The Burgess Lovecast

Episode 79: Danny Elfman Eugenics

Fri, 19 Jan 2024 08:00:00 -0600

We're breeding a new kind of cinematic experience. Also, what if the fun COULD stop?

There's more: ZONK!, Dad Advice, Thin Lizzy but Censored, Fred Lines, Fool Pants, The Penguin Runs the Tim Horton's, WHAT's more DANGEROUS than ASPARTAME?, Normandy Beach Potato Chips

Episode 78: How to Cook Andouille Sausage the Right Way

Wed, 22 Mar 2023 15:33:14 -0500

The Big Goose Industry is back, and it's taken another victim.

Also: There's been a(nother) murder, the Pants Press-Gazette Returns, Old-timey baseballer or Dickens?, and What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?

Episode 77: Episode 77 - Mr. ”Jigsaw” Wilson and the Menace

Mon, 20 Feb 2023 13:49:00 -0600

*static crackles on old TV, then cuts revealing weird evil puppet* Dennis, you've spent your life being a menace... Other things: We were being gross, What's In Your Glass?, Deadlines, Why didn't we get a trampoline?, What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?, Sleepy cheesecake.

Episode 76: Episode 76 - The Trolley Problem but with Fire

Mon, 09 Jan 2023 15:23:00 -0600

Smokey the Bear left us, and the world is in shambles. Also featuring: The Concoction, Microplastic Goodness, Andrew Pitches a New Segment, Fire, Fool Pants, What is More Dangerous than Aspartame, and yeah, we comment on Southwest.

Episode 75: Episode 75 - Bikearrhea

Thu, 30 Sep 2021 08:23:00 -0500

My turtle isn't great with finances. Other things: Bob Ross Comment Section, Bicycle Shit Bag, Nerf Squirrels, More Diarrhea

Episode 74: Episode 74 - The Quantum Physics of Fairy Rings

Mon, 19 Apr 2021 21:08:00 -0500

All we wanted was a lovely stroll through the park, but instead you gotta call me a pillock. Other things: They Offer a Wash and Fold Service; How to Make a Good Patty Melt; You're Not Going to Heaven if I'm Not; What Is the Plural of Pillock; SPRING HAS SPRUNGING; I Know What a Grandma Is; Turn the Reverb Up While You're At It

Episode 73: Episode 73 - Tom Hanks’ Bird Casino & Sinkhole

Wed, 07 Apr 2021 15:28:00 -0500

I just didn’t want to have to pay rent anymore. How did I end up here? Other things: They Are All Inside Bill Murray; A Bird Casino and Potato Salad; A Sweaty Pizza Mess; We Lose All of our Italian Endorsements; Plenty of Other Ways to Poison Your Child

Episode 72: Episode 72 - I Need to Know What a Basement Hangout Is

Tue, 23 Mar 2021 15:31:00 -0500

So let's say a murder occurred in your home, and let's say you didn't do it. Or maybe you did. It doesn't matter. What matters is your daughter is a little mad about it. Other things: We're Sorry, Your New Favorite Pizza-chaini, An Unfinished Patio, The Fahrenheit of Margins, Get Outta Here Feudalism!, The Worst Possible Future

Episode 71: Episode 71 - That Squirrel Had a Family

Tue, 16 Mar 2021 15:11:00 -0500

Fluffers challenges you to a steel cage match, and someone's not leaving alive. Other things: Old, Cold, and a Little Bold; Cowboy Pirates; Hey That's MY Storm Shelter; Opening the Big Heavy Door

Episode 70: Episode 70 - The Turkey Tidbits Recess

Tue, 23 Feb 2021 15:07:00 -0600

My esteemed colleagues, in these difficult times, we can all agree on one thing - it's Turkey Tidbits day, and we're all too hungry to deal with any of this. Other things: A 7-year-old Scumbag, Andrew's Plan to Exorcise Florida, Valentine's Day Butt Washin's, Please Don't let my Save Status Burn, A Hot Cup of Porridge

Episode 69: Episode 69 - Come On Down to my Secret Door

Mon, 01 Feb 2021 15:45:00 -0600

Listen, when you purchase a haunted house, this is in the realm of possibilities. This is part of the deal. Other things to talk about: Corn on the COB, No good clowns can come from this, Movie Time with Uncle Pants, FiscRepDramCom, a nice Espressanini in Falmouth, and Fuckin' Nick.

