NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Alright, so you finally got out, you blocked, deleted. Maybe you even changed your number. So why does it still feel like you've been hit by a damn emotional freight train? Today we're going to talk about the part no one really warns you about the trauma bond hangover, the weird, awful mix of craving the chaos, feeling that pull to check their page or getting instantly triggered when their name pops up on your phone. I know that one, even when you know they're toxic, your body's still wired to respond like it is life or death. So you're not weak, you're healing from an emotional addiction. So we're going to talk about what is really going on underneath and how to help calm that nervous system so you can finally actually start to feel free.

(00:53)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there and let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:51)
Okay, queen, let's be honest, nobody really talks about this part. Everyone cheers you on when you're finally leaving the narcissist. You did it, you're free. I hated that mofo. But what happens when freedom doesn't just immediately feel peaceful? You may think you're going to get this huge relief and you may get some, but you expected more and it could be years later and you could still be stuck in feeling that lack of peace. So what happens when your brain keeps checking for danger or your body jolts every time you see their name, you're out of the relationship technically, but it still feels like they are living rent free in your damn head. That is the trauma bond hangover. And if you're in it, oh honey, I get it. I have been there. It is not a fun place. It is not a fun carnival and we want to help you get out.

(02:42)
Okay, so I first, what is the trauma bond hangover? It is what happens when your body is still addicted to the roller coaster even though you've stepped off the ride. That's what we talk about somatic healing that I do with my clients. That's why we do that body work because your body is still stuck. So your brain was trained literally to associate chaos with connection, okay? Every love bomb, every cruel text, every silent treatment created these chemical spikes and crashes all about the rollercoaster, the dopamine, cortisol, all of it out of balance. So now when you try to rest, your nervous system doesn't know what to do. It's like what? Where's the next hit? Where's the next crisis? It's not that you miss them. Technically you miss the chemical storm or you get pulled in because it's so familiar. So it's not like, yes, you're not laying there going, God, I miss being sucked in the drama and I miss those highs and lows.

(03:53)
You're not like consciously sitting there thinking about that, but your body is responding and it responds to what's comfortable. So if you get that jolt and your body goes, oh, this is comfortable, I'm getting that pang of fear that I see when I see this person's name, because when you lived with them and let's say they were physically abusive to you, even mentally abusive, it's all abuse. When you were dealing with it on a more intimate level, your body responded in a way, kind of like a survival mode way, and now your body is still stuck in that. It's having that same trigger and the same addiction technically. So your body, I don't want to say you miss the chemical storm, but your body misses. It became dependent on it, and your brain mistakes that storm for love because that's what it learned. I want to go say that's what it was conditioned for by your lovely narc.

(04:54)
Okay, so let's be real. Trauma bonds do not dissolve the moment you block someone. That's just not how it works. Your body has to unlearn survival mode, and that's why we love somatic healing. But why does the healing feel harder than the leaving? So leaving takes adrenaline, okay, you're in action mode. You pack your things, you make a plan, you move. Healing is when you're away, maybe not completely away, but you're physically away in that daily sense, right? The more frequent being with this person, and that's when the silence hits. So that adrenaline fades and emotions rush in. It kind of reminds me of if you're, let's say caring for a very sick parent and you have adrenaline, you're taking them to the doctors, you are having a lot of immediate emotions worrying. Are they going to get so sick they pass, or is this the time I've gone through this myself?

(06:04)
So I'm just comparing something that feels a little similar to me, right? It's all this adrenaline, it's what your body does in survival mode and to focus. You're talking to doctors, you're making things happen, getting the images from the hospital, doing all this. You're in go, go, go mode. And when they pass, there is a span of time where yes, that adrenaline continues. You're making the calls, you're talking people, you're hosting people, you're arranging, making all the arrangements. And then they say, always check on your friends. A few weeks after someone, a parent or someone close, whatever has passed, because that's when the silence trickles in. That's when the people aren't around as much and the adrenaline calms and you are with your thoughts and your fears and everything in silence, and the emotions can really rush in. Then so you start feeling everything you stuff down to basically survive, and that's when the cravings come.

(07:17)
So the urge is to text, to peek at their profile even if you don't want to be back with them, and maybe you do, maybe you're in a place where you're questioning, did I make a mistake? I know that that can happen especially immediately after, but let's say you're further down the journey and you're like, hell no, I don't want to go back to that. But you still find yourself rereading their text messages, analyzing, talking to your friends about it, and even if you know they're baiting you, even if you know they haven't changed, you still do these things. Your body is saying, this silence feels unsafe. So you are at war. Your heart, your brain, your body, they're having different stories. Go on because for so long, chaos felt like home chaos felt like home, and I'm so glad it's not your home baby girl.

(08:13)
But your body's still feeling like that. It's still comfortable with that. You might get triggered by the tiniest things, a song, a smell, a message, and this could be a nostalgic feeling or it could trigger you, and you get mad when you think about that person. I'm not saying it has to be one specific emotion, but it can trigger any emotions. Maybe you feel a buzzing under your skin like you're waiting for something bad to happen, right? That's not weakness. That is your nervous system trying to find the new normal. Like I said, it does not happen overnight. So how do we get through this hangover without taking their bait, without texting them back or losing our damn marbles? So we have to talk a little strategy. It can feel impossible if you don't understand what's happening. Your brain can just fire all over with all the different ideas and let me try to be the nice guy.

(09:17)
Let me yell back at them, right? There's all these different ideas that spiral and you spiral and you spiral. So step one, don't spiral. Don't ground, okay? When the urge hits to take any kind, ofit, any kind of debate, I don't think that was good English there, but right to respond, to check, to fix, pause and breathe. Look around the room. You might've heard me talk about this before, but it's a simple thing you can do with your kindergartners so you can do it. We keep these things simple because when your brain's in overdrive like that, you need simple. Okay? So you might be like, Christie, you sound like you're talking to a five-year-old. I have to, okay, so you name five things you can see, just look around. Okay, I'm going to do it right now. So I'm pumped up. Even just from talking on podcast, getting passionate, thinking about right.

(10:13)
Watch me calm down in a few seconds. Okay? I see a beautiful pearl necklace, I see beautiful roses. Oh, I see my palm tree bag. That immediately gives me peace. I am a palm tree obsessed woman. My rose gold brush that makes me happy and oh, a fuzzy flamingo pen. Now you know what weird shit I have on my house, but I feel my body already, just my nervous systems rebalancing. So that's what you do. Look around, name five things and then say, I'm safe right now. It sounds simple, but it tells your body you are not in danger anymore. All right? Now step two, move the energy out. You can shake your body, right? Shake your legs, shake your arms, shake your body line. I have a flamingo theme going on today. I have a flamingo, I don't know, stuffed animal thing that you press a button and it dances and sings and it sings that.

(11:24)
Shake your body line, work, work, do it all the time. Something like that, and it just reminds me of that. Alright? I'm having a lot of a DD moments today. So you shake your body line, you walk, you stretch, whatever helps your body release those chemicals that are pumping from the stress cycle, okay? You're not just healing from your heart, you are retraining your nervous system. It's a whole system, okay? It's got a lot involved in step three, create a response plan for your triggers, right? I talked about those triggers that pop up. Write out what you'll do. I'm a pen to paper, girl, forget digital. Get yourself a planner or not planner a journal, do a planner too. I'm big on paper planners, but for this, a journal where you start writing some stuff down your affirmations, all the good stuff, but you could write down what you'll do when that text comes through or when you feel tempted to peek at something or a trigger comes just in general.

(12:32)
So you can write it down. If they text me, I will screenshot it. Block and walk outside because you want to have evidence. I will say that keep all your evidence so you can screenshot it, block it, say I'll deal with it later and don't deal with it later. If you don't have to, you can block them momentarily. I know with co-parenting it's tough if you are allowed to block them permanently, block 'em permanently. If not, block it for a few moments. Go take a walk, and then if I get triggered, I'll do my grounding routine instead of reacting. So we're training ourselves, right? We're training ourselves. So we're writing pen to paper. If this happens, I'm doing this. We have a plan. We have to have a plan because you are just floating out there like a crazy old balloon in the wind and you need to get grounded.

(13:24)
You need a plan to get grounded. So whatever works for you, you're creating a pause between trigger and action. We don't want that initial action to happen taking the bait and it will just not just affect you, but it will get them to engage with you more and more. You know how it works. You've been doing this. They love you to engage, they love you to take the bait and they thrive off the chaos. Don't give it to 'em. Another question, you can write down, what is the most peaceful thing I could do right now? Guess what? It's not responding. It's not spiraling, right? It's going and taking a walk. It's looking for five things in the room. It's making a lovely chocolate milkshake you deserve. And step four, fill the void with real connection. You cannot detox from chaos and isolation. You were probably in a very isolated place while you, you're with them.

(14:24)
Most are very controlling. Try to keep you from the people that matter in your life. So you are free from that now, right? And you were wired for survival and you did whatever it took to stay alive in that relationship, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. And now you're learning what peace feels like. And it may feel weird at first me, it did. Hell yeah, it did. It's quiet, it's steady, it's predictable. If you make it that way, I'm a God person. So now to me, peace and joy is predictable because God wants me to have that every day. That's a whole other episode, but it's not exciting, like chaos. You miss the excitement. Your body may miss all those dopamine hits, but it's safe. And our goal is peace and safety now. So every time you choose not to respond, not to check, not to spiral, you're teaching your body that peace is the new normal and we love that it looks way better on you.

(15:30)
I'll be honest than your chaos face. Nobody wants a chaos face. Should I make T-shirts with that? You're rewiring your heart from this fake love to true safety. So when that ache hits that urge to reach out or the trigger that just that visceral reaction it causes, remind yourself this is not a sign to go back, it's a sign. I'm just healing. My body's getting used to the new normal. It's not going to feel peace overnight. It's not going to feel calm overnight, but with some tools and I got plenty more tools and if you do one-on-one work with me. I always put the links, how to work with me in the show notes, one-on-one work we do. Customized definitely more than just looking around at five objects though that can help. We do a lot of deep, deep inner work to undo the damage and to retrain your brain and God's there with you in the stillness, right?

(16:28)
Helping you rewire for real love, real peace and the real stuff, right? And freedom. Imagine what it would feel like if three months from now you barely remember what it was like to feel triggered every time you saw the phone ring, every time that you didn't know what to do or how to respond. You didn't know why they were doing this, saying this. You were terrified that your kids think you're the devil. Imagine if you could have a calm nervous system, what that would feel like. So I have a three month program. There is I think one opening left for ongoing three month, my three month program. I can only take a certain amount of those. That's some intense she is. We do mindset and somatic healing and that you got to show up to. I am not taking clients who are not committed to doing once a week work.

(17:34)
That's a waste of time because if you're spending the money that you spend to do three months, you need to be showing up and that's where the transformation happens. Not showing up once and then a month and a half later like, Hey, oh, I signed up for my next, no, we do weekly calls and you get me on Voxer, which is like a walkie talkie app. Once a day I will chat with you, answer any questions, give you motivation, whatever you need in between those other calls. So you get this really fun feature when you sign up for three month. Okay? So check that out in my show notes. And if you're in this hangover phase, you feel in the pull the triggers. I also have Empowered Boundaries course. That's like a self-led thing. I will say the transformation you get on the three month one-on-one is much deeper, much longer lasting.

(18:32)
But the Empowered Boundaries course is great for people who maybe aren't ready for that level yet, but want to start setting boundaries and doing a little of that energetic work. So that I will also put in my show notes and there is the Free Boundaries Pocket guide, which if you have not grabbed that, that's always there too. Alright? And remember, Thursday is Thrive in five. So that's always related to my Tuesday episode. So we will have a usually the somatic type thing or even maybe a motivational mini episode directly correlated to Tuesday's episode. So this week it will be related to this lovely trauma bond hangover. Okay? All right, and you guys have a great day, great week. You look amazing today. Go look at yourself. I want you to look in the mirror today. I want you to say I'm a damn queen and I look good.

(19:35)
Yeah, you got to say it just like that too, because it's half the meaning. If you don't give it that sassy azzy, you are, you're a damn queen. I will see you in the next one on Thursday. Don't forget to make sure you're following my podcast wherever you're listening, just go to my main show and hit follow or subscribe. I don't know what it says. Some little button somewhere so that you don't miss me. I'm here twice a week just waiting to hang out. So you don't want to miss that, do you? No. All right. Love you Smooches Bye.

5 Minutes to Calmer Parenting and Stronger Kids After Narcissistic Abuse

Thu, 02 Apr 2026 10:09:06 -0400

In this Thrive in 5, Christy Jade guides you through a simple five-minute process that helps you protect your child’s emotional safety when dealing with a narcissistic parent. Instead of reacting from fear, conditioning, or pressure to “keep things smooth,” you’ll learn how to regulate your body, detach from the narcissist’s hooks, and model calm authority your child can immediately feel.

This micro-training focuses on one small but powerful shift: stabilizing your own nervous system so your child learns emotional safety, discernment, and self-trust — even when the other parent continues their chaos. These five minutes will change how you show up in high-conflict moments.

Feeling stuck in the mental loop of the narcissist? Let’s reset it.

If you’re tired of the obsessive thoughts, emotional triggers, or constantly replaying what happened, my Calm & Clarity Reset Call is designed to help you shift out of that spiral quickly.

In this focused 1:1 session we’ll calm your nervous system, untangle what’s actually keeping you stuck, and create clear next steps so you can move forward with confidence.

Book your Reset Call here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/

3-Month Coaching Container: Reclaim Your Peace

This container is designed for women who are ready to stabilize their nervous system, rebuild self-trust, and start creating real emotional freedom after narcissistic abuse.

Apply here:
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6-Month Coaching Container: Queens of Peace

For deeper healing and long-term transformation. Together we work through trauma patterns, boundaries, nervous system regulation, and rebuilding the life you want after abuse.

Apply here:
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12-Month Coaching Container

This is the highest level of support for women ready to fully reclaim their power and build a life that feels peaceful, confident, and aligned.

Apply here:
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Additional Support & Resources

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Today's Thrive in five is all about your energy and moments when the narcissistic parent creates tension because your kids absorb your state more than the actual words that are spoken, right? They're little sponges. So you're going to teach your child safety by regulating yourself first, right in the moment. So we're going to give you this advice. You can save this if you're feeling it right now. You can use it now, but you can listen to know what to do. And then definitely save this episode. So in the moment you can refer to it and maybe you can even take little notes. But this is definitely a saver episode. Alright, so you're going to set your timer for five minutes, okay?

(01:06)
Get yourself a little timer. It can be on your phone. One of those cute ones you have in the kitchen, the little kitchen timers. I have one that's a little mushroom. It's so cute. Alright, squirrel. Okay, so five minutes. Minute one, you're going to notice your body's alarm system. So think of that last text demand or surprise request from the narcissistic parent, right? And your body probably does one of these things. The chest tightens, the stomach drop. I know that one. The shoulders rise all the way up to your ears and your breath gets shallow, right? One of those two of those, all of those. So first, in that first minute, notice it name the sensation out loud like my chest feels tight. Naming it out loud equals calming it. Okay? True, true facts, only true facts here on the Queen's show. Alright, minute two, you're going to then slow the pace for your child.

(02:11)
Kids mirror your nervous system. Okay? Remember that? So you can repeat this three breath pattern and you can do it silently or with your child if they're present to teach them, right? We're role modeling and teaching our children what to do when stress comes about. So one, you're going to inhale through your nose. Two, you're going to hold it for two seconds, and three, you're going to exhale a little longer than that. Inhale. And this tells your child and yourself, we handle intensity with calm, not chaos. Opposite of the lovely narc, right? We want to be opposite. So we handle intensity with calm, not chaos. Minute three, detach from that narcs hook. Okay? Ask yourself, what is the fact here? Not the feeling. I get it. We are all up in our feelings. We're empaths. We're good hearted people, we've been mind ed, right? I get it.

(03:22)
But we need to role model and give ourselves peace. So what is the fact? So what's an example of that? The feeling is he's trying to control me again and getting triggered. The fact is pickup is at four. That's all I need to address. Whatever he's trying to do, we don't need to worry about. It's good to know that, right? That's very helpful when you're learning about the narcissist. But we know that already now at this point. Yeah, but our focus is the fact, whatever the deal is, pickup, set for whatever facts are safe, that's our safety feelings. That is the narcissist playground, right? They want to see and feel and hear all your feelings. That's you taking their bait. So this reduces your reactivity and models discernment for your kid, no matter how old they are, if they're two or they are 18. Alright, minute four, we're going to choose one sentence of calm authority.

(04:32)
So pick one neutral boundaried line, like per the order pickup remains at four o'clock. Or I'll refer to the agreement or I'm not available for additional changes. Short and steady to the point. I always say, don't take the bait, don't get emotional, keep it short. And that equals emotional safety for your child too. Okay? So this is the piece that those kids internalize for life. How are you responding? Calm and authoritative, right? Per the order. Pickup remains at four. It's just the facts. People. We're queens. We don't have time for all these big emotions. Okay? Number five, we're minute five. Sorry. Teach your children one mini skill, okay? And again, refer back to Tuesday's episode. If you have not listened to that, please go listen to that. That's going to really dig into the best ways to deal with the entire situation with a narcissist, dealing with the kids and all of the toxic things you don't want to do yourself.

(05:52)
And how to keep the peace, but in a way that isn't what you normally would do with someone who's not toxic. So please watch. Listen to that episode if you haven't. So right after contact with the narcissistic parent, you're not going to trash talk them, right? You're going to do the mature adult thing that will keep peace for you and your child. You can't control the narc, okay? Do this one grounding micro practice with your child. And this one, you get to even call it a fun little cute child thing. The butterfly hug. And it's 30 seconds and anyone can learn this and it is good for you. It's good for a 2-year-old. It's good for that 15-year-old who's going to roll their I. So you just cross your arms over your chest. You tap the left side right on the top of your arm tap.

(06:46)
I'm doing it right now if you can hear, I'm giving myself a good old butterfly hug. And then tap the right, tap the left. Tap the right while you are slowing your breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth. Tap left, tap right. Okay. So cross arms over chest tap left tap right, tap left, tap right. Slow breathing until you feel your nervous system calm. But 30 seconds is a good amount of time and you can say your body knows how to keep you safe. So this teaches them to trust the intuition that therapists, some therapists tell them to ignore that. Tell them to push through and to keep the peace. That's the keeping the peace that I'm not here for. We're not bypassing feelings. We are honoring our intuition, their intuition and teaching them your body knows how to keep you safe. And doing the butterfly hugs.

(07:54)
There's other examples too, but that's a good one is very important to me. So you don't change a narcissist, you're not going to change the narcissist, but you can change the energetic environment that your child grows up in while they're in your care. And they can do these things. And I know a narc is very controlling, so maybe they can't do it right in the middle of an interaction with their narc parent. But you can tell them if you ever have a tense situation at narc, parents, don't call 'em narc, but narc parents home and there's an interaction that makes you sad or upset, just don't take the bait. You can teach them in children's terms of not taking the bait, just kind of gray rocking a. And when they get a chance to be in private, to go to their room or whatever, teach them the grounding skills they will need because they will need them.

(09:05)
And again, I say not everyone wants to really say all this out loud. If your child is a child of a narcissist, they need to be prepared. That's okay. We are where we are here. We can't change the past, we can't change what happened. All we can do is do the best with where we are. And your child can still be an amazing, healthy individual. They have you as a parent that is getting healthy, that's learning these tools that cares immensely for them. So they're ahead of a lot of people. Look, there are people with two parents that nobody really teaches them any tools or how to do X, Y, Z. So you are prepared, you're getting prepared and you're helping them prepare for what they need to do to cope with these situations. So this can be little, just five minutes at a time things.

(10:02)
We have the five minute situation and then we have just the butterfly hug alone. They can do that easy peasy lemon squeezy in 30 seconds that can just calm them down and help their nervous system. And they get to also say to themselves, your body knows how to keep you safe during those times. So save this episode already. And don't forget if you didn't listen to Tuesday's episode, definitely, definitely listen to that. It's a great episode. I may be biased, but it's amazing. Just kidding. So if you're not following my podcast, go find the follow button so you don't miss any episodes because we got some good shit up in here. Okay? Yeah, we do. And as always, all the information is in the show notes as far as how to work with me. If you want transformational kick ass customized help, there's a couple different ways you can check the links out.

(11:07)
But I have monthly and I have a three month really transformational, crazy, amazing epic work. And both I do coaching with you and somatic healing, which is through the body. We are healing deep stuff, but we don't have to do this super sad. Let's lay on a couch and cry about it for five hours, right? We're not going to bypass feelings, but we are going to have some magic happen. We're going to GoFund places, I call 'em Soul Cas. We go on little locations. We help our nervous system regulate. There's so many beautiful things in somatic healing. So you can read more about that in the links in my show notes. And I have a free private Facebook page, so definitely go join that to be around more women who understand what you're going through. It's a women only private Facebook group for narcissistic abuse recovery.

(12:08)
So jump on and there. And I have, if you haven't grabbed them yet, there is my pocket boundaries. What's it? Boundaries Pocket guide is the official term. And that's just some helpful boundaries that you can set just a little free before you. And I also have my Boundaries course, which is self-paced if you just want something more like that. So obviously the one-on work with me is where you're going to get the deepest, most beneficial work. But there are other options out there. If you're not ready for that or can't the investment, you can't make that investment. So definitely check all of that out and I will see you in the next video. It's not a video, not, I keep calling it a video. I was a YouTuber once, a big bad YouTuber. I still have my YouTube actually should go check it out. There's all sorts of crazy weird videos on there.

(13:09)
Steal a Kiss 33 on YouTube. I barely do videos there anymore. But yes, that was my life, my old life. I did makeup tutorials, I did vlogs, all sorts of fun. And I should be putting videos up there, but I'm very focused on my podcast and my book I'm writing. Once I finish my book, I might start doing more videos again just for funsies. But yes, you guys, I'm also writing a book about narcissistic abuse recovery and it's going to be awesome. I'm so excited. All this stuff I'm working on right now is just very, very exciting. So I can't wait to get that completed. I hope I'm writing that. I'm on chapter seven out of 12, but I'm going to go over it a couple more times. And I have a couple people waiting in the wings that are going to read it as beta readers. And then I do have an editor in New York City that I'm going to work with to edit it and the publishing. And I think she may be helping me with that too. But it's going to be unlike any other narcissistic abuse recovery book that is out there of that, I am sure. Right? I think if you know me, that's not a surprise. This is not going to be boring, old, stale facts. There's some queening going on in it. So stay tuned for that. Alright, I will see you in the next audio in the next podcast, not video and chin up. Shine that crown. You look amazing, okay? And you are so valuable and so, so special, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Okay? Okay. Bye.

How to Set Boundaries with a Narcissist Co-Parent

Tue, 31 Mar 2026 12:31:18 -0400

Ready to stop feeling like a doormat in your own life?
Snag your FREE copy of “Bye, Guilt. Hello, Boundaries! Guide to Boundaries That Stick (Without the Guilt Spiral)”
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

This isn’t your typical fluffy PDF. You’ll learn how to:
💥 Ditch guilt for good
💥 Set boundaries that actually hold up (even with narcissists)
💥 Protect your peace like the queen you are

This guide is your first step to saying nope with confidence—and meaning it.

—

🎧 EPISODE BREAKDOWN:

Let’s be honest—co-parenting with a narcissist is next-level. You’re not just managing a schedule… you’re managing chaos, manipulation, and emotional landmines.

In this episode, I’m breaking down:

The #1 mindset shift that will change the game
Boundaries that actually work with a narcissistic co-parent
Scripts and strategies to stay calm, clear, and in control
Why traditional co-parenting advice fails (and what to do instead)

This is your permission slip to stop playing nice and start protecting your peace.

—

💬 Join my private FREE Facebook group for support + healing:

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💥 Want to go deeper with boundaries at podcast listener's VIP pricing?!
Check out my Empowered Boundaries Course—a self-paced journey to help you stop people-pleasing and start standing tall in your truth.
👉 https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/?coupon=QUEEN50

—

Let’s connect:
💖 Instagram: @fiercechristyjade
💬 Email support & coaching: fiercemamac@gmail.com

👉 Book your private session → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing

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Speaker 1 (00:00):

Tired of feeling like your narcissistic ex is still controlling your life somewhat, even after the breakup you're trying to co-parent. But it feels more like combat. Let's be real, right? Boundaries should help. So why do they not seem to work with them today? We're getting into y narcissists are different beasts when it comes to co-parenting and some boundary strategies that actually work. Let's go clean. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:03)
Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself. Again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Hello, it is Christa. Today we're diving into one of the most exhausting post abuse challenges, co-parenting with a narcissist. Let's be real. This is not normal. This is parallel parenting with a manipulative, self-serving adult child who uses the kids as pawns and the drama as fuel. They love that drama and that's why, oh, just communicate better or take the high road advice from well-meaning people doesn't work here. It doesn't work. And so let's break it down. Why are they different? Right? First, they don't want peace.

(02:10)
Some healthy minded individuals after a divorce may be hurt, but they really do want peace in the end. So they might disagree with you, but they actually want the resolution a narcissist. They want what control. We know that chaos, they actually want chaos and a reaction. You're feeding them even if it's a negative reaction. So if your boundaries are focused on keeping the peace, you're already playing their game. Okay? Number two, they weaponize everything. So information, your tone, the kid's schedule, anything can be twisted. This means your boundaries have to be so tight, minimal. And my part of what I teach in my boundaries course and elsewhere is emotionless. And that's hard. That's hard for a lot of you, and it was hard for me, but there's ways to do it, okay? And number three, they see boundaries as attacks. They're not seeing, you're protecting yourself.

(03:19)
They're seeing you attacking them. So it's a rejection. And we all know that narcissists cannot handle rejection. So they'll either push back on it, they'll guilt trip you, or one of the worst things, especially when you're dealing with co-parenting and children, they will punish you through the kids. So that's why setting the boundary isn't enough. You need a backup plan for the backlash because there inevitably will be backlash with a narcissist when you set a boundary. So some boundaries that actually work with narcissistic co-parents or parallel parents, we'll call 'em Number one, like I said, I love the no emotion rule. Use a no emotion, no explanation policy. So think of it like a business email energy. So I'm not available to swap weekends. Please refer to the agreement, not I can't this weekend I have a family event and I've been really overwhelmed. No, save all that noise.

(04:27)
The unnecessary information that they can use to turn on you, they use it against you later. They'll twist it, whatever, no extra info, very to the point. They love when you overexplain. Keep it short, clear, no room for debate or conversation. Number two, communicate only through a parallel parenting app. So our family wizard is the one I have heard great things about, or talking parents. I don't know someone personally who uses that, but I've seen that also talked about. And they document everything and reduce that real time interaction. Why? Because narcissists specifically are less likely to manipulate when the receipts are permanent. They might still do it, but then it's documented and you have it against them, right? But they are a little less likely to, especially when they're not up in a rage to do that because they can be very calculated. So they're like, oh yeah, I don't want that outside of this circle with my ex.

(05:37)
So it will help them and help you. So the bonuses, you won't be tempted to respond to their nonsense at midnight. You're on this app, it helps you too. So I just love technology in situations like this. Number three, set emotional boundaries with you yourself. Okay? This is the one no one really talks about. You are not just setting boundaries with them. You're setting them with yourself. Okay? So here's an example. I will not engage with my parallel parent after 6:00 PM whatever it is. Maybe that's not your time, maybe it's eight. Whatever suits your schedule and your peace of mind, let yourself have those nights where you can just relax and say, I'm not even going to acknowledge them. Number two, I will not read texts more than once. Don't get into that monkey mind where you read things over and over and try to analyze and figure out. Read it just once. And then to the third point, I will pause before responding so I don't go into trigger mode. And there's more on this in my boundaries course. But if you don't go into trigger mode, you help yourself keep that piece, you're helping yourself.

(07:06)
They're going to keep coming at you. You can't control them. You can't control what you're doing. So you can control when you, you're accepting their texts, looking at them, you can control how many times you're looking at them. And you can control, even though it's a little hard saying, I'm going to go count to 30, right? Do something like that. And once you get to 30, your body has already calmed down a bit, and you can go into something else and then have a second point of, okay, now that I'm calm, I'm going to just leave that and I'm going to go do this. Maybe to take your mind off it. Put on some funny animal videos. Go throw some laundry in. Whatever you got to do to kind of get out of that triggered emotional response because you do not want to take their bait and respond while you were feeling that way.

(07:59)
And we want to keep it short and simple, like I said. And when you're in trigger mode, you can't do that. So this though, a bonus of emotional boundaries with yourself is this builds that self-trust. We've talked about that. You have trouble trying to get back. You don't know if you can trust yourself anymore. This help builds that. Setting boundaries with yourself. You're making agreements with you and you're protecting yourself. And when you trust you, their chaos cannot pull you back in. When you get to that point where you start saying, okay, I've got me, I'm going to protect me. I know what I'm doing. They can't get you back in. I love that. So let's recap. Narcissists don't want peace. They want power. We know that regular co-parenting tips do not work on dynamics. They just don't. Number three, your boundaries need to be airtight.

(09:02)
The biggest thing, emotion free, if you take anything from this podcast, emotion free and backed by emotional self-protection, right? So take the emotions out it, step away. Do not respond when you are triggered. Final thoughts here. You're not powerless, okay? You're not difficult or bitter for setting limits at all. They'll make you think you are, but you're not. I'm the queen. Be a boundaries. I know, okay, you're not. You're a mom. Reclaiming her peace in the middle of a damn storm. That is crazy. But do you know that's actually your superpower? That you are here saying, I'm going to show up for my kids. I'm going to show up for myself. I'm not doing this anymore. That's not bitter, that's not mean. That's smart as hell.

(10:02)
So if you're ready to create boundaries that actually stick, even with the most manipulative X, you can download my free guide called Buy Guilt, hello Boundaries. I love it. And that is packed with guilt-free scripts starter steps to help you say no with zero apology. And you can go from there. I do have a course too, but check out that free guide first, and I will put the link as always in the podcast description area, the notes area, whatever you want to call it, and make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so you get all my goodies. But I'm so excited. This is a brand new free guide. This Buy Guilt, hello Boundaries. It's going to help you out. It's brand new. So it's got all sorts of good stuff that I have learned through the years and polished up. So go grab that. That is your homework for this day. Go grab that. It's, I'll have the link like I said in the description, and I will see you in the next episode. Don't forget, Thursdays are my quicker episodes that are more like hands-on healing from the body visualizations, meditations. Sometimes we'll do like a script, so they're shorter, little bite sized episodes that you can save and go back to over and over again. So make sure to follow the podcast so you get the notifications, and I will see you on Thursday. Bye, queen.

Breaking the Trauma Bond and How to Break Free

Thu, 26 Mar 2026 06:00:00 -0400

Breaking the Trauma Bond: What Keeps You Hooked (And How to Finally Break Free)

Episode Description (Show Notes):

You left… but you still feel hooked.
You blocked them… but you still think about them.
You know they were toxic… so why does part of you miss them?

Welcome to the trauma bond.

In this episode, Christy breaks down:
What a trauma bond really is
Why you feel addicted to someone who hurt you

The exact steps to finally unhook and come back to YOU

If you’ve ever felt confused, ashamed, or obsessed after narcissistic abuse—this is your wake-up call (and your soft place to land). 💕

Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide

Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?
Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.
Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250

Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?

Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.
Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:

Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake Session
This 90-minute session is for the woman who’s serious about healing and wants to explore working together in a deeper way. It’s not designed as a one-off quick fix—but rather a powerful first step for those considering the monthly or 3-month coaching containers. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure which path to take next, this session is for you.
Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

3-Month Transformational Coaching Package
This is the most supportive and spacious container I offer. We’ll dive deep into emotional healing, nervous system support, boundary work, and personal empowerment so you can rise fully in your peace and power.
Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

Related Episodes You’ll Love:

Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Help
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120

Thrive in 5: Still Energetically Tied to the Narcissist? Cut the Cord With This Quick Practice
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155

Stay Connected:

email: fiercemamac@gmail.com

Follow Christy on Instagram →

https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So you block them, you want no contact, whatever it is, they're toxic. So why does part of you still miss them or just obsess over them? Why do you feel guilty or worse even tempted to go back? I've been getting some messages lately with listeners who really are trying to stay away and out of the life and not take the bait, but it is hard for them. So let's go into it. If you've ever felt like you're addicted to the narcissist, this episode is for you. We're talking about the trauma bond, what it is, why it's so hard to break, and how to finally unhook and come back to you because you're the queen, right?

(00:46)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:44)
Hello, beautiful soul. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast where we were clean that peace, protect our power, and rebuild self-trust after narcissistic abuse. I'm Christy Jade, and today we are going deep into something most survivors wrestle with. I'd probably say all of them, even after they leave it is the trauma bond. That soul tie feeling, the obsessive loop that goes round and round in your mind, that craving for someone you know is harmful. And we can get shame about this, right? Kick that shit to the curb. We don't have time for your shame. Alright? So you're not crazy. You are trauma bonded and we're going to talk about it. So what is a trauma bond? It is a psychological and physiological attachment. These are real things, okay? Science that forms through repeated cycles of abuse and the intermittent reinforcement. So basically they hurt you.

(02:49)
They love bomb you, so you feel relief, right? Then what do they do? They pull away again. It's like, yo-yo, right? And your nervous system actually does become addicted to this cycle. The ups and downs, it becomes attached to it. It's the cycle. It's familiar, and you want that relief, right? Even after they hurt you, you're waiting, okay, well, I'm just holding onto that high. So kind of like a slot machine. You don't really know what you're going to get each day. You keep pulling the lever, hoping this time they're going to love you, right? They're going to treat you right? You're going to change them. Maybe this is all stuff I've heard about in my own life, of course, and then heard from you guys and working with clients. So the more unpredictable the behavior, the stronger bond.

(03:48)
That's why narcissists are masters at trauma bonding you so signs that you're still hooked even after going no contact or low contact. These trauma bonds can still linger. So here's some signs to know if you are still bonded, you miss them more than you want to admit. You might keep it on the dl. You fantasize them about them changing. Maybe even after you are broken up completely could be after you're divorced, these things happen, right? You doubt yourself or feel guilty for leaving. You have those moments. Maybe it's not all the time you feel anxious, empty or depressed without them. And again, this can be one or all of these. You don't have to necessarily feel all of these, but these are different versions. You minimize what they did. Oh, it wasn't that bad, right? Or look, we had good times though, right? That's minimizing the bad too.

(04:51)
Or you feel pulled to contact them even when you know it's basically self-sabotage. You still have that pull. This isn't weakness. And I know we can feel weak when we're in this, I get it, but it's a physiological, psychological and emotional loop. And until you interrupt it, it's going to keep looping. So why is it so hard to break? We're going to break down why you're still hooked. Even when your logical mind, you know that guy, there's like on the left shoulder, his logic says run. There is brain chemistry involved in this. So take a sigh of relief, maybe hug yourself. Like, Hey, this is actually a real condition in my brain.

(05:39)
So give yourself grace, please. So each high you got after a discard or mistreatment abuse, the hoover, the love bomb. That's the cycle. Discard Hoover love bomb released dopamine. You literally became chemically addicted to those tiny hits of validation and relief. And it's a cycle of knowing, oh, well, you know the pattern. You've been around this person long enough to know what the pattern is. So that can look like, oh, there's this abuse. I know what comes after it. That dopamine hit, it's going to feel better after. So I'm going to stick around for that dopamine. Okay?

(06:26)
Also, you attach during crisis. So that's another reason you are hooked, right? So you brain bonded during trauma. This is a primal survival strategy. Primal. It says stay close to danger so you can control it. And this is a big one in my past. Predict it. You feel like, okay, at least I know I can predict what's going to happen. Spoiler, you cannot control it, but your brain keeps trying. It wants to, which makes sense. And then there's the low self-worth equals an easier hook. So another reason it's hard to break when someone makes you feel like only they can love you the way they love you. Or maybe you're not worthy of love, right? These abusers often will make you feel like shit, knock you down, crush any confidence you have so they can have control over you and hook you more, right? It can tap into your childhood wounds, unmet needs you had, whether it was childhood are grown and fears, just even based on fears that you can lower your self-worth. They become your source of value. Really, you're dependent on them in those dopamine hits and those love bombs to feel valuable. So when they pull away, you panic because your sense of self, which is not from this point on, that's not going to be our sense of self anymore. We're going to do this work, but because that sense of self is tied to them. So how do you break free? That's all Great. Christie, how do you break free?

(08:13)
Let's flip the script here, Rick. Rick, here's how you start cutting the cord for real. First, label it as trauma bond. Naming it really out loud. Say it out loud. I'm a big advocate of saying shit out loud. Name it. This is trauma bond. It is not love. It is not a soulmate. It is a trauma bond. Say it. This is a trauma bond. Go ahead, queen. And then we're going to rename it from love toon. So that is going to reframe it in your mind and you might have to repeat that. You can repeat as much as you want. Put it on a beautiful old sticky note on your mirror. Number two, here we are my favorite going no contact. I know it's not as easy as it is for some as others, and some situations are hard to do. Do that in obviously co-parenting littles, but as limited as possible.

(09:17)
Okay? So that's blocking on socials. Even if you just check their page or you're not following them necessarily, no, every exposure is another dopamine hit. Okay? Think about it. I want you to suck that up. Why do you check their socials? It's actually a dopamine hit. It's reinforcing your cycle of what the shitty shit and the dopamine hit. We want to get rid of the cycle. Cold Turkey is hard, but it is clean. We love a good clean break and it works faster than the slow trying to pull away from that dopamine ripping off the bandaid. And by the way, if you need help doing this and support, that's what I'm here for. So check out the ways to work with me in my show notes always there and my emails there. If you have any questions about what I think you need, you can always email me too.

(10:14)
Alright. Number three, flood your nervous system with safety. We can't think our way out of this. This is a body thing. This is where the somatic work comes in. And I do somatic work with most of my clients. We need to feel safe in our bodies. That's where all of the somatic energy healing comes. So this, and it's like, oh, somatic. We're not going to get crazy going into somatic healing today. I'm going to give you a few examples of what you can do. Getting a walk in nature, grounding with your bare feet. Yes, go hippie on me. Okay, orienting practice. I think I've talked about this one, but you're looking around, you're naming what you see often. I will tell myself, prompt myself, okay, find four aqua things in the room. Aqua is a little harder than red, right? So I like a little challenge or find four different patterns.

(11:10)
Find what are two smells I can smell? What are three sounds? I can hear the birds chirping, right? The air filter that's blowing the TV two rooms away. It makes you present. Breath work, even cold water. I don't mess with cold water. I don't care. I don't care how much work I need. I'm never doing the cold water plunge. Okay? But you do, you boo boo. So you calm your body, you clear your mind. And yes, those might be momentary, but hey, they all add up. If you want to do deeper work, hit me up. Number four, rewire the belief that you need them. Let's say it for the people in the back, in the way, way back, rewire the belief that you need them. Start affirming. Have you heard of affirmations? Yeah. Love shouldn't hurt.

(12:04)
And maybe save this episode or write these down. You can repeat 'em. Love shouldn't hurt. I don't chase chaos. I choose peace. And this one, okay, I was taught conditioned that this was love. It is not. And I get to learn a new way, the real way, by the way. So you're not just detoxing from them. I'm going to repeat this. I really feel this in my heart that you need to hear it. You're not just detoxing from them. You're detoxing from the belief that love equals pain. Okay? You're so used to that. It was just part of the bargain, part of the deal. No, no ma'am.

(13:04)
So detox from that belief, and you can keep those affirmations so you don't really miss them. I know it feels like that. You miss the illusion, the validation, the love bombing, the dopamine, the feeling special when they would put you in those moments. And the good news is you can give yourself everything you were chasing in them. Do you know that? Work with me, queen. You're going to be a confident as queen. Upgrade. We're upgrading our confidence here. If this episode hit home, go share it. Is there someone else who could use this that that's feeling hooked? Okay, save it. Let's normalize this part of the healing journey, because shame has no seat at our table or our throne, whatever you want to call it. If you want more help unwinding trauma from your nervous system, let's grab your intake call and start our journey.

(14:11)
The intake call, it's about an hour and a half, an hour to an hour and a half, depending how far we go in your story. It's really me getting a background. We usually have time to do a little somatic exercise together, and then that sets you up and sets me up with the information so that we can start our really deep work together, like lasting work. And I say that because Somatic Healing was a life changer for me. I did therapy for years. I love therapy. I love all the shit, but the somatic healing, and I do both. We do a little therapy, but we also, we really focus on feeling better and safe in the body too, right? Because the body remembers everything. That's where it sits. That's where we upset. Stomach, stress, shoulders, all these symptoms that we get can be so related to our nervous system being so jacked up from all the years of dealing with this crap, right?

(15:18)
Yeah. We work on the brain stuff too, the mind stuff. How to deal with the narcs in your life if you're still involved with them at all that. But we do both so that you can have a complete healing and really a healing that not just the foundation, but then afterwards you actually get to thrive, right? You're getting this, I almost picture it like a, what's it? A vault? You've run what? Jump on that vault and then you're limitless. You might feel like that's not even attainable right now. So I won't go too deep into that. I know it can feel far away, but I'm telling you, I've been there. I have gone through a lot of shit in my life and I am an amazing peace bubble in my life. I'm unshakeable. I know my truth. I don't take the bait of any freaking narcissist anymore.

(16:16)
I have way more confidence and self-trust. Even more important than confidence is my self trust. You can get there. If I can get there, you can get there. Okay? So if you're interested in doing this work, one-on-one links are in the show notes or email me. Alright? Felt some passion up in here, but you are not alone. You're not broken. You're finally freeing yourself, right? This was a trauma bond and we're taking the scissors and we're cutting them, by the way. Ooh. I also want you to go in the show notes. There's also an energetic cord cutting episode I have. I think I actually have two of 'em. There's a longer one and a Thrive in five. If you don't know, I do thrive in fives on Thursdays. They're five minutes around. Five minutes. I'm chatty. So maybe 10 somatic healing exercises every single Thursday to get that hands-on ship. Okay? So I'll put those two episodes in the show notes as well. All right, see you in the next step. Love you. Bye.

Affirmations to Heal After Narcissistic Abuse (When Your Mind Won’t Let Go)

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 11:48:21 -0400

Schedule a 1:1 coaching call with me here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

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Why You Don’t Trust Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse (And 3 Ways to Rebuild It)

Tue, 17 Mar 2026 09:44:42 -0400

Why You Don’t Trust Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse (And 3 Ways to Rebuild It)

If you’ve ever left a narcissistic relationship and thought, “How did I not see that?” or “Why don’t I trust my judgment anymore?” you’re not alone. One of the most damaging effects of narcissistic abuse is the way it erodes your self-trust.

Gaslighting, manipulation, and emotional conditioning slowly train you to question your own reality. Over time, you start doubting your instincts, your memories, and even your smallest decisions.

In this episode, Christy Jade explains why narcissistic abuse breaks your ability to trust yourself and shares three powerful ways to start rebuilding that trust so you can reclaim your peace, confidence, and inner authority.

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This container is designed for women ready to break free from trauma bonds, rebuild self-trust, and create strong boundaries after narcissistic abuse. Together we work through mindset, somatic healing, emotional regulation, and practical boundary tools.

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6-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container

For deeper healing and long-term transformation. This container supports women who want sustained guidance while rebuilding their identity, peace, and personal power after abuse.

Learn more:
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12-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container

For women who want full support while completely rebuilding their life after narcissistic abuse. This container provides long-term guidance, accountability, and deep healing work.

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Contact:
00:00):

Good morning, Queens. It is Christie and we are diving right into it. I am sick, almost getting over this thing. So if my voice sounds a little froggy, you hear a lozenge tapping around my teeth, that's why. And maybe why this is a little late today. Usually I post it by 6:00 AM and it is now 9:15. So sorry for the delay, but hey, better late than ever? All right. So if you've ever left a narcissistic relationship and thought, how did I not see that? How did I stay so long? How did I do this to myself? How did I do this to my children? Why didn't I trust my gut? There were maybe some red flags. Why didn't I pay attention to them? And maybe now you find yourself second guessing everything. Your memories, your instincts, even small decisions like what to get at the store, what to eat, what to say in a text message.

(01:00)
If this is happening to you, I want you to hear this. You are not broken. Narcissistic abuse doesn't just hurt your heart. It erodes your ability to trust yourself. So today we're going to talk about why that happens and three ways to start rebuilding your self-trust. All right. So I'm your host, Christie Jade. Welcome if you are new here. Say hello. Follow my podcast so you get every episode. It's Tuesdays and Thursdays. And join the Facebook group. It's private and there's women just like you in there that are going through what you're going through and you can chatty chatsky and I post some quotes, sometimes the links to my podcast, and I'm going to start trying to do some mini videos in there. So definitely join that. That is in the description notes. So if you're here, you're probably someone who has experienced manipulation, gaslighting, emotional abuse, maybe physical abuse, maybe financial abuse from a narcissistic person.

(02:07)
And hold on. I'm going to spit out my laws and you get to hear this lovely. I didn't do video this week because no one needs to see what's happening. All right. So one of the most painful things that happens after a relationship with a narcissist is something people don't really talk about enough. You don't just lose the relationship. You lose trust in yourself. And often we lose a relationship and think, "Oh, I'm going to find this freedom. I'm going to feel so good. This is so hard, but at least I'm going to be free." But that freedom has a little price tag with it. And that is that often we have lost our trust in ourselves and maybe other people, right? But today we're talking about the self-trust that we do lose. And I hear it from clients all the time. I've been through it.

(02:59)
They say things like, "I don't trust my judgment anymore. I feel like I missed all the flags." Or maybe they saw a sliver, but all the good stuff kind of overrode it and they tried to rationalize it. Then they wonder, "What if I fall for this again?" That's a big question, right? And so I want to unpack why this happens and how to begin rebuilding that trust in yourself because here's the truth. Your intuition was not broken. It was buried under manipulation. Okay? So let's start with why this happens. Because once you understand the mechanism, it becomes much easier to stop blaming yourself because I really ... None of us look good in the blame crown. We want that shiny, gold, empowering crown that we deserve. So narcissistic relationships slowly train you to doubt your reality, right? This often happens through something called gaslighting, which many of you have probably heard of if you're in this narcissistic realm now.

(04:08)
Some of you may not, but it's when someone repeatedly denies your experience or they twist reality so you start questioning yourself. You might say something like, "That hurts my feelings." And they say, "You're too sensitive," or, "That never happened," or, "You're remembering it wrong. You're crazy. You're way too much." And when this happens over and over again, something very important starts to happen inside your brain. It's a real thing. Your brain begins to think, "Maybe I am wrong." And eventually you start doing something that feels safer in the moment. You start doubting yourself before they can even doubt you. Your brain learns that trusting yourself leads to conflict. Okay? I want to repeat that again. This is something we don't really know when we're in it. Your brain learns that trusting yourself, which you're supposed to do, but it is conditioned to think, which is your reality in the situation, that it leads to conflict.

(05:19)
And narcissists design that way on purpose. But questioning yourself keeps the peace. It keeps you safe in your situation. So you begin overriding your instincts. You ignore the gut feeling. You explain away the red flags. You tell yourself, "Oh, you're overreacting. You're just sensitive." And over time, this creates a deep wound to your self-trust. So when that relationship ends, you're left thinking, "How did I miss this? " But the truth is you didn't miss it. You were trained to override it. Okay? You didn't miss it. It was there, but you've been conditioned. And that conditioning takes some time to undo, but it can be done. Okay? So the three self-trust wounds survivors experience. We'll talk about those before we get into, let's fix this junk. All right? Most survivors experience three common self-trust wounds after narcissistic abuse. So the first is constant second guessing, right?

(06:30)
You question your memories, you replay conversations. You wonder if you're being too harsh or too forgiving. Even simple decisions can feel overwhelming because you're afraid of making the wrong choice. And the second wound is decision paralysis. I'm sure you're familiar with this one. When your confidence in your judgment has been shaken, your brain starts trying to avoid mistakes. So instead of choosing, you freeze. You ask 10 people for advice. You research endlessly. You overthink constantly because part of you is still afraid that trusting yourself will lead to danger as it did in the past, as we mentioned.

(07:18)
And the third wound is outsourcing your intuition. Instead of really getting calm with yourself, and that's why I'm such a big advocate of prayer and meditation, right? Spending time with yourself and relearning, retrusting yourself. But instead of checking in, you look to others for validation because you don't trust yourself. So what do you think I should do? Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal? And while support is sometimes helpful, healing means eventually coming back to the most important voice, which is your own. And I'm a God person. You don't have to be, but I am going to talk about God here on my podcast because I'm a God person and I relate that your own voice, your intuition to me is the Holy Spirit. So getting connected enough with yourself so that you are open to hearing God's voice.

(08:20)
So what are the three ways to rebuild that self-trust? The good news is this. You don't rebuild it through huge life decisions first. Okay? We do baby sparkle steps, small daily evidence. Okay? So number one, start with tiny decisions, tiny decisions. And I've done this on some of the somatic healing journeys we go through. I've had a couple people where we go through, we literally envision going shopping together and just choosing things you like because some people are so conditioned. They say they can't even go to a store and pick out a piece of artwork or a new coffee table because they second guess themselves so much because they've been conditioned this way. So somatic healing is an amazing way to recover from this. But anyway, so start with simple questions like, "What do I want to eat this morning? Like what do I really want to eat?

(09:22)
What would really make me happy to eat right now? Or what actually sounds fun right now?

(09:30)
Or what would feel good for my body today?" They seem like tiny things, especially to people who haven't gone through this, right? But every time you make a choice based on your own voice, you're sending your brain a powerful message. You're saying, "My preference matters. My voice matters." Self-trust is built through hundreds of small decisions, not one huge one, which is the good news because you can do tiny decisions. You can start with that. So as I mentioned, meditation, prayer goes under the umbrella of number two, reconnecting with your body. So after narcissistic abuse, many people live almost entirely in your head, right? You analyze everything. You think everything through, but your body is actually where a lot of wisdom is held. Your nervous system sends signals like a tight feeling in your chest, a sinking feeling in your stomach, or a sense of calm and expansion, right?

(10:43)
So learning to notice these signals, right? Stopping and getting in touch with your body. Again, prayer and meditation can be very similar. You're in quiet. You're with yourself. You have no distractions. It's just you and the big man upstairs, right?

(11:04)
I like to pray first, kind of like, "Dear God, please let me relax and help me not be distracted right now and shine the light on what you would like me to feel and know in this moment." And if there's specific things, you get into that, either in prayer or meditation and notice what's happening to your body. Sometimes your body knows the truth before your mind is ready to accept it. That can happen, right? That's why this somatic work, grounding exercises or simply pausing to ask, "How does this feel in my body?" Can be powerful. I do that a lot. I go, "Okay, if my brain is like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. " Which I had actually a big situation like that recently. Guilt was coming up of saying no to something. And I said, "All right, body, it's time.

(12:04)
What is my body saying?" And immediately I knew my throat was tight, my shoulders were up to my damn ears. My body was saying, "No, I can't and I don't want to do this. " You have to listen to your body, all right? The body is very, very powerful. We just need to tap into it. All right? So the third thing, keep small promises to yourself.

(12:35)
Self-trust grows through follow through. Okay? So you make huge commitments or huge, "I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. " You can set yourself up for a letdown and to worsen the self-trust, right? So a smaller promise could be going for a walk you said you take, right? That self-care. So saying, "You know what? This week, Thursday at four o'clock, no matter what, I'm going for a 10 minute walk. We're talking small commitments. Okay? Next week you can make a 20, a 10 minute walk just to be with myself, to clear my head, to feel my body. It could be speaking up about something small or saying no when something doesn't feel right. Maybe that doesn't have to be a big decision this week, but maybe someone asks you to do a favor and say, Oh, hey, can you meet me up at the church to put together the cupcake, whatever, I don't know, before the bake sale.

(13:49)
And you are really spread thin and you're realizing you need some more time for you, which is okay. You don't have to be everywhere for everyone. You could say, "You know what? I don't have time for that, but thank you for asking and I'd love to help in the future." Okay? No committing to anything else right now or you're committing to yourself right now or setting a boundary and sticking to it. This could be even with your kids. Maybe you are someone who has some guilt from staying in a bad situation and you feel bad and so you let your kids get away with the lot of stuff and they've been pushing more boundaries lately. And this week your teen is really upset and they think you're the worst because you don't let them do X, Y, Z. Everyone else does this and that, and you always cave.

(14:52)
This week, maybe you don't cave. Maybe you say, "I love you. I need to do what I think is right for you. " And you can't go to that party when you have a test the next day, whatever it is, setting the boundary and sticking to it. You've got to stick to it. So each time you do that, you're telling your nervous system, "I've got you, baby. I've got you. " And over time, those small moments stack up until one day you realize something amazing. You're not asking everyone else what to do anymore. You're checking in with you first.

(15:37)
And it's not going to be overnight, but it can happen. Just practice these little sparkle steps, do some somatic healing with me, right? If you take one thing from this episode, I want it to be this, okay? The narcissist did not destroy your intuition. It is not kaboom, boom, bow, gone. They simply taught you to ignore it. They did. They conditioned you. They did it on purpose and screw them, but that's another episode. Okay? Healing is the process of remembering your inner voice was always there. It was always there and it's still there. I always say, right? It's like I have a book called Solid Gold Mama. It's the same kind of idea. We have this solid gold inside of us, right? That's our intuition. That's our Holy Spirit. That's God's word. It's there. It does not go anywhere. You cannot damage or undo solid gold.

(16:41)
You just can't. It's there. It's beautiful. It gets covered up by dirt. It gets covered up by mud. It might get dinks that pop right back out though. They will pop back out, but you cannot destroy that beautiful solid gold inside of you. And the more you listen to your intuition, the more solid it stays. The more when someone tries to kick it, it can't even get dinked. Okay? Is dink a word? I want to stop saying dink right now. All right? But if rebuilding self-trust is something you're working on, this is the work we do inside my coaching containers, right? Helping women reclaim their peace, protect your power, and rebuild trust in yourself after this abuse. And you can find all the links in the show notes. I do have three programs that are three, six, and 12 months. If you would like to get a taste of this amazing work, there is a one-off call you can do so we can chat, see if it's a good fit, and do maybe a little tapping.

(17:59)
If you don't know what tapping is, it's so fun.

(18:04)
We can work on that, depending on how the call goes. Sometimes it's mostly talking. We'll try to fit something in at the end. If it's not a lot of talking, we can have a longer session. It's whatever you need will happen. And you have to trust that. I know that's hard for us, but trust that that will happen. No session is the same. No one session is the same for all my clients and even within one of my clients. I have clients that have been with me for years and none of their sessions are ever the same. And it is amazing work. So when you sign on, we do long-term. In the beginning, it might be a little more talking and some somatic. Some clients come in and where they are, they talk a little and most of the session can be somatic. Or it might be one session, they're really drained and just want to have a quiet somatic session, or they feel really chatty and they want to talk and get out their stuff and then navigate how to work with their co-parent.

(19:11)
And then the next week we'll calm their nervous system with the beautiful joy ride soul cation. There is so much magic in this work. I just love it. I love it. I love it. Obviously, that's why I do it. So if you're interested in doing one of those calls, whether it's a one-off call or diving right into one of the programs where you do save money, the longer you commit, that's just how these things work, right? All those options are in the show notes. And again, join the Facebook group. There's a boundaries, little freebie pocket guide. If you're not the best at boundaries, there is actually an empowered boundaries course. That's there if you want to check that out. All my stuff's always in the show notes. Okay? And if you have any questions, my email's always there too. FiercemamaC@gmail and you can write me, just say hello.

(20:05)
I answer every single email myself, which won't be forever. I am getting more emails and more clients and all of that, but while it's there, take advantage of it and say hello and I will write you back directly. All right. I hope you guys have a beautiful Tuesday, Wednesday, whenever you listen to this. And don't forget, Thursday is our Thrive in Five, and that will be a beautiful and related to today's episode, Somatic Healing Experience. So I hope you all can join me for that. So definitely, again, follow the podcast. This is an ongoing journey that every episode builds on the last one. So it's like this stacked journey of joy. All right? I love you guys. I'll see you in the next one. Bye.

Hate Seeing the Narcissist Move On? Try This 5-Minute Reset

Thu, 12 Mar 2026 11:47:31 -0400

Seeing the narcissist appear happy, thriving, or “better off without you” can trigger a wave of anger, sadness, and self-doubt. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse find themselves measuring their healing by what the narcissist’s life looks like now.

In this Thrive in 5 episode, Christy Jade walks you through a short EFT tapping practice to help calm your nervous system and break the mental loop of comparing your life to theirs.

Because the truth is this: your healing has nothing to do with whether the narcissist seems to be winning. Your healing is about reclaiming your peace, your power, and your focus.

If you’ve been stuck checking their social media, wondering if they’re happier, or feeling triggered when it looks like they’ve moved on quickly, this episode will help you shift your energy back where it belongs — on your life.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why your brain keeps tracking what the narcissist is doing after the relationship
• The nervous system pattern that keeps survivors focused on the narcissist
• How EFT tapping can interrupt obsessive thinking and emotional triggers
• A guided tapping sequence to release the need to monitor their life

Feeling stuck in the mental loop of the narcissist? Let’s reset it.

If you’re tired of the obsessive thoughts, emotional triggers, or constantly replaying what happened, my Calm & Clarity Reset Call is designed to help you shift out of that spiral quickly.

In this focused 1:1 session we’ll calm your nervous system, untangle what’s actually keeping you stuck, and create clear next steps so you can move forward with confidence.

Book your Reset Call here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/

3-Month Coaching Container: Reclaim Your Peace

This container is designed for women who are ready to stabilize their nervous system, rebuild self-trust, and start creating real emotional freedom after narcissistic abuse.

Apply here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Coaching Container: Queens of Peace

For deeper healing and long-term transformation. Together we work through trauma patterns, boundaries, nervous system regulation, and rebuilding the life you want after abuse.

Apply here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Coaching Container

This is the highest level of support for women ready to fully reclaim their power and build a life that feels peaceful, confident, and aligned.

Apply here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

Contact:
00:00):

Hello. I have to do some intro music because I don't have time to do the whole thing this week. So we're going to go. I forgot my music. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with me. How's that? Should that be my new diddy? All right. So you guys, yes, it's been a crazy week, kind of a tough week. If I'll be honest, we all have our weeks. A kind of tough week for me. I know I want to talk about stuff more, so maybe I'll take that opportunity. So also connect in the Facebook group, you guys. Don't forget. Don't forget. It's always in the show notes. You can join there. It's a private group. So it's not public. No one can see it. And there's questions to make sure no sketchies or bots get in there. You have to provide your email, all of that good stuff so we know it's like a safe place to chat.

(00:56)
That being said, yeah, there's been some shifts and I am very excited to really focus on my business and just really concentrating on my book. I've been working on my book, if you guys don't know that, which is related to narcissistic abuse recovery. Very excited about it. And I have some really cool leads where hopefully it will be able to get seen and impact more people than I hoped even. So cross your fingers and pray for that. You know my goal is to help as many women as I can deal with ... And men. I've had men write me too that listen to this podcast. So thank you. Thank you. This advice is not just for women. That's true. I just happened to specialize in working with women because I'm a woman and I know the woman things. But also if you hear it, I don't know if I'm getting sick or it's the crazy weather here in the DMV.

(02:00)
I live right outside of Washington DC. And right now it's dropping dramatically to 30 something degrees when it was 84 degrees yesterday. It's wild. It's been absolutely wild weather here. So hold on to your seats where you are too. I heard there's some weird shifting in Colorado or Utah too, just some weird weather patterns. So here we are. Anyway, but I wanted to connect about ... I'm on this journey and sometimes we have to pivot and people like us who have gone through a lot sometimes are afraid to say no or afraid to make decisions that may impact other people and stay stuck because we have a tendency to people please. And we kind of have that, "Oh, I want people to like me and whatever." It's like this conditioning when you've gone through abusive situations where you feel like, "Yeah, I really don't want to upset anyone." And that's a great goal.

(03:30)
We never want to upset anyone, right? But sometimes when things are not aligned in whatever way, you do have to make decisions and you have to do what is right for you, which usually, let's be honest, is right for everyone because you're not going to be the best you if you stay in a relationship and whatever situation, if you're staying out of fear. So if you're in any situation right now where you're staying out of fear of either letting someone down, which is, that's my biggest thing. I do not like to let people down. It will eat at me and that's something I've worked on. And so my body, look, my somatic body's still catching up with that a little bit. I know it's okay to do and that we're not going to make everyone a thousand percent happy all of the time. However, my body still is a little stuck going, "Oh, but it still feels bad a little bit." So that's why we do these certain things like tapping we're going to do today.

(04:50)
It's an example to show you this is like life doesn't stop lifeing. Your feelings don't stop. When you're quote healing, that doesn't mean you don't feel things or you don't get triggered or you don't have certain reactions. It's having the tools with, well, how do you deal with it when it comes up? So yes, this week I've had triggers, I've had guilty feelings, all sorts of stuff come out and I have the tools that I have so my body and nervous system can go, "You're still safe. It's not the end of the world. Your brain knows that, but this body over here is having a little trouble." So you're going to have reactions. Today we're going to do tapping around watching them move on. This is a theme that has come up with multiple clients of mine. So like recently, so I noticed a pattern and was like, maybe this is God telling me I need to do a tapping session in general.

(05:51)
And I was first just going to put it on like YouTube, like do a short on YouTube or Instagram and maybe I'll still do that. But I felt like, well, where's my real audience? Where are my peeps? And you're here. So even though we're on audio, I'm going to walk you through and tell you what to do with the tapping. I'm doing a video. I look like trash because I'm not feeling very well, but I'm going to put the video on YouTube. So I will link that in the show notes so you are able to get the visual if you want it and just don't mind my trash look. Today, what is it? Thursday? Thursday's trash look like Christie. All right. So watching them move on. First we're going to talk about it real quick. Watching them move on is never easy. Even if let's say you're the one who decided to end the relationship, you're the one who decided to walk away or just you know it wasn't right and that they were mistreating you, all of this.

(06:51)
And you're like, "Well, why do I still care? Why am I still looking at their social media? Why am I still upset when I see my ex, let's say it's co-parenting." When I see him now dating someone and logically you get upset with yourself going, "Why do I care? I know he's not good for me. I don't want to be with him. He's awful. Why do I care?" But that is a part of this. It's because you've been so conditioned by this type of person and that's a whole other episode in and of itself. Part of that can be worse tying to comparison. They have moved on and maybe you haven't or they move on and you look at this new person thinking, "Oh my God, is she better than me? " Do they think she's nicer? Are they going to treat her so good?

(07:50)
Thinking that this partner's going to change, which no, they'll treat her like trash eventually too. They will love Bomb like they did with you in the beginning, right? But a leopard's a leper, right? Those spots don't change with narcissist usually. Also, what do we call that 0.0060147% that change? Maybe, but let's not hold our breath for that. So you get my point, right? You often want to look at yourself and have that strength to say, "I don't care. I don't care." But you're human and you've been conditioned and there are worth issues for you that have stemmed from being in a relationship like this where you are now trying to figure out your worth by what they're doing. And so we're going to end that. We're going to end that today. So with tapping, you tap certain points. Now I got to put ... Where am I going to put my microphone?

(08:54)
I didn't think about this. I'm holding my microphone because I'm in my bed today. It's a lazy day. I usually have it on a desk, so I'm going to have to figure out what to do with that. But the tapping points, when you tap them, you do this karate chop point in the beginning. That's to activate. I call them like the energy channels, right? Where this stuff really gets more embodied in your body rather than just words. Words are great too. Repetition. There's all sorts of things that can help rewire the brain. Tapping it in your body is another level where you're doing these points and your body's starting to viscerally feel and accept, right? Kind of digest what you're saying with your brain now that's signaling your body once you're opening these channels. So it's finally working in parallel rather than just the brain going, "Oh yeah, I know logically I shouldn't care." But your body's like, "But I care." Right?

(09:46)
Does that make sense? Good. All right. So this practice will help release the habit of measuring your healing by what a former partner, friend, boss, whatever, parent is doing with their life. Maybe it's after you have cut them off, maybe you're co-parenting. This is the one that's come up a lot in the last couple of weeks for my clients, seeing that they really are having trouble with seeing their exes move on and questioning themselves because of it. So it's bringing focus back to you, your body, your nervous system, and your own healing, because that's what matters. What they're doing really has nothing to do with you, but I know sometimes that's hard for us to ... We can hear it, but to process it is a very different thing, right? All right. So that being said, let's start. So it's good with tapping, so you just get a sense.

(10:51)
You first will rate zero to 10. You will ask, when you think about what their life looks like compared to yours in general, or with this person, a new person, or just in general, maybe they got this amazing job or they got the gorgeous house or the race car or the donuts. Okay. Notice how activated your body is, right? How do you feel? Not your thoughts, but really like, how's your body feeling? Rate it from zero to 10, the intensity of that anxiousness or annoyance or whatever comes up. We don't need to label the feeling. We're labeling the intensity of that feeling, zero to 10. So I'm going to zoom back on my own life. I had broken up with a narcissist, and I will tell you it was my choice.

(11:54)
At that point, finally, I had gone back to him and broken up, but when I really ended it the last time, I was very, very sure. When I ran into him, how many years later I had that visceral reaction. I had it in my body of, A, just him moving on. He was with someone else. I was like, all these thoughts of, "Oh, what if she's more this? What if she's more that? " Even though I didn't want to be with him, it was just how this kind of works. I'm trying to think viscerally what that would've been like then. Probably an eight and I wasn't even ... I mean, that was a couple years after. So that intensity, what is that, zero to 10? Just remember that number. And now we're going to go into the actual tapping. So of course, get settled and take a good halo breath through your nose and now at your mouth.

(12:52)
Let your body just settle a little bit. And all right. So the karate chop point. I guess it's good I'm holding my microphone because I'm going to have to describe it without doing it for you audio people. But no, I do need to find something. Hold on. Let me see.

(13:14)
Okay. So karate chop is halfway between the bottom of your pinky and the bottom of your palm on the side. So it's the sides of your hands in the middle there, in the meaty part, each hand. And if you're watching, you can see me. Okay? If you're not, you basically put those in a cross position like perpendicular. So those spots are meeting and you're just bouncing, right? One, two, three. You just, you're karate chopping your hands together, opening the channel. This part you only have to do once when you are starting the rounds. We're going to do three rounds today. Yeah. Okay? So got your karate chop point. I got my little script. I made a beautiful script for you guys. All right. So you're going to repeat after me while you're just doing the karate chop point. As we're opening up, just listen to these words and repeat after me.

(14:20)
Even though I keep measuring my healing by what their life looks like, I deeply and completely accept myself.

(14:37)
Okay. Next. Even though part of me keeps checking, whether they're doing well or not, my nervous system learned to watch them to stay safe. Okay. Last one here. Even though my mind keeps going back to their life, I'm open to bringing my attention back to myself. All right. So now we're getting to the regular tapping part here. Okay? So we're going to have three rounds. Round one is acknowledging the pain. So let me tell you the points. As we go in round one, I'll tell you where to put your fingers. We're going to use your first, middle and ring finger, keep them together, right? Like they're little buddies, their cousins hanging out. And on the eyebrow, we're going to start right in the center, like where your eyebrow starts essentially, right? And you're just going to tap there and repeat everything after me. I'm not going to say it every time.

(15:48)
So anything I say, I'm giving you space to repeat. All right. So this is acknowledging the pain, round one.

(15:55)
So we're on that eyebrow point. I keep thinking about what their life looks like. Side of the eye on the temple, same three fingers. My mind keeps checking on them. Under the eye, that orbital bone right there. Are they happy? Are they struggling? Now under the nose, this is halfway between the nose and the upper lip. It feels like that somehow means something about me. Chin, just in the middle of the chin. My brain learned to monitor them. Then we go to the collarbone. I kind of spread my fingers out a little bit here. That's what helped me survive the relationship.

(17:04)
You can do underarm where the bra strap would lay on the side of your body. My nervous system got used to tracking them. They were going to bring it to the top of the head, right in the center, so that your three fingers are like in a line front to back. And that habit is still there. Round two, we're doing understanding the nervous system here. Okay? Back to the eyebrow. My brain still thinks I need to watch them. Side of the eye, temple, as if their life determines my healing. Under the eye. But that's an old survival pattern.

(18:10)
Under the nose. My body was trained to stay focused on them. Now the chin, but I don't have to live there anymore. Collarbone. I can start bringing the focus back to me. Underarm. My healing lives in my body. That's right, Queen. Back to top of the head. Not in what their life looks like. Okay. For round three, reclaiming focus. Okay, go back to that eyebrow. I'm allowed to stop measuring my healing by them. Side eye. I can measure healing by my peace. Yes. It's the good stuff. Round three is always the best. Under the eye, by my calm, under the nose, by my boundaries.

(19:42)
The chin. My ability to choose myself. Collarbone. My nervous system learning safety again. Underarm. My life getting bigger. Top of the head. And them becoming less important. All right. Now place a hand on your heart. Take a nice, slow inhale through the nose and release. Notice your body. Ask yourself what feels different in my body right now. Not your emotions, what feels different? Small shifts in your breath. Your shoulders, tension, your chest. All signs that your nervous system is healing. That shift is actual healing. So going back to that zero to 10 scale, we started where maybe it was a seven or an eight. What is it now?

(21:14)
I imagine it's dropped. That's why we do this, right? And that is proof that your body absolutely can heal through this type of work, right? Through rewiring plus coding it through the body with methods like tapping. There are many more, but tapping is always a fun intro one. So if you want more, if you want more, if you want one-on-one somatic healing like this with the coaching and navigating like we do all of it, I will have all of my offers listed. I do have ... Let's see. Let me look. I think I have two more openings for the month of March for my special calm and clarity reset calls. And I can tell you what is included in that. So that is one call. It's 60 minutes. It's a Zoom. It's to help calm the emotional overwhelm quickly, to feel grounded instead of reactive, a safe space to talk through what's happening, and then personalized boundary or response guidance.

(22:35)
And then a clear next step, plan. What do you need to do next? And then options for continued support. So ongoing support is what makes true transformation, obviously. So this can be a lead into that. This can be a, "Oh, I'm curious about this work. Let me try it. " And if you like it, you can have ongoing support with me once a week and work on not just the mindset, not just navigating. And we do that and that's great, but also this mind-blowing body work, this somatic healing that to me was the missing piece of the puzzle for so many years. So you'll walk away with a calmer nervous system, right? Not just talking it out. Sometimes we can talk it out and feel worse or just heavy. And then the clearest next step for your situation. And then if you want to work on a script, a boundary, a response plan, if you're in a situation made with a co-parent or a parent, your own parent, whatever the situation is so that you can just have some clarity and calm because those are a big part of peace.

