On today's show, professional speaker, author, and someone I call a friend, Tommy Maloney, and I unpack the seven essential things children of divorce truly need. We discuss the importance of parents who listen more and speak less, giving kids the space to express themselves without pressure. We highlight the value of regular access to grandparents, those steady anchors who provide comfort, continuity, and family connection.

We also emphasize how powerful it can be when parents take a parenting class, gaining tools to overcome the obstacles associated with co-parenting. We discuss the need for firm boundaries and limitations, especially during times when kids crave stability the most.

Tommy and I also explore how crucial it is to speak respectfully about the other parent, protecting a child’s emotional well-being. We touch on consistent rules about access to inappropriate material, making sure kids aren’t exposed to things they’re not ready for. And finally, we discuss the importance of parents having their own emotional support, because children need caregivers who are grounded, regulated, and capable of showing up with compassion.

These seven needs don’t require perfection, just intention, understanding, and love. 

ABOUT THE GUEST:  Tommy Maloney has spent years in the corporate world as a Training Consultant and Content Creator. He has partnered with brands such as The Home Depot, Bass Pro Shops, PNC Bank, United Airlines, State Farm, Savers/Value Village, and BJ’s Wholesale Club to create impactful learning experiences. This background has enabled him to connect with people from various backgrounds and distill complex ideas into actionable steps, skills he applies daily with his coaching clients. You can learn more about him at http://tommymaloney.com. 

ORDER the new Holiday Shoppers Puzzle Book from Amazon.

Download the instructional handout for this exercise to share by CLICKING HERE

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Every parent knows the pain of stepping on a Lego at two in the morning — that tiny plastic reminder that life with kids is equal parts love and chaos. In this episode, I share one of my favorite stories (and lessons) about turning those frustrating “pick up your toys!” moments into something surprisingly calm — even kind of fun.

We’ll talk about what really works when your kids don’t do what they said they’d do, how to guide them without losing your cool, and why sometimes the quietest response can make the biggest impact.

It’s part story, part lesson, and totally real — because every parent’s been there. Grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and let’s laugh (and learn) our way through one of parenting’s greatest daily battles: getting kids to follow through… without the yelling.

Download the eBook HOW TO GET KIDS TO OWN THEIR HOMEWORK

Visit Bill's website:  http://cooperativekids.com

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Discover how one father’s journey to find better parenting tools led him to a transformative experience with the Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) program. In this heartfelt episode of The Bill Corbett Podcast: Creating Cooperative Kids, Bill shares how learning to pause before parenting reshaped not only his approach as a dad but also his connection with his children.

Bill explores what makes RCB so different from traditional discipline methods — emphasizing empathy, communication, and calm reflection over punishment. He discusses how taking a “parent timeout” can model emotional regulation, helping kids develop the same skill. Listeners will gain insight into how mindful parenting can strengthen family relationships and reduce stress at home.

If you’re seeking practical tools to raise cooperative, confident, and emotionally aware children, this episode offers real-world wisdom rooted in compassion and experience.

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Here's the link for The New Wish Book for Girls on Amazon

Here's the link for The New Wish Book for Boys on Amazon

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If you’ve ever found yourself in the middle of a toy store standoff — your child begging for the latest gadget while you debate between caving in or bracing for a meltdown — this episode is for you.

In this week’s show, we explore the brilliant simplicity of The Wish Book, a tool that transforms chaotic “I want it now!” moments into calm, teachable opportunities. Rather than saying “yes” or “no” in the heat of the moment, parents can redirect their kids to write, draw, or paste their wishes into a special notebook — their very own Wish Book.

• The Problem with Saying Yes (or No) – How giving in teaches kids that persistence (and volume!) works — and how saying “no” too often can create power struggles.

• How the Wish Book Works – Step-by-step guidance for using the book, including tips for encouraging creativity, cutting out store flyers, and making it a fun ritual rather than a frustration.

• The Big Benefits –

  • Delayed Gratification – Helping kids build patience and understand that wanting doesn’t mean getting right away.

  • Emotional Regulation – Giving kids an actionable way to process their feelings instead of melting down.

  • Decision-Making Skills – Teaching them to prioritize what truly matters over time.

  • Respectful Communication – Turning conflicts into calm conversations and strengthening parent-child connection.

• Parent Perks – Why this approach makes birthdays, holidays, and even shopping trips easier and less stressful, and how it can support your budget and family conversations.

Parenting is full of teachable moments, but they often show up when we’re least ready for them — in checkout lines, at playdates, or right before bedtime. The Wish Book reframes those moments into something positive and proactive. This episode is packed with practical advice, humor, and encouragement to help you raise kids who are more patient, thoughtful, and emotionally resilient.

Whether you’re a parent looking to avoid power struggles, a caregiver hoping to teach gratitude, or just someone tired of the phrase “Can I have that?” — this episode will leave you with a new favorite parenting tool.