Episode 68: Episode 68 - The Strudel Fund

Wed, 18 Nov 2020 12:03:00 -0600

If you're late for strudels, then you don't get any strudels. No exceptions. Other things: System of a Down Watch 2K20, FOOL PANTS with TURKEY STUFF, You Can Do Whatever You Want With You Spaghetti, Lamb Sauce, Rabies the Clown

Episode 67: Episode 67 - The All New 2020 Vulvy Hatchback

Tue, 30 Jun 2020 13:43:00 -0500

It's the safest car on the market, and it comes in pink. Thanks dad! Other things: Wet Lawn Furniture, A Subtle Altercation, A Racist Siren, Randomly Generated Bugles,Two C's at the Front, Mini Momcast!, Surrounded by Wolves

Episode 66: Episode 66 - The World’s Longest T-shirt

Tue, 23 Jun 2020 13:21:00 -0500

I won't go to this gay bar without my T-shirt novel. Other things: Dads Hate Brunch, Illegally Copying Sousa, Vegan BBQ Surprise, Real Bacon Bits

Episode 65 - A Tertiary Pump

Thu, 30 Apr 2020 12:51:43 -0500

This time around: It's the scruple of a lifetime, and it involves your sister-in-law, your father, and some other things!

Also: At Least We're Consistent, Murphy's Law, It Worked in the Bible, Knocking on Wood Flippantly, Red Pill, Trumpet Hits, and BEES SO MANY BEES.

Episode 65: Episode 65 - A Tertiary Pump

Thu, 30 Apr 2020 12:14:00 -0500

This time around: It's the scruple of a lifetime, and it involves your sister-in-law, your father, and some other things! Also: At Least We're Consistent, Murphy's Law, It Worked in the Bible, Knocking on Wood Flippantly, Red Pill, Trumpet Hits, and BEES SO MANY BEES.

Episode 64: Episode 64 - Skeleton Pirate Warriors

Tue, 17 Mar 2020 17:25:00 -0500

Let's say you need to procure swords to do battle against your ex. Will the court allow? Other talking points: Chris Matthews is a Baked Potato, How to be The Cool Mom, Fool Pants with Leprechaun Magic, Very Brown Liquid, Trial by Combat.

Episode 63: Episode 63 - We Havin’ Sloppy Joes Tonight!

Mon, 27 Jan 2020 16:44:00 -0600

How about we just stick to using our mouths to taste things? How about that? Also up for discussion: Porm, Stronger than a Gorilla?, Eggs in MY Vagina? Flavor Edging, You Read the Latest John Grisham?

Episode 62: Episode 62 - Dentures for Daddy!

Tue, 07 Jan 2020 15:52:00 -0600

Guys, I'm totally gonna fire this guy right before Christmas. I have to. Other stuff: Fancy Sleeping, Drinking Bug Spray, My Car Exploded, Yeah That's High Fidelity Alright.

Episode 61: Episode 61 - That Sweet, Sweet Bird

Wed, 04 Dec 2019 23:32:00 -0600

It's Thanksgiving, now give me those dirty, birdy bits. Also: 7th Heaven Starts an Unfortunate Craze, We're Coming of Age, Turkey Day Un-invite, That Damn Rainbow Connection, Irrational Things that Sting, Why Eat Pie?, The Swanman Cometh

Episode 60: Episode 60 - Mickey Rourke’s Goo Pod

Sun, 24 Nov 2019 12:29:00 -0600

This time around: is it OK to wear a Geek Squad shirt for ironic reasons? How do I know if she’s actually my friend, considering the whole Geek Squad T-shirt situation? Other stuff: Sam Neill threatens our children, Can you just become a Freemason?, Being a #swolboy, We don't understand Mickey Rourke.

Episode 59: Episode 59 - 31 and Thirsty

Wed, 13 Nov 2019 17:21:00 -0600

Podcasters 29M/32M want to know - What happens when you accidentally realize you want to marry a cam girl? Or at least hang out for a bit? Other talking points: Poorly planned wedding proposals, Rants in my Pants, and Eels? Eels are more dangerous than aspartame? Featuring Dutchy McOats.