(23:54)
And you know, I'm the queen of peace over here. So I hope you enjoyed this. And definitely look at, go check out the Calm and Clarity Reset call, sign up for that. And then if you know you want ongoing work, which some people just jump into, I have three, six, and 12 month options. Everything's listed in my description box. Okay? So definitely come, do the one-on-one work. You deserve it. There is so much transformation that you can have that you have no idea the joy and peace you can feel until you do this work, especially if you're someone who went through a lot of childhood stuff. You may not know what it feels like to be at peace and to be clearheaded and to trust yourself. And we do all of that work, but that is, you got to show up. And that is the ongoing work to do that level of transformation.

(24:56)
So if what you want to do right now is just a one-off call to just get a little nervous system calm and a little direction, great. If you want to see about ongoing work but want to test it out, that call's great for that too. And if you just want to dive the hell in, like some of my clients do, they skip that call and they're like, "I know I need to do this. " There are all those options too. And with those calls also, the longer you sign up, there are different pricing tiers you do save if you sign up for a little longer term and you get the benefits of getting access to me every day, not all day, every day. I got a life guys, but on an app called Voxer. So you can text or leave voice message for me between the weekly calls, which my clients love this bonus.

(25:54)
And this is only with the ongoing packages, but it's great for when you're just spinning out and you need a little either talk it out or a little, I give customized even like tappings or affirmations, customized different little somatic methods I can give through the app. And or if someone's asking, right? I have co-parents ask advice like, "Oh my gosh, he just wrote me this. What should I respond?" Stuff like that. Okay? So it is a great, great bonus you have when you do ongoing work with me. But either way, sign up. If you have not done somatic healing, let's do it. Can we please do this together? It's amazing. So sign up there and don't forget to follow. Like I said, this is an ongoing thing. So you want to get as many of these episodes in as you can. Thursdays are the Thrive in Five.

(26:52)
So that's the ones you want to save and you can use at your leisure when things come up to help your body chill, your mind chill. So don't forget to follow on whatever platform you're on so you don't miss any of these episodes. Okay? All right. You are queens. I love you guys so much. I will let you go and I will see you in the next one. Bye.

Why Do Narcissists Suddenly Act Nice ? The Truth Behind Hoovering

Tue, 10 Mar 2026 06:00:00 -0400

Have you ever noticed that just when you start moving on… the narcissist suddenly becomes kind again? Sweet messages. Apologies. Promises to change. It can make you question everything.

In this episode, Christy explains the manipulation tactic known as hoovering—why narcissists suddenly act nice when they feel you pulling away, how this behavior fits into the narcissistic abuse cycle, and what you can do to protect your peace. If you've ever wondered whether their sudden kindness means they've truly changed, this episode will give you clarity.

🎧 Listen to the episode:
https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-fh2h2-1945389

Your Next Step in Healing

If you're dealing with hoovering, emotional manipulation, or the lingering effects of narcissistic abuse, you don't have to navigate it alone. These patterns can be confusing and exhausting—but clarity and peace are possible.

Working together can help you break trauma bonds, rebuild self-trust, and confidently protect your boundaries.

1:1 Coaching Support

3-Month Transformational Coaching Container
This container is designed for women who want focused support breaking free from narcissistic abuse patterns, strengthening boundaries, and reclaiming their peace.

6-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container
For deeper transformation, this program helps you fully rebuild self-trust, emotional stability, and confidence after narcissistic abuse.

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container
The most comprehensive option for women who want sustained support while rebuilding their life, identity, and relationships after narcissistic abuse.

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
Learn how to set boundaries without guilt.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
Exact scripts to handle narcissistic texts and manipulation.
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course
Build strong boundaries that actually stick.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Join the Free Facebook Community
Connect with other women healing after narcissistic abuse.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

Related Episode

How to Spot a Narcissist in 60 Seconds
One of the most popular episodes of the show. Learn the fast red flags that reveal narcissistic behavior early.
https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-4sj92-15e6a4b

Contact

Email: 00:00):

Ever notice this? You finally start pulling away from the narcissist, you get strong, you get fierce and queeny, and suddenly they're nice again, overly nice. Sweet texts, apologies, promises. Today, we're talking about why narcissists suddenly act nice and the manipulation tactic called hoovering that pulls so many people back in. Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five-minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen, this one's for you. All right, queens. It is Christie with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast. Welcome back or welcome if you are a newbie, a newbie queen. Welcome to the show. Today, we're talking about something that confuses almost everyone who has dealt with a narcissist. You start getting your power back, right? You stop chasing them. You stop overexplaining yourself or explaining yourself at all. And out of nowhere, they're nice again.

(01:10)
And you're like, "What just happened? What's happening?" And this usually shows up right when you start detaching. So maybe you stop texting back so fast because you are losing the conditioning that everything is urgent when it's not. Maybe you set a boundary and say, "I'm not going to let you talk to me like X, Y, Z anymore." Maybe you emotionally checked out. Maybe it's been a while, you are burnt out from their nasty, sticky, ugly spiderweb and you're just disconnected. And suddenly they miss you. They appreciate you. They're sorry. I have quotes up if you can't see me in the video. If you're just on audio, I'm putting a little quotation over that, sorry, because they're fake apologies. Okay? Or our personal favorite here, "I've been doing a lot of thinking." And your brain goes, "Wait, maybe they are really changing." But what you may be experiencing is called hoovering.

(02:19)
So what is hoovering? It is named after yes, the vacuum brand, because the narcissist is trying to suck you back in. When they feel you pulling away, they switch strategies. Instead of criticism, they'll give charm. Instead of distance, they will give you and shower you maybe even with attention. Instead of blaming you, they will give apologies. But the goal usually is not healing. The goal is regaining access to you. I'm going to repeat that again. Their goal is not healing, which it would be lovely if it was, but it is regaining access to you and control over you. In case you're new here, all narcissists seek really is control and that feeds them. So why do they suddenly act nice? There's a few reasons this happens. First, they feel that control slipping. When you stop reacting, it changes the whole dynamic. They love a good reaction.

(03:29)
It shows them that you're under their control, that you are affected by them and they love it. It feeds them. It literally feeds them. So the narcissists rely heavily on emotional reactions. So when that supply, as we call it in this world, narcissistic supply, when that supply disappears, they try to get it back. Second, they want to reset the cycle. So narcissistic relationships usually move through phases. We have the love bombing, right? And that's like right when you meet them, they love bomb you to get you. And then that comes back. There are these cycles. So love bombing, devaluing. That's when they start treating you poorly. Even they can start out slow sometimes where just like little dismissive comments that just kind of like beat you down a little by little emotionally, maybe physically, right? They're devaluing you. And then the discard where they really are treating you almost like trash.

(04:35)
And then comes the hoovering. That's the cycle reset. So if they can pull you back in, the pattern starts again. So they will do that love bombing. The hoover you in, love bomb you, go back to devaluing and discard, push you to that edge again, bring you back in. It is a hideous, hideous cycle. Why it is so confusing. Here's the tricky part. Sometimes during hoovering, they really do seem different. They're good at what they do usually. They're kinder, more thoughtful. One of my recent clients, an ongoing client of mine, during one of these cycles, he was buying her all of a sudden, and this is years into it. She had really pulled away a lot, set major boundaries, left him. He hoovered her back in. And what happened? He love bombed her with trips, beautiful gifts. Let's do this to the house, whatever you want, baby.

(05:47)
Start being more thoughtful. Let me bring you coffee in the morning. This is such a perfect example of love bombing after Hoovering. And it will and can make you question everything. You start wondering, maybe I misunderstood them. The most common one I see is maybe they've changed. Something like ... They realize what they lost and now they're going to change. But what's important to look at is patterns over time. So real change does not show up as a few nice texts or even a couple trips, right? It shows up as consistency, accountability, respect for boundaries. So if you are in a phase, and I hope you're not, and I hope you don't get Hoover back in, but if you're in the midst of it right now and you've been Hoovered and you're back in and like, wait, he is acting, he or she is acting different.

(06:48)
You've got to maybe even test things, set a boundary, see their reaction, right? Do a couple boundaries. Really test for that accountability and not just lip service on things that matter, not just a nice gift, not the things that are easy emotionally, right? A little easier than actually emotionally having to show up. And most importantly, which this is the hard part, right? Is does it last? And unfortunately, if you're in it right now, you may not know that until you've been in this cycle a little longer. But if you know the cycle goes back and forth and back and forth like this, that should be enough clarity for you to say, "Oh, this is a big pattern. We've done this three times. We've done this eight times. We've done this 90 times. It's time for me to pick up and go. " So the question that changes everything, instead of asking, are they finally changing?

(07:57)
Try asking, does this match their long-term pattern?

(08:03)
Because narcissists often become the nicest version of themselves right when they feel they're losing you. Not because they've transformed, right? That's not why, but because they want the connection and the control back. They want that cycle back. So if the narcissist in your life suddenly becomes nice when you start to pull away, or even if you're co-parenting, right? And you'll probably go through this. And this is what really mind F's everybody in these situations because you'll be like, "But he was so nice. Wait." And then now he's acting whatever again. And it's like you can even forget sometimes in the midst of their niceness, just how awful they've been because you're swooped up in their niceness. So this can happen whether you are currently with someone or if you are having to deal with someone like an ex that you're co-parenting with, or maybe your parent that you are maybe a little distanced with, but you have to deal with them and you're confused because you're like, "Well, they're nice to me the last couple weeks." And then next week you don't know what's going to happen.

(09:21)
But secret is you do know. If there's all these narcissistic traits, and you can go through my episodes to find those episodes, I'll try to remember to link one of them, the traits of narcissism. You can figure out what and who they are and look for the patterns. So if they're nice to you when you start pulling away, when you start creating boundaries, when you're like, "I'm not doing this anymore," pause, breathe, breathe, do that halo breath in through the nose, out through the mouth and remember kindness during hoovering is often part of the cycle, right? Not the end of it, it's part of the cycle. It never ends at kindness. It never ends at love bombing. A cycle never ends.

(10:19)
The worst case scenario cycle is it ends when you have got the real short end of the stick in many ways, right? We don't want you getting there. We don't want you to get to that point. We want you to get out of this cycle, right? So your job is not to decode them, not to figure out, have they changed? You've seen the patterns. You know what's coming next. This is a cycle. It's a cycle. Cycles doesn't have an end, right? Your job isn't to figure that out. We figured it out for you. You're in a cycle and your job is to protect your peace, however you can do that. I know it's very hard if you are in a co-parenting situation, but there are ways to do that. Obviously, I would say right now, 90, 95% of my clients are co-parents, maybe a little less right now.

(11:31)
It goes up and down, but generally, it's usually at least 80% of my clients, right? Our co-parents in crazy situations, and we are able to, one, navigate them.

(11:44)
I help with that. And then two, help your nervous system. So no matter what situation you're in, the beauty of the somatic healing we do, that's the body, healing through the body, no matter what you're going through, we can help heal your body in any situation. So that's the beauty of this work, right? We can help you navigate. We can't control other people. We can't control what they say or do, but you can control and start to alter through healing, through the body healing, be able to start at a higher vibe, essentially, and be able to deal with more and navigate easier and start to know yourself, trust yourself, and be built strong like a bull with a queen's crown on, so that you can find more peace. Your job is to protect your peace. Your job is not to control them or to change them or to figure them out.

(12:48)
Your job is to protect yourself and your children, if that's the case.

(12:57)
So if you're dealing with any sort of narcissistic or toxic situation right now, and you want to have a one-on-one customized session with me, I will link my information in the show notes. It should be in the little description box. There's always my links to work with me, and you can email me with any questions. I read every single email, and just know that you're not alone. There's a Facebook community just waiting for you to join, and it's private. So I will link that in the show notes as well. So check out all the things in the show notes, and don't forget to follow, because this is a long term journey, right? Narcissistic abuse, and it ain't easy going through it. So in solidarity, be with your people, be with us, come listen to these. Thursdays are my shorter somatic healing little methods, tips, and tricks, and tools, little bite-size episodes that you can save for when you're having a moment, when you're spiraling, when you're questioning yourself.

(14:08)
So those are on Thursdays. So make sure you do follow my podcast so you get notifications, so you'd know when I'm like, "Hey girl, hey, it's time." Yes, Queen, it's time. So Tuesdays and Thursdays, and yes, if you have any questions at all, feel free to email me at fiercemamase@gmail. It's also in the description, and I hope you are having a beautiful day. Don't let the narcs keep you down. All right, shine your crown. I'll see you in the next one. Bye.

How to Handle Narcissist Texts in Minutes Without Losing Your Peace

Thu, 05 Mar 2026 06:00:00 -0500

Narcissists love sending ‘urgent’ texts to hijack your peace. In this episode, Christy explains why they do it and how to shut it down fast—so you can stay calm, confident, and in control

📥 Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide
Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?
Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.
✨ Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250

🛠️ Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?
Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.
Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:

✅ Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake Session
💻 Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

✅ 1-Month Private Coaching Container
💻 Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

✅ 3-Month Transformational Coaching Package
💻 Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

🔗 Related Episodes You’ll Love:

🎧 Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Help
👉 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120

🎧 Thrive in 5: Still Energetically Tied to the Narcissist? Cut the Cord With This Quick Practice
👉 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155

✨ Follow Christy on Instagram →
https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. All right, queen, let's talk about that moment. Your phone dings and suddenly your peace is gone. It's the narcissist and the message is urgent. Or at least they say it is. Maybe it's call me now or it's an emergency, or it's important answer or even as low as the kids need. You sound familiar? Well, here's what you need to know. Those out of nowhere or urgent type texts are rarely about real emergencies. They're about control. A narcs favorite word. Alright? So a narcissist wants you to yank out of your calm, especially if you're doing well, you're moving on. Ooh, that irks them, right? They want to spike your anxiety and test if they still have access to you, if you're still going to take the bait, if you're still going to respond.

(01:22)
I always say, don't take the bait, keep it very simple. Gray rock method. We talked about that on Tuesday's episode, speaking of which, this episode is related to Tuesday's episode, which was all about these texts, and today is just a quick tool to handle them, basically handling those fake emergency texts. So step one, pause. Do not reply instantly. And we mentioned this in Tuesdays, but that's a quick note, right? Just pause. The pause puts you back in the driver's seat. So when you feel like stressed out, when you read it, take a breath and pause. Two, check the facts. Is it truly urgent? If it's not about your kid's safety or something, life or death, it can wait. Step three, respond and don't react. Keep it short, neutral and business-like that. Gray rock method. So an example, and I go over this all more in depth than Tuesday's episode if you didn't listen, so that will be in the show notes.

(02:37)
Example is noted. I'll handle it when I'm able to, period. Okay? No overexplaining anything. No getting emotional. Keep it to the basics. To the facts. Okay? So the next time your phone lights up with a fake emergency from your least favorite narc, remember, you are not at their beck and call, okay? Your piece is what's important. Your piece is what's urgent, and you decide when and how you engage. Girl, you got your damn power back, right? That's what we're doing here. Shining our crowns, getting our power right? So if you want more scripts or strategies, how to navigate all this stuff, grab my free Boundaries pocket guide as a start, and then if you want to work one-on-one and do customize scripts, customize strategies, that's where the real transformations happen. I always have the ways to work with me one-on-one in my show notes, so check it out.

(03:46)
And you can also join my free Facebook community with other ladies like you. I drop some truth bombs out there and I always put the podcast episodes. Sometimes I'll do some videos. So definitely go join that community. What else? I guess that's it. That's it. It's pretty, this might be my shortest episode ever. How crazy. Wow. Under four minutes. All right, give me a high five through the screen. Give yourself a little queen hug and I'll see you in the next episode. Don't forget to follow this podcast too, and help me help more people. Love.

The Letter I’ll Never Send

Tue, 03 Mar 2026 06:00:00 -0500

In this episode, I read the letter I’ll never send — and share what it taught me about self-trust after narcissistic abuse. If you’ve ever felt paralyzed in conversations, questioned your own reactions, or normalized what your body knew wasn’t safe, this one is for you.Your Next Step in Healing

If this episode hit close to home, you may be in the stage where understanding isn’t the problem anymore — your nervous system just needs support integrating safety and clarity.

✨ Calm & Clarity Reset Call
A focused, private session designed to help you regulate, gain perspective, and leave with clear next steps when emotions feel overwhelming or confusing.

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/

3-Month Deep-Dive Container
Focused support to break trauma bonds, rebuild self-trust, and create emotional stability after narcissistic abuse.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Queens of Peace Program
For women ready for deeper identity rebuilding, boundary mastery, and long-term nervous system healing.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Queens of Peace Mastery
High-level mentorship and integration for lasting transformation and full life reclamation.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources

Free Boundaries Pocket Guide
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free Private Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Have you ever felt paralyzed in a conversation like no matter what you said, it was going to be wrong? Like your body was braced even when things were quote fine. Today's episode is different. I'm going to read something I've never read before. And if you've ever loved someone who slowly made you smaller, this is for you. Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen, this one's for you. Okay. So this episode is going to be a little different. I'm not teaching first, I'm going to read something and it's not about one specific person exactly. It's about a pattern. And if you see yourself in it, I want you to listen all the way through. All right? Here we go. Dear narcissist. I didn't see you at first and that's the part that still gets me.

(01:12)
I didn't see anything that felt overly dangerous. I saw intensity. I saw big emotions. I saw someone who reacted strongly and I told myself that just meant you cared deeply. You told me that meant you cared deeply. I thought the chaos meant passion. I thought the tension meant connection. I thought if I could just communicate better, it will calm down.

(01:48)
What I didn't see was how I was changing. I started feeling paralyzed in conversations and I mean any conversation, not just fights or conflicts. I would rehearse what I was going to say in my head before saying it out loud because somehow I already knew it would be wrong. No matter what I said, it would get twisted. And eventually I stopped trusting my own reactions. I started questioning whether I was even justified in feeling like you were overreacting. Maybe I was too sensitive, like you said. Maybe I did misunderstand like you said. Did I even provoke it?

(02:40)
All things you conditioned me to believe. So instead of holding my ground, I backed off or I overexplained. I took responsibility for things I did not do. I avoided topics that might set you off. Fixing it, fixing us became my role and keeping the peace became my job. And my body was keeping score the whole time. My tight chest, my tight jaw, the constant exhaustion, pure exhaustion, feeling drained all the time. This low grade brace in my nervous system that really never went away, even when I white knuckled through. Even when things were quote fine, especially when things were fine. And to the outside world, to people who maybe got glimpses, "I protected you. I joked about it. I minimized it for myself and for them.

(04:02)
I made it sound dramatic, but normal. I didn't want people to see what I wasn't fully admitting to myself, that this was not just conflict. It was dangerous unpredictability. And that unpredictability, that constant unpredictability does something not just to your mind, but your body. There were moments that did cross lines. Moments my body knew were not safe. And instead of leaving, I normalized them. That's the part that is sometimes hardest to say out loud, that the shame and the guilt, that's where those come from. I normalized what my nervous system was screaming about. And the moment I couldn't unsee it, it wasn't dramatic. It was clarity.

(05:12)
It was realizing that this was not just emotional intensity. It was escalation. That my health mattered, that my peace mattered, that my safety actually mattered. And that protecting you was costing me myself. I didn't cut you out because I hated you. I cut you out because I finally loved myself more than I feared the fallout. I couldn't do it anymore. And once I saw it clearly, I couldn't go back to pretending it was just complicated. You were turmoil. You were chaos, but I am not. And now I don't live braced anymore. I don't twist myself to survive conversations. I don't minimize volatility to keep anyone's peace. And I don't and will not protect people who harm me emotionally or physically.

(06:48)
You don't get to live inside my brain anymore. You don't get to control me. You don't get to control my thoughts. You don't get to control my actions. You have lost that control and I have gained it. And that is freedom. So let me step out of the letter for a minute because if you resonated with that, I want you to understand something. This isn't just my story. That's why I saved some of the specific details. It's a pattern I see in so many women healing from narcissistic abuse. And here's what I want you to hear. If you feel paralyzed in conversations, that is information. Healthy relationships don't make you rehearse basic sentences. If you feel like no matter what you say, it's going to be wrong. That isn't a communication issue. It's a power imbalance.

(08:00)
If you constantly question whether you're justified in your feelings, that's conditioning. And when your words get twisted enough times, you stop trusting your own perception. You start thinking, "Maybe I am too sensitive. Maybe I am overreacting." That self-doubt did not appear out of nowhere. It was trained into you. And your body? Your body's not dramatic. It's a tool we have, right? It's a tool. You get the tight chest, you get the clenched jaw, the exhaustion that I talked about. After simple conversations, daily conversations, repeated daily, weekly conversations that are usually conflict. Your nervous system doesn't lie. So if your body feels unsafe, even if you can't logically prove why, that matters.

(09:05)
And protecting someone who harms you is not loyalty, it's survival. Many of us were taught to smooth things over, minimize, joke about it, protect the other person's image. But the day you stop protecting someone who is hurting you is the day you start protecting yourself. And that's where the healing actually begins. Clarity can feel like grief at first. Once you see it, you can't unsee it, right? But it is also freedom. And if you're in the stage right now where you're starting to see patterns clearly and you feel that mix of grief and strength, it can really be confusing. You don't have to navigate it alone. That is exactly the kind of work that we do inside my Calm and Clarity Reset call. This is my new offer I've been talking about last episode or two. It's just one focused hour to untangle what's happening, regulate your nervous system and get clear on your next step.

(10:27)
It's a soft place to start because you deserve peace that doesn't require survival skills. And it starts with regaining trust in yourself again, which can feel far right now. I get it. I've been there, right? But it is possible. I work with tons of women who start where you are and have amazing transformations. If you want to just jump feet first in, I have three, six, and 12 month programs as well. Or if you want to just take a little nibble and do that calm and clarity reset call, it's a great place to start. Okay? So I hope this helps in some way, maybe just a solidarity, maybe clarity in your own journey.

(11:32)
And maybe it's the push to say, "I want to get unstuck and I deserve more." So if you have any questions too, you can always email me my email and all the links to my programs or working with me one-on-one and a boundaries course. I have all sorts of goodies in my description notes. And the show notes of the podcast should be on the episode descriptions themselves and the main page. And don't forget to follow because this is a long game. It's not as long as you think. I will say that. It's hard to explain, but this healing journey can be quicker than you think, but it's not overnight. We have to be realistic here. We have to go through the process. But one-on-one, my clients will tell you we can have some tears, but we can have some laughs and some good times. And we get great sessions that are mind blowing, really mind-blowing work.

(12:38)
Somatic healing is amazing. If you don't know what it is, it is healing through the body. So we do coaching, narcissistic recovery coaching. Obviously we're doing that kind of talk therapy, et cetera. And then we do these beautiful methods of somatic healing, which is healing through the body because the body often is a little step behind of the brain. You might think something, but your body's still stuck. So we get unstuck in magical ways. Yes. I'm not talking fairy magical. Just to me, it's God magic. I'm a big man upstairs follower. So if you're on that journey too, that is helpful and we can always implement that into it as well. Sometimes we pray. If you are a God person, if you're not, we don't. If you are and we get on that topic, we can infuse a little bit of that Holy Spirit activation in there.

(13:38)
See, there you go. There's the magic. Holy Spirit magic. That'll be my next course. All right. Well, thank you for listening. Thank you for letting me share. I may share more details of my own experience on this podcast, but right now this moment is really for you and this is for just knowing that you're not alone and that there are these patterns and that you do deserve to feel better and to heal better. All right. Don't forget on Thursday, I have Thrive in Five, so we will do a little quicker episode, somatic healing episode or little quick TED Talk or something, whatever comes out of my body. And those are on Thursday. So again, don't forget to follow. And there is a Facebook group. Please join that with women, like- minded women like you. It's a private group, so you don't have to worry about bots and spammers in there, peeping on our stuff.

(14:42)
And yeah, I'm just so excited for you that you landed on my podcast. So welcome if you're new and if you are an oldie book Goodie, thank you for supporting and sticking around and hanging out. And always feel free again to email me with just a hello or any questions or if you want to suggest a topic. All right. Look for all the information in the show notes and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.

Still Missing The Narcissist Today? Do This Instead

Thu, 26 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0500

Still Missing Them Today? Do This Instead (Thrive in 5)

You thought once you left, the missing would stop. But instead, certain moments still hit — a memory, a song, a quiet night — and suddenly you question yourself again.

In this Thrive in 5 episode, Christy Jade explains why missing a narcissistic partner does not mean you made the wrong decision. What you’re actually grieving isn’t the person — it’s the version of you that existed inside the trauma bond and the future you believed was coming.

You’ll learn how to reinterpret that feeling in real time and use it as a signal to reconnect with yourself instead of looking backward.

If you’ve been caught in obsessive thoughts, emotional pullbacks, or sudden waves of longing after leaving, this episode gives you a grounded, nervous-system-safe way to move through it.

Your Next Step in Healing

✨ Calm & Clarity Reset Call
A focused, private session designed to help you regulate, gain perspective, and leave with clear next steps when emotions feel overwhelming or confusing.

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/

6-Month Queens of Peace Program
For women ready for deeper identity rebuilding, boundary mastery, and long-term nervous system healing.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free Private Community
00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello queens. If you caught yourself missing them again today or yesterday, hopefully not both. This episode is going to change how you interpret that feeling in the next five minutes. Alright, so quick reset moment. If you listen to my last episode from Tuesday, we talked about how you're not actually missing the narcissist, you're missing something a little deeper. So today I want to give you one powerful practice to use in the exact moment that missing feeling hits, because here is what happens. Your brain labels the feeling as I miss them, but your nervous system is actually saying, I miss familiarity. I miss certainty. I miss who I thought I was becoming. So instead of reaching for the memories, try this pause and ask yourself, what version of me feels far away right now? Not them you.

(01:30)
Maybe it's the hopeful person. Maybe it's the secure version. You remember the woman who felt chosen, the woman who believed life was about to open up there was more coming. That is who your system is grieving. I just had a conversation with a client yesterday about this. You're grieving and here's the reframe that changes everything. Okay? You didn't lose her. Okay? She's not gone. That queen is still in there. She just hasn't fully met the safer environment yet. So when the missing shows up today, don't interpret it as a sign to look backward. Interpret it as a signal to reconnect inward.

(02:35)
A lot of times we look back at these memories and the what ifs and why did I do that? This living in our head, spinning in circles, replaying, wondering, confused all the feelings and the thoughts are exploding in our minds at once. It's time to go inward right into the heart and then take one small action that supports your stability. You need stability right now. We're missing stability, right? So text somebody that you feel safe with, okay? Nobody that has any relation to this person that you don't feel safe with that connection there. Okay? So let's not text their sister today A safe friend. Maybe it's your sibling, maybe it's a coworker that you're very close with. You can go outside, right? Stability. Physically. You can get stability from grounding. There's grounding techniques you can do or just walking. There's something about grounding your body, right?

(03:59)
Regulate your body in some way. Exercise even. I mean, like I said, walking, but even just something simple. Dancing, right? Putting on some fun tunes, shaking a tail feather. Maybe two, do they have two? Tail feather? We're getting weird now. Let's keep going. But regulating your body in some way, moving your body very beneficial and reminding yourself, I'm not going back. I'm coming back to myself. The authentic self. I refer to this as that solid gold block we're all born with and no matter who we are, narcissistic abuse or not, a lot of shit kind of covers up that solid gold block. That's the authentic us. That's in a way our higher self, our highest self that we can be and not trying to be like, oh, let's achieve this. I'm not in that way. It is our unique golden, beautiful self that we desire to feel like that loves ourself, that feels confident, that feels secure, feels safe, all of those things.

(05:23)
And you're coming back to that. And healing isn't about forgetting them. It's not about them. I want to reiterate that it's not about forgetting them, it's about remembering you and who you truly are. And you may I get it. I can hear you from here. Some of you saying, I don't even know who that is. I don't remember who she is. That's where I come in. Or your therapist comes in. You can do work on your own. There's a lot of different methodologies that you can use. Somatic healing is amazing. If you didn't, here, I have a couple of spots open. Now I'm going to start opening these for two people every month I'm going to do one-off sessions. Usually I don't do one-off sessions really anymore unless someone pops up from an old episode where I did offer them, or now, right now I am offering some really special one-off sessions.

(06:42)
They're my clarity and calm sessions. If you need a nervous system, wind down, kind of feel like you even just need a next step. Maybe it's the next step in. How do I even try to figure out who I am? What does that even look like? If you find yourself saying, what does that look like? That's where we can work together and we have one session zoom call. We'll do a little coaching, maybe a little somatic healing in that body and get you ready for that next step and then that if you want to, you can continue with me into one of my programs that are three, six, or 12 months. And those are deep transformative programs. But even just that one session will give you some clarity and some calm. That's why I call it that because I'm a basic B, because I know some people, maybe you don't have it in you to commit. Maybe you don't have the finances to commit. That's okay. Just getting a little clarity can go a long way and help you feel better right now and know what direction to head in. So if you're interested in that at any of my programs, including the calm, clarity and calm call, say that five times fast. That is always in my show notes. Any of my offers are in there. I have a boundaries course. That's amazing. Really good.

(08:22)
Well, it drips every week and then you have it for the rest of your life. You can look at my face for the rest of your life. Yes, it's videos. So that's 10 videos. It's really good stuff. I'm very biased and I have a couple freebies too. I have a little boundaries pocket guide. It's adorable and fun and I don't know, I don't remember what's listed as far as the freebies. And there's the Facebook community, which is, it's getting more engagement in there. So join now while people are talking to each other because you guys leaning on each other. First of all, it makes me so happy to peep in there and be like, oh, they're talking to each other and encouraging each other and going like, girl, me too. I love that. We need that when we're in the situation. So look for that support.

(09:12)
It's a private group, so not going to have any creep opioids in there. Everyone, you got to answer questions too. So yes, you do have to answer questions and give me your email so I know you're a real human. And so it is a women's only Facebook group. It's private, and you get to chat with other women that have gone through or are going through what you are, right? It's always nice to have that support. So definitely look in the show notes for all the information. You can email me too if you have any questions about my programs. My email is in there as well. And yeah, that's about it. It's nine 15. Here it is, nine 15. You know what? I'm a tired little lady. I don't know why I love recording my podcasts at night. Sometimes I've time during the day and I'm like, Hmm, I'll do it tonight.

(10:09)
I'm very much a night owl. Do I have any night owls out there? Is that trauma? Do we have trauma night owl syndrome? No. That, I swear it runs in my family. My mom is a super night owl. She now naps during the day, but she's always been a night owl. I will say while she was single parenting us, sometimes she'd pass out on the couch though after dinner because that woman did a lot. Shout out to the single moms of the world. You are super, super people, super moms. And then my grandma was very much a night owl. I remember in my twenties, this is when I don't know how, I know my audience ranges in age. So this is going to age us older women here. But when the Kylie Jenners, not Kylie, what was the other one? What's the, oh my gosh, I can't even remember now.

(11:11)
Kylie is so big. I can't even, she's overshadowing her sister. But all the Kardashians, yes, whatever K word, Kardashian. The Kardashians show I think had just started or something. But I remember being up with my grandma. I live outside of DC and I would go up to New York to visit my grandma at Christmas time. I'd stay there a little extra. My mom would come home here and sometimes I'd stay. So I was staying with my grandma and she loved tea and s m's, coffee cake and rest in peace. My grandma passed in 2020. I just adored her. So we would sit up every night so late. I loved it. Let me have caffeinated tea in the middle of the night. Well, I was having an monds caffeinated tea. No wonder she was a night owl. And we would stay up till like three. I remember once it was four in the morning and I was like, my grandma's such a badass.

(12:15)
And we were watching this, I think it was the Kardashians, and I feel like Donna Versace was on it. She didn't know who the Kardashians are. She's like, what is this shit? And then she's like, is that Donatella? She knew her. I don't know. Crazy weird memories just popping through my head and I'm sharing it with you. I feel like I need to connect with you guys more on a more real level too. I'm always just so excited and I don't want to make my episodes too long, so I try to just keep it very focused, but I feel like I'm not very focused, and I want you to see that A, and also share a little bit about me so you can get a little more familiar with who I am. And then I would love to know more about you pop in. I have people say hi in my emails.

(13:05)
Say hello, introduce yourself. I get emails sometimes that make me so happy that are just people saying, Hey, I binged your podcast episodes and they've helped me so much, X, Y, Z, and tell me their stories. And I love that stuff, you guys. So if you just ever want to share, I appreciate it so much because it helps me know that I'm truly impacting and helping people, which is obviously my purpose here. And it's just so cool to get to know all of you. Sometimes we'll have a couple back and forth emails. So I read every single email. That might not be the case forever as I get more and more and my numbers grow, which is very exciting and I love that. But that does mean eventually I won't be able to keep up with the volume. But right now I can and I love it.

(14:02)
So yeah, I guess that's it. I'm really excited for spring to come. I am a warm weather person, so I'm really, really excited for that. DC has been way colder than usual. It's been a snowy ass cold winter, which I mean that should be, but I'm not here for it. So I'm so excited. It's going to be 60 whole degrees later this week, and you would think that means it's like 80. I'm like, oh my God, it's the best. So excited. I'm going to cry outside and just dance naked. That'd be weird. Neighbors might not like it. So I guess it, I'll end on that cutesy note, right? And you guys take these words today, right? Remember, first of all, everything's going to be okay. I know it. Don't feel that way. Can I just put that out there? Just hear me. Everything's going to be okay.

(14:57)
It might take time. You might need to do a little work, but you're a capable queen, so of course you're going to be able to do that, okay? And you're not going back. You're coming back to your self, that solid gold piece of hunk, of chunk of burning love gold inside your body. We're just dusting off all the crap that I think I forgot to finish the sentence back earlier, now that I think of it. When I was saying we have this solid gold block, I side tangent, but I always view it as society. Other people, no matter what abuse or not, we get all this stuff that just covers up and causes us insecurities, or especially with social media, there's so much and they become a little different version of ourselves. So we're trying to get back to that solid gold, authentic block of gorgeousness that deserves the world and deserves to feel confident and good about yourself and deserves love and to feel worthy. So I want you to say, repeat after me if you so dare. I am worthy.

(16:11)
I am loved. I'm a queen. Yeah, you are. You look good in that gold crown. Girl. You look so good. All right. I'm going to stop being creepy myself over here and don't forget to follow. So you get all my episodes. I mean, how much more fun is life with my podcast, huh? It's fun, right guys? I mean, not fun stuff we have to deal with, but I try to make it as fun as I can for you and I do. Honestly, joking aside, please reach out if you just want to share your story or have a question. Okay? I will see you in the next episode. Have a fabulous rest of your week. Bye.

You’re Not Missing the Narcissist You’re Missing This (And It Changes Everything)

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0500

If you’ve left a narcissistic or emotionally abusive relationship but still find yourself thinking about them, questioning your progress, or feeling pulled backward emotionally — this episode will bring powerful clarity.

You’re not actually missing the narcissist. In this episode, Christy explains why calm can feel uncomfortable after narcissistic abuse, how trauma bonding conditions the brain and body, and what’s really happening when memories or longing resurface.

This conversation will help you release shame, understand your healing process, and begin retraining your body to feel safe in peace again.

Your Next Step in Healing

If this episode hit close to home, you may be in the stage where understanding isn’t the problem anymore — your nervous system just needs support integrating safety and clarity.

✨ Calm & Clarity Reset Call
A focused, private session designed to help you regulate, gain perspective, and leave with clear next steps when emotions feel overwhelming or confusing.

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/

6-Month Queens of Peace Program
For women ready for deeper identity rebuilding, boundary mastery, and long-term nervous system healing.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free Private Community
00:00):

Hello Queens. Have you ever caught yourself thinking about them and then immediately getting mad at yourself afterwards? Why am I still thinking about this person I left? I know who they are, I know what they did. So why does part of me still feel pulled back today? I want to gently flip something upside down for you because you're not actually missing the narcissist, you're missing something else. And once you understand this, a lot of shame is going to go, we don't like shame in this room. No we don't. Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a breath Queen. This one's for you.

(00:53)
Alright, so welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. I'm Christie, as many of you know, if not welcome, thanks for showing up. And if you're here today, I already know something about you. You're not where you used to be, right? You've learned, you've woken up, maybe you left. Maybe you're emotionally detaching, maybe and trying to stay grounded, but there's still this confusing moment that happens sometimes, right? You're doing better and out of nowhere a memory hits or you wonder what they're doing. Or your body feels heavy, chest tight, maybe you feel a little nostalgia, right? And then the second wave after that is guilt or shame around that. What is wrong with me? Why do I still miss them? This doesn't make sense. So what we're going to talk about today is what's actually happening because this moment right here is one of the most misunderstood parts of healing.

(02:00)
Alright? So here's the truth. Most people never explain. You're not missing the narcissist. I repeat. You are not missing the narcissist. Isn't that? That's like a relief, but you're not so sure yet are you are missing what your nervous system learned to expect while you were surviving them. They're two very, very different things. So when you were in that relationship, your brain and your body, that's the somatic healing we talk about. Adapted. In order to keep you safe, you learn to scan their moods. Remember that Not so fun. You learn to anticipate their reactions. You learned how to fix any fixers out there? Yeah, I see you, I see all of you. You learn to soften to manage them if you know and to do whatever you could to prevent the explosions before they happened. So your body was constantly on alert. So here's the part that surprises people.

(03:10)
That constant emotional intensity created chemistry. So high stress, that high, high, high chaos followed by relief. The conflict followed by moments of calm or reflection, maybe even got fake apologies or flowers or just calm. It could have just been calm where it wasn't chaos. And that's good enough for us, not really, or fear followed by reassurance. So that cycle releases powerful, neurochemicals, adrenaline, cortisol. You've probably heard all the things about cortisol, dopamine probably heard that. These are like buzzwords nowadays, right? But they're real. And that cycle releases them. It's like the storm before the calm. So even though it was painful, it became very familiar. I would almost call it comfortable because it was so familiar. And the nervous system loves familiarity more than it loves happiness. Do you know that? I'm going to repeat that one again. Your nervous system actually loves familiarity more than happiness.

(04:31)
Okay? Your nervous system chooses familiar before it chooses peace. We're going to break that cycle though. We're going to break it. We don't like that. We want peace. Who wants peace? Can I get an amen? Yes. Okay, good. So when you actually leave or when you detach emotionally, something strange happens. Life gets quieter and logically that's good. You're like, yeah, this is what's supposed to happen. But your body is going, wait, why is it so calm here? Are we actually safe? I don't feel safe because calm used to mean something bad was about to happen. Let that one sink in. Calm used to mean something bad was about to happen. Calm before the storm. Silence used to mean tension was building. You knew when it was silent. It's like when there's a toddler and it's way too quiet. And then you go in the room and it's like there's marker all over the wall and glue on the seat, right?

(05:39)
Silence with a arc. When the intention was building, there's a cycle. There is the abuse cycle. And during that cycle, what happens before it's the calm, before the storm there's love bombing or there's convincing you everything's fine. Maybe there's some quiet and then maybe boom. So peace to you feels unfamiliar. And unfamiliar can feel very unsafe in our bodies. So your brain tries to solve that discomfort. The only way it knows how, it brings your attention back to the person connected to that old pattern. And that's not because you want them and miss them in the way you're thinking. That's why you're missing is confusing because it's not how you actually miss maybe someone you have in your life that is a healthy connection. Your body is trying to return to what it recognizes. That's all what it's been conditioned, right? What confusingly felt familiar slash safe, but not safe in the sense of the word as we really know it and want it to be.

(06:51)
So this is where so many women judge themselves, they think missing thoughts mean they made the wrong decision. They think healing should feel like just instant freedom. But what's actually happening is it's a detox. You are detoxing from survival mode. You're teaching a nervous system that learned chaos, how to live in peace. It takes time. This is not a little switch flip, so let's reframe it a little bit. You're not craving the relationship in the way that a normal relationship would be craved or if you break up and there were lots of great qualities and this and that, and you miss the person. This is different. You're grieving the familiarity. You're releasing a role that you had to play for a long time. This was part of your identity, right? The fixer, the peacemaker, the emotional manager. You were busy girl, you were really busy and oh, I do want to say, and boy and man, I have found out I have more men followers than I thought I did.

(08:09)
So shout out to all of you too. And it sucks just as much for you guys and you can be my kings, okay? But when that role disappears, king or queen, there is space. A space can feel really uncomfortable before it feels freeing. Okay? And that doesn't mean you're going backward. I just had this conversation with one of my clients actually, it doesn't mean you're going backward, it means your healing is actually working. Okay? So that's the good news. That is the good news. That discomfort just means you're recalibrating. So here's something you can do the next time, a memory or longing hits. Instead of asking why do I miss them? Pause and ask, what does my body need right now? And then orient yourself. Do you guys know Orient yet? If you've been a long time follower, you probably do. If not, you are about to learn a little tool that elementary kids can learn. My daughter does it herself. It's a great, great way to calm your nervous system and it's easy and it's fast and it's fabulous. Okay, look around the room slowly. Name three things you can see. I love to do examples. So what's in my home? The gnome in the corner, of course I have a gnome, the basket with my dog's leash in it and my smart water to make me smart.

(09:46)
So you name three things. Feel your feet on the ground. If they're not on the ground, put 'em on the ground. Or I kindly ask you to place your feet on the ground if it's comfortable for you. Lexie, I'm being gentle. Alright? And then let your shoulders drop just a little. So we're looking around, we're grounding ourselves with our feet, letting our shoulders drop and just taking a nice inhale through the nose and out the mouth. My favorite halo breath, it's called, you're teaching your nervous system a new message. I am safe without chaos. And every time you do this, you weaken that old attachment. Not through force, but real safety, not the fake safety that it has with that narc. Okay, that was fake news, safety. So if this episode hit you today, I want you to know something very important. This stage, this confusing middle ground is where the real healing happens.

(10:55)
Not when you realize the truth, not when you first leave, which we would love it to be that way, believe me. But when your body starts learning, that peace is allowed. Now it's huge and it's also a stage we're where support can make a very, very big difference because understanding is powerful, but regulation is what creates that lasting change. So I actually am offering new one-off sessions. I'm only doing a couple this month. I'm going to do a couple every month just for those of you who need quick support are not looking for ongoing and really want to just get the next step and a somatic tool to go a little to go package. Let's talk about it that way. A little to go package something that we will have an hour long zoom call one-on-one with yours truly. And I will hear you out for a few minutes.

(12:00)
See what we're working with. We'll do a little somatic exercise depending on what it is, and a little coaching with a next step and knowing what you need to do next. So if ongoing support is not what you're looking for or can afford right now, this might be a good solution for you to just feel a little better, get a little settled. This my clarity and calm sessions, my resets. So that link along with my ongoing support will all be in the show notes. And if you want to email me, ask me any questions, my email is in there as well. And until next time, remember, you're not broken, you're not weak, okay? You're not missing them. No ma'am. You're learning how to feel safe before being yourself again, basically, until it all comes together. And it takes a minute. So don't forget to follow wherever you are on the podcast, whatever podcast platform.

(13:10)
Follow me. Say you don't miss my episodes. I have two a week. Tuesdays and Thursdays and Thursdays are my thrive in fives, I call 'em. And they are just a little somatic fun. Five to 10 minutes, little bits that you can save for moments where you're feeling a little want, want not at peace, which we all have. They're useful really to anybody. And what else? Oh, you can join my Facebook group for Queens just like you, just you going through what you're going through. So join that group and that is also in the show notes, the link to sign up for that. It's private. So don't worry about that. Don't worry about all the narcs coming in and spying on us, okay? They can't get in. It's a narc free zone. Alright, you guys have a great rest of your week until Thursday, because come back Thursday for some more goodies and yeah, love you. Bye.

Contact: fiercemamac@gmail.com

The 30-Second Shift That Stops Narcissist Triggers Fast

Thu, 19 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0500

You can understand narcissistic abuse intellectually and still feel your body react instantly when they reach out. That doesn’t mean you’re stuck — it means your nervous system hasn’t learned safety yet.

In this Thrive in 5, Christy shares a simple, powerful reset you can use in real time when you feel triggered, flooded, or pulled back into old emotional patterns. This short practice helps interrupt the automatic reaction cycle and teaches your body that you don’t have to perform, explain, or fix anything to stay safe.

If you’ve been looking for a small but powerful shift to help your healing actually stick, this episode gives you one you can start using today.

Your Next Step in Healing

If you’re ready to move beyond awareness and start creating real emotional freedom, deeper support can help you practice these shifts in real life — not just understand them.

Work With Me — Coaching Containers

3-Month Transformational Coaching (Deep Reset & Momentum)
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Queens of Peace Program (Deep Pattern Healing & Rebuild)
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Queens of Peace Program (Full Identity & Life Transformation)
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Get My Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
Scripts that help you shut down manipulation, stop JADE-ing, and communicate with confidence.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/

Grab the Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free!)
Your quick-start guide to setting boundaries without guilt.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join the Facebook Community
Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text, you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen, this one's for you. Have you ever walked away from an interaction thinking, I stayed calm. I didn't take the bait. As Christie Jade always says, so why do I still feel shaken? Like your body's buzzing. Your mind won't stop replaying it, and somehow they're still in your head. Maybe hours later today I want to talk about why that happens, because it's not a lack of healing. So a lot of women think if I were really healed, I wouldn't react anymore. But healing from narcissistic abuse specifically doesn't start in your thoughts. It starts in your nervous system, all the fun. So your nervous system learned survival long before you learned boundaries, right? That's why you ended up having to learn about boundaries and hopefully setting some at this point, but maybe still not quite knowing how or knowing how to stick to them or handle backlash from them, all of that, right?

(01:25)
But here's what's really happening. So when you were in that dynamic with the narcissist, you body was trained to stay on alert. Unpredictability teaches your brain what? Stay ready, fix it fast, prevent the explosion. We know all about that escalation. So now, even when you may logically understand what they're doing, logically, I say that because, and let's be honest, even logically it doesn't always make sense, but logically, you can kind of explain it away. Your body still reads them as a threat. So that reaction you feel, it's not emotional weakness, it's conditioning. It's what you have been conditioned to feel by the entire situation. So this is why you can prepare the perfect response. Tell yourself, I'm not going to engage. And then one text comes in, and suddenly you have that sinking heart feeling, right? I know you know that feeling right? That heart drops, and it's not even exactly like, oh, you care what they think. Maybe anymore, maybe you used to. But even if you've stretched away from that feeling, it's because your body remembers what used to happen next.

(03:01)
Let that sink in. Your body remembers what used to happen next when you were closer with them, when you were living with them. And I know some of you may be listening that you're still in the situation. Most of my followers, most of my clients are away from the situation, or they may not live with the person if it's someone in their family, like a parent. But you could look at that. If it's a parent, right? When you live with them as a child, you're now still your body, still remembering what used to happen after you. Whatever way you weren't good enough or didn't do it right, or didn't do exactly what they wanted, how they wanted, even though it wasn't reasonable. Same thing if you were in a romantic situation with someone living with them. Same thing where your body is remembering what used to happen next.

(04:02)
So here's the shift. I would love you to try this week. Stop trying to win the interaction. We often can go to the other side of the pendulum. We feel like we've lost for so long that we just want to get these wins. What you need to do is start, which is a win, but it doesn't feel as satisfactory as a full win. But I'm going to tell you in the end what wins is peace. So start regulating yourself instead. You're not going to win as far as getting them to say what you want or do what you want, especially all the time, right? Occasionally, if they're desperate for something, they might give you a little carrot. But talking about for true healing, you have to stop trying to control them and trying to control the situation. Because really what you need to do is control yourself. Regulate yourself instead. So when you feel that surge, that heart, drop that spiraling out in the brain, any of that pause, and then put your feet on the ground. Take one slow breath. I love my halo breath. So in through the nose and out through the mouth. So you're inhaling. Two seconds, exhaling three to four seconds. Always exhaling a little more than you're inhaling. Please don't turn blue and pass out on me. Okay? If you need to just do two and two, that's fine.

(05:47)
We want this to be a calmer, not a passer outer. So you take in one exhale, one many seconds that looks to you, that's comfortable, and let your shoulders drop. Let your jaw loosen. So in those moments, and this takes a little training, you don't get it right the first time. That's fine. Look, we're all still growing. We're all still learning this. This is not an overnight shift, but the next time you catch yourself where you're able to do it, say, oh, yay, I get a gold coin to match my gold ground. Alright? So you're cheating your nervous something, nervous system, something new now, which is I don't have to react to stay safe anymore, right before to stay safe. What did that look like? That looked like, I mean, first of all, even I'm just picturing our body language, just like the hunch. You know what I'm talking about, that sinking into yourself, you feel that heart sink, your body collapses into itself. You're like maybe a dog between the tail, between its legs, this kind of, okay, oh no, I got to shrink because I don't want the explosion.

(07:10)
What else could that overexplaining ourselves? Right? So there's that. Oh, no, but I didn't mean to, no, that's not what I meant to do. That's not what I was saying, right? All of that, that urgency to fix, that urgency to make everything right, that weight on your shoulders, it is your responsibility to fix this because they have conditioned you that way. We actually are out of that situation. Now, if you are, I hope you are. If not, we got to get out of that. We got to get out of that situation. No one should let you feel like that, right? But I don't have to react to stay safe anymore, and that's where that detachment actually begins. And you could write that on a post-it note. Put it on your mirror, put it on your forehead, wherever you'll see it. I don't have to react to stay safe anymore. We've been conditioned to react in some way, whether that reaction could be very submissive, that reaction could be fighting for our lives.

(08:27)
So you're not behind in healing. I know a lot of you, so many of my clients are like, oh, no, it had an effect on me. It's a transition time. It's not overnight that it's not going to have an effect. This is the transition to I'm of, Hey, something has maybe triggered me or given me that visceral reaction, and you know what I'm going to do with that? I'm going to not sucked into it. I'm going to talk to myself and remind myself I don't have to react. I don't have to do what they want just because I'm conditioned to do what they want.

(09:11)
I don't have to react to stay safe anymore. I am safe. I am safe. I'm safe. I feel like screaming it on the mountaintop. Okay? So you are unwinding survival patterns that took years to build, right? So once you have this light bulb and it's like, oh, they're a narcissist. You kind of figure that out. You understand that more. Then you start to go, okay, well, I shouldn't react to this. I'm out of this situation, and why can't I just move on? Why can't I get unstuck? Why can't I look like him in his happy little bubble life? First of all, he's full of shit. He's not happy. Or whoever your narc is, they're not happy. That's a whole other episode. Actually, that's a good episode. I should dive into that. And I have this conversation with my clients a lot, right? Because it's almost like, not a jealousy, but a, how are they so fine?

(10:10)
Let's say if it's your ex, how are they doing so well? Why are they so happy? Why are they having no problem? Their whole life is a problem. Again, that's another episode I definitely will be doing because I love that topic now, but your job isn't to worry about them or compare yourself to realize you are human. And this took a long time, most likely for some longer than others, meaning you've been in it longer. It probably didn't take super long. I mean, they're good at what they do, so they get you in. Didn't take 'em super long to love bomb you and get you under their spell. But it did take a while, right? They slowly got into your head, manipulated, confused, you, deflected onto you, lied to you, maybe cheated on you, maybe abused you emotionally, mentally, financially. There's a lot here. So you're not going to look at your post-it and repeat it three times and be like, I'm healed, mama.

(11:24)
No, but it can be a quicker process than you think once you actually do that deeper healing. And of course, that's what I'm here to handhold you through. The one-on-one sessions that are so important, this work, this somatic healing. If you don't know what somatic is it, it's the body, right? So we do the coaching, right? Some clients want to understand narcissism more and how they got there and how to trust. Again, all of that stuff, all the mind stuff, the logical stuff, the situational stuff, the customized coaching on that level. And then there's the somatic healing, which I mean, it's all great to me. I love all this work. But the somatic healing, there is something truly magical about it where your body remembers everything. Your body holds onto this stuff. Your body's a little behind the brain and the mind and your nervous system is going, I'm still not feeling safe.

(12:30)
I'm stuck. So your mind may not be completely stuck, but your nervous system is. So that can then trigger the mind to feel stuck and start replaying because it's going, wait, but my body's saying I'm not safe, so something's wrong, so I'm going to start spiraling. So it's this awful cycle. So we need to help the body too. In parallel. The body is this important piece that a lot of people really don't give enough credit to in healing. So that's my job to help both of those pieces of you. And we have the spiritual part too. I am a God person. I will always ask permission, but we can bring God in. We can bring prayer in if you're a God person too. But the somatic healing is mind blowing work. And what does that look like? We go on, I call 'em Soul Cas, okay?

(13:26)
We go on little Soul Cas in our one-on-one sessions. We do these once a week, and I have three programs. Please go check them out in the show notes, and you can read more in depth about them. But this is mind blowing work that will change your life, right? It's transformational. All my clients who have done it have had improvement in their life, some who have been with me a year. It is unrecognizable in a good way. I mean, they're them, but even more confident, they finally trust themselves. They're dating again, people who came in saying, I will never date again. I have no idea how I would ever trust anyone are out there now dating, feeling freedom, feeling confident, having a whole new career. I can't tell you just the impact that all of this stuff, when someone conditions you in these ways and smacks you down how it affects your entire life.

(14:29)
So it is so cool for me to help people through that transformation. It's just mind blowing, all of it, all of it. So sorry, I get so excited about it. So if you're interested in working, this is for somebody, the people, the women who are ready, who are ready to say, yeah, I am ready to do this work. I don't want to feel this way. I want to get unstuck, and I would love to carve out an hour a week. This is for people who aren't great, also at the self-care, at the carving, the timeout that do everything for everybody else, or they're used to that. People pleasers moms who just, it's hard to get even an hour away this hour. There's so much built into this hour that it feels like you get hours work worth of work. I'll say that. That's a good way to put it in one hour, but we try and make it fun too.

(15:34)
I mean, I'm Christie, so it's also fun. It's a little bit fun. I mean, I think it's a lot bit fun. I hate that it's related to this stuff, obviously, that we have to heal from. But yes, I do, of course, try to make it also light. You're not going to go out of the session weeping. We are going to make sure I am trained with trauma informed, which means I have been certified and trained how to make sure we're not going to re-trigger you and send you into some black abyss. You're in good hands, and we're going to help you at the end of the session. You will feel better and delighter and have definitely done some healing. So I'm excited about you being able to start this new chapter in your life. So if you are on board, if you are ready, again, all the information is in the show notes.

(16:32)
You can email me. My email is in there. If you have any questions at all, it's fierce Mama C at Gmail. What else? We have a Facebook group. Yes, we do. Queens Little Queen Facebook group for women just like you. And there are questions you have to answer because I want to make sure you're not a bot and that it is a sacred, safe place for all of you. So please answer those, or I will not let you in. That's just one of the rules. So what else? I guess that's it. If you didn't hear my episode on Tuesday, there's a full rundown on this topic, so you can listen to that or watch it on YouTube. I'm going to post both of these probably tonight on YouTube. Sometimes I'm a little later posting on YouTube, so sometimes they'll go up on Thursdays. But yes, I have a little YouTube channel.

(17:23)
If you want to see my face today. I don't think I have a, Nope, not a stitch of makeup on. So it's naked baby face today, but maybe you've seen worse. Maybe not. I don't know. You'll have to look and see. But if you are just on audio, I love you. Let's end with some beautiful affirmations. All right. Repeat after me. Hands over your heart unless you're driving. Then please keep them on the wheel and just listen. Don't close your eyes. All right? But those of you who are in a safe space to do so, close your eyes, hands on heart. Let's take a nice inhale through the nose, that halo breath breathing out. All right, I am safe. I am ready because I'm a queen. That's right. Yes, you are queen. All right, I will see you in the next episode next Tuesday. Don't forget to follow also on whatever platform you are listening or watching this. Make sure to follow so you don't miss any episodes because there's tons of 'em. Alright, have a great one. Love you. Bye.

The 3 Reasons You Still React to a Narcissist (and How to Stop)

Tue, 17 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0500

The 3 Reasons You Still React to a Narcissist (Even When You Know Better)

You’ve learned the patterns. You understand narcissistic behavior. And yet — you still find yourself reacting, explaining, defending, or feeling emotionally pulled back in. This episode breaks down why that happens and why it has nothing to do with weakness or lack of healing. Christy explains the nervous-system and psychological reasons survivors continue to react, and how awareness alone isn’t enough to change the pattern. If you’ve ever left an interaction thinking, “Why did that still affect me?” — this episode will bring clarity and relief.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why trauma bonding keeps your brain hooked even after separation
How nervous system conditioning overrides logic in real time
The hidden emotional triggers narcissists activate — often without words
The shift that helps you move from reaction → regulation → response

Your Next Step in Healing
If you’re ready to stop overthinking interactions and start feeling calm, clear, and grounded again, deeper support can help you retrain both mindset and nervous system responses.

3-Month Transformational Coaching (Deep-Dive Support)
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
Focused, high-support coaching to help you stabilize emotionally, implement boundaries, and break reactive patterns.

6-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/
For women ready to fully rebuild self-trust, confidence, and emotional safety.

12-Month Queens of Peace Coaching Container
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/
Long-term transformation and identity rebuilding after narcissistic abuse.

Additional Support & Resources
Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free): https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/
Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

Contact: https://christyjade.podbean.com/e/ep-5-the-grey-rock-method-how-to-disconnect-from-narcissistic-abusers/

TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So you understand narcissistic behavior now or at least way more than you used to. You see the manipulation, you see the patterns you promised yourself, you will not get pulled in again. And then one message shows up and suddenly your heart is racing. You're explaining yourself again, and afterward you're wondering, why am I still reacting like this? Today we're going to talk about why that happens and why it does not mean you are failing at healing. Okay? Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you.

(00:51)
Hello queen. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with Christy Jade. Alright, so I want to start first with something that I hear constantly, and maybe you've said this to yourself too. I know what they're doing. So why does it still affect me? Because there's this strange phase in healing where your awareness wakes up, but your nervous system is still lagging. It's still not caught up, and this is very, very normal. So I want you to know that first of all, right, your mind understands what happened, but your body, that nervous system, all the things still reacts like it is happening now. Basically it's stuck, and I get that word so much from my clients, I feel stuck. So the text comes in, your stomach drops, you feel pressure to respond immediately. That urgency, oh, I'm familiar, I remember that guy. Do not miss urgency. And you start mentally defending yourself before you've even unlocked your phone and afterwards, then comes the shame.

(02:04)
I should be past this. So today I want to walk you through something very gently, well, as queen gently as I can be, right? Because there are really three things happening underneath these reactions, and once you see them, you will stop blaming yourself. Well, that is my goal here. Okay, so reason one, your body still thinks you are in danger. When you lived inside these narcissistic dynamics, your nervous system adapted to survive the unpredictability. This is something that is not normal. It's not what most people have to go through in life, this unpredictable, unsafe feeling all the time. So you learn to respond quickly, explain fast, fix tension before it actually escalated. Not you were weak, but because your brain was protecting you, right? Your subconscious. So now when that person reaches out, your body reacts before logic has time to step in. Your heart speeds up your thoughts, race desperately trying to figure out what to do, even though a lot of times we've been through this over and over and you feel that urgency again, urgency is my enemy.

(03:32)
I still have some residual, and this is just a little side note, I'll get back in a second, but my a DD creeps in a side note of urgency that can be created even though I have healed so much and comes so far, and I don't feel that urgency to, especially those people that I know longer have relationship with or other similar toxic personalities that come along that treat people like that can try to condition you to feel like everything's urgent even though I don't have that. When you've been conditioned like that for a long time, especially if you grew up with it in your family, childhood, it's a long-term thing. You can develop just an urgency in general, which I've gotten rid of, but not totally all the way. So when I say we're still healing, we're always healing. No one in the world is always ever healed.

(04:28)
We're all on our different paths. I want to be very transparent. I have come so far and I am a completely different person in a fabulous way of who I used to be as far as narcissistic abuse recovery goes, but there's still some things in life that we still have to work on, and sometimes I'll get these little dings of this just urgency because it was so conditioned in my nature. So anyway, we're going to go back to what we're talking about here, but you might be able to relate to that, and I just want to be honest with you guys, so it's not like I know a lot of you will say you feel behind. Well, guess what? There is no behind. We're all always healing. So this urgency creates reaction and you're not reacting to this specific moment. Your nervous system is reacting to what it remembers, everything it remembers. And healing begins when the moment that you realize this is not a character flaw, it's just conditioning. So sometimes the most powerful change is simply pausing and shining a light on it, not answering right away, letting your body catch up to reality before your fingers start typing and you start explaining Overexplaining, can we be real?

(06:04)
I mean, there's so many different reactions we have with narcissists that we've been conditioned to do the overexplaining and just this trying to get the right word because you don't want to escalate and then you're like, well, maybe I shouldn't. There's back and forth in your own head and then it's too late. You already sent this message. So a lot of power comes in pausing and not answering right away, if at all. Do you have to answer? It depends right? With someone. You have to, and there's so many episodes I have on this type of stuff. Gray Rock Method episode is a really good place to start, but don't take the bait, don't get emotional. Keep it simple, keep it short, keep it factual. These are all tips in there. So not answering right away and also go listen to that episode and let your body catch up with reality before you actually start responding.

(07:06)
It is a great, fantastic idea when you get, first of all, you don't even need to read it right away unless it's like they have your child for the weekend. It could be an emergency, right? If not, you don't have to read it right away. Even the urgency is made up. It's bullshit. They conditioned us to feel, okay? So unless it's involving your child in the moment, it's not an emergency. They can wait and you can get your thoughts together to think of how you can stay in your power and your peace and respond with no emotion and no extra information for them either. That is a big tip. Don't let them have extra information that they can use against you. Okay? So reason two, you're still communicating. This is a healthy relationship. Most survivors keep reacting because they're still trying to communicate normally. So you're trying to clarify, you're trying to be fair as you would with anyone.

(08:07)
You're trying to be the bigger person in a way. We talked about this a little bit last week. You're trying to be understood. Can I tell you one of our biggest triggers as narcissist, abuse, recover, or survivors is being misunderstood. Anyone out there? Yeah. Is that true? I know it's true For me, one of my Achilles was being misunderstood. Now you misunderstand me. That's on you. B, bye-bye. Not my shit. Hashtag not my shit. Okay? But that is something that can definitely be a trigger. So when we feel like we're being misunderstood, which they'll purposely misunderstand you or pretend they are misunderstanding you, we go into, oh no, I have to make sure. So now I have to what? Over. Explain. Okay.

(08:58)
Healthy relationships resolve through communication. So we think, oh, if I communicate I can make this better. That's what we should think. If we're in a healthy relationship, we should think, oh, well I need to talk about this. We need to work through this. We can get through this together, but we're not in a healthy relationship even if we're outside the relationship, we are technically in relationship with this person. If we're in communication with them, which I know a lot of you are, especially when you are co-parenting or trying to figure out what to do in a relationship or getting out of it. Sometimes we're out of it, but we still have a little strings attached and if you're there, run, no, I'm just kidding. Alright, but narcissistic dynamics, they don't calm through understanding. They continue through engagement. So what does that mean? They don't get calmer through understanding.

(09:59)
Why? Because again, this isn't a healthy individual who's receiving your information like a healthy individual would, right? So it's just continuing engagement and that's what they want, and they want you to take the bait so they can gain more control of you and confuse you and manipulate you more. So then every explanation gives more material for them, right? I was saying you don't want them to have more material, more ammo against you. Every defense keeps that emotional loop alive and they love that. They love to get emotions out of you, good or bad, they don't care. And this realization can be freeing and heartbreaking at the same time. When you realize all this stuff, I was just talking to a client this week about this, it can be devastating that all of this is going on, but once you accept it, so the hard part is realizing it. Let's put it this way, the hard part is realizing it. The freeing part is accepting it.

(11:11)
Okay? Should I say that again? The hard part is realizing it very difficult. You might not even be able to do it overnight. It might be a couple weeks to really soak in when you start to really understand the mind of a narcissist, but the freedom in it, the power in it comes from accepting that it's all true, right? Because you start to see it through a very different lens. So you were not failing to communicate well enough. You're trying to solve something that wasn't designed to be solved. They don't want it to get that sucks, right? It sucks to realize that. But the faster you accept that knowing, they actually don't want to resolve this, they don't want to have peace. And if they say they do, they're bullshitting you. I know you want peace. You're the only one who can get it for yourself.

(12:17)
They will not give that to you. They're not giving peace out on any kind of silver, gold or rose gold platter. So when responses become shorter, simpler, focused on only what actually matters, you get out of that emotional area. And we're not doing this to punish them. You don't have to be vindictive, you don't have to be mean. You be neutral, baby. That gray rock method is called gray rock for reason. What's gray? Neutral blend in neutral. We're not going to be sparkly. They don't get our sparkle and they don't get our dark because dark is not our natural state. Sparkle, of course it is. We're queens. They don't deserve all the sparkles so they can have our leftover neutral, okay? Actually my neutral is leopard print. So where do we go from there? I don't know. Okay, so you're not doing it though to punish them, okay?

(13:15)
So any guilt you have, spit it out. Just spit it out. It's gross. We don't like the taste of guilt, okay? We're going to just protect our peace. You're protecting your peace. And I've heard this so many times in different phrasing, but boundaries are not made to hurt others or control others, but to protect yourself. So anytime you have that guilt creep up, remember that part that did help me? I remember the first time I heard that years ago about boundaries. We've been conditioned by narcissists that boundaries are selfish. No, no ma'am. They're not selfish. No, they're protecting yourself, which is absolutely normal. You're not trying to control them. You're not telling them what to do. You are maybe telling them what you'll do if they do something, but that's not controlling them. That's a response, right? Here's an example, quick example.

(14:15)
If you continue to talk to me that way, I'm going to hang up the phone. You're not saying they can't talk to you that way. There's just a consequence, a natural consequence to them being a jackass. All right, get it. Okay, moving on. Reason three, oh my gosh, I'm so thirsty. I had pizza today. Do you guys get thirsty when you pizza? Hold on, I'm taking a swig. I feel like I get so thirsty. Maybe there's extra sodium in there. Is that a me thing? Alright, so reason three, part of you is still waiting for closure. Ah, it's true. So this one is a little quieter, but maybe deeper. Maybe it's deeper. Maybe we don't want to think about it, but maybe it's true. So ears open. Listen to Christy Jade. So many reactions happen because part of you still hopes that one interaction will feel different.

(15:20)
Maybe they'll finally understand. You can be a big tough ass bee. Like myself, I was always kind of tough. I wasn't as tough as I am now probably, but I was at a little tough side, maybe not with certain people, but even that tough girl who was like, I don't care, whatever. Was there a little hope, a little sliver that narc would hear me or not misunderstand me the trigger? Or maybe I'd be special enough to change them. Maybe they take accountability because they love me so much. By the way, PS, another heartbreaker is they don't really know what true love feels like. They don't love the same way as us. I don't know what to call it, but I don't want to call it anything right now. We're not going to talk about their love other than that can mess with your mind. So I'm slipping that in there. It's just a note. Just a little side note that they don't love the same way I get that question a lot, you guys, well, if he loved me, how could he do this? They don't love in the same way that we know how to love.

(16:42)
But back to the reactions I'm trying to hold on. Lemme look at my notes here happened because part of, yes, still the hope, still the hope that they will maybe show you kindness, that they'll soften, they'll have a wake up call, any of that. And there's nothing wrong with wanting that. It means you loved sincerely. And I don't want you to regret loving anything. Anyone in this world we're beautiful humans with beautiful love, beautiful hearts. Most of us are empaths that get taken advantage of by people like this, right? We have a lot to give. I am a wild, passionate Italian woman. I got a lot of love. I got a lot of spice. I will tell you how I think, especially now, but we have a lot of love and I don't want anyone to go, man, I wish I never, I wish I never, I believe we all had a path. We don't know all the reasons, but what do you do now? You learn lessons. Yes, but regretting love. No, it means you love sincerely. That's okay.

(18:06)
The healing accelerates though. When the closure stops being something that you want to receive, it doesn't come from the conversation going differently. Closure comes from you no longer needing that conversation to feel. Okay? That's when the actual shift starts happening. And I've had that in my own journey where I really, even though I didn't seek it deep down, there was this hope of this sliver of hope. I say didn't really know if it was there, but there was always a little hope. Well, maybe one day I'll get that, sorry or that call. And then I had another day where I woke up and said, I don't even want that call. I don't need that call. I don't care about that call anymore. I don't need that anymore because I had been on my healing journey. I had done the inside work, especially the somatic healing.

(19:30)
Blew all my healing out of the water. Hashtag somatic healing is the bomb. I don't know why I'm doing hashtags in the bomb. I'm really just regressing today. So welcome to my regression show. But I, in my journey, that moment of it was a new truth that was truly from the inside. I felt it deep and I know who I am. I don't need to be affirmed by other people anymore. I don't need a conversation for closure anymore. I know who I am. I know I loved hard. I love hard in general. I'm a good person. I'm a good wife. I'm a good sister, I'm a good mother, I'm a good daughter. And I'm not trying to be like, ooh, toot too. But at a point you finally get enough confidence, it doesn't mean you're cocky. It means you're saying, I am good enough. I'm finally good enough.

(20:43)
And if you've been conditioned by a narcissist bottom line, you believe you're not good enough. At some point, probably ongoing. And I never felt good enough because this narcissist, well, there's a couple in my life, but one started out and I didn't feel good enough because of how they messed with my mind and my beliefs about myself and to do all this beautiful somatic work and come out of that being like I'm not questioning myself anymore and gaining the self trust, not just confidence, right? I'm good enough, but I trust myself to know X, Y, z moving forward. That is huge. That's the hugest thing that I feel I can help guide you through in working with me. That is a gift. Not saying it's my gift. I'm just saying this work is a gift. I think it's a gift from God. I love that he placed it in my life and I've had such impact from it, and I love even more that I got to experience it, know how amazing it is, and immediately be like, okay, I need to put this into my work because now we are talking more than, I mean, it was great enough with the narcissistic abuse, recovery, coaching, now you're going to go sprinkle in the somatic stuff and lives are exploding in amazing ways.

(22:19)
I know that's a weird word to say, but it is just because it's mind blowing work. It's mind blowing. That's all I can say. It's really awesome. So I got totally sidetracked there, but I love it. So let's go back, wind this up, that closure, the shift starts happening once you let go of needing that closure, but there's a gap there. You need it probably right now if you're agreeing with this. So you need to do some healing before you can close that gap. And that's whether it's with your therapist, whether it's with me, whatever you can do to close that gap. So what does healing actually look like?

(23:06)
It's not the moment you never feel triggered again in your life, okay? It's actually kind of quieter than that. It's like pausing before responding, right? Take your little fingers away from that text message. Go put that phone in a drawer. Go back to it later and listen to the Gray Rock Method episode. I'll try to put that in the show notes. By the way, it looks like we're recovering faster, which is huge with somatic healing. It looks like noticing the reaction without being controlled by it. So you might get even a visceral response for a while. That might not be overnight that that leaves you. But instead of letting that marinate and take over and control your body and then your mind, you go, wow, I feel my body getting real tense about this. Let's say it's just a text message and you go, okay, I'm going to do some breathing.