📚 Get Your Copy: Ready to try it for yourself? Grab a copy of My Wish Book — available now on Amazon — and start transforming those meltdowns into meaningful moments.

💌 Share the Love: Know a fellow parent who could use a little more peace and a lot less whining? Send them this episode!

⭐ Join the Conversation: After listening, let us know how the Wish Book works for your family — tag us on social media or leave a review to help other parents discover this simple, powerful tool.

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Check out Bill's resources at http://BillCorbettsBooks.com

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We share real stories from our own households — from the first time we handed out allowance money to the creative "saving challenges" that actually got our kids excited to stash away their cash. We’ll dive into strategies like using clear jars for visual savings goals, turning grocery shopping into a budgeting lesson, and even letting kids "invest" in family decisions so they start thinking about returns and trade-offs.

But it’s not just about the kids — we also talk about how our own behavior sets the tone. Kids watch how we spend, save, and give, so we dig into the importance of modeling good habits, having open conversations about money, and being transparent about why we make the financial choices we do.

Whether you’re a new parent wondering where to start, or a seasoned dad looking for fresh ideas, this conversation will leave you with actionable tips and fun activities you can use this week to help your kids respect money — and maybe even have a little fun with it along the way.

In this episode, we'll reveal how one of those programs frequently offers misguided information and gimmicks.  In some of the parent practices of the Love & Logic methodology, they suggest that parents use techniques that lead to a child feeling shame, blame and guilt, three human motivators that are not only demeaning, but are incredibly discouraging.

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Get the number one parenting tool that everyone is talking about

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As kids see their friends and peers with the latest trendy toy, the pressure to keep up can be overwhelming. We explore the psychological effects of FOMO and how it affects both children and parents, particularly when it comes to keeping up with the latest trends.

We also discuss practical parenting strategies for helping children manage FOMO. From fostering a sense of contentment and gratitude to encouraging creative play outside of material goods, this episode offers insightful tips to help parents guide their children through feelings of comparison and longing. Learn how to set boundaries, cultivate resilience, and shift the focus from possessions to experiences, helping children build emotional strength and a healthy mindset.

Join us for a thoughtful conversation on navigating the pressures of materialism in today's world and empowering your children to thrive beyond the latest trends.

I surveyed parents over a 3 year period who attended my parenting workshops. The survey asked them what was their biggest complaints about the kids that brought them out to hear me speak. Now, the top 3 complaints I received were: they don't listen, they don't cooperate, and they talk back. When I brought these results up at other parent groups, the parents there agreed. Parents are hungry for the solution to these common and frustrating problems, but sometimes I'm able to change their perception completely when I tell them that a very high percentage of these problems are actually a symptom of something else and something the they can control.

If you too are experiencing these same problems with your children, pay close attention as I reveal much of the cause of children not listening, a lack of cooperation and back talk. The most important thing that I want offer you might be difficult to embrace. The greatest cause of a lack of cooperation from the kids is something we parents can control... our kids don't feel fully connected to whoever the primary caregiver is. Connection is the key. I believe that we were all put on this earth to feel connected to others. We're supposed to feel connected in families, groups, teams and clubs. We are a species created to be with each other. And children, whether they're 3 or 13, have this same desire; to feel connected. I think all children really want their parents to listen to them and to truly see them. 

Children want their parents to really be there 100%. The worst thing we can do is to be talking to a child when we're on phones or using other distractions. The primary thing that I hope to help you all understand about reconnecting with children, is how to do this when children have been away from the primary caregiver for an extended period of time, perhaps overnight or all day at school. When kids wake up in the morning, they want to check in with mom or dad or whoever their primary caregiver is. It's almost as if they have a plug and they just wanna plug back into whoever is caring for them. It can even be a grandparent or a stepparent, whoever it is, they just crave to plug back in. They just wanna know that they are important, that they exist that you can hear them. That they still matter. 

A mom came to me one time and said, you know, I'm having this problem with my kids. Every morning they begin to fight at the breakfast table. They're 4 and 6, and I can't stand it. I'm ready to sell my kids to the zoo. Please tell me What I can do to stop this fighting when it happens. This is a perfect example of the symptom of a child not feeling plugged in and connected and as a result, misbehavior can occur. Back to this mom's need for help, I asked her, when this fighting breaks out, what is going on with her? She then went on to list all of the chaos she was generating in that moment. She said, "I'm a single mom and I'm loading the dishwasher, putting in a load of laundry, I'm making lunches, I'm folding clothes and I might even be trying to talk to my boss on the phone, all at the same time." 