Episode 58: Episode 58 - Open-Office Concept Harry Potter

Sun, 26 May 2019 13:42:00 -0500

It's been like 5 months! Welcome us back! This episode: Sonic the Hedgehog is fine shut up, Kat fixes her broken bathroom, and the return of your favorite podcast bear! 2:30 - It's been five months 5 - Katrina went to Argentina! 12 - Sonic loves Mellencamp 19 - Stone Cold did what? 23 - KAT'S CORNER 33 - an update on RALL E. CAMEL 35 - WHAT'S MORE DANGEROUS THAN ASPARTAME

Episode 57: Episode 57 - MOMCAST V: He’s Not Stroking, He’s Strumming!

Thu, 06 Dec 2018 18:36:00 -0600

The boys celebrate Thanksgiving back home! Keldog returns! More guests are here! Teeth and foreskin?! 1:00 we're in the Motherland 2:30 What's In Pants's Glass? 8:00 Keldog's Corner 14:00 Mom, I'm growing too fast! 21:00 Drink break 27:00 Mom Reads Rap Lyrics 34:00 What's More Dangerous Than Aspartame 56:00 Andrew Cheats at Children's Games

Episode 56: Episode 56 - Honey Shats

Sat, 20 Oct 2018 19:36:00 -0500

This episode - Bob Barker kills your dog, Ladies Love Cool Things, we play games that you can’t play with us, and thank God we have an editor. We have interactive games this time - see more on our website, www.burgess.love. 01:30 I'm not worth anything 03:00 A few bad Bob Barker impersonations 08:00 We're Not Bringing Lil Bow Wow Into This 16:30 BOSS FIGHT 33:00 Drink Break 34:00 another game you can't play, thanks 41:00 What's More Dangerous Than Aspartame?

Episode 55: Episode 55 - Boofin’ Goose

Tue, 04 Sep 2018 18:02:00 -0500

The gang spends way too much time talking about how to be a millennial parent. Seriously, just Google it? 01:00 It feels like years. 02:00 I am the whirlpool 09:30 Why are so many podcasts named after butts 29:00 Pants rehashes old material for some reason 31:00 What's More Dangerous than Straws?

Episode 54: Episode 54 - Box Empty, Please Fill

Mon, 18 Jun 2018 12:58:00 -0500

2 - Poem slamming 5 - What's in Pants' glass? 10 - Eat that spaghetti 13 - Backstory - the Strawberry Man 24 - Kat's Corner - Call before you fucking dig 27 - Make lasagna! 36 - Make brats? 45 - What's More Dangerous than Aspartame This week, call before you fuckin dig, learn to make lasagna under threat of death, and go ahead, suck on those toes, we guess.

Episode 53: Episode 53 - Living in a John Elton Universe

Mon, 26 Feb 2018 19:43:00 -0600

Woody Harrelson gets naked, John Goodman has a mustache, we rob a bank. Who wants some eggs? 2 Martin Sheen + Woody 8 Inside a Bunker with John Goodman 13 Brought to you by... 22 Who wants some eggs? 32 BACKSTORY 40 An absolute shit show 50 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?

Episode 52: Episode 52 - Not Meant for Human Consumption

Thu, 28 Dec 2017 11:04:00 -0600

Joe Biden is a super cool ghost, what the hell is wrong with Grape Nuts, and we learn how far Pants will go to seduce someone while wearing loud clothing. 0 - Well, this week's a wash 6:30 - What's in your glass? 9:30 - The Ghost of Joe Biden 17 - Backstory! 21 - Why do people eat Grape Nuts 27 - ASK PANTS ANYTHING 45 - Kat's Corner - Yet another Tinder date!!! 50 - What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?

Episode 51: Episode 51 - The Amazing Twinkie!