(24:09)
We got some somatic tools from Christie Jade up in here. That's by the way, thrive in five on Thursdays are all about those tools. How can I take myself into the present moment, shift from away from being triggered and telling my body, guess what? Calm down. We're safe. We're good. Take a breath. Go take a walk. Go listen to some fun music. Go eat some bon bonds, okay? Get out of that moment. Don't be controlled by their shit anymore. And the day you realize something small, but life changing, the message comes in and your whole day doesn't collapse. It doesn't affect you the rest of the day. You don't have to go call your girlfriends. You don't have to cry and eat too many bond bonds. We got to moderate our bond bonds. And that's when your nervous system finally understands, I am safe. Now I just put my hands in my heart. Oh, I was feeling that. It's my favorite little phrase. I'm safe now.

(25:21)
So if you're still reacting, sometimes you're not behind. First of all, you're in very good company. I know a lot of you guys, you can actually join my Facebook page and chat together. That's in the show notes too, right? You're not broken. You're in the middle of your body learning a new definition of safety. You're in a transition. That's all it is. So just breathe. Not everything can happen overnight, and you're not going to win healing by never being triggered. We all want that. I hope to never be triggered again. I can still get triggered, but it's what I can now do with it because of my healing. I got to take another swig, man.

(26:13)
I'm sure it's lovely to listen to out there. You like it my gulps. So you actually win when their behavior stops. Like deciding your emotional state. Take your power back, queen. Don't let them do that. You're letting them do that. They're not doing it. No one can control your emotions and that's not fun. We love to blame everybody else, and I'm not trying to put blame on you, not adding to guilt or shame, but saying we do get to heal and we get to shift that power and it's beautiful. This is empowerment. And then it shifts slowly and then all at once. I do feel like there's this click moment where just like a lot changes, you go through these motions and it's like boom. And you're like, whoa. And you look back, you're like, I get here. This is amazing and it's coming for you.

(27:09)
You're listening to this podcast. So obviously you're one step closer to freedom. So if this episode resonated, share it with someone who needs the reminder that healing isn't about perfection, it's just about progress. And if you, like I said, you want some deeper support, I basically do coaching and somatic healing wrapped up into one. And we do one hour sessions once a week, and I have three programs we could do three months, six month and 12 month. And you can read about them in the show notes if you want more details or you can always email me. My email will be in the show notes too. You can ask me more about them or we set up a fun little call and start if you're ready. Yeah, I know I want this. I'm in. You can start with three months, six month, 12 month. They all have Voxer access, which is a fun walkie talkie app.

(28:12)
So you can either just text normal people or do voice messaging, which I say like normal people because some of my friends hate voice messaging. I like it, I'm fine with it. But you can do that. It's on Voxer and I can explain details of that. But generally I check that once or twice a day and I'll get back to you within 24 hours during Monday through Friday. So that's a fun thing my clients love taking advantage of. And it's in between our weekly calls. They get to be like, Hey, I was just thinking about this. Someone might be, I've got spinning out calls. You can't leave. 80 minute messages says, okay guys, but you get my point. I mean, I've had people kind of spinning out and like, oh, this thought's resonated. And then I get to come back and remind them what a queen they are, and I give them tools.

(29:06)
Maybe in the moment, go do X, Y, Z. And it's beautiful. They get this in-between support. So I don't know. I love my programs, but I'm very biased. No, I'm just kidding. If you do have questions, seriously, please email me or read the more detailed descriptions on the links. You can click the links and read more and sign up because I want to work with you because I want to help more people because f these narcs that think they can get away with this, know we are going to heal and we are going to take over the damn world. World, yes, Queens. All right, let's end with I feel like we need to some affirmations. Take a nice breath through your nose, out your mouth, and repeat after me. All right. Let's see what's a good one for this week? I separate my energy from their dark energy. Okay, I am no longer in danger because I am a queen. Yes, you are. Shine that crown. Go sign up to work with me. Make sure to follow so you don't miss any episodes on whatever platform you're on. And I will see you in the next episode on Thursday. Love you. Bye.

3 Boundary Traps Narcissists Use in Co-Parenting And How to Outsmart Them Every Time

Thu, 12 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0500

Short Description
Narcissistic co-parents are masters at twisting boundaries—but you don’t have to fall for their traps. In this Thrive in 5, I break down 3 sneaky tactics they use and exactly how to outsmart them so you can protect your peace and power. 👑✨

💻 Courses & Coaching

👑 Empowered Boundaries Course → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

✨ Work 1:1 With Me (current 1:1 programs) →

3-Month Coaching Container
Focused, high-touch support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and stop being emotionally hijacked by co-parenting dynamics.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Coaching Container
Deeper healing and integration for women ready to fully rebuild self-trust, emotional safety, and confidence after narcissistic abuse.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Coaching Container
A long-term, transformational container for women ready to fully reclaim their power, peace, and identity — and create a steady, regulated life beyond survival mode.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

🌟 Connect & Resources

👑 Join the Private Facebook Community → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

🎁 Free Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

🎤 Subscribe to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast → https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/f7vsi-208d1a/Narcissistic-Abuse-Recovery-Podcast

🎧 Related Podcast Episode

🪨 The Grey Rock Method: How to Deal with a Narcissist if You Cannot Go No Contact
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776

TRANSCRIPTS

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Today we are breaking down the three biggest boundary traps that narcissists use in co-parenting. They are sneaky little ways. They try to keep you off balance, steal your peace and rope you into their chaos. No thank you. So here's the best part. I'm not just going to tell you what the traps are. I'm going to give you the exact tools to outsmart them every single time. Queen Edge. Alright, so the first is the infamous guilt trip. You're probably familiar with that, right? They'll say things like, if you really cared about the kids, you'd switch weekends or you're being so selfish by not helping me out. And what is their goal to make you feel like a bad mom or a bad co-parent?

(01:09)
Bad parent, period. Unless you cave, right? They're trying to get whatever fits into what benefits them. So how do you outsmart it? First you stick to the plan and then literally repeat the boundary without defending it. Remember this part without defending it? So that could look like, nope, we're going to stick to the parenting schedule and then pause. Zip it. Do not explain. Okay? We have a tendency when we are people pleasers or empaths or don't want to be misunderstood. That was a big trigger for me just in my life being misunderstood. So over explaining can make us feel like maybe we'll be understood or just giving reasons, right? Don't explain, don't argue, don't get emotional. None of those things are going to help, okay? You want to outsmart them. Remember that the silence is actually the strength, okay? Remember, silence is strength. Silence is strength.

(02:18)
Don't take the bait. Okay? So number two, the endless negotiator, okay, you say no and they immediately push back. Well what about just this one time? Or well if we switch next week instead, or what if I pick them up later instead of earlier? What if all the different things to try to get their way somehow and getting their way equals what? Control. That's what they're trying to get. We're not going to give it to 'em, okay? They keep changing the terms to wear you down. So this is actually calculated, manipulative. When they're doing this. They figure if they can drag you into the back and forth, they then already have your energy. They're already gaining the power over you. So how do we outsmart it? Again, don't take the bait. My favorite phrase of life, restate once, then disengage. So it's very similar. So something like, no, we'll be sticking to the plan.

(03:27)
If they keep pushing, don't respond. I would maybe say it twice. If they have a first negotiation party coming out of their mouth, say, Nope, we'll be sticking to the plan. Nope, we'll be sticking the plan and then don't respond. Or maybe on the third time you say, I've already answered and move on your time, energy and sanity are what is not up for negotiation. And if you let them repeatedly suck you into where you're responding over and over and over, they are gaining that power and feeling like they're getting you closer and closer to giving them what they want. And they probably are half the time, okay? So don't get sucked in. Alright? So trap three, the victim act, okay? They'll say something like, you're making my life harder or You're the reason I can't see my kids as much as I want. They play the poor me card to twist the narrative and put you back in caretaker mode.

(04:44)
They know at this point that you have a big heart. They know that. Know your soft spots, they know your buttons so they know even more specifically what they can say in these situations to get you to feel sorry for them. So how do you outsmart this? Don't step into the role they are assigning you. Okay? I want you to hear that one. Don't step into the role they are assigning you. It's not your role, baby. Okay? It ain't your role. It doesn't look good on you anymore. Nope, we're moving on. So a simple firm statement like I'm not responsible for your feelings. We're following the parenting plan. And then again, if they come push back, you repeat again, we're following the parenting plan. And then you say, I've already answered, move on. If you give it that much, I'm saying three max, three responses max.

(05:49)
It's not your job to rescue them. I know we love rescuing. Gosh, I mean, I adopted a child, I adopted a dog. I'm all about that rescue life. I get it, girl. No, but I know you probably have a beautiful heart. You understand? You feel like, oh, maybe they had a hard childhood or this and that, all the things, or oh, they lost their job. There's so many things and feelings, I get it. But it is your job to protect your peace and your child's emotional safety above everything else. If you're a God person, it is God, you and your kid. It is not your job to save a narcissist. It's not your job to save a toxic person. It's not your job to save anyone, your child hell yeah, save that child and saving your own sanity for yourself, but also for your child.

(06:52)
Your child needs the most stable, healthy minded parent they can, especially because they have another parent who is so unhealthy. Okay? So keep that in mind when you're feeling guilty or second guessing your role, that's your role. Your role is to be a peaceful parent and that does not mean that you cave to the narcissist. Okay? So here's your thriving five challenge for the week. You like that? Alright? You're going to watch for these traps, the guilt trip, the negotiator, the victim, and the next time one of them shows up, practice outsmarting it by keeping your responses short, firm and free of over-explaining. And again, I've mentioned a lot recently, I feel like my Gray Rock Method episodes, so if I forget to link them, I hope I don't, I might. And just look up Gray Rock Method in my podcast or with my name and it should come up.

(08:00)
I think there's two episodes on the Gray Rock method that is all about going a little more deeply into this stuff. But if you want even more tools to help you hold boundaries that actually stick, I mean it is a whole, my course is epic. You will never ever regret purchasing it. It has changed people's lives just from the course. Obviously the one-on-one work is super transformational and customized because I'm there with you every step of the way. The second best thing, if you really want to have transformational experience with not just the co-parent, but anyone else you come into contact with that is controlling, toxic, any of that unhealthy, and you aren't so great at keeping boundaries or maintaining them or what to do in the conversations if they push back or if they do not respect your boundaries. All of that is in that it is a 10 video course and it's one dripped out every week.

(09:12)
These have been selling like little cute pancakes, hotcakes sound like the hotcakes because it's really, really important as a foundation to thrive. In order to thrive, you need to be confident and set boundaries. It is the foundation of moving on into this kind of thriving mentality, which you can do by the way, no matter who you are, what you've been through, you can, there's 10 modules. There's a meditation bundle that goes along with it. If you're into the namaste, calm your body and it's designed to help you step out of survival mode and into peace. Because if you're feeling stuck, one of the problems that is keeping you stuck a big major problem is that you're not feeling strong enough, confident enough, and self trusting enough to set boundaries. And we talk about that in the boundary scores. So it's the energetics, it's the confidence, it's building that and setting the boundaries, evaluating what boundaries you need to have, having the conversations if you need to have them.

(10:32)
And again, going from there, okay, Queens need boundaries and you're a damn queen. Look at you. Go look in the mirror. Would you take a second? Go check her out. She's super hot and she looks like she needs a boundary course called Empowered Boundaries. So I'll put the link in the show notes if you want to do one-on-one. Those of you listening who have signed up with me recently, one-on-one, my coaching, my hours are getting crammed and crammed and I have less space and I'm feeling bad because I'm booking up. It's a great thing for me, but I really want to help everyone I can. So if you are considering working with me, jump in there. Let's get a one-on-one session. I have one-on-one. There's a one-off, which this is not a one-off work, this is not, oh, let's do one and done. This is you're doing your intake call with me to get to know each other and obviously we can feel it out and go from there.

(11:37)
And if you're just like, I just want in on this, I want a huge transformation. There is a package for one month and there's a package for three months. The three months you get a bonus of Voxer in between all our calls. So you get once a week calls. So a lot of fun little options. I'll put them in the show notes. But this boundaries course, right now we're talking about boundaries. That's why I was really focusing on that. And it is a less expensive way if you are tight on funds right now, it's really inexpensive for what you get and you get it for lifetime access. So you can go back to it, refer to it over and over again. It's amazing. Yes, I'm biased, but it's the hottest shit you'll ever, ever see in your life. Okay? All right, so that is your thriving five. Keep your crown high, protect that sparkle, and remember, you can outsmart the traps and reclaim your peace. Okay? You can trust me. I've done it and now you're going to do it. So look, these little tips, they can help. You want to go deeper, you want to really transform, you have to actually invest in that. And is it is priceless by doing a course or doing one-on-one work, whether it's with me or someone else.

(13:14)
That is how you make change. If you're feeling stuck, that's how you get unstuck. Okay? So I would love you to sign up for either the course or one-on-one work. Let's do this. You are worth it. Peace is truly priceless. I'm not just saying this right? I'm not just like, oh yeah, here's this course I'm telling you, you deserve to be able to feel confident and comfortable setting boundaries in your life and having peace and showing your children what they should and should not accept in their life. And that's what boundaries do. Not controlling other people, controlling our peace and what happens to us and what we do with that. So I could go on and on, but I will not because you got stuff to do. I got stuff to do. I'm going to go put my coconut oil on. I just got coconut oil for my face.

(14:10)
Raw Coconut oil by coco and Company. Nope, it's not a commercial, it's just me blabbing because I'm staring at it excited. It smells delicious. I want to eat it, but I won't eat it when it's on my face. Cause that be extra weird? Okay, so on that note, I'll let you go. And if you also have not joined my Facebook group, private Facebook group, get in there. That link is also always in the show notes. So go just have a field day in the show notes, see what's there. It's fun. This is 14 minutes and probably 10 minutes of me just rambling. But that's what you get on the Christie Jade show. Should I change the title? Alright, you guys have a great weekend and I'll be back on Tuesday with the regular episodes. And Thursdays are Thrive in five because we can thrive in five, or in this case, 15. All right, smooches deuces. See you in the next one. Love you.

SPECIAL: Why Co-Parenting With a Narcissist Feels Like Emotional Whiplash (And Why “Good Communication” Makes It Worse)

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0500

If co-parenting feels harder now than it did when you were in the relationship, you’re not imagining it. Many women experience intense anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and self-doubt long after separation — even when they’re doing everything “right.”

In this episode, we unpack why co-parenting with a narcissist or high-conflict parent often feels like emotional whiplash, and why traditional advice like “just communicate better” can actually keep you stuck in a cycle of dysregulation. You’ll learn what’s really happening beneath the surface, why your nervous system reacts so strongly, and what shift actually creates steadiness and relief.

This conversation is about naming what others miss — and giving you language, clarity, and direction when co-parenting feels impossible.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

Why co-parenting can feel worse after the relationship ends
How intermittent emotional reinforcement keeps your nervous system on edge
Why “healthy communication” backfires with narcissistic personalities
The real goal of co-parenting in high-conflict dynamics
How reducing emotional access restores calm and clarity

Your Next Step in Healing

If this episode named something you’ve been feeling but couldn’t explain, this is the exact work I do inside my private coaching containers — helping women move from emotional whiplash to emotional containment so they can protect their peace and show up grounded for their kids.

Work With Me 1:1

Additional Support & Resources

Free Boundaries Pocket Guide
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

📩 Contact: 00:00):

Hello, hello everybody. How are you? I hope you are doing well. It has been super cold, super cold here in the DC area. We got lots of snow/ice. They were calling it, now I forget, some mix between ice and concrete. Ice create. That sounds like ice cream, but I don't think that was it. Anyway, it has been quite a wild ride over here and I want to do a special nervous system reset on Thursday. So make sure to follow this podcast on my main page. Just make sure to hit follow so you can get all my episodes, all my fancy stuff. But today we're talking about co-parenting because I know most of my clients are going through that. A lot of you listeners are going through that. And today I'm going to talk about why it feels like emotional whiplash more than co-parenting and why "good communication" can actually make it worse.

(00:58)
Sometimes we're not given the best advice.

(01:04)
Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five-minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen, this one's for you. So welcome back. I'm Christie Jade. If you are co-parenting with a narcissist or high conflict, toxic, whatever buzzword you want to insert there, and you're feeling anxious, dysregulated, needing that namaste like myself right now. But it might be right after you're coming out or soon out of a relationship, or it could be you're years out and you're still feeling this, then you are in the right place today. This is one I've been wanting to record a while because it addresses something so many people feel, but don't really have the language for. So why does co-parenting feel harder than the marriage did in ways? Some of us who come out go, "Wait a second.

(02:17)
Why does this feel harder? Should I have just stayed?" It can get even to that point. Why does a two-sentence text knock you out emotionally for hours or have you spinning, your mind spinning and trying to analyze, or you're just uptight on those eggshells you were when you were with them and you're still walking on the eggshells in different ways now. Why does all the advice about, "Oh, just be the bigger person, have good communication, seem to actually make things worse instead of better." I'm going to answer all of it. That's why Queen Christ is here. We're all queens in this together, right? So put your little shiny crown on and we'll have a little chatsky. Drink your beverage, your favorite beverage. Get cozy for this one. Mom's got a lot to say. All right. So first, let's start here. If co-parenting feels like emotional whiplash, one minute they're calm, maybe even cooperative.

(03:20)
I've heard that from many of clients. Sometimes they act totally cooperative, but then boom, you turn around and it's back to the old shit. And then you're flooded with the anxiety, anger at them or even self-doubt, right? Going, wait, did I do this? Did I cause this? Or having guilty feelings or doubting yourself or almost guilt or ashamed, being ashamed or feeling shame around any and all of the past or present things going on. So it's not necessarily a sign you're totally unhealed. That experience has a name. It's intermittent emotional reinforcement. Okay? So here's what almost no one explains clearly enough. Co-parenting with a narcissist is not primarily about parenting. Obviously, I mean, there's more to this, right? But I want to first say, of course, that's not saying it's not the focus.

(04:27)
The focus is always being the best we can for our kid, but I'll get to that. But it's about the continued emotional access. So the relationship ended, but the access didn't end. First of all, it feels like it can't because you're still tied by the children, right? And that is somewhat true. But every text, every quick clarification, every schedule issue becomes their opportunity to reassert control. And what do we know about narcissists? They're always trying to either gain control or see if they still have control. It's always about power and control. It also gives them opportunity to create confusion. That is one of their favorite things to do is confuse or pull you back into self-doubt. That's why it feels so destabilizing. So why the good communication backfires? Most co-parenting advice assumes two emotionally safe adults who want resolution. So when you see all this, "Oh, co-parenting," and you're like, "My friends over there, Dick and Susie know how to do it.

(05:44)
Why can't we do it? " Well, one of them's probably not a narcissist or the other one knows how to navigate narcissists, right? If there is a narcissist involved, which is not common. But narcissists or high conflict, the toxic people, personalities, whatever you want to call it, they don't want resolution. So that's the difference too between you have two healthy adults co-parenting. They both want resolution. They want what's best for the kid. A narcissist wants what's best for the narcissist. Okay? That's a very, very different game you're playing. They want engagement with you even. I'm talking about with you. They want a reaction and they want relevance. So when you're told, "Just communicate clearly. Oh, just be calm. Just keep it about the kids." Mind you, do I say this in some of my coaching? Yes, but it's mixed with other things. Just keep it about the kids.

(06:56)
In that case, I would say when you're responding to them, you do only have to answer things that are pertinent to the children. That's an example. But sometimes people just say in general, "Oh, it's some easy thing to just keep about the kids, just be calm." When you're actually, what you're actually being asked to do is to stay emotionally available. And that's the very thing that can keep that cycle alive, which we don't want to do. So the somatic piece of this, which if you don't know, I do a lot of somatic work with my coaching. All the information my coaching can get more details is in the show notes, the description. Click on any of the links of my ... I have three programs. This is the part that matters deeply because if you're sensitive, intuitive, highly empathetic, like yours truly, which can be a blessing and a curse in some situations it feels like, right?

(07:56)
But your nervous system, learn this person before your mind could explain them. So when you get a message from this person, you get the tight chest, you get the racing, spinning thoughts I was talking about, the sinking feeling in your stomach, that's not weakness. It's not you being irrationally afraid, right? It's pattern recognition. So I want you to kind of soak that in.

(08:31)
It's your body knowing what unpredictability costs, because you've experienced it already with this person. This also, if you may notice in other situations, right? If something's similar, it's kind of like what we call a trigger. And in some situations where PTSD can trigger things, right? You can have that same feeling with somebody else because it's the same pattern. So it's pattern recognition. In this case, it's double whammy because it's the same person, same pattern, very, very familiar. Yeah? So here's the reframe that I want you to hold onto. The goal is not healthy communication. It's emotional containment, right? You're not co-parenting for connection. It would be great. Yes. How great would it be if we could be BFFs with our exes and co-parent together, or even FFs, or even just F, friends, right? But with a narcissist, there's a reason you're here listening to this and it's not, "Oh, let's navigate how to be friends with a narcissist." It's how to navigate dealing with emotional manipulation.

(10:04)
Somebody who has already done damage and you're trying to heal and navigate co-parenting with them, it's not easy. You do not need to be friends with them. You don't need to be ... I don't want to say don't be kind, but you can be civil, but that is different with an unhealthy versus a healthy person. When you're in a civil situation where you don't want to be friends, but they're not necessarily abusive or narcissistic or toxic, you just don't want to be friends, you can have more of a civil kinder relationship. With narcissists, you really have to keep things limited.

(10:48)
There's not peace talks, not mutual understanding because they will never understand you because they don't want to. Again, they don't want resolution. They don't want the same things you do. Even if they say they do, it is a lip service. There's not emotional resolution. That's again, why we're here. You really cannot have emotional resolution with a narcissist. And that is something, once you realize, can make things a little easier for yourself. Going, "I am going to no longer try to connect to this narcissist in a normal, functioning, healthy way." They don't work like us. And sometimes that's a lot to process, a lot to digest. I have a client right now, we're going through the earlier phase. She has been out of the situation, but the earlier phase where she's having a hard time just processing that she's been with someone a very long time and that they're this person and that there's been a lot of lip service.

(12:01)
There's been a lot of pretending, a big mask has been worn by this narcissist, as you all know. Excuse me. Listen to my little alarm beeping over there.

(12:13)
So what actually works? Because we're told, let's say from therapists, I had a therapist years ago. I only went to him once because his advice I knew made no sense with the narcissist. So I walked out of there halfway through, I left. I had to pay, unfortunately. But I'm telling this person it's a narcissist and people dismiss it and think, "Oh, you're crazy. You call everyone a narcissist probably." No. Little did they know that I'd be a narc specialist. But he said, "Oh, just write a nice letter. That would be great if it was so unhealthy and kind that wanted resolution." We know narcs. I do, at least. If you don't know, I'm telling you narcissists, there's not a clean, nice way to have a relationship with them.

(13:18)
How should I put this? Because I feel like I can never, in public, I could get backlash. So I will say never say never. There's 0.000145 chance that a narcissist can be self-aware, actually go to therapy, actually do the work that will take years to get to a place where they can actually maybe have somewhat of a healthy relationship. Ain't nobody got time for that. So we're moving on. So what works with most narcissists, fewer words, not necessarily better words. Keep it very, very simple. You consolidate, consolidate, consolidate. You're sitting there writing that text out and you're like this and that. Well, what if I did this and oh, what do you absolutely have to say? They could say, "Oh, there you go. Saying I'm a bad guy again when you didn't say he's a bad guy." But he's twisting everything. He's going on manipulating, writing this whole big text, and then you're going to write back a defensive text.

(14:25)
"I never said that. Whoa, bring it all back, sister. "You don't have to respond to anything unless at the end of that text or somewhere he's saying," Can I pick up Sally at four o'clock Sunday? "And you say," Yes. "Or," No, please stick to the plan that we agreed upon. You can pick her up Saturday at 3:00, whatever it is.

(14:52)
Stick to your legal stuff. That's a whole other episode. "But this whole them throwing out their line and you taking that bait makes everything worse. More words, worse. Please listen to my Gray Rock Method episode. I'll try to remember to link in the, I'm going to say below because when I'm on YouTube, I say below. Link in the description, the show notes. Written communication. This saves me in daily life just in it's saved me in jobs. It has saved me with home renovation stuff where someone lied and then I got to bring it out and say," Nope, I got the proof right here. "I come from a family of lawyers, people. If anything, always have it written. If words are not recorded, you can also use Family Wizard. There's other apps too. Family Wizard is one. One of my clients swears by it and it has saved her because she had audio recordings of conversations that later she got to use to prove something.

(16:09)
It was proof. We love proof. I love proof to you. So written communications whenever possible. Even if you have a phone conversation, which maybe you wished it would've been written, follow up just write after it, text and say," Just to reiterate, I'll be picking up Janessa at 4:00 PM tomorrow, or whatever it is. Get it in writing, send it in writing. "No emotional language. This is a big one too. They want your emotions. They want your emotions good or bad. It's kind of like a toddler. They just want the attention.

(16:54)
For them, it's different than a toddler. Toddlers are just learning their little babies in the world. They want attention and they're just figuring life out. Narcissists want a reaction because it shows them they have control. And what did they love the most in life? Girls and boys, are we listening? Yes, control. Okay? So no emotional language. No explaining. Here's the hard part, and I know this is hard, but gosh, I have conquered this and I love it. No explaining, no defending or clarifying yourself. And this is in general in life. As women, we can be major overexplainers. It's just like in our culture, at least in America here, where we just have to explain away everything. Why we're not coming to a party and we give 50 reasons.

(17:54)
When you're with a narcissist, then of course you are really conditioned because you will get punished. You'll get punished no matter what usually, right? But you try to get less of a punishment if you can explain and try to reason out of something when really there shouldn't even have to be an exclamation, an explahation. So no more overexplaining, no more defending. Just think of the facts. What do you absolutely have to say in response? Get very almost like legal about it. If they're asking a question, and this is stuff, if you have a lawyer, obviously talk to them about what you are required to respond to. But we as women will overexplain. And even as men, especially dealing with narcissists, this is equal for men and women if you're in the narcissistic situation. The men will definitely have to explain because they're afraid if they don't explain what will happen.

(18:59)
Okay?

(19:02)
This way, there's less room for interpretation, less room for them to twist your words. You use three factual words rather than a paragraph of fluffy words that they can just twist and turn and make a mess with. Yeah, you'll be much happier. So they can also, it's less of an opportunity to hook you and less access to you. The less information you give them, the better. You know narcissists use anything you give them as ... What's it called? Why can't I think of words? Words. Where are you? Like ammo. That was it. Ammo for ... They save it in a little bin. So you say something, they might use it right back then, or they might take it out several months later and use either your vulnerability or just information. Maybe you're upset and you're just kind of like vomiting words and something comes out.

(20:03)
They could use that against you later. So the key in conversation with them is in writing as much as possible and as little as possible, unemotional as possible. Okay? So I want to pause here first because I get so worked up about these peeps. It's like I don't, in my own situations or whatever, I can navigate and handle, but I still, this is why I do this because I get so passionate about like, I hate that these people get away with this stuff. And that's why I want to help you guys so much. I really do. But let's acknowledge something here. Okay? It is deeply unfair that you have to do this. You're in a really tough situation. So give yourself grace, first of all. You didn't choose a high conflict co-parent. I get that you chose to be with this person, but you didn't know, usually you didn't know what you were getting into or your body was in self-preservation, which it's not your fault.

(21:12)
Yes, you learn the lessons and now you learn the lessons. If you're dating around, you use these as lessons. You teach your kids what not to or what to look for in a partner as you learn maybe yourself, what is a good partner. But you may have grown up in a situation in a family that was toxic or you had low self-esteem for X, Y, Z reason, and you ended up with somebody because you were vulnerable. It's not your fault someone took advantage of a good person. So it's kind of a little sidetrack there, but I want you to understand why I'm saying you didn't choose it because people are like, "Well, I chose..." No, you're just probably a really good-hearted, empathetic person, which is, I guess, a narcissist dream in a way, right? But that doesn't make it bad that you are that way.

(22:19)
I want you to stay empathetic. Now we just learn the tools, how to deal with them, how to not get in that situation again. So I want you to shake any of that guilt off. Shake it with me. Woo. All right. You didn't sign up to become an expert in boundaries and nervous system regulation. Neither did I. And here I am, right? This is my whole life now, but I will say this is part of my purpose. So it is what it is. Do I look back sometimes like, "Gosh, why did she ... The younger version of me have to go through that? That sucks." Yeah, I do. But I'm also like, now I can help people. So that's my job here. But what I had to learn, because I was so conditioned to act as if, even in my family, sorry, mom, if I'm throwing anyone under buses, but in my family dynamic, and there was some old school, and I say to my mom, this isn't about her, but just I know she don't like when I talk family stuff just in general.

(23:35)
This is not, just to be clear, this is not about my mother, but I have an old school Italian family and there were members, maybe extended, maybe whatever, different people in the family that cater to ... It's like old school Italian where even they might cater to the males of a family, right? That can be in some of these older minded cultures, right? I'm trying to say this without saying too much, where we grow up kind of tiptoeing around the males in the family and they can put you down or belittle you or whatever, especially the girls or maybe the younger children. It depends on the family or dynamic, but you grow up feeling like you're not allowed to protect yourself, your peace. You're not allowed to stand up for yourself, right? You're kind of conditioned in this way. So that can also make you enter into unhealthy relationships because you view them as what's normal, because that's what you know.

(24:47)
But I want to let you know, no matter what kind of toxic shit you had to grow up with or toxic relationship you had or are in right now, protecting your peace, saying, "I don't want to be mistreated. I don't want to be dismissed. I don't want to feel like shit. I don't want to question myself. I don't want to be confused all the fucking time." It's not selfish. You're not being selfish by protecting yourself.

(25:23)
There is a huge difference. You're not trying to control anyone. You're not trying to be mean to anyone. You are literally protecting your mental health. And I get so mad I could just scream because it's so hard to watch so many people get really, really mind-fed by narcissists and made to think that requiring peace for yourself is selfish. That's what your condition. When you say, "No, I want peace. I don't want to be verbally abused. I don't want to be physically abused. I don't want to be manipulated. I don't want to be so confused because somebody has just twisted my mind up and I don't even know who I am anymore." That's not okay. And you're conditioned to think that that is selfish and I'm here to just remind you it's not. Okay? Major tangent was not on my little outline here. All right.

(26:50)
And this is a reminder in my notes here because I did get sidetracked eyed to go, "Wait, where was I? " This is also for your kids. So we're talking about co-parenting here. So you want to say, "Well, what about the kids?" And I want to have peace with the kids. The best thing in the world for your children is to watch you as a role model, because we know the other one probably isn't doing a great job as a role model. So yes, you have to step up. Does that mean be the bigger person and be overly charming and kiss a narc's ass? No.

(27:36)
It means find peace yourself in yourself. Find a way to not take the bait, to not be emotional, not because you're trying to appease them, but because you're trying to get your own peace. I mean, right in general, the best revenge is a happy life, a happy, peaceful life. Best revenge on anyone, but this isn't about revenge. This is about you recreating a life for yourself and your kids. They are watching you and you want children who are watching you and saying she wasn't mean, but she had peace and was happy and demanded peace around her. You can demand peace. I know you're not used to that word probably. Get used to it, baby. It looks good on you. Demand peace. That doesn't mean you're controlling anyone else. That doesn't mean you're telling someone even how to speak to you. It's telling someone, "If you speak to me like this, I'm going to walk the fuck out.

(28:56)
I'm going to hang up the phone." Other people can do what they want, but you're not going to allow it into your life. You're not going to allow their toxic energy. Picture it. All right. I want to picture yourself. I want you to picture yourself in a beautiful, glowing yellow bubble of peace. Okay? Just imagine that. And then you see that toxic Ema 10 feet away in a big cloud of black, smelly, stinky, pig pen-ass smoke coming off them. And you see them. Are you going to pop your bubble and let them in or are you going to keep that bubble up? That's your boundary. That's setting boundaries. You say, "You can come near me all you want. You can come as close as my boundary is, but you're not getting in here. And if you tried again in here, I'm going to walk away.

Why You Feel Too Much After Dealing With a Narcissist

Thu, 05 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0500

If you’ve ever wondered why you feel overwhelmed, reactive, emotional, or exhausted after dealing with a narcissist — this episode is for you.

So many women come out of narcissistic abuse believing something is wrong with them. That they’re “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “too much.” But what you’re experiencing isn’t a personality flaw — it’s a nervous system response.

In this episode, I explain why your body may still be on high alert long after the narcissist is gone, how emotional conditioning keeps you stuck in self-doubt, and why logic alone doesn’t stop these reactions. Most importantly, we talk about how to begin restoring safety inside your body so you can stop blaming yourself and start trusting yourself again.

You are not broken.
Your body learned how to survive.

Your Next Step in Healing

If your body still feels stuck in fight-or-flight — even when you know the narcissist was the problem — deeper support can make all the difference.

I offer three private coaching containers depending on the level of support you’re ready for:

Transformational Coaching – 3-Month Deep-Dive
A focused container to stabilize your nervous system, reduce emotional reactivity, and rebuild self-trust.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

Queens of Peace – 6-Month Coaching Container
For deeper nervous system healing, boundary integration, and identity rebuilding after narcissistic abuse.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Queens of Peace – 12-Month Coaching Container
For women ready to fully reclaim their peace, power, and sense of self long-term.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Questions or not sure where to start?
Email me directly at https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

• Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

• Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

• Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

3 Ways Narcissists Hijack Your Nervous System

Tue, 03 Feb 2026 06:00:00 -0500

If you’ve ever wondered why your body still panics—even when you know better—this episode is for you.
Narcissists don’t just manipulate conversations; they manipulate states like fear, urgency, guilt, and confusion. And once your nervous system is activated, logic goes offline.

In this episode, Christy breaks down three specific ways narcissists hijack your nervous system, why your reactions are not a failure, and how to begin calming your body so you can respond with clarity instead of spiraling. This is especially important for anyone co-parenting, navigating post-separation abuse, or dealing with a narcissistic parent or ex.

You’ll learn how nervous system hijacking actually works—and why healing isn’t about “being stronger,” but about safety, regulation, and self-trust.

Your Next Step in Healing
If interactions with a narcissist still send your body into panic or shutdown, 1:1 coaching offers personalized nervous-system-aware support, communication strategy, and boundary clarity—especially for high-conflict or co-parenting situations.
Email: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Coaching Container
Deep nervous system work, boundary integration, and identity rebuilding so you stop second-guessing yourself and start living from calm authority.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Coaching Container
Long-term healing for complex trauma, co-parenting, family narcissism, and post-separation abuse—supporting true, lasting regulation and peace.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

If you've ever thought, why am I still panicking when I know better? This episode is for you. Today, I'm going to break down three very specific ways narcissists hijack your nervous system so you can stop blaming yourself and start calming your body again. Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen. This one's for you. Alright, so welcome back. Let me say this clearly right out of the gates, if your body still reacts even after therapy, after setting your lovely boundaries and doing everything right, you are not failing. Your nervous system has been trained. So narcissists don't just manipulate conversations, right? They manipulate states. So states of fear, urgency, God, I hate that one. Guilt and confusion. So today we're not talking about just, oh, just ignore 'em or be stronger, right?

(01:19)
We're talking about how the hijacking actually happens and what helps you come back to safety. Alright? So the first way they use urgency to bypass your regulation, this one is very, very important and one that I didn't really learn about till later in my research. Education, knowledge, all of them, right? This urgency is something we all get conditioned to have. So it can be sneaky, it can be sudden texts, last minute demands, fake emergencies. I remember having some of those, like this needs to be handled right now or call me immediately. I've literally had a narcissist say, this is an emergency you need to pick up when I wouldn't pick up. And then it goes, you go, oh, okay. And then you find out it's not really an emergency, right? So urgency shuts down your thinking brain and activates what we are familiar with survival mode.

(02:33)
So your body doesn't ask, is this real? It asks, am I in danger? And once you respond from that place, the narcissist feels power again. So what do we do with all this, right? I can just, sorry, I'm just thinking back to that urgency feeling and how disruptive is right. So I just want to, I guess for solidarity sake right now, say I see you and I feel you in this space of urgency. And it's this just constant stress in your body that is feeling like everything's urgent and this fear of if you don't respond right away, if you don't do what they say, it's this tight chest tight neck. It literally changes your body, not just your mentally, but your body, your physiology. So one way to reframe it is that urgency does not mean importance. So what can help with this is before responding pause and orient, because you have to pull yourself out of this urgency.

(03:55)
You have to retrain, reframe your brain so that you don't feel stuck in this cycle. So orienting, I've talked about this on here before, but this really helps in these situations. So you can just pause wherever you are. This is great. You can do this tool anywhere. Name three things you can see. So I'll do an example right now that you don't have to think about it. This is non-thinking work. This is get in your body work. Okay, Queens, we need to get in our bodies way more. So how do we do that? Orienting is one step. So I'm looking at my beautiful floral picture. It always helps. I like to my eyes organically kind of gravitate towards the prettiest things in the room. So this beautiful, beautiful bouquet of flowers. So automatically I'm looking at that and remember to just kind of focus on the details, even if it's one detail.

(04:57)
There's just this one kind of magenta flower against the rest of the pastel. So I'm kind of just letting my gaze set on that and just observing that for a minute. And not even a whole minute, but a few seconds, 30 seconds. A second thing right now I'm looking at my flamingo. She's beautiful too, but what really crotches my eye is her glittering gold crown. Yes, I have a flamingo with a crown because how crispy is that, right? So I'm just letting my gaze settle on her crown and enjoying the reflecting light on the glitter as glitter is my favorite color all. And just kind of letting myself be present looking at that. And then I'm going to look another direction and I'm seeing a beautiful piece of artwork again, it's a different piece of artwork. I have a lot of artwork. I love art.

(06:00)
If you don't know that about me, now you do. And it's got some really beautiful teal shades in the background. And this also is a nice little cozy feeling because me and my stepsister and my daughter created this artwork together and it's just beautiful. So that's like an extra icing on the cake. If it is something beautiful or that has a nice story with it, but it doesn't have to be, it could just be like a couch cushion and you're just looking a little deeper into it, like the texture. So those are three things you can see, and you can name them out loud. You can say beautiful flowers, crazy old flamingo with the crown, gorgeous teal background of the painting, right? Then you put your feet on the floor, okay? Because this is, you want to get grounded. So you're getting present, you're getting grounded, noticing you're right here in this moment. Your feet are here on the ground, you are here.

(07:12)
And slow your breath. Inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth. That's called a halo breath. Inhale through your nose and out your mouth, okay? And then ask, is this truly urgent or just activating? Now my example where that person said this is an emergency. Of course, when we have children, let's say your child is at their house, you are of course, no matter what, that's going to feel urgent, be urgent until the true story, whether it is or not. So you do have to respond to something like that. But there's a lot of examples, and you probably can already think of some that aren't truly based on urgency, right? So if they're saying, I want to know if blah, blah, blah, but it's really not that urgent, but they make it feel urgent. They have a tendency to get that control and that power over you. And you go, is this really urgent or is it activating? Or is it just what I've been taught to respond like this? Alright, so number two, another way is they weaponize tone not content. So here's why their message messages mess with you even when they're reasonable.

(08:45)
And that other people, I feel like we're always like, oh, other people don't see it, of things like that where it seems reasonable, but you know that you can see the difference or hear the difference. So it's not what they say, it's how they often say it. But that sarcasm, a kind of cold politeness. If you know subtle digs, maybe not so subtle digs, but we're talking about the more subtle things and concern that feels threatening. So your nervous system remembers who you are and how they make you feel, how it makes your body feel with their tone, with their actions, all of that, your body remembers, right? That's why we do somatic work, which I'll talk about in a little bit. Not just the words. It's not just the words, it's the whole energy around it. So that's why you reread their messages over and over.

(09:54)
I know you've done that. That's why your chest tightens that neck. Like oh, it's just everything the muscles contract in your body and that's why you spiral. The mental spiral is real. So you're not dramatic, you're conditioned. Okay, so with this one, what helps read the message once and identify the category, not the emotion. Okay, is it logistics? Is it information, useful information? Maybe, maybe not. Is it bait? Are they baiting you? Right? And so you respond only to the category, not the tone. Is it logistics with picking up your child? Don't take the bait part of it, just respond with an answer if you need to yet two o'clock, whatever time you agreed upon whatever it is, or is it just bait? Often it can just be bait. Now why would you do X, Y, Z? There's no real question in there. That is a bait question.

(11:21)
If it's something they do not need to know. And those are very common bait questions or bait guilt trips. Oh, so I'm the bad guy, I try to help you out. Look what you do. There's no need to respond to that at all, right? So you're responding to the category, yes, you're going to respond if it's some information that you need to give or obviously something that information needs to be figured out or whatever, if it's about your child or something like that. So way number three, they pull you into self-doubt. Not my favorite either. None of these are, this is the most damaging one. I will say that. I mean that urgency can be so triggering, but the self-doubt one is where that longer term damage really, it really does happen from this, right? So they'll provoke you, react as many people would, and then you'll beat yourself up maybe about it, right? Why did I respond? Why am I still affected? I get this question so much from my clients, why am I still affected? Am I ruining this for my kids? So there's a shame loop there and it keeps your nervous system stuck. But here's the truth, your reaction is not a character flaw, it's a protective response that hasn't been updated yet.

(13:12)
It's still working back there. It's a protection that needs a little refresh. So what helps in this situation, after any interaction, you can say this, my body reacted because it learned this pattern for survival. I'm safe now. My body reacted because it learned this pattern for survival. I'm safe now and often with my clients in this somatic world, when we go on our little somatic journeys together, this stuff will come up and we will rewire that part, part of the brain that's thinking, oh, I'm still not safe. I'm still not safe. We go into that world and rewire so that we can feel safe again. So after that, you can do something regulating like take a walk, stretch. Oh, the power of YouTube. Do you know how many stretches Pilates, yoga, dance is on there? Unlimited. So there's no excuse. You can't literally, you don't have to do a 30 minute video.

(14:29)
Just move your body. Move your body. I'm telling you, moving your body really is so healing. Okay, another one, and I just did this with my client the other day. She messaged me on Voxer. If you don't know what Voxer is, it's like a walkie-talkie app and we can walkie-talkie or text back and forth through the app. And my long-term ongoing clients get this bonus with their packages where in between calls we get to walkie-talkie, we get to Voxer. It's so fun. One of my favorite things and she was just like having a moment and I said, okay, for this specific thing, and there's different things and you also, there's many methods and tools. We can talk about that in another episode. So for this specific client and what was going on, I knew that the cold water would be a really good one, cold water on the wrists.

(15:31)
So I said, go run your wrist under really cold water and tell me how you feel after. And she felt better. It worked. So now she can use that as a tool. That's something that worked for her and it works for a lot of people, but maybe it won't work exactly for you. There's plenty of other tools. So if you aren't a big fan of cold water, we'll find something else. And then there's always breath work. We call it breath work, but really it's just breathing, slow breathing. There's so many different ways. I actually am certified in breath work, so I know all the different breathing patterns and breathwork patterns and my favorite is the halo in through the nose, out through the mouth. I just love that one to regulate the nervous system. But you do what feels best for you. I always use my favorites with clients or even on these podcasts, but this is about learning what works for you too. You get to say, I'm more comfortable just breathing in and out my mouth or in and out just my nose or taking super long inhale and just a little inhale. Is that a new word? Exhale.

(16:46)
So just don't forget that this work has to work for you. You have to be comfortable. So just a little reminder. But yeah, so doing any of those regulating actions, walking, stretching, cold water, breath work, even just popping on some Britney Spears, I don't know if that's maybe not one of her videos right now where she's doing crazy things with knives, but you get my drift. Something that brings you joy and where you can move your body. So an important little reminder, your kids don't need a perfect unbothered parent. They need emotional honesty and safety, showing them how to calm their bodies after stress and being a role model, being a role model for them, saying, I'm taking the time to heal and take care of myself. Obviously they don't need to know all the ins and outs of what's happened with your ex and all of that, but showing them in general when you are in a dysregulated space saying, you know what? There's tools for this. I'm not going to ignore it and try to be a hero. I'm going to be a hero by actually saying, oh, my body's dysregulated, so I'm going to take a few moments to myself, right? This is teaching them resilience, not weakness.

(18:23)
You absolutely have to take care of yourself to keep moving forward, get burnt, crispy, fried. That can happen after narcissistic abuse especially. We are resilient ERs. Can I get a what in the back? Yes. Okay, good. Thank you. Alright, so you're not failing, you're not weak, you're not too sensitive. I know you've been told that by that lovely narcissist. I'm sure you're not. You are unlearning a nervous system pattern that was not your fault. It was someone else. Controlling and manipulating and conditioning you and healing doesn't mean that you'll never ever react again. It means you come back to yourself faster. We were born with emotions. We're supposed to have emotions. We have them, right? I'm like, yeah, God said, let there be anger, let there be joy. Let there be all the feelings.

(19:26)
He could have tucked a couple of those back in his pocket. But here we are with all of them and we're supposed to have them. And a lot of them help us to know, well, let's say fear, right? We have fear to protect us. We have anger to be able to express ourselves, but it is being able to get back to the grounded part of us way more quickly than when we have been through abuse and we are triggered and we are scared and we are still in survival mode. We have to be more regulated. We've got to get that back. And that's when you start to feel the joy, the peace, the calm again, if you can even imagine.

(20:19)
And with less shame, less guilt. We don't like those words around here. We're going to stomp 'em. Okay? So if co-parenting or dealing with a narcissist keeps hijacking your piece, my one-on-one coaching is for nervous system aware support and strategy. So if you are somebody, I have a lot of co-parents, I have people who have narcissists in their family and they have to deal with them, but they're not living with them actively. Usually it's someone that they can keep a space with because I really work with people who are ready to regulate their nervous system and not be really intertwined with the narcissist, if that makes sense. If we're co-parenting, that's a different story. Many of my clients are because they are forced to, but they are on the journey to really getting not entangled other than what they absolutely have to. And that's where a part of my specialty lies, how to navigate that.

(21:31)
So there's that. There's the copy paste piece scripts, and if words are your biggest trigger, you have trouble with knowing what to say. I have those and my Empowered Boundaries course for the full boundaries system covering all your boundaries. If you get nervous about setting boundaries or you don't know how to keep them or you're nervous about what to do if someone pushes back, it's all in there. And there is a free boundaries pocket guide. If you're just starting, this is a great place to start. But the one-on-one coaching, if you know want to sign up, I have three, six, and 12 month options for you. I do occasionally do one-off calls, so you can email me if you're interested in that. I don't promote that as much anymore. That's like if you really just don't understand and you want to get a better idea of what's involved with the coaching and the somatic healing.

(22:37)
And so I can tell you briefly, the coaching obviously is how to navigate all of this on a logistical way and I will give tips and methods and whatever. And the somatic healing part is we actually go on little somatic journeys. And that can be, I mean it's more than meditation, it is nervous system calibration and balancing, rewiring the brain, going to childhood stuff where we go back and into the childhood vortex. We're not going and going into very long elaborate triggering traumatic sessions here. This is usually at the most a half hour, usually less. It's a whole hour long call, but usually it is less than a half hour of the actual journeying. And it can involve so much and that's why we could have a call if you want to get more details. But it's really recalibrating your nervous system through different methods, right?

(23:56)
It's through the body. Somatic means body. So we are healing your body. It's remembered everything. The body is kind of not caught up with the brain. You might say, I know that I shouldn't worry about this. Why is my body still viscerally reacting when I see a text message from this person? So we get to go in and heal that part on a somatic level, a deeper level. I mean the mind is a deep place too, but on a deeper level as far as the body and the cells and regeneration and rewiring, it's amazing work. It's mind blowing. That's why I do it. My favorite thing. Alright, so if you're interested in that, either signup, if you know you want to do that, there are signup links for all three packages, check them out. You can read more details in there too. Or if you'd like to jump on a one-on-one call, it's like an intake call.

(24:56)
So that's like if you're pretty sure you want to do it, but you just want more information. And that's where I can take more of your information to get your story and share about in more detail what we would do together. So there's also that you can email me if you're interested in that. My email and those links are always in the show notes. So the show notes are always in the episodes. And I believe on the main page of whatever podcast, you're listening to this as well, but if you go right to the episode page, everything will be in that description box. Okay? So remember, Thursdays are Thrivent five always related to Tuesday's episode, and they're shorter episodes. We do little somatic healing tools and all of that fun. So those are great to save and use later too. You can always go back to them.

(25:51)
So they're a good resource. This is an ongoing journey healing. It's not like a one and done. There has been some damage, but guess what? That doesn't mean you are damaged. That doesn't mean you cannot heal, which so many people come to me feeling like that. And I love why I do this work is watching them come in feeling helpless and being done, whether it's 3, 6, 12 months. The transformation is obviously more and more the longer you do the program. But even after three months, the transformation, the transitions, the healings that people have is just incredible and it's just beautiful work. So obviously I'm a big fan, but I will also follow, so you get my episodes right? Look at the, it should say follow, I believe wherever you are on whatever platform, follow or subscribe or something you don't miss my next episode, which will be Thursday and all of the fun episodes.

(26:58)
And I'd love you to email me with episode ideas that you have. I'm here for you. What would you like to learn more of? I know there's a lot of information already. I don't even know, 200 episodes or something. Two 50. And I just reached 200,000 downloads, which thank you. I'm so glad. See, it's hard. I'm not glad it resonates because that means a lot of people go through this stuff, which is hell. But I'm so glad that I'm able to help that many people. That's just insane to me. And I'm so grateful that I get to do this work. I really am. So thank you for supporting and listening and being a part of that. I recently hit 200,000 downloads, so it's awesome. So yes, reach out with any questions or just introduce yourself. I love to hear from you guys. So send an email, say hello, ask a question, suggest an episode, topic, whatever. I'm there. And also join my Facebook group. It's a private group for women and it's women who have gone through this abuse and are just like you. There's unfortunately a lot of us out there, but we can kind of be in solidarity together in the Facebook world. And so join that, and I will talk to you in the next episode. All right, love you. Bye.

You’re Gonna Laugh — And Then You’ll See Exactly How Narcissists Act

Thu, 29 Jan 2026 06:00:00 -0500

Sometimes healing doesn’t start with heavy insight — it starts with a laugh.

In today’s Thrive in Five, Christy shares a light, humor-filled episode inspired by a conversation with her daughter about how dogs can surprisingly mirror narcissistic behavior. While this episode is playful, the patterns it highlights are very real — and often the same ones survivors were conditioned to normalize in toxic relationships.

This episode offers a nervous-system-friendly way to recognize narcissistic traits without shame, overwhelm, or self-blame. If you’ve ever laughed at something and then thought, “Wait… why does that feel familiar?” — this one’s for you.

In this short episode, you’ll notice:

Why constant attention is not the same as connection
How selective listening shows up in narcissistic dynamics
What boundary violations really signal (and why they’re not your fault)
Why love-bombing feels confusing but familiar
How emotional regulation often gets unfairly placed on you

This episode is meant to be a collective exhale — because awareness doesn’t always have to come from pain.

Your Next Step in Healing
If humor helps you see patterns, boundaries help you change them.
Download the Boundaries Pocket Guide to learn how to protect your peace without guilt or over-explaining.
👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Work With Christy 1:1

3-Month Coaching Container
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6-Month Coaching Container
For rebuilding self-trust, boundaries, and identity after narcissistic abuse.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Coaching Container
Deep integration, long-term support, and lasting transformation.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts: https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/
Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

Contact: 00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Okay, so I was joking the other day about how my dog is such a narcissist and my daughter was like, you should totally do an episode on how dogs are like narcissists. And I thought it was funny, but then I was like, you know what? Things are pretty heavy in the world right now. There's a lot going on. We could all use a little chuckle. So here it is, a little Christy humor today, but there is some real nuggets you can also take away from today's episode. So to be clear, this is a jokey episode, but stay with me because humor is sometimes the safest way to see patterns we've been trained to ignore.

(01:01)
Alright, so sign number one that the dog is maybe a narcissist. The constant need for attention, your dog will stare at you, not blink, just stare until you acknowledge them. The translation is narcissists need constant attention, validation, reassurance, and emotional energy. Or they get very dysregulated like our little pups. A reminder though, the attention isn't connection, real connection does not require you to perform on the in the narc sense of things, right? In the human narc sense of things. Sign number two, selective listening. So your dog can hear a cheese wrapper from, I don't know, three rooms away, but come here, come here. I just had this happen two days ago with mine. Come here. I have a little Maltese cutest thing ever, but that guy doesn't listen unless he wants cheese, but nothing. I called him four times. Little guy was like, Nope. Because he knew I didn't have anything for him that he wanted at the moment, right? Translation, narcissists, hear what benefits them and ignore what doesn't. Especially your needs, feelings or boundaries. And the reminder for this consistently not hearing you isn't confusion. It's prioritization, right? All right, sign three zero. Respect for boundaries. Okay, bathroom time. Anyone, this is kind of like toddlers too, but dogs, your lap, there's your bed. Also theirs. The translation is narcissists feel entitled to your space, your time, your energy and access. Because boundaries feel like rejection to them.

(03:04)
Do you know that? It's always about them. So if you have boundary for yourself, they're going to make it about them anyway. So the reminder, someone reacting badly to a boundary doesn't mean the boundary is wrong. Sign number four, love bombing. Your dog ignores you all day, then suddenly you grab your keys and they're obsessed with you and no, no, mommy, don't go. Does that sound familiar? The translation narcissists turn on affection when they sense distance or loss of control, not because they've changed narcissists, don't change. Reminder, consistency is the green flag. Intensity is not. We need our people, our partners, to show up consistently. Not just like, ooh, they just have that passionate fire and then it's just gone. They also punish us with that silent treatment. Abuse, the regular. Alright, sign number five. You are expected to regulate their emotions. Your dog is anxious, overstimulated, reactive. Somehow it's your job to manage that

(04:34)
Translation. With narcissist. You end up soothing, explaining, fixing, calming while they avoid accountability. Be with a dog. It's kind of okay. And all these things might be okay with the dog, but we're talking about comparing it to the narcissist. Human reminder. In this case, you are not required to regulate someone else's emotions to be loved unless they're furry and eight pounds and cued as a button. So obviously dogs are innocent, narcissists are not. But humor helps us notice the patterns without the shame. So if this made you laugh and go, oh wow, hey, that's some awareness. And awareness is where healing actually starts. All right, so happy thrive in five Thursday. I hope you enjoyed this. Just fun little escape. I dunno, I felt like we needed to just have a little pivot of silliness. If you don't know me very well, you will find I am a silly one.

(05:42)
A little wild, little outspoken. And I love dogs. But do I love narcissists? No I don't. So are dogs really narcissists? No. But if they were humans, they maybe would be good thing they're dogs. Alright, so I hope you enjoyed this episode. And don't forget to join my Facebook fam. I have a private Facebook group of women with women just like you that are members and it is private. There are questions to get in. Please fill those out. That is to make sure we are all nice and safe and there's no bots or crazy people, narcissists, furry dogs in our group. And also if you want to work on it, I do make healing fun in many ways. Ask my clients, we can have fun and we also get some major healing done. And if you want that, go check out my show notes. I have the ways to work one-on-one with me and there's my boundaries course.

(06:45)
If you're a little more hands off right now and you just want to do an at your own pace course, that is a great option as well. And then there's a couple freebies always listed in there that you can do like my Pocket Boundaries, I can't even think of the name of it, but it's beautiful, it's fun and it's free. So that's in there. And as always, don't forget to follow and subscribe on whatever platform you're listening to this. Go to my main page and hit follow so you don't miss another episode because there's so many, they're not all off topic talking about dogs and crazy stuff. So dig into some more serious ones and get some more healing. This is a long game. I always say it's so weird because it's a long game, but we get so much done so quickly because there is a lot of healing to do when you have the damage done from a narcissist.

(07:45)
So there's a lot, but we get so much done so quickly, especially obviously in my one-on-ones sessions. Those are weekly. By the way, someone did ask me the other day how frequently the calls are. We have one-on-one calls once a week. It's great. And that's a mix of coaching and somatic healing, which is healing from the body because our body stores everything it does, it keeps it in there. So this is a way to heal. But just even the podcasts, I have tons of emails every week coming in saying how the podcasts alone when they have binged them, have helped them get out of relationships or start to see things they never saw before. And also in parallel or and heal from that start really healing their body and getting these tools to use in everyday life. So that's the thrive in fives those tools.

(08:43)
And then obviously Tuesdays are my longer episodes. We dive into more of the meat, we get a little deeper and really on the why's, the how's the why did this happen? We got a lot of those questions. Why did this happen? How do I navigate co-parenting? My parents this? All of those are in the Tuesdays and then we do little somatic healings on Thursdays, which that ongoing getting that knowledge mixed with the tools is going to set you up for healing with or without that one-on-one. Obviously the one-on-one is like you want transformation even faster and you want it customized, that's your jam, right? So find the healing that is best for you. There are literally options for any space you are in. Any financial situation you are in there is something for you. And if you have questions on anything, you can email me. My email is always in the show notes too. So find that or sign up for one-on-one sign for the Facebook page and I'll see you in the next episode.

Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Will Set You Free TOP EPISODE

Tue, 27 Jan 2026 06:00:00 -0500

Feel like you know they’re toxic but still feel emotionally hooked? This deep cord-cutting is your sacred reset. Release the energetic ties, reclaim your peace, and feel lighter—fast.

✨ Press play, Queen. Your freedom starts now.

Narcissistic Abuse Coaching 1:1 Intake Session

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Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

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Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk Speaker 1 (00:00):

All right, this episode is for saving, and you can go back to it over and over and over and over again. You might need it. Sometimes we do cord cuttings and they do work immediately. A hundred percent. I have had that happen with one of mine, one of my narcissist cord cuttings, another one where it was someone I had known a lot longer and deeper relationship with. It took somewhat longer a few times, and then sometimes it feels good to just do it if you have any sort of feeling like come back, right? Because nothing's foolproof, like, oh my God, you're never going to think about this person or worry about this person again in your life, right? But I promise you, there is energetic entanglement that does get separated when you do these cord cutting. So stay close. Wait for my amazing intro and then you'll be back. And we're going to dive deep into this cord cutting from a narcissist.

(01:07)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and drive ice and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you, so steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.

(02:05)
Alright, welcome, queen. I am so excited for this episode because these have helped me so much. Oh my gosh. Let me just describe real quick. One of my favorite cord cuttings was from someone I knew from a very, very long time ago, and I was really worried. I had cut them out of my life and was like, this is going to be so hard. So right away, I'm going to do a cord cutting, and I had done cord cuttings before. That's so I had experience with them, so I knew to just do it right away. And I did a cord cutting. It was very powerful. I had some emotions come up. It was a 20 minute one just like this. And the I don't know, difference. It was really night and day right after. And I can't promise you everyone is going to have exact same results, but I do promise you will have some result and feel a change, even if it's a small one.

(03:09)
It also depends on how open you are and what you believe. I always say you got to have faith for things to happen. That's just my personal beliefs about a lot of things. But this worked so well for me, especially with that one person. Other ones, like I said earlier, that it might take a little bit longer or a few times. So it depends. Everyone's different. So give it time, give yourself grace, but you will have some transformation of some sort, and definitely save this, save this, save this. Okay, so let's just take a breath for a second. Okay? This is your sacred space here where we're going to do this cutting. This is your moment to realize what no longer serves you. That doesn't mean you're selfish, just means there's something that it's not even just not serving you. It is doing damage to you.

(04:11)
So to cut the energetic cords that have kept you tangled in pain, confusion, the chaos of narcissistic abuse, right? We don't want to stay in that spiderweb of hell. So you are safe here in this moment. You are powerful here. You have the power right here. You are coming home to you. So I invite you to take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale. This is the beginning of your new found freedom. Okay? When you feel ready, close your eyes. We're going to do a little breath work to start. Bring both hands to your heart and make sure you are in a quiet space where you will be uninterrupted. Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. These are called halo breaths, and they're my favorite. Again, inhale peace.

(05:30)
Exhale tension. Feel your body sink. Sink into whatever piece of furniture floor is supporting you, knowing this is your time. Let your shoulders drop. Unclench your jaw, soften your belly. Now breathe into your heart space. Visualize a soft golden light glowing in the center of your chest, expanding gently with every breath. This is your power center, your intuition, your truth. Now, I want you to imagine standing in a wide open space. It's safe, it's sacred, it's protected before you, and I'm here with you. You're not alone. You're safe before you stand. The image of the narcissist you are cutting ties with, they're only here as a symbol. Okay? You're safe. You're in full control here. They cannot hurt you here.

(07:18)
Now, look down between you and this narcissist. There is an energetic cord. What does it look like to you? Is it thick, thin, frayed tight? Is it glowing? Is it dark? Just observe this cord without judgment. There's no right or wrong. It just is what it is. Just be with this cord. This cord has been connected through pain, guilt, trauma, obligation, maybe even love of some sort, familial, romantic friendship, love. But now it's time to release this court. Release these things that you've been carrying, not because you hate, but because you love yourself enough to let go. And I'm going to repeat that because you love yourself enough to let go.

(08:47)
It's time to let go. Take a moment now to feel into what this connection has cost you. This might bring up some feelings. Just let them rise up. It's okay. Don't push them away. Just let them bubble up and say these affirmations quietly or aloud after me so you can say them in your mind or speak them out loud. Whatever you are comfortable with, I will say them first and give you time to repeat and go on to the next one. I acknowledge the pain this bond has brought. I acknowledge the way I've ded myself to stay connected.

(09:50)
I acknowledge the confusion, the fear, and the self-doubt that's lived in this cord. I acknowledge that I am done, done, shrinking, done, doubting, done carrying energy that is not mine. Now we are getting to the cutting of the cord. Visualize yourself holding a powerful tool of your choice. This may be scissors, a golden sword with some diamonds. That's what I'm using, a beam of light, a torch. Whatever feels strong yet sacred to you. Okay, you've got that in your mind's eye. Raise that tool toward the cord. Now we're going to breathe in deeply through the nose. And on your exhale, you're going to swiftly cut the cord.

(11:30)
Exhale, cutting the cord. Now watch it. Watch it fall away. Watch the image of that narcissist, dissolve, disintegrate. Feel your energy shift. Feel it. How does that feel? The lightness in your chest, the strength in your belly, that power and the peace that begins to bloom. Sit in this moment. Let yourself really enjoy this. Tears may come up, confidence may come up. Things you have been sitting on and squishing down may rise. There is a shift. There has been a shift in you. Now say aloud, I'll say it. And then you can repeat after me. I release you.

(12:45)
I forgive what I need to for my own healing. I do not need closure. I create my own. The cord is cut, the pattern is broken. The cycle ends with me. Beautiful. Now we're going to seal and protect your energy. So when you feel ready, bring your hands back to your heart. Imagine that golden light in your chest expanding again, but now it begins to wrap around you like a cocoon. This is your shield, your golden shield. No one gets access unless you allow it. Right? You're in control. Repeat after me. I reclaim my energy.

(14:18)
I call back every piece of me I gave away. I am whole. I am protected. I am safe in my own body, in my own power. Sit and feel that power for a moment. Breathe it in. Feel nice and strong. Balance that crown on your head, queen. Now visualize roots growing from the soles of your feet down into the earth. You can even picture some golden roots. Notice I like gold. You are grounded, you are anchored, yet you are free. Isn't that an amazing feeling? From here, I invite you to picture your future, the embodiment of you in your future. Feel it. You are light, you are free, you are rising.

(15:59)
From this moment forward, the cord remains cut. It cannot reattach. You have already shifted. You've chosen by doing this here today. You have chosen your freedom. Repeat after me. I trust the healing has begun. I trust the Holy Spirit God, or maybe just your higher self is guiding me. I walk in peace. I walk in power, and I never look back. Take one more deep breath through your nose. Exhale. And when you're ready, gently bring awareness back to your body. Wiggle your fingers, roll your shoulders. Do some hip swerves, whatever feels good. And when you are ready, slowly open your eyes.

(17:44)
You did something truly powerful today. You don't know anyone. Access to your energy, right? You're allowed to walk away without guilt. You are allowed to protect your own peace. You're allowed to be free. If you found this helpful, make sure to definitely follow the podcast for more healing tools. Thursdays, we do thrive. Thrive to five, I almost said that's not it. Five to thrive. So there are shorter healing methods. And generally on Tuesdays, they're my full episodes. This is kind of a rare one where I'm doing a whole episode related to an actual embodied exercise. But I have been asked to do this several times, so I'm finally doing it. So this is that deeper dive. And last week I did put out a shorter version. If you just want to a quick fix, you can always do that. And if you ever need a full personalized cord cutting, definitely email me.

(18:58)
All of my information is always in the description notes. Do not forget to go over there if you want to work with me or purchase my boundaries course, which is amazing. I'm a little biased. Yes I am. But I love it. And I have many, many happy clients that have gone through the boundaries course and have told me all of their amazing shifts in their lives where they have gone from people pleasers to loving themselves, drawing boundaries without guilt, and had really amazing results. Right? So I hope you enjoyed this today. You are not alone. You are rising up like the queen you are. And I will see you in the next episode.

Boundaries Aren’t Mean They’re Your Nervous System’s Safety Plan

Thu, 22 Jan 2026 06:00:00 -0500

If guilt hits the second you set a boundary, it’s easy to think you did something wrong. But in narcissistic or emotionally unsafe dynamics, guilt often shows up because you finally did something right: you protected your peace.

In today’s Thrive in Five, we’re talking about why boundaries feel so hard after emotional abuse, how your nervous system connects “saying no” with danger, and the simple mindset shift that makes boundaries easier to hold.

You’ll also learn a 3-part boundary formula you can use immediately — without over-explaining, defending, or getting pulled into a debate.

This episode is for you if you’re ready to stop negotiating your needs and start building real emotional safety in your life.

Your Next Step in Healing

If you’re ready to stop second-guessing yourself and start holding boundaries without spiraling, I can help.

✨ 3-Month Coaching Container
Focused support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and begin rebuilding peace and self-trust.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

✨ 6-Month Coaching Container
Extended support to deepen the work, practice boundaries in real life, and integrate new patterns with consistency.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free):
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Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts:
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen. This one's for you. What'd you think? That was me doing my sound test. What? And I feel too lazy tonight to edit it out, so you get to hear it. That's my sound test. Oh, my lighting is trash if you're on YouTube. Sorry. Sorry for you. My lighting is trash. I just put all these eyedrops in that probably are making my makeup a mess, but here I am. What do you get with Christie Jade? You get authenticity at its finest. All right. So today in our Thrivent five, we're talking about boundaries. They aren't mean. They're your nervous systems. Safety plan. All right? So if you feel guilty every time you set a boundary, you're not too sensitive, you're not bad at boundaries.

(01:20)
You're trained to believe that protecting yourself is wrong. And today we are going to break that programming. Yes, we are. I love a good cycle breakage, right? All right. So here's the truth. A lot of women don't struggle with boundaries because they don't know what to say. They struggle because their body believes that a boundary equals danger. We've been conditioned that way. I hate conditioning, don't you? For the birds. Let the birds go have the conditionedness. What? I'm making up words now. So maybe in your past when you said no, you got punished. This could be childhood. This could be previous relationship, whatever. Maybe you got guilt tripped. I'm all too familiar with the guilt trippings. Maybe you got iced out, the silent treatment or the straight rage, which we know a lot of narcissists do serve as a lovely punishment. Or you got that fine.

(02:26)
Do whatever you want. Energy where you're like, "Oh, great. What does that mean? That doesn't really mean fine." Yeah. So your nervous system learned. If I have needs, I lose connection. Let that sink in. We've been conditioned. If I have needs, I lose the connection, the connection you hope to have with somebody. So let me give you a reframe that changes everything. Okay? Hear me out. Maybe get a little notepad, write it down on a little post-it. A boundary isn't a demand. Okay? It's not trying to control someone else. A boundary is simply what you will do to keep yourself safe. And don't we? We all deserve safety. Can I get a what, what? Yes. We all deserve safety. So a boundary is just what you will do to keep yourself safe. It doesn't have to be about controlling somebody else. It's about what you're doing for you.

(03:32)
So it's not, you need to respect me. It's, if you speak that way to me, I will end the conversation. It's not you need to stop texting me at night. It's, "Hey, after 7:00 PM, I can't respond or I won't be responding." Okay? It's not, "You need to understand why I feel this way." It's, "I don't need you to understand. I need you to stop.

(04:07)
I don't need you to understand." So here's a simple three part boundary that works even with those difficult people. Okay? So the decision, number one, is I'm not available for this. It's the decision. Number two is the limit. This looks like I will not continue this conversation if it becomes disrespectful. So you've decided and you're setting a limit and then the follow through. If it happens again, I'm going to hang up, I'm going to leave, I'm going to mute you physically. No, I'm just kidding. Or ending this. That could be a relationship if it gets to that point. So going through them again, the decision, the limit, and then the follow through. And the magic isn't just in the words, it's in you doing it. I always say with my clients, you've got to stick to your word. You've got to be consistent. Okay? So let's talk about the part nobody prepares you for, which is the guilt wave.

(05:17)
We so fun because guilt isn't, it's not proof you're doing something wrong. It's proof you're doing something new. So that guilt, it's like a discomfort. So it can be like a withdrawal. You're detoxing from being the version of you that was easy to control. Remember her?

(05:42)
Right? And still might have some strings attached to her. So pulling away from that, it might feel wrong and uncomfortable, right? And you've been conditioned to feel guilty for not doing everything the narcissists want, being at their beck and call, right? All of that. So when this guilt shows up, I want you to say, "This discomfort is the cost of my freedom." This discomfort is the cost of my freedom. You want to be free, you're going to have to get a little uncomfortable because you weren't free, so you're not going to feel comfortable with freedom right away. It sucks. That's kind of how it works. That's why you work with a therapist or a coach, somatic healer, like yours truly somebody who gets narcissism and somebody who can help support you through the transition of being not free to finding that freedom and being able to live comfortably in that freedom.

(06:53)
It's a little layered, but you can do it. I promise. Okay? And then you breathe. This discomfort, this is what you should write down if anything, this episode. This discomfort is the cost of my freedom. You want freedom? You getting it, baby. All right? So here's your Thrivent five little boundary practice today. Okay? I want you to pick one sentence and practice it out loud five times. Out loud. Yes. I know. It's awkward. I'm an awkward lady. Welcome. Welcome to Christie Jade. We're going to do it anyway. So you can choose one of these.

