as PB & C & S, Adam Scott and Chelsea make a TJs run to grab repetitively named snacks and return to the stude to sample them. Chelsea has consistent trouble speaking, flabbergasted by the sheer volume of peanut-based snacks in what quickly devolves into a nightmare. Imagine a 1 hr 20 min long rollercoaster (where the ride is relatively flat). That is this episode.
A danish kringle, a cannoli dip, some elote chips, 500 sweet peanut-based snacks, plus hummus - all along for the ride!
Plus! A pao de quiejo foley artist? Yes. Stay nutty, you psychotic peanut freaks!!!...

13. JOE BITIN’

Thu, 01 Feb 2024 09:30:00 -0800

In peak award season, Chelsea lures "Jury Duty" break-out star (and Chicago's own) RASHIDA “SHEEDZ” OLAYIWOLA to the studio to slurp coff and talk Altimas. They read fake car ads. They chat about Hollywood: flash differential on the red carpet, how nobody 10-2s, weak eye contact at LA parties, and auditioning. Chelsea harps on the fact that the fork doesn't seem to have evolved. AND THEN, out of nowhere, a therapist with the gift of the gab shares a tale of a dinner party gone awry. One small dog's relentless bitin' spree? One giant step backward for humankind.

12. A CATALINA DDT DUMPSITE, AMONGST OTHER THINGS

Thu, 25 Jan 2024 02:00:00 -0800

Chelsea, called "a beacon of femininity" by one caller, draws compulsive hearts on a notepad while leading a riveting discussion about over-identifying with your generation label. She gives advice to a woman dating a man who fails to tell her he has a child. She chats about things like "The Notebook" with a charming first-gen Egyptian dude. B99 fans call. A Golden Caller emerges. A desert dog hike mishap. Blonde roast coffee, Kraft dinner, kale, apples, and unfortunately: peanut butter.

11. CLACK AND SLAP

Thu, 18 Jan 2024 02:00:00 -0800

Have you ever been attacked by a massive Grizzly bear on the top of a mountain where no one can hear your screams? This week’s guest Alex Messenger has! Chelsea welcomes the chipper bear attack survivor and his massive vocabulary to the show with open, giddy arms.

10. CHELS PP SOLOCAST

Thu, 11 Jan 2024 02:00:00 -0800

Chelsea delivers a solo pod, manic, with wet hair, and two coffees deep. Breaking news! Opening songs! A shocking stance on vibrato! A new shoe reveal! Caller voicemails from a sad bday girl, a man who shat in nature, a group texter, a man questioning humans as interspecies "heroes," a dog bite survivor, a lady with no taste, an old timey lass yearning for love, and a dude with a powerful Chels PP name pitch. Chelsea imagines a dream news cycle and a utopian world. Chelsea thinks her Blockudoku score is high (it's not) and thus that maybe her IQ is high (it's probably not). Bone Broth. Benefits of whistling. Bear country and bear running speed. Caller emails.

9. AM I AWARE?

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 02:00:00 -0800

Hot off his new special Pete Holmes chews nicotine gum and joins Chelsea for a scholarly spiritual exploration. A discussion of the end of holiday cheer, gradients of sobriety, memory photo albums, missing your "comedy class," intrusive thoughts, breath work, not being poly, sleep, yoga, and snacks. Pete asks himself questions and quotes Boy Genius, Eckhart Tolle, Alan Watts, Ram Dass, and Rupert Spira. Old references like MOTPC and MYM and Deec PJ. Chelsea brings a real live gavel to make snap judgements! Callers discuss foods. Please sound off in the comments...

8. SINGY AND CLINGY

Thu, 28 Dec 2023 02:00:00 -0800

Musician Will Schwartz joins Chelsea for a joyous pod full of songs and singing about boundaries, love, and technology. Will contemplates his past life as a comedic personality. A caller infuriatingly calls all buttons “buzzers.” Chelsea writes live emails to a variety of experts. We peruse the case of Atlanta Andrew, a recluse without a door, and Toronto Josh (subjected by his husband to radio silence). We close it out with a caller who was attacked by a vicious dog!

7. SLURP WARS

Thu, 21 Dec 2023 02:00:00 -0800

Tim Heidecker joins Chelsea in her 500 degree studio to take turns spiraling and ask callers to play a game called: "Who's Slurpin'?" Han calls. A 28 year old caller from Perth has searing insight into Tim's past visits to Perth! Ghosts, energy, spirit, and soul. Tim plays one of his songs. A caller shares some acting class lunacy involving bone breakage. We examine the irksome blase tone of cooking content. Daddy's dinner bell. Tim's fans call and promote his entire body of work. A poly dude whose therapist skipped out on him buries the lede. Library intrusive thought direction. Suspenders, California. Olives, meatballs, lemons, empanadas, mac n cheese, green bean casserole, pizza, and balsamic glaze. A loose goose-attack framework.

6. I LOVE BEING A SPECK OF DUST

Thu, 14 Dec 2023 02:00:00 -0800

A mom calls for momtalk. A dude with a deep belly button shares his challenges and triumphs. A discussion of how to get off social media. Car crash alerts. A hematologist calls. An eyeliner rec. Military time. Rubbery pancakes and waffles. Grama impressions and reflections. Food test: gravy. Talking to callers like cute dogs. A barista calls from Alaska. And finally an interview with a couple who replaced their massive grass lawn with a native wildflower garden, thus inspiring their neighbors and the world beyond.