In that moment listening to her, I could feel the stress coming from her while she explained everything. So I said to her, here's one solution that, if you put 100% of your effort into it, it could resolve this issue and reduce the one thing you want to stop... the fighting. So here is your assignment. Starting on Monday morning because it begins a new week, I want you to sit down at the breakfast table with your boys. Come to the table with some sort of timer and set it for 10 minutes, just 10 minutes. During that 10 minutes, I want you are to sit there quietly and calmly and don't speak. I mean, don't say one word. Your only job is to communicate through your facial expressions. That means a lot of smiling and nodding. Just 10 minutes. 

One additional step... because you've got a younger child, a 4 year old, you be more successful if you take the time to set this all up in advance with the boys. This way they'll know what to expect and won't get freaked out on Monday morning that mom has lost her ability to speak. Over the weekend, set up what the new breakfast morning scenario will look like and practice it with them. Mom then says to me... "You're kidding me, right?! That's your advice?! To sit for 10 minutes with my kids and not talk?! I said yes. She said that's the most ridiculous parenting advice I have ever heard." 

One of the things I wrote about in my book Love Limits and Lessons is that the the it's so important for us to plug in and connect with our kids and especially with young children. And it's good advice to help them see in advance what it's all going to look like. So the mom got mad at me. She actually got up and left and walked out of the workshop. She wanted nothing to do with it. She thought it was the most ridiculous thing. Until about 2 or 3 days later she was done being mad at me and she tried it. Two weeks later she left me a voicemail and apologized for her behavior because she suddenly saw instant results. 

Now, do you think the fighting and arguing went away? No, probably not, but it got to a more tolerable level of arguing and bickering that reduced mom's stress about the fighting. Believe it or not, connecting with kids is one of the easiest things we we can do and the most powerful, if we believe in it and get behind it. Another stressful segment of any parent's day is the end of the day when you're picking kids up from school or they're coming home from school. When you come back together as a family as a unit, they again need that same kind of thing... the plug back in to the parents. I urge parents to talk less and listen more during these two critical points of a day with kids. 

If you have to speak during these times, avoid giving commands and instead, ask questions. They don't care what you're gonna say in those first few minutes they just wanna know that you care. They wanna know that you're you're still there for them and they're still number one. Also avoid getting distracted with newspapers, phones or televisions. You'll be more successful as a parent if you help them feel connected: no distractions, less talking, questions if you have to, facial expressions if you have to communicate and do it all at their eye level. Getting to their level says, "You are very important to me and I see and hear you right now in the moment."

This isn't much different than what we experience as an adult. How many times have you felt this yourself with someone you're in a relationship with, or perhaps noticed another couple experiencing this? Maybe you found yourself wanting to just say to the other person, "Do I matter? Just slow down for a minute. Can you shut the TV off for a little bit? Put that newspaper down, or want to say to them, "I want you to hear what I have to say right now." This connection is more important than ever in humans, especially children. What we have to realize is that if we allow our child to plug back in and reconnect with us, it can actually eliminate the need to act out and misbehave. That's because so much of challenging behaviors in children is communication. They are trying to tell us that they crave reconnection to us. 

So if you want cooperative kids, look for opportunities to help them feel like they're important and they matter. In the sample solution I gave to that mother seeking help, suggesting 10 minutes of silence for her at the table, you could even get away with just five minutes, especially just starting out with this type of exercise. Lead this kind of exercise you'll begin to notice changes in their behavior. 

I want add one other important thing that can increase a child's cooperation; encouragement. Encouragement is showing support for things they can do and accomplish. It's not just giving attaboys, but instead, getting them to talk about the things they like and can accomplish. It's all about looking for opportunities to make positive comments that help them feel important in the family or the classroom. It's been said that children need encouragement like flowers need water. Studies have been done to show how adults and youth alike are discouraged far more often then encouraged. Examples of discouragement include words intended to make them feel small, unimportant or insignificant. Encourage on the other hand are positive comments that lift them up.

I like to remind parents to learn to calm themselves and slow down a little bit more. If we take time to breathe deeply, amazing things happen and I know it sounds weird, but when we breathe deeply, more oxygen goes to our brain and allows us to think more clearly and be able to react more effectively in stressful situations. And when we slow down and become more calm, more often, we'll begin to notice a change in our children as well. They will feel that calmness from us and begin to feel heard and seen by us all the more. This will reduce their need to misbehave, talk back and they will in turn, listen more.

It's bad enough that we parents are soooo tired at the end of the day. And if the bedtime routine that you've been dealing with seems to go on for hours, parenting in your home could be a nightmare with endless yelling. As in most parenting tips that I offer, success with your kids means setting things up in advance is key. Successful routines start with rules, boundaries and patterns that children can follow.

So when you're creating routines, you'll be more successful with your children if you practice them with the kids in advance and as often as you can. Children learn by watching and then participating in somewhat of a practice or make believe mode. You won't be very successful if you suddenly spring a change on them without warning. It's normal for them to resist because change feels uncomfortable for them. It's uncomfortable for anyone, even adults. So you'll be more successful with anything you've learned in this podcast if you set up practice runs with the kids so they will expect new routines to happen.