Tue, 17 Oct 2017 21:37:00 -0500

This week - camels do coke, R Kelly makes a surprise guest appearance, Kat summons magic spiders, and an imaginary bear gives everyone important life advice. 3:00 WE LISTEN TO NPR 10:00 This podcast brought to you by 15:00 PASTA 20:00 We make Trump good 26:00 Gotta Go Piss (In The Woods) 31:00 KAT'S CORNER MAGIC 44:00 BE A LEADER 52:00 EAT CHEETOS 1:06 Strip clubs are the worst

Episode 50: Episode 50 - #NineYearsAgo (Even More Giamatti)

Tue, 29 Aug 2017 19:09:00 -0500

The boys and Kit Kat celebrate 50 episodes! We dig into the vault and remember some of the good ol' times. Also, Trump stares at the sun, and Paul Giamatti guest stars, again! 00:30 Choose your own intro! 3:00 What's in your glass?! 9:00 The Sun Amiright 12:30 KAT'S CORNER 18:30 IT'S OUR 50TH EPISODE 48:00 A look back at some of our favorite episodes 56:00 BACKSTORY (no Batman!)

Episode 49: Episode 49 - MOMCAST IV: A New Hope

Wed, 19 Jul 2017 11:43:00 -0500

Kat gets hustled by a floor sander, Andrew is a surly teenager, everyone mispronounces LA CROIX, we all shock the monkey, and Bags tunes his "ick-tar." 00:45 - Pants runs analytics about Staind? 02:00 - Mom doesn't get Snapchat 07:00 - We have zero content prepared / Kat's Corner 11:00 - #ad 15:00 - Pants was a surly teenager 18:30 - What's in Pants's Glass? / Pants has a fancy dinner date 26:00 - KELDOG tells embarrassing stories about Bags 30:00 - KELDOG reads death metal lyrics 38:00 - What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?

Episode 48: Episode 48 - I’m the Birthday Bitch

Sun, 18 Jun 2017 12:50:00 -0500

Pants turned 30, Bags fell and broke everything, Kat had a Tinder date with a paralegal, and everyone has sweaty summer butts. 1 Fake Howard Stern 3:30 What's In Your Glass? 11 It's my birthday, bitch 15:45 Bags fell. 35 Kat's Corner: What Is Tinder Ghosting? 48 What's More Dangerous Than Aspartame

Episode 47: Episode 47 - KITTYPASTE

Sun, 04 Jun 2017 17:32:00 -0500

Pants fixes Washington, Kit Kat buys a house, and Robert knows how to get down. 00:45 That sounds bad 3:30 I'm concerned about our fans... 10:00 Kat's Corner - Kat bought a house! 15 Olive Garden is not safe for women 20 Pants fixes Washington 30 Pants gets his shit delivered 41 #WorstSong to play during the money shot of a porno 52 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame??

Episode 46: Episode 46 - Trashcast I: Demystifying the Anus

Wed, 22 Mar 2017 20:51:00 -0500

1 It's St Baggy's Day! 6 Pants has a bone to pick 24 Make America Ass Again 32 Kat's Korner 37 #WorstSong 50 Makes You Think With B Cobb 57 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame The gang (+ guests!) get tanked for St. Patty's Day, we talk about anuses, the Rock puts Billy Crystal through a god-dang table, and we play our favorite games, too, so sayeth the spider. Drink every time we say "drink"!

Episode 45: Episode 45 - Snail Mail Dick Pics

Sat, 28 Jan 2017 15:15:00 -0600

We'll squeal for ya, free planes for everybody, and Kit Kat gets dick pic'ed. 0 Didja fall in? 5 Pants & Susan 15 Kat's Corner! Our Millennial Housewife. 21 "That's some dude's wiener" 30 MiketheAdmin can't hear us 37 What's In Your Glass 41 Patrick Stewart is shit, apparently 45 2 Phones 51 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame

Episode 44: Episode 44 - Momcast III: The Two Towers

Mon, 05 Dec 2016 21:41:00 -0600

This week: We mansplain to our mother. Pants delves into Furry culture. Walter Mondale is a pussy. Crazy Uncle Donny is our president, we guess. And Keldog gets toasted and reads death metal lyrics. 0 How drunk is mom? 4 What's In Pants' Glass? 10 Lunchables are an unneeded declicacy. 14 Pants' first Thanksgiving 30 Crazy Uncle Donny is President 41 Keldog is old and dry 1:06: Mom reads death metal lyrics 1:19 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame

Episode 43: Episode 43 - Charlton Heston Goes Nanners Part II: Chuck Fucks a Couch

Tue, 18 Oct 2016 20:18:00 -0500

TBLC 43: Charles Heston Goes Nanners II: Chuck Fucks A Couch 0 Katrina Fucked Up the Beer Run 8 Bags wrestles as a federal judge 12 How do we rank against other podcasts? 20 Charles Heston Goes Nanners II 36 #WorstSong to have come on shuffle when you're 'in the mood' 57 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame? Mike Pence is a misogynist jar of mayonnaise, we're still in the Forbes 500, Charlton Heston fucks a piece of furniture, Pants attempts to make a Tinder account.