(07:34)
No, that doesn't work for me. I'm not available for that. I'm going to think about it and get back to you. I'm not discussing this. If this continues, I'm ending the conversation. Okay? Those are some good, solid examples of boundary setting. And our goal isn't to sound nice. And I don't mean that like our goal is to sound mean either, right? But it's just to sound certain because when a narcissist smells the wobbly bobbly that you've been, the uncertainty that you have, the lack of confidence, when they smell that, they know that boundary's bullshit and you're not going to hold to it. You've got to first talk to yourself in the mirror, telling yourself these things, prep in, and then say them in whatever situation you need to this week, I'm not discussing this. You don't have to be mean. You don't have to be nice.

(08:38)
You be neutral. Don't get your emotions involved. That's a big part of the Gray Rock method. Go check out that episode of mine if you haven't checked it out. Gray Rock Method is huge here. And this is an example of it. It's a boundary, but it's also not taking the bait, not getting emotional, keeping it simple and clear. And firm, you don't have to be mean. We're not here yelling at people. We're not getting all lamped up. Very, very, excuse me, very calm, very simple. We're not adding anything to these sentences. We're saying, "I'm not available for that, " or, "I'm not discussing this. " Or, and I've used this one myself, plenty. If this continues, I'm going to have to end the conversation. I can even stick and I love you in there. If this is someone in your family, a family member, look, I love you, but if this continues, I'm going to have to hang up the phone.

(09:37)
That's it. Not me, not nice, just certain. The uncertainty, it invites the negotiation and we're not here for that. We've got to get away from negotiating with a narcissist. It's awful. Certainty ends that discussion. You're just saying, "This is it. These are the facts." Okay. And here's the little mic drop of the ep. All right? I love this and I've said this on here before, but I'm going to say it again. The people who benefit most from you having no boundaries will call you selfish when you finally get some.

(10:18)
They don't like you not having boundaries because it doesn't benefit them anymore, right? Healthy people respect your boundaries. Unhealthy, toxic, narcissists, whatever, abusers, manipulators, they're not going to like your boundaries and they'll flip it on you, call you selfish, you're cold, or demanding. Let them, let them. Okay? Your peace is not up for debate anymore. All right? So if you want support actually holding boundaries without spiraling, check the links in the show notes. There's all the fun little ways to work with me and there's a boundaries course. If you're into courses and you can come hang out with me and other women like you in my Facebook community, that is private. You have to answer some questions to get in there because I want to keep it a safe space. So yes, we're going to make sure you're a real human and all of that good stuff.

(11:18)
So it's just a couple questions and then you can join the community and we can have discussions in there. Meet like- minded people. And remember, keep that chin up. Let's do a little affirmation action to close this out. All right, repeat after me.

(11:37)
I am amazing at setting boundaries. My peace is not up for debate because I'm a queen. Yeah, you are. Yes, you are. All right. So just a reminder, Tuesday episodes are my longer episodes and whatever topic they are, the following Thursdays are the Thrive in Fives where we do these shorter episodes to kind of support those Tuesday episodes with a little somatic fun or like we did here today, maybe some scripts, just like quick little tips on Thursdays. So definitely do not forget to follow me on whatever platform you're on, whatever podcast platform you're on. Find the follow button and follow so you get notifications.This is like some good stuff we're doing here and it's not like a one-time job, right? This is ongoing maintenance. You are a car that is healing and getting fixed up. You're not broken, but you know what I mean.

(12:47)
And so what you consume really helps you. So if you're trying to heal, the more of this you consume, the more tips you get every week. It's like accountability for yourself. So definitely follow me. Other helpful podcasts. Make sure the stuff you're pulling in is healthy, healthy, peaceful stuff that can help you. Okay? So don't forget to follow. And I will see you on Tuesday for our next episode. Love you, bye.

Boundaries With a Narcissist : Why Explaining Yourself Makes It Worse (And What to Say Instead)

Tue, 20 Jan 2026 18:25:19 -0500

If you’re trying to set boundaries with a narcissist and it keeps turning into an argument, you’re not doing it wrong — you’re just dealing with someone who treats your boundary like a debate.

In this episode, I’m breaking down why explaining yourself often makes things worse with toxic people, how over-explaining becomes emotional ammunition, and what to say instead so your boundary is short, clear, and unshakable.

You’ll learn how to stop trying to be understood by someone committed to misunderstanding you — and start protecting your peace in a way that actually works.

Your Next Step in Healing
If you’re ready to stop over-explaining, hold the line without guilt, and build boundaries that actually stick, coaching is where we do this together in real life — with real scripts, real support, and real nervous system safety.

✨ 6-Month Coaching Container
Extended support to deepen the work, practice boundaries in real life, and integrate new patterns with consistency.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

✨ 12-Month Coaching Container
Long-term mentorship and steady support while you rebuild your identity, raise your standards, and create a life that finally feels like yours.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources
✨ Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free): https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
✨ Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts: https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/
✨ Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
✨ Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

Contact
fiercemamac@gmail.com

Coming Up Next
More tools for high-conflict communication, protecting your peace, and staying grounded when toxic people push back.

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Where did I go? I can't see myself. All right, there we go. Hello people, Queens, hope you are doing very well and we're getting into the new year now. It's kind of a crazy place out here in the United States. I'll put a pin on that one and we'll talk about the narcissists of the world. All right, we're going to talk about boundaries today. All right. So if you keep trying to explain your boundary in the perfect way, hoping they'll finally get it, this episode is your wake up call because with a narcissist, more explanation doesn't create more understanding. It actually creates more ammunition. So today I will break down why explaining yourself actually backfires and exactly what to say instead.

(00:54)
Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen. This one's for you. All right. So welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. I'm Christie Jade. And today we're going to talk about one of the biggest traps women fall into when they're trying to set boundaries with a narcissist. Explaining, overexplaining, clarifying, defending, and oh, the favorite justifying. So basically giving the full TED Talk to someone who already ... He's decided, she or he has decided to misunderstand you. So why explaining yourself actually makes it work? Worse. So what most women believe, if I can just say it the right way, they'll respect it. But with a narcissist, boundaries are not treated like information. They're almost treated like a challenge. So when you explain, they don't hear, "Oh, she's communicating.

(02:09)
How lovely." No. They hear, "Oh, good. Time for a negotiation," and they love a good negotiation, don't they? Or even worse, they may think, "Oh, good. A list of the exact emotional buttons to push for this specific individual." You're kind of giving yourself away. So the difference between healthy people and narcissists with a healthy person, an explanation leads to understanding. Clarity leads to connection. A boundary leads to adjusting things in the relationship, right? But with a narcissist, the explanation leads to a debate. Have you had that one happen? Yeah, me too. Clarity leads to them finding loopholes and a boundary leads to punishment. They don't like boundaries, right? So they are going to do what a narcissist loves to do, which is punish anybody who goes against what they want 100%, which when you set a boundary, that's you saying, "I'm not going to just throw myself at everything you tell me to do your way or the highway," and they don't like that.

(03:28)
So if you've been feeling like, no matter what I say, it turns into a fight, you're not failing, right? It's not you. You're just using healthy communication to what? An unsafe person.

(03:43)
So you are trying to do it the right way. Setting healthy boundaries with a healthy person leads to healthy results. But when you are trying to set healthy boundaries with an unhealthy person, an unsafe person, you don't have those same results, unfortunately. So here are the boundary phrases that can shut it down. So when you're dealing with a narcissist or someone who's toxic, your boundary has to be short, calm, and closed. Okay? So here's three scripts you can use right away. One, that doesn't work for me. No extra details, no defense, no overexplaining, no justifying. That doesn't work for me. It's closed. The end is closed. Doesn't work. We don't need to go in all the nitty-gritty of why and how. Okay? Number two, I'm not available for that. Not rude, not emotional, just final. I'm not available for that. You don't have to say it's seething.

(04:50)
You don't have to have a bite to it. I know we like to do that because we're so angry sometimes, right? Don't take the bait. They love a good reaction. I'm not available for that. And number three, this is one of my favorite, personal favorites. I've made my decision. This one is like queen energy, prayer, right? I've made my decision. There's no wiggle room in this. You don't say that. I'm just saying this is so you know this is your truth. This is something you're stating and it's just a fact. You have made your decision and you're owning that power. And if they push, you repeat that same sentence again. I just had this conversation with one of my clients last week. She said, "Well, I said this. " And he kept pushing. I said, "You repeat it. You repeat it again?" And then you get out.

(05:44)
I mean, if you're on the phone, they were on the phone. So let's say you're saying, "I've made my decision." And he says, "Well, but I really want another chance. And what if we, can we just meet up for just hear me out for five minutes? I've made my decision." Blah, blah. After that, after the second one, I'm out. You want to give it a third for whatever reason you can, don't do more than three. I'd say two, and then you're out and say, "I need to go now." That's it. It's not rude. They're being rude by pushing your boundaries when you're trying to set boundaries. So repetition can be the actual boundary. So what not to say, even though if it's tempting, and this is the part that can keep you trapped in this cycle with boundary pushers. I'm just trying to help you understand, trying to understand your boundary.

(06:40)
These are grown people. They get it. They don't want to get it. You just have to repeat it. Or I feel like you're misunderstanding me because guess what? We hate to be misunderstood. If I could jump through the screen or your little earbuds, that'd be creepy and give you just a hug because this part, man, I can still feel that feeling of just so not wanting to be misunderstood, like the trigger of that, that visceral response when you have been affected by a narcissist in such a deep way that being misunderstood is like this fear that can play out in other parts of your life, but especially with this narcissist, let's say you're co-parenting or it's your parent, and this is someone who has already pushed that sensitive spot over and over again, maybe created it in you, right?

(07:36)
That being misunderstood feeling sucks. So I get it. And we try to help them understand us because we can't stand to be looked at how they say they're viewing us, made out to be the bad person, made out to be a person who doesn't care or isn't ... They'll flip it almost like because you're setting a boundary, you're cold and hard and you're not flexible and you're not willing to do this, right? They'll mind F you. So you feel like you need to explain, "Well, no, it's not that. I just write no explaining anymore." And this is a transition, right? This is why we do the one-on-one work to not just get the coaching with me, but also the somatic healing that starts from the body. And that's where you can actually really feel those shifts where it will become comfortable organically through those somatic healing work where you get to feel okay saying nothing, not having to explain yourself, right?

(08:41)
Not having to say the next one is, "Let me explain just one more time. Let me explain." No, you're going to get real comfortable with not having to explain shit, okay? So that's the doorway back to chaos. The overexplaining, they know they have you then. That's what they want. They want the control. And when you explain yourself, you justify yourself, you beg for them to just hear you out, to understand you. That is all exactly what they want and it shows that you have lost power and you're a queen, so we're going to get our power back. So the secret, boundaries aren't about convincing. There's no convincing. You're just setting them. What they do with that is up to them, right? Boundaries are not this presentation. They're a position. And the moment you stop trying to be understood by someone committed to misunderstanding you, they're committed to it.

(09:42)
They are. And they're not really ... It's a very complex thing, and we go into that more in my one-on-one work, but they're committed to at least putting a front of misunderstanding you, even if they do understand you. They're fabulous at that. But you get your power back then when you stop trying to be understood. So if you are setting boundaries with a narcissist, explaining invites negotiation, and then the negotiation invites the manipulation, which you know they do. And short and final, those little examples I gave you, that is what protects your peace, and that's the goal here. Boundaries are for your protection and for your peace. So next time you feel the urge to write the paragraph on email or text, say this instead. "That doesn't work for me. I'm not available for that or I've made my decision and breathe and it feels powerful.

(10:53)
It's very empowering. And the more you do it, the more natural it feels and mixed with the somatic healing, girl, girl, you're on fire. This girl is on fire. "Remember that one? All right. So if you do want help setting boundaries without guilt, without the spiraling, without getting pulled back into the fight, you have options. I have Empowered Boundaries course, which is awesome. That's self-paced. If you want something self-paced, it is 10 videos. They drip out once a week for you and you have them for life. Or if you want to do that customized healing journey that is longer, very transformational. And we have a Zoom call once a week that's one-on-one with yours truly. And that's where you get to say," I'm in this specific situation. Obviously I'm teaching how to set boundaries, and we're also doing the somatic work on top of it.

(11:55)
"So it is double the fun, double the power. So that's always in my show notes, the ways to work with me, including the boundaries course. There is a freebie boundaries pocket guide. If you haven't got that, that's in there. And then my three, six, and 12 month options for working one-on-one with me. That's like, you want the pow-pow boo-dow journey of healing. You know what I mean? All right. So check the links in the show notes and I will help you hold the line and keep the peace with your boundaries, right?

(12:36)
That's about it. Anything else? I'm trying to think. I have no major updates. Oh, I did start acupuncture. I mentioned that last week that I was going to do it, I believe, right? It was the night before. Yeah. So I did that. First of all, crazy results. My feminine life every month is absolutely horrendous. It's been like that kind of my whole life. And then I went through a leap procedure, my pre-cancer cells, my cervix. This is so fun and TMI, by the way. Queen's talk. But I'm so impressed with what happened. So I got acupuncture.

(13:18)
She was just kind of rebalancing my stuff. I don't think there was a specific thing for the monthly, though she knew about it. I'm going to ask her tomorrow I'm going back. But though my period was still not light, I'll say that. I'm trying to be a little not gross about this. The cramps were almost nonexistent. And I'm telling you guys, if you knew the pain I go through every month, that's insane. I was waiting, waiting. I'm like, "What's happening? "Because it was getting heavier and heavier. And I'm like, " Where's the pain? "Because usually as it gets heavier, it gets worse and worse, the pain, right? It was crazy to the point I wasn't even taking my Tylenol. I can't take Advil, which sucks. I wasn't taking my Tylenol. I slept through the night. Usually I have to set an alarm in the middle of the night for two, three nights to help with the pain even overnight, because I'll wake up in pain.

(14:19)
That's how bad it is. And I didn't have to take it overnight. In the morning, once there was a slight cramp, it was crazy. So I don't know what freaking magic happened in only one session. I wasn't expecting it. It's not even like placebo, which that would take a lot of placebo effect to not feel the cramps I feel, but I wasn't even expecting that at all because it was more of just like a balance. And they say it takes multiple sessions to improve your period, but she didn't even mention working on my period. So I think just the rebalance, something happened and that's it. So that's the update on acupuncture. If you've ever done it, let me know. You can even email me. I always have my email in the show notes, fearsmamase@gmail. You can write me your experience, good or bad. I'd love to hear it.

(15:23)
And what else? These boundaries, they're your weapon. They're your weapon and they are how to get your power back and you deserve that. So if you have any questions ever, email me, please join my Facebook group. I know I have some people waiting in there I have to approve. I go through and look at every single person's to make sure it's safe for everyone. So sometimes there's a little delay. I'm sorry if you applied to get in there or submitted your thing and it's not approved yet. I was a very busy lady this weekend. We had a little holiday weekend and happy MLK day, by the way. And so I was not working this weekend and Monday because it was a long weekend and I just have not been in there. It's been a busy time. So I will try to approve those tomorrow. But if you are not in that group, go check it out.

(16:18)
It's a private Facebook group, women like you, and chat it up in there. Chat it on up with your fellow ladies. Let me make sure. Oh my gosh. Can you imagine if this wasn't recording? Okay. I just looked at my screen. By the way, if you don't know, I'm also on YouTube. So that's why I say looking at the screen, this is recorded video. You can see all the fun behind me. My husband's weird movie. What are they? Movie posters. I think there's some Star Wars back there. Got little my daughter's little stuffed animal, squish mellow looking thing. All the fun. And my pink, fuzzy microphone. And I don't have a stitch of makeup on today, which I rarely get on camera like this, but oh well. Oh, I got my hair done this weekend, actually. Look at that. I got it chopped off. I cut it right below my shoulder and it's a little darker for the winter.

(17:20)
But yeah, I have no makeup on. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love makeup. Do you guys love makeup? I love it. I don't like to think I need it. I mean, we all could use it sometimes. It helps me a little bit, but I just like it. It's fun. I like a little color in my face too. I'm pasty. I'm a pasty queen. All right. Well, now that I'm rambling, I guess it's time to go. That's my cue. But I hope you all have a beautiful day. Let's end with some I am affirmations. All right. Inhale through the nose and exhale, hand to heart or wherever. Repeat after me. I am great at creating boundaries. I no longer take the bait because I'm a queen. Yes, queen. Yes. I love it. All right. I will see you in Thursday's episode. We will do a little somatic short thrive in five.

(18:30)
That's Thursday. So as always, Tuesdays are the longer episodes. Thursdays are the shorter little bites of somatic healing or whatever. Some little fun that match up with Tuesday's theme, and I will catch you in the next episode. Love you.

Narcissist Driving You Crazy? Try This! (TOP EPISODE)

Thu, 15 Jan 2026 06:00:00 -0500

I am not feeling too hot so reposting an oldie but goodie! Hope you enjoy it!

Episode Description (Show Notes):

You left… but you still feel hooked.
You blocked them… but you still think about them.
You know they were toxic… so why does part of you miss them?

Welcome to the trauma bond.

In this episode, Christy breaks down:
What a trauma bond really is
Why you feel addicted to someone who hurt you

The exact steps to finally unhook and come back to YOU

If you’ve ever felt confused, ashamed, or obsessed after narcissistic abuse—this is your wake-up call (and your soft place to land). 💕

Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide

Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?

Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.
Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:

1-Month Private Coaching Container
Includes weekly coaching, somatic tools, and in-between support to help you regulate, reset, and start rebuilding trust with yourself.
Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

Related Episodes You’ll Love:

Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Help
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120

Stay Connected:

email: fiercemamac@gmail.com

Follow Christy on Instagram →

https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

How Highly Sensitive People Actually Heal

Tue, 13 Jan 2026 06:00:00 -0500

Highly sensitive people don’t heal by pushing harder, thinking more positively, or forcing themselves to “move on.” If you’ve done the therapy, gained the insight, and understand what happened — but your body still feels tense, on edge, or exhausted — this episode explains why.

In this episode, we talk about why traditional healing advice often fails highly sensitive people, what healing actually means for a sensitive nervous system, and how safety — not mindset — is the missing piece. You’ll learn why insight alone isn’t enough, how your body responds differently than your mind, and what real, sustainable healing looks like when you stop overriding yourself.

This episode is especially for you if you’ve ever thought, “I know better… so why do I still feel like this?”

Your Next Step in Healing

If you’re highly sensitive and want support learning how to heal without pushing, forcing, or abandoning yourself, this is exactly the work I do with my clients.

• Free Facebook Community:
00:00):

Hello, queens. It's Christie. If you are a highly sensitive person like myself and you've done all the things, the therapy, the journaling, understanding, even that alone, we're good at that, aren't we? But your body still feels tense on edge. You get the visceral reactions and you get the mind spins, right? This episode is for you. Yay. So stay tuned here. Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen. This one's for you. But highly sensitive people, they don't get better by pushing harder. They heal by learning how to feel safe in their bodies, our bodies, because I'm one of them. And when this happens, and that's why I'm so into somatic healing, but when it happens from the body, that is when the transformations truly take place.

(01:09)
So welcome back to the podcast. If you are a follower of mine, I think I've told this story how I did acupuncture years ago. I'll tell it again, just in case. But I did acupunctures in my 20s. I am now 45, yes, as many, probably about 20 years ago, almost exactly. And I did it once. I was so excited to do it too. And I had a not great reaction.

(01:38)
I have been told since then I should have just stuck with it to move it through. But I was like, "Hell no." Because I got a fever and my mono resurfaced from the year before, who gets mono as a 20 ... Oh, I was 28 and then it came back at 29. So that's how old I was. So 28 to 29. So I was 29 and mono crept back into my life. That was just crazy. But I guess people say, "Oh, they went too fast or whatever." I don't know. I was like, "F that, never want to do it again." But I have heard so many amazing things and you know I'm such a big proponent of healing through the body and my body reacts so well. I do feel like some people are more in tune to body healing. I don't know if it's openness or, I don't know, physiology or what, but I know I react very well to yoga, to somatic healing, to breathwork, to all the energy body healings.

(02:41)
So it keeps flashing in me. You know you get nudges. So I've been getting the acupuncture nudge. Well, I got one months and months ago and I wrote to this local lady who has a good reputation and she was like, "Oh, I'm going to be out on leave, baby leave." So I was like, man, she was like, "Oh, this other person can do it. " And I was like, "Nope." Because when I get a nudge, I get specific nudges and it was toward her. I was like, "Nope, I don't want anyone else." So I just went la-da-da-da-da. And then the other day I got another nudge and was like, "Oh, I should see if she's back." And she's been back and there's also a sail and I was like, "Okay, God's going ding, ding-dong, get your needle on. " So needless to say, or needles to say, sorry, I had to, that was so bad.

(03:37)
I'm going to try acupuncture again tomorrow, pray for me. And for multiple things, there's so many things I could use it for. Just like nervous system regulation, but also my nerves will go to my stomach, so I can have very sensitive stomach, especially in high stress seasons of life. And I'm going through a remodel. So there we are. That's where we are with that one. And also TMI, but I'm an overshare. My monthly mayhem, I call it, my monthly period is pretty much torture. It's been for a very long time and we're going to give this a go and see if it helps because I can't take certain things or whatever. So I've heard it can help tremendously, so we're going to try it for a few things. And I have seasonal allergies and stuff. So if you have ever had acupuncture, I'd love you to come in the Facebook group and you can even message me in there or just post about it.

(04:42)
I'd love to hear your experience with it. All right. Now for the stuff that affects you in your life. Okay. So why does traditional healing advice fail oftentimes for highly sensitive people? First, most healing advice is very mind-based, right? Think positive, reframe the story, affirmations. Forgive. Move on. Understand your patterns. And here's the thing. Highly sensitive people are usually excellent at insight, right? You already understand what happened or you're learning it, right? A lot of times on the narcissistic podcasts and YouTube videos we're learning and light bulb clicks, you understand. You know why it affected you. You learned that. These are the first stages of after you've come through the other side of abuse and you might recognize the patterns. If understanding alone though, healed trauma, we'd all be done, right? We're like, "Oh yeah, okay, that makes sense. Now I can move on. " Wonderful.

(05:56)
Well, for especially, especially for ... I mean, it's hard enough with narcissistic situations, but especially for highly sensitive people, it doesn't usually work out that simply, right? So if you've ever thought, "Why do I still feel like this when I know better?" That is such a common thing that I have clients say to me weekly, I would say. There's one client at least a week that's like, "But I know better." Or like, "I know this in my mind, but why do I still feel it? " They're not syncing up. Nothing is wrong with you. You're not broken. Your nervous system just has not caught up to that insight, to what you know. You know it on a brain level, but your body is not there yet in catching up with that. So what does healing then actually mean for us highly sensitive people? It doesn't mean becoming numb or like bypassing or becoming detached or unaffected or drinking a whiskey.

(06:59)
Okay? I mean, you can, but it's not going to help. You're not here to get tougher or grow thicker skin. You may have people in your life in the past that have told you, "Oh, stop being so sunset of. Oh, tough it up." I got a lot to say about that. And you're not here to stop feeling deeply because it is a beautiful thing about you. So healing means this. You still heal, feel all these heels and feels you still feel, but your body no longer lives in defense mode. So you stop being overwhelmed with your own sensitivity, right? You're like learning to navigate that. You stop feeling hijacked by other people's emotions. I know you know about that life and you stop living on edge waiting for the next emotional hit.

(07:58)
Sensitivity is not the problem. Unsafety is that feeling of unsafe that can come with the sensitivity that arises, right? So what is the real block that not everybody talks about, except yours truly? Here's what I see all the time with my clients, highly sensitive women. You heal mentally long before you heal physically, right? So you might know you're safe, but you don't feel safe. You might have left the relationship, you're completely out, hopefully, but your body doesn't really embody that. It didn't get the memo clear in full yet, right? You've done therapy maybe, but you're still braced. You're still feeling the things that you're trying to get over or not feel or undo the damage, as some people say, right? Your shoulders can be tight, jaw clench, like I said, my stomach, so fun. And the nervous system as a whole is scanning for danger even in calm moments, even though you're out of maybe your daily mess that you were in.

(09:20)
I know we have to still deal with them, but often your body still is in this survival mode that it was in when it was actually in more danger and it's because your body doesn't respond to logic, it responds to safety. Until your nervous system feels safe, healing stays incomplete no matter how much insight you have, no matter how many affirmations ... And I'm a big proponent of all that stuff. I think together there's a beautiful toolbox of joy that can help us heal, right? But this somatic healing is so, so important for people like us. So how do we truly, truly heal regulation before reflection? So when the calm ... I can't talk. I didn't go to bed till like one in the morning last night, y'all. All right, let me try again. We calm the nervous system first, not after. Okay? Safety before processing.

(10:30)
So no deep emotional work while your body is feeling threatened. So that's why when I do my work with clients, you'll often hear me ask, "Where are we at today?" One client this week, I was like, "I don't think we're going to be doing the somatic work today. Let's just do some coaching." Maybe at the end we'll have a wind down, nice luxury moment, but we're not going to do that deeper work right now because of where she was mentally. So it's my job to judge that and I'm trauma informed, so I get to evaluate before proceeding with the work. So sometimes we'll talk more, sometimes we'll do more somatic healing, little mix of both. So that's really important in the process. And then gentle consistency over intensity. So either small daily practices, which are very small. I actually, one of my clients this week asked, "So should I be doing like this at home?" And I was like, "No." You can be doing little small meditations, you can do some breath work, but the somatic healing at this stage when you're first working with me, you're not able to evaluate in the way I am.

(11:56)
And it's good to have a third party there on the outside, especially when you are in those earlier phases where you're more raw. So definitely consistency, like in between sessions, gentle consistency. Not intense, not let's do this. I want to do it three times myself this week. No, ma'am, that's not going to end well. Okay? You have to be safe and permission to slow down. Healing actually accelerates when the pressure is removed. When you don't feel like, "Oh my God, I got to do this. I got to get through this. This is going too slow." I have a lot of clients coming to me. It's like, "It's so slow." And part of that is because you're putting a pressure on yourself for it to go fast. When you release that pressure, you find it will organically go faster. Oh, amazing. And you're not behind, right?

(12:52)
You're not doing it wrong and your pace is not the problem. Forcing yourself is that can actually hinder it. So we've talked about orienting. We'll do this little simple somatic practice, something you can do right now, simple, not too deep, just to have a little centering, right? If it feels okay, gently just look around the room you're in and let your eyes land on three things that feel neutral or pleasant. So I'm going to do mine. My eyes always go to the damn flamingo and I'm going to look. I see leopard print. I love leopard print and my daughter's cowboy hat that makes me laugh. So that's an example. You look at three things, no analyzing, no fixing, just noticing.

(14:00)
And as you do that, let your breath slow naturally. This is called orienting and it's very simple, right? And what it tells your nervous system is, I'm here, I'm safe, the danger is passed. So if you are in a spin out mode, this is a great thing to try to pull yourself out. I like to do this, to do this, to initiate just becoming present. And then I like to get up, get my shoes on, walk out of the house. And just even if I'm walking around just the cul-de-sac or if I can take a longer walk, getting out in nature, removing yourself, right? When you're stuck in a cycle, it's become present.

(14:55)
Do a little curtsy little, a little twirl, whatever makes you feel happy inside. But even just doing the orienting practice where you are, if you got to get back to work or something, if you work from home and you're having a moment, orient, find the three things. Don't think too hard. You're just kind of observing. Take some breaths and get back to what you need to do. So for highly sensitive people, healing happens when your body believes that message, right? The danger's passed. I'm safe. So it's almost like we're proving it by slowing things down, by looking at items, and you're looking around, right? That's part of the orienting is looking at your surroundings. It's showing there's nothing unsafe here. You can look every angle. You can whip that head around, girl. Check it out. Nothing dangerous.

(15:58)
Unless, unless you don't like leopard print, right? So your mind gets to see it. There's some proof. There's some present proof. Now, healing without overwhelm. So here's something you do need to hear. You do not have to relive everything to heal it. That is something some people, I don't want to say will go against, but some people really want to dig to every little nook and cranny. You don't have to do that to heal it. And this is proven within somatic healing. You don't have to reopen every wound. You don't have to push yourself past your capacity. It's not a race to heal.

(16:53)
And we heal better with softness, not force. So you're allowed to choose ease. It might be uncomfortable, you're not used to it. Get comfy with it. Choosing gentleness and you don't have to prove how strong you are or how far you've come. Those milestones will come, but don't force them. Okay? So healing doesn't make you less sensitive. It makes your sensitivity feel like a gift instead of a burden. Again, you are not broken, you were never broken. Your nervous system adapted brilliantly to what you live through. And now you get to teach it that life doesn't have to hurt anymore, that you are safe.

(17:48)
Okay? So if you want support, learning how to heal without overriding yourself, check the show notes for the next steps, whether it's the Boundaries Pocket Guide or working with me one-on-one. I have three different programs you can choose from and they are transformative, amazing, like I said, somatic and coaching together. And it's just my favorite thing in the world. So of course, I'm going to brag about it and tell you to sign up, woman. All right. So if this episode resonated, you're not alone. There's a bunch of us out there and join my Facebook community again so we can have some chatsies in there and yeah, try to engage in there, talk to each other. Feel free to make posts in there or post quotes. I love a good quote. Put a quote up there. I will approve it. And don't forget to follow my podcast if you're not following it.

(18:48)
So you get every single stinking podcast episode. Guys, this is not a one and done. This is ongoing, amazing work. This healing is actually ... There's just so much good in this type of somatic healing and these episodes. I give a lot of information on purpose. I know maybe not everyone can do one-on-one work, right? So following these really, really will help you. Every episode has something juicy to take home. Okay? So I will see you in the next one. Love you. Bye.

Why Highly Sensitive People Are More Impacted by Certain Personalities

Thu, 08 Jan 2026 06:01:00 -0500

Have you ever wondered why some people don’t just irritate you — they completely dysregulate you?

In this episode, we explore why highly sensitive people are more deeply affected by emotionally unpredictable or manipulative personalities, and why this has nothing to do with being weak or “too much.” If you’ve been healing from narcissistic or emotional abuse and still find yourself over-explaining, self-blaming, or staying longer than you should, this episode connects the dots with compassion and clarity.

This conversation is about understanding patterns — not judging yourself — so you can finally stop managing other people’s emotions and start protecting your nervous system.

Your Next Step in Healing

If this episode hit close to home and you’re realizing this pattern has repeated — and you’re tired of trying to figure it out alone — you don’t have to.

I work 1:1 with women healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse who are ready to feel calmer, clearer, and more grounded in their relationships and decisions.

✨ 12-Month Coaching Container
Long-term mentorship and steady support while you rebuild your life at a grounded, sustainable pace.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources

Join the Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
Learn how to set and hold boundaries without spiraling into guilt or over-explaining.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

📩 Questions or support: 00:00):

Queens, if you are highly sensitive, there is a reason certain people don't just annoy you. They completely dysregulate you. And it's not because you're weak or dramatic or overreacting. It's because your nervous system notices things others were trained to ignore. It's actually a gift. Love it. I've got the gift. Do you? Stay tuned. Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen. This one's for you. All right. So tonight's episode is a continuation of Tuesdays, and there will be one more on next week's Tuesday episode, and then we'll get back to a Thrive in Five on Thursday. But I also just wanted to say hello. I was thinking in this new year, I might share a little more about just myself, even my journey, and just even some of my day-to-day stuff, because I want to feel a little more connected to my audience.

(01:14)
And I'd love you to hop over into my Facebook group. If you didn't know, I have a private Facebook group, and it is for all women, and it's private. And I ask questions to make sure no shady people coming in there, except myself. Just kidding. And yeah, but I just want to share more and be a little more engaged on a personal level. So a couple things I have going on to share with you. Number one, I finished my manuscript. I am going to be writing a narcissistic abuse recovery book. I am so excited. Well, I wrote it. Currently, I am going through one more pass and then my editor will be starting to do the developmental editing on it starting in March. And then from there, I'm still working on if I want to self-publish or traditional publish, my gut is saying traditional publishing, and I've got a couple calls lined up to talk with people about that.

(02:17)
It's really exciting stuff. This is one of my dreams. I always wrote. This is like we're having a biography. Don't worry, we'll get to the good stuff too, but this is good stuff, right? You know a little more about me? Maybe I can learn a little more about you. So when I was young, I loved, loved to write. I wrote poetry because what? Highly sensitive. Poetry stories. I have written a few novels.

(02:46)
I've published poetry book out there. So I've always been in the writing realm. And this is now my baby book because it's like my purpose work mixed with just this dream I had to complete a book that I felt safe sharing with the world and that would help people. So I am so excited. I can't talk about the title or anything yet, obviously, until I'm promoting it. But I am so grateful for you guys to be supporting me through listening to this podcast. It has kept me going, kept me motivated. All of your emails and just even seeing how many listens and though my podcast has grown to top 1.5% in the world makes me feel like it's all worth ... This is heavy stuff to talk about, right? And it's not easy having your own business and starting from zero and building. It's a process, but I've always been called to help women.

(03:57)
And then more recently with this abuse stuff, right? And trying to make it not fun, because abuse is never fun, but making it so you know that it doesn't have to define the rest of your life and that you can create a new version and grow and you're not damaged forever and make it as light as we possibly can. Yeah, we went through the hard stuff. So guess what? We're going to make up for some lost time and we go and get sparkly. So anyway, that's a little rant about my book. I also change, so I will be ... Unless there's some little exception somewhere, if you really need it, you can message me. But I am doing either three months, six month, or 12 month containers. I am so excited to do a year longer container. Sorry, it's like coach talk, but that just means ... I was like, oh my gosh, I'm not recording.

(05:03)
That would've been awful. It just means the amount of time, right? Like the program. So I have three programs. There's three month, six month, and 12 month. So I'm so excited about that. That will always be in my show notes too. And if you really just want to get a feel for things, but you really do want to commit, we can do a one hour session and then it'll be time to pick if you want three, six or 12 month program. So anyway, I am in love with my one-on-one sessions. We do coaching and we do somatic healing that is, if you don't know, healing from the body through the body, it is mind blowing work. You can click and read more about it in my show notes. So those are two big things. I won't go on and on, which I already did because that's me, right?

(05:56)
Now you know who I am. I'm a blubber. I'm a blabberist queen, but I'm so excited for this new year. I just have ... It was a hard year for me. This past year, my father passed away. Oh, this is supposed to be uplifting and I feel the lump in my throat. And that's tough, as many of you know, when you lose a parent. So it's been a tough year for me. I'm always silver lining and keep going and I'll always be that way, but this is one of the hardest years of my life.

(06:32)
So we're ready for 2026. Let's get into this episode for these highly sensitive people who are about to cry on her pink furry microphone. All right. So part one of this, we're kind of to talk about the sensitivity, unpredictability, and how that equals dysregulation. A lot of highly sensitive people, we get dysregulated more easily than other people. So we're built for depth, connection, and consistency. Okay? So when you're around people like narcissists who are very hot and cold, or maybe bipolar, manic depress, people who are up and down so much, emotionally inconsistent or intentionally manipulative, the body goes on alert and it's not because you're fragile, it's because this unpredictability feels very unsafe in your system, right? I mean, I think as it should. I love predictability. Can anyone say, "What? Do we get a what? " We love predictability. You like a good plan.

(07:37)
So going to part two, why you took it so personally, right? This is where a lot of the highly sensitive people get stuck. We talk about a lot of stuckness with narcissistic abuse. And many of us who have gone through abuse are highly sensitive. There is a correlation and that we'll get to that reason, but you didn't just notice the inconsistency. You tried to fix it because we're usually empaths and fixers and maybe people pleasers. You overexplained, you self-reflected, right? You might turn it on yourself. I did that a lot like, "Well, maybe I caused this, " which by the way, just so you know, and I'm so used to this, it sounds crazy that I have to say this, but I remember being on the side of not realizing how crazy this is, but you can't force someone to abuse you. It's the choice they make and you don't cause it.

(08:39)
No one makes someone abusive. They are abusive and you're a victim of it, okay? So just remember that. Play that back if you have to. But wondering, what did we do wrong? What did I do wrong? Because you were taught that harmony was your responsibility. And it could be from your childhood where you kind of play that role of the one, the peacekeeper or trying not to, maybe there was one person, two people, all the people, if you're lucky, in your family that were toxic, very intense in the not good way. You ended up somehow being that person who would try to walk on the eggshells and just try to create as much peace or calm or predictability as you could, which is a lot to carry around on your shoulders. So this is especially common for people who have experienced narcissistic or emotional abuse.

(09:45)
Like I said, could be childhood. It could be you had a great childhood and somehow you ended up with a master manipulator, a narcissist who conditioned you to act differently than you typically did.That's common. That's the thing that happens too. Many people though who end up in abusive situations, I'm not saying everybody, no blanket statements here, but did grow up either in an abusive situation or being dismissed or being manipulated or a very toxic family dynamic where you were comfortable with that. That's why you ended up in that relationship. That is not always, but that's a very common thing. From my own experience, from my client's experience, most of my clients did have some sort of toxic relationship dynamic, whether it was a parent, a sibling, even a grandma who lived with them, right? So it could look all different and fun ways. So part three, here is the gentle truth, and this is the confronting part.

(10:56)
Okay? Highly sensitive people don't attract unhealthy dynamics because you're sensitive. We are sensitive, right?

(11:09)
We stay or we stay longer because we're empathetic, self-aware and hopeful. I just met up with one of my guy friends recently and he was trying to understand the whole abuse thing. And in his mind, he couldn't understand to start with how anyone would tolerate being mistreated like that, right? Because some people, there's just no tolerance for it. So a lot of us, it's not just like only empathetic people, but we're empathetic, we're hopeful. It's like a mix of characteristics that make us stay and make us stay longer, like I said, right? And certain personalities or disorders, they feed off that. It's like, yes, they're staying. Now I know who my warm audience is. Do you know the cold and warm? Warm is like, oh, they're already warmed up and they're easier quote, pray. But it doesn't make you naive or weak. This makes you human, does make you maybe empathetic, highly sensitive if you are relating to any of this, but this is not a bad thing.

(12:34)
And I don't want you to view this as a bad characteristic. It's a beautiful part of us and I would not have it any other way. I would not want to be not as sensitive as I am, not as empathetic as I am. It has served me so well in my life too. Yes, it's gotten me hurt 20 times over by multiple people, I'll be honest, but it has really served me in so many beautiful ways and so many beautiful connections. And even in this, right? I'm able to do this work and help people because of that part of me and this job is amazing, right?

(13:22)
So let's toot our own horns, okay? Go highly sensitive people. So what actually changes the pattern? The shift isn't becoming colder, right? You don't want to say, "Okay, well now I'm going to throw a wall up." And this might happen naturally when you have left a narcissist. I'll be honest, after my narcissist situation, disconnection, I'll be honest, I went a little extreme to the other side and that can absolutely be part of the process. And I do find that with many, not all, but many of my clients, some do not build a wall and they might even get burned again and they get help and the help helps and they learn how to protect themselves without being cold and hardened and jaded, which for a little bit I was a little cold. I'll say that. I got a little chilly, a little chilly in here.

(14:18)
So it's becoming clearer and more embedded in your truth.That's a really important thing because if you don't know your truth, you can't create boundaries for yourself. And boundaries, remember, are not really for other people, they're for yourself. And that's something important. I have a boundaries course. It is amazing. And yes, I am tooting my own horn all over the place tonight, which is not something I normally do, but I am very, very adamant about people setting boundaries. And if you don't know how this is a reasonably priced course that you get 10 videos, they're dripped once a week for 10 weeks. Everything from evaluating your truth, I call it the hell yeses and hell nos, of your life to evaluate what you need to set boundaries with. And then we go into all the hows of boundary setting, the conversations, what to do if you set a boundary and someone comes back, all the boundary stuff for yourself and how to also navigate it by if you do have to have conversations and set them in that way, right?

(15:34)
Because some are for yourself that you're doing, you don't even have to tell anybody, right? So that boundaries course is always linked in my show notes. So when you stop managing other people's emotions, you start protecting your nervous system. I love it. And that's when everything changes. So if you're realizing this pattern has repeated and you're tired of all the analyzing and doing it alone, this is where my one-on-one coaching comes in. I do three, six months now because narcissistic abuse, though you can definitely heal, it's not like an overnight take a pill, right? But that being said, three months goes by quick and we do amazing work in three months. And I have had clients stay with me a year. I never had a year program, but they just kept signing on for three months and three months and three months. And their transitions, their transformations, I mean, are just out of this world, just like themselves.

(16:46)
But with all the glitter, all the confidence, so many changes, like changing careers, starting their own businesses, entering amazing relationships with healthy people, feeling like they're actually an amazing role model for their kids when they used to feel shame and guilt that they had stayed in something. It's just endless the benefits of doing coaching mixed with the somatic healing.

(17:14)
It's the best. I just love it. When I get off of every call, I literally sometimes get a lump in my throat. I'm like, "This work is so amazing." Especially when we do the somatic stuff, it's so powerful, so powerful. Okay, so you know where my links are. Show notes. Everyone say it with me, show notes. And so in the next episode, that will be Tuesday, we're going to talk about how highly sensitive people actually heal, how boundaries become regulating instead of terrifying. Because look, for highly sensitive people, oh, it's terrifying, right? It's terrifying. That is the only word we can use for it sometimes because the unpredictability of what's going to come back and if you're with someone obviously, which we'd love you to get out of that relationship, but if you're still with someone who is not treating you well, or if you're outside of it, but you still have these traits, it's going to continue in your relationships or with friends or whatever, we can't be terrified of boundaries anymore.

(18:28)
To live a full life that's authentically you, that's the thing. You have to find that truth. Like I said, evaluating your truth, the hells and knows of your life. So you can say, "What boundaries do I even need and how am I going to set these boundaries?" You might feel lost, overwhelmed, almost like guilt if you do set a boundary. That's why the program I have really talks about that and how you can do it in a way where you are not saying, "You need to not do this anymore exactly." It's more like what I'm going to do. And that's a much better feeling for us, highly sensitive people, isn't it? I'm going to do this. It's not telling someone how to live their life. It's more like, I mean, let me think of a simple example.

(19:21)
Someone yelling at me all the time, okay? Let's say that. Let's say that happened. What do I say that you're yelling and you can jush it up. As I've gotten older, I don't have time for the softy sandwich as my BFF calls it. I don't have time for that anymore. So that's where I'm like, I'm a little more direct. So you can always take my words and soften them up and I can help you soften them if you need to in our one-on-one. But I just, in my life, I don't really do that anymore, but I'll just ... So you could say, I would say directly probably, "Look, I'm not going to be talked to like that. So just so you know, if you do choose to be yelling at me like that, I am going to walk out. I am going to leave. I'm going to whatever." You're saying what you are going to do.

(20:13)
You're not controlling them.

(20:16)
And then you could soften that up and you could do the sandwiches, right? You got the soft bread on each side. So you got like, "I've really, really enjoyed spending time with you. We have so much fun together, but there's times when you're raising your voice and it makes me feel on edge and I don't love that feeling." So the next time that happens for my own body and whatever, mental, whatever you want to call it without sounding dramatic or something. For my own vibe, I'm going to have to take a break and leave or whatever, hang up the phone, I'm going to have to do X, Y, Z. And then you can put that soft bun on the other side, soft buns. What kind of podcast is this? And you can say, "But really, I would love for that not to happen because I really would like to continue this friendship with you, " or whatever it is.

(21:17)
Me, I'm like, "You mistreat me ." Okay. All right. So where were we? We were talking about ... Oh yeah, I was saying how terrifying it is and sensitivity can actually become your strength again, right? So we'll talk about that in the next episode and yeah, I guess that's it. Let me see. How long was this mamma jamma? Oh, it doesn't say. So I'm so excited. I just got back y'all from karaoke. So if you don't know, we have a little bit of a musical family and my husband actually sings, and I want to hear about all of your hobbies in my Facebook group, but my husband sings and plays a bunch of different instruments. I sing. I say that lightly because, I mean, I don't know. I wish I had a better voice, but people say I'm a singer. My husband says I'm a singer.

(22:22)
He said, "That did really good tonight." I did karaoke. I did Shania Twain. Anyone know that song?

(22:29)
Better walk the line. Squeeze. Anyway, and my daughter, she was elite singer in a band. She's 11 now, but when she was like nine and 10, and now she's doing musical theater. And my friend texted me, I was like, "Oh my God, they have karaoke at this place that we go to. " She's like, "Come over." So we were eating dinner. I was like, "You want to go karaoke?" And I said, oh, she said, "Have Kora sing." And I was like, "Do you want to sing? I mean, she got to go to bed." But I was like, "What a cool mom would I be if I just spontaneously was like, all right, dinner's over. Let's go sing." So I was like, "This'll be a fun memory." So we finished up the dishes and she got dressed and we went, we took over the karaoke. There's only one other person who sang before we got there and then it was us because it was like the first night they were doing it.

(23:31)
So Kora sang four songs. I sang one. My husband, who actually has been in bands, pretended he was shy. He is shy in real life. He's very shy, but he said he don't like karaoke. He likes being in his band with his familiar and like having practiced a song. So he was too uncomfortable to do one. I was uncomfortable too, but I did it. I even shimmy shaked around a little bit, a little hip action, little head wobble.

(24:02)
So that was fun. And can we say US citizens of the world, not to get political, but it's really crazy out there no matter what side you're on. Again, I don't want to get political on this podcast, but our country I feel like is just so crazy right now. There's just a lot. So it was nice to escape to karaoke, but I feel like I feel bad for people who can't escape in that way, right? There's just a lot going on. It's kind of horrifying. And I know other countries are looking in and maybe horrified as well. So I know that's like a little off topic and I really don't like to go there, but I just have to be real. You guys know me. I'm very real. And it's a hard time for a lot of people. No matter what side of the political coin you're on, what race you are, what gender you are, and some have it way worse than others, but it's just a hard time.

(25:14)
So I would like to throw out some prayers. I am a God woman, so I want to throw out some prayers just for our country. And if you guys are God people, whoever's out there as God person or a woo-woo universe person, please say some prayers just for our country and our world as a whole, right? Why not throw the whole world in there?

(25:40)
And try to focus too on what we do have. There's a lot of hardship, but there's a lot of love and a lot of peacemakers and helpers. They always say what when there's a crisis? Is it crisis? I don't know that, but there's that quote, I'm going to misquote it. If there's a crisis, look for the helpers, like trying to always see the light in the dark. So I'm big on that, but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's hard. So, and I know with our heavy stuff we talk about, sometimes it's hard too. So if you're in a dark situation, which I know a lot of you are, you're not alone, come join us in the Facebook group and yeah, hear more about your highly sensitive ass in our next episode. Okay? All right. I love you guys. We're in this together. Put your deuces up, smooches, deuces.

(26:39)
See you the next time.

Highly Sensitive or Just Exhausted? Why Some People Affect You So Deeply

Tue, 06 Jan 2026 06:01:00 -0500

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling completely drained — replaying what was said, questioning yourself, or wondering why certain people affect you so deeply?

In this episode, we explore the difference between being highly sensitive and being chronically exhausted from emotional unpredictability. If you’ve been healing from narcissistic or emotional abuse and still wonder why your body reacts so strongly in certain relationships, this episode offers clarity, relief, and a nervous-system-based explanation that finally makes sense.

This isn’t about being “too sensitive.” It’s about understanding how your body adapted — and what it actually needs to heal.

Your Next Step in Healing

If this episode explains you — and you’re realizing you’ve been trying to heal through willpower instead of safety and support — you don’t have to do this alone.

I work 1:1 with women healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse who feel deeply, think deeply, and are ready to feel grounded, clear, and safe in their own bodies again.

Additional Support & Resources

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
Learn how to set and hold boundaries without spiraling into guilt or over-explaining.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Join the Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

📩 Questions or support: 00:00):

If you are here because you have been healing from narcissistic abuse or emotional abuse, I want you to know this episode is still for you. This isn't me changing direction. It's me adding some context because so many people who were deep or are deeply affected by toxic relationships of any kind are also highly sensitive. Lucky us, we get to be a good old target. So no one really explains why that matters. So we're going to talk about a little bit of this, a little bit of that today. Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen, this one's for you.

(00:52)
Okay. So if you've ever wondered why certain people leave you completely drained, why you replay conversations in your head, why you feel things so deep, and maybe you've been told you're too sensitive, or why healing felt kind of linear, this episode might finally explain some of that to you. And more importantly, it might help you stop blaming yourself. I hear a lot of clients with a lot of shame and blame, and we're here to kick that to the curb. Okay. So are you highly sensitive or just attuned? So let's talk about what being highly sensitive actually means. Without the labels or the quizzes, highly sensitive people are not weak. They are deeply perceptive. So your nervous system picks up on the tone shifts in a conversation on emotional undercuts, right? Unspoken things, unspoken tension, and you pick up on inconsistencies. So you don't just hear words, you actually feel energy.

(02:01)
So someone could be saying one thing and you're feeling another. So you could sense, maybe you sense lying or deception. So you can be highly sensitive, but also a people pleaser. So that can be a mix of where you may even feel something's off, but you have been told you're too sensitive or you think too much or you're too analytical. So you kind of second guess yourself when you do actually get these kind of intuitive hits. So like I said, you don't just hear the words, you feel the energy. You're just an energy queen. That's all. It's great. So in safe environments, this is actually a gift. So yay, but not all environments are safe as we know. So in an unsafe or emotionally unpredictable environment, that same sensitivity can become very exhausting. So why do some people affect you so much? Here's the part not everyone explains in the narc world, right?

(03:08)
But your sensitivity didn't cause this harm. So yes, in a way, we can attract a certain somebody by being seen as someone who is empathetic and has a bleeding heart or whatever. But don't let go of it. Okay? We want to keep that. It's still okay to have, but it actually magnifies the impact. So it doesn't cause the harm, it magnifies the impact. If you grew up around control, a controlling person, maybe a parent, maybe a sibling, emotional volatility, people who made you doubt yourself or you weren't good enough feeling, your nervous system learned to stay alert. So when someone is inconsistent, emotionally manipulative, dismissive, we know that one probably a little too well, or hot and cold, right? Maybe they will be all about you and even controlling, monitoring where you're going. They want to know where you are, they're like that. And then they will punish you with the silent treatment.

(04:20)
And I say punish because that's what it is. Even though you don't deserve a punishment, they will punish you if you ... Anything. It's a narcissist, right? So especially in a narcissistic situation, they're going to punish you no matter what in their abuse cycle. So part of that punishment sometimes can look like, yes, the screaming, the yelling, the violence, it can also look like silent treatment. So there's a lot of hot and cold and your body doesn't see that as just a personality. It experiences it as a threat, right? Which makes sense. It's not drama, it's biology. Your body's like, "This isn't okay." The inconsistency, the up and down. This doesn't seem right. So many highly sensitive people don't realize they were in emotionally manipulative or narcissistic dynamics because they were taught to look inward instead of questioning the environment outward, right? So this is where that people pleaser can come in, right?

(05:26)
You learn to ask, "What's wrong with me? " Instead of, "Why doesn't this feel safe?" I want you to sit with that. Okay? You learn to ask, "What's wrong with me? " Instead of, "Why doesn't this feel safe?" So that habit alone can keep you stuck, right? If you're constantly just, you've been conditioned to go, "What did I do? It must be me.

(06:00)
" Going inward. Okay. So why isn't willpower the answer here? This is why the whole just set boundaries or just stop caring doesn't really work. You know I'm the boundary queen. I love good boundaries, but it doesn't always work. With highly sensitive people, it's not about being like the tough exterior boundary and it's not yapping at that person. It's not going outward, right? You do need to set boundaries for yourself, but you need support, safety, and regulation. So healing doesn't have to be about fixing yourself. It's about teaching your nervous system that it is safe to relax again. Teaching your nervous system, yourself, you're out of this situation, hopefully if you're still in it, let's help you out of there. But if you're on the other side, like most of my clients, on the other side, either on the verge of getting out, getting out, or you've been out, but you're still stuck in many ways, it's teaching your nervous system to go, "I'm safe.

(07:18)
I'm safe. I'm safe out of the situation or I'm going to be safe very soon. Hopefully you're in a safe space. If not, always read my show notes for the phone numbers for a resource." We're going to dip into this. I'm going to do a couple more episodes around this topic just because a lot of you have been asking just, I've heard many questions like, "Why did this happen? Why am I like this? Or why did they pick me? " All of these questions, which it's great to question, but there's a difference in asking a question, asking a question, feeling like you're the problem and you're the reason why, right? And like you're at fault.

(08:09)
That's what we want to kind of undo and help you understand so you can let go of that guilt or feeling like this is your fault. And if you had just done X, Y, Z, this wouldn't have happened. Okay? We're not going to blame or shame ourselves anymore. Shine your crowns, little ladies. Okay? So if this episode explains you and you're realizing you've been trying to heal through willpower instead of support, because you do need that support and you want to do the somatic deeper work that is mind blowing, you don't have to do it alone. Here I am, Christie Jade, we can do one-on-one work. And this is for women who feel deeply, think deeply and are ready to feel safe in their own bodies again. So if that resonates, I'll always have the link in the description, in the notes, the show notes, they're called in my podcast show notes.

(09:08)
For every episode, it has my options for working with me one-on-one. I have three different programs and starting this new year out, empowered, ready for your next chapter, your next book queen. Okay? Let's just do the whole, throw the whole thing away. Start over. No. There's beautiful parts of us from the past. I don't want anyone to feel like you are damaged, that you are ruined. I've heard this stuff from my clients and it breaks my heart. I'm telling you, I've been where you are and I have a freaking amazing, thriving, joyful, peaceful ... Can I say peaceful in capital letters? Because who knew I could have peace at some point in my life? Life, right? I did a lot of work to get here and I have learned so many tools. I have so many certifications and all, especially the somatic healing is my baby.

(10:07)
I do the coaching, yes. I do the Reiki or whatever you want. I got it all in my little magic toolbox, but somatic healing is the thing that truly, truly transformed me. And it's just amazing work. I cannot suggest it enough. Obviously, I'm here. I would love to help you. I do have limited spots, but just going through this transformation where you build confidence, self-trust again, and just getting that sparkle back. And I know it sounds like, okay, I get the sparkle back. It's so vague, but I think you guys know. I think you guys know what a narcissistic relationship does to your sparkle, how it dulls you, how sometimes you don't recognize yourself anymore.

(11:02)
It changes you, but that doesn't mean you can't find her again, or maybe you never fully knew her because you had a narcissistic parent who told her since you can remember she's in there. You can have peace and joy. So I would love to help you get that in your life. So if you ... Again, the link is always in the show notes and in the next episode, we're going to talk about why highly sensitive people are more impacted by certain personalities. And what finally changes when you stop trying to manage yourself and start protecting your nervous system because sensitivity is not the problem being unsupported is, right? We need a little support, doesn't everybody? But highly sensitive people, we can need a little more. And that's not a bad thing. It's a beautiful thing. So if this resonated, take a breath, let it land, and I will meet you in the next episode.

(12:07)
I'm not going to do my thrive in fives until, let's see, next Thursday, because I'm going to do this little mini series. So I'm going to do this little mini series, which will be today, Thursday, and next Tuesday. And the following Thursday will be a thrive in five to kind of seal this series up, zip it on up, and then we'll continue with another topic. All right? So have a fabulous day. You are looking amazing and I hope feeling amazing, because you are amazing. Let's end with it. We haven't done I ams, little affirmations. Let's do a few of those to close out. Let's inhale through our nose and exhale, inhale through the nose and exhale and repeat after me. I am perceptive. I am intuitive because I'm a queen. God, I love that last one. All right. I will see you in the next episode.

(13:22)
Love y'all.

New Year, New Identity: Who Are You Without the Narcissist Controlling Your Life?

Tue, 30 Dec 2025 06:01:00 -0500

If the new year feels confusing, quiet, or emotionally heavy after narcissistic abuse, this episode explains why — and what it actually means.

After narcissistic abuse, healing isn’t about becoming a “new you.” It’s about shedding the survival identity you were forced into and reclaiming a self-led identity rooted in safety, peace, and self-trust.

I offer longer-term 1:1 coaching containers designed to help you stabilize your nervous system, rebuild self-trust, and reclaim your peace in a grounded, sustainable way — especially during emotionally charged seasons.

Additional Support & Resources

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
Learn how to set and hold boundaries without spiraling into guilt or over-explaining.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/
Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Join the Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

Questions or support: 00:00):

Oh, we are coming up on the New York Queens. It is almost 2026. And if the new year feels strange to you, a little out of the ordinary, maybe you're not rushing into your goals or your vision boards. I love a good vision board, by the way. If you feel quieter like you want to be not so peopley, it's not because you're stuck. It's because the version of you that survived narcissistic abuse is no longer who you are becoming. Today, we're going to talk about identity after narcissistic abuse and who you are when you're no longer being controlled, manipulated, or emotionally hijacked by somebody else.

(00:49)
Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen. This one's for you. Let's start here. This part really, really matters. The identity you had to become to survive. Okay? When you are in a narcissistic relationship, you don't have any kind where you are being controlled. You don't just lose time and energy. You lose access to yourself. I call it the solid brick. We're born this beautiful golden brick that has all these amazing things. That's us. That's our authentic self. And as we grow, and this could be in childhood, if it's also society and other people's shoulds and whatever, we've got all this dirt and stuff just covering that shiny, beautiful gold brick. If you are in a toxic or narcissistic relationship, it's basically a bunch of bullshit all over you, right?

(02:00)
Until you come onto the other side, grab hands with Christie Jade and we pull you out, wipe you off, shine you up, get your crown back. But you are losing access to that self, that golden version of you. So you may have had glimpses of it. You could have never really known it fully because it was lost also in childhood. You could have had parents and then toxic relationships after you were out of your house, what other situation is. But you become the version of you who stays alert, the version who anticipates others' moods. You know the eggshell walking on them. Yeah. The version who explains, well, over explains, softens, edits what you say adjusts or the version who survives by being easy. The people pleasing can come in there. And here's the truth no one really says out loud, but yours truly will because you know I'm a truth speaker.

(03:05)
Women don't leave a narcissist and step into freedom. They leave and they bring the survival identity with them. Okay?

(03:20)
That freedom is not something you just walk into immediately. So if you're thinking, why don't I know what I want? Not necessarily just relationship wise and different aspects of life. Why do I still feel on edge? Why doesn't the new year feel exciting? It's because your nervous system has not caught up to the fact that you are safe now. So why does the new year feel weird after narcissistic abuse? The new year brings space. It's a new space and the space can feel terrifying when chaos was familiar. I just had this talk with one of my clients today. You are so familiar with chaos. It's not saying you want it. It's not saying, "Oh, I desire chaos or I thrive off drama or whatever." It's just, especially if you've been going through something like this for years, it can really be terrifying when you now have space, openness, which is the opposite of chaos.

(04:36)
You can be scared to even shut your thoughts off because it's too damn quiet in your head. We don't know what to do with that, right?

(04:48)
I'm saying we, because I've been there. You know I have been there and I'm on the other side and it's so nice to be able to shut my brain off. I'm not saying I never have little moments, but from what it was to now is insane in a good way. So you're not being pulled anymore. You're not reacting the way you used to. You're not performing. I'm not saying you never do. There's little bits of this we may still have trickles of, but in general, on this like twenty four seven under the thumb of a narcissist, you are always analyzing, waiting, worrying, eggshelling and performing, putting on a facade and being controlled and told what to do, not to do, worried of making the wrong moves, all of that. So instead of excitement, you feel maybe flat, maybe confused, unmotivated, or maybe oddly emotional, different emotions.

(05:50)
It doesn't have to just be one specific emotion of anger or sadness. It could be sadness. It could be emotional exhaustion. Again, one of my clients today was talking about that. That's a common thing. After you've gone through such a big transition outside the narcissistic abuse recovery, you're now here, you're already in this other space and now it's a new year. It's a lot. It's a lot to process to take in, even though it seems like it should be exciting and freeing and just a huge amount of relief. Two things can be true at once. There can be relief and there can be pretty much terror, discomfort at the very least. So all of that is not failure on your part. It's what we call identity grief. So you are grieving the woman who held everything together. Sometimes we can take pride in that. The woman who was strong because she had to be.

(06:59)
Can we all clap for that one? I know you're familiar with that. And that's why this could be its own whole episode about how we can feel so strong and then so weak at the same time and coming out of something being like, "I thought I was so strong and like, damn, how was I so weak? I stayed in that. " It's very mind blowing, right? But you're grieving that. You're grieving the version of you who knew her role, even if it was killing her, you knew your role. It was specific. So let me say this clearly. If the new year feels quiet, it doesn't mean you're lost. It means you're just no longer being controlled. And this is obviously a great thing, but it doesn't mean it's going to feel a hundred percent great right away. You're going to have mixed emotions. So this new identity is not new you, itself led you.

(08:11)
So this is where people can get it wrong. You don't need this major glow up. You don't need a personality overhaul. You don't need a brand new shiny label, though I love shiny things. You need to stop living reactively.

(08:31)
The narcissist trained you what? Respond, defend, explain, actually overexplain once again, and earn your peace. Your new identity is self-led. It's not narc reactive anymore. And that's great. That's the good news is it's great, but you've got to get used to this. So that looks like you deciding instead of explaining. So this is putting almost a pressure on you now. You have to decide and make all your own decisions, which can sound amazing and freeing, but it's also maybe uncomfortable or maybe just paralyzing because you don't know exactly what to say, what to do, what you want. What do you want? Maybe you don't even know that after all you've been through. It looks like choosing instead of justifying.

(09:38)
God, I don't miss having to justify all the time. It means listening to your body instead of overriding it. How many of you have all of these feelings inside and you have to ignore them and you have to white knuckle through? You have to get through the moments. You have to, you have to, you have to. Your body is screaming, "I had to. " Right? And we're letting go of that. It's a lot to let go of. And it's also letting calm be normal, not suspicious. This is big. Okay? I'm going to say it again. Letting calm be normal, not suspicious because guess what? In healthy relationships, calm, peace, it's normal. Feels normal. It feels good. Feels like love. Calm in a toxic relationship is like, oh shit, something's wrong or something's coming. There's no calm. There's no true calm. It's just the calm before the storm in a toxic narcissistic relationship.

(10:56)
Okay. And this one, maybe write this one on down.

(11:04)
Your new identity doesn't need to be proven. It needs to be protected. We need to protect her. She's in there already. We're finding her. We're not really creating. I love to say creating because it's empowering to me to say that way, but we're really kind of re-igniting her. She's in there. Might not recognize her. She might be buried under some boo shit, but she's there. But it doesn't need to be proven to anyone. We have this compulsion to prove. We're going to get rid of that compulsion. I'm working on that with several clients right now. The compulsion to prove ourselves, the compulsion to be liked, be good enough, the compulsion to seek approval. Working on all those things with my clients in the somatic sense, healing from the body. And it's amazing work, and we need to protect it. So it's kind of like some rewiring and some protection because you're a damn queen and you need to protect it.

(12:20)
You are gold. What do we do with gold? We protect it. All right? So here's three identity anchors for the new year for you. Okay? So forget the whole resolution thing. Forget just becoming better. We're going to choose one identity anchor for you instead. Number one, I don't abandon myself anymore. Not for peace, not for approval, not to keep things smooth.

(12:56)
I no longer abandon myself anymore. That can be one an anchor. Another one, I decide before I explain. So you don't owe context to people who misuse access to you. You don't know them that. You decide. You don't have to explain shit to nobody. I remember my husband, I was so conditioned my whole life to overexplain myself. And if you know, you know, it is a compulsion. It is hardwired in there, it feels like, but it's not hardwired. I got rid of it. It's beautiful. And my husband turned to me one day and he said, I was explaining it was an RSVP to a party. And I was like, write in a damn paragraph, this compulsive, just like, "Oh God, I got to write all the reasons that overexplaining why I couldn't come to a damn party because I can't come. We don't need to write an essay." And he said, "Why do you feel the need to explain yourself in that detail?" He felt bad for me.

(14:13)
He's like, "That's a lot. That's a lot on you. " And I was like, "I never thought about that. I never thought about it. " And I was like, hmm, why do I? Because I've been conditioned to, because of my life and my past. So I stopped doing that. I actually, I love this book. It's called The Best Yes. I will try to remember to link it in the show notes, but if not, it's by Lisa. I can never think of her last name, but it's L-Y-S-A, I believe. But the best yes, I haven't read it in a while, but when I read it, it was really great. It was when I noticed that I was overexplaining and overbooking and just like that people pleasery side of me of trying to be good enough for everybody all the time. And it was a good book.

(15:09)
It's the best yes. It's like putting you, your family, and God basically first, but it's a good read. Okay? Anchor number three, peace is my baseline, not something I earn. I think this might be the big mama jama that you might want to cling to. Others are good too. I mean, I write some good shit. What am I going to say? Just kidding. But number three, I know peace is one of, because look, I've done all the market research with you guys. I talked to you guys. I have you fill out things when you get my Facebook group, things you desire. So many people just want peace. I just want peace. That is one of the biggest words. Is this peaceful for me? Is this person ... Do I feel peaceful when I'm around them? Do I leave them feeling at peace? So when I'm making new friends, when I'm deciding on things to do, oh, this party, am I going to feel at peace going?

(16:07)
It doesn't mean it has to be calm and like we're all zenned out. I can go party it up and dance and still be at peace or feel peaceful, right? But I know that is a buzzword for my audience. So I think this will probably be one of your favorites to hold onto. Peace is my baseline, not something I earn. So the second part of that is let's stop trying to earn our place, to earn our good enough, to earn our success by doing, doing, doing, being somebody else, doing for other people just because we have to abandon ourself. We said not to do that, right? You don't hustle for calm anymore. We're not going to hustle for calm because how crazy does that sound? Yet so many of us do it.

(17:03)
You're hustling to get to what? Our goal really should be peace and calm and joy. For me, that's not hustled. That's not proving myself anxiously awaiting other people's approvals and all of that that we might have done, but we're not now because this is 2026, baby. All right? So you protect it. Again, you've got to protect your peace. I mean, how many times can I say it on this podcast? Peace bubbles up, baby. Put your golden peace bubble up around you. Just imagine it. When someone's coming into your space, just put that bubble up and say, no, you cannot pass go. You cannot collect $200 from my peace bubble. Okay? So pick one of those. I'm a big fan of number three and let it guide your choices this year. Right? You could just use peace as your word. Does this give me peace? And not everything, obviously.

(18:12)
Some things like, I mean, does brushing ... Actually, brushing my teeth does bring me peace because then I don't have expensive dental bills, right? But you know what I mean. Okay? So what not to do this January? Quick button port. Don't rush your healing. We are not in a race. We're here for the long haul and that's how you're going to get the results that actually stick. There's no magic pill, but there is magic somatic healing. If you talk to my clients, it is. It's some good stuff. All right? And if you want to sign up, I have three, six and ... Wait, I can't even remember now. Geez, three months, six month, and one year programs. So I will put all of those in the show notes so you can check them out and sign up for which one feels good to you. Obviously, with each package, if you are committing to a longer time, I give you a reward by giving you a little lower price overall because I love committers.

(19:26)
I love people who are like, "I'm here for it. I'm here for the transformation." I love it. Okay. So don't recreate the chaos because calm feels unfamiliar. This can be a tough one. Start to feel the need like, "Oh my God, it's too calm. It's too calm." That's good. Remind yourself. That's why where the somatic healing does really come in very, very handy. When you're in this in between, right? When you're like, your body is not caught up with your mind. It's like, "I need chaos. What's happening? It's too quiet in here." So you're either going to do the thoughts or you're going to do just the go, go, go, or the throw yourself into work or the intense workouts or whatever. Don't force motivation. Build your safety first. Okay? So healing after narcissistic abuse isn't about doing more. It's about stopping the patterns that require you to disappear.

(20:30)
Okay? Stopping the patterns that require you to disappear. I mean, the authentic you disappears. The real you is here. We want her. We want her back. So before I wrap, not wrap like Eminem rap, but wrap it up, wrap. I want you to do this with me. Put one hand on your heart. Focus on the support under you. Chair, couch, wherever you are, ground. I don't know where you are. You in a bush and quietly say. You can repeat after me. Okay. I am no longer who I had to be. I am choosing who I get to be.

(21:24)
Now let your body feel that. Not your mind. I'm choosing who I get to be and I'm releasing this person I had to be. Oh, let her go. Let your shoulders feel that and say like, "That's okay.That's what I'm supposed to feel like. I'm supposed to feel like that. " Okay? So if this episode resonated, here's what I want you to know. You don't rebuild identity alone, right?This is heavy stuff, it's hard stuff, but if you work with me, we can have fun doing it. And I got some tools and tricks up my sleeve if you didn't know. And you can reclaim your sense of self, regulate your nervous system, right? Because your body is screaming probably and stop living in reaction mode. And I have these one-on-one coaching sessions. We do coaching. I help you understand some things about narcissists. If you want to go into that a little bit, some do.

(22:34)
Some are kind of past that. Understand things about yourself, why you may have done certain things, why in this situation, any guilt you have. We're releasing all of this stuff, understanding and releasing, understand the narcissist. If you're co-parenting, dealing with that, I am going to coach you on dealing with the co-parent. Or if you do have a mother or a sibling, someone you absolutely feel like you have to have some sort of contact with or you're trying to get out of contact with them, we work on all that stuff. But then the other beautiful part that is missing from a lot of coaching is this somatic healing side that is healing from the body that is missing from so much in the world because our bodies remember, they save, they store everything. You get sick, you get cancer, you get ... And I'm not trying to be all woo-woo and weird, but we know this, right?

(23:28)
You know stress causes a lot of stuff in your body and you get to build self-trust and self-confidence again through releasing these old stories through your body, these stories that these conditions, right? You've been conditioned, you've been controlled. You get to release all of this. Okay? So if you're interested in that, like I said, I will put the links in my little description area in whatever podcast you are watching. Go click away, read about it, sign up for one that feels good to you. And if you want a self ... That's that one-on-one huge transformation. If you want a self-paced, lower ticket item, empowered boundaries course is amazing if you really suck at setting boundaries or sticking to boundaries. I'll put it plainly. So that's there. And I have a couple freebies, my Facebook group, women like you up in there. I'm going to be doing more lives this year and there and stuff, maybe some group calls.

(24:34)
So make sure to sign up for the Facebook community. It's private, all women, and there's questions to make sure that there's no bots or anybody creepy hanging out in there. Okay? And that's why you have to fill out the questions too, to get in. So everything's in the show notes. You were never broken, baby. You were solid gold. You're still solid gold. That brick is still in there, right? So we just got to sweep all that nasty crap off of you and help you shine again. You get to decide who you are without anyone controlling your life. And that might feel weird. It might feel uncomfortable, but if you keep healing, you keep doing the work, you will get to release that and be ... You will find that joy. I feel like a lot of people feel like, "Oh, I'll never be joyful or how I used to be.

(25:30)
" It's not true. So let's cut that shit out.