In this episode I'm reading a chapter from my book, Love, Limits & Lessons: A Parent's Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids. It's available in paperback, kindle and now on Audible.

Whether children should be allowed to sleep in bed with their parents or in their own is a personal choice for the adults involved. I can quote experts and present evidence-based data to support both sides of this discussion. This article offers suggestions for those parents who have decided not to practice family bed sharing and who need help in getting the kids to their own beds and remain there. 
 
Bedtime can be a very stressful time of day for families. Parents and children come together after a tiring day of work or school and yearn to reconnect with each other. While parents do want that reconnection, they also see an evening full of tasks that must be attended to before they can truly unwind and relax. But with all those dinner, homework and cleanup tasks that must be accomplished, it becomes difficult to allow that reconnection to occur as it should. Oftentimes, the children feel frustrated, sensing that their caregivers aren’t there 100%, so they express the frustration even further through misbehavior and a lack of cooperation.
 
When bedtime arrives, it can take an hour or more just to get the kids into bed and to remain there. By the time they do, parents are exhausted and dreading having to do it all again tomorrow night. Keep in mind that children don’t like to go to bed because it means the end to their day and more importantly, the end to their time with parents. They also seem to have this sense that a party begins once they are put to bed and don’t want to miss out, so they will do whatever they can to delay it. To help with this process, here are 10 things parents can do to make bedtime work more effectively.

Six Preparation Steps for the New Bedtime
• Allow your child to find some way of personalizing her room. From picking out a new lamp shade to an entirely new paint scheme, letting her be as creative as possible will help her feel as though the room really belongs to her. 

• Keep bedtime consistent and on time. Determine what bedtime will be going forward and announce it to the children. If an event or activity causes a late night, don’t let the plan fall apart. Reinforce the boundary the following evening and keep moving forward.

• Create a checklist of all bedtime activities that must be completed in the half hour or hour prior to bedtime. Allow them to help you make the list and then post it for all to see. For toddlers and preschoolers, create large drawings or cutouts to represent each activity and tape them at the child’s eye level on a wall in sequence. 

• Minimize the number of toys kept in the children’s bedroom. They are able to fall asleep best when there are few distractions in their rooms. 

• Avoid allowing your children to have entertainment electronics such as televisions, DVD players, computers, or video games in their bedrooms.

• Purchase a visual timer to manage the schedule of bedtime activities.

Four Steps for Implementing the New Process

• On the day you decide to begin the new process for bedtime, make an official announcement that you’re going to do some different things at bedtime tonight. Be sure to get to the kids eye level and use an exciting tone of voice when announcing the change. Say to them, “Starting tonight, once you’re ready for bed and I have tucked you in, I can’t speak to or look at you until morning.” For younger children, role-play what it will look and feel like. It could frighten them if you suddenly stopped talking. Recreate bedtime with them so they will be prepared with having you not speaking or looking at them.

• Explain to the children that getting into bed on time and staying there is part of cooperation; the more they cooperate with you, the more likely you are to cooperate with them. Express to them that you are so excited that they are going to cooperate with you.

• Take cooperation one step further by asking for each child’s agreement to stay in bed. Ask her to repeat the agreement and then excitedly thank her for cooperating with you.

• Thirty to sixty minutes prior to the official bedtime, announce that getting ready for bedtime has now begun. Bring out the visual timer, set it, and end all stimulating activities, including television and rough play. Make all the bedtime activities, such as brushing teeth, potty, and getting into PJs fun by being playful with them. Children love competition and races, so consider “racing against the clock” with the visual timer to get all the activities completed in time.
 
Finally, tuck the children into bed with your traditional routines and commit to not using your voice or eye contact until morning. Now here comes the fun part… if they get out of bed, lead them back by placing your hand on their back and guiding them lovingly to their bed without speaking to them or looking at them. Do this as many times as necessary. By doing this, you are communicating to them that you are following through with your original intentions and they will respect you for it all the more. If your child calls out to you and you are sure it is not an emergency, ignore the calls for more water or stories. It is all a tactic to prolong having to go to sleep. 

If your child becomes uncooperative and collapses on the floor, gently pick him up and bring him to his bed. Do all of this without speaking to him or looking at him, and avoid having any expression on your face. Looks of frustration or anger may delight him and motivate him to keep up the battle. Start this new process on a night when you can stay up a little later, as you may have to make quite a few trips on the first night of this new process. If there are two caregivers in your home, both should be ready to behave the same way and carry out these new procedures. 

One of the main points I hope you'll walk away with is a silent and loving mode of getting a child to a location to do something. In this case, it's getting them to bed. It requires no speaking, no emotional reaction, placing your hand on the middle of the child's back and guiding them to that particular spot. You then walk away in silence. To be successful with this, you must set it all up in advance by telling your child what your new behavior is going to look like and then role playing with them so they can see it.