Episode 42: Episode 42: Babbitt and Brazelton

Tue, 30 Aug 2016 20:39:00 -0500

Pants has a run-in with the scary shovel guy from Home Alone. Bags is lost at sea. Are Amber Alerts more effective than milk cartons? (Yes). And finally, we're not as witty as we think we are. 0 Pants has an IMDB page 5 We'll do a greater than median job. 9 What's In Your Glass? 12 Are Amber Alerts more effective than milk cartons? 17:30 Pants has to at least try ASMR 24 Bags is lost at sea 40 DOUBLE BRAD 46 Pants makes a goddamn drink 54 Backstory: Hero Dad 56 #WorstSong to have as your ringtone during a job interview 1:09 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?

Episode 41: Episode 41 - Momcast II: The Beast Awakens

Wed, 17 Aug 2016 22:50:00 -0500

This week, it's the return of #Keldog. Our mom is back on the show, she's three Stoli's deep, and she's ready to rumble. We play all our favorite games, including mom reading death metal lyrics. She also recounts descriptive stories of our births. It's gross. 0 Every episode is special 5:30 What's in your glass? 13 Who Is Harambe? Our mom weighs in. 15:30 What Has Erik Committed to Memory 19 Backstory? Backgammon Story. 28 Oh my God, why are we talking about Bridgegate 31 Keldog AMA 48 Our mom gets fired from Burger King 54 Mom Reads Death Metal Lyrics 1:09 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame

Episode 40: Episode 40 - Christmas in July, Harambe’s Revenge

Sun, 31 Jul 2016 21:20:00 -0500

It's Christmas in July! We have a new EP, Pants does a Ted Cruz impersonation, and we are struck by the adversity of hot air balloon accidents. 0 The Vivica A Fox Scandal 5:40 What's in your glass? 8 Jimmy Stewart sells guitars 11 Christmas Shoes in July 17:30 Get to know your EP 31 Things Erik Has Committed to Memory 32 Katrina attempts to tell a funny story 35 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame? 52 Is your homepage Yahoo?!

Episode 39: Episode 39 - James Taylor’s Conjecture Wormhole

Wed, 06 Jul 2016 20:21:00 -0500

Britain is just one-upping us, Pants gets into the booming ocean market, the boys buy their father a 3D printer, and James Taylor wants you to smash that like button. 0 Self awareness 3:30 Pants didn't know who Brexit was 6:45 Independence Day Resurgence was not good (spoilers) 17 Independence Day spoilers over / #Content 25 Erik Drinks Something Gross and Tells Everyone About It 29 Andy's Oceans 34:30 BACKSTORY 44:30 James Taylor's Conjecture Wormhole 53 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?

Episode 38: Episode 38 - B-CAST: The Tale of Glenard Pickman

Sun, 26 Jun 2016 22:15:00 -0500

The boys discuss how Metallica didn't sell out, they pitch their new restaurant review app WELP, and help you lose weight with their own super effective diet programs which are also just crippling disabilities. 0 SATURDAY NIGHT BAGS 4 Imagine, OK, you're Metallica 12 Andrew is Charlie from It's Always Sunny 15 That's Not How That Works: Twister 19 WELP 25 The boys pitch their own amazingly effective diet programs 29 News that I'm Not Totally Convinced Isn't Andrew 34 What's More Dangerous Than Aspartame?

Episode 37: Episode 37 - Sorry About Hitler

Wed, 25 May 2016 20:22:00 -0500

The boys play 'what's in your can?', Pants convinces everyone to vote for Trump, and hey, uh, sorry about the Hitler thing. 1 This is a T-shirt that I've cut the sleeves off of 4 What's in your can? 9 Pants impersonates Hillary Clinton and convinces you to vote for Trump 22 Good Friends of the Podcast: ISIS? 38 Hitler: "It could've been better" 44 What's More Dangerous than Aspartame?