(25:36)
Beauty happens when you believe and when you receive. So we work on all those things in my coaching. So also Thursday, well, it'll be literally New Year's, right? And I will be doing a Thrive In Five quickie if you don't know if you don't follow me. Hello, welcome. We have our regular longer episodes on Tuesdays and our Thrives in Fives, which is a little somatic healing sesh in five minutes or less or sometimes a little longer because I'm chatty if you don't know, but no more than 10 for sure, I don't think, on Thursdays. Okay? So also make sure you're following my podcast so you get the notification that says, "Yo, bitches, I'm back." Of course you want that. So make sure you hit the follow. I am on YouTube now if you like to see people when they talk. I don't know why you'd want to see this, but some people say, "Do video." So I'm doing video on the YouTube.

(26:41)
So I will try to put that link. I always forget to put that link in there, but I am on YouTube. It's Christie Jade there too. You can find me even if you just Google it up. And yeah, that's it, I think. Happy new year and not happy new you, but happy finding that amazing golden brick inside of you, bringing that back out. I'm here for it. Are you here for it? You in? All right. Come sign up so we can do some amazing one-on-one work. All right. Smooches and deuces!

Why Narcissists Get Worse at Christmas (And Why It Triggers You So Deeply)

Tue, 23 Dec 2025 06:01:00 -0500

Christmas is supposed to feel joyful — but for many women healing from narcissistic abuse, it feels heavy, tense, and emotionally exhausting.

If you notice anxiety creeping in, your body staying on high alert, or old wounds resurfacing at Christmas — even if you’re no longer in the relationship — this episode will help you understand why.

In this Christmas special, we’re breaking down why narcissists often get worse during the holidays, how Christmas activates trauma stored in the nervous system, and what you can do to protect your peace without forcing yourself to feel festive.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why narcissists are especially triggered by Christmas and family-centered events
How holiday expectations create the perfect environment for manipulation and control
Why your nervous system reacts before your mind can explain it
Common ways narcissists sabotage Christmas, both subtly and overtly
How to create a more regulated, emotionally safe holiday experience

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
Learn how to set and hold boundaries without spiraling into guilt or over-explaining.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

If you’re ready for deeper, supported healing — especially during emotionally charged seasons like the holidays — I offer longer-term 1:1 containers designed to help you stabilize, rebuild, and reclaim your peace over time.

3-Month Container
Focused support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and begin rebuilding peace and self-trust.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

6-Month Container
Extended support to deepen the work, practice boundaries in real life, and integrate new patterns with consistency.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

12-Month Container
Long-term mentorship and steady support while you rebuild your life at a grounded, sustainable pace.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts:
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/
Empowered Boundaries Course:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Free Facebook Community:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

Questions or support: https://christyjade.podbean.com/e/ep-5-the-grey-rock-method-how-to-disconnect-from-narcissistic-abusers/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello, queens. If you have ever found yourself thinking, why does Christmas feel so heavy? Or why am I on edge when everyone else seems excited? This episode is for you because when you've dealt with a narcissist, Christmas doesn't really feel festive. It feels like pressure, performance, and emotional landmines. So today we're going to talk about why narcissists get worse at Christmas and why your body reacts before your mind even knows what's happening. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back? Well, you're in the right place, Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dried ice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here. To feel free, I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:07):

Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun, because I'm sparkly in fun, so of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep that chamomile tea, silence all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. Okay. So welcome back. I'm Christie Jade. If you are new here, welcome, welcome. This is Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. All the fun things about understanding the narcissist, recovering from the narcissist, starting your new life maybe without the narcissist or how to navigate if you do have to keep in touch with the narcissist, right? But the holidays can be so tricky in all of those ways. So if you're listening to this wall wrapping presents, sitting in your car, hiding in the bathroom, maybe with the chocolate, or trying to hold it together while everyone else is talking about how magical the season is, I want you to know something.

(02:11):

Nothing is wrong with you. If Christmas brings up dread instead of joy, if your chest feels tight, if you feel on edge, emotional or maybe numb and disconnected, this episode is going to help you. All right? So why do narcissists get worse at Christmas? You may have guessed this or felt like they do, but why would they? Let's start there. Christmas is emotionally loaded. A lot of expectations, as we all know, traditions, family pressure, kids making memories, performance, right? There's a lot of performing going on and narcissists thrive in environments like this. Christmas gives them built-in attention, right? Built in guilt, built in control, the big runner of their life, and built in audience. I say this because it's especially true here. The holidays are like a narcissist Super Bowl. Okay? They don't experience Christmas as connection like we do. They experience it as an opportunity.

(03:19):

So this could be an opportunity to control the mood, to play the victim, to be the hero. That's often a big one around holidays. Or quietly sabotage joy without looking like the bad guy. And if kids are involved, which I know a lot of you are co-parenting, Christmas becomes leverage, schedules, gifts, plans, traditions. It's all emotionally charged and it's easy to manipulate. And who's really good at manipulating? Yes, yes. Leonard. So if you ever thought, why is he or she so much worse at Christmas, you're not imagining it. There is a pattern. Okay? This goes also for other holidays and birthdays, especially yours. So you can use some of this stuff also in relation to those. So what are some common ways they ruin Christmas? We're going to name this clearly because clarity is coming for our pretty little nervous systems. So narcissists often ruin Christmas by creating last minute chaos.

(04:31):

You have a plan, you've maybe created that plan with them. They're going to maybe burn it to the ground just because, nothing like a little last Christmas chaos, last minute chaos. Picking fights right before events, right? Right before, maybe it's the kid trade-off. Maybe if you do kind of co-parent and have meals together, I don't know if that's possible with some, even though you're not comfortable, you may do it anyway because you have done some people pleasing in your life. Maybe you do it for the kids. They will pick fights right before or even during these events.

(05:11):

They can ruin it by withholding affection, cooperation or money like they do in a relationship. So if you are still in a relationship with them, or even if you are not, they can use especially the money thing during times where there's gift giving. They can play the victim when boundaries are set, like your boundaries or some awful weapon when it's just protecting you and your peace, maybe your child's peace, and making everything about their feelings or quietly draining the joy with tension, size, passive comments. It depends on what type of narcissist they are. It's not always loud. It can be somewhat subtle sometimes you have to look for it. And that subtlety is what can make you doubt yourself though, right? Those specific type of narcissists. You're like, "Am I being too sensitive? Maybe I'm reading into this. Why can't I just enjoy this? It's Christmas." But your nervous system knows something your mind keeps trying to override.

(06:21):

Your nervous system knows something. Your mind is trying to just kind of dismiss. Okay? So why Christmas triggers you even if you're out?

(06:37):

This is the part I really want you to hear. Christmas doesn't just trigger memories, which you can. It triggers stored survival responses. Your body remembers the walking on eggshells. It remembers managing moods, someone's specific moods. It remembers performing happiness. It remembers trying to keep the peace. It remembers bracing for something to go wrong. I want you to feel that one, okay? You feel that in your nervous system? I know you do. The body remembers that feeling. Bracing for something to go wrong, just waiting on pins and needles for something to go wrong because it always does. Even if the narcissist isn't physically present in your daily life anymore, your nervous system learned Christmas equals vigilance. And here's the grief aspect. There's grief for the family hoped for, the Christmas you wanted, hoped for, the version of joy that never felt safe.

(07:55):

It's like you became comfortable with a joy that was not safe, if that makes sense. And society makes this harder because everyone says, "But it's Christmas," which can make you in turn feel broken or like something's wrong with you or not feeling the same elated joy that others are, but you're not broken. You're responding normally to abnormal experiences. I'll say that again. You're responding normally to abnormal experiences that have taken place. So a quick somatic reset. Let's give your nervous system a moment of safety here. Okay? Wherever you are, just pause. And if you're driving, save this for later. But if you're not and you're in a place you can do this, look around and find one thing your eyes naturally want to rest on. Mine obviously, again, want to rest on a flamingo, because why not? They're so fun and pink and gorgeous and just make me happy.

(09:10):

All right? But don't analyze it. Just notice it.

(09:15):

This gaze. Now name three things you can see. Two things you can physically feel. I've got a little fuzzy blanket next to me, like pay attention to the texture. And then one thing that feels even slightly comforting right now. Okay. Once you've done that, you can slow, slowly breathe in through your nose, long exhale through your mouth. Nothing to fix. Nothing to force. Reminding your body, I am safe in this moment. Okay? And how do you protect your piece this Christmas? It's not about creating the perfect Christmas. Okay? I don't know if any of us really have that. It's about creating a regulated one. So a few things that can actually help. First, lowering your expectations strategically. So not as defeat, but as a protection, right? Not saying, "Oh, all that. " Not making it so heavy, but more like, "You know what? I'm going to try to enjoy myself as much as I can, might not be perfect, and I'm going to place my boundaries up.

(11:04):

I'm going to lower my expectations." Giving permission to have lower expectations, right? Giving permission. It's okay. I'm in a situation where I might not have that elated joy right now. Maybe that'll change in the future, but right now I'm not there. So I'm going to lower my expectations so I actually can have a little more joy. It sounds weird, but that is how it works.

(11:33):

As a protection for yourself. Next, shorten visits and conversations. Gray rock method the heck out of the narcissist if you can. If you don't know what that is, I'll try to remember to put the link in my description box for the Gray Rock Method episode. Create new neutral traditions instead of forcing old ones. Create something new, right? Decide one boundary you will not negotiate with in relation to this and give yourself permission to opt out of something that costs too much energetically for you. Or maybe it's monetary too. All of these things can wreak havoc on our nervous systems. Spending too much money, too much energy on top of dealing with the trauma you may be dealing with. So we don't need to add the layers on. We don't need to perform. We don't need to have the best thing or the most presence for our kids or the matching pajamas.

(12:55):

I mean, if I have them, great. I mean, they're cute, but this is not a need here.

(13:02):

You just need to protect yourself enough to get through it, to get through it. And I do believe the more you do these things and the expectations when you lower and give yourself permission, like, "I'm going to enjoy it in my way," you actually will end up feeling a little more joyful than you may have thought. So your next step, if you're navigating guilt, family pressure, or boundary conversations, I have a free boundaries pocket guide. If you don't have it, it's always in the description box. It's free and it walks you through how to set and hold boundaries without the guilt.

(13:47):

There's also a boundaries course. If you are like, "I really need help with boundaries," majorly I will put that in there. You can click the link, read about it. And of course, if you want transformational, we are not messing around. I cannot do this anymore energy and you're ready to do the work. And I was just talking to a client about this today. I say the work in quotes because yes, there's certain actions you have to take, but a lot of the work when you work with me is the somatic healing, the body healing where it's like you get a break from really overthinking. And I know a lot of you overthink, including myself, people who've gone through narcissistic abuse, we get all sorts of fun in our head. So we go on journeys together. Think of it as it's healing journeys, visualizations, meditations, all different methods, but you are receiving.

(14:57):

Instead of doing, you are receiving and you are healing through your body. And it's just refreshing to have that release rather than working and thinking and writing in the journal and all those things have their place. But somatic healing is just something so amazing that you don't really get exactly until you do it. So I try to explain it the best I can and you can click and look at the description further to see if it's a match for what you need right now. I have three month, six month and one year long programs.

(15:39):

You're going to get transformation no matter what. I actually just now changed. I used to do monthly. I no longer do monthlies because it's just the insane transformation you get at three months, six months to ... It's for something like narcissistic abuse, it's not an overnight fix. Can I do one session and help you? Yeah. Can I do a month? And you'd be like, wow, that was really helpful. Yeah. But I have found the most beneficial for my clients that sweet spot of three months or more is just overwhelmingly transformational. That's the only word I can really use. It's epic, mind-blowing stuff that happens in these sessions, the somatic. And of course, we do coaching and some talk therapy type stuff as well. Depending on where you are in your journey, we may do half a session kind of coaching, the next half hour doing somatic.

(16:54):

It depends on where you are in your journey and also what that week looks like for you. For example, I had a client this week that there was a lot going on with her ex. And so there was a lot of dialogue between them. So it was kind of thinking about, okay, he did this, talking at logistical and what should I do here? So there was a lot of talking and a lot of what do we do moving forward? Sometimes there's legal stuff involved that I will ... I'm not a lawyer. I will never claim to be a lawyer, but I can help in creating questions for your lawyer and just advising, but never without an attorney stamp. But there's all sorts of stuff we can talk about and sometimes it's talkier. But then I have another client this week that she just was so overwhelmed this week and just she's healing.

(17:57):

She's much more empowered, but with that empowerment comes the narcissist can sometimes come up a little harder and you feel more empowered, but it's like, woo, okay, I did that. I'm so excited. I was able to do that and set that boundary and stick with that boundary, but I'd love a release. So we did an epic hour long somatic journey where she was just like, "Oh my gosh, this is better than any therapy I've ever had. This is mind blowing." So every session is going to look different for every person. And even for each person, every session won't be exactly the same. Might be 10 minutes of talk, 40 of somatic, might be 40 of somatic, 10 of talk. So I just want to give you a better idea and you can always email me and ask me if you want to jump on a quick call to get more clarity on what the work we do looks like.

(19:03):

And if you don't know, with the three month and above, which is all my programs that I'm doing right now, they have the bonus of Voxer, which is a walkie-talkie app. You can either leave a voice message. Most my clients just text on it, but in between sessions, you are allowed to text me. And I just got, someone texted just two really big wins they had after our session related to that. So that was cool. And then people will ask questions or, "Hey, I just need a little guidance. What do you think I should do? " Or, "Hey, I just need a little pep talk." Whatever you need between sessions, you get to have that space there. So that's the bonuses. And now that there's no monthly, I didn't have that with monthly. I have that with, it's called the Voxer is the app. I forget if I said that, but I have that with the three month and above.

(20:04):

So whatever program you choose, you're going to get that as a bonus. Like, what? It's the hotness. It's the hot queen level shit. All right. So sorry I blabbed on about that, but I feel like it's hard to convey in just a couple seconds what sessions are like. Maybe I should do an episode just describing what sessions are like. So if someone's interested, they could just listen to that. All right. So if Christmas does feel heavy, it doesn't mean you are failing at healing or you're damaged or broken. It means your body is telling the truth about what it's been through. Remember, our body stores everything and our mind is up here going over here and our body's still storing stuff. And so we're still going to feel it. So be gentle with yourself, okay? Protect your peace. That's like my motto. Protect your peace with your golden peace bubble.

(21:05):

Put it on. Everybody strap it on for the holidays. And remember, you don't owe anyone a performance. You don't have to get sucked into all the things all the people are doing out there. You be you, you listen to your body and what you can and can't do, what capacity you have. Can we really normalize that? We all have different capacities and that's okay.

(21:36):

And some people you see out there that are doing all the things and you're like, "Man, they're Superwoman." You know they're far past their capacity and they're having a damn mental breakdown inside. So everything isn't what it seems either. Okay? I just want to make that really clear. Capacity, it's a thing. We all have different capacities. That's okay. Let's normalize that. It's okay if you don't have the capacity to make ... I don't know. I don't make anything. I don't have the capacity to bake all these. My daughter does. She's the baker in this house. Gosh, all these people baking 50 million cookies and doing all the things, that's their thing. It brings them joy. Good. But the pressure to do all the things around the holidays on top of dealing with what your triggers or if you have to co-parent with a narc, I mean, there's a lot.

(22:35):

Give yourself a break. This is your holiday season too. Do joy your way at your capacity. All right? All right. So Thursday. Oh my gosh. I don't think I'm going to do ... Am I going to do a Thursday show? Is that Christmas Day? It is. Christmas Eve. Am I going to ... Gosh, will you even listen? Do you even want one? I feel like I'm ... I know I should listen to myself right now. I should be like, do I have the capacity? I guess if I have the capacity to do a Christmas Eve show, I will. I will see if I have ... I am taking off. Technically, I'm not working starting tomorrow through the rest of the week. I have no clients. Today we're my last few clients for this week. I only had a few today. And then I'm going to start.

(23:30):

I'm going to have more next week again, but I took off Tuesday through Friday. So if I have extra capacity and I want to jump on and do a little mini Thrivent five, I will, but I'm not putting the pressure on myself. That's going to be my Christmas present to myself because I love my work. So it doesn't always feel like work and I love doing it and I want you guys to just be happy and thrive in all this. So I feel like this compulsion at the same time to do the things, even if it's a little past my capacity. But I'm going to honor my capacity since I'm preaching that today. All right? So everyone, this holiday week, I solemnly swear I will not push past my capacity at the end. All right. So I will either see you Thursday or Tuesday and you have a Merry, Merry Christmas or Hanukkah if you had just celebrated Hanukkah.

(24:37):

Kwanzaa, all the holidays. Whatever you celebrate, I hope you can find your type of joy at your capacity this holiday season, and I will see you in the next episode. Move to.

A Nervous System Reset You Can Do WITH Your Child

Thu, 18 Dec 2025 06:01:00 -0500

When your child is stressed or dysregulated — especially after time with a narcissistic, high-conflict, or toxic person — you don’t need the perfect words.

In this Thrive in Five, I share a simple 5-minute co-regulation practice you can do with your child to help their nervous system settle and feel safe again.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why you don’t need to fix or explain in these moments
A step-by-step 5-minute regulation tool
How to help your child feel safe without forcing conversation

This tool works after exchanges, during anxiety or shutdowns, and with any stressed or anxious child — not just in narcissistic co-parenting situations.

Your Next Step in Healing
If co-parenting with a narcissist is impacting your peace or your child’s emotional safety, my 3-Month Transformational Coaching Deep-Dive provides grounded support, boundaries, and nervous-system regulation.

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

Free Support

Boundaries Pocket Guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/peaceloveandboundaries

Questions? Email me at https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

Free Support

Boundaries Pocket Guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/peaceloveandboundaries

📧 Questions? Email me at fiercemamac@gmail.com

Coping Tools for Kids: What to Do With Your Child When a Narcissist Creates Chaos

Tue, 16 Dec 2025 06:01:00 -0500

Episode Summary
When you’re co-parenting with a narcissist, your child often absorbs stress they don’t have words for yet. Meltdowns, shutdowns, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm aren’t misbehavior — they’re nervous system responses to chaos.

In this episode, Christy shares simple coping tools you can do with your child — not lectures, not fixing, not “calm down” energy — but practical nervous-system supports that create safety, connection, and regulation for both of you.

These tools are especially helpful for parents navigating high-conflict co-parenting, post-separation abuse, or emotional manipulation from the other parent.

What You’ll Learn

Why kids feel narcissistic chaos in their bodies before they can explain it
How to help your child regulate without talking badly about the other parent
Simple nervous-system tools you can do together
Why regulating yourself first is the most powerful parenting move
How repair builds more safety than perfection ever could

Your Next Step in Healing
If you’re trying to support your child while also holding yourself together in a high-conflict co-parenting dynamic, you don’t have to do this alone.

I offer 1:1 coaching and somatic support to help you regulate your nervous system, set grounded boundaries, and show up as the calm anchor your child needs — even when the other parent creates chaos.

👉 Transformational Coaching Monthly
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

Additional Support & Resources

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts (for high-conflict communication):
00:00):

Hello, hello Queens. It's your other queen. Are we queening today? Are we full of queen energy? Good. I have got a special episode for you today that actually one of my clients asked if I would do a podcast dedicated to this. And when you guys want me to do something, I say how, hi, because I'm here for you baby. Alright. In all seriousness, if you are co-parenting with a narcissist, your child is likely absorbing stress that they do not have language for yet, maybe depending on their age, even if they're teens though, it's hard to navigate this stuff as an adult, let alone a teenager or a child, right? So in this episode, I am sharing coping tools you can do with your child, not lectures, not fixing, not calm down energy, which of course I don't want that, right? But simple nervous system tools that build safety together.

(01:01)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christy wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dried ice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:59)
Okay? So when a narcissist creates chaos, which they do, kids feel it in their bodies first. They may not say I'm dysregulated, but they say it with meltdowns, withdrawal, irritability, stomach aches. And here's the part I want you to hear. Clearly, your child does not need you to explain the narcissist. They need you to help their body feel safe with you. And I say this to a lot of my clients, I've said it on here, one of your best weapons against the narcissist is being an amazing role model, a calm energy, the peace for your child, no matter what the narcissist is doing, no matter how your child is acting toward you, that's another episode, right? I'm not saying you don't discipline your child and guide them and lead them and teach them, but you stay calm, peaceful energy, right? It's a hard job, but someone's got to do it and it ain't the narc.

(03:04)
So today, these are tools you can do together side by side that help your child regulate and it helps you stay grounded too. So it two birds with one stone baby. Okay? So tool number one, name what you see without fixing. So instead of you are okay, which that's such a common thing I feel like even in my own upbringing, which is fine, love you, mama, but even generationally, that's something, you're fine. You're okay. And I'm not what we're talking about, but saying, you're okay, it's not a big deal. Instead of that try, I see your shoulders are really tense or looks like something feels heavy right now, then pause. This tells your child, my experience makes sense, right? They know they're feeling off. They may not really think it through as much, but I think saying your shoulders are, you look like something's weighing on you, however you want to put that in child terms, okay?

(04:20)
So just even that, just naming what you see without fixing it. Because often as parents, we want to, and even my personality, okay? I am a fixer by nature. I want to fix everything, all the things, save the world. Actually right now, I'm waiting to see if my husband will take me to go try to find a lost dog, okay? It's story of my life. I just, whatever. I'm a problem solver, fixer. Many of you're like that. We're empaths, we're sensitive. So we want to fix problems and make everything happy. Happy. We can't, by the way, spoiler alert, we cannot save the world, but we can do the best damn job we can with our kids and ourselves. So just helping them feel like, sorry, if you're watching them on YouTube, I have this hair that's stuck. It's really pissing me off all. But if you are just naming something to the child, they are able to first feel validated and seen, which is important, especially if you have a narc other parent.

(05:29)
So that's really important. And then just so they even kind of know, oh yeah, that's true, just observing. And you're dealing with a somatic healer right here. So observation is a very big in the somatic world, we don't always have to fix everything right away, obviously we want to heal and learn those tools too. But just observing is a great start. Tool number two, orient together. I've definitely mentioned this one orienting, but it's like a visual safety. So you can say, let's look around and name three things we like seeing, right? We're keeping it very positive. And you can name colors, cozy things, palm trees, flamingos. I'm looking at a flamingo right now. Basically, I think I have a flamingo in every room. That's my happy place. The beach, all things Resorty, palmy, flamingo. Favorite objects, if you're in their room, if you could name their little bunny they sleep with, maybe the pet, the pet's nearby, right?

(06:39)
Oh my little cute little Scooby-Doo over there. Holiday lights. It's that time of year right now, something that is positive. And this brings the nervous system out of the fight or flight and back into the present moment. And you can do it with them, not as a command. So let's look around and name three things we like seeing and you can alternate or you go first and then they go, especially the first time you're giving them a little example. Tool number three, move the stress out together. So stress gets stuck in kids' bodies just like it does ours, right? So you can try shaking the arms and legs together and making it fun. Just say, let's be a shaky spider. I just made that up. Wasn't that great? The shaky spider dance, right? And just, yeah, I'm a little cuckoo, but hey, it makes for fun.

(07:43)
My daughter has a blast. I mean, we do silly things like that, especially she's getting a little older now. She's a little t twining here. So now she might look at me, roll her eyes, but she's still doing it. In another year, she's probably going to just be rolling her eyes at me jumping for 10 seconds. Again, you can make it fun. One thing I actually have done with my daughter, just as I have tools just for any nervousness before tests or she had a little perfectionism. So after tests, if she didn't get an A, oh my gosh, to kind of get rid of that energy often I would take her outside too that she said, because now she's gotten better. She goes, it really helped when I was younger, you taking me out of the house, cutting that little cycle. So that's another thing is changing your space.

(08:37)
And if you can't go outside, you just go to another room. But changing where you are, the environment. But if you can go outside, get the fresh air, maybe get those toes in the dirt, old dirty toes, that can definitely shift the mind and get you out of that. You could do for younger kids, maybe not your tweens or teens. Stretching like animals. That's always fun, right? Oh, I'm a cat. You could do cat cow, like the yoga poses. And another thing that sets off certain good chemicals in the brain is slow, exaggerated neons. It's making me on, I have a great, actually this is for you guys. You can do this with kids too. This is kind of like a side note of just how to just relax. It takes the attention away. And you'll notice. So if you are on just audio, I'm going to put my YouTube link in the description so you can watch this.

(09:43)
This is awesome, but I'll try to describe it as best I can for those who are just listening, and I can't even really do it. I'm holding my microphone. Let me see if I can put my microphone up in a sec so I don't have to. Okay? Yeah. So you put both your hands behind your head, right? You're like, dang, sex, you look good like clasp behind your head and you put your eyes to the right all the way as far as you can. You're looking at your right elbow until you yawn. It will happen. It actually will happen. See it happen. Then you look all the way to the left until you yawn. It always takes me more time on the left. I have no idea why I'm not going to wait for it. You guys might fall asleep by the time I get there.

(10:40)
No, usually it takes like three seconds if that on my right and then takes me 30 seconds on my left. Okay? It's crazy. It's crazy town work. But then your neck and everything is a little looser. It is a real thing. You can test it. So before you actually do it, you kind of slowly turn your head to the right, to the left to see how tense it is. When you notice your neck is tense, then you do that move. Look to the right, look to the left, do your yawning, and you will see the magical result that you actually, it's not as stiff proven scientific mayhem that I cannot explain because I don't like all the science stuff. Someone else who's sciencey can tell you more about it. Go look it up. I'm just kidding. I should find out so I can tell you. All right. So anyway, hey, you can do that with any child who can follow directions. So that's another thing. So getting into the physical body to move the stress out. Tool number four, give the feeling a job. I like this one. So instead of asking kids to stop feeling, give the feelings somewhere to go, okay, you can draw it, right? That's good. Old therapy 1 0 1, paint your feelings.

(12:05)
I had to draw my feelings. I remember in kindergarten, and I remember, I literally remember having to do it. I had separation anxiety with my mom. I did not want to let go of her leg when I started kindergarten, but my parents had just separated. It was a hard time. And so I would not let her go every day. And finally they took me to the school guidance counselor. And I remember, I still can remember in kindergarten, drawing my little family, and it was so sad. I drew my dad far away. We had just separated. I still saw him, but there he was all by himself in the corner. So there you go. You can draw it, draw it. You can squeeze a pillow, you can stomp it out. You can wrap up in a blanket. Maybe you could play burrito. Roll 'em up and just let 'em feel nice and cozy and safe.

(13:03)
But ask 'em what feeling you have. Maybe it's sad. You could say, Hmm, you want to draw it. You give 'em options, right? Something that is very important in my work I do with you guys, is getting you to make choices for yourself again, for you to build your confidence. Your self trust is so important. It's for most of you has been lost. If you ever had it, depending at the start in childhood, you may have never trusted yourself. And often that can come later to be people pleaser tendencies can be out of that. So this is what I build with my clients. But also if your kids have a narcissist parent, they may also get scrutinized for certain choices or words or whatever. So they may like you. Be careful, walk on eggshells. Just nervous to say or do the wrong thing. So letting them choose.

(14:10)
Here's this feeling you're saying you have anger. Would you like to scribble it out or would you like to stomp it out, or would you like to run it out? I worked with a lot of a DHD kids and we would do similar things, right? It's getting feelings, getting these energies out because they need somewhere to go. So they don't come out in unhealthy ways. I'm trying to think of another, let's say for withdrawal. That one could be along the lines of, let's wrap you up like a burrito. And just because withdrawal, they're withdrawing, they don't feel safe. So wrapping up a burrito and just letting them observe, how do you feel? What can you do When you don't feel safe, you can hug yourself. So they could give themselves a hug. They could draw something that makes them feel safe. Even when they're not feeling safe, they can draw a picture of that bunny they're sleeping with or whatever.

(15:15)
You get the vibe I'm going for. So in this work too, this is also stuff I work with you as your soul self when we work together. But I also, a lot of parents do ask for more specific tools they can work on with their kids. So it's more customized. Obviously, if we're doing one-on-one work, check the description for ways to work with me. And starting in January, which is right around the corner, we will be doing either three, six or 3, 6, 3 months, six months or 12 packages only. There will be no more monthly. So if you want to get in a one-off, get in there quick because otherwise you are committed to mid bay for three whole months. But we're having a lot of fun. In my one-on-one sessions, amazing work is happening. I'm really excited about just this upcoming year, all the things.

(16:17)
But these tools teach emotional safety without the shame. We don't want to shame anybody for having their feelings. Tool number five, regulate yourself out loud. So you can say, I notice my body feels tense, so I'm taking a slow breath. No lecture, no teaching moment, just modeling. You're just observing what you are doing. Kids learn, right? Their eyes are always watching. They're always watching us. They're sponges, right? These are sayings we have because they're true. They learn regulation by watching, not by being told what to do. Sometimes that might stick, but kids, they're observing, they're learning how to live. They're learning how to cope. They're learning, and they're learning by watching you. That's why I say you be that steady, peaceful love bubble for them as much as you can. Again, I'm not saying you coddle. You don't coddle. I'm not a big fan of the coddling. We need to teach them how to cope in healthy ways. And the world is not going to hold them in the big burrito all the time. So they need to learn how to regulate themselves. Okay? And you guys need to remember too, you don't have to be calm all the time.

(17:51)
And healing is not perfection. I'm talking for yourself, for your kids. We're always going to be healing. No one reaches as, oh, I'm totally healed. Am I like centuries past where I was even five years ago, 10 years ago? Yes. But it is a journey. It is not like, oh, I wish I was healed. And I hear that from my clients, God, it's been this long. The funny part is some people say, oh, it's been two months already. And I'm some say, oh, it's been five years, it's been 10 years. So there's this moving bar. No, just with grief. Just like with grief, there is no timeline of exactly when you're supposed to be quote over it. And we'll never be exactly over it. I'm not trying to say that to be negative. To me that's positive because it means I don't have pressure to get to a certain spot by any point.

(18:54)
But there are ways to accelerate this healing and somatic healing is one of the many ways, but somatic healing is, it is mind blowing work. The work I've been doing just today, I had a client tell me that she has been doing therapy for years. And she said, but now I'm doing the actual work like this somatic healing. We do coaching too. So with her, I generally do a half hour of coaching, talking, figuring out the narcissist mind in a way, how to navigate, how to have conversation with this person, et cetera. And then the other half is the somatic work. We go on ation. You know what I mean? You don't know what I mean. Maybe we do somatic work. If you don't know, you've come this far. Now you get a little speech at the end. No, but it's healing from the body.

(19:53)
So the mindset work is great, but without the body work, because your body remembers everything and is not always caught up, it's mostly not caught up with the mind. So it's very important to be doing both phases of healing and the somatic stuff for me and my experience. And like my client said, today it is this accelerated version of healing, but it doesn't feel overwhelming, it doesn't feel heavy. We go slowly. And she said, it's like these small steps, but then there's these big results. So it's amazing work. If you want more information, you can always email me. My email will be in the show notes as well. Alright, so if this episode did help you, it's because these tools are not just for kids. They're for who. Never had someone help their nervous system feel safe.

(20:53)
Did I hit something there? Did I hit something right? We maybe didn't get that from our parent or someone else. Generationally, a lot of us probably did not. If you were one of the lucky ones that did congratulations, good job for your parent. But when you support your child in this way, you are also healing something in yourself. And you are stopping the cycle. You're stopping this cycle so that then your child is how many steps ahead for their child that they can teach them tools, they can teach them how to cope in healthy ways. So you're doing way better than you think. I know from experience, a lot of my clients are you right? You are my clients. Think that you're not doing enough or you're maybe not parenting perfectly and you're very hard on yourselves and you're very worried. And I get it.

(21:56)
We worry about our children, but we can't give any child a perfect childhood. We can't guard them from all the things that happen in the world. What we can do is give them the tools to be able to regulate themselves, help their own minds, help their own bodies. And not only does that help them protect them, that bleeds out into the world. And I love a good domino effect. Can I get a what One? Yes. Yay. Alright, so if you like this episode so much, you want to scream it from the rooftops, go share it anywhere with anyone. I mean, really, most people could stand to use some nervous system settlers. So even if you just have a friend that has an overwhelmed kid, these tools could be helpful. So please share this episode and of course, follow the podcast if you're not already following it.

(22:58)
So you get notified whenever I post, which is two times a week. It's Tuesdays and Thursdays. So Tuesdays are the full episodes. And then we have our Thrive in five on Thursdays, which are a little somatic fun's, like a little bite-size, somatic healing tool of the week. That is always related to Tuesday's episode. So on this Thursday, I might go maybe a little more deeply into one of these tools. So if you have a favorite, join my Facebook private group. Go in there and you can post and tell me which tool you liked, and if you want me to go deeper into it to give more examples or whatever, I love to just work from your feedback, right? So thank you guys for listening. See you in the next episode. Love.

A 5-Minute Reset to Stay Calm When a Narcissist Triggers You

Thu, 11 Dec 2025 06:01:00 -0500

Triggered by a narcissist? In today’s 5-minute reset, I’m giving you the exact process to stop the spiral, calm your nervous system, and shut down the bait before you get pulled into the chaos.

If you freeze, overthink, or feel your body react instantly when they say something snarky, passive-aggressive, or manipulative — this quick reset will help you stay grounded, clear, and in your power.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

What’s really happening in your body when a narcissist triggers you
The fastest way to interrupt the emotional hijack
A simple somatic grounding tool you can use anytime, anywhere
How to shift from reacting → responding
Why staying calm is your strongest boundary

Take five minutes with me today. Your nervous system will thank you. 💛

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TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five. Your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you queens. Have you ever felt that sting in your body? When the narcissist tries to bait you today, we're going to do a five minute reset to shut down that reaction. So their chaos doesn't get to run your nervous system anymore. You in? Alright, so you know when the narcissist throws bait, they love to do it right? The snarky text, the guilt trip, the twist of the truth. Familiar with that one? Yeah. Your body reacts before your brain even has time to catch up, right? There's that spike in your chest, the heat behind your eyes and your head like you just are so frustrated, angry, confused, and then you can even get the urge to fire back.

(01:06)
Or maybe you have fired back. That's not you being too much or sensitive. It is your nervous system trying to protect you from their fire, right? Their chaos. So today we're going to do a five minute reset that helps you stay unbeatable no matter what they throw at you, right? You get to be in control. So first we're going to step one for, this is the name it Tam it Body check. So you can say out loud like me because I'm a loud mouth, I like to say everything out loud. All my thoughts say out loud or just silently to yourself. My body is reacting, but I'm safe in this moment. And then observe and somatic healing. We do a lot of observing. So observe, where is the tightness? Where is that heat? Where did your breath go? And you're not fixing anything. You are locating the activation.

(02:06)
And the moment you name it, the amygdala chills out by about 30%. Isn't that amazing? I love that. So that's one of the tools you're getting, I think five today. So step two, the stone spine posture shift. So this one stops the spiraling really fast. So you can sit or stand tall and imagine a stone column running up your spine. Ancient but sexy. That's weird. Why did I just call it column sexy? I don't know. Ancient. I didn't want it to feel ancient. I wanted it to just be golden and unbreakable and heavy in a good way. Grounded. So imagine that going up your spine and say, I am rooted. I am not moving with their chaos. You're unshakeable. Okay? And your body then receives the signal. We don't chase the bait. No, no, we don't defend. We don't perform and we don't sink ourselves to their level.

(03:15)
Okay, step three, the four, two exhale drop. So we do a lot of breath work in working with me, right? My clients, we're going to practice a little one. You inhale for four through the nose and then you exhale for two seconds longer than the inhale could just be four, six, but this is what it's called. So inhale through the nose. Four, you're exhaling. Six seconds, you're expelling. And why does that work? Because the longer exhales actually flip your body from flight or fight, fight or flight to rest and respond, which is exactly the state that you need to stay in to stay out of their traps. Okay? Step four, the micro boundary mantra. So you can choose one of these phrases and say it slowly. I don't respond from activation. If you're on my YouTube right now, I talk with my hands and all these little hands are popping up. Thumbs up and waving. Okay? Yes, I'm on YouTube too now. Okay, I don't respond from activation. Silence is a strategy. I love this next one. Their urgency is not my urgency. We have been conditioned, conditioned to feel everything is urgent because they've conditioned us that way. Their urgency is not your urgency.

(05:01)
And last I can choose the timing that protects my piece. It's not all about them anymore. So you can choose one of those phrases for a little boundary moment. Okay? And step five, the future flash. Picture yourself an hour from now. Proud, grounded, and peaceful. I know you love that word. I know you want to get there. So imagine yourself, proud, grounded, peaceful, because you didn't take the bait. What does it feel like to be like, Ooh, I didn't go there with them. They can invite you to their fight. You do not have to join it. They can invite you to their chaos. You don't have to join it. You don't explain. You didn't have to defend yourself. You didn't get pulled into their crazy circus.

(06:04)
And for that little mantra, I lead with peace, not panic. You don't have to panic anymore. You don't have to have the urgency anymore. We are freeing ourselves from that. You get to say, I didn't take the bait. What would that feel like? I didn't take the bait. Oh, that's true. Freedom right there. Okay, so that's it. Five minutes nervous system reset with, and you can just do a couple of them if you have two minutes, but five minutes, you can do all those things and reset your nervous system. Calm everything down, get everything peaceful and learn these tools and practice them. The more you repeat these tools, the more you use them, the more they become second nature. So it's important to implement them into your daily life. So save this episode, write these down. Get a little cute little pad of paper, write 'em down so they're in plain sight for you to see.

(07:10)
Carry 'em around in your little pocketbook. Does anyone say pocketbook anymore? I don't think so. In your handbag, in your bag. And yeah, if you want to go deeper with all of this, if you truly want to reset your nervous system in a way that is transformational and you want to kind of accelerate that, that is what you do. Working with me. We do coaching. We get into the narcissist mind. We understand them better. We talk about certain situations. If you are co-parenting or you're a mother or father or sibling, somebody in the family you feel like you are stuck with, we get to navigate all of that. And in parallel work on the somatic side of things, doing this work to heal while we are using these tools to reset, to balance. So we get the mindset work and we get the body work.

(08:10)
And I love it. I love it. I love doing it. So if you want to work one-on-one with me, always in the show notes, come January, I'm only going to be doing three month, six month, and 12 packages. This will be a shift. There's lots of reasons I'm doing it because we want true transformation. We can do a lot in a month and we've done a lot in a month, but I'm here for the long haulers. We go through seasons. So I want to take you through at least three months. So you really get that huge transformation. Huge. My three monthers, woo, double queen work. Okay? So don't forget to follow my podcast, share it, share it with anyone you think could use it. Some of this stuff is just good for anyone in toxic situations. Not necessarily narcissistic, right? Toxic family environments, toxic relationships, not necessarily even abusive, but if you're dealing with someone who's manipulative or someone who's stressed out all the time or whatever, some of these thrive in fives can be useful for those people too.

(09:23)
So feel free to share this with anyone who could use a little reset and hit follow on whatever platform You're listening to me. If you are watching me on YouTube, welcome. Hello, here's my face. I probably am going to start doing my podcast on video as well. This started out kind of a long story, but I'll try to make it shorter, but I'm a long story person, but we are having our home remodeled, not our entire home bathroom remodeled. And my setup was upstairs in my bedroom just with my phone and my little microphone. And that was just kind of the setup I've been doing. I've been so busy. I was like, if I have to take out the computer and the, it's just like extra steps and I'm a DD, so the less steps, the more likely it's going to happen and it's worked out beautifully.

(10:12)
My podcast has really grown a lot the last year since I've been doing this. And now, I mean it's great, but I feel like I want to be on video. I love video. If you don't know, I had a YouTube channel for years, kind of different content, but I want to get back on video. I want to get back on YouTube, so I'm going to see how this goes. And if one night I don't feel like doing it on YouTube and I'm being lazy in the bed on my phone, then I won't do it. I'm not going to put pressure on myself, but let me know on YouTube if you guys do enjoy the video and anyone who's on the podcast, you can feel free to pop over there and see if you like video better. I like both. It depends on my mood as far as watching.

(11:01)
I listen to a lot of stuff when I'm doing other things like laundry or just can't be staring at a screen. But some people are only video people, so it's another reason I want to get back in the YouTube world. I have had people who are like, I missed you being on YouTube. I don't really do podcasts. So now we can have the best of both worlds. Okay, so I will see you on Tuesday and definitely check out my links to work and you can always email me. Just say hi, introduce yourself, ask questions at Fierce Mama. See at Gmail, that is also in the show notes. Alright, I will see you in the next one. Nos.

3 Ways to Stay in Control When the Narcissist Triggers You

Tue, 09 Dec 2025 13:14:43 -0500

In this episode:
Narcissists use “baiting” to pull you into reactions, defensiveness, or emotional chaos. Today you’ll learn the three most common types of bait they use—and the simple, powerful Pause, Pivot, Protect method to keep yourself grounded, calm, and unhooked.
You’ll walk away with practical responses, somatic regulation tools, and a clearer understanding of how to protect your peace in conversations, texts, and co-parenting dynamics.Your Next Step in Healing

Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching + Somatic Healing
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Email me! fiercemamac@gmail.com

Speaker 1 (00:04):

Hello? Hello. Let me check my audio real quick. Let me check it. This is going to be not the best maybe recording we ever had. However, it'll be good content. I have all sorts of fun stuff. I have a bathroom remodel where they found some extensive mold, not black mold. They're going to be able to take care of it, but it's been quite a little journey. So happy holidays. Happy holidays. My house is going to be in, well, not my house, but my master bath. We're not even sleeping in there. It's just so much demolition and bleach and dust. So I'm currently recording in the basement away from the noise. Hopefully you don't hear any of it. And it's been so crazy. I literally forgot to do my podcast last night. I usually record on Monday nights and then post Tuesday morning. But here we are.

(01:05)
Here we are on Tuesday and you guys don't have a podcast, so let's go. So we're not going to have the intro music, all the fun. We're just going to get straight to it today. And I was sitting thinking about what a lot of my clients, what they say to me, what they're like, oh, I wish I could just, whatever. And a huge one recently has been, they know they're not supposed to take the bait. They know they're not supposed to. They know the narcissist wants them to react, but it's really just hard in the moment. So we're going to address that, talking about not taking the bait and how to stay unshakeable when the narcissist tries to hook you. Right? Okay, so if you don't know, you're on here, but I'm Christie Jade, host of Narcissistic Abuse Recovery podcast, and we're going to dive into one of the most powerful skills you can master on your healing journey, not taking the bait.

(02:09)
And if you've been following me, I say it all the time, don't take the bait. Don't take the bait. I really am considering getting T-shirts just as a little fun mantra for us to rock bright pink gold. What do you think? Tell me. And my Facebook group, by the way, go join my Facebook group. If you're not part of it, it's always in the show notes. It's free and it is private. We like that privacy part, okay? But when you stop reacting, you stop feeding that chaos. And when you stop feeding the chaos, the narcissist loses their favorite thing in the world, their power. And that's part of my goal. Look, my big goal is to live peacefully. But gosh, if I have to deal with a narcissist, one of my favorite things is to get, help them get rid of their power. Okay? So first name the game baiting is a strategy.

(03:09)
So if you've ever wondered why do they always know exactly what to say to set me off, this is not by accident. This is not just something they're doing without knowing it. And they will always manipulate and say, I didn't mean it. My intention wasn't that blah, blah, blah, right? Narcissist ba. Because your reaction is actually their reward, your spark, your emotion. They love to get emotion out of you, your energy. They love to drain your energy. It's like a little crispy snack that they're after. And you don't want to be their snack, right? So if you don't bite, they don't eat. Maybe we should have that as a tagline. Don't take the bait. If you don't bite, they don't eat. So when you can see their comment, their text, whatever, in conversation as bait, just knowing, and it takes some training in the mind, but as not truth, you instantly gain the power.

(04:14)
You're like, you know what they're doing. And it does, I promise. It becomes like second nature, it becomes a science. It goes, you become an observer. And a huge part of somatic healing, by the way, is being able to become the observer even of your own feelings. And that's a whole other show. But if you want to do somatic healing and heal from the body, girl, jump in the show notes. Let's work together. But in the situation with the narcissist, you move from, I have to defend myself, right? I have a client recently that was talking about this, just the smear campaigns, the painting you in a picture that is not accurate, that is bad, that, oh, you're the bad parent, you're the problem. They all do it. So you feel like you have to defend yourself, and you can change this into, I see what you're doing.

(05:13)
And I know some of you can't get there yet. That's why we have to do the one-on-one work to, from our body. Get to that point. You may not even be able to imagine being able to say so what? Right now. But I promise you, when you heal and you do the deeper work, you absolutely can get to that place. You stop caring what everyone else thinks, what they think, and you know that the truth comes out the truth. The people that matter will know the truth, right? And you can't control others. So just a little side note. Alright, so two, the three most common baits that you need to spot. I want you to hear these and think, yeah, then there. Because awareness is everything. So knowing what you're dealing with, again, so bait number one, the insult bait. That could just be as simple as, wow, calm down.

(06:11)
Or You're so dramatic, you're so sensitive. It was just a joke. I'm literally saying this, and it is bringing me back, and I peeled a lot, so I'm not getting that visceral feeling I used to. But now I look at it, I'm like, oh, what? Oh, it was so slimy, so calculated, so arrogant, so narcissistic. But these are designed to make you feel like they know you have to defend yourself after that, right? So it's on purpose to make you defend yourself, to explain, or as most of us have done over, explain yourself or even get louder, baiting you to be the crazy one, the loud one, the overdramatic one who's now yelling, right? All of which feed them. So imagine their big old head with their big old mouth just waiting to be fed. You're taking the bait, you're feeding them, you're feeding them, you're reasoning, you're explaining your energy, your emotions.

(07:23)
You're literally just giving them everything they freaking want. No more sis. Okay? The bait. Number two, the guilt bait. I know you're familiar with this one too, but we're calling it all out here. This is like a mic drop episode today, alright? After everything I've done for you, wah. Or I guess I'm just the bad guy. Oh, I love that one. I'm trying to think specifically. I remember a word, one of the narcs in my life. There's been a couple, but, oh, I guess I'm just the worst, I guess I'm just horrible. I guess I'm a horrible blah, blah, blah, because I'm a horrible boyfriend. Yeah, you fucking are. First of all, I Or oh, oh, so I'm the problem or I'm the problem now. Yeah. First of all, yeah, can we start saying just, yeah, and answering their questions. But these pull you into over-explaining and apologizing, right?

(08:25)
Because when you're in it, and even now, you might be out of the situation, but still can fall for these tactics sometimes, because we were created as empaths, as sweet people with big hearts, we were created to not want to make people feel bad. So if a healthy person said something to you that might make you feel guilty, you would turn inward and say, oh, well, maybe I did something wrong. But these are unhealthy people. So knowing they're unhealthy and knowing these are specific lines and things, they say, oh, I'm the problem now. I guess I'm the bad guy, right? Healthy people don't do that. Healthy people come to you and say, look, I have a problem. How can we get through this? And they talk it out like adults. I'm not saying people don't have, there are occasional moments where they may not know the exact right thing to say, but if you're with a narcissist or you're dealing with a narcissist or questioning if they're a narcissist, they have a pattern of unhealthy guilt trips.

(09:34)
So they're making you carry something that is not yours. And then the third bait is the chaos bait. How about when everything is fine? Things seem to be like, wow, this is the best we've ever been in a relationship. Or oh man, it's been nice and peaceful for a couple days probably because they can't really last super long. Boom, a fight over nothing, maybe anything, nothing. It isn't random. It's all about control, attention and emotional domination. When they feel like it's too quiet, they need the chaos. They need to be fed, they're hungry little animals with that mouth wide open, and they're just waiting for you to feed them that energy, that emotion, the defenses, the overexplaining. So once you can name these three baits, they actually lose a lot of their power. Okay, so now what number three is the tool? Pause, pivot, protect, pause, pivot, protect.

(10:50)
Maybe write that down. This is your new queen level nervous system armor, pause. All right. This is where the magic happens. And yes, it can take a little time. I don't want you to get upset if you can't do these tools overnight, okay? But work on them before you respond. You get a text or even you're at drop off with your co-parenting, or they're your boss, or they're your parent. No one says you need to respond immediately. Even if you're in person, send to yourself. Take a breath, three seconds. Let your nervous system just have a moment to not take that bait. Okay? Let the spike settle. It's really a spike, right? Your response, that visceral response, then pivot. Pivot away from their intention, which we just discussed as chaos and toward your intention. Okay? What's your intention? Say it with me. Class, peace, boundaries, clarity, all of the above. And ask yourself. So you're taking a few seconds, ask yourself, does responding to this serve my peace?

(12:18)
Sometimes you don't have to respond and you definitely don't have to respond or overexplain or give them emotion. You can walk away. I know with legal stuff, I have a lot. I mean, I think all my clients right now literally are dealing with co-parenting and exes. So if they're asking where drop off is, obviously there's things you need to respond to, but we're not talking about those things. We're talking about the situations where they are trying to get under your skin. They are guilt tripping you. They're saying, well, you didn't answer when I called. You don't even have to respond to that.

(13:08)
Does responding to this serve my peace? Then you protect. Where's your golden bubble? This is where you respond or you choose not to from a grounded place. So here's where we go into scripts. I actually have some scripts I'll put in the show notes for you too, but examples of protective responses, I'm not available for this. Tone. Simple. Eat that, shove that whopper down your throat, or we can continue this when the conversation is respectful. Chew on those fries. By the way, guys, hold on if you're on video, I'm going to put this on YouTube. So I am wearing my Grinch socks from McDonald's. Did you see McDonald's? They have an adult happy meal that brought me so much joy, and it has. I love my a DD, don't you? It's a Grinch box it. And they have, I think it's a large fry in there.

(14:16)
And then they have this packet of dill pickle seasoning, salt. It's Grinch salt. It's the whole Grinch theme. And you put it in a bag with the fries, shake it up. Holy cannoli. It is so delicious. I could scream. Oh, whoops. I keep forgetting. There's people in my house, the remodeler guys, they're right upstairs to eating lunch. They're probably like, why is that lady screaming about grinches? Anyway, the meal comes with a pair of socks, and I was so excited. I was hoping for the green pear because Grinch, and guess what? I got a green pear. That's favor. That's the favor of the Lord. All right, let's get back to it. We need a little break. This is heavy stuff. Okay, so where was I? Oh, yes, continuing when the conversation is respectful. Okay, another nice little response that's respectful, but direct, not emotional, right? Take your emotion out. Gray rock method people. If you haven't heard that episode of mine, it's gold. I will try to link that too. This isn't productive. Let's revisit later.

(15:26)
Simple. Let's give them the naked old beans in their mouth. Okay? I don't even know what that meant, but I liked it. And then last, but definitely not least, silence. Yeah, silence is a very complete sentence, especially in the eyes of a narcissist. You're standing in front of a narcissist. That's a good answer. Silence. They might hate it. They use it as a weapon. Why can't you? All right. I'm not saying use it. I am going to bear again, a reminder, if in a legal situation you need to respond about a specific thing that has to do with your child, your mutual child, obviously you're going to have to not give them the silent treatment, but only on that specific area. If you get an email and they say, when are you dropping Olivia off at my house? And then they go on to say, you know this and that and the other, and you did this.

(16:30)
And then I'll never forget how you did it. Just who knows? Do you know what they do? They bring up all sorts of trash to get a response. They can't just be human about it. So you respond to that email with 4:00 PM at the circle, whatever, facts, people. Facts. No drama, no excess information. They will, oh God, they want to eat information too. Okay? Their dessert is information from you, private information, any information that you do not have to give them legally do not give them. They will suck that cherry down real fast. Okay, where are we here? Oh, co-parent. Another co-parenting specific. I will only be responding to child related information. That should be upfront. I've talked about this to all of my clients. I will only be responding to child related information. Very important. And if you break it 40, what is that saying?

(17:42)
My old substitute teacher used to say, 30 lashes with a wet noodle. It was Catholic school, I dunno. But you'll get 30 lashes of wet noodle from Mrs. Mancini. I think that was really her name. Wow, look at that. The a, DD. It doesn't stop me from remembering things from 1991. Alright, so make sure you're sticking to your own boundaries. If you're not, give yourself grace, you're human and you just went through hell. Or maybe it was a while ago, but you have PTSD from narcissism. So give yourself a little break. And last one, I'll review and reply within 24 hours, unless you have otherwise an apparent agreement, parental agreement, divorce, decree, whatever. If you have something that says you have to reply within 12 hours, you can't go against it. So whatever legally is binding. But if not, I'll review and reply within 24 hours.

(18:45)
Instant deescalation tool brought to you by yours. Truly, you don't need to respond. We are conditioned by them to feel like we have to respond right away, or they're going to, who knows? What are they really going to do? If you're in a violent situation, that's a whole different story. If you're afraid of them violently, you need to deal with an attorney with that, the police with that restraining order with that. But if you're not, we are conditioned to be so hyper scared and fearing them so much that sometimes we lose the logical thought of the world's not going to end. If you don't fucking respond right now, I'll review it in 24 hours. You'll get something back. Won't be much though. Keep it simple, short.

(19:43)
Now let's wrap it up here. Well, we're almost done. Let's see how much I have a little more. But this section here, your calm is actually the one thing they cannot control. And that calm will drive them mad. But that's a good thing I've found in my time. Okay? Dealing with narcissists, yes, initial the first time or times that you are calm and you don't take their bait, they can come harder. They can come louder. That's why I say if they're violent, obviously it's a different story and you need to deal with that legally. But if they're just being a tantrum baby, baby tantrum, I don't know. That's okay. You don't fold the longer you stick to it. My point is, long-term, you're going to be much better off.

(20:43)
They never fully give up. Usually narcs, okay? But when it's too much of a fight, they can be very lazy. A lot of narcs are actually very freaking lazy. So eventually when they see you are, if you don't budge, and I'm a stubborn bull, so I got an upper hand on y'all, I'm sorry, but if you're a Taurus, what you can probably be as stubborn as me when you don't budge, eventually they do back off more, okay? The more you give, the more they're going to know that they can get that from you. And they're going to be like, oh, feet, miss S feed me. Okay? So you staying steady, it's not weak. You can think, oh, well, especially right after you're like, well, when you're in the start of your healing journey, it's like you almost can go the other side of the pendulum where it's like, well, I'm not going to stand for this and I'm going to stand up for myself now.

(21:42)
Right? There can be that. It doesn't work with nurses. So you staying steady and calm, that is the strength, it's the strategy. And you get to choose your piece over their bullshit. This is all about your piece. And if you have a child, your child's peace, okay? So when a narcissist cannot bait you anymore, they will. I'm telling you, they will get louder, meaner, more dramatic, not because you're doing anything wrong and it might feel weird or like, wait, this isn't working. It will, it will work. But they're old tools. Stop working. So they're going, okay, what do I need to do? Oh shit, I need to get louder. I need to get scarier. I need to get more manipulative. I need to do a bigger smear campaign. Go smear mother. Ever. Go smear all you want. Do you know the smear campaigns that I had on my back? My own family?

(22:42)
I mean, I had cousins. I had all sorts of crazy stuff being said about me. And I was like, well, the true ones will be here when I get out of this muddy freaking mess. And they were. And guess what? All those people that were told certain things and didn't know, like, oh, is that true? Guess who is super close with them now? This girl with her shiny ground, okay, you'll win in the end narcs. Don't win in the end. Trust me. Okay? So every time you choose that pause a boundary or silence, we love good silent treatment. You are rewiring your nervous system and breaking the trauma bond that the conditioning you've learned and that codependence and those strings, you may still have a couple tied that's trauma bonding, and we're going to sever the tie. But that's how you become unshakeable. That's how you get power back.

(23:46)
How you stop feeding that big narc mouth who was never going to love you the way you deserved in the first place. Am I right? Am I right? Yes. Okay. So if today hit home for you, make sure you share this with a friend. Maybe they're in the thick of dealing with a toxic person. Even if there's not a narc, there's things here that are very relevant just to anyone in a relationship with somebody who's controlling or toxic. And if you want to go deeper into that nervous system healing that I talked about, boundaries that actually stick, getting rid of the guilt that comes with those boundaries and emotional freedom. You know where to find me, always in my show notes, all the links to all the things that are in there. I've different packages and it's really important for you coming up. The holidays are crazy, and then it's a new year, a new start, and you don't need to feel like this anymore.

(24:55)
So if you're ready to step out of this and I got your hand, girl, we going to, I'm going to take you out of that mud, definitely. Let's do some one-on-one work all. You're not here to take the bait. Don't take the bait. We're going to make shirts. You are here to rise and shine your beautiful little crown, okay? And you're doing a great job already. So check out the show notes. You can also, if you have questions about working with me or anything else in this episode, or I forgot to put a link, you can email me. My email will always be there. It's fierce Mama C at gmail. Alright, I will see you in Thursday's episode, which will be a somatic healing exercise related to today's episode because all the magic needs to happen in that body. Okay, see you the next one. Bye.

Nervous System Reset When You Can't Stop Thinking About the Narcissist

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 06:00:00 -0500

Episode Summary

If the narcissist is gone but your thoughts are still stuck on replay, you are not alone. After narcissistic abuse, your nervous system can stay stuck in hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, and mental loops — even long after the relationship ends.

In this Thrive in 5, Christy Jade guides you through a fast, somatic reset you can use any time those obsessive thoughts flare up. You'll learn how to interrupt the loop, ground your nervous system, and bring your mind back into the present moment where you are safe. These tools take less than a minute and help retrain your brain to stop reacting as if the narcissist is still in your life.

Your Next Step in Healing

Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching + Somatic Healing
For survivors navigating intrusive thoughts, trauma bonds, co-parenting chaos, or emotional aftershocks of narcissistic abuse, get personalized support, strategy, and nervous system regulation tools.

1-Month Private Coaching
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly

3-Month Transformational Coaching + Somatic Healing
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly

Get My Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
Scripts that help you shut down manipulation, stop JADE-ing, and communicate with confidence.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/

Grab the Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free!)
Your quick-start guide to setting boundaries without guilt.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join the Facebook Community
Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you, you guys. I'm in my basement, I'm in my pajamas, no makeup, hair, freshly washed and air dried, and we're ready to go. Hopefully you can hear me okay. So yes, we're doing a little video today. I'm proud. I'm trying out my old way where I used to do video too with my fuzzy pink mike. Ooh, matches my outfit. I feel like I'm like a candy cane over here if you can see me and that's something special. If not, it's something special. All right, so today we are doing a Thrive in five related to Tuesday's episode, which is why you're still thinking about the narcissist 24 7. If you have not watched that episode, go check it out.

(01:08)
Today we're doing a somatic reset for when you can't stop thinking about them. So first of all, you are not broken if you're still thinking about them. I know it's not fun, but even when narcissists are outside of our life or if we're no contact or we've pulled back, whatever, if your co-parenting, your nervous system is still unwinding from the chaos, the intensity and the constant emotional curve balls, right? So today I'm going to give you five somatic tools that you can use in the moment your mind starts looping. Okay? Alright. Number one, the thought to body check-in. So when a thought pops up, one of those, questioning yourself, questioning why something happened. Just agitation, anything that puts your nervous system into that like not okay mode. Notice where specifically am I feeling this in my body? Is it tension in the chest? Is it a knot in your throat?

(02:23)
Is it a sick stomach, butterfly? Kind of not in a good way. Feeling in the stomach, locating the sensation shifts you out of the story and into the present moment into reality. And the first step is breaking that loop. The second we're going to talk about a jaw and tongue release, and this is like an instant deescalation. So drop your tongue from the roof of your mouth. A lot of times it's held up there, you don't even notice, right? Drop it all the way down. Don't even let the tip, the tip off and we'll try to hang onto to the back of your teeth. That's called trauma, baby. You got trauma mouth. Alright, we're going to release the tongue all the way. Unc unclench your jaw. Let it relax. Look, I'm doing it now. You can't understand me. Then gently open and close it two to three times. Then let out a verbal sigh. Okay? So open, I'm going to do it and if you can see, it's going to be the best thing you ever saw today. All right, gently open and close three times. So go.

(03:49)
I know that was not my best look, it's not going to be yours either, but here we are. Okay. This though tells your brain the danger is not here anymore. You're out of danger and your thoughts soften almost immediately. If you got to go for a round two, do it. But one round of that, you should notice an immediate difference. Okay? Number three, the squeeze and melt pattern. Interrupt. If you've been in any of my yoga classes, anything like that, I love a good melt session. So make gentle fists. Squeeze your hands, your arms or your legs. I generally like to do hands and arms and you squeeze them for five seconds, like Mississippi seconds, not 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, like one Mississippi, two, right? You're tensing as best as you can release.

(04:54)
Repeat this twice, three times if you're feeling edgy. Okay? This is, it completes the stress response cycle and gives your nervous system a nice clean grounding reset. Number four, orienting, which we've done a lot of on this podcast, it's good, it's good, easy, simple work. You can teach it to your kindergartner, right? They can do it, you can do it and it works. My daughter just said she used it like two days ago. She said she was getting a little stressed out about something. It happens. We're tweeting now. And she said, and I did that thing you do. She didn't remember the name, but here's an example of it. Pick a color, blue, green, yellow, whatever. I'm going to go purple and find five things in your space that match the color. So I'd say purple. Of course I have barely anything purple here. It's going to take a while.

(05:58)
I'm really going to have to get present there. I found one. There's a stripe on the clock that's purple. There's a little ball that's purple. There's a basket that's purple. So this pulls your brain out of the trauma time and it's pulling it into the present, into the right now where you are safe. So it's pulling your body back from the unsafe place where your body still thinks it is clearly and it's saying, Hey, you're here with all this purple shit and you're safe, right? Number five, which you can do this one alone at any time, it's an easy one. But paired all of these paired together are a swell team. All right, number five, the I'm here. They're not breath. So you inhale through your nose in this is called a halo breath in through the nose, we're going to do four seconds. So in 4, 3, 2, 1, exhale, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

(07:17)
And on that exhale, you're going to say internally or out loud, if you're a loud ass like me and you're going to say, I'm here. It's kind of hard to, I'm here as you're exhaling, but it's possible. Now you can say, breathe, exhale out and then say, I'm here. So through the nose, four out through the mouth, six internally saying, I'm here. Pause. Then there not, okay, obviously if they're right there, this isn't going to work. This is one of those, they can't be right next to you. This anchors your system though into the truth. The narcissist is no longer the context you're living in. Technically they could be right next to you. You can still do it not as effective, but as a representation of they're no longer if you're out of the situation, but you're still not there in the way they used to be where you lived under the same roof and you had to be on eggshells 24 7.

(08:32)
You're not in that situation anymore. But this is more effective if they're not sitting right next to, it's a good reminder. You're in a safe space. You're away from them. They are not here. I'm not under their thumb. Namaste, mofo. Okay? So use any and all of these tools. Anytime you start the loop, the spiral, okay? You're not obsessing, you are healing. If you were still in the same situation, you, you wouldn't be able to do this even this much. So I want you to remember that. Give yourself grace. I have a lot of clients currently having a theme I've noticed of beating themselves up and saying questioning, why am I like this when it's even some of my clients are pretty fresh out of these situations and they're asking, why do I feel stuck? If you were stuck, you would still be in this situation you were in and you wouldn't be able to even do any of these tools or use any of these tools.

(09:44)
You wouldn't be here with me now. So it shows your growth. It doesn't feel like it or it feels like it's taking a long time because it's painful. This isn't like jump overnight, but when we do one-on-one work, and you can ask any of my clients, there are major shifts. There are major shifts. And when we do the somatic healing, that's that body work healing through the body so that the body can catch up with the mind. Because remember, the body remembers everything. The body can get stuck. So we have to let it catch up and that's where the somatic healing comes in. So if you want to sign up, I have monthly and three month sessions right now, three months, your whole world is going to blast open. It's going to be freaking amazing. By the end of three months, you're going to not going to recognize yourself in a good way. Not saying you're bad, but guess what? You are. You're a queen and you're going to be a double queen. And you don't even know what that feels like. You haven't tasted the life of a double queen, but it's amazing, super peaceful, super confident, knowing who you are, finding that truth of who you really are. That person maybe you miss or you never really met that is inside of you. It is an amazing feeling to live this way.

(11:17)
And then we have monthly, which obviously is you pay for a month of sessions and you can always keep going, add on. But that is also very transformational. That is for someone who is ready to do this is all you're ready to do the work, right? This is like, I am so tired of feeling like this. I am sick of feeling guilty. I'm sick of feeling confused like why this happened or how am I affecting my kid? Is it my fault that some of this happened? All of these questions you need answered, I'm here to help answer them. And I'm here to also help shift the inside turmoil.

(12:13)
We are here, we go on journeys together, magical little journeys. I call 'em soul. Call 'em soul cas because they're actually, it's like a massage for the soul. It is. You come out of it and you feel amazing. So I know I'm blabbing on, but it's hard to describe it in a sentence what it's like, right? If you want to read more about it, there is the link in the show notes. Go ahead and click over there and then you can read more details on each option. And what else? My free Facebook group, come join other women just like you. It's private. So I go through all the questions making sure no creepy people slip into our group. It is a women empowerment group for narcissistic abuse victims. And yes, definitely join that and always check out the show notes for any information I talk about.

(13:14)
And don't forget to follow the podcast so you can get the next episode, because who would want to Ms. Christian or pajamas? Not you? Look, if you're listening right now, go peep over to my YouTube channel. I'll put the link that I have to remember the link to my YouTube channel so you're able to see it. All right? Catch you on the flippy. How is it? December already? Are you ready for the holidays? If you're co-parenting with the narc or you've got a close narc, you probably are not because you know the narcs come out like crazy during the holiday season because they do not want you to enjoy it. Okay? Let's be real. I will probably do another episode on that. I just did one about Thanksgiving, how the narcs act up even more around Thanksgiving. But I'll probably do one closer to Hanukkah and Christmas as well.

(14:14)
So look out for that. I'll see you in the next episode. And remember, I got you, I see you, I understand what you are going through and I know how to help you. So if you want my help, you know where to find me in the lovely little show notes, and I promise I won't wear my pajamas to our sessions, okay? Unless you put a special request in, I should start doing that. You want me to wear a crown? You want me to wear some pajamas? Just let me know. Alright? I also always have my email address so you can write. Say hello, introduce yourself, ask a question. I love getting emails from you guys. All right, so keep 'em coming. All right, see you in the next episode. Love u. Bye.

The Narcissist Is Gone… So Why Are You Still Thinking About Them 24/7?

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 06:01:00 -0500

Episode Summary
If the narcissist is no longer in your life but your mind still won’t let them go — replaying memories, overanalyzing past conversations, or bracing for a blow that isn’t coming — you are not alone. Obsessive thinking after narcissistic abuse is a normal trauma response, not a sign that you miss them or that something is wrong with you.

In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down exactly why your brain keeps looping back to the narcissist 24/7, what your nervous system is trying to protect you from, and how trauma bonds + hypervigilance get wired into your body. You’ll learn the steps to interrupt the loop, calm your system, and finally start reclaiming your peace and mental space.

This is your guide to taking your mind back — one breath, one shift, one moment of safety at a time.

Your Next Step in Healing

1-Month Private Coaching
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly

3-Month Transformational Coaching + Somatic Healing
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly

Get My Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
Scripts that help you shut down manipulation, stop JADE-ing, and communicate with confidence.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/

Grab the Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free!)
Your quick-start guide to setting boundaries without guilt.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join the Facebook Community
Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Girl, if the narcissist is long gone, but your brain is still acting like they're standing in your kitchen judging the way you slice strawberries. This episode is for you because today we're talking about why your mind won't shut up about them, even though you know they're toxic, they're gone, they're blocked, whatever, and hopefully living their best, irrelevant life. Alright, let's get your peace and your brain back online. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:01)
Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. All right, Queens, welcome back to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast. It's Christy Jade, your coach, your hype woman, your peace protecting partner, most importantly. And today we are going deep into one of the biggest things I hear from survivors. Christie, why am I still thinking about them all the time? I don't even want to. You are not crazy. You're not weak. I'm going to repeat that again. You are not weak. You are not stuck in the past. Even your brain is literally doing exactly what it was trained to do under trauma.

(02:02)
Today, you're going to understand why this happens. And more importantly, how to stop the obsessive loop so you can reclaim that big, beautiful queen brain of yours. Alright? So the truth that you have never really been told here is the wildest part. Your brain isn't thinking about the narcissist, it's thinking about danger. But because the narcissist was the danger, your brain glued the two together. So during the narcissistic abuse, your nervous system learns, if I don't predict their behavior, I might get hurt. If I don't stay hyper aware, I won't see the next explosion coming. Or if I miss a signal, chaos will hit. So your brain starts scanning, monitoring, remembering, analyzing. Also, you can, it's trying to help you out, sister, okay? But guess what? Your nervous system doesn't just magically unlearn that pattern just because the narcissist is gone. It's like firing a horrible employee.

(03:14)
But your security alarm still go off every time the wind blows, right? The thread is gone, but the wiring is still on. It's still there. All right? So the three reasons your brain won't let go first, your body is still in survival mode. So hyper vigilance is actually a physical state, not an intellectual decision. So even if you know the narcissist is gone, your nervous system, your body basically has not caught up with that yet. Okay? Two, your brain got addicted to predicting the unpredictable. Say that five times best. Alright, I call this the mental Olympics. You trained your brain and it's not your fault, right? But you did it. It was a thing for a safety trained your brain to analyze every micro expression, every text tone, every sigh they made, your brain became a full-time detective. Now it's retired, but it's still pacing around with its magnifying glass saying, what do I do now?

(04:28)
What do I do now because it's addicted? And number three, trauma bonds are real chemicals. They are not choices. Dopamine plus cortisol plus intermittent reinforcement equals your brain learned to chase clarity from someone who never gave it. Okay, I'll say that again. Your brain learned to chase clarity from someone who never gave it. It really wanted that clarity, didn't it? You know what I'm talking about, girl? So those loops don't shut off overnight. And again, it is not your fault. It is not your fault at all. Take a deep breath, release that shit. It's not your fault. So here's the shift time why you can finally let them go. Here's the good news. We want good news in this, right? Your brain can be rewired, it can learn safety again. It can learn peace again. It can learn you again. I love that part. It can learn you again.

(05:39)
You are not condemned to think about them forever. You just haven't given your nervous system the okay to stop doing the job it was forced into or it hasn't totally processed it. And healing isn't about forgetting them. It's about retraining your system to stop anticipating danger. I'm going to say that again. It's about retraining your system to stop anticipating the danger. And that's what we're going to do next. The break the loop blueprint. Let's do it. Here are the exact three practices that help myself. Some of my clients stop the obsessive thought cycles fast and for real. Okay? So first, you ground your body before you try to fix your thoughts. We are in our heads, right? Survivors are in their heads all the time, but the thoughts live in the mind. The trauma loop lives in your body and your body has to feel safe before your mind can actually let go.