I used this method to get my kids to pick something up that they left on the floor, to the location of where a chore was to be done, to the television to turn it off because they left it on, to the bathroom sink to get them to brush their teeth, to their bed in their room and or to locations for so many other situation. In the beginning they would try to engage me by asking me questions or whining about having to be coached to a location.

Then came the phase which was the most fun for me... they did not want me to go into the mechanical loving dad mode. I would move toward them in silence with my hand extended and ready to place on their backs and they would squeal with almost delight by saying, "Don't touch me," and would then run away from me to the location I needed them to go. This really added more fun to the family dynamics. They knew what I needed them to do and they had originally agreed to follow through. I hope you will give this method a try and do it over and over until it becomes second nature to you and comfortable for your kids to experience.

If you have questions about what you've heard here, I hope you will consider joining my RAISING AN INDEPENDENT CHILD Facebook page. I'd love to hear from you and help you implement some of these ideas. But let me caution you. Don't try to implement everything you learn in this podcast, all at once. It could overwhelm you. Pick just one or two tips at a time and do them over and over. Then replay the episodes at a later time to learn more. Thanks again for listening and please consider sharing or subscribing to this podcast. All information in this podcast is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids Publishing. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

In order for this to happen, I first need to get you to consider the fact that children don't naturally understand the importance of being organized and structured. They have to learn this over time, some of it from the adults caring for them and a whole lot more organically on their own. It takes time for them to develop this skill and it takes lots of patience on the part of the adults caring for them. 

One day I had had it with my daughter's messy room. I couldn't stand walking by the doorway to her room every day and seeing all the chaos. As I did, I remembered how my parents forced me to clean my room and I hated that they did that. I was punished for the messy room and all I thought about was how much I hated my parents. I felt like the condition of my room was more important than our relationship. So I knew I didn't want to become my parents and start yelling at her. One family member use to go into their child's room when she was at school and box up all of her things, leaving her with an empty room. She would then get them all back after a 2-week span of time. I didn't think very much about that technique and didn't want to do that either.

So, I waited for a moment when I felt like I could remain calm and when my daughter seemed like she was open to learning or at least open to hear me. I got her to sit at the table with me and I used the old I FEEL _________ WHEN _________ communications technique that we used at the office. I said, "Honey, I feel really stressed out whenever I have to look into your room and see all of the mess. What could you do to help me with this problem." I was totally amazed when she said, "I'll keep my door closed." Now, that didn't solve the messy room problem, but it did solve my feeling stress problem, so I accepted it.

The solution she offered wasn't ideal, but I was OK with it. It was a good start because I was a firm believer that her room belonged to HER and not to me. Some parents demand that all their kid's bedroom doors remain open so they can monitor what's going on, but I never had to worry about that. We had already established house rules that no food or entertainment electronics were allowed in bedrooms, including cell phones, tablets and laptops. 

After we implemented the new, THE DOOR IS KEPT CLOSED WHEN IT'S MESSY rule, there were obviously times when I saw that it was open, and the room wasn't cleaned up. So, I would use the ONE WORD REMINDER rule when I saw it... I would say "DOOR." She would huff and puff and growl, and sometimes even blurt out, "Oh my gosh Dad, this is so stupid!" She would then go close her door. While we're on this reminder technique, I urge all parents to talk less when the need to remind arises. Instead of saying, "Jason, how many times do I have to tell you to go hang your jacket up. There are children in foreign countries who would love to have a jacket as nice as yours and look how you abuse yours and leave it laying around for others to step on." I had to add that KIDS IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES thing as a reminder of how we tend to guilt our kids into doing some things.

Anyway, instead of yelling at Jason to hang his Jacket up, I tell parents to say use one word.... JACKET. If they've left their book bag laying in the middle of room, calmly say, "Jason, BOOK BAG." When I started using this one-word technique, my kids would mimic me and repeat what I had said, but in a sassy tone. I ignored it and they put the book bag away. But if you make an issue of the sassiness, they are going to love it because it affected you and it made them feel powerful over you in that moment. If your kids do it to you, just ignore it, don't give their response any value.

If you listened to episode 15, I featured an excerpt from a live workshop with a room full of parents and teachers, eager to learn how to manage challenging behaviors. I was delivering my 10 IRREFULTABLE FACTS ABOUT KIDS workshop and in that episode segment, the topic was the challenge of transitioning children quicker and easier. That kids have NO time management skills. In this episode I offer the 2nd excerpt from that recording and the 2nd irrefutable fact. It's that kids are messy and disorganized, and forcing them or punishing them will not help them develop that skill any quicker. It will only destroy your relationship with them.