5. YOU ARE NOT THE SAME

Thu, 07 Dec 2023 02:00:00 -0800

On this episode, we dive into the sci-fi world of head injuries and brain problems. Two legendary guests join us: Dr. Langer, Chair of Neurosurgery at Lenox Hill Hospital, and star of two riveting Netflix docu-series "Emergency NYC" and "Lenox Hill," AND: Morgan Murphy, kiss-ready comedian and Abbott Elementary writer extra-ordinaire. Plus calls from various afflicted parties, blithering on with so-and-so and whosy whatsit. Thanks to iHeart music catalog for an exploration of musical nirvana.

4. PROXY ANIMAL ATTACK STORIES CULMINATING IN ACTUAL ANIMAL ATTACKS

Thu, 30 Nov 2023 02:00:00 -0800

A mouse encounter. A lady swims “near” a shark. Two insane girls call. Just another day on the pod until some Brit in the medical profession shares a harrowing dog attack tale. Finally, composer Chris Lennertz calls and details his BEAR ATTACK STORY!!!!! *JACKPOT SOUND EFFECT* Hashtag bear attack. Hashtag Lake Tahoe. Hashtag jackpot sound effect.

BEST OF CCP 1 - WEIRDOS, FREAKS, AND OUTCASTS

Thu, 30 Nov 2023 02:00:00 -0800

German legend Oliver calls to inquire after his mysterious letter and Chelsea shares with him about the common practices in Hollywood. A baseball player takes us on a party-boi rollercoaster. An Australian caller gives Chelsea a chance to practice her accent. Chelsea's ex "Chance" (nick kroll) - calls and shares about his copycat podcast and tries to get back with Chelsea until she says yes, at which point he's out. "I loved you too much to date you." A jackpot food test including: swordfish, sundried tomatoes, kale. A gent explores love and the loneliness of puking on an airplane. Esteemed actress Retta calls from the set of Parks and Recreation to fantasize about coyote hill life, magic sike, etc. A caller calls his mom a broke bitch and shares about their relationship and breaks into song. Nacho talk. A cruel homecoming prank. Crying hard during Batman. Coyote guard donkeys who karaoke. Questionable parenting stories. And finally, honey-voiced singing legend Richard Marx - calls and sings, discusses hits, shares about writing songs with Luther Vandross and calls the "Coffee Crankin'" anthem pitchy.

A very special CCP: THACHER ISLAND

Thu, 23 Nov 2023 11:27:00 -0800

Chelsea debuts a new dramatic play-in-progress reading excerpt at Vulture Fest, this time set against the backdrop of a barren island off the coast of Massachusetts. "Thacher Island" features a fisherwoman marooned on an island whose son is mysteriously lost at sea, a seagull named Silver, a dark secret, and a pair of strange visitors who may change things forever... Q&A follows. Starring John Early, Kaitlin Olson, and Xosha Roquemore. Stage directions read by Deanna Barillari.

2, TRENDS, AFFLICTIONS, BAKED GOODS

Thu, 16 Nov 2023 13:02:00 -0800

Tinseltown MUA Nova Kaplan visits the studio to discuss tiktok makeup trends such as: pumpkin girl makeup, cloud makeup, faux freckles, red carpet looks, and stage makeup, while giving Chelsea a "Latte Girl" beat. Chelsea tries to get her barky dog to bark and learns he is no show-pony. A caller pretends she has old skin. A lass with mild eczema on her knuckles shares her girlfriend's harrowing medical tale. A gent is mysteriously cured of Psoriasis. Famous dermatologist Dr. Emma dishes on bot flies and her gory skin disorder series "Save My Skin." She compares cutting open boils and cysts to unboxing videos. Immediately thereafter Ojai Bakestress Emily Alben penetrates Chelsea's mouth with 3 types of LEMONY DESSERT!!! Chelsea erroneously whitesplains hot sauce! Etc. Plus: slammin' new music cues from the iheart vault!

1. 69 AND SHREDDED

Thu, 09 Nov 2023 02:00:00 -0800

The Call Chelsea Podcast returns with calls about PEPSI LOVING BEARS! CARROT LOVING HORSES! TUCKED SHEETS! BAKED POTATOES! Featuring ASMR, coffee songs, an analysis of trying to get shredded (including push-up condescension), new sound effects, couture sound effects, a caller named Crisp, and a caller who treats Chelsea like a patient. Cake pops emerge as a super villain. From meandering to over-produced - there’s sure to be something for everyone! Aggressive sound work done in post by friend of the show and music producer Kool Kojak.

CALL CHELSEA PERETTI: THE PREQUEL. IN ANOTHER DIMENSION!!!!!

Thu, 02 Nov 2023 02:00:00 -0700

The legendary podcast returns, imagining what happened BEFORE it in time AND space- jk its just a new version of the pod! Now with interviews, live taste tests, special guests, makeovers, video, and stuff like that but still maintaining the integrity of medical and bear fixations. And you: the caller.