(06:53)
So it's kind of like we try to do it reversed, right? Do this, put your hand on your chest. Inhale for four seconds and exhale for six. You always want to exhale a little longer during these sessions. Inhale 4, 3, 2, 1, and exhale, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Feel your feet on the floor. Say, I am safe in this moment. Okay? This is telling your brain we're not in danger anymore. Now, you can interrupt the loop with curiosity, not criticism. So instead of, oh, why am I still thinking about them, which I have heard more than I can even count, try, what is my brain trying to protect me from right now? What is my brain trying to protect me from? This flips the script from shame to self-understanding. What is my brain trying to protect me from?

(08:00)
And then you replace the survival job with a new one. Your brain's very busy. She's go-getter. She's an amazing queen. She got a queen brain, got to keep her shiny. She's got jobs to do. She needs a new job. So what are some jobs we could do here? Noticing pleasure, noticing your breath, noticing stillness, noticing what feels good, noticing you who you are, your truth, your beliefs. This is why this somatic work changes everything. I've been doing so much somatic work with my clients recently. And girl, if you want that deep somatic healing, I'm talking that body shift where the body just gets to rewrite, release, truly shift so that the mind can let go too. You need to do somatic work with me. You need to. It's you got to go sign up right now. Pause this, go to my show notes and sign up for one of my packages.

(09:10)
They're always there in the show notes. Anyway, somatic healing is mind blowing. If you want to find out more too, click on the link and it will give you a little more description than I'm giving you right now. But when your body learns that safety, your brain can start to slow down. That scanning eventually stop. That's the goal. To stop all the scanning, the living and hypervigilance is exhausting. I know I've been there. Okay, so your obsessive thoughts do not mean you actually miss them. They don't mean you're weak. I'm going to repeat that 80 times in today's episode. They don't mean you're weak. They don't mean you're failing at healing. They mean your brain is loyal. It's protected you for a long time. This could be from the person you have in mind right now. Could also be someone, a parent, a sibling, someone in your childhood.

(10:13)
It could be stacked together, multiple people, but your brain has been protecting you. And now we have to teach at peace. And you don't have to do that alone, right? This is why I help women do what we do every single day. Let's get your life back. Let's get your mind back. Let's get you back. The real you that you deserve to have hosting this life, right? Not living in this constant obsessive thoughts in general, the anxieties of the hypervigilance, and then the thoughts about them. So definitely sign up in my show notes. I have limited availability, but I am taking, probably can squeeze in one or two clients. And when you sign up, we will figure out a schedule that works for you. Don't worry. So if you sign up, don't worry, I have enough space in my calendar. I do this on purpose where I leave space for you guys, so I can really, really give my all to each of you. Okay?

(11:25)
That's it for this week on, not this week for today, Thursday, later this week, we'll do a little extra somatic exercise related to this. And don't forget to follow, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow my podcast on my main page. Hit the follow button of wherever you're listening so you don't miss an episode, and you can join my free Facebook private group. Okay? It's private. It is not public. I go through every single, this is one of the pains in my asses of what I do. One of those backend of business things they call it. I go through everyone's questions. I make sure you are legit people. That's why you have to give your email address. I'm very, we're keeping you people safe and private, okay? So it a safe, private space where women like you are there and we can chat and share stories, and I'll do little live videos. So go join that sign up for somatic Healing with me. If you want true transformation, if you feel like your brain is all over the place and you just feel ready to heal, but don't know what to do, you have these obsessive thoughts. I'm your queen master. We're going to master this together. Okay? So love you guys. See you in the next episode.

Surviving a Toxic Thanksgiving? Your 5-Step Sanity Saver to Protect Your Peace

Wed, 26 Nov 2025 10:12:16 -0500

Episode Summary
If Thanksgiving brings up anxiety, dread, or that tight feeling in your chest because a toxic or narcissistic family member might be there… you are not alone. Holiday gatherings can activate old wounds, emotional landmines, and survival instincts you didn’t ask for.

In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down exactly how to stay grounded, calm, and in your power — even if the room is dripping with passive-aggressive comments, guilt trips, or classic narcissistic behavior. You’ll learn how to prepare your energy ahead of time, protect your emotional space in the moment, and end the night without absorbing anyone’s chaos.

This is your 5-Step Sanity Saver for the holidays.

Your Next Step in Healing
Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching + Somatic Healing
For survivors navigating high-conflict co-parenting, emotional chaos, or holiday-triggered anxiety, get personalized support, strategy, and nervous system regulation tools.

1-Month Private Coaching
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly

3-Month Transformational Coaching + Somatic Healing
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly

Get My Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
Scripts that help you shut down manipulation, stop JADE-ing, and communicate with confidence.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/

Grab the Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free!)
Your quick-start guide to setting boundaries without guilt.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join the Facebook Community
Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello Queens. This is your Thrive in five, a special episode for the holidays coming up. Whether it's Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, whatever you are celebrating, the narc, I'm sure will not want you to be happy. So they are going to cause you distress in whatever way they can. We know that's true. If you haven't listened to Monday's episode, I posted a little early this week because of the holiday. Make sure to check that out. That is more specific to even helping if they're trying to change plans and whatever. And you can use some of these tips for that situation. But also these tips for if there is someone at the place you're going to, if you co-parent, maybe you parallel parent and they're going to be there, or maybe it's just a toxic family member, whatever it is. I got you covered for this holiday piece.

(00:52)
Reset. So Thanksgiving is supposed to be this feeling of warmth, grounding, connectedness. But when there's a narcissist or any toxic person in the mix, your nervous system is already on guard before the Turkey even hits that table. Queen, we know that, right? You go in like, oh gosh, I'm going to have to deal with this. And you already go in stressed out. So I'm going to give you some five steps, sanity, savers for the holiday season. Number one, pre decide your energy. This is where people don't like, always love this. But you get to make choices and decide. So before you walk in to whatever situation, or even if you're answering a text about your ex trying to change plans, you choose the vibe you're going to bring into that conversation, into that room. You're going to bring what? Anybody? Anybody? Yes. The one in the crown.

(01:57)
Good, yes. Calm, neutral, and unshakeable. Okay? No one gets to hijack that. Number two, set your internal boundary. So a simple mindset shift, like their behavior is about them. My piece is about me. It keeps their chaos out of your body. So really differentiate. I like to zoom out. I'm very visual. If you're a visual person, this will help kind of having a zoomed out observation kind of mode going on where you're picturing you and them, your separate entities, they have a bunch of dark, crazy, chaotic energy that they can bring all they want you are going to envision. You are in a golden globe of calm and joy, and you're not going to let their dark energy penetrate yours. So if you're visual, that'll help. If not, just think in your mind, their behaviors about them. My piece is about me, and if you have a child, you're a child as well.

(03:02)
Alright, number three, keep a grounding anchor nearby. This could be a bracelet, a ring, a cold drink, something you can touch to reset your nervous system. When tension rises. I prefer a bracelet. I don't know why. Just like that. And I don't really need that hack anymore. But when I was first going through a lot of toxicity separation and I would start to get in my head, or if I had to be around the person, I would use that. I liked the kind of just moving that bracelet around, fidgeting with it, whatever, and kind of just focusing on that and breathing and getting through it. So anchoring on something tangible that you can touch to just kind of reset your nervous system. Number four, take micro breaks. You're allowed to step out, step outside, go to the bathroom, take some breaths, pretend to check a message.

(04:00)
You don't need permission to protect your peace. If let's say it is even just someone toxic at your Thanksgiving, uncle, uncle Charlie, he's at it again, talking politics, screaming around. You can say, oh, I've got to take this call. That's imaginary. Okay? Step outside. You can just go to the bathroom, take a few breaths. Remember, it's them. It's their chaos. Don't let it go into your glorious love bubble. Okay? And number five, end the night with the nervous system. Exhale. So stretch, breathe, journal, take a nice shower or bubble bath. Anything that tells your body it's over. I'm safe now. And it might just be this whole week. Maybe you were fighting with your ex over the holidays and who gets what, right? Or not who gets what, but what? Visitation rights. You already have a plan and they're trying to change it last minute.

(05:01)
All of this stuff I've heard from my clients. A lot of stuff going on with holiday drama. So even if it's just been a rough week altogether, give yourself time for you to kind of rejuvenate and remind yourself, look, it's over. Take a breath. I'm safe now. That's important. Just that I'm safe, right? You are safe. Even if your body is triggered and having PTSD, that might feel like it's not safe. So you don't have to fix anybody. You don't have to match anyone's energy. Be like, well, if they're going to be like this, I'm going to be like, that's your choice. But that sucks. You don't want to match their nasty energy. It's the whole point. You don't want to be around them and you just have to stay connected to you, okay? And your child of course, if you have a child with you.

(05:51)
So if you want to, in between now and Christmas, if you're a little worried about Christmas and holiday season, I do have openings for one-on-one. I will always have that in the show notes. If you want to check out how to work with me and really customize this journey. I mean, I love all my podcasts and my tips. I know they're helpful. I get emails from you guys saying how helpful they are, and that makes me so, so happy. But if you want true, transformational, long lasting, deeper healing, you really do need to have somebody there with you, whether it's me or somebody else. If you have a great therapist that really knows narcissism, congratulations. That's amazing. I have a lot of clients come in to me that say, I just can't find a therapist that really gets it. And they know I get it.

(06:45)
Obviously I get this stuff. So I would love to work with anyone who is not currently living. If you are in a situation and you're currently still married, living with the narcissist, I do not take clients on that are still in an unsafe situation. But if you have removed yourself and you are now on that cycle to healing that beautiful journey, congratulations and I do have openings. So we can, if you have any questions, feel free to email me. My email is always in the show notes as well. Alright, you guys have a safe and happy and peaceful Thanksgiving and holiday season. And don't forget to follow my podcast. So you get every episode it. Everyone needs a little queeny podcast. All right, love you guys. See you in the next one.

Thanksgiving With a Narcissistic Co-Parent : How to Handle Last-Minute Chaos and Protect Your Peace

Mon, 24 Nov 2025 06:01:00 -0500

Episode Summary
Thanksgiving with a narcissistic co-parent can feel like a minefield of last-minute schedule changes, emotional manipulation, and attempts to destabilize your peace. In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down exactly how to stay calm, stick to the plan, support your kids, and shut down the holiday chaos narcissists love to create. You’ll learn the top manipulation tactics used during Thanksgiving, how to respond without feeding the drama, and how to regulate your nervous system when the co-parent tries to throw you off balance.

1-Month Private Coaching
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly

3-Month Transformational Coaching + Somatic Healing
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly

What You’ll Learn This Episode
• Why narcissistic co-parents create chaos around holidays
• The most common Thanksgiving manipulation tactics
• Scripts for shutting down last-minute changes and guilt trips
• How to keep the kids emotionally safe during the holiday
• A 60-second somatic grounding tool you can use anywhere
• How to stay centered even when the co-parent is unpredictable

Get My Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
Scripts that help you shut down manipulation, stop JADE-ing, and communicate with confidence.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/

Grab the Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free!)
Your quick-start guide to setting boundaries without guilt.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join the Facebook Community
Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

If Thanksgiving with your narcissistic co-parent feels like waiting for a bomb to go off the last minute schedule changes, the guilt trips, just the chaos in general, this episode is your comb before the storm plan. I'm going to give you the exact tools to help you keep your peace, your power, and those little kiddos protected no matter what. They try this holiday, have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:00)
Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Hello, gorgeous. It's Christie. And today we are diving into the biggest stress point for so many of my listeners around this time of year Thanksgiving with a narcissistic. They come out when it is holiday season, so Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, all the major holidays around here. It'll be kind of relevant to all of them, but we'll definitely do another episode as Christmas and Hanukkah approach. But listen, the Turkey isn't the only thing that gets roasted this time of year. So do your nerves if you've got a narc in your life, am I ?

(02:01)
Am I ? See what I did there? Al, so every November I get that he changed the pickup time again. He wants to switch days without asking. He's using the holiday to get to me. He's guilt tripping the kids about who they love more. This all comes up because it's holiday time, So if this is you, you are not alone, you're not crazy, and you are not powerless. Today we are going to break down how to handle the last minute chaos, the emotional manipulation, and the holiday drama that narcissistic co-parents love to create without sacrificing your mental health or your peace. So let's get into it. So why do narcissists love the holiday drama? If you've noticed that the narcissist to co-parent gets worse around Thanksgiving, you are not imagining that. See the holidays amplify the things narcissists crave most. Are you ready? What do we know They love Attention.

(03:07)
Yes. Control power. Double up a stage to play the victim or the hero and opportunities to create conflict. Thanksgiving gives them the perfect setup for the manipulative behavior because it has all of these parts. It's got schedules, expectations, family dynamics, your kids' emotions, traditions, logistics and deadlines. So these are tools in their little crappy toolbox and they create chaos to throw you off those schedules, those expectations they know you lean on. Ooh, they want you to not have the power to throw you off. They love confusing you, same sort of thing. And they also want to test your boundaries. And they love nothing more than what Getting an emotional reaction. You guys know that. They also do it to feel important. They're like, Ooh, look at all the chaos. It just helps them feel better in a sick way and it keeps you in panic mode and they love all those things.

(04:25)
So understanding this is that first step to taking your control back again. Okay, so what are three of the most common Thanksgiving manipulation tactics? The last minute schedule change. They'll say, I need an extra hour. I'm running late. Actually I want them in the morning. Instead, plans are changed. Just deal with it. This is not poor planning. This is power. It's always power, ? The second one is the guilt trip or hero complex combo. So they'll try, if you cared about the kids, you'd let me, blah, blah, blah. I'm just trying to make Thanksgiving special. Or you are being difficult. They love a good flip around translation. I need to be the hero. So let me control the day. And the third common Thanksgiving manipulation is the kids as messengers move, this one gets under my skin. You too. They'll send emotional bombs through the children.

(05:32)
So something like daddy's so sad he can't see you all day, but mommy wouldn't let you stay or daddy wishes that he didn't have to share, ? If you're doing this, by the way at all, any of this, don't do it. Okay? I know we can have our moments as well. So make sure, and I know you're not a narcissist, but don't pick up. It's hard. I won't get into this in this episode, but it is a good episode. I should probably do about just almost like the getting back at or tit for tatting never fall into their trap, but any guilt trip to the kids, never, ever, ever do this. So something like daddy wishes he didn't have to share, but I do. Okay? It's not healthy, but they do it and they do it a lot. So this puts the kids in the emotional crossfire, which is not okay, but you can respond without adding fuel and we'll get there too.

(06:34)
So then the calm confidence response plan. So we have some scripts included in this. You love a good script. I do. Good. Stick around. Stick with Christie here. Al, so boundary. Skip for a last minute schedule. Change something like this. Thanks for letting me know. We'll stick to the parenting agreement. I'll see you at 11 o'clock or whatever the scheduled time is. You can say the scheduled time. 11:00 AM ? Put it in writing. If you guys have not gotten this in your heads yet, put everything in writing. Everything in writing. Preferably use Family wizard or some third party app that your attorney or anyone else, the courts, if they need access, everything is recorded in one place. But anyway, keep it short, neutral, no emotions. If you get anything out of all my podcast, keep your emotions out of it and no openings for them to counter, ?

(07:35)
It's just like, oh, thanks for letting me know, but we're going to stick to the plan, the parenting agreement. See you at 11, no opening. We're not negotiating. Not with the terrorist. Al? And a boundary script. If they push again, because we know our arcs, the plan is already set. I'll see you at the agreed time. A boundary script for guilt trips. I'm not discussing this. Please keep communication to logistics only boundary script for kids as messengers, which we again say a big hell no response for that. I'll communicate directly with you. Please don't give the kids messages meant for adults. Okay? And again, put these all in writing if possible. If you're face-to-face, you also can use them verbally. But these send a clear message. I'm not playing your holiday games. Okay, Rudolph, stay in your lane, stay in your damn lane. Okay? So let's add a little 62nd nervous system reset for holiday moments.

(08:44)
And I'll probably be doing the Thrive five along these lines, but maybe you're not going to have time to watch, to have time to listen to Thursday's show because it'll be Thanksgiving. I'll probably post it Wednesday night. Maybe I will actually post it that night. That's a good idea. So then if you do have time Wednesday, you can listen to it before the big Turkey day. I'll do a thrive in five for that. Okay? So that's the plan for you guys. Okay? Change of plans on my end. I'm like a narc on Thanksgiving. Changing plans last minute. Al? So if you start to feel your chest tighten in these moments, your stomach drop or your brain spinning, do this. Okay, let's call it a holiday grounding reset. Shall we give it a little fun? Tinsel first, plant your feet and feel the floor. If you can take your shoes off, really feel grounded, then exhale longer than you inhale.

(09:45)
So you're inhaling maybe two seconds in, two, one out, 4, 3, 2, 1. Then we do the five visual things around you name 'em. So you're looking around palm tree fan curtain, red shirt, chipped nails. I got to get a manicure. Okay? That keeps you in the present. Then you're going to place your hand on your heart and you're going to tell you all sexy old body, you are safe. I am here. You are not alone, okay? You're never alone. You got the big GOD with you. And if you're not a God believer, whatever, whoever, however, I'm a big God person, so I love having God with me at all times. You could be like, I got Christy Jade and her queen ass crown with me. Okay? You are safe. I'm here. You're not alone. You always got yourself and either God or creepy Christy with her crown.

(10:53)
I don't know why I'm there with you. Things just got weird. Al? So this works because you're bringing your nervous system out of the threat mode, which is exactly where narcissists tried to push you, ? They want you there feeling just rattled. And you are going to be, believe me, you will work with me. You're going, you're going to get real close to getting unrattled barely ever. And then maybe never. Yay. We love that. All ? And then the kids need one regulated parent. So this has to be you. It can and it will. Even if that's not this second, that's fine. Okay? You have time. We'll get there. Even if the co-parent acts up, even if the schedule changes, even if they try to guilt trip the kids, you can and should be the emotional anchor in your home. And it sucks being the bigger person.

(11:53)
But here we are, you have been chosen, okay, speaking of that big man upstairs, thanks God for choosing us to be the bigger people. Such an easy job, al? But when you stay steady, your kids feel steady. When you regulate yourself, the kids regulate faster, they learn from you. When you refuse to take the bait from that narc, the drama fizzles out quicker. And that's good for everybody. And you cannot control the narcissist behavior, but you can control your energy, your boundaries, and your peace. And that is what changes the entire holiday. So if the holidays are brutal with a narcissistic, this is exactly the work I do with my one-on-one clients. The nervous system support the scripts, the strategy, the healing, all the goodness. So my spots are very limited, and that means that's because emotionally I put everything into my clients. If you're a client of mine, you're probably like, yep, that's true.

(13:06)
I will go above and beyond. So I put a lot of myself into this coaching and somatic healing. So I do open spots in my schedule, but I only take on a certain amount of clients at a time. now, I have had an influx, a lot of ongoing clients, so three month clients. So that means that I have a couple spots open. And in January, I think in January, one spot opens up unless they continue on, which often my clients do after the three months. But just saying, if you're interested in working with me in December, let me know. Some of you, I had someone reach out asking about January already. You can do that too though. If you want to sign up, but you feel like the holidays, it's too chaotic, whatever, email me, let me know. We will figure out a little plan and put you on.

(14:06)
We can not put you on the schedule in January, but we can talk and leave it open. So I will let you know when time opens up and we can put you on the schedule that way. So really, if you want that nervous system support and the scripts that are personalized to you in your situation and just trying to understand the narcissist, some of you are still kind of working that out. But then the somatic healing is where this magic, epic, crazy mind blowing work comes I every single time, which is almost every, I would say 98% of my calls, I do some sort of somatic healing. It is just indescribable amazing work. It's why I do what I do now because the shifts that come so quickly in people is beautiful and it feels like magic. I mean, that sounds hokey. And I'm not saying magic in the woo woo magic which way I'm saying magic in a God way, a spiritual way.

(15:14)
It's magic because, and our bodies are magic. The body remembers trauma and your brain and your body are not always in sync. So you can mentally even kind of rewrite some things and be like, I know that. I know that it wasn't my fault and I've pushed the guilt away. But deep down, you still are carrying guilt that is physically weighing your shoulders down or has you in knots in your stomach, or anytime you see their name, it triggers you as if you're still living with that person. These are the things we work on. And if you want more information, there's always information in my show notes. So you can click on the links there to get more information. If you want to sign up, you can sign up. But if you want to just read more about it before you sign up, it goes into more detail.

(16:06)
And you can always email me and my emails in the show notes too. Fierce Mama C at Gmail. That's , I'm fierce, I'm a mama and I'm C and I'm ready to work with you. Let's go change some lives. And you guys, I have news for you. I've got news and I'll tell you my news. Are you ready for it? Are you still waiting? Are you still here on the edge of your seat? I have finished the first pass of my book, which is going to be about yes, narcissistic abuse recovery because duh, ? But it's going to have my queen flavor in it. This won't be a boring book. This is going to be a sassy educational but glittery empowering book. And I'm so excited, so excited. I am going to add a little more flavor to it. I was focusing on the content.

(17:06)
My first pass, it has a little of me of course naturally, but I'm going to try to stylize it just a touch more. And then I am going to, I've been in touch with a couple editors, reach out to a couple more. I'm trying to go big mama's going, big mama's reaching out to editors that are maybe out of my league. But I believe God wants this book to impact a lot of people. And I believe in my work and you guys are so amazing and I want more people like you to be able to be helped and make it in not such a stale. I want it to be not fun, but we have fun, don't we? Clients out there. We have some fun a little bit.

(17:56)
This is really empowering work and I want it to be uplifting and I want this book to be. It is uplifting and making women feel empowered and sparkly and knowing their truth and re-identifying themselves. It's going to be a great book. And so I'm really excited. And if you know an editor that's amazing and you want to recommend anyone, I never know what contacts I have on here, please email me. So I am looking for a developmental editor first to just make sure all the loose ends are tied up. And I'd really love to get it published in 2026. I don't know if that's over aspirational, but I'm a quick lady. They don't call me a bunny for no reason, okay? I'm bunny with a crown. So that's just something really exciting I wanted to share with you guys and I hope that you will all enjoy reading it.

(18:59)
I think you will. I can't wait till it's just printed and in my hands and bookstores. It's just going to be amazing. Al, so look, Thanksgiving back to the content at hand here. Thanksgiving does not have to be a battlefield with an arc. It seems like it does, ? But it's not going to ever be perfect and flowy like you're dealing with a healthy human. But you are allowed to keep things simple. Stick to the plan, protect your peace and your children's peace. Refuse their manipulation. Have a nice holiday and choose the calm over the chaos. You got to really start seeing the chaos for what it is from a zoomed out lens. Say that's chaos. How can I avoid being in the chaos? Don't take the bait, don't be emotional. Do a 92nd, even a ten second body, calm down. Reminding yourself, this is always motivation for me.

(19:58)
I want my daughter to have peace. So calm the F down. You little crazy Italian woman inside in there. Okay? Do you have a little crazy Italian in you too? Al, so this here, your mantra is their chaos is not my responsibility. It doesn't have to have anything to do with you. And if it gets too chaotic, you can walk the hell out, whatever you got to do or walk away, ? You've got this and I am here. here cheering you on. Okay? So I will see you in the next episode. I will post that Wednesday. I don't know exactly what time, but I will try to do it maybe on the earlier side. Maybe I can post it Tuesday night. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. So sparkle, sparkle up. Okay, enjoy your Turkey and your mashed potatoes and your stuffing. My favorite, I think, I don't know.

(20:57)
I don't even care about the Turkey. Don't hurt me. It's that stuffing in the mashed potatoes for me. I love them both. It equally. Maybe stuffing a hair more. I have potatoes so much more throughout the year, so it's kind of like stuffings a little special. I should do an episode on stuffing. No, but email me and tell me your favorite side on Thanksgiving, acquiring wines mines. Want to know? I also make my own cranberry sauce is delectable. So also come join my private Facebook group with all of us sexy and narc abuse survivors. Yes, we bring it there. So that's a private group. It's private, which I love. So you can join that. That link is also in the show notes and if you want to share it there, maybe I'll do a little post and say what side do you love? And people will be like, what does this have to do with narcissistic abuse? And I'll say absolutely nothing. This is my a DD squirrel brain thinking about stepping. I'm going to go do it now so I don't forget. Okay? Al, love you guys. See you on Wednesday rather than Thursday this week for a special Thrive in five. Don't forget to follow my podcast. Love you. Bye.

A 90-Second Reset to Calm Narcissist-Triggered Thoughts

Thu, 20 Nov 2025 06:01:00 -0500

Episode Summary
If you’re stuck in obsessive or intrusive thoughts after dealing with a narcissist, you’re not broken — your nervous system is reacting to past trauma and ongoing triggers. In this short somatic episode, you’ll learn a simple 90-second reset that interrupts the mental loop, calms your body, and brings you back into the present.

Designed specifically for survivors who can’t fully go no contact or who are dealing with co-parenting, post-separation abuse, or unpredictable communication.

What You’ll Learn

Why narcissist-triggered thoughts become obsessive
How trauma-bond withdrawal and hypervigilance fuel spirals
The 90-second grounding method that stops the loop
A fast orienting technique that pulls you out of overthinking
How to reduce reactivity and calm your nervous system in real time

Your Next Step in Healing
Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching & Somatic Healing

1-Month Private Coaching (Nervous System Reset & Support)
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly

3-Month Transformational Coaching (Deep Healing + Identity Rebuild)
Weekly sessions + Voxer support.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly

Empowered Boundaries Course
10 video modules + meditation bundle.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries

Paid Resource: Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
Instant responses that stop panic and overthinking.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Free Resource: Boundaries Pocket Guide
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join the Free Facebook Community
https://facebook.com/groups/christyjade

TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you Queen. If you're brain has been running like a hamster on Red Bull since Tuesday's episode, today's Thrive in five is your reset button. And if you did not listen to Tuesday's episode, you may want to also go listen to that, that goes into this way deeper and we'll be very, very helpful to you. Alright, so today though, we have a mini practice that takes under five minutes. So no excuses why you can't use it. And it uses the same loop breaking tools from the full episode Tuesday, but it's condensed into a little tiny, repeatable nervous system ritual you can use. Anytime those thoughts start spiraling. Okay, so let's get you back into your peace bubble. Alright, so step one, the statement that stops the spiral. Okay, say this out loud or in your mind, I'm a big speaker, but you know that I have a podcast, I like to talk out loud. Alright? But you can say it in your mind if you'd like repeat after me. This thought is not a warning, it's a leftover survival response.

(01:34)
So this is a great episode by the way, to save. So you have this and or also write this down in a journal on a sticky note. But with this specific sentence statement, you're letting your brain know this is old danger, not now. Our body is holding something onto something that it feels is reality. Okay? So we're kind of rewiring here. Step two, this is the 92nd reset. So you can place your hand on your heart and you're going to inhale through the nose for four seconds. Practice if you'd like 4, 3, 2, 1, then exhale, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And you repeat this for a full minute and a half, okay? And this lengthened exhale tells your nervous system we are safe. Stand down, stand down, everybody, we are safe. Okay, now step three, the orienting practice. If you've been following me, you may have heard of this already, but we're stacking this alongside the breathing and the statement, right?

(02:56)
So this is about 30 seconds. You're going to look around and name five things that you can see. Okay? You're going to check out, oh, that's me in the mirror. I have a mirror in my room. There I am, boom, looking like a queen. My ballerina statue, a picture of me and my husband. Makes my heart all warm and fuzzy. My pineapple pillow. Who else likes pineapples? And let's see what else we got my palm tree painting. So look around for five items in your room. It could even just be your wall and you're just looking at the texture. Whatever is going to pull you into the present moment, your safety present moment, right? So step four, stop the future fantasy. So when your brain jumps to what if they use this line, because I know we do that cycling in our brains. What if they do this? What if they do that? What if they say this? You've got to be able to know you can handle it and you are going to repeat after me. Of course you can write this down, but we're just practicing. We're saying it out loud. We're in our mind because it helps. Alright, I'll handle it if it happens.

(04:20)
Right now I'm here. This ends the mental rehearsal. Your system is stuck in. And step five, the post contact detox, right? Because you know when you have contact with them, you need to just shed that shiz out the door. So after any contact, whether it be text, email, a drop off, seeing their name, do one tiny detox. You can pick one of these. You can shake out your arms, you can take a 10 minute walk, you can put on some Britney Spears or brain dump, just two sentences into your little notes app or somewhere, somewhere private. And this prevents their energy from marinating up in your body all day. Nobody needs that narky energy. Gross. Okay? So I hope that you enjoyed this and are getting value. If you are getting value from these episodes, can you share them with someone who could also use the value?

(05:33)
That's always fun. And make sure you're following along on the podcast. Whatever platform you're on, make sure you hit that follow button on my main page, you just go right to my main page and there should be a follow. So you can't always go no contact, right? But you can go no access. This is emotionally, mentally, spiritually. You can still have control of that. The more of this type of work you do, every time you interrupt that loop, you're teaching your body, this is not an emergency anymore. Isn't that great? This is not an emergency we have, oh that sense of urgency. This is not an emergency anymore, this is not urgent anymore. And that's when your peace starts expanding and you get that golden bubble just burst in with joy. Alright? So if you want to learn not just how to deal with a narcissist, of course that is where my coaching comes in.

(06:33)
But we also do the somatic healing parallel to that. And what does that look like? That is healing from the inside. Like I said, that body remembers everything and stores it. So even when your mind may understand something, your body can get stuck. And PTSD is a good example of that with veterans. They know they're not at war anymore, but their body thinks they are similar mechanism. So if you want help either with the tangible things I deal with a lot, I've been dealing with a lot of co-parenting situations, currently divorces all of that. Or I have a client who just needs help navigating her mother who is narcissistic. They come in all shapes and sizes and relationships. So how do you deal with them if you cannot go no contact? That's my specialty. And then even if you aren't in contact with them anymore, whether you are for co-parenting or they're kind of in your life a little bit, or you have not spoken to them in a year, but you still have thoughts or you still just feel like you have that urgency in general, there's a lot of effects that narcissistic abuse can have on you even after you have left.

(07:56)
So we work on that somatic healing, you might get more of that somatic healing. So these are all programs customized to your needs. And I have a monthly program and I have a three month program and both are amazing of course. But the three month is, there's a little more support in between. You can do a walkie talkie app called Voxer if you haven't heard of it, where you can text or leave voice messages and I'll check that daily. I get back to you within usually like 12 hours. Might be up to 24 depending on my schedule. So you can have a little support in between. So that's kind of the bonus of doing the three month and that's really transformational, okay? Because a queen, but we want you to be a double queen. We're going to be double queen energy, alright? Because you deserve that joy and to feel free from all of this and I can help you. So check out the show notes for more information on that and I will see you in the next episode. Love you. Bye

Can’t Go No Contact? How to Stop the Obsessive Thoughts, Calm Your Nervous System & Protect Your Peace Around a Narcissist

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 06:01:00 -0500

Episode Summary

If your mind keeps replaying every conversation, argument, or manipulation, you’re not broken — your nervous system is stuck in protection mode. In this episode, Christy Jade explains why obsessive thoughts happen after narcissistic abuse and the exact steps to interrupt the loop so you can finally reclaim your mental space.

If you feel mentally hijacked, constantly analyzing them, or exhausted from thoughts you don’t want, this episode will show you how to break the cycle and come back to yourself.

What You’ll Learn

Why obsessive thinking is a normal trauma response
How trauma bonding and hypervigilance keep the loop alive
What your brain is trying to protect you from
How to interrupt intrusive thoughts without relying on willpower
Somatic tools to regulate your nervous system
How to restore clarity and stop overthinking

Your Next Step in Healing Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching and Somatic Healing

For survivors who are stuck in loops, overwhelmed, or ready to finally rebuild peace and self-trust with real support and structure.

1-Month Coaching (Private Support & Nervous System Reset)
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly

3-Month Coaching (Deep Healing, Identity Rebuild, Full Transformation)
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly

Paid Resource: Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts

If overthinking or panic about how to respond is feeding your mental spiral, these scripts stop it instantly.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course

10 video modules, meditation bundle, and lifetime access.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries

Free Resource: Boundaries Pocket Guide

https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join the Free Facebook Community

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Mama, if you've tried journaling, blocking, deleting, praying, meditating, and you still cannot stop thinking about the narcissist, especially when you can't go no contact because of the kids, court, family, or finances, this episode is going to be a little lifeline for you. Okay? I'm going to break down why your brain won't let go, and the steps to stop the obsessive thoughts. Calm that cute little nervous system of yours and reclaim your peace. Remember your peace bubble. You know about that? Yeah. We want to get your peace bubble on, okay? Even if you're still in contact like frequently. Okay, here we go.

(00:46)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:44)
All right, Queens, let's go there. Alright, you're not obsessed, you're not weak, you're not crazy. Well, maybe a little crazy, but the good crazy, like my kind of crazy. I like your crazy. Okay, alright. Your brain is actually doing exactly what a brain does when it's been trapped in a cycle of trauma plus unpredictability. Okay? So here's what's happening. We're going to do the queen breakdown. Number one, the threat detector part of your brain. It's still on patrol, it's still out there with its shield, with its sword, it's ready. So when you have to share a child, a house, a calendar school event, your brain is scanning, what will their mood be like today? Will they explode? Will they pull something? This is hypervigilance, and it's not like your character flaw, it's just survival mode, what you've been conditioned to do. Number two, your nervous system is addicted to the pattern, so it's not addicted to them.

(02:51)
This is a misconception. You're not really addicted to them. You have been, again, kind of conditioned to be addicted to the cycle, the anticipation, the crash, the tiny breadcrumbs of calm that can happen here and there. Your body learned to stay ready. So that leads us to number three, this lack of closure that keeps that loop spinning, right? That addictive loop. So narcissists don't give real endings. They don't give apologies, especially legit ones. They might really fake it. They don't give ownership accountability, and they sure as hell don't give the truth. So your brain keeps searching for what it never got and it is still not getting. Number four, if you cannot go no contact, that loop resets every single time they pop up One email, one we need to talk, one school event where they walk in like a ghost of drama past. Oh, you feel that?

(04:13)
Feel the holidays coming. Yeah, you're going to feel 'em big time. You got a narc. We'll definitely do an episode about that. But then boom, the cycle restarts. You are not imagining this. This is a biological reason that you can't shut it off F. So why just ignoring them doesn't really work for you. A lot of advice online is for people who get to go no contact. I've even shared episodes at that, right? It's a great thing if you can do that. But for most survivors, I would say at least 90% of my clients now, maybe more now, actually, you are living with them while separating. Maybe you're dealing with maybe a narcissistic parent. So even if you're not co-parenting, there could be this reason you can't disconnect. Totally. Maybe you're stuck in the same town, the same friendship circle, the same court system, the same school.

(05:26)
Let me say this clearly, you cannot regulate your nervous system by pretending danger is not danger. You regulate it by understanding what's happening inside of you and giving your body a different experience. Which brings us to drum roll. That's my really sad attempt at a drum roll. Can you hear it? Okay, how to stop the obsessive thoughts, the brain loop breakers. So, alright, loop breaker number one, give your brain a script. Your brain like mine hates uncertainty. So what are we going to do? We're going to give it certainty, ladies, okay? Try this phrase. This thought is not a warning, it's a leftover survival response. This thought is not a warning. It's not like a reality warning, right? It's a leftover survival response. And so you can repeat that every time the intrusive thought hits and you're teaching your brain, this is old danger, not current danger.

(06:40)
This isn't my current reality, right? Loop breaker number two, the 92nd nervous system reset, baby. This is quick, right? 90 seconds, we all have 90 seconds. It's gentle and it works. Okay? So number one, put your hand to your heart. Two exhale longer than you inhale, right? You inhale four seconds in, and then you're going to exhale six seconds out. So you're really expelling that breath. And then three, look around the room and name five things you can see. Look at my beautiful palm tree. Look at my beautiful palm tree pajamas. Do you notice a pattern? I like palm trees. Oh, palm tree comforter. I'm not lying, you guys. Alright, so you get the idea though. You're looking around finding five things and this tells your brain we are not with the narcissist right now. We're safe.

(07:42)
We're in Palm Beach, baby. Okay, now, loop breaker number three. This is the micro no contact method. So even when you can't go full, no contact, you can create these little predictable micro boundaries. These kind of like rules. Boundaries only respond at certain times, only respond through one channel. Many of my clients, if you're listening, you're like, yeah, here Christie is, we've heard these before, right? Keep it simple. Only use short factual sentences. Do not take the bait, do not get emotional. Do not fall into their traps of oversharing your information. They don't need it. Short, factual sentences, no emotional explanations. Let's highlight that. They want your emotions. They can use them against you later. It's one of their favorite pastimes and present times if you let it be. Don't. And no jade is in this so beautiful, but this is my name, right? Christy Jade, huh?

(08:51)
And it can stand for no justifying JA for arguing. No arguing. D, for defending. Do not defend yourself. You have no reason to and no explaining. You don't need to explain shizz. Okay? So Jade, justify, argue, defend, explain. Don't do none of 'em. So this cuts down the emotional activation and the mental replay. Isn't that beautiful? So beautiful. Alright, in our last loop breaker number four. Last but not least, interrupt the fantasy. We don't just obsess over what happened. We obsess over what might happen, what they could do next, what we should have said, right? I do all those things. I've done all those things. I currently don't do them. I'm not saying I never do. Look, we're never perfect, okay? We are never fully a thousand percent healed. I'm going to throw that out there. So we all have our moments, but this is something, it can be literally night and day still.

(09:58)
Okay? So we want to get rid of these constantly worrying about what might happen and what I could have done or what could happen next. When you catch your brain running all these future episodes, use this line. We'll handle that. If it happens right now I'm here. It's kind of like cross the bridge, baby, cross that golden bridge. We'll handle it if it happens, and you know I'm going to bring God into this, right? Let's have a God moment together. God's handling it and God will help me handle it if and when it needs to be handled. Right now, I'm here in the present in my truth, right this second. It brings you back into that present moment and that's where your power actually is. So how to calm your nervous system when you still have to deal with them. Well, here are your real world Christie approved tools.

(11:05)
Number one, we're going to create a pre-contract ritual. So before you respond to a message or see them in person, do one grounding exercise. It trains your brain and your body not to panic at the sound of their name. You'll see over time, the more you do it that the more you won't have that visceral reaction. Okay? One grounding. I have a bunch of episodes with all sorts of grounding techniques, but you can always email me if you'd like. Help with that. My email's always in the show notes. And two, create a post contact detox. Okay? Yeah, you want to shake that nasty dark energy off of your queen body. Okay? So something little. It doesn't have to be crazy. You could take a 10 minute walk, a warm shower, shake out your arms. I love a good arm shake. Okay? I might look crazy, but I feel good music, right?

(12:04)
Your favorite jams a brain dump note if you're like to write stuff down, okay? Otherwise, all that toxic crap stays in your body for hours, maybe years, and you do not look cute in toxicity. Okay? I am sorry you don't, nobody does. Don't take offense. Alright? And then three, limit their access. Even if they don't know it, you decide when you read the messages. This is the training that can be hard to redo this. And this is where my work with you one-on-one really comes into play, right? We are going to rewire that so you can do this work so you can decide and stick to your boundaries. When you read messages, when you reply, what you reply, how much space you give, this is where you get your power back, getting that control back. So you get to say, I'm only going to read their messages at 3:00 PM every day.

(13:02)
Obviously if they have your kid, you might want to just read it to make sure everything's okay. But when you have your kid in your possession, you don't need to be checking if they're sending 50 messages a day about bs. No thank you. And you get to decide when you reply. If you have court papers that say you must reply within 24 hours, okay, there you go. But outside of legalities, you get to decide. Okay? And then finally, build a safety identity. Start telling yourself, I'm a woman who protects her peace every day as every boundary, every calm response, you become the version of you who's no longer reactive, you're grounded, you're clear, and not available for the chaos. Can you say, I'm not available for the chaos? Please tell me, come on. That's right, you're not. Okay, so we're getting wrapped up here. I know this is kind of longer episode. Oh, it's actually not. It feels so long. I guess I'm jamming a lot in here. Wow, it's only 13 minutes so far, you guys, you could listen to it twice. Alright, so the truth you need to hear, the goal is not to become immune to them overnight.

(14:23)
It's to become less reactive, less activated, less available. I love that one. Less attached. You're still attached if you're having these issues and less mentally occupied. I know that's a huge one for you guys and I've been there. You want them out of your dang brain and every little shift is healing. And when you train your brain and your body to stop treating them like an emergency, can we say that again? When you train your brain and your body to stop treating them like an emergency, that's the problem here, right? That's the big holdup. The obsession fades and your peace expands soon. You might not even need that golden peace bubble around you. You'd be like, I am peace Emma. Okay? And you finally become the version of you that the narcissist never wanted you to meet. And they don't want to meet her either.

(15:28)
That's right. Come at me, bro. Okay, comment. Christie, I need to use a grounding tool. Alright? So if this episode felt like someone finally is explaining what's happening in your body and your brain, you're not alone. And you are very capable of breaking these cycles. So don't listen to anyone saying you're damaged forever or Oh, I don't want to hear it. We are queens and we are absolutely capable of breaking these cycles and yes, more quickly than you think. It's with some slow titrated work, but the transformations that my clients have are insane. So again, you want to do one-on-one work. Go to my show notes, click the different ways we can work together one-on-one. The most transformational epic shit that will happen in your life. Yeah, I'm getting excited. Yeah, I'm biased. Is my three month transformational coaching? It's not just coaching, it is coaching mixed with.

(16:35)
And that's really like we are going through how to deal with the narcissist themselves, how to deal with you, your nervous system, what tools, it's all the tangibles and methods. And then we have the somatic healing aspect, which is it's mind blowing work that you can't really explain until you've done it. You can try. I have tried, but the level of depth and how amazing it is is really hard to describe. But it is healing from the body are sometimes I call 'em soul cas. We go on just a beautiful calm little soul cas. Other times if you're having pain or tension, we will sit with that and we will resolve that. I mean, I can tell you anytime I've had a client coming in with pain that can be manifested from emotional things, we have always lessened it, if not completely gone because everything is tied together.

(17:39)
So I'm just telling you, it is amazing work. And these are tools, both the more tangible things and the energetic somatic things we do are tools you can use yourself, you can take with you and you can teach your children. You are breaking cycles and passing along tools that are going to change the world. Yep, I said it. They're going to change. Now if everyone did this, oh there would be no war. Everyone would hold hands and smile and have rainbows and bunnies all day. Yep. Alright. That means it's Christie's overtired time. I am recording this at night and I am a little tired and when I'm tired sometimes I sing weird songs. Alright, so you get the point here, right? You want to work one-on-one, really transform, sign up for the three month transformational coaching. I also have a monthly option. Both are going to get you epic results with the three month.

(18:45)
There is the bonus of you get to have video, not video. That'd be a lot. I love you guys. Not that much. No, I'm just kidding. In between, you can do audio recordings or text on the Voxer app. It's like a walkie-talkie app. It is free. It's kind of like WhatsApp I guess. And you get that in between calls so you get the support. So this is for people who really are ready for this work, ready to do this and just want to take their life back. So if that's you, sign on up. I'm so excited to help any of you. This is why I'm here. So that it is my baby. I have a course, a boundaries course, you can buy that too. My baby is my one-on-one transformational three month shit that just I get so excited for because the work we do is sacred.

(19:46)
So yes, come hit or I do not have tons of spots open. So if you want that, there are limited spots because I have limited time, obviously it takes a lot of time. And these are hour long video calls every week. And then I email you and sometimes we have plans or different, sometimes I will look at your divorce documents. I'm there for that kind of support too. I'm not an attorney, but I will give advice and I will tell you what to ask your attorney. Stuff like that. So it runs the gamut. Alright? So check out those things in the show notes and join my Facebook community for that little daily support. You can talk to each other in there. And your piece is not only possible, it's inevitable when you learn how to protect it with your little golden bubble. Alright? So I will see you in the next episode. Remember, Thursdays episodes are always related to Tuesdays, but they're just these little bite-sized somatic healing episodes. And don't forget to follow the podcast, whatever platform you're listening so you don't miss out on any of my episodes because there is so much fun here. I mean, who knew you could have fun healing from narcissistic abuse? This guy did. This girl. Excuse me. All right, love you guys. See you the next one.

The Partner After the Narcissist: How to Support a Woman Healing From Toxic Relationships (Without Triggering Her)

Sat, 15 Nov 2025 07:44:00 -0500

Episode Summary

If your partner is healing from narcissistic abuse and you want to support her without triggering past trauma, this episode gives you the essential steps to show up as the safe, steady partner she needs. Today, I’m breaking down what survivors carry into new relationships, the communication shifts that help her feel secure, and the practical ways to be a grounded, supportive partner — especially if her past involved narcissistic or toxic relationships.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

Why loving a survivor can feel different (and why it’s not your fault)
The nervous system patterns survivors often bring into new relationships
How the wrong type of “space” can trigger abandonment fears
The power of time-stamped reassurance (and how to use it)
Validation vs. problem-solving — and why survivors need both in the right order
What NOT to do when she shuts down, spirals, or becomes hypervigilant
How healthy, steady love rewires her sense of safety

Your Next Step in Healing

If this episode helped you understand your partner — or helped you feel seen in your own healing — and you want deeper support, I offer private 1:1 coaching to help women rebuild emotional safety, boundaries, peace, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse.

You’re not meant to navigate this alone.
You deserve support built for your nervous system and your season of healing.

Work With Christy Monthly Coaching and Somatic Healing

A powerful month of private support to help you break patterns, rebuild self-trust, regulate your nervous system, and make real movement in your healing.
Includes: weekly 1:1 sessions, tailored tools, and coaching support between calls.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

Quarterly Coaching and Somatic Healing

Three months of deep transformation designed to help you rise, rebuild, and create lasting internal safety.
Includes: weekly 1:1 sessions + unlimited Voxer support between calls for ongoing guidance, integration, and nervous system co-regulation.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

"Copy.Paste.Peace." Scripts

Get the exact boundary, communication, and nervous-system-safe scripts you need for co-parenting, texting, conflict, and more.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Free Resources Boundaries Pocket Guide

Quick-reference boundary scripts, grounding tools, and communication lines you can use today.
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Listener Request

If you want a Part 2 specifically for partners — or an episode on how women can learn to receive healthy love after abuse — send me a message and let me know. I’d love to create exactly what you need.

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello. This episode is for Queens and Kings, and if you are a regular listener, it could get some insight into you and what you need for you. But this was created specifically for partners of someone who has gone through narcissistic abuse or just toxic relationships in general, right? So thank you to the listener who wrote in, I don't know if he is a listener, but he knows of me somehow and wrote in asking for information on how to support his partner. That is someone who is recovering and healing from narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. So hats off just the fact he wrote in shows so much. So thank you for all the super supportive partners out there, right? So if you are that partner after the narcissist or a friend or someone who just wants to know how to help people who have gone through this abuse, you're the safe one, the steady one, the one that they can finally breathe around or maybe should be able to finally breathe around, right? This episode is for you loving a woman who's healing from toxic relationships. It is different. I don't want to go say it's, oh, it's so much harder, but it is different and there are specific ways to deal with it. Just like everything else. Everyone has their stuff, so I'd like to call it not harder, but different. And if you want to support her without triggering those old wounds, like I said, you're already a rare kind of person. So let's talk about how to show up for them the right way.

(01:50)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.

(02:48)
Alright, Kings and queens, because this can be, if you are just a normal listener of mine, this could be beneficial to you to just understand yourself and what you need a little more too, and what you can relay to your partner. And then if you are a partner, then this is definitely for you. So thank you for taking the time to listen to this. If you are a partner, you get a super king or a queen crown on that lovely nugget of yours. Alright, so this person that wrote in said, how do I support my partner in her healing journey and stating that their ex was in other relationships that were toxic and struggling with triggers and open communication. So how do I support her? So yes, thank you for existing and we appreciate you, but here is the real truth. When you love a woman or a man, I'm going to put this kind of generally out there today because men and women will be listening to this who has survived narcissistic abuse.

(03:53)
You're not just dating her, you're dating her nervous system. She has developed a nervous system in survival mode. So it is going to be different. So today I'm going to give you a foundation, what she's carrying, what accidentally may trigger her, what helps and how to show up as that safe, steady partner that she probably has not had in her life. So this is not going to be a deep dive that deserves its own series. So let me know, please email me if you want this to go deeper, if there is a big need for it, I will do more bonus episodes on this, but this is the starting point. So first, why loving her is different. She doesn't walk into the relationship as a blank slate. I mean no one really does, but she really doesn't, right? She has got hypervigilance, a fear of getting in trouble.

(04:55)
So imagine living like that all the time. Chronic overexplaining herself, apologizing just for existing, basically fear of conflict, fear of disappointing you and fear that safety is temporary, right? Because she went through love bombing. She went through ups and downs of a narcissist. So even when it felt better, it never lasted. Okay? In her last past relationships, she learned love can turn on you. Affection is unpredictable. You're not always going to get it, and it will be actually kept from you as punishment. Being honest gets you punished. Just stating facts, even if you're not coming at someone in attacking way, will get you punished. And staying quiet is what keeps the peace. Spoiler alert, there's no peace with a narcissist. But at moments, if you stay quiet, that can keep them happy momentarily. There's only moments with narcissists, it's a roller coaster. So when she gets triggered in your relationship, she's not exactly reacting to you.

(06:16)
I don't want you to be holding this burden of that part of it. She's reacting to that ghost of a person who has trained her nervous system to be and react how it is. So first, you didn't cause the wound. I don't want you to have to have any guilt, any doubts about yourself, okay? Because your peace and your joy is just as important as hers. So you do need to remember that. And there should be no abuse going on to you just because she went through abuse. So if she's carrying abusive behaviors because she's angry because of what she went through, then that's something she needs to heal. And you should not accept that behavior. But your closeness means you stand where it does get activated. She can get triggered because you in your space and when you guys are having conversations or conflicts.

(07:13)
So what does she need most from you after the narcissist? And these are the core pieces that will help her rebuild that trust and safety over time, over time. This is not overnight. I know that's not fun. We want everything yesterday, especially in 2025, but that's just not going to happen here. So you do have to decide, do I have the patience for this? That is something you have to decide, right? This is a long-term thing, and if you're in it, beautiful, you're amazing. Thank you. And if you feel like you want it to be done in a week from now, you should probably evaluate the relationship. Alright? So number one, what she needs, consistency over hero moves. Okay? She doesn't need fixing, she needs predictable. So your calm, steady presence, being there for her when she needs you. And again, you're not sacrificing your whole life for this person and everything, all your interest and your friends.

(08:21)
You're not going to isolate yourself like a narcissist does to someone to accommodate. But reassuring goes so far, and we'll get to more of that, but your calm, steady presence heals more than big gestures ever could. Number two, clear and gentle communication. Okay? Ambiguity was used against her in her past relationships. So clarity is so important. You guys, she needs clarity that feels very calm and grounded. So, hey, I'm not upset, I just need to decompress. And by the way, in the next one we're going to talk about getting specific with that, but letting her know, being clear, I'm not upset, I'm not mad at you, I just need to decompress or whatever. Or I want to talk about this. I'm just not regulated right now. Or whatever word you want to use. I know I use therapy wording all the time, but you get me.

(09:23)
Okay? So clarity prevents spiraling, and I'm saying she, but obviously this is used for narcissistic abuse victims that can be male as well, or any of those pronouns out there, but I'm so used to saying she for my podcast. That's what I'm sticking to. Alright, number three, here we go. The timestamped reassurance. This is huge, huge for survivors. This is one of the most healing things a partner can offer. So survivors do not just need reassurance, they need certainty tied to a time. And I know that could be a shift for you, but that doesn't have to be a hard shift. I don't think that a sacrifice that that's a compromise. So because when you walk away or pause a conversation without a clear return point, her brain can go into old programming immediately. That can be a trigger too. Oh God, I'm in trouble.

(10:25)
Oh God, he's mad at me. Oh god, he's going to leave me. Oh God, I messed everything up. Not because of you or what you're doing, I don't know what accent that was, but because of what she survived, what she went through before, and the fix is pretty simple and very, very healing, it's definitely worth it. Okay? Trust me, instead of I need space, right? That can be a very normal thing. And to someone who doesn't carry this weight from their past, that might be like, okay, fine, I need space too. Whatever, but try this instead. Look, I'm not upset with you. I just need 20 minutes to reset. I'll come back and around four o'clock, okay? Or I'll give you a call at four if you're not together or whatever, right? No, just hanging up. No, not answering her call because you're annoyed, right?

(11:28)
They really, really need that reassurance. Even if you pick up and say, look, I really can't talk about this. And even if you are upset, maybe let's say she did do something that did annoy you, you are allowed to have your feelings. So if you are actually upset, you can say, look, I'm upset with this situation, but don't worry, we'll talk about it. I just need to reset. Use the word reset. I just need 20 minutes to reset. I will call you back. Or, alright, let's take a break and talk in an hour. I'm here. We're all right. Even saying we're okay, go so far, or I love you, right? Sticking that in there goes really far too. Look, I love you. I don't want to talk while I'm stressed out, so give me a half hour and then we can talk. But I just want to talk when I'm in a better head space.

(12:30)
And again, if you are upset, you can say, I care about us too much to talk from the state. I just don't want to say the wrong thing while I'm in this head space. Okay, let's reconnect it. Three. Okay? So it actually is a very easy fix to get specific, but a lot of people just don't know to do that. And some survivors don't know they do need that until it's shown to them. I have clients that I said, what would it feel like if next time he said, I don't want to talk about this. What if he said that he would call you at 10? She's like, oh, that would feel better. She didn't even know she needed that, right? So the timestamped reassurance gives her predictability, clear expectations, that emotional safety, and most importantly, I think in my opinion, and going through what I have, that connection still feeling connected.

(13:29)
When we lose that, when we feel or fear that we have lost connection, just emotional connection that we have, it really freaks us out. And I don't have this anymore. I have gone through the healing and I don't have that trigger anymore, but I definitely did, I'd say with a couple of relationships after my biggest narcissistic relationship, there was definitely that trigger, but that can calm her nervous system instantly because she's like, oh, they're not leaving, I'm not being punished. The conversation isn't just going to disappear and then resentment's going to build and he's going to, I'm out and the relationship is still intact. So this one tool prevents about 80% of survivor spirals. Okay? So alright onto the next, the fourth one, validate first and problem solve later. Okay? They do need validation. So she lived in relationships where her feelings were dismissed, minimized and mocked.

(14:40)
Okay? So validation is almost like a medicine, right? I hear you. That makes total sense. Thank you for telling me even if you don't agree with something, thank you for sharing that. Thank you for telling me. Validation doesn't have to mean you agree, it means you care about her experience and she should care about yours as well. Okay? The fifth one, patience with triggers. So I know this can be tough, I get it, but triggers are not, they're not personal. They're survival responses. So really not just knowing that and saying, oh yeah, I know that actually embodying that. You will have to embody that and really deeply accept it. Accepting this is a survival response and it's not personal. It's not personal. So a helpful question is what came up for you just now? Not, I'm not your ex. Why are you acting like I'm your ex? It's not helpful. Sorry guys. It's not helpful. What came up for you just now?

(15:59)
You both know it's not about you. And that will soften the conversation. Okay? Number six, space for autonomy. She lived under control, severe control, probably her and encouraging decision making power is very healing. She may be very, depending where she is in her journey, she could be very uncomfortable with making decisions still. So encouraging her and say, Hey, why don't you pick the movie tonight? I trust you. I trust your judgment. Try that. And you got to be patient. It's frustrating, okay? I mean, I love my husband to death. My husband in general is just so laid back. It can be indecisive where I'm like, oh, well, where do you want to go? He's like, oh, I don't really care. And I mean, sometimes he does, he'll be like, oh, I want tacos tonight. But sometimes I feel like I want to make sure he's getting what he wants all the time.

(17:03)
So I will say like, oh, what do you want? And he's like, I don't know, whatever. And he's so easygoing and accommodating, and his isn't from trauma past, but it's just his personality. But the same goes here where it's good to encourage anyone to have a voice and let them know that you trust, because some of it can come from insecurity. Someone might be like, I don't want to make the wrong decision, so I'm not going to make any decision. So I trust your judgment. We're going to have fun no matter whatever language, let her decide and be patient because they may sit there and stare at the wall for 10 minutes because they're that paralyzed and that's their trauma. But the more you do that, the more comfortable they get and the more self-trust they build, it's going to go way faster, easier, and it's a beautiful thing.

(18:02)
You definitely want it. So you want to have a partner that feels comfortable making decisions. So she may not say it out loud, but inside that sentence, you get to choose and I trust your judgment. Something like that, that is going to really rebuild her. I love it. I love it. So that's a big one. And number seven, slow trust. No pressure. You might, and I am guilty of this just in general with people of being like, oh my God, because you want them to be empowered so much. I have friends that have been in some past, previous past situations and in the earlier points of their healing journey, and sometimes I'm like, oh, don't worry about that. I'm such an empowerment queen, but I have to check myself because their pace isn't a problem. It's protection and healthy love, healthy trust. It doesn't rush.

(19:11)
It invites and waits. So we have to say even with friends, but whatever, whoever you're trying to encourage when they've gone through something like this, it is a slow burn. They can speed it up a little with Somatic Healing by Christie, Jade, ever heard of it? It's amazing. But counseling, therapy, coaching with me, somatic healing with me, any of that, you guys will help accelerate the journey, but we don't want to put pressure on these people who are already dealing with a lot. So here we go, what not to do, even if you mean, well, here we go. These are some mistakes supportive partners accidentally make even with good intention.

(20:04)
And you wouldn't say just get over it, but there's some people who will say, oh, you just have to move on. Even if you say it nicely. Trauma does not respond to logic. It doesn't respond to, oh, you just got to do X, Y, Z. It's done, right? It's a process. Taking her triggers personally, it's rarely about you. It's about her past trying to fix or rescue her, okay? You are her partner. It's not your job to fix her. There's therapy and me for that, okay? You can recommend a therapist, you can recommend my podcast, recommend working with me to help this along. But it's not your job and it shouldn't be your job for your sake. You need to keep your piece too. So yes, if you want to be a supportive partner, cool. You are not the person who needs to be her therapist and fixer, okay?

(20:56)
There's a difference. And then comparing yourself to her ex, it adds pressure and it fuels the shame she already has. So no mentioning of the Xs, okay? And then this one, ah, I just hate this. It has been a huge trigger for me in the past minimizing what happened, right? Just like, oh, don't worry about it. He is not here anymore. You're not with him. Just forget about it. That whole energy, even if you're trying to be helpful, she can't just forget it. That's not something you can just forget. Her body remembers, right? If you guys don't know, I do somatic healing. I heal the body through the body from the body, the body, body. Because the body remembers even when her mind wants to move on, or even when the mind has actually done some healing, the body still doesn't always catch up with the mind.

(21:55)
So you can't just forget. Just move on. It is not that simple. Okay? So your role is not to erase her past, it happened, but the beautiful thing you get to do is create a new experience of safety and stability and love and peace for her. And it's not your job. I want to add this. I'm not trying to put all of this stuff on you guys. She has to do her healing journey herself. It's not your responsibility, but if you want to support, these are tips, but you also cannot lose yourself or your peace at the expense of somebody that is very important. So if she's not doing the work or just like, this is just how I am, or there's any abuse going on, that's a different story. And you shouldn't be a part of a toxic situation like that. Okay? All right.

(22:55)
So what healthy love does for a survivor, okay? I haven't my husband, I did not know someone like him existed. I will be very honest. I in the beginning felt like I didn't even deserve him. Now I know I'm a great queen. No, but waited for the shoe to drop. I was like, there's no way. There's some person who's this good and this kind and this loving. What's the secret? So we'll talk about what that healthy love does do. So when you love a survivor in a healthy way and show it, you become her nervous systems first experience of peace. And maybe the first time she's really experienced peace, and that is beautiful and it's scary and uncomfortable. I'm thinking back to when I first was with my husband, I almost felt it was boring because those highs and lows were not there. I knew I liked him a lot, but I was like, is this enough for me?

(24:01)
It was amazing and steady rather than Eminem and Kim, crazy roller coaster, which now obviously I know that was not healthy, but it might be uncomfortable even for us in the beginning. But you're becoming that peaceful experience. You're teaching her that calm is real, not a trap. The shoe doesn't have to fall off the other foot. It's not love bombing. It's not a mask. You are showing her that love does not punish love doesn't punish. We as survivors have been punished for things we didn't even ever do. We've been punished in horrible ways and we associated that as a normal thing, right? So you're showing her that's not love. You're helping her unlearn fear. You become evidence that safety exists, right? Like I said about my husband, oh my goodness, he's a safe person. I don't have to worry about him flipping out or bashing my head into a wall or strangling me with a telephone wire.

(25:19)
That's nice. Is my Barlow okay? And then the last one for that, you help her rebuild a version of herself that the narcissist tried to destroy. This part's so important too. I feel like it deserves its own episode. You helping her, well, supporting her, I don't want to say helping her, you're supporting her. Create her new identity, which is really her oldest identity before the world or the narcissist muddled her all up. The true her, the person she deserves to be, right? You get to support her creation of that. So you don't need to be perfect, okay? You're not going to get all of these, especially at first, but the most important, you need to be a safe place for her to land consistent, safe patient. Okay? So for the women listening, I mean the women survivors, if you're healing from abuse and worry, your trauma makes you too much. Take a breath. Okay? You are not too much. You are not broken. If you're broken, I'm broken and this bitch ain't broke. Okay? Your triggers do not make you unlovable. Can you say that out loud? I need to hear you all the way in the back. Need to hear your triggers do No, you said repeat after me. Let's do it. My triggers don't make me unlovable.

(26:57)
Okay? You are learning safety again. And the right partner will not run from that. And I'm not saying if someone feels like they don't have the capacity because of their own stuff, that doesn't make them a bad person either. So I am not shaming anyone who feels like they just don't have the capacity to have someone who's been through a lifetime of abuse. That's okay. But the right person will come and they'll lean in gently with compassion and steadiness the listen to podcast. And you'll be gold, baby gold, just like your crown, right? So like I said, this was a foundation, the starting point. If you want me to do like a miniseries specifically for partners or anything, please give me feedback. Email me always. If you have things you want to hear on my podcast, even if you don't think it fits perfectly in what I normally do, let me know. I love doing this stuff. I love helping anyone.

(28:02)
So we can go deeper on this. And if you are a woman healing from a narcissistic relationship and want support, rebuilding that piece, your boundaries, that lovely nervous system that can be shaken back into the straight and narrow, my one-on-one coaching spaces are always linked in the show notes. So you guys, you are not alone. Whether you have been in a bad situation and you're recovering or you're someone supporting that person, you're not alone. And you should find support through therapists, counseling, support groups, listening to these podcasts. And you deserve the kind of love that feels like exhaling.

(28:51)
That's what it feels like. You hear that kind of creepy. Now I'm going to stop doing that. Okay? So always go to my show notes to see the ways to work with me. I have an Empowered Boundaries course that is epic amazing. Go check that out. And then there's a couple freebies in there, including my Facebook, which is, it is Women only for there that is a private Facebook page for survivors. So yes, I will see you in the next episode and maybe we'll be doing more of these bonus EPS in between. And as always, I love you and give you Smooches Chin up crown up.

Your 5 minute Power Shift for Calmer Co-Parenting and Stronger Kids

Thu, 13 Nov 2025 06:00:00 -0500

The 5-Minute Reset to Protect Your Kids From a Narcissistic Parent (Without Escalating Anything) Episode Summary

What You’ll Learn

How to identify your body’s early alarm signals during narcissistic tension
A simple three-breath pattern to instantly calm your nervous system
How to shift out of emotional reactivity and into factual, steady communication
One-sentence boundary responses that model calm authority for your child
A grounding tool your child can use after visits, calls, or stressful interactions
How to reinforce safety without escalating the conflict or feeding the drama

Your Next Step in Healing

3-Month Coaching: Deep-Dive Transformational Journey
Platinum Coaching (3 months – includes Voxer support)
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

1-Month Coaching: Focused Support + Somatic Healing
Gold Coaching (1 month)
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

The Empowered Boundaries Course
10 training modules, meditation bundle, and lifetime access
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries

Free Resource: The Boundaries Pocket Guide
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join the Free Facebook Community
Private support for women recovering from narcissistic abuse
https://facebook.com/groups/christyjade

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Today's Thrive in five is all about your energy and moments when the narcissistic parent creates tension because your kids absorb your state more than the actual words that are spoken, right? They're little sponges. So you're going to teach your child safety by regulating yourself first, right in the moment. So we're going to give you this advice. You can save this if you're feeling it right now. You can use it now, but you can listen to know what to do. And then definitely save this episode. So in the moment you can refer to it and maybe you can even take little notes. But this is definitely a saver episode. Alright, so you're going to set your timer for five minutes, okay?

The Truth Many Therapists Don’t Tell You: How to Protect Your Kids From a Narcissistic Parent (Without Fueling More Drama)

Tue, 11 Nov 2025 10:44:48 -0500

The Truth Therapists Don’t Tell You: How to Protect Your Kids From a Narcissistic Parent (Without Fueling More Drama)

Episode Summary

You’ve been told to “keep the peace for the kids.”
But what if that advice — the one therapists and co-parenting experts keep repeating — is actually teaching your child to ignore their own intuition?

In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down the truth most professionals avoid: you cannot co-parent with a narcissist. You’ll learn how to stop over-accommodating, document every interaction, and teach your child emotional safety without turning them into your confidant. It’s time to protect both your peace and your child’s nervous system while modeling real, grounded strength.

If you’ve ever felt stuck trying to “stay civil” while your ex keeps creating chaos, this episode will help you see what real peace looks like — and how to hold it.

What You’ll Learn

Why traditional co-parenting advice doesn’t work with narcissists
How old conditioning keeps you accommodating — and how to stop
The importance of documenting every interaction and using third-party apps
How to model calm authority and emotional safety for your kids

Your Next Step in Healing

Empowered Boundaries Course — 10 video modules, meditation bundle, and lifetime access
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries

Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching and Somatic Healing
Choose your transformation level:

(1-Month Coaching Package): https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly
(3-Month Deep-Dive Coaching Journey): https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly

Free Resource: Boundaries Pocket Guide
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join the Free Facebook Community
https://facebook.com/groups/christyjade

TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Queens. I am so excited for this episode. This actually was created because a client of mine and I were talking about this topic and she said, you need to make this an episode. So when y'all speak, I listen. Alright, so you've been told to keep the peace for the kids, right? I'm sure many of you have heard that, but what if that very advice, the ones, many therapists and co-parenting experts keep repeating, is actually quietly teaching your child to ignore their own intuition. So today I'm going to break down the real truth about how to protect your kids from a narc co-parent without losing your sanity or ending up back in court. So let's talk about the advice. Most professionals are too afraid to give you.

(00:54)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:52)
All right, it's Christie Jade. Today's episode might ruffle a few feathers. We're talking about something I see every single week with my clients, the pressure to keep things smooth with a narcissistic co-parent, even when it's slowly destroying your peace and your child's sense of safety. So yes, obviously we don't want to trigger narcissists into pop-off mode, okay? That's not my point here. But here's the hard truth. Most parenting advice out there does not apply when the other parent is a narcissist. You cannot co-parent with someone who loves chaos, control and manipulation. You can parallel parent, and even then you need to do it with strong ass boundaries and rock solid documentation, which I've talked about on this podcast, right? But today we're going to cut through the guilt, the conditioning, and the miss, okay? You're going to walk away knowing what it looks like to protect your child and yourself legally, emotionally, and energetically without ending up back in court.

(03:02)
But no guarantees. I'm not a lawyer, okay? I am just your favorite little truth telling queen with a mic. But we're going to do our best here together. Okay? So first of all, the lie you've been sold, you've been told that kids need both parents equally. You've been told to be flexible. Take the high road, keep communication fully open. But when one parent is toxic or narcissistic in our cases, the advice is actually dangerous because flexibility becomes a weapon. So keeping the peace becomes another way of saying keep walking on eggshells, and you'll see what I'm saying here. But yes, we want to keep the peace in the way of, we want our peace to be protected, but keeping the peace in the general way that many experts will tell you how to do will not work in our situation. Okay? So the truth is, you were conditioned to accommodate the narcissist.

(04:08)
They conditioned you to accommodate them, right? Even after court orders are in place, you may still feel that conditioning. You may still have it even after the chaos nearly broke you. You were trained to minimize their reactions, but that conditioning doesn't just affect you. Your kids feel it and then suffer from it. So your kids are learning from your energy. Kids are intuitive, right? They feel what's happening in the room before they can fully grasp it, even the younger ones. So when you tense up every time a message comes through from your ex, when you overexplain or give in just to keep the peace, they learn that love or relationship means shrinking yourself to stay safe. They don't know the complexities of your relationship with this person. So they're watching you shrink to stay safe, but you were given that mama energy, that protective mama bear energy for a reason. You were chosen to break this pattern, right? Your kids do not need a perfect parent. They need a calm, grounded one who teaches them what real safety feels like because they're not going to get that from little narky narc. Okay? So that starts with one powerful shift. Are you ready? Write it down. Write on your forehead. Stop accommodating dysfunction in the name of peace.

(05:53)
Okay? Stop accommodating dysfunction in the name of peace. True peace is not built on fear. That's performative peace. Okay? We want true peace for you and your child. So you've got to cut these cords that are still attached to your ex. Okay? I'm going to say this with a little love and a little holy fire. You need to hear it straight. And you know I'm a straight shooter. The narcissist conditioned you to accommodate, right? They trained you to make yourself small, to over explain, to be nice, to keep them calm, maybe even when it was costing you your sanity. And here's the truth, you might've left the relationship, but the programming, it's still running the show. You broke free physically, you're out of the home with them, but emotionally, you're still doing the dance. So let me ask you, why are you still accommodating them?

(07:00)
Why are you bending, explaining, overthinking every reply like you owe them something you don't. You owe you something. You owe your child something. You owe them the version of you that doesn't flinch at chaos anymore. You've done the hardest part, you got out. Now it's time to cut the final chords. So stop letting their energy dictate your piece. Stop modeling compliance as cooperation, okay? When you keep accommodating the narcissist, all of their little, even if you have the legal papers and they add this and that into it and make you go a little above or you feel a little bad, oh, it's their father, it's this. You're teaching your child the same survival pattern you are trying to unlearn.

(07:53)
Okay? So here's the mic drop moment here for you, okay? Do not condition your child to do what you did. You got out for a reason. Do not condition your child to do what you did. They deserve to see what calm power looks like. They deserve to see you walk in your authority, not your fear. You're a queen, right? Put on your authority crown. All right? I got to calm down after that one. Woo. It's getting hot in here. So what does that non accommodation actually look like? You're like, that's great, Christie, how do I do that? Well, I'm going to tell you, alright, so without giving the narcissist ammo to drag you back in court, right? And again, I'm not a lawyer, but there's things we can do and documenting everything is very important. So we'll get there. So non accommodation does not mean being rude or reactive, right?