Let's go over a few helpful tips related to disorganized habits with our kids and how to help them transition:
- Their bedroom belongs to them, not to you. Allow them to have that place they can go to for privacy and safety
- Allow them to set that bedroom up to their liking. Set up boundaries as far as what can be in there and home much money can be spent to set it up
- Spend time controlling what goes IN that bedroom, not the organization of that room
- Use one word to remind your kids of rules or agreements, instead of talking too much, which will get you ignored
- Consider creating a playroom where all toys will go and where playtime occurs. If you don't have a separate room, partition off a section of the living room, dining room or basement for toys and for playtime. Avoid using the bedroom.
- If it's important to you to have an area cleaned up and organized, make a game out of it. I used to bring on my TV announcer voice and challenge my kids to a race to see who can pick up more toys than me
- Hire a personal organizer to help you establish better organization with their toys
- Look for organization ideas on Pinterest or ask other parents what they have found works for them
- If your kids have too many toys, put some away out of their reach. It'll be like Christmas all over again when you take some down from the attic or storage in the garage after a few weeks without those toys.
- Tell them that you only have space for 2 or 3 toys and the rest have to be put away out of reach or donated.
- Put ALL of their toys out of their reach and make a rule that only one toy can be out at a time. If they want to change toys, then all of the parts/pieces of the current toy had to be picked up stored to get the next toy

If you have questions that I can answer for you, I hope you will consider joining my RAISING AN INDEPENDENT CHILD Facebook page. I'd love to hear from you and help you implement some of these ideas. But let me caution you. Don't try to implement everything you learn in this podcast, all at once. It could overwhelm you. Pick just one or two tips at a time and do them over and over. Then replay the episodes at a later time to learn more. Thanks again for listening and please consider sharing or subscribing to this podcast. All information in this podcast is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids Publishing. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

Kids and teens are naturally self-centered. But with kids increasing use of social media, it's gotten even worse. Constant selfies, posts, focusing on number of likes and the ease of creating videos, it's now called the ME GENERATION and it's even harder to teach our children to think more about others and less about themselves. 

One way that parents can help to increase the empathy in their children is to find activities for the whole family to participate in, to set an example of what it looks like to be in service to others. One Thanksgiving I announced to my 3 kids that we were going to spend Thanksgiving in a different way this year... we were going to bring an entire Thanksgiving meal to someone who didn't have a family. My two older daughters rolled their eyes and whined about this change.

Thanksgiving Day arrived and we had our meal all packed up in containers as we headed to an address of a person assigned to us. We headed across town and arrived at a row of very small homes. All five of us carried bags and containers as we walked up to the door and knocked. An elderly woman answered the door and we introduced ourselves. She invited us in and began to cry. My kids did too. I saw the tears welling up in their eyes as they quietly watched her thanking us over and over.

At first, I thought it was going to be a very quiet ride back home after sharing Thanksgiving dinner with the woman, but my kids were very chatty and talked about the whole experience, all the way back. Something obviously changed for them that day as they experienced the act of giving to someone else and I knew it felt good to them. Following that day, I saw clear signs that they were having more thoughts, more often about giving to others in other ways. What kinds of things could YOU do to help get your kids to think more about being in service to others?

One of my many guests that I interviewed on my CREATING COOPERATIVE KIDS TV show made it his personal mission to help adults get kids out of their own heads and teach them about caring more for others through the act of paying it forward. Dr. Clint Steele spent one year launching and leading the pay if forward project which included a limited run magazine and projects for youth to get involved. Listen in now to my interview of Dr. Steele. I asked him to share more ideas for parents on increasing the empathy in their kids and teens. 

We get so many chances to set an example for our kids, of being in service to others and unfortunately, too much mind chatter for many parents causes them to miss them. As a parent, I worked hard at teaching my kids by looking for examples of acts of service around us wherever we happened to be. One day my son and I had just pulled into the parking lot at the mall, and I saw an event that I used to teach my young son. I brought his attention to a car just ahead of us. An elderly couple had just pulled up and the woman was driving. She got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to open the door for the man who may have been her husband. Handing the man a cane, she helped him exit the car and together they walked hand-in-hand into the mall. I wanted him to see that act of kindness and that it didn't matter whether the person being helped was a man or a woman.

Children and teens can learn acts of kindness by:  witnessing events, seeing examples set by their parents or participating in acts of kindness themselves. What have you done to teach the art of paying it forward to your children? What can you do to keep the lesson going for them?

If you have questions that I can answer for you, I hope you will consider joining my RAISING AN INDEPENDENT CHILD Facebook page. I'd love to hear from you and help you implement some of these ideas. But let me caution you. Don't try to implement everything you learn in this podcast, all at once. It could overwhelm you. Pick just one or two tips at a time and do them over and over. Then replay the episodes at a later time to learn more. Thanks again for listening and please consider sharing or subscribing to this podcast. All information in this podcast is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids Publishing. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

One day my 8-year-old daughter didn't arrive home from school as she normally did. I was working from home on this day and quickly became worried. I headed down the street and began retracing her steps back to the local elementary school. As I approached a tall fence that surrounded a ball field, I saw her at the back of the field and began to run toward her. She was being held down by three taller girls who were punching and kicking her. I screamed, "Get away from her NOW!" and the three girls ran away. I got down on my knees and held my daughter so tight, imagining what could have happened if I hadn't been home to go looking for her.