(08:55)
I'm not saying yell at them, curse at them, call them names. It means being firm consistent. I'm going to say that for the people in the back. I know a lot of you lost consistency because of how you're conditioned. Consistent. That means if you set a boundary, you stick to it, you heard and detached, which I know that can be hard, but if you want the peace you say you're begging for and the peace for your child, then you need to listen. Okay? You stick to the agreements, you stop explaining. You let their discomfort be their problem. So let's do a few examples what that actually looks like. Let's say there's a video call. You have a court order. It says you have one regular call per week, right? You just have a call per week. It doesn't save it's audio, video it just as a call.

(09:48)
He's demanding video calls because the child owes him FaceTime. Here's your reply. Per our agreement, calls are scheduled once a week by phone. So if it's not listed as video, you're safe. If it is, you might have to accommodate that because it's through the legal system, but often they will add little things. That's my point here. They will add nuances to have control. That's it though. No emotion, no apology, no justification. There needs to be no explanation of well, blah, blah, blah, blah. Per our agreement, calls are scheduled once a week by phone. That's it. Then the guilt trip, extra time request. I know many who have had this, he suddenly demands extra time for a family birthday that isn't scheduled. If you want to let them do that, go ahead. But if you're dealing with a narc, you probably don't and you want to take your power back, then you respond. That's not part of our current schedule. We'll follow the plan. He threatens court. Okay, well, you're documenting everything now. You're on a third party app, you stay calm, you follow the order.

(11:04)
So what about when your child doesn't want to talk or go? And this is tough because legally they have to, right? They're required if they have the required visits or talks, and this is when your heart probably aches the most, but it's also your biggest teaching moment. When you get those pangs, I want you to start viewing them as, oh, I need to do the right thing. This is a big teaching moment for my child, okay? Validate your child first and foremost. It's okay. It's understandable that you feel uncomfortable. That is the first thing you say to them. It's understandable and that you feel uncomfortable. And then you teach them grounding, even for little ones. Deep breaths. When you feel like this and you take your breaths, I could do a whole other episode probably on this, how to teach children, grounding young children, hand on chest, deep breath, name what they're feeling.

(12:11)
I'm feeling it could be even my brain feels chaotic. Well, they might not say chaotic, but dizzy or I feel sad, or I have my chest feels tight, right? Don't force them to override their own body to appease a toxic adult. Don't say, oh, it's fine, it's fine, right? That's the old generation. I love ya mama. But that was what I got, right? Oh, it's fine. Everything's fine. It's not fine. It's okay. And understandable. They feel this way because they're dealing with a narcissist. You don't have to tell them they're a narcissist. We'll get to that. But you teach them, and that's something you may have lost along the way. And then condition to throw out the window to the benefit of the narcissist. And the narcissist will never model for them. They won't teach them that this is your job, okay? You teach them and being okay with having feelings. So here's the part.

(13:23)
Not everybody, not every therapist, not every coach will tell you about documenting and detaching. A lot of lawyers, I guess will, but not everyone thinks of all of it. So here's where we move from emotional to strategic, because when you're dealing with an arc, documentation, is your armor okay? It's very important. I know it's a pain in the butt. Too bad. Mama's getting real here. You don't just keep your boundaries, you have to keep the receipts with them. Every single interaction, right? That's why I'm saying third party app, family wizard or talking parents document any texts, they send any email, you don't respond to those. You only respond via the third party app. If you can. Hopefully that's in your decrees. If not, maybe you can add it to that. It is very important to use third party apps if possible. Okay? But either way, document all the texts, emails, quick questions, pick up issue, screenshot it then, right?

(14:22)
If you don't have it on the third party yet, date it, save it. Have a little folder on your phone, okay? And the third party apps, timestamp everything and make it impossible for them to twist your words. Here's one that may be difficult for you guys. Some of you do not text or call casually. This is where the danger truly happens. This is where they bait you and gaslight you. Okay? We do everything in writing so it can be seen, documented, no casual calls, no talking about anything but your child and your child's needs. Or it will be used against you if you're dealing with a narcissist, it will be used against you. It's a matter of time if it hasn't already, okay? Keep it short and factual per the agreement. Child X will call at 7:00 PM or pickup is at 4:00 PM as stated, or I'll refer to the court order.

(15:27)
No emotional language, no, I feel no, please, just clarity every word, every extra word. Actually we want to stick to the facts. Anything over that, any extra wording is an opening for them to manipulate. I want you to think about that. Get that in your head. Imagine all the facts there, right? Pick up at four. If you say pick up at four because X, y, z, and this happened and all of that, they take, they store, they use against you. Don't give them anything extra that's so important. You guys and your child is watching you model in a calm power. Even if they don't know the details exactly what's going on. When you work this way and function this way, you are calmer and they will feel that you're teaching them that boundaries don't have to mean conflict, they mean safety. Your child and you both need safety.

(16:31)
Alright? So then protecting your child's beautiful nervous system. Look, they have a parent that's a narcissist. They're going to have to learn this. And this is a part I think people don't want to talk about. We feel guilty. We say, oh, how did I put them in this situation? Okay, let's move off the guilt train guys. Let's get in the now we're here. It happened, you got out. Great job. Your child is the child of a narcissist. So your job is to help protect their nervous system. One of the best things you can do, and this is the piece, not all therapists, not everyone talks about right? When your child interacts with a narcissistic parent, their nervous system will go into fight, flight, freeze or fawn. And you can't control what happens at their house, at your ex's house. But you can teach regulation for your child, what they can do with how their body feels, paying attention to how their body feels. You're setting them up with tools that will be lifelong help, whether it's with their narc parent or someone else in their future. So show them how to take deep breaths when they feel scared. Name what feels off. Let them name it. Teach them you can love someone and still have limits. And then reassure them. They don't have to fix anyone's feelings. Not even a parent truth bomb, not even yours.

(18:18)
This is a good segue for what I also want to talk about because first of all, you're not best friends. I get it. We want to be close with our kids. That's great. It's not their job to take on our damn feelings and all the details of what your ex has done. That is toxic shit. And I'm not here for it. And you shouldn't either. You shouldn't be here for it. Talk to a friend, go have a martini and talk about it. But you do not talk trash about the other parent to your child or share adult details of what's happening.

(18:54)
They're not your friend. They're a child who needs guidance, not your gossip. I know it's hard. I get it. I do get it. I get it. We want to tell the whole world about the awful narcs. I get it. But saying your dad's a narcissist doesn't protect them, especially when they're young. It can confuse them and burden them. But instead, and I get it, you want to set them up, but that's to the next point. Instead, teach them to notice behaviors and trust their inner compass. So if dad does start guilt tripping or love bombing, right? But they'll tell you about it. This is where you say, how did that make you feel? What do you think you need right now? Help them become a little therapist. I love therapy and I want anything I've said about some therapists don't know. That's my experience, that not all therapists want to talk about certain things. And I think they work for establishments that have certain rules and so they have certain things they may or may not get into, but I'm free to get into whatever the hell I want. So here I am. But anyway, yes, you're creating little therapists asking the open-ended questions. How did that make you feel? What did you think you need right now? And you can teach them to ask themselves this in those moments. So when you're not there, this is very important. You can't always be there.

(20:32)
You're not going to be at the narcs house. You're not going to be with them when they're out with their friends, when they're 18 years old, when they're off to college. So teaching them to ask themselves these questions as well. Guide them toward emotional awareness, not judgment. How am I feeling? What do I need? Maybe I need to take a few breaths and then maybe I need to just walk outside for a few minutes. And maybe they want to have opportunities to do every single thing they want to do when they're in the narcs control because the narcs controlling, they might not let them walk outside, but maybe they can go sit and journal, keep it, have a locked journal.

(21:18)
They can take the deep breaths. That's how you help them build discernment without shame. We do not want to shame them for their feelings. It's discerning. So you're not teaching them to disrespect their parent or ignore their parent. It's discerning. And then being able to self-manage and cope with having a narcissistic parent. And that lesson will protect them for life. I do feel like I need to go more into this. I need an episode. Let me know in my Facebook group if you'd like that episode or you can email me. So let's wrap it up here. This is a long 21 minutes. Woo. We're doing it. So you were not called to raise a peacekeeper. Exactly, yes, we want peace, but not in a people pleasing way.

(22:19)
You want to raise a truth teller and a truth teller, it doesn't have to be a mean disrespectful calling out truth teller, but it's someone who knows their truth. The truth is self-aware and also can self-soothe, can help their own nervous system. And the way you model these things is by being one yourself. Yay. Look at all that work full circle. So when you stop accommodating toxicity and you're showing them that, so when they are older, they see that my 11-year-old daughter, she's a narc professional. I mean, she knows the work I do. So she knows it's narcissistic and she's older and understands more, not about specific people, but just how to deal with certain behaviors. That's the most important thing. She recognizing what manipulation is, she recognizes what gaslighting is. She recognizes when it's even just a toxic, not a two-way street. She dumped a friend because they would never compromise just with playing games at recess. It was always what they wanted, what they wanted. And she said, you know what? I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't compromise. She literally said that to them and that was the end. And now she has a very, very sweet, best friend that it's all give and take. Very thoughtful. So not exactly narc related, but showing you what you do. They see, they see and they hear and they feel everything. They were sponges, right?

(24:06)
So when you accommodate this toxicity, or stop, I guess I'll say, when you stop accommodating it, you're not starting a war, but you're ending the cycle. Your kids will thank you because not because you kept everyone happy, because you can't do that, not with a narc, but because you showed them what healthy actually feels like. You're not going to have complete peace all the time, but you can have peace inside of yourself and you can teach your child to learn to have peace inside of themself. And you don't make peace by bending over backwards when you've already got rules in place, right? Let's uncondition that. How do you do that? I don't know. Have you ever heard of Christie Jade? She does some coaching, she does some somatic healing.

(25:09)
I will choke in my spit. That's what I'll do. Excuse me. I got so excited about working with you now. I'll always put in my show notes the ways to work with me. I have such amazing clients and right now we are doing really powerful work. I've got some clients who are heavier on the coaching and a little somatic, and then I've got some who are heavier on the somatic, depending where you are in your journey. And the somatic is that's healing from the body. And that is the deeper internal work that is really that long lasting healing because it's your body remembers and you are retraining all of what we're talking about here, uncondition, what's been done. And it is mind blowing until you really do it. You don't totally get it. But please come sign up for a session with me. I have very limited spaces.

(26:04)
I will say that I actually still, I have to write back to someone who wrote, there was no spots in the next coming weeks. But, so I will open up a couple spots because I know it's holiday time and the narcs come out wild, so I know you all need it. So I'll open up a couple extra spots and I have monthly and a three month transformation coaching and somatic healing, which is, that is for the people who are here to just rise up out of where you are and completely your life. So I'll put all of that information there in the show notes. And I also have a, which is really relevant for this, if you just want to check out something simple, I have My Empowered Boundaries course. So you want to talk about boundaries that goes deep into how to have the energy around that, what to say and do, how to have the conversations.

(27:10)
It is really epic. So you can purchase My Empowered Boundaries course too. I'll put that in the show notes. Alright, and then like I said, join my free Facebook community. It's private full of women just like you. And come in there, say hi. Tell me if you want that all about Kids Grounding Podcast episode. And there's also a Boundaries Pocket Guide that's free, that'll be in the notes. And I will see you on Thursday. We will do a little Somatic Healing on Thursday's episodes. Don't forget to follow my podcast wherever you are listening and I'll see you on Thursday. Love you, bye.

A 5-Minute Reset for When You Start Blaming Yourself for Their Cheating

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 06:00:00 -0500

A 5-Minute Reset for When You Start Blaming Yourself for Their Cheating

If your brain keeps going back to “What did I do wrong?” after being cheated on by a narcissist — this mini reset is your lifeline.

Today’s Thrive in 5 will help you stop making THEIR betrayal mean something about YOUR worth… and gently bring your power and truth back into your own body again.

Your Next Step in Healing

✨ Ready to take your recovery deeper — with personalized support?

My 3-Month Platinum Coaching Package is where we walk together through the exact steps to rebuild your identity, restore your self-trust, and protect your peace with rock-solid boundaries — so you never tolerate this level of chaos again.

🔥 This is for the woman who is DONE repeating old patterns.

💻 Apply here → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

More Coaching Options

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Join my Private Facebook Community → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

EMAIL: fiercemamac@gmail.com

TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five. Your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you. If your brain keeps going back to what did I do wrong or what's wrong with me, this is your five minute reset today, especially after Tuesday's episode, all about why narcissists cheat, right? And not having any guilt. We're going to get rid of that. So the part of you that is still taking responsibility for their betrayal, can we say that again? There's part of you that is taking responsibility for their betrayal is the part we're going to release right now. Alright, so step one, we need to interrupt that mental chaos going on. So say this out loud or in your head, repeat after me. Their cheating was a reflection of their emptiness, not my worth.

(01:20)
Right? We are not allowing your brand to keep making their behavior means something about you anymore. We're done. Okay, step two, we're going to ground that nervous system. So let's take a minute here. If you're in a place, you can, if not save this episode or this part for later and place one hand on your chest and one on your belly and you're going to breathe in for four seconds in 1, 2, 3, 4. Hold for two seconds. One, two, and exhale. 4, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Yes. Get it all out. Okay. And as you continue your regular breaths, tell your body, I am safe from their chaos. Now I am safe from their chaos. Now the body needs to receive that message from you, not from them. We want it from them. We want to get validation and answers all the things. No ma'am. We're not going to seek it from them anymore. Alright, now step three, the identity statement. So you are not someone who got cheated on. That's not going to be your identity. You are someone who survived a professional manipulator and more. But we'll keep it just in the basics here, right? That's a very different identity, isn't it? So with that, you can have a mantra of I was never lacking. They were, we're not going to take ownership for their lacking. I was never lacking. They were.

(03:23)
All right. Step four, the forward focus. When your brain tries to replay the cheating or compare you to someone else, I want you to pause and say, I don't recycle pain to understand it. There's no more recycling that needs to go on here. There is no new meaning hiding in your old wounds. So we stop going backward to decode people who were not operating in real love the way we think of love and we think about connection is not the way a narcissist does. Okay? So trying to decode why or how, I mean I gave you some reasons why on Tuesday's episode, but playing it all back recycling, it is not how Queen's going to spend their life. No. We can learn it and heal from it. So the power is not an analyzing their betrayal. The power is in protecting your heart going forward.

(04:48)
And that's doing some healing. Yes, but it's also protecting it moving forward. And if that means boundaries, distance, silence, the gray rock method. I'll try to remember to put that episode. If you don't know what the gray rock method is, girl, you're in for a fun one. I have one or two episodes, I forget if it's one or two, I do have at least one episode on the Gray Rock Method, okay? But that's exactly where your peace lives. Next in the protection mode, in the it is time to take care of me mode. This is your queen era. Did you not get the memo queen? Better get used to be called queen. Okay? Hold your power. You've earned it, you have earned it, and you are deserving of peace and of power and you can will get it. You can just show up doing right now, just watching these podcasts or listening to these podcasts, if you want to do some really transformational mind blowing shit, you are there and you are like, I want to change my life and I'm ready.

(06:17)
I have an insane program. It's customized to you. It is three months that is literally priceless. And guess who you get to talk to once a week? Yours truly. Okay. I mean in that a bonus, no, I'm just kidding. So my Queens of Peace program, which guys, I have literally one spot left and this is individual work, but to maintain my schedule and I've had people that could not sign up. My schedule is so tight right now, people couldn't when I sent the link and if they didn't sign up right away when we did it, their spot did get filled. So they have to be pushed to next week. I don't like that. So I'm going to have to see what I can do to add a little space in. But so that's why I only have one spot right now.

(07:18)
If you are a queen, even if you don't feel like a queen right now, if you are queening, you are wanting to be queening. No. If you have been in a toxic relationship and you are coming out of it, out of it, I do require that you do not live with the narcissist. If this is your partner, your marriage partner, I do not work with people who are currently in that situation. You must be separated out of the house. Most my clients are divorced. If it's someone in your family that's a different situation and we can talk about that.

(07:59)
Your mother-in-law or someone you're dealing with, that's a whole different story. But most of my clients do seem to be co-parenting and the not just navigating a narcissist and how to deal with them, but healing what trauma you have gone through and the damage that has been done. We do coaching and we do somatic healing. And both of those things together, you will have insane transformation in three months. And that sounds like a lot. I'm going to tell you it goes by quick. But there are epic results. So if you're really ready and you're going to show up every week and you're going to sign up and make sure you get a spot, it's once a week. It's one hour. We do everything from coaching to somatic healing, which is healing from the body. If you don't know today, I had some amazing magical journeys. I call 'em soul locations because really we get to go on these beautiful kind of mind journeys like deep meditations, but they're so specific to you and every single time we do these clients have mind blowing results. I mean these journeys are epic. And that's why I love, I keep saying epic, I sound like such a nerd, but I, that's the only word I can use for myself, for my clients.

(09:35)
That's why I got certified. I did it myself and was like, this shit's epic. It was. You come out of it and you get clarity on your own. You have more self-trust, more self-confidence. It's just so beautiful. So if you are ready, if you are that woman that has been like, yeah, maybe I should do this or this is brand new, you just popped up in here, but you're ready to actually have lasting change to understand narcissists, be able to navigate them and have that inner calm, right? Like fuck the frazzle, can that be a t-shirt? I make? Fuck the frazzle. We don't need to be frazzled the rest of our lives. Okay? You deserve more here. A queen of peace. It's why it's called Queens of Peace program. Okay? So check the show notes on the ways to work with me one-on-one for this program that there will be a link.

(10:38)
It is the three month journey with me and you get Voxer in between. So once a day you can leave a message on my Voxer and I'll get back to you within 24 hours. It's Monday through Friday and I mean if there's an emergency you can try on the weekend and if I can, I'll get back to you. I do try to check even on the weekends so it's more support. So a lot of people earlier on in their journey do that. And then there's people that have maybe even been divorced for years, but there's just so much. They're going through a lot mentally, physically, and need a little extra support in between calls. So that's an extra fun thing in the three month journey as opposed to the monthly option. Both will be listed there. Check 'em out. You can read all about the three month one in that link. And then you can email me with any questions. My email's already always in the show notes too. And come join the free Facebook. It's a private Facebook page.

(11:51)
Yeah, so I know that was a lot of little babble at the end, but I'm telling you guys this work, it excites me every time I get off the phone with a client, I'm like, I'm so glad that I heard the calling from God that he needed me to do this podcast and what it's led to. It's amazing. And I want to share what I have learned, all the tools I have and take people on these awesome journeys to back to yourself. Is that what you're looking for? That's how to sum it up. I know we have these, there's peace, there's this, but it's getting back to you and yourself and at the core, your home inside yourself, which is the most comfortable, peaceful, joyful, amazing place to be. That's where God wants you to be. That's where you belong. So we need to get you back there.

(12:55)
So if you want to get back there and you will show up for yourself once a week. And I'm not crazy strict, obviously if you're sick or something, we have to skip a week, okay? We extend it. But I do want people who are committed to this, I am committed to you. This is my life's work. I'm real serious about it, okay? This is my purpose. My purpose is to help every single woman I can, the most I can. So you deserve to find that self. She's in there and she's beautiful and glittery and she's wearing an amazing gold crown. Let's go find her. If you're ready to find her, go click that link. Sign up. I do have one spot left and soon I will have zero. So get on it. If you are really wanting to make a transformation for yourself that lasts and get to hang out with me again. So fun. Alright, love you guys. See you the next, I keep saying see you. I don't see you. Maybe in my mind I feel like I don't know what to say. Seeing the next video, it's not a video. I used to do YouTube videos all the time, so I always say that. But thanks for listening. I'll see you in the next episode in my mind. Okay, love you, deuces.

Why Narcissists Cheat And the 3 Lies They Tell You (So You Keep Blaming Yourself)

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 06:00:00 -0500

Why Narcissists Cheat And the 3 Lies They Tell You (So You Keep Blaming Yourself)

Today, I’m breaking down the REAL reasons narcissists cheat, how they use infidelity as a weapon, and the 3 most common lies they tell you to keep you confused, self-blaming, and emotionally destabilized.

This episode will help you stop internalizing their betrayal — and start turning your power inward.

Your Next Step in Healing

✨ Ready to set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral?
My Empowered Boundaries Course will walk you step-by-step through how to protect your peace, voice, and energy (without losing your heart).

🎓 10 video modules + meditation bundle + lifetime access
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Book a 1:1 Coaching Session

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https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

PLATINUM PACKAGE: SAVE and BONUSES when you go on a DEEP transformational 3-month journey:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

FREE Ways to Connect!

Grab your Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join my Private Facebook Community → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

You think the pain was that other person, but the real pain was how it made you question your worth. And I want that to end today. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and drive ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you, so steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there and let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:12)
Alright, queen, deep breath in through the nose, out through the mouth. I love a good halo breath. Before we dive into something a little crazy, it's a hot topic. A lot of questions come in about cheating the lying, why they do it, all sorts of questions. So today we're just going to basically address why they cheat and the three lies they tell you, which there is always manipulation and calculation going into what they do. So we'll cover that as well. So I want to start by saying this clearly directly, very queen styley, right? With the most unshakeable conviction, if a narcissist cheated on you, it had absolutely nothing to do with you not being enough or you being who you are. Okay? Their cheating is not a mirror of your worth. It's actually a mirror of their emptiness. We know narcissists are a big black hole and this is a mirror of that evidence of that.

(02:29)
So today we're going to break this down in a way that makes you stop blaming or questioning yourself once and for all. We don't have time for that, right? We got queen lives to live. So first of all, let's start with the real reasons that narcissists cheat, right? People cheat that aren't narcissists. That's very true, but we're talking about narcissists today, so we're going to talk about their reasons so they don't cheat because they're unhappy in the relationship and that can be a thing that other people do, but narcissists actually cheat because they are so addicted to supply. You've probably heard me say this a million times, but this is very, very important in this topic. They are addicted to supply, so really envision what that's like, right? You're not like that so you don't get it. But try to imagine a person that is addicted to basically feeding their ego and it's again this big black hole, so it's never truly filled.

(03:37)
You can't fill it so nobody can news, spoiler alert. So cheating gives them that ego fuel, novelty power, and they love power and even a sense of superiority and those things are what they are chasing. They're not chasing what we chase or desire the connection into intimacy. That came out weird for some reason. Intimacy partnership, they're not seeking those things. They're essentially seeking supply. So another reason, and a lot of women don't talk about this enough, is they cheat to punish you. Say that again. They cheat to punish you, especially when you start getting stronger, and I guarantee if you look back at when you maybe thought maybe they were cheating or there was evidence of cheating, or they give you a timeline, sometimes they'll tell you they have cheated to show that power to hurt you. So they may tell you when it started, whatever it is, if you actually take a close look, you can tell you were maybe getting stronger or they're shifting in their life some way, but a lot of times it's really you are getting stronger.

(05:13)
So this can look like when you start questioning their behavior, they don't like that when you start setting boundaries. That is what I would say. Number one, you start setting any boundary with a narcissist. Absolutely. Then they feel out of control. They got to gain their control. Again, when you're setting a boundary, you're showing that you're not just there to feed their ego, you're looking out for you for once or you're really just hit rock bottom with it. So you're making your boundaries like, okay, I really freaking mean it this time. So when you stop bending over backwards for them, when you start calling things out, in my experience, that is another top contender start calling things out and saying, you know what? I'm not okay with this. I'm not going to put up with this. So that is an injury. It's called narcissistic injury actually.

(06:14)
But that is an injury to their ego. And so what do they do? They do many things right? They will come harder at you, they will have more anger. They will manipulate gaslight, do all those things, but another lovely thing they do is cheating on you. It can become their revenge, their retaliation, a slap in the face that says, oh, you think you can't be controlled if you're acting almost like you're indifferent being with them anymore. So burned out by them, and this happened with so many of my clients, that's why I'm doing this episode. I have had a couple clients recently that told me stories about they had reached a point where they were indifferent and just in there trying to figure out maybe a plan to get out. It's tough. Probably 98% of my clients are co-parenting with narcissists. So you have children with these people, so you're trying to figure out how you can do this and they think, oh, you can't be controlled. Let me show you how quickly I can replace you.

(07:29)
Not romantic, not emotional, not deep. It truly is, like I said, a punishment, a weapon. You could even think of it that way, right? It's a weapon so they can gain their control, feed their ego while you're trying to figure out why am I here? Should I leave any of that? This can happen, right? They don't cop feelings about cheating. Like typical people, and this can be very confusing. A normal person has empathy. A normal person might cheat and maybe have those feelings for someone else, and then they get the guilt. They might feel sick about it, a narcissist. They don't have feelings like we have feelings, so they don't even really have feelings for this other person. It's just who is the closest and easiest target to become my new source? And this is where it gets kind of dark as if it's not dark enough.

(08:34)
They can literally watch you crying, devastated, shattered, and feel nothing. We know they don't have empathy. They may mask. Masking is kind of like pretending wearing a mask. They can mask and say certain things or try to make a sad face and pretend, but depending on the situation, they may not even do that. But your pain, it is sick and it actually is validation to them. It proves their power. It actually proves to themselves like, oh see, good. They want that reaction. They want you crying. They want you destroyed because they punished you for that very reason. And it's devastating if you don't know this stuff. I know some of you know it to a degree, but sitting here and if it really hits you and you're like, I do believe this, it is hard to digest. So give yourself some grace. Give yourself some chocolate. First and foremost, you deserve a hunk, a chunk of chocolate right now. This is really tough stuff to digest, to think this person that you were or are in love with, shared life with, have kids with whatever to sit there and think they're this calculated, this dark, this unfeeling.

(10:11)
And it tore me up when I realized all that a narcissist was and oh my goodness, it's devastating. So give yourself space after this, if this is hitting you kind of for the first time at the depths of what it really means. This is not easy to digest, and I'm here too. You can always email me if you need someone to talk about. If you don't have somebody to talk about this stuff with, if you don't have emotional support, please reach out to me. Okay? My email is always in the show notes. It's tough. So we want you to know I'm also, I have a Facebook page. Go in there. There's other women just like you in there. So that link is also in the show notes. So they're proven their power. So what about the other woman? And I want to include this for any women listening who had them manipulated into being the other one because this could happen too.

(11:10)
Okay? I was once the other one, but I had no idea I was the other one. That's a whole fun layer too. So hear this, you were used too. So narcissists recruit women, like they're building this army of validation. They triangulate, they lie, they tell different stories to different people. So keep that in mind. Like I said, I was the other woman and had zero clue. So sometimes keep that in mind when you may see or run into that lovely lady someday they may not even know or the narcissist also. Well, I didn't actually date this guy. I was told there's an example of another guy. Yeah, I've had some winners in the past. Luckily I landed on a good one, but I actually got together, I'll use those words with this guy, and he told me that he had been separated a long time. The divorce was in the making.

(12:21)
Then I found out, I mean we had just gone out once and then I found out actually through a mutual friend that he was going to counseling with her. So when I addressed that to him and said, go f yourself, you dirty, dirty man. He told me, well, I mean we haven't been sleeping in the same bed. I give a fuck. I was like, and he's like, well, I mean I don't think that it's going to really work out, but she wants me to go, so I'm going to do it just to show that I'm giving it one last shot, which is a very narky thing. I don't know that this guy totally was a complete narcissist, but there were some traits there.

(13:12)
So there's lies, people to obviously I didn't fall for it and I said, get the fuck out of here. But definitely different stories to different people to keep each woman insecure, competing, confused, right? I heard a quote today that was so good about, let me think if I can think of it. Oh, it was about the confusion. Something like the narcissist keeps you confused to keep you something like that. That's how they keep you anyway. So whether you were the primary partner or side partner, nobody is being loved here, okay? Everyone's being used narcissists, don't know how to love the same way we know how to love. So that's the why. I hope that makes sense, right? Obviously there's different layers and it goes a little deeper, and if you want to know on a different level with your specific case, you can always sign up for one-on-one with me.

(14:12)
Those links are always in the show notes too. It's very customized work. So we do coaching and somatic healing. If you don't know what somatic healing is, that is healing from the body, that is life altering, insane in a good way, healing from within and we do epic work. You can go click a link to read more about it or always, as always, you can always email me with questions. But let's get through this. So the lies, there's three lies I put here. There's more, but three lies that keep you laming yourself that they tell, right? So let's talk about this mental poison. They feed you, right? I really want you to understand this is not you. This is not on you, okay? This behavior, even when I'm saying, oh, they're doing it for retaliation, that's not because you did something bad. That's because they're not getting fed, but you're not supposed to feed them.

(15:11)
Love is not feeding somebody like we feed narcissists, okay? That is not love. It's unhealthy, so they want to feed you this poison so you don't leave, right? So lie number one might sound unfamiliar if you were more blank, I wouldn't have cheated. I wouldn't need to cheat, I wouldn't have cheated. It could be more affectionate, more sexual, more supportive, more loving, more forgiving, more chill. Okay? Any of this is a manipulation tactic to make you take responsibility for their lack of integrity, right? There is no reason anyone should cheat, ever. I don't care what you do. There's reasons people can leave you and if something's not aligned and they want to leave, they know where the freaking door is, okay? There is no reason for abuse, name calling, gaslighting, any of that emotional or physical abuse or cheating. No reason, no good reason. Okay?

(16:24)
So the manipulation tactics, right? It's very manipulative and it keeps you in this self-improvement mode. They know how to keep saying no, if you did this, if you did this, so you're being brainwashed that you need the help and you need to improve yourself, you need to fix you instead of in self protection mode, which is where you're supposed to be putting a big old bubble and getting the F out of there. Okay? I'm trying not to say the F word. I think I said it once. I was trying not to say it this episode, okay, so lie number two, here's one, nothing happened. You're being dramatic. This is for the deniers, the denying manipulator, narcissist, gaslighting, right? Nothing happened. You're nuts, you're dramatic, you're just dreaming all this. Then they can even turn around, oh, are you cheating, right? They minimize, deny, erase the facts, and they're not trying to protect you my love bear.

(17:27)
No, no, but what are they going to protect? That big old supply line. That's so tasty, okay? They're protecting their supply, they need your supply so they know that they have to deny everything and then another lie, lie three, we were basically done. Okay? This one is so common, you guys. We were basically done. It's not really cheating translation. I'm going to rewrite history so I don't have to take accountability. We know they never do. They will reinvent the timeline, the story, the relationship, and they will really double down on we've been done. I mean you were checked out, blah, blah, blah, and they'll be dismissive about because it's not a big deal if they make it not a big deal. Yeah, I mean we've been done. Listen, we were done. Haven't been in this, I haven't been in this, right? Just so they can avoid saying the truth, which is I betray you, I took our marriage vows.

(18:47)
Or if you're just in a partnership without marriage, the unsaid promises and spit all over. So what's the truth? What is the truth here? The narcissist does not cheat because they found any better. I want you to just tattoo it on your forehead. They did not cheat because they found better. First of all, look at yourself. You are damn queen. No one can get better than your sexy ass, okay? They cheat. Why? Because they need so much attention, so much supply to function. So if they have beaten you down mentally, physically, spiritually, if they have beaten all that out of you to the point that you are checked out, they are not getting the supply they need. They did it to themselves. I don't want you to feel bad about it for a damn second and get this. They don't even prefer these people. Any of the people they've cheated with, there might be multiple.

(20:00)
They don't actually prefer any of them. It's not about the people. They prefer the feeling of power, that feeling inside. They need that. That's what they need. You're not competing with this other woman or women. You are merely competing with their ego. You are competing just with their ego and you will never, ever win that battle. Like I said, that is a deep dark hole. It's bottomless. You're never going to win. You don't want to win. You don't want to be any part of this. So if you are in the situation, here is your pass to run, please run full permission run. I know it's easier said than done. And if you need help with an exit plan, well there is the abuse hotline. I can put that in the show notes or email me and I can see if I can find resources in your area specifically. However I can help, I will. But guys, I know a lot of you are listening to this after you're already out of the situation and have been cheated on and still have questions or uncertainty. So I want to leave you all though with this. This is the reality. The cheating was not a reflection of your worth, okay? It's just not.

(21:37)
It's honestly a reflection of your nervous system being hijacked by someone who values attention more than integrity. You were never lacking. You got the patience, beat the shit out of you again. Even if it was emotionally you were a meal to someone who only knows how to consume. They don't know how to connect. We do guys, they don't. And now that you see the game or you just don't want to put up with it or whatever, you want to start to get your power back and now you're going to, because say, I finally see this and I don't want any part of it.

(22:28)
Once you get it, it's easier. Even though it's so hard to digest, once you've digested it, which may take a minute, you're going to feel amazing. You're going to say, okay, that's crazy, that's hurtful, but I'm so glad I see that and now I'm ready to get that power back and you don't have to prove you're better. That comes from fear-based, weak shit. Oh, let me look good and better and whatever. I'll be honest, I did that for a hot minute. Those are my younger years, and I actually ended things with the narc and I still wanted him to be like, oh, look what I lost out on which he was. Of course I got all these letters and I mean they're all bullshit, but back then I didn't know they were bullshit. I was like, oh, good, it worked. No, he probably just ended things with whoever, and they go through spells.

(23:26)
Well, they'll come back to try to get you if they stop dating someone, they need to be fed. But you don't want to have to prove that you're better. You don't want to be the chosen one or like, oh, I'm the one who can fix him. I thought that while we're in it, I was like, oh, I know he is this way, but I can help him and I know through me we can do this and he'll be a better guy. No bullshit. He never did. So look, I can save anyone that time. If you're in it, you're not going to be that person. Move on and don't get your power back by getting them to pick you or come back to you. You don't want that. That's not how you get your power back. They're not your power. They are not your power. You are your power. You don't need a dysfunctional person to validate your value. Think about that.

(24:17)
That's ass backwards. But you've been conditioned, so I'm not trying to yell at you. I've gone through it too, but sorry, I have a dry throat today. The moment you stop trying to win their approval, you cut off their entire source of control. Can you imagine what that feels like when you've been under the thumb? Even if you've been broken up, you still are tied to them in ways emotionally, you're still replaced up in your head or have questions or can't figure out, oh my gosh, right? It's a mess in that brain after they're done with us. But when you stop trying to win their approval, you release giving them that power and that's your power moment. That's your liberation, right? It's like, ah, I get my control back. I get my freedom now.

(25:13)
So good. So if you are ready to step back into your power, I have my Empowered Boundaries course, and that's just all around. So this can be for yes, that person you're with, but I'm going to guess if you've been like this with them, there might be other people in your family, parents, siblings, whatever that you might have boundaries issues with. And this course is, it is epic and it is crazy that it is the price it's at. I have lowered the price because I want more and more women to be able to afford this. It used to be $500, I think it's 200 now. I lowered it a lot. It would sell here and there, and I was like, this is the thing I want people to have easy access to if they can't work one-on-one because that's ongoing, right? If you want more really customized stuff and to do the somatic healing, sign up for the one-on-one if you have that budget.

(26:15)
But if you don't, this Empowered Boundaries course you have for life, you can go back to it. And it is for all walks of life to help you with so many situations. It's 10 video modules and there's a meditation bundle that comes with it to help in that energetic part. And this is going to help support you in rebuilding the strongest version of you. So you're going to step by step, go through how to create, how communicate, and how to hold the boundaries without the guilt and without the second guessing. And even talks about the conversations you have if they come back as far as the conversation, because a lot of narcissists don't end there. So that's a really good way to get some transformation quickly and have that for the rest of your little life. That is something you always have. Some coaches will say, oh, you have this for three months.

(27:18)
I want you to be able to go back to it if you need to refresh your memory, because like I said, this is not just for the narcissist. This can be for anybody in your life who is not good at respecting boundaries or just you feel like you need to create boundaries and hold to them. It's even good for your kids. So check that out in the show notes. Don't forget to follow this podcast so you don't miss any episodes. And Thursdays are my Thrive in fives, which are always related to Tuesday's show, but they're like a little mini episode of Somatic Healing. Maybe a little pep talk, maybe some breath work, meditation. All the fun. So make sure you're following me and I will see you in the next episode. Love you, bye.

The Boundary Reframe Every Empath Needs

Thu, 30 Oct 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Thrive in 5: The Boundary Reframe Every Empath Needs

Episode Summary:
If you’ve ever felt guilty for setting boundaries or worried that saying “no” makes you cold, this quick episode is your reminder that boundaries are not walls — they’re filters. In just five minutes, Christy shares a powerful reframe for empaths who give, love, and feel deeply… sometimes at their own expense. You’ll walk away with a grounding practice and a mindset shift to help you protect your peace without losing your warmth.

In This Episode:
• Why saying “no” isn’t rejection — it’s redirection
• How to stop confusing peacekeeping with people-pleasing
• A 3-breath somatic practice to anchor self-respect in your body
• The truth about what healthy boundaries really mean for empaths

💖 Your Next Step in Healing

Book a 1:1 Coaching Session →

GOLD PACKAGE: Coaching and Somatic Healing Session
👉 shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint

SILVER PACKAGE: SAVE when you purchase a month of sessions
👉 shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly

PLATINUM PACKAGE: TRANSFORM and get BONUSES when you go on a deep 3-month journey
👉 shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly

💌 More Ways to Connect

Grab your FREE Boundaries Pocket Guide → christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join the Free Facebook Community → facebook.com/groups/christyjade

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello, beautiful souls. Today's Thrive in five is for my tender hearted empaths who have been told they're too nice, too sensitive, or that setting a boundary means you're being called or a biatch, right? Let's reframe that in five minutes flat because it's thriving. Five baby. Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen. This one's for you. All right, so here's the truth. Boundaries aren't walls. They are filters. Can we start picturing that queen screen? Ooh, did you like that? I didn't even plan that y'all. That's some true organic criming. Okay, so boundaries don't block love. That's not the point of them. They do. They block drain, right? They don't want to encourage what happens when you are around people who drain you. So if you've ever said yes to keeping the peace only to feel resentful or exhausted later, that's your little baby spirit whispering to you.

(01:26)
This isn't peace, this is people pleasing, dressed up as kindness. So when you're an empath, which I am, and we don't want to lose that empathy, we don't want to go the other end, but when you are an empath, your instinct is to nurture, to fix. But the twist is real. True. Nurturing needs to include you too. Yes. Right? You cannot pour. This is one of my favorite quotes, by the way, is you cannot pour from an empty cup, right? So you can't pour love from an empty cup and call it compassion. It's just not going to work. It's not going to work for anybody. So here is your reframe for the week. Every time you say no, imagine it instead as a yes to your peace, your purpose, your healing, whatever it's saying yes to for you. So boundaries are not rejection, they are redirection.

(02:34)
That sounds like something I could say to a class of fifth graders. Boundaries aren't rejection, they're redirection. Everybody now, but your time, your energy and your heart, it's redirecting that toward what truly matters while protecting yourself and your peace. Okay? So what's a little somatic anchor? We can, you can ground the truth in your body through this little exercise. Yay. It's exercise time. All right. Take one hand to your heart and one to your belly. Now, breathe in through that nose. My favorite halo breath, inhale. As you inhale, my peace matters. Exhale and think it's safe to protect my energy in my peace matters out. It's safe to protect my energy, especially before saying yes to something that doesn't feel aligned. Check in with yourself first and remind yourself with this little tiny exercise one more time, and you can write this down on a little sticky note.

(03:48)
Put it on your mirror, put on your car. Inhale, my peace matters. Exhale it safe to protect my energy. Okay? You're not being cold, you are being clear. That's okay. You're not being a jerk because you're being firm even, okay? Even if you have to get firm, you're not being a jerk. You're being clear. You're being truthful, you're being honest. That doesn't equal cold, that doesn't equal mean. And if you didn't watch or listen to Tuesday's episode, go check that out. We dive deeply into this stuff and you're getting clear, right? The clearer, the more you practice this, basically, the clearer you're going to get on what you want, what you desire, what you need, and that's not selfish. That's about damn time. Okay? Can we quote that? So if this hit home, go back and listen to Tuesday's full episode. If you didn't, it's called Why Empath Struggle with Boundaries and How to fix it Without Becoming Colder Mean, right?

(05:00)
For that deeper healing. And of course, I will tell you my schedule is getting very, very, very smaller. Smaller. It's a great thing. It's wonderful that I'm getting to reach more people, but if you want to do the deeper transformation, you need to jump in because my schedule's very, very tight. So you go ahead, find the links in my show notes. I have two offers right now. I have the monthly offer, and that does have two payment options, and then there's the three month I am. This is like you are ready to dive in and see a whole new world. Three months of this face right here, this voice, right? Three months of transformation. We're talking coaching, and we're talking somatic healing. And in between, you get the bonus of Voxer all access to Christie all the time. No, not all the time. I have boundaries too, but once a day, you can leave me a message and I'll get back to you within the 24 hours.

(06:08)
Usually it is that day. If just something comes up, you need to vent, you need advice, whatever it is that is in between our weekly calls, the monthly is weekly calls, and you do have to stay up on your weekly calls. This isn't like, Hey, we're going to have one session here, and then three months later we're going to have a session. If you want to work with me. I am very serious about layering on, it's like stacking right? You do it week after week. If you miss a week here and there, that's fine, right? I'm not like crazy rigid, but we do want to keep consistent because that is where the deep work happens. And I want transformation, and you want transformation. So if you're going to invest in yourself, show the fog up for yourself, okay? All right. So I love you guys, and I will see you in the next episode.

Why Empaths Struggle With Boundaries (And How to Fix It Without Becoming ‘Cold’ or ‘Mean’)

Tue, 28 Oct 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Why Empaths Struggle With Boundaries (And How to Fix It Without Becoming ‘Cold’ or ‘Mean’)

If you’ve ever tried to set a boundary and instantly felt guilty — this episode is your wake-up call.
Christy breaks down why empaths struggle to say no, how childhood conditioning wires you to overgive, and the exact mindset shifts that help you protect your peace without losing your warmth.

You’ll learn why your nervous system panics when you speak up, how to rewire that fear, and how to find that sweet spot between kindness and self-abandonment.

Because boundaries don’t make you cold — they make your love sustainable. 💖

✨ In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

Why empaths confuse love with self-sacrifice
The “nice girl” myth that keeps women stuck in burnout
How to tell if you’re saying yes out of love or fear
The nervous-system reason boundaries feel “wrong”
How to set limits without guilt, shame, or freezing up

👑 Your Next Step in Healing

🎓 10 video modules + meditation bundle + lifetime access
💻 Enroll here → shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries

Book a 1:1 Coaching Session →

GOLD PACKAGE Coaching and Somatic Healing Session :shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint
SILVER PACKAGE: SAVE when you purchase a month of sessions: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
PLATINUM PACKAGE: SAVE and BONUSES when you go on a DEEP transformational 3 month journey! https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

💌 More Ways to Connect

Grab your FREE Boundaries Pocket Guide → Christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
Join the Free Facebook Community → facebook.com/groups/christyjade

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello Queens. Have you ever tried to set a boundary and immediately felt like you were the villain? Let's talk about why that happens and how to protect your peace without losing that beautiful, gorgeous heart of yours. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun.

(00:58)
So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. All right, so you've probably been called maybe too sensitive, too nice or too much at some point. I've been called all of those at one point or another in my life. And as an empath, you've learned to read the room, anticipate people's needs, and we love to fix. So maybe fix all the vibes even when it costs you your own piece, right? So here's the truth though. You don't necessarily have a boundaries problem that might be more of a symptom of a different problem, which not everyone talks about, but I'm here to talk about the things we don't talk about. You have a fear of being misunderstood, problem.

(02:04)
You have a fear of being misunderstood. So deep down, you may not actually be afraid of saying no. You more are afraid of being seen and perceived as someone who does not care or who is not empathetic because you in fact, do care and you don't want to be seen as something you are not. So you're afraid, not of the boundary itself, but what the reaction to the boundary will be. So this episode is your permission slip to finally say, I can be kind and still protect my peace. So let's get into it. Why empaths struggle? So first of all, you were conditioned to prioritize connection over comfort. And that could be from your childhood. You could have earlier family dynamics where you were rewarded for self-sacrifice. So like, oh, you're such a good girl when you help, right? And yes, we want to instill that in our kids, but it could go to an unhealthy level where it's always based around you pushing outside of yourself to do something for others.

(03:30)
Or you could also have been punished for any self-assertion or calling things out that didn't seem right. Even if you did it in a nice kind way, or when you saw something wasn't fair and you vocalized it, you could have been punished for that, right? So your nervous system equates someone else's comfort with safety due to that. So setting boundaries can feel dangerous in your body associated with if you do set a boundary, if you do call the thing out or want to have a conversation about something and it didn't go well as a child, or maybe it won your first relationships, romantic or friendship, anything, wherever this came from, it feels like danger. When you go to that place of, oh, maybe I will address this. It's like, oh, no, nevermind. Right? That started somewhere. So your nervous system doesn't know you're setting a boundary.

(04:33)
It really thinks you're about to lose love, because that at some point is probably what it felt like. And again, that could be any part of life, any person where that did start somewhere. And then we've got the nice girl myth. So society glamorizes being endlessly accommodating, especially for women. Can I get a what? Thank you. So you were taught that nice means agreeable, not authentic. When you think of authentic or unapologetic, it has this kind of negative connotation in our society, except in the women empowerment circles like here, but in general, nice is agreeable, and that does not necessarily go hand in hand. And narcissists love this because they sense who will bend for them before they even ask, right before they even really have to figure it out. So you've been praised for being easygoing or accommodating when you are actually probably just emotionally exhausted.

(05:54)
Okay? So what is the fix here without becoming the cold one that you don't want to have. By the way, since I've built boundaries, I definitely have been called cold, but I also, I got to a point where I first did boundaries in kind of a softer, more loving way, which you can. And then the more I got confidence and trust in myself and realized how jacked up so many people had treated me and what I accepted and realized like, wait, that's not cool. And turned around. I did get a little more hard and people called me cold. But also, some might call you cold, even if you are coming at a boundary with love because they're not used to it and they don't want it to happen. So especially a narcissist will make it a negative thing that you're standing up or even trying to have a conversation about anything because it's not going their way when you're actually standing up for yourself or even just wanting a normal, rational discussion. So they're going to flip it, gaslight you, call you cold, all that stuff. You're not cold, you warm and hot baby. No, but you are just standing up for yourself. So what is the fix without becoming this cold person? We don't want to be so boundaries. Remember this, and I've said it before, I'll say it again. They're not walls, okay? They're doors with locks. And you get to choose who comes in and when. Okay? So remember that.

(07:41)
Two, you don't need to swing from one extreme to the other, from super people pleaser to ice queen. There is a middle ground. And as long as your intention is good and about protecting you, it's not trying to control someone else. That's a big difference. You're not trying to control anybody or be mean to anybody. You're trying to control what's happening to you, and you are wanting to have peace in your life, and that is not cold. That is not mean. You're not mean for wanting peace and to protect yourself, okay? I want you to maybe write that down. I am not mean or cold for wanting peace and protection, okay? There's a middle ground there. So you don't have to be a huge, I mean, I've done it a couple times and I'm not even mad at that. It was certain situations I feel like it was, I was pushed, and I'm not saying I did anything crazy, but I might've had an attitude.

(08:47)
Maybe there was a little curse word. I know. All right, so here's some shifts you can do. There's three we can start with. There's a bunch of different things in the somatic healing. I do totally helps with all of this stuff. So if you want to sign up for sessions with me, always look in the show notes and you can find out how to sign up for sessions. So the three shifts, number one, pause before you answer, and you have to regulate in some way. And I've talked about some of these ways already many times in my podcast, especially the Thrive in Fives on Thursdays, those shorter episodes, and there's a lot of regulation, somatic healing, all of that good stuff, little bits, fast things you can do to regulate before you respond. Two, check your motive. Are you saying yes to something out of love or fear? I'm going to guarantee 98% of the time it's probably out of fear, especially if you're dealing with a narky.

(09:53)
So if it's out of fear, heck no, queen, you're a queen. You don't do stuff out of fear. No way you can say no. You can say it with love. You can protect yourself without being cold or an a-hole. You can say, I'm trying to think of a quick example here. And by the way, I have scripts that I will put in the show notes too that are awesome for dealing with narcissists. I'm trying to think off the top of my head. Someone comes at you, and let's say you're, I know that's a lot, and someone says, we're switching your ex, or whatever, we're switching weekends and you're really shitty if you won't do it because this is going to hurt me and the kids. And then if you won't switch the weekend because Baba, X, Y, Z, all the reasons, and you say, I'm sorry you feel that, that's going to hurt you, but I'm not able to switch this weekend and they're going to come back.

(10:59)
They always do. Well, fuck you, and you know what else? And guilt you and whatever. And you're going to say, okay, again, I'm not able to do that this weekend. Have a nice day. You don't even have to be that nice, but if you want to, I know a lot of you want to save your face out there, so you want to stay sparkly, okay? And three, use gentle honesty, right? That's exactly what I'm saying. So I got a little ahead of myself, but if this is someone you do love, if this is, let's say a mother, you have to be a little more gentle if you want to maintain a relationship, a distant relationship maybe, or a very boundaried relationship. I love you, but I need to say no to this right now. Okay, I love you, but I need to say no, or I love you.

(11:48)
But other example, I can't do X, Y, Z. And you don't have to take the and give a million reasons either. And my husband actually taught me that. I remember one day this was in our old house, and I was sitting there late at night all in my head about, oh gosh, I have to say no to this RSVP. It wasn't like a big boundary, but it proves a point. And he's the nicest, sweetest guy out there. But I'm sitting there and I'm like, well, there's all these reasons. I said, they're going to think I'm making this up at this point. There's three different reasons that I can't go.

(12:25)
And he said, why do you have to give reasons? And I was like, I don't know. And he was like, can't you just say that you can't make it? And I was like, oh, well, I guess I could say that. But it felt so weird and foreign to me. I was so used to because of narcissists in my life, having to explain myself all the time, you don't have to. Don't take the bait. Say, you know what? I am unable to go have a great time. That's for an RSVP, RSVP. Did I say that right? But the gentle honesty, I'm going to have to say no to this, or I can't switch weekends, whatever it is. So true. Kindness doesn't drain you, right? So it's not kindness, it's condition. We've been conditioned for certain things, so we're unconditioning ourselves and we're going to be true to ourselves while still being fair.

(13:33)
Nice. You can still be nice if it's someone you want to keep a relationship with, it can still be loving. I love you, but I'm going to have to say no to this. That's it. And the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Like anything, right? It's kind of like a muscle. You're not used to it and it feels bad to you because of how you've been conditioned. But believe me, it gets much easier. I've definitely walked the boundary line where I started kind of terrified of setting boundaries, especially with specific people. And now I am a boundary queen, and you can be one too. Yay. So if this episode hit home, there's also My Empowered Boundaries course. This is an epic, epic course. It's 10 prerecorded videos that you want. If you have trouble setting boundaries this, and you can go click on it and read about the details of it, it's a lot for me to spit out right now that I'm telling you, it is a life changer game changer.

(14:39)
If you can't commit or have the time, the investment to work one-on-one with me, and you're looking for boundary help, this is an amazing, amazing course. And yes, I'm biased, but I'm also awesome. I'm just kidding. And if you want to do one-on-one, that's where, yes, we do boundaries, but we do so much more. The one-on-one work, the somatic healing, the healing from the body, truly like deep ingrained healing, lasting healing, it's something that you just can't quite understand until you do it. So if you want to sign up for sessions, again, everything is always in the show notes. And also make sure you're following me on the podcast so you don't miss my episodes. Thursdays, I have Thrive in Five. They're shorter like mini episodes, and they're always related to the previous Tuesday episode. So yeah, they kind of go hand in hand every week and they're fun. Yay. So make sure you're following so you don't miss any episodes. So what is it? What are we talking about here? Boundaries. They're not cold. They're how you actually keep your warmth from being wasted on the wrong people. So set those boundaries with the people that need them. And what's, oh, I love that quote. Can I think of it? One of my favorite quotes? Oh, man. It's like the only, or the people shoot something about the people who have a problem with your boundaries are the ones that need them the most or something. I don't think that's it, but you get the gist. Okay? So protect your peace queen. The world needs your heart, right? I will catch you in the next episode. Smooches.

5-Minute Reset for When You Feel Pulled Back Into the Trauma Bond

Thu, 23 Oct 2025 06:00:00 -0400

5-Minute Reset for When You Feel Pulled Back Into the Trauma Bond

If you’ve ever felt that magnetic pull to check their page… or that instant surge of anxiety when their name pops up — this quick episode is for you.

In this Thrive in 5, Christy Jade guides you through a powerful five-minute reset to help calm your nervous system, stop the obsessive thoughts, and get your peace back — fast.

Because you don’t need to text, check, or fix. You just need to breathe, reset, and remember your crown. 👑

Your Next Step in Healing

✨ Ready to rebuild your peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse?
Explore Christy’s most transformative programs below:

💌 Resources for Your Healing Journey

Speaker 1 (00:00):

The Trauma Bond Hangover: Why Healing Feels Harder Than Leaving and How to Heal from It

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 06:00:00 -0400

You finally broke free — but why does it still feel so hard to breathe?
In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down what no one tells you about life after the trauma bond.

If you’ve ever caught yourself craving the chaos, feeling pulled to respond to that text, or getting triggered by their name — even though you know they’re toxic — this one’s for you.

👑 Your Next Step in Healing

✨ Ready to rebuild your peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse?
Explore Christy’s most transformative programs below:

💌 Resources for Your Healing Journey

💬 Episode Highlights

Why guilt spikes when a toxic parent gets older or sick
The truth about “honoring your parents” — and what that really looks like in abuse recovery
How to stop confusing compassion with obligation
Nervous system tools to stay grounded when guilt-tripping starts
Christy’s personal reflection on balancing empathy with self-care

🩷 Let’s Connect

Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/

Email me!

TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

The Guilt Shift A 5-Minute Reset When You Feel Like a Bad Daughter for Setting Boundaries

Thu, 16 Oct 2025 06:00:00 -0400

🎙️ The Guilt Shift: A 5-Minute Reset When You Feel Like a “Bad Daughter” for Setting Boundaries

Feeling that heavy guilt after setting a boundary with your parent? In The Guilt Shift: A 5-Minute Reset When You Feel Like a “Bad Daughter” for Setting Boundaries, Christy Jade guides you through a soothing, soul-grounded reset to help you release guilt and come back to peace. Because protecting your energy isn’t disrespect — it’s divine self-care.

👑 Your Next Step in Healing

✨ Ready to rebuild your peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse?
Explore Christy’s most transformative programs below:

💌 Resources for Your Healing Journey

💬 Episode Highlights

Why guilt spikes when you set boundaries with aging or ill parents
The truth about “honoring your parents” — and how it changes after narcissistic abuse
A 5-minute mind-body reset to calm guilt in real time
How to reframe “I’m a bad daughter” into “I’m a peaceful protector”
Christy’s quick affirmation to release guilt and reclaim peace

🩷 Let’s Connect

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/
Email → 00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. All right. On Tuesday we talked about if you have toxic, narcissistic parents, basically how to deal with that, how to get rid of the guilt a little bit. And today we're going to dive into a five minute reset when you do feel like a bad daughter for setting boundaries, okay? First of all, you're not a bad daughter. I said it in the last episode. You are a healing daughter, right? You're healing, you're breaking the cycle, so you are on the right path. I give you permission to say, I am a good daughter and I am a cycle breaker. Okay? So today I'm going to guide you through a quick mind, body reset to dissolve guilt in real time because we're not perfect.

(01:03)
This stuff can take time. You start setting boundaries. It's not going to be perfect all the time. Look, I've been setting boundaries for a while now. In the beginning it was a little harder than it is now for sure. So this is a way, if that guilt creeps up to kind of walk away from a draining interaction with peace instead of that panic, visceral, right? Okay, so first you want to acknowledge the guilt, okay? When a feeling comes up, you always want to let it be there. We don't want to push feelings away. So you're going to let that guilt bubble up and you can say out loud, this guilt isn't truth. This is training. It's training and name where you feel it in your body. Do you feel it in your throat? Often that can be it. You're not being able to voice what you want.

(01:59)
So the throat chakra can be a little clogged up the chest. That can be when you have a lot of sadness, aching for more with this relationship, you wish things weren't as they were. Is it in the stomach? Right? We get a lot of stomach disturbances with nerves and anxiety. So name where you feel it in your body, and then we're going to do a little somatic reset. You're going to place one of your hands on that spot. So for me, I would say it's usually in my throat. If I do have that creep up, I'm going to hold my throat. You hold whatever spot and you're going to take three deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth, ending with a sigh. Okay? So in out the mouth, I know it's a little weird, but we get weird in here, in through the nose, out through the mouth.

(03:08)
One more in through the nose, hold it and release. It can get even louder. You start getting comfortable with it. Watch out. You're going to get real crazy. All right, we're going to do one more. Now this time I want you to inhale through the nose, inhaling peace, and we're going to exhale releasing the guilt. So inhale, peace and exhale. Imagine just blowing that guilt out to the universe, letting it disintegrate. Queens don't have guilt, okay, gross. It tastes disgusting, doesn't it? Guilt is awful. Okay, then we can reframe the thought. We're going to replace. I'm a bad daughter with the truth. What's the truth here? Well, I'll tell you, you came to the right spot. It is, I'm a peaceful protector, okay? You're not a bad daughter. You want peace. You don't want the chaos. You don't want the negativity. Am I right? You are ready for peace.

(04:17)
You are over this shit. You're done with it. You want peace and you're a protector of yourself and this relationship, right? It's not just selfish. I mean it's not even selfish, but it's not just about yourself. Yes, you should protect yourself. God wants us to protect ourselves, right? You're protecting you, but you're also trying to protect and preserve a relationship because this is someone in your life that you love. Even if you don't, maybe like or they don't treat you well. There's something there. You are obviously trying to hold on to a little bit. You're saying, can I have that little string that connects us still? So if you're going to keep that string there, you're going to have to do some reframing. You're going to have to get rid of the idea. You're a bad daughter. That's going to make everything worse. If you have that story, you're a peaceful protector and let that just settle in your body. I am a peaceful protector. There's nothing wrong with that. Now you can take a micro action, you could text yourself a note. Peace is my proof of love.

(05:44)
Peace is love, right? You are the peaceful one here. You're the one who's wanting love, who's wanting peace. They don't know how to give that to you. They're not really capable of giving it to. So looking to them for love or peace or rationality or uplifting or consistency. Anything that a healthy individual would be giving you if they loved you, they're not capable of that sort of love. So accepting that is something we have to do, and that's tough. Accepting that is, it's heartbreaking. I get it. I have had to do it. But you are peace. You want peace. You want love, okay? So you should have no guilt. You're wanting something that nobody should feel bad about wanting. You want peace, you want love, you want this relationship. So use this as your anchor during or after the contact with the parent or parents that are toxic or narcissistic, whatever they are.

(07:06)
And then we can close with an affirmation. And again, you can note yourself. Just put on a sticky on your mirror, whatever. I can care, but I don't have to carry. I can care. You're an empath most likely, or a people pleaser. You're probably going to care. I mean, we're going to work on it so you don't care as much. But more importantly, caring and caring are different. I can care, but I don't have to carry and I can love, but I don't have to lose myself for that love. That's not love. When we're in a loving relationship that is healthy, we're actually the best version of ourselves, and that's with the help of the other person who is reciprocating our love and knows how to treat another human. These people just don't get that. They don't have the ability, they do not have the ability to love or to be at peace, but we do, right?

(08:26)
I mean, get a little excited about that. God, at least we're not them. I say that almost every day. I swear. I'm like, I do this work all the time, and I just think, man, imagine being in, I know they're awful and they treat people awful, but imagine being in their mind and all of the chaos and disaster they live and I feel bad. I care, but I sure as hell don't carry not my problem. And we've all tried to help fix them or give them advice or show them a better way so we don't have to feel guilty like, oh, I wish I could save them. I'm sure we've all tried. You can't. Okay? Save yourself. Be peace. Be love yourself. Okay? Let's take a nice inhale through the nose and out a soft breath, just letting your body have a nice body, calm body, calm down. It's Jamaican, the body, calm down, I think it's called.

(09:34)
So if you haven't listened to the full episode from Tuesday, that's when narcissistic parents get older. How to set boundaries without feeling like a bad daughter. It's a mouthful, but it's a lot, right? So go check that out if you have not if, and then go get your Boundaries. Pocket guide, that's free. If you don't have that, grab that. That's a great tool. And the Boundaries Empowered Boundaries Course is the full name of my course. That shit is epic. Go purchase it yesterday. If you are having issues with this situation, that's going to be helpful. If you want to be transformed and go knees deep into healing both body through the body with somatic healing and the mindset work, and knowing how to deal with these situations on a customized level for you, then we do one one-on-one work and some you do both. If you sign up for my three month course, you can get our three month one-on-one.

(10:40)
You get My Boundaries course free. Yeah, look at that shit. I got perks for you baby. Alright? So I will list all of this. If you're like, wait, there's all the ways to work with me in the show notes every episode, okay? So I want you to know that you're not alone. There is help. I would love to help you. That's why I'm here. If you have no budget at all, go get the boundaries. Pocket guide, do some meditations and save up maybe for the course. And if you have the budget, which if you're on the fence of spending money on this, think about what you're losing. By not, I mean, I don't want to be like a commercial. What is it? Priceless. But this is priceless work in a way. Of course, if you physically don't have the money, no, you can't go into debt.

(11:34)
But if you have money, but you just maybe want to spend it on shoes or coffee or whatever, cool. But is that giving you peace? Because we want to get you feeling peaceful, knowing how to deal with these people and not just for these people for life. You get lifelong tools that you can use the rest of your life. So dealing with the situation now, but in the future, attracting the right people into your life, it's like a domino thing. When you deal with narcissists, you probably know what I'm talking about. So go check out how to work with me. If you want a deep transformation, if you want to start with the course, go dig into that. It is epic. And don't forget to check out last week, last episode if you didn't, because it goes into this on a much deeper level. Alright, love you guys. See you in the next episode.

When Narcissistic Parents Get Older : How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Like a Bad Daughter

Tue, 14 Oct 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Do you feel guilty setting boundaries with your aging or ill narcissistic parent? In this empowering episode, Christy Jade helps you break free from guilt and obligation so you can protect your peace without feeling like the “bad daughter.” Learn what’s truly loving (and what’s just self-sacrifice in disguise), how to balance compassion with self-respect, and why your worth isn’t measured by how much pain you tolerate.

👑 Your Next Step in Healing

✨ Ready to rebuild your peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse?
Explore Christy’s most transformative programs below:

💌 Resources for Your Healing Journey

💬 Episode Highlights

Why guilt spikes when a toxic parent gets older or sick
The truth about “honoring your parents” — and what that really looks like in abuse recovery
How to stop confusing compassion with obligation
Nervous system tools to stay grounded when guilt-tripping starts
Christy’s personal reflection on balancing empathy with self-care

🩷 Let’s Connect

Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/

Email me!

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/

TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Ever feel like you owe your narcissistic parent kindness or access? Just because they're getting older, somehow their age cancels out all the damage they've done or are continuing to do. Today, we're going to break that guilt spell because your peace doesn't have an expiration date. Okay, queen, stay close. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun.

(01:04)
So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Hello, beautiful souls. It's Christy Jade. Today's topic is one I hear over and over again. My mom or dad is older. Now, maybe I should just tolerate it, but here's the truth. Time does not erase toxicity. Getting older doesn't mean they've earned access to your peace. Taking your peace and loving someone from a safe distance is still love. So if you're feeling torn between compassion and that self-preservation, grab your tea. Get your journal because by the end of this episode, you're going to know how to set some boundaries without feeling like the bad daughter. So first of all, society romanticizes, forgive and forget, especially with aging parents.

(02:17)
And look, I'm all about respecting your parents, right? Honoring your mother and father. You can still do this while having boundaries, but the guilt is often the weapon narcissistic parents use to keep control, right? They know they can dangle this. I'm your parent, I'm getting older. The guilt trip of, oh, we only have this much time. And there's truth to that. And if they can treat you well, they can have more access to you. Phrases like You'll miss me when I'm gone, or after all I've done for you. Are emotional manipulation wrapped in sentimentality, right? So remember this. Look, no one's perfect, right? If you just have a parent that they're aging and maybe they're a little crankier as they get older, that's one thing. But I'm sure you're here because you have tolerated abuse, narcissistic abuse, toxicity, something that's really not healthy for you, and you are not responsible for someone else's peace at the expense of your own, no matter who that person is.

(03:31)
And there's a difference between taking care of your parents or treating your parents well as they age. There's a difference between that and letting your aging parents who are toxic treat you like, is that a thing? I'm going to start saying that treating you boogas just because they're entitled to, right? So their age doesn't rewrite your story. It makes your boundaries more sacred. Though also, if you don't set these boundaries and you let them treat you bad, be toxic to you, whatever it is, you're also setting up their end of life to be worse for you and you have more resentment. Whereas if you can take this advice and can find a way to set boundaries and maybe put a little distance in there without guilt, you could actually save your relationship in a way. I know with true narcissists, it can be very hard, and maybe you do want to totally cut them off if there's no way to do kind of gray rock method or have strong boundaries.

(04:52)
But let's dive into just what we can do here for the people that are looking to have somewhat of a relationship without damaging your own peace. So I'm a God person, so I also want to put a little faith in this. If you're not, you can ignore this little part, but I like to bring it back to faith. God did not design you to be drained and treated with toxicity. That's just not a thing that's in the Bible. When you feel that tug of guilt, pause and ask God, am I acting from love or fear? Fear says, if I say no, I'm a bad daughter. Love says I can honor them by not dishonoring myself, right? Love says I can do what I need to do and the way I can do it, if it's a way I can do it without it being a detriment to my peace, my safety, my mental health. So God's version of honoring your parents includes honoring the daughter he created because Sky Daddy, that's what I call him. Do you know that everyone should call him Sky Daddy? It's the best. He's our daddy, right? He created us. He's the granddaddy. And think about how he would treat you. He would not treat you with toxicity. He created you and he wants you to honor yourself and honor others. But he also never said, let's deal with a bunch of abuse. That's not what he has said. Okay?

(06:37)
So practical boundaries that can stick with parents that are toxic and narcissistic, whatever. So first of all, you can keep your visits short or even virtual. You could try in-person visits, doing it shorter and seeing how that works out. And if it doesn't, virtual is another way to do it. It might sound like, oh, that's kind of crazy, but no one else is crazy. Tolerating abuse in person, driving an hour to get shit on by somebody that's supposed to love you and uplift you. Okay? So we're dealing with a crazy situation as it is. So we do what we got to do. Another thing, do not explain every boundary. Okay? Clarity is kinder than overexplaining for all parties. Really, it helps you and it helps them. And we know narcissists. Sometimes they want you to get in the cage with them, and that's when you can exit.

(07:45)
You can say, I need to go if it gets to that point. But you can try setting a boundary using neutral language that doesn't work for me. Instead of defending, they want you to defend in a way they want to get into your head. Don't give them emotion or extra information that's going to give them what they want, where they can get more of control and know what makes you tick and feed on that. You're giving them very simple wording like, that doesn't work for me. And then you can have an emotional exit plan, like thinking of a calming song in your head, or a grounding breath after each reaction or interaction, sorry, not reaction, but there could be a reaction there too. So boundaries, don't think of them as punishment with your parents. They're your protection. You're not trying to control them, you're trying to protect yourself.

(08:48)
So what else? Releasing the bad daughter story. Okay, this comes up a lot with a lot of my clients who have parents that are toxic. They have been, and maybe you have been emotionally conditioned, right? Trained to believe that peace equals selfishness. Can I say that again? Yes, I will. You were trained to believe that peace equals selfishness, but the healed version of you, or maybe you're healing deep down, maybe even on it's bubbling to the surface that peace equals presence, right? If you're at peace, you can be present and be joyful in that peace. You can't show up as the light you are and you strive to be if you're constantly being dimmed by this guilt. So yes, you can set the boundaries, but if you're carrying along the guilt with you while you're setting them, it's like you have this sack of bricks on your back as you're doing it, you're setting these boundaries, but you feel heavy.

(10:10)
So you also have to do the work. And this is the work I do with my clients. This is the somatic healing stuff we do, the mindset work, all that good stuff. You want to really transform. Let's go one-on-one coaching. It's always mentioned in my show notes, the ways to work with me, okay? But because setting boundaries is great. It's awesome. Okay? It's helpful. It's part of the plan, part of the healing. But a lot of the healing is that inner voice that you have saying you're a bad daughter. That's been conditioned to think that probably no matter what you do. So you might as well if you're going to be a bad daughter, might as well do it with some boundaries. Alright? So this is just kind of the tip of the iceberg here. But this is what I can do in a short podcast episode.

(11:02)
Like I said, if you want to go deeper one-on-one, really transform that information there. Also, I have a Boundaries course. I also have a Free Boundaries pocket guide. If you have not grabbed that, grab that. But there's also a course I'm going to list in my show notes. This is for you if you are here on this podcast episode. This course is life changing for Setting Boundaries. There's so much. So click the link. You can read more about all the details. I don't have time to go into the depth of it, so make sure to definitely click there and read to see all that it has. It is chock full of awesome information. Everything from a little mindset work to the boundary setting to conversations, the actual conversations for setting boundaries to what if they come back and don't, I can't word today, word my words, help.

(12:05)
They don't respect your boundaries or they want to come back and with their ideas of what should be happening, all of that. So it is an amazing, amazing course. It is my baby. So definitely take a look at that. But if you want a true transformation that, I mean three months with me, one-on-one, somatic healing mindset work, your life will change. That's just what's going to happen. So anyway, go take a look at all that and don't forget to protect your sparkle, okay? You're a sparkly queen, okay? We do not want you to be dimmed by people who were supposed to take care of you. And if they haven't done a great job of that thus far, they may not, right? Especially if they're older, they're more set in their ways, they're not going out getting therapy, whatever. It's up to you. Yes, you can do no contact, but the people who are here, I think on this episode, are probably looking for a way to either distance a little or be able to have contact, but set boundaries.

(13:10)
So hopefully this podcast was helpful. I know it's just a little, like I said, tip of the iceberg. So if you want more, that course is amazing. And one-on-one work is mind blowing. So toot toot, I'm tooting my own horn on my shit. Alright, I love you guys. And don't forget, Thursdays are Thrive in Five, and they always relate to the Tuesday before. So we will have a Thrive in five specifically for those of you who are dealing with this situation, okay? And you're not a bad daughter for choosing peace. You are a healed one. Yes, breaking that cycle. I love it. All right, love you. Seeing the next step.