I don't have to tell you that bullying is a huge problem for our children's safety and well-being. Many national organizations that track statistics state that on average, 1 in 3 children report being bullied in some fashion and the results of bullying can be severe. Parents feel powerless when they hug their children goodbye, fearing they may be bullied or subjected to some level of abuse of bullies. But I can tell you that there ARE things parents can do every day to work toward raising their children to become more bully-proof.

In this episode, I was a featured guest on the TOTAL TUTOR RADIO SHOW and I offered a few tips on how to raise bully-proof kids. One of the most important tips you're going to hear me discuss is allowing your kids to speak up for themselves. When a child is allowed to speak their mind, discuss their dreams and just feel like they are being heard, it becomes easier for them to speak up for them self when approached by a bully. When they are confronted by a bully, you want them to have the courage to speak up and yell "NO", "Leave me alone," or to just scream HELP! But this courage is not developed the way it should be if the child's parents are constantly telling them what to do, speaking for them, telling them they shouldn't feel a certain way or just not listening.

I watched a father and his young son shopping in a grocery store the other day. The boy appeared to be about 8 - 10 years of age. The man was continuously snapping instructions at his son: what he could or could not touch, what he could and could not say. He was even controlling how many steps ahead of the shopping cart he could walk! This total control of his son was robbing the boy of expressing himself and being heard. By the end of the experience, it was easy to tell that the little boy was just mechanically walking next to the carriage, afraid to speak or move. If the father does this regularly, which I'd bet he does, he is training is son to succumb to the control of whoever is bigger and stronger then he is, at the moment. And the worst part is, he may eventually learn to be this way to others smaller and weaker then he is. This is how many bullies are created in the first place. Controlled youth go on to control other youth. And adults who were controlled, go to control other kids and adults.

To help your child develop the courage to speak up to someone who may attempt to control them, here are some tips you can begin using immediately. Take opportunities at least once a day to be in the moment with your child to listen and really hear them. This requires getting to their eye level, making and keeping eye contact, and letting them speak. It also requires that you NOT speak, at least not at the beginning of your moment with them. If you feel compelled to talk, ask questions to draw out more from your child by saying things like, "Tell me more," or "And then what happened?" or "And what happened next?" or "Why do you think she did that?" or "I love it when you tell me things," or using simple expressive words like, WOW, or REALLY, or OH MY! I encourage parents to have one of these 100% present moments at least once a day with each child. Children love these and may ask for them after they've experienced them.

Finally, avoid speaking for your child and definitely, avoid controlling their words and actions like the father I saw in the grocery store. As weird as this may sound, there was a news story a few years ago that revealed a pair of teenage girls working at an ice cream store down south was getting spanked by their boss when they did something wrong in their duties serving ice cream. When the authorities discovered this had been going on for some time, they asked the girls why they didn't report this earlier. The girls said that they were each spanked well into their teenage years and that they didn't think there was anything wrong with it. What kinds of control are you using on your child that they might think is a normal behavior for others to use on them? 

If you have questions that I can answer for you, I hope you will consider joining my RAISING AN INDEPENDENT CHILD Facebook page. I'd love to hear from you and help you implement some of these ideas. But let me caution you. Don't try to implement everything you learn in this podcast, all at once. It could overwhelm you. Pick just one or two tips at a time and do them over and over. Then replay the episodes at a later time to learn more. If you need more clarification or help with implementing my tips, contact me on my Facebook page and I'll help you make them work. Thanks again for listening and please consider sharing or subscribing to this podcast. All information in this podcast is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids Publishing. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

On today's episode, psychotherapist Lisa Barrett and I got together to offer parents some advice who feel like their children are driving them crazy. We came up with six specific things that parents can begin practicing immediately and if they do, they may see immediate changes in their child's behavior. Lisa is a licensed professional counselor and registered art therapist, and author of the new book LAUGHTER, WISDOM AND INNOCENCE: SURPRISING QUOTES FROM CHILDREN. Something special you should know about Lisa is that she designed the Sandy Hook Memorial Fountain located in Portland, CT, that was created in honor of the 26 souls lost in the Sandy Hook Elementary School masacre in 2012 in Newtown, CT.

Let's break the six tips down to summarize what you heard in this episode. First of all, as Lisa revealed, the most important responsibility you have as a parent is to always take good care of yourself first. I know it's easier said then done, but you owe it to your children to make the time to recharge your batteries. I'll be spending more time on this huge topic in a future episode so just know that there's more to come on this one.

The second thing we mentioned was ensuring that you are modeling appropriate behavior in front of your children. If you want your children taking good care of themselves, you first have to show them what it looks like... you have to take care of you. If you want your children to speak calmly and respectfully, you have to do it first so they'll know what it looks like. If you want your children to be kind to others, you have to demonstrate it in front of them. I like to say to fathers, little boys will grow up learning how to treat little girls by the way his father treats his mother.

The third thing we brought up was in the story I shared about my son responding to the bully who wanted to take his bike for a ride. It's a technique that I used as an alternative to the word NO. Now I do believe that parents need to comfortable saying no to their children but there are others ways of saying it. So instead of saying the word NO to my children, I would use the phrase, "I'm not willing." 

The fourth tip we shared was coming up with consequences with your child and then, as Lisa stated, giving your child the power of choosing the misbehavior or the consequence. Consequences is a big topic that can be challenging, so stay tuned for more episodes on this one and even a new online course I'm in the process of developing. 

The fifth tip was speaking calmly and at your child's eye level. Doing this one very important thing ties back to demonstrating respect for your child. The more you do it, the more they see it, the more likely they will imitate it.

Finally, the last tip was in the story I offered regarding my ADHD intense granddaughter Aurora and our trip to the indoor butterfly conservatory located in Deerfield, Massachusetts. That day was such a memorable experience for me because I really got to see the inner workings of my granddaughters mind. 

If you have questions that I can answer for you, I hope you will consider joining my RAISING AN INDEPENDENT CHILD Facebook page. I'd love to hear from you and help you implement some of these ideas. But let me caution you. Don't try to implement everything you learn in this podcast, all at once. It could overwhelm you. Pick just one or two tips at a time and do them over and over. Then replay the episodes at a later time to learn more. If you need more clarification or help with implementing my tips, contact me on my Facebook page and I'll help you make them work. Thanks again for listening and please consider subscribing. All information in this podcast is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids Publishing. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.

As a parent educator and behavior specialist, I spent over 25 years talking to parents about the things that frustrated them most about their kids. And it was easy for me to agree with them, having 3 children of my own who drove me absolutely crazy. The fact is that children don't naturally transition well and parents need some strategies for helping them to do this. In this episode I'm speaking to a group of parents and teachers who invited me to offer advice on creating cooperative kids. Here are some solutions to helping children and teens to transition easier.

Thanks for listening to this podcast episode. To summarize quickly, 3 techniques for helping children to transition between activities is to provide as much advance notice as you can, have them help you set up rules before a segment begins, and use visual timers to help them see the passing of time. My favorite device can be found at www.timetimer.com. One last bonus tip is to create some motivation for a child to stop an activity and to want to follow your lead to the next. One day I couldn't get my son to stop an activity in the playroom and to put his shoes and get in the car. I suddenly had somewhere I had to go and I needed his full cooperation. I could have pulled the toy out of his hands and picked him up kicking and screaming and put him in the car, but no effective parent ever wants to do that. So in that moment, we needed to drive to a relatives home. I thought to myself, "what does my son really like about going to that home," and I remembered that he loves playing with his cousin. So getting to my son's eye level, I said in a very excited voice, "Hey buddy, we're going to your uncle's house and I bet Timmy is waiting right at the door for you to show up and play with him!" Instantly, he dropped the toy he was playing with, ran to get his shoes and coat on and off he ran to get into the car. What motivating factor can you come up with the next time you need your child to transition suddenly.

Occasionally, a parent will tell me that what I've taught them helped create more peace and cooperation in their home and wish there was a way to repay me. I tell them that they can purchase my books at billcorbettsbooks.com or buy me a cup of coffee. You can do that now by going to buymeacoffee.com/billc

Thanks again for listening and please consider subscribing. All information in this podcast is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.

Our hope for this episode is that some absent and busy parents might hear our conversation and then make the decision to buy less and be 100% present more. Adults might think that their kids want the gifts and money more, but what they really want is a parent’s silent attention, their smile, their confirmation that they hear them and their loving interaction.

Thank you for listening to the CREATING COOPERATIVE KIDS podcast series.  To get Dan’s latest book, look up THE STORM: How Young Men Become Good Men. If you would like more help with discipline and parenting, please visit my website, www.cooperativekids.com or email me at bill@cooperativekids.com.  Making the world a better place to live begins by using a style of discipline that not only creates more cooperation today, but also helps our children eventually find their purpose in life, on schedule.  All information on this recording is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids.  Copyright 2022,  Cooperative kids publishing

My friend Dan is an award-winning author, speaker and educator who shares real-life lessons and inspiring stories in his latest book in the GRAND DADDY series. Through his work, his goal is to positively influence the way we think about what is possible, regardless of how old we are. Dan has seven educational degrees and has been an inner-city school teacher and athletic coach for over 20 years. You can find his book on Amazon and Audible today.