How to Break the Brain Loop That Keeps You Obsessed With Understanding Them

Thu, 09 Oct 2025 06:00:00 -0400

💖 Work With Christy

🎁 Fun Queen Resources

💌 Join the Free Private Facebook Community — connect with other Queens rebuilding after narcissistic abuse.
👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/narcissisticabuserecoverypodcast

👑 Grab Your Free Boundaries Pocket Guide — learn how to say nope without guilt.
👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

💬 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts — ready-made boundary phrases that protect your peace.
👉 https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Still Trying to Understand the Narcissist? Here’s Why It’s Stealing Your Peace

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 06:00:00 -0400

If you’re still trying to understand the narcissist, this episode is your wake-up call. Christy Jade breaks down why searching for answers keeps you stuck in their cycle—and what to do instead to finally reclaim your peace, power, and clarity.

👑 Work with Christy:

If you’re ready to stop walking on eggshells and start healing for real, my 3-Month Transformational Coaching & Somatic Healing Program will help you rebuild self-trust, regulate your nervous system, and rise into your power again.
👉 Learn more or apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

💞 Resources for Your Healing:

💌 Boundaries Pocket Guide — Learn to say “no” without guilt & protect your peace.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

🎧 Join the Facebook Community — Connect with women healing after narcissistic abuse.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/narcissisticabuserecoverycommunity

📜 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts — Know exactly what to say to keep your boundaries strong. VIP PRICING FOR LISTENERS!

Try This If You’ve Been Praying but Still Feel Unsafe

Thu, 02 Oct 2025 06:00:00 -0400

You’ve prayed. You’ve trusted. But your body still doesn’t feel safe.

In this 5-minute pause, Christy guides you through a gentle moment to reconnect with God’s peace — not just think about it.

👉 Ready to rebuild your peace for good?
Inside my 3-Month Transformation Journey, we’ll rewire your nervous system, restore your faith in yourself, and help you finally feel calm and confident again.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

💎 WHAT YOU’LL LEARN

✅ Why your body can still feel unsafe even when your faith is strong
✅ A gentle way to feel God’s peace again (not just think about it)
✅ How to begin healing your nervous system after trauma

💖 FREE TOOLS & COMMUNITY

✨ Boundaries Pocket Guide — say no without guilt!
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

👑 Join the Facebook Community — connect with women healing after narcissistic abuse
https://www.facebook.com/groups/narcissisticabuserecovery

Does the Bible Say You Should Stay With an Abuser? The Truth About Leaving Toxic Relationships (and What God Really Wants for You)

Tue, 30 Sep 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Have you ever been told “God hates divorce,” “pray harder,” or “be patient” — even when your spirit knew something was wrong?

In this powerful, truth-filled episode, Christy unpacks what the Bible actually says about abusers and leaving toxic relationships, exposing the spiritual manipulation that keeps women stuck in pain. You’ll discover God’s heart for the oppressed, why He never calls you to stay in harm, and how to step into peace — not guilt.

This is your reminder that God’s truth brings freedom, not fear.

💎 WHAT YOU’LL LEARN

✅ What Scripture actually teaches about abuse, oppression, and justice
✅ Why forgiveness doesn’t mean staying in harm’s way
✅ How God’s character and Word support your peace and safety
✅ The biblical truth that sets you free from guilt and confusion

💖 LINKS & RESOURCES 🎁 FREEBIES

✨ Boundaries Pocket Guide — protect your peace with simple, powerful scripts
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

👑 Join the Facebook Community — connect with women healing after narcissistic abuse
https://www.facebook.com/groups/narcissisticabuserecovery

💫 COURSES & COACHING

🎓 Empowered Boundaries Course — master confident, guilt-free boundaries
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

🌿 Reclaiming You 1:1 Session (90 min) — personalized clarity, nervous system reset, and next-step plan
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

👑 Monthly Peace Coaching — ongoing somatic + spiritual support to rebuild self-trust
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

One Daily Shift to Stop a Narcissist From Draining Your Energy

Thu, 25 Sep 2025 06:00:00 -0400

One Daily Shift to Stop a Narcissist From Draining Your Energy (Thrive in 5)

On Tuesday, we unpacked why narcissists want you exhausted and how to take your power back. In today’s quick Thrive in 5, I’m giving you one super simple shift you can use daily to protect your energy and stop them from draining you. This takes less than five minutes but makes a huge difference in keeping your peace.

👑 Mic Drop: Every pause, every reset is proof that you’re reclaiming your power one moment at a time.

✨ LINKS & GOODIES ✨

💖 Freebie: Grab your FREE Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

👑 1:1 Coaching: Reclaiming You Sessions → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

📌 Listener Faves:

The Grey Rock Method: How to Deal with a Narcissist if You Cannot Go No Contact → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776
Co-Parenting With a Narcissist? Why ‘Staying Civil’ Might Be Destroying Your Peace → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/co-parenting-with-a-narcissist-why-staying-civil-might/id1662241353?i=1000671183508

👑 Stay Connected:

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/christyjade
Private Facebook Community → https://www.facebook.com/groups/1373765840008654/

TRANSCRIPTS

Speaker 1 (00:01):

Hello. Hello. So this is going to be a super quick episode with no real intro music because I was out tonight celebrating one of my friend's birthdays. Yay. Yay for birthdays. Alright, so Tuesday we talked about why narcissists want you exhausted and how to take your power back. Today I'm going to give you one super simple daily shift that can help you stop them from draining your energy and it takes less than five minutes. So it's perfect, perfect for tonight. Okay, so like I said, we dove in. How narcissists keep you running on empty, right? When you're depleted, you are easier to control, easier to manipulate, and less likely to fight back. But here's the good news, you don't have to play their game today. I want to give you one quick, powerful shift you can start using right away to keep that energy intact.

(01:05)
It is called a transition ritual. Here's how it works. Every time you feel yourself being pulled into their chaos could be a nasty text, an exhausting call, or even just remembering something they said. You pause, you step away and give yourself a reset ritual. So that could look like putting your phone in the drawer for five minutes, walking outside and maybe walking around if you have a cul-de-sac or just around the neighborhood and doing some intentional breathing, like that halo breathing I love. Or even just putting your hand on your heart and saying, my peace belongs to me, not them. So it sounds small, but it's actually big. Why? Because every time you interrupt this cycle, you're teaching your nervous system. I am safe, I am in charge, and I don't have to give my energy away. So here's the mic drop. Okay? Every pause, every reset is proof that you are reclaiming your power one moment at a time, right? So it seems like a small thing and maybe you won't remember every single time. So don't beat yourself up if you forget and you have a spin out, whatever. We're on a journey, okay? We're on a little healing, healing journey now. Alright? So try it this week. Choose your ritual.

(03:00)
I would suggest using one for now until you're in the real habit of it, and then you can switch them out, rotate them, but pick the one or maybe try 'em all out. See which works best for you. You can do your own version of one of these too, and notice how much more energy and clarity you hold onto. And if you haven't listened yet, go back to Tuesday's full episode where I unpack why the narcissists thrive on your exhaustion and how you can actually step into your power. So I know I have a little lack of energy tonight. I am very tired. It is very late, but I still wanted to get you just a quick episode. At least I know a lot of you love these. Thrive in fives and that's about it as you know the drill. If you want to work one-on-one and have super transformative somatic healing journeys, that is epic work.

(04:08)
Go look in my show notes. I will link the ways you can work in the one-on-one there. There's also My Empowered Boundaries course, which is it's just Chef's Kiss, okay? If you want to learn how to set boundaries, how to maintain boundaries, all the conversations, how to not feel guilty, the energy around them, all of that good stuff, it is a 10 module course and it is my baby. So go check out my baby or one-on-one work and I've got a couple freebies always listed in there. So definitely go check out the show notes and don't forget to hit follow on my podcast on the main page to make sure you do not miss an episode. Alright, love you. See you later. Queens.

Why Narcissists Want You Exhausted (and How to Take Your Power Back Before It’s Too Late)

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Ever feel like dealing with a narcissist leaves you totally drained — like you’ve just run an emotional marathon? That’s not random.

In this episode, I reveal why narcissists actually want you exhausted and how to finally reclaim your energy, peace, and power before it’s too late.

💡 Here’s what you’ll learn today:

Why exhaustion is the narcissist’s #1 control tactic
How chaos cycles, sleep sabotage, and guilt-tripping keep you stuck
The simple 3-step process to take your power back and protect your peace

If you’re healing after narcissistic abuse and tired of feeling depleted, this episode will give you the tools to stop the cycle and rise back into your power.

👑 Ready for more support?
👉 Grab my free Boundaries Pocket Guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

👉 Explore the Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

👉 Book a 1:1 Reclaiming You Session: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

3 Boundary Traps Narcissists Use in Co-Parenting—And How to Outsmart Them Every Time

Thu, 18 Sep 2025 07:45:00 -0400

💻 Courses & Coaching

👑 Empowered Boundaries Course → https://www.facebook.com/groups/narcissisticabuserecoveryforwomen

🎁 Free Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

🎤 Subscribe to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast → https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/f7vsi-208d1a/Narcissistic-Abuse-Recovery-Podcast

🎧 Related Podcast Episode

TRANSCRIPTS

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Are You Making THIS Boundary Mistake? Why It’s Wrecking Your Peace (and How to Fix It Fast)

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 07:30:00 -0400

Ever set a boundary only to cave, over-explain, or feel guilty? You’re not alone, queen. In this episode, I break down the #1 boundary mistake women make after narcissistic abuse — and give you a 3-step fix to finally protect your peace. Because girl, you look good in peace. ✨👑

✨ Links & Resources for Your Royal Glow-Up:
👑 Copy.Paste.Peace Scripts (special listener price!) → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copypeacepastescripts/
🌸 Enroll in the Empowered Boundaries Course → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
💖 Apply for 1:1 Coaching with Christy → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
🌺 Join the Free Facebook Support Group → https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

✨ Stay Connected:
🎧 Follow the show so you never miss a new episode!
📲 Share this episode with a fellow queen who needs boundary confidence today.

-----TRANSCRIPT------

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Have you ever set a boundary only to cave in, feel guilty or overexplain yourself? If that is you, queen, this episode is your wake up call. I'm going to break down the number one boundary mistake women make after narcissistic abuse and how to fix it so you can finally protect your piece. Because girl, you look good in peace. Did anyone ever tell you that? All right, stay close. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(00:59)
Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself. Again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. Alright, welcome back to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast. Now, I know you've probably tried setting boundaries before, maybe rehearsed what to say, but if you're second guessing, caving or walking away actually feeling worse instead of stronger, you are not alone. And here's the truth. It's not because weak or broken. It's because most of us we're taught boundaries the wrong way. So today I'm going to reveal the number one mistake I see over and over and give you a little three step fix that you can use right away.

(02:00)
How's that sound? Good? Alright. So first of all, the number one boundary mistake that's costing your peace is this treating boundaries like a one time announcement instead of a daily practice in kind of a way of life. So here's what happens. You finally build the courage to say, no, I can't do that, or I won't do that, or I need some space, right? You feel empowered until the other person pushes back, right? Maybe they get angry, maybe they guilt trip you. I can get a what? I've been through that one. Maybe they act confused or pretend they don't hear you, and suddenly it all kicks it up, right? The guilt comes in, doubt creeps in. You're asking, wait, am I being too harsh? Am I wrong for needing this? Maybe I should just let it go. And before you know it, you have caved or over explained or have said, okay, just this once, right?

(03:06)
One more chance, one more. You sound familiar though. It's okay if it does. Don't beat yourself up. You're not failing a boundaries, okay? You're just stuck in the trap of seeing them as a single moment instead of this living practice that you hold every day. So how do you fix this? How do you move from the wobbly guilt ridden boundaries to the ones that actually protect your piece? So here's my little three step quick fix. Number one, decide before you declare. Don't rush into announcing a boundary because you feel the pressure to, or you're having an empowered big moment. Don't go on an emotional announcement. You want to first get crystal clear with yourself.

(04:01)
Ask, what do I actually need here? What behavior am I no longer willing to accept? So ask yourself those two things. Maybe you want to pause and even write these questions down. What do I actually need here in this situation? What behavior am I no longer willing to accept? And that could be in this situation, that could be just in general with this person or with anybody. If you're trying to set boundaries all across the board, maybe you have not just your ex co-parenting with, but you realize you have a lot of friends that are controlling too. What are you no longer going to accept from everybody? Right? This could be specific or broader. So when you're solid inside and you have that clarity, you'll project your confidence more on the outside. Okay? So you're going to decide before you declare the boundary and you're going to really get clear, but not jump in emotionally to that decision.

(05:10)
Number two, girl, I'm somatic anchor in your body. That's where the somatic work shines. So close your eyes, take a few breaths and picture yourself calmly holding that line. Okay? So imagine your posture. What does it feel like? Your shoulders, back, chest up, chin up, crown on your tone. Imagine how you're saying it. So that would most commonly be calm, not yelling, not sounding like a crazy wild animal. Okay? Steady breathing, calm tone. You can sound firm without sounding attitude or whatever. Keep emotions out of it, okay? The more your nervous system practices safety in advance by doing these kind of visualizations, the easier it is to stay grounded when you actually do this. So you can close your eyes, breathe and imagine yourself. If you're not someone who's visual, just think about it. Think about what it would be like, how you'll stand, how your breath will be, how you'll feel.

(06:42)
Not all jittery and crazy, and shoulders up to your ears, right? Namaste, Namaste. Say with me. Namaste. Okay, so you've got the body cooperating now. Now, step three, restate, don't retreat. So once you've had the clarity of the boundary, you're declaring, you've anchored in your body and declared what that is, when and if, which is with narcissists, usually push back. The key is to not argue or over explain. You calmly restate your boundary. That's it. There's no apologies, there's no questioning yourself or seeming not confident about what you're saying. This is your truth. This is what you've decided. That's why you take the time to make sure you know what you need and you know what you're no longer willing to accept, right? So no apologizing, no long essays about why or, well, if you do this, and I do that, no back and forth, no emotion.

(07:56)
If you haven't listened to my Gray Rock episodes, I believe there are two of them. Go listen to my Gray Rock episodes. This is a perfect example. You want it short, sweet, to the point, no emotion. Okay? So an example. You could say, I'm not available for this conversation if they keep pressing you calmly repeat, as I said, I'm not available for this conversation. End of story. Don't take their bait. They want you to get flustered. They want you, obviously they want you to cave right? They want you to question yourself, but you're a new you. You're U2 0.0, queen B, okay? And you're not here for it. You're just, it's a one sentence, sir, I'm not available for this conversation. There are also, by the way, I've just on side note, I have a set of scripts. I will put in the show notes that you get for a special price.

(09:04)
I just made them recently and my podcast listeners, get a little special price on that. VIP baby woo woo. So go check those out. But that's how you train both yourself and others, that your boundaries are real. This is just rinse and repeat baby. Okay? Rinse and repeat. You're not questioning yourself. You're like, this is my truth, right? Let's say co-parenting is saying, someone's saying, well, I really want you to switch weekends because I got to be fed grapes on the island of Fiji and you can't do that. And you said, well, I've had plans for whatever. Okay, now they're saying you are going to do it or else, and then start threatening you. Who knows, all this shit can happen. And you say, I'm not switching weekends. And they say, but as I said, I'm not switching weekends, end of story. Obviously this isn't, don't go the other end of the earth with just being stubborn to be stubborn.

(10:10)
If there's a rational reason and they're asking for something, that's okay. You don't have to have boundaries up as far as if they're being rational, calm humans, which is usually 0% of the time. But hey, alright, so I've been there. I set a boundary once with a family member and the guilt really ate at me. I wanted to cave almost to make them comfortable, even though at this point, I couldn't even stand them right in conversation. But when I calmly restated the boundary, instead of backing down, it was like I finally walked away feeling stronger than I had in a really long time. I was like, holy shit, I actually did this. I actually felt strong and confident in that moment in what I was saying, and it was more beneficial. And it was like, that's it. End of story. I'm out. Seacrest out, deuces up.

(11:13)
That moment showed me boundaries aren't about the other person because their reaction didn't matter to me anymore. It's about honoring me, honoring us, what we need, what we no longer will take. So it doesn't matter about what they want us to do or how they want us to react, and we don't have to take the bait. This is about us. Our boundaries are for us, nobody else. So if you're nodding along thinking, yep, this is where I get stuck. Listen, boundaries are not just about words. They're about energy. I'm a big energy person. If you've been following me, you probably know that energy consistency and nervous system regulation.

(12:07)
So that's why I created My Empowered Boundaries course. If you have not taken that, this is something super powerful. You need to go purchase like yesterday, and if you haven't, I don't know why, but go do it. It's 10 video modules where I walk you step by step through creating boundaries that actually stick without the guilt. And you get a meditation bundle to help also regulate your nervous system. But there's also modules about the energy aspect, all of that, right? So you don't just say your boundaries, you embody them. This is way different than throw it out a boundary saying, well, I'm never going to let you, whatever. Again, getting all emotional, throwing a boundary caving or feeling bad or saying, oh, that was extreme. There's a whole practice to it. And yes, we just highlighted three quick things that you can do that can help you.

(13:11)
But there's a whole slew of, if you want the true environment and transformation, we can only do so much in a podcast. I do try to give you whatever I can, but if you want more of a deeper dive, a little bit customized, because you do exercises in the beginning to customize it exactly to all of your boundaries, there's an evaluation in the beginning, a self-evaluation, and you work through it. And like I said, it's 10 videos and they drip, drop drip every week. So when you sign up, you will get the first video and then the next week, the second, so you don't get overwhelmed, and then you have a lifetime, you can always refer back to them. You get to keep all of the videos. So if you are tired of feeling all wobbly and thinking boundaries, just don't work. That Empowered Boundaries course is your next step.

(14:13)
And obviously if you want to work one-on-one with me, where it's like I am there in your back pocket and we are boundary regaining, is that a word? The hell out of your life? And huge transformations are happening. That's the one-on-one work that's ongoing. That is magical. But if you want two more baby, step in or do something at your own pace right now, empowered Boundaries is, it's amazing. It's a great, great course. And yes, I'm biased. I'm awesome. Just kidding. So here's your homework. Pick one boundary that feels a little shaky and use the three-step. Just see if it helps a little bit here. Decide it, anchor it in the body, visualize, and then restate instead of retreating. And if you need deeper support, again, join Empowered Boundaries. You'll have everything you need to feel strong, safe, and unapologetic. I love that word, don't you?

(15:13)
Oh, it's such an empowering word in your boundaries. You're not too much for wanting peace, okay? That's not a too much thing. We might have been conditioned to feel that way, but it is not. You are worthy of peace. Everyone is right. But look, a narcissist, they're technically worthy of it, right? But they don't know how to have it. Here's the difference you do. You're looking at tools right here, put 'em into practice. There are deeper dive tools you can do purchasing that course will really, really help. And then if you want to do one-on-one, that's where the, who the hell is this? Now look at this confident boundary queen. You won't recognize yourself, right? So stay sparkly, and I will see you in the next episode. Remember, Thursdays are our somatic thrive in fives where we do, it's like a little mini episode of some quick exercises, breathing techniques, visualizations, meditations, all the fun to support Tuesday's episodes, right?

(16:20)
So definitely don't forget to follow me. Please go right now. You can go to my main page on whatever podcast platform you're listening on, and go hit the follow button there so you don't miss any of my episodes. There's also free Facebook group that's a private group that, again, the transformations come when you really show up for yourself. So I highly, highly recommend at least purchasing that boundaries course. If not doing the one-on-one and letting yourself actually live in peace and learning the tools and the body magic so you can live a much more peaceful, amazing life, you do deserve it. Okay? You're so precious in your peace. Okay, with that crown too girl. What? All right, I'll see you in the next episode. Love you.

How to Handle the Selfish Label - 3 Fast Fixes (and Glitter Gate?)

Thu, 11 Sep 2025 07:45:00 -0400

Ever been called selfish for protecting your peace? In this quick episode, I’ll share 3 powerful tools to reset your mind, body, and spirit—so you can release the guilt and step into your healing with confidence.

Links & Resources:

💖 Grab your Copy.Paste.Peace Scripts (normally $37, podcast listeners get them for just $17 with code PEACE):
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

🌟 Ready for deep, 1:1 support? Check out my Reclaiming You Coaching Sessions:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

---------- TRANSCRIPTS Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello, gorgeous queen. Has anyone told you how amazing you look today? I hope they did, but if they did not, I'm here to tell you, you look super fly. Like the super fly is to fly. Super, super fly. Alright, so welcome back to Thrive in five. It is Thursday. So it is that lovely thrive in five day on Tuesday. If you listen to that episode, we dug deep into the word people love to throw around selfish. So today I'm going to give you a quick reset to carry with you anytime. Whenever that guilt spiral tries to creep on in. So look, if someone calls you selfish for walking away from a toxic situation, what they're really saying is you're no longer abandoning yourself for my benefit.

(01:12)
Or if they're talking about someone you mutually, mutually, like the person you left and you're both friends with them or family, they could also be sticking up for them and saying that you're no longer abandoning yourself for this person's benefit. So that is not selfish, that is self-honoring. I'm going to repeat that again. I'm going to make a post about this line right here. It's not selfish, it is self-honoring. Alright? So every time you choose your piece, repeat this to yourself, okay? And put your chin up, shine your crown and say, I'm not being selfish, I am being healthy. We talked about this in Tuesday's episode as well, but we need to repeat it. Alright? So when the guilt hits, let's say it's still coming in, your nervous system feels it. You get that kind of anxious feeling, you're tight chested your shoulders may be a little tense. Try this quick somatic reset. All right? You can put your hand on your heart, inhale through the nose for two counts, and then exhale for four. And you do that a few times and then whisper, I'm safe, I'm healing, I'm free. And that longer exhale tells your body we okay? Now.

(02:48)
So remember, your boundaries aren't about controlling them. You're not being selfish. It's not about them and what you're taking from them or doing for yourself instead of them, it's just about protecting you, which is different from very self-serving actions like the greedy selfishness. That's not what you're doing here. You're literally protecting yourself. That loud pushback you get when you stop abandoning yourself. That's noise. That's the BS we talked about Tuesday. Let it bounce off your golden sparkly wall of protection. Okay? So I want you guys to, seriously, when you think about your boundaries, I want you to picture them as a beautiful golden glitter wall around you. How can you feel guilty about that? That's just glorious. Okay? So you are protecting your queen age with every right to do so. Okay? So this week, anytime someone throws that selfish label your way, or maybe you're just replaying what they have said in the past, we're known to do that, aren't we?

(04:03)
Right? Just smile. If they say it to you silently, thank them in your mind, okay? Yeah, you're right. I'm putting up this glitter, glittery, glitter. That's not a word. Glittery gold wall around me. And it's proof that you're not playing small anymore, that you're not going to be held under the thumb of a narcissist controlled by a narcissist walking on their eggshells. No, no, you are not selfish. You are brave enough to stop being their puppet, okay? You're not a puppet, you're a queen. Do I have to reiterate that with the gold wall? The gold crown, all the gold. Okay? So hopefully this helps. If not, there's plenty more somatic tools you can go through on my podcast every Thursday. Just go to any of the Thursday Thrive in five episodes and I will have more coming to you. We're going to get into some different stuff.

(05:15)
So make sure, actually, speaking of which, you have lots of fun stuff coming through soon. So go make sure you're following my podcast, okay? You do that by scrolling to my main page, whether it's on Apple, Podbean, wherever, and look for the little area. I don't know where it is on each platform, but it should be fairly obvious. And say follow. Click it so you don't miss an episode. And also all my fun things, right? Check out the description, the show notes. We have the ways to work with me, which is like if you really, you want to talk about recalibrating your whole nervous system and your soul, and your eyes and your elbows, everything's going to be different after I get done with you. No, but if you want a true transformation, one-on-one is the way to go. I have a boundaries course that is also amazing.

(06:15)
If you can't do one-on-one, you have some excuse about money or time, you got an option of a Boundaries Empowered Boundaries course that's there. You can join a free Facebook page, which is great. Why not do that? That's free. And there's a couple little fun things. I've got some scripts for you that I just created, and you guys get them for a special price. So go check that out. Just go to the show notes, have a little tea party in my show notes. Okay? Pink is up, crowns up, let's hang out. You have me, I have you. We've got a community group on Facebook, right? Alright, so your boundaries are not about them. They're about protecting yourself with your glorious glitter gates, glitter gates. That'd be cute. Maybe we shouldn't do some merch. What do you think? I'll put glitter. You got to help me.

(07:14)
We got to brainstorm on this. Okay? Come to my Facebook route. Let's brainstorm some glitter, merch, glitter gates, right? And don't take the bait. There's so many fun things we could do. All right? So anytime someone throws that at you this week, like I said, smile. Thank them. You're not selfish. Let it go. Let it bounce off your golden gates. It's a new form of the golden gates right now. Anytime I think of the Golden Gate Bridge, I'm going to think of our glittery ass gates around us. All right? Keep protecting your peace. I'm giving you full permission, not even have these full ass permission. Okay, I will see you in the next episode. Love you. Bye.

You’re Not Selfish: The Truth About Healing After Toxic Love

Tue, 09 Sep 2025 08:00:00 -0400

Have you ever been called selfish for leaving a toxic relationship… or for finally saying NO? You’re not alone — and you’re not selfish. In this empowering episode, Christy Jade unpacks why women are labeled selfish after walking away from toxic love, and how to reframe those accusations as proof you’re actually healing.

You’ll learn:
✅ Why abusers (and even family) weaponize the word “selfish”
✅ The truth about protecting your peace after toxic love
✅ A simple script + somatic reset to stop the guilt spiral

✨ Special Listener Offer: Need the exact words to shut down drama and protect your peace? My brand-new Copy.Paste.Peace Scripts give you ready-to-use responses for co-parents, toxic exes, family, or anyone trying to guilt-trip you. No more freezing up or second-guessing — just calm, confident replies that stop the chaos before it starts.

They’re normally $37, but as a podcast listener, you can grab them today for just $17 with code PEACE → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/?coupon=PEACE

💖 Join the Community: Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse inside my free private Facebook group → https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

👑 Work With Me 1:1: Ready to go deeper? Book a Reclaiming You coaching session and get personalized support to heal, rise, and rebuild → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello, gorgeous queen. You are looking beautiful today by the way. Just a side note. Alright, so we're going to talk about being selfish today. Okay? Have you ever been called selfish for walking away from your toxic situation? Whether it was a romantic situation, walking away from a family member or a lifelong friend, just someone at church, whatever it is, we're going to set the record straight. You are not selfish, okay? Protecting your peace after toxic anything is one of the most courageous and healing things you can do for yourself. So we'll dive in. Stay tuned.

(00:41)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christy wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:39)
One of the most common things I hear from women who have actually left the toxic relationship is they said, I'm selfish or I'm cold, right? So this could be your ex, maybe it's your own mom, maybe it's someone from your church community, someone in your workspace if you quit a job and it stings because deep down you've already given so much. But here's the truth, women who finally stand up and say, I cannot do this anymore, almost always get slapped with the label of selfish, cold, or even narcissistic themselves. Why? Well, because abusers and controlling people need to keep you in their system. And one of the easiest ways to guilt you back in is to make you question your goodness. So if you're a caring, empathetic woman, which you are, they know that calling you selfish will hit you right in the heart. They know that is your soft spot because that's actually your comfort, your pride in yourself is that you're not selfish.

(02:53)
You are an empath. You are giving and caring, and you do put people often before yourself. You're finally putting yourself first because you absolutely rock bottom, have to. And now they're going to twist it to call you selfish or a narcissist, right? Sometimes it's not even the abuser, usually it is, but it can also be outsiders. It can be mutual friends with the abuser. It can be family like other family members. If it's a family member, friends, people in religious circles who have been taught women should sacrifice endlessly no matter what. They don't get it. Or they've also bought into the idea that if you're not pouring yourself out 24 7, you're failing. And that's just a no. We're in 2025. People welcome. Okay? So let me tell you, being called selfish in those moments, it's not a sign you're doing something wrong. It's a sign you're finally doing something, right?

(03:56)
So you know what? From now on when someone says selfish, just say thank you in your head. Thanks. Because you know why they're saying it. It's for their own selfish reasons. It's not actually about you, okay? It's often just the word people use. When we're going to repeat this, I feel like I want to say 40 times when you stop abandoning yourself, that is when they use this word, they're used to you bending over backwards for them or for the other person that they're protecting. And when you stop because you were actually abandoning yourself to do so, these little sirens go off that you're selfish. So protecting your peace is not selfish. It is what you need to do to survive it's sanity. So boundaries are not cruelty. Healing isn't betrayal. It's nothing to do with them. This is everything to do with you, right?

(04:57)
Your boundaries are not to control them, it's to control your peace and your livelihood, your sanity, your health. And you also notice when you stop playing small, the people who benefit from you staying small will get louder. They're going to push back, they're going to call names, but that noise, it's just noise. First of all, we're going to start calling all that stuff noise. It's proof you are finally getting free. Or maybe you are free now completely from this narcissist, from this toxic person. So what do you do when the guilt spiral hits? Well, I always have tools in my little toolbox. I first a little sample script you can keep in your back pocket. I'm not being selfish. I'm being healthy. This is a really good one that I used for a long time. I'm being healthy. I'm being healthy. Let's not get 'em twisted up and confused. Selfish is not the same as being healthy. You can say it out loud, write it down, put it on your phone.

(06:06)
You can also do a somatic reset. You can do a little hand on heart. Take that slow inhale through your nose and exhale little longer than you breathe in. So you could do two seconds in and four seconds out and then repeat. I'm not being selfish, I'm being healthy. And third, you could do a little mindset mantra. Their labels don't define my healing. Their labels don't define my healing. We're going to start really just separating all of this. What you're doing can have nothing to do with them. You're protecting your piece. You're not controlling them. They can do whatever they want. They can say whatever they want. They can label whatever you want. They can tell other people whatever they want. You'll start in this journey with me, letting those things go, keeping your wall up around you, your protective, golden, shiny, sparkly wall that does not let that stuff penetrate.

(07:13)
You're a queen and you're healing, and you need to focus on you and not what other people are saying or thinking why you're getting away from in the first place, because their mind isn't right. So you think all of a sudden they're going to say something that's true. Now you're getting out or you've gotten out because of their bullshit. So this is just more bullshit. Doesn't that make sense? They had all this bullshit. You're finally out and now you're going to believe they're bullshit when they say you're selfish or no, ma'am, nope. It's still bullshit. So you're not selfish. You're actually brave walking away from a situation like that. It is one of the hardest things you will ever do. And hopefully, I know a lot of you are already on that other side. A lot of you are co-parenting, but you've gotten out of the actual relationship. Or maybe you're trying and you're listening to this to encourage you, girl, it's bullshit. Jump over. Get on this side of the golden sparkly fence. Get out of that toxic shit if you're still in it, okay, come join us. You get really sparkly and glowy over on this side, okay? You get freedom. You get peace. You rewrite your story. The story they have given you that they have brainwashed you into thinking about yourself. It is bullshit.

(08:39)
You're doing this for yourself. You're doing this for your kids, for your future, for your kids' future. You stepping out of this situation, or if you're on the outside now and questioning or feeling guilty, no, you should feel guilty, not guilty. I don't want to put pressure on you. You're still in it and trying to get out, but you're going to have more guilt. I'm not saying you should. I'm not judging. You will have guilt if you stay in a toxic world where it's not just crushing you, but it's crushing your children. And yes, I know a lot of people think, oh, broken families crush the look. I'm a product of a broken home. I might, okay, they'll be okay. They'll be better off being away from a toxic parent as much as they can. I know they may get custody rights maybe half the time even, and sometimes we can't do anything about that.

(09:37)
But half the time away is amazing. And you being able to heal and be a better role model because you actually are out of the situation. When you're in the situation, you can't heal, okay? You cannot stay in a toxic relationship and move on and heal and be of a healthy mind. So you need to get out. You need to heal. So then at least half the time, hopefully more, you're bettering yourself and your child is seeing it, and you are role modeling a he mindset, a healthier relationship with self, a healthier relationship with others. You're showing them what they should accept and not accept in their lives. Sorry, I got on a little side. Preach. Got a little passionate there, but do it for you. Do it for your kids and your future. The whole world could call you selfish, okay? But you're not. What are you? You're getting freaking healthy and you're not self-sacrificing and sabotaging your entire damn soul, okay? You deserve better. Stop worrying what other people are saying, especially the bullshit or narcissist, come on, we know their brain's not right? Right?

(10:56)
Healing requires courage. You're here, you're doing the work, you're listening to this. And if you freeze up in those moments when someone calls you selfish, I got you. I have actually, I have, oh, I didn't even mention it. I have a new scripts you can purchase that will give you words to say to co-parents, toxic exes, family, whoever's trying to guilt trip you. So we can help with that part. And they're normally $37. But if you're listening to today, my little podcast crew, you can grab them for just $17 with the code piece. So I'll put the code, I think it should already automate that piece code in there, but if not, P-E-A-C-E. But I think it should automatically apply the discount for you. And so that's only 17, so it's $20 discount. I love my podcast people and I want you guys, I make it affordable enough so you can have this help in your back pocket.

(11:58)
Look at these examples, and if you have a question or whatever, reach out. Email me. My email's always in the show notes. I don't bite. Just say, Hey, is there another way I could say this? If one thing doesn't sound exactly how you might say it and you're just trying to brainstorm, how else could you maybe say it? I will help you with that. Please email me. I love helping, but it's just a good general guide to deal with, specifically dealing with narcissists or toxic people or controlling people or So first, don't let the toxic people steal your sparkle. Okay? Because glittery and beautiful, grab that copy paste piece. It's called the scripts, okay? 17 bucks. And come join the sisterhood. I have a private Facebook page and that's awesome. So that's free and it's private so no one can see you're in it besides you and the people in it.

(12:53)
And if you want that deep personalized transformation, right? Like you are ready, clients in my three month one-on-ones are amazing, getting epic results. They show up, right? You got to show up every week we have our one-on-one zoom calls. You get these transformational mindset and somatic tools, and we're customizing everything. Your life is going to change for the better hands down. So if you want that level, then go click on the three month link there. It's called reclaiming you because you're going to reclaim you whether you like it or not. And I will walk that journey with you hand in hand, right? So all the links are below and until Thursday, which will be more of a deeper somatic tool. Supporting this episode. Keep protecting your peace. Stand in that power and thrive like the queen you are. Alright, I will see you in the next episode.

A 5-Minute Practice to Quiet Self-Doubt After Narcissistic Abuse

Thu, 04 Sep 2025 06:00:00 -0400

When self-doubt creeps in—“Did I overreact? Am I being too much?”—it’s easy to spiral. In this mini-episode, I’ll guide you through a simple 5-minute somatic practice to calm your body, quiet the guilt loop, and anchor back into your truth.

👑 Resources & Links Mentioned in this Episode

✨ Freebie: Grab your Boundaries Pocket Guide →
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
💻 Coaching: Work with me 1:1 to reclaim your peace & power:
- Reclaiming You Session (90-min) →
  00:03):
  
  Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a breath Queen, this one's for you. Hey Queen, welcome to your Thrive in five, your quick reset to calm the chaos and reclaim your sparkle. Yes, it looks so good on you. Alright, if you caught Tuesday's episode, which was called Still Doubting Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse, here's how to break the cycle. Then we talked about why the narcissist trains you to question yourself and how to rebuild that self-trust. Well, today I've got a somatic practice you can use anytime that doubt creeps in, think of it as a five minute body reset to quiet that guilt loop and anchor back into your truth. Alright, so step one, name the doubt. Start by simply naming the thought or question running in your head.
  
  (01:07)
  Maybe it's, did I overreact or am I being too much? Say it out loud or whisper it if you must or scream it on the top of a hill. Naming it gives it less power. It stops being this swirl that's on loop in your head and becomes something you can actually observe. And we do a lot of this in somatic healing. If you've done sessions with me, we can beat the observer of things, which helps heal them. It puts a light on them, helps heal them, helps us move in a different direction, have a different perspective. So even just naming it is a step in the right direction. So number two, you can do a body. You can place one hand on your chest or stomach and take a slow grounding breath in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. This is a halo breath. And ask yourself, what is my body feeling right now? Is it tightness? Is it fear? Is it calm? What's going on in there? This pulls you into the present moment instead of letting your mind spin in the past, right? So it's that present moment, body check-in. Step three, the truth anchor. Okay, so here's where we shift the energy. Repeat after me or you can make it your own. If I set this boundary, it's because I needed peace.
  
  (02:43)
  Peace is not wrong, right? Let's say that last part again. Peace is not wrong, it's right, okay? And you keep breathing slowly as you repeat it. Letting nervous system soak in its truth. You can swap in your own phrase like protecting myself is love, or my feelings are valid. That's a huge one that we really need to reiterate to ourselves after going through abuse. Alright, then step four, a visual reset. So look around the room and find one comforting thing to rest your eyes on. It could be a candle, a favorite mug, a photo that makes you smile. I have a palm tree in my bedroom and that is my favorite place to focus when I'm trying to do a visual reset. I love palm trees, I love the beach. It just brings me to that happy space. So find whatever happy, comforting object you can and let your gaze stay in there.
  
  (03:54)
  Stay there until your body softens. So just keep staring. Might feel weird at first, but just let your gaze stare and eventually your body will soften, you will relax more. Your nervous system is focusing on this comforting thing, this comforting feeling. And it's starting to say, I'm safe. I'm safe in this moment. I'm safe with my palm tree. So look, the narcissist may have trained you to doubt yourself. Yeah, they did. But every time you pause, you breathe, you anchor in your truth, not their narrative. You're retraining your body to trust you again. So you can practice this anytime that your self-doubt sneaks in and save this episode. These little thrive in fives are great to just play. Any time you're having spinning out in your head or your body feels tense, any mind, body, spirit, deflation is a great time to just come back to one of your saved episodes.
  
  (05:14)
  That's why I try to make them nice and quick, but effective. So if you Miss Tuesday's full episode, definitely you want to go back and listen to that because pairing these insights with the somatic support is how you really break the cycle. I talk about the mindset and the somatic side. So we do a lot of the mindset and discussing the why's and how's and more logistical stuff on those Tuesday episodes. And then Thursday it's all about the body because the body remembers. So we want to rewire, reset and just chill the hell out and sparkle. Alright, so you guys, you're not broken. You're not damaged. You're that solid gold block that just got a bunch of shit poured all over you, a bunch of dirt and mud, and we're clearing it off. We're clearing it off, right? We're resetting that nervous system, which is doable.
  
  (06:17)
  And if you want to go on deep transformation, imagine where you'll be in a year from now if you actually do the deeper work. And that doesn't mean it has to be really heavy. I mean, if you work with me, I make it fun. So maybe it depends who you work with. But this one-on-one somatic work, I mean the mindset work's great. The somatic work is mind blowing. It is amazing. And it's changed my life. It's changed my client's life. And if you want your life to uplevel in a way you couldn't imagine where you actually can find peace, if you feel like, I can't even imagine what that feels like, believe it baby, because I was where you are and now I'm here and it feels so much better and calmer and that peace and I feel like I'm more in control of everything, my life, my reactions.
  
  (07:17)
  It's like instead of reacting to life, you are in control of it. Your mind's not spinning and thinking about what this person says or how to do this or did I do that? Questioning yourself. You get this confidence that you've never had and I really want that for you. So if you want to do a deeper transformation, go click the link under on my show notes where it says how to work with me, that one-on-one work there. I also do have a boundaries course I will post, and I have a free boundaries guide if you have not grabbed that. So all the stuff, all the things are in my show notes, so go check it out and I just, you deserve peace, so I want you to have it. And if that's working with me, great, let's do the dang thing. And if it's with someone else, that's great too.
  
  (08:05)
  But imagine a year from now if you don't do any of the transformative work, right? These episodes obviously are great and they help, that's why I do them. But if you want that life changing, mind blowing shift, you got to put in the work. And it might seem overwhelming, but I'm going to promise you what's more overwhelming is what you're doing right now, spinning out in your head, stressing out. Your body is reacting. I'm sure whether you got knots in your stomach, stressed out, neck jaw, maybe you are having insomnia, maybe you're overeating, undereating, all the things, right? So we want you to be happy and balanced. Wouldn't that feel fun? Yes. Okay, go check out my show notes and I hope to work with you soon.

Still Doubting Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse? Here’s How to Break the Cycle

Tue, 02 Sep 2025 06:00:00 -0400

🎙️ Still Doubting Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse? Here’s How to Break the Cycle

Are you stuck second-guessing yourself, even after leaving the narcissist? In this episode, I’ll show you how to break the guilt loop and start trusting yourself again.

👑 Resources & Links Mentioned in this Episode

✨ Freebie: Grab your Boundaries Pocket Guide here →
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
💻 1:1 Coaching: Ready to go deeper? Work with me privately:
- Reclaiming You Session (90-min deep dive) →
  00:00):
  
  Ever catch yourself replaying arguments in your head, wondering if you overreacted or feeling guilty for protecting your peace. That's not because you're broken. It's because narcissistic abuse trains you to doubt yourself. So today I'm going to help you break that cycle, rebuild that self-trust and step into the peace you deserve. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun.
  
  (01:07)
  So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. Alright, queen, let's get real. One of the biggest wounds after narcissistic abuse is the constant questioning of yourself. You say no to someone and then you lie awake at night thinking, was that too harsh? Should I have said yes? You might block their number and then feel a rush of guilt. Just this overwhelmingly off feeling in your body. You're not alone. Here's why. Narcissists actually condition you to doubt yourself through their gaslighting. If you don't know what gaslighting is, it's when they make you question your own memory, your own feelings, or even your sanity. So this is a real thing, and over time you start second guessing everything, even after you've left them.
  
  (02:19)
  The echo of that doubt, it still lingers, but let me remind you that echo, it's not true. This is not your truth. It's programming that we can undo and we can rewrite. So let's talk about the guilt aspect. A lot of you in my community and my Facebook group, whatever, if you're not in that, by the way, go to the show notes and totally click the link and join us. Said guilt is what holds you back. You're finally setting a boundary or you go no contact and that wave of guilt hits. Here's the truth though, guilt doesn't always mean you're wrong. I'm going to say that again. Guilt does not always mean you're wrong. Sometimes it's just an old alarm system going off because you did something new and different than the old you would've done to stay safe, right? This new you is feeling weird doing something different even though it's the right thing to do and it's okay to do and you shouldn't feel guilty.
  
  (03:31)
  That old self did it to feel safe. So you are comfortable in that feeling, right? In the saying yes, in the people pleasing and the walking on eggshells, and now you're like, I got to stop doing this. So we're not doing it. And your body's just taking a little time to catch up. Okay? So think about it. If you were raised or conditioned to believe your worth was in pleasing others or this specific person, then standing up for yourself will feel unnatural at first, right? That makes sense. But that guilt is a sign that you are breaking these maybe even generational patterns. That's some bad ass shit, queen. Okay? You are rewriting your story. That guilt shows you are changing for the better. So the next time guilt shows up, instead of asking, am I a bad person? Try asking yourself this. Am I protecting my peace? Am I acting in alignment with my healing? And that's okay to do. Absolutely. It's not wrong. It's actually right. It's the right thing to do is to have peace and love and be peace and love and heal these wounds we have, right? Flip that script.
  
  (05:00)
  So here's where we start breaking the cycle for good, rebuilding yourself. Trust this. A lot of you have this issue I did too, right? Rebuilding after you've gone through abuse and been betrayed. Okay? So there's three key steps you can do. There may be more, but these are some good starters. Okay? Number one, a daily check-in. So one of the tools I swear by, and you may have heard it already, I talk about it a lot, I love it. It's simple, but really, really successful is a hell yes, hell no list. So you can write down what feels good in your body and life and what drains you. Writing it down is huge. Don't just think about it, write it down. When you make choices from that list, you start training your brain to trust your own signals again. So if you're writing what's really working, be very honest in this exercise, what's really working the hell yes side and then what is not working and then making a decision based off either side.
  
  (06:16)
  It can be like the hell yes list. Maybe you have been making occasional even self-care going to get your nails done or taking a relaxing bath. You could even do something to that effect. Adding more of that, right? Making that choice going, Hey, I know that makes me happy when I do that, so why don't I try to do more? And then you'll notice, of course you will end up feeling better and better. You take even more steps to exercise a little bit every day, get your body moving, whatever it is, you'll know that you trusted yourself enough to give yourself more of that self-care. Then on the other side, which I feel like a lot of my clients and myself, when I started, I loved getting those hell nos off the list. So making choices to get rid of the hell nos. One of mine was even just let's say, so look, I cut a narcissist out of my life and then I realized I had a couple friends that were also controlling.
  
  (07:26)
  Maybe I won't go as far as narcissists, but there were traits, but also just controlling, manipulative. I kind of felt like I to, I was almost afraid of them in a way. I had to answer the phone. So one of my big things for me, my hell no, was I feel like I always have to answer to people on the phone in general. So I'm going to stop doing that. Do you know what a lifesaver that was? And I realized I was in touch. I paid attention to my body, listened to my body, like that visceral reaction when the phone would ring and I'd be like, oh God, but I'm doing this, but I have to answer. Or they might get mad at me or this or that. So paying attention to my body, saying, my body's telling me it speaks to you. So listen to your body.
  
  (08:12)
  My body's telling me that this isn't healthy, that I'm making myself at a beck and call to people. So that helped me. I mean, there's many, many more things on the list that helps you build the self-trust. But that even shows, right? You can start to be like, oh, I listen to my body and now look, I feel so much better. And that reinforces your self-trust. And that's a small example, but hopefully you get it. Okay. Number two, nervous system regulation. So again, listening to that body, the nervous system is a very big symbol of how we are mentally, physically, and spiritually. So when fear or doubt pops up, your body doesn't always know the difference between actual danger and discomfort or what it thinks is danger. So a quick grounding practice can put your hand over your heart, take a slow breath in through your nose, out your mouth.
  
  (09:18)
  It's called a halo breath and name one thing you know is true right now. What is true right now. And this helps your body calm down. So you can tell the difference between fear and intuition. And I teach you all my clients when we do one-on-one work, I teach you all of this stuff and we customize these exercises for you. So if you're like, that sounds great, but I don't really know what to say or do, we can work on the hell yes, hell no list together for you to really get clear for foundation. And then we also do these somatic healing exercises together. And then you get these tools that you can take on your own as well. So always look on ways to work with me one-on-one in the link in my show notes. Alright, number three, redefine normal. So one of my clients shared about not even knowing what a normal relationship looks like after her abuse. And I hear this, this is not the first time, but it's something I heard more recently again, and it's a good reminder. So let me say this. Normal doesn't mean perfect, but normal can mean, should mean safe, respectful, and consistent. And maybe you want to write those down. So if you are entering a new relationship in the future, or maybe you're in one now, depending where you are in your journey, safe, respectful, consistent.
  
  (11:02)
  If someone messes up, they apologize and they don't just apologize, okay? We're not going to take just words anymore. They must follow up with a changed behavior. So the people who apologize and give lip service but no changes next, and they don't give excuses, they might give a reason, but not excuse it, not be accountable. They show accountability and they make the changes. So that's a good start as the baseline. Okay? Safe, respectful, no name calling. There shouldn't be yelling. I will tell you right now, do my husband and I ever disagree? Yeah, we're literally opposites. He's an introverted, logical, just solid rock, right? I'm an A, DD, extroverted, wild, hyper nugget.
  
  (12:11)
  I am extra all around. Somehow he married me and we really balanced each other out. But do we have disagreements? Yes. Do we not understand each other at all? Sometimes? Yeah, but we are on the same team. We always feel like that we are always respectful to each other. We do not name call. We do not yell at each other. Do we raise our voices and frustration like any human here and there? Sure it's not frequent. We don't like it. We make up. We say sorry to each other. We say, I didn't like how that felt. Me neither. Okay?
  
  (12:52)
  And we're consistent. We consistently show up for each other and we're consistent in having conversations, talking openly. We're very communicative, solving problems together and moving on. And if someone messes up, they take accountability absolutely right away and we squash it. Alright? So here's the truth. The narcissist doesn't get the final word on your worth. They may have trained you to doubt yourself, but you now hold the key, that power to retrain your mind, your body, and your spirit. That's why I love doing this combination of talk therapy, all the mindset work and this somatic healing that just makes it so much more of a deeper, longer lasting. It just feels more for me. Once I added the somatic healing in my own journey, it was more like ingrained deeply and really true shifts. I felt like the mindset work was great, but sometimes that could slip and feel like ebbs and flows a little.
  
  (14:11)
  When you put the body work in, I feel like it's just more concrete in my experience. So every time that you trust your gut, every time you sit with the guilt and hold that boundary and remind yourself, peace is like it's your right, you deserve it. Say, I deserve peace. Say right now, I deserve peace. Go ahead. Thank you. Right? Every time you are chipping away and breaking the cycle for you, for your kids, the generational cycles. So if you take one thing from today's episode, let it be this. You're not broken, okay? Don't question yourself. You're becoming, and it's a practice. And the more you practice the self-trust and do these little exercises, the more unshakeable you'll feel. And if you want to really have true transformation, you are like, I am ready. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to walk in this journey of this new chapter and truly embody it.
  
  (15:26)
  Instead of just imagine what it would be like then check out my one-on-one coaching. We will rebuild that piece, that power and self-trust together, like I got you booboo. We're going to wear our crowns and shine them up while we do it. Okay? So reminder, Thursdays are my thrive. In five episodes, they're a little shorter and we do usually some sort of somatic wonder. So definitely make sure you're following right now. Go make sure you're following me on whatever platform you listen to me on because you don't want to miss any episodes. This is good shit. I am totally biased against, not against for, I was biased against myself for my podcast. This is my baby, and I cherish it and I want to help people through it. I'm kind of joking saying, oh, you can't miss an episode. But really I got some good stuff coming up.
  
  (16:29)
  I'm really excited for you. If you just found me. Hello, welcome. You can always email me and just say hello. My email's always in the show notes too, and working one-on-one, it's mind blowing. The work we do together is absolutely mind blowing, and your life will be forever changed. It will. I have never had a client not have impeccable, impeccable, lasting change that I've worked with. So please come sign up one-on-one. Let's do this and keep your crown on. Keep your sparkle shining. You look so good in glitter. Okay? And I will see you on Thursday for the next episode.

How to Protect Your Peace from a Narcissist in 5 Minutes

Thu, 28 Aug 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Narcissists hate your peace—because when you’re calm, their control slips away. That’s why they poke and prod the moment you start to feel steady.

In this Thrive in Five, I’ll share:
✨ Why your calm threatens their power
✨ A quick somatic reset you can do in minutes
✨ How to guard your peace like the crown jewel it is 👑

📥 Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide

Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?
Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.
✨ Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250

🛠️ Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?

Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.
Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:

✅ Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake Session
This 90-minute session is for the woman who’s serious about healing and wants to explore working together in a deeper way. It’s not designed as a one-off quick fix—but rather a powerful first step for those considering the monthly or 3-month coaching containers. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure which path to take next, this session is for you.
💻 Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

✅ 1-Month Private Coaching Container
Includes weekly coaching, somatic tools, and in-between support to help you regulate, reset, and start rebuilding trust with yourself.

💻 Learn more:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

✅ 3-Month Transformational Coaching Package
This is the most supportive and spacious container I offer. We’ll dive deep into emotional healing, nervous system support, boundary work, and personal empowerment so you can rise fully in your peace and power.

💻 Apply here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Welcome to your Thrive in five. This is your five minute pause from the chaos, the guilt trips, and the narcissist, endless drama bombs. All right, so take a breath queen. This one is for you all tied up in a little bow just for you. Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Today. We are going to talk about why the narcissists hate your piece a little bit, but more importantly, how to guard it quickly. We're going to do a little somatic tooling today. If you want to go deeper in, if you did not already listen to Tuesday's episode, please go listen to that as well. And you could save this and come back to it. Maybe listen to that first, or if you just have a few minutes, definitely try out this tool and save the other podcast because they go hand in hand every Tuesday, Thursday.

(01:04)
We've got two little buddy episodes. Okay, so here's the thing. When you're calm and you're at peace, right? And you might be getting there right now, you might be feeling it, but when you're truly there, you are untouchable. You're unshakeable. Your nervous system stops reacting to their chaos and their power then slips through their fingers. So if you're starting to feel emboldened, you're starting to feel independent, you're starting to feel like you are getting out or are out of their web. Finally, they will show up. That's why they poke, they prod, they stir up the conflict because you're finding peace and they don't like it. Again, I touched on that a lot more deeply in Tuesday's episode, but here's what they don't know. Peace can be practiced and it can be guarded. So this is something you can absolutely get, even if you're not totally there yet, you can practice it and then you can guard it and maintain it.

(02:19)
And obviously working with me one-on-one is the best way to do that. I'll always put my how to work with me one-on-one options in my show notes. That is going to be your best way to get the transformation. I mean, hey, I'm going to pat myself on my back. These episodes, these podcasts, they are great. They got some good tools. I really try to give a lot of free information, but I cannot talk to each one of you in a customized way through this podcast, which I would love to do, but I can't do it. So that's where the one-on-one real true, deep, long lasting transformation works where we do somatic healing, mindset work, everything, right? So today's tool, we'll do a quick nervous system reset right now. So step one, you're going to place both feet firmly on the floor, right? You get grounded, baby, you look good, grounded as you inhale, imagine breathing in the calm.

(03:20)
And you could put a color. I love to make a golden light. Anything calm for me? You could make it light blue. You could make a no color as long as you're feeling calm when you're breathing it in. So the inhales, you're going to do that. And when you exhale, you're going to imagine sending chaos, that chaotic feeling out of your body, whatever that feels like, looks like it could be. You have tension and draw, sending that out. I like to shoot it up out of my crown chakra. I imagine that going straight up and out. Get the hell out of here, right? So you can do two breaths like this in through the nose and out through wherever you want to shoot it out. Okay? Step two. Then we make gentle fists with both hands. And you're going to squeeze for five seconds and then you're going to release. And the key is to really focus and feel the difference between when you squeeze, squeeze, feel the tension, right? Feel what that feels like. It's tense, kind of hurts, not so comfortable and release. What does that feel like? Lighter. Ah, peaceful. That's your body. Remembering it as a choice. You have a choice of squeezing, you have a choice of letting go. Okay? Number three, place one hand over that little heart, little beater of yours and repeat after me. My piece is mine. I don't hand it over and then say it twice more.

(05:19)
Your piece is yours. You get to choose. Are you going to give that to this mofo? Heck no. Not anymore. No ma'am. There's a new queen in town. Okay? So these are some simple steps, but every time you practice these steps together, you are training your body to stay loyal to you, not to what? To their chaos. When they have you under their thumb, you are loyal to them and their chaos. We don't have time for that anymore. No, we don't have the energy or the desire. So you're going to start staying loyal to you and your peace. Okay? Your piece is sacred, and that might sound hokey or dramatic, but it is. Your piece is your lifeline. Am I right? Am I right? Yeah. So you have to guard it. You have to guard it. No one else is going to guard your peace.

(06:21)
Like you will guard it when you're ready. Are you ready? Good. If you're ready, let's work together. Let's get real ready. Link in the notes. Alright, that's your Thrivent five. Go sip your tea, adjust your beautiful shiny crown. And remember this too, guys, okay? The calmer you are, the more peace you are, the less control they'll have. The calmer you are, the less control they will have. And isn't that what we want? So when you feel triggered or you want to just bite back at something, they said, remember, any attention or any energy you give them gives them control.

(07:07)
That's not what we want. What do you want? You want peace. Don't worry about what they have and don't have. And you got to now that you know you're going to tell them off, or you don't need to do any of that, you win when you have peace. So always think, is this going to give me more peace? My reaction? And as you know, the Gray Rock Method is the biggest peace giver if you have to deal with a narcissist, gray rock method. I have two episodes, I believe on that. Okay? So you guys have a beautiful rest of your week. And don't forget, every Tuesday is the normal episode and every Thursday is the Thrive in five Somatic Tools to Accompany Tuesday's episodes. So again, all my information will always be in the notes, how to work with me, my email, if you have questions about anything or you just want to reach out, say hello. I love it. I love you guys. I love getting notes from you. And then anything related to the podcast, if I mention another episode, I'll usually try to link it in there. And always the transcript is there as well. If you miss something or you listening and you want to just go read about it. Alright, I'll see you the next episode. Smooches and Deuces, keep that chin up, babe.

Why Narcissists Hate Your Peace (And How to Guard It Anyway)

Tue, 26 Aug 2025 06:00:00 -0400

💬 Episode Description (Show Notes):

Why do narcissists hate your peace so much? In this episode, Christy breaks down why your calm threatens their control, the sneaky ways they try to shake it, and simple tools to guard your peace like the crown jewel it is. ✨

📥 Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide

Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?
Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.
✨ Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250

🛠️ Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?

Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.
Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:

✅ 1-Month Private Coaching Container
Includes weekly coaching, somatic tools, and in-between support to help you regulate, reset, and start rebuilding trust with yourself.
💻 Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

TRANSCRIPT

Why does it feel like every time you finally get calm, the narcissist in your life stirs up that drama? Today I'm sharing why your piece is such a threat to them and the exact tools you can use to guard it like the crown jewel. It is. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. All right, so why do these narcissists hate our peace so much? First of all, they survive on control, drama, and emotional chaos. So your piece means they are losing their influence on you, right? They want to shake you up. They want to keep you chaotic in your brain. So think of it like this. Your piece is evidence that you know longer need them. Again, your piece is evidence that you no longer need them and that terrifies them. Their ego, you know how big their egos are, okay? Their ego feeds on reaction. So that could be angers, tears defending yourself, but silence and calm. That starves them. It starves their ego, it starves that needing to be fed that they have, right? So how did they attack your piece? You probably know, but we'll go through a few little examples. First, there's the drama bombs, right? The sudden emergencies, which we talked about last week. Even with the texting, they exaggerate things, say they're emergencies. Things are important when you're finally relaxing. Of course the text barrages, right? So they're endless messages when you've gone no contact or gray rock. So if you haven't blocked 'em and you can still see you just aren't responding or writing to them at all, you could definitely end up with a lot of messages. They get very compulsive about it. Basically desperate to get a response from you, right? The guilt trips, this could be you've changed or you don't care about family or you don't care about whatever anymore, right? These guilt trips, when they see a change to make you feel bad about that change, by the way, don't feel bad about that change, right? And the lovely smear campaigns. So this is stirring others up against you when you won't react to them directly. So this is designed to pull you out of calm because in peace you can think clearly. They don't like that because clear thinking means their mask can slip, you can outsmart them. We have a podcast on how to outsmart narcissists. It can be done not when you're under their spell, not when you're in their control. But when you are coming out of that, when you are on the other side, you can think clearly, you think like a new person and therefore you can see beyond their mask. In other words, they don't have that control. So how do you guard your piece? Alright, here's one tool, the breathe in anchor tool, okay? This is grounding. This is feet flat on the ground, deep breath in, slower breath out, focusing on your breathing and say to yourself, this is one of my favorite phrases in the world and we're adding it with a little breath work right now because it such a joyous combo. Alright? You've probably heard it if you haven't, write it down. Not my circus, not my monkeys. They are not your circus. It's not your monkeys, it's not your drama, right? Oh, disconnect yourself from it. Breathing. You could do halo breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth. You can repeat this over and over to empower you more and more. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Alright? Number two, tech boundaries. You can mute your notifications if you can't block them or don't want to. For whatever reason. You can use the do not disturb mode and remind yourself just because they message, I want you to hear this, all of you in the back. Just because they message does not mean you must answer. It doesn't. There isn't urgency unless there is a life situation or your child needs to be picked up immediately. Something like that. Other than that, pause that mofo, mute it, look at it, put it in a drawer. Go take a breather. Go anchor your feet down and scream about circus and monkeys. Alright, number three, energetic boundaries. Let's picture a lovely crown of light on your head. Maybe it could, I don't know, look like a golden crown. Okay? Protecting your mind from their words. So really, if you can't visualize, just think it. I know some of you aren't visual, I'm very visual, so it's hard for me to relate to that part. But however you are able to create something in your mind, think of it as there is a protection there. There's a barrier. And if you are visual, imagine it being a golden crown, golden light, whatever around your head, full of peace, protecting from their bullshit and visualize or think of their chaos bouncing off that energy field, bouncing off the clickety clank of your crown. Okay? Yeah, those energetic boundaries. And four, permission to rest. You do not need to defend your peace to anybody, okay? You don't need to defend it to anyone. You don't need to explain it. You don't need to have a second thought about it. You deserve to have peace. That's it. That's your right. It is your right to have peace. Even if you've had chaos your whole damn life or your whole damn relationship with this person, it's time that ends. You want peace, you got it. And guarding your peace, it's not selfish. They're going to guilt trip you. They're going to make all the reasons, either it's hurt them or it's hurt someone else, right? Oh, you're different and oh, no one likes you. Now who knows? They say it all. It is survival for you. I give you full permission for you to rest. Rest your mind, rest your body. Protect yourself. Okay? So your peace is power. And maybe you're not used to having that power or maybe you're starting to feel it come back, but that's the proof that you're healing, that you're breaking free, that their grip, their terror grip is gone. And that's exactly why narcissists hate it and exactly why you must guard it. Okay, let's say that again. It's exactly why narcissists hate it, which is exactly why you must guard it. Okay? So if you want more tools like this, if you have not gotten my boundaries pocket guide, that's always linked in my show notes, goodbye Gil Boundaries, okay? And if you want to go deeper, if you really want transformation, and my schedule, I will tell you guys is blowing up right now. So if you want to get in, act quickly, click the link and we will have our first one-on-one session. So I either do it where we have one, one-on-one, which will be two further, basically like an intake session. It's an hour and a half kind of deep dive. And then we'll go into whatever program you want to sign up for. And there is the monthly program, there's the three month program. If you already know you want one of those, you can just sign up directly for that and we can use your first session as an intake. So basically you get a little discount because we'll go extra on your first one hour session. We'll go longer than that since you're signing up ahead of time for a month or three months, one month at a time. It's great if you're tiptoeing in and you're like, yeah, I know I want to transform. I know I'm ready to do this work, but you're just like a little, huh, three months, that's like you are going to be unrecognizable in three months in a good way. You are at the F this, I'm over this, I'm done feeling like this and I need peace. I want to feel that peace because we can listen to all this stuff and we can definitely use some of these tools ourselves. But having someone holding you accountable that you're checking in with every week and customized to your situation is a lot different. You're going to get deeper transformation. We do somatic healing, and I should have mentioned that at the beginning. We do somatic healing. It's not just the advice, it's taking the body healing as well. So you're getting the advice on your specific situation. And then we're using somatic tools to make that lasting change that goes beyond mindset. That can sometimes slip back when you are changing your bodies, actual what it remembers and changing that and turning the wiring around, creating new stories, creating more confidence, creating self-trust through the body. That's when big shit happens. That's when you wear the double crowns. So if you're interested in that, the links again are always on my show notes. If you have any questions, my email's there too. You can be like, Christie, I don't know what to do. Or you want to know, what do you mean by somatic healing? I've talked about it here, but if you want me to lay anything out in an email for you, email me or go sign up and let's do it. Alright? And we have fun. I mean this is healing work, but it can also be hella fun and hella empowering, right? It's me you're working with. Yeah, you can do all the work you want, but you haven't done it with Christie. Alright, so that's it. A little longer than oh, 12 minutes. Not too bad. I felt like I was blabbing a little bit at the end there, but another episode, there it is, 12 minutes. Don't forget, Thursdays are thrive in five. So make sure you're following my podcast. So you get notifications that, hey, the gang's all here and we're going to sing about narcissism. Narcissism. I can't sing talk right now. So yes, definitely. Please also share this with anyone that is going through this that so I can help more people. And speaking of helping more people, I might do a separate episode just to quickly blurb this, you guys, I really could use your help. I could use your help helping more women. And it takes you literally 30 seconds. You just go down, scroll down to if you're on Apple, scroll all the way down on my main show page and there is the review section. You click five stars, you write, Christie is amazing, I love her golden crown, she's the bomb. Say whatever you want to say. Hopefully nice things. Click submit. You are done. And that helps my algorithm reach more women so you essentially can help more women in your situation. So help me them, help everybody. So glad you found me. Are you glad you found me? You're sitting here listening, so I guess so. So imagine if you can help get more women to get help and get answers in their life when they're struggling. So I'd appreciate that so much. And that's about it. Thrive in five on Thursday. I think I kind of a ddd on that. Thrive in five on Thursdays is basically in five or so minutes. Usually a somatic experience of breath work or visualization meditation, a little pep talk, whatever it is related to Tuesdays episodes. So it's a little complimentary episode that's quick and I know a lot of you're loving them. I've gotten a lot of comments recently that you save those and you go back to them and they're just so digestible when you might not have the time for a full episode. So yeah, it enjoy my free Facebook group because damn Gina, why not? It's going to be full of other lovely ladies like you. And I do some funny memes, I do some videos, I always put my podcast episodes. I post 'em up there and I might try to start doing some group like lives in there where we can chat. So check that out and I'll see you in the next one. Bye.

How to Handle Narcissist Texts in Minutes (Without Losing Your Peace)

Thu, 21 Aug 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Narcissists love sending ‘urgent’ texts to hijack your peace. In this episode, Christy explains why they do it and how to shut it down fast—so you can stay calm, confident, and in control

🛠️ Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?
Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.
Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:

✅ Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake Session
💻 Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

✅ 1-Month Private Coaching Container
💻 Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

✅ 3-Month Transformational Coaching Package
💻 Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

🔗 Related Episodes You’ll Love:

🎧 Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Help
👉 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120

✨ Follow Christy on Instagram →
https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. All right, queen, let's talk about that moment. Your phone dings and suddenly your peace is gone. It's the narcissist and the message is urgent. Or at least they say it is. Maybe it's call me now or it's an emergency, or it's important answer or even as low as the kids need. You sound familiar? Well, here's what you need to know. Those out of nowhere or urgent type texts are rarely about real emergencies. They're about control. A narcs favorite word. Alright? So a narcissist wants you to yank out of your calm, especially if you're doing well, you're moving on. Ooh, that irks them, right? They want to spike your anxiety and test if they still have access to you, if you're still going to take the bait, if you're still going to respond.

Why Narcissists Text You Out of Nowhere (And How to Shut It Down)

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Your phone dings. It’s the narcissist.
“Emergency.”
“Call me now.”
“Why are you ignoring me?”

These out-of-nowhere texts aren’t random — they’re tactics to pull you back into chaos.

In this episode, Christy shares:
🔥 Why narcissists drop “urgent” messages
📱 The most common manipulations (fake emergencies, guilt trips, drama bombs)
🚪 How to shut it down without losing your peace

✨ Resources + Ways to Work With Me

👑 Free Boundaries Pocket Guide
Grab your quick-start guide to boundaries that actually stick → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Monthly Package → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

3-Month Transformational Coaching → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

Email me with questions: fiercemamac@gmail.com

🎧 Free Private Support Facebook Group
Come join the community and connect with other women who get it → https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

💻 Self-Paced Empowered Boundaries Course
10 modules, scripts, meditations + lifetime access → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Grey Rock Method Episode:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776

TRANSCRIP

Speaker 1 (00:02):

Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christy wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:01)
Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. I'm Christie. This is your guide to reclaiming peace, protecting your sex ass power and thriving, not just surviving after narcissistic abuse. And today we're going to talk about one of the sneakiest and most triggering tactics. Narcissists love to use. I've been through it myself. The random out of nowhere texts, if you're co-parenting, you've lived this probably a hundred times. If you're not, you may still deal with it. Pretty sure you have the Hoover text. These little attempts are sometimes big to reel you back in. But either way, the goal for them is the same, to control you, to control your focus and hijack your emotions. So why do they do this? Why? It's mind blowing Because we don't think like them. So it's very hard for us to understand why would someone do this? The lengths they will go and the things they will do, it's not cool.

(02:10)
So let's break down the psychology first. Narcissists crave what? Control. That's our biggest thing I talk about all the time, right? I should drink every time I hear myself say the word control on this podcast and supply. So they want control and they want supply, right? Feeding their ego, feeding, grabbing your energy, whatever. So when you've created this distance, that loss of control burns them. So they're burning up the fact that you've created a distance in the first place. We kind of know that the random texting is a way to test. Can I still get her attention? Even if it's bad attention, can I still spark that reaction? Right? So it's never about the communication. It's not really about whatever they're asking you or egging you to respond to. It's about power and intrusion, intrusion on your mind, intrusion on your soul in whatever way they can.

(03:21)
Okay? So think about it. Healthy people don't send a three word emergency text at 9:00 PM at 10:00 PM, 11, whatever. That's manipulation. It's not communication. A healthy person would say, Hey, I'm at the hospital with Mindy. Such and such happened. You may want to get over here, or whatever the thing is, right? Looks a little different than the narcissist who dangles what we call a carrot. So you are forced them to react and respond, okay? So that's why. What are the tactics they use? So here are the classics I see over and over. Number one, fake emergencies. Good example. Call me now. Something's wrong with the kids. They'll even pull them into it. But even just call me now by itself. Call me now. I need you to talk. I need you to answer or pick up the phone. I need you to pick up the phone.

(04:26)
It's important. It's an emergency. This urgent, urgent way of speaking. And nine times out of 10, it's something minor. So they could say something, it has to do with the kids. And then you call and it's like, oh, their homework was late, right? Something. They'll find anything they have to bait you. Number two, the drama drops. Just you won't believe what happened. You don't believe what just happened to me or not even to me. You just won't believe what just happened. They're baiting you into a spiral. They know that's going to get your curiosity peaked. And even though they're trying to control that curiosity, that satisfy their need for that supply, and in their mind they're like, oh, she, he on this podcast. It's she usually, but she cares still because she's curious. When I put something out there, she wants to know because I must matter to her somewhat.

(05:32)
And even if I don't, I still have control of her. It's so gross. Alright, number three, guilt trips disguised as urgency. So example, I don't know why you're ignoring me. This is important. They'll be like, oh, all I want to do is just share this information with you. I'm just trying to help you out. Right? Whatever. It's guilt, it's manipulation, mixed with urgency. The translation of that is I want control. It's not about resolution. So learning these things will help you. Okay? And number four, the Hoover check-ins. Hoover, right? That's the vacuum. If you don't know about hoovering, think I have an episode somewhere. I'll try to remember to link below the, Hey, just thinking about you, or I was just reminiscing about the old days. My husband actually has an ex who would hoover over text messages. Oh, I was just thinking about this thing we did together or this item I got.

(06:47)
It's designed to stir up nostalgia and suck you back in. They know what they're doing, guys, right? Every single one of these things is about knocking you off your feet so they can grab you, pick you up and stuff 'em inside to feed their supply and let them feel control. So that's all lovely. Let's get how to shut it down. So this is the part where you get to put on your crown, shine it up, and take that power back. Alright? Number one, first things first, guys, don't do shit until you pause, pause, pause, pause. Before you reply, if you even have to reply, can we first please talk about, I know if you're co-parenting, you feel like you have to reply. I hope by now, if you've been listening to my podcast, there are options to deal with certain apps. And that way it's like you can even, I believe, have your attorney on there if you have an attorney, right? Like a third party. But apps are a great way. You keep it very emotionless to the point. Don't take their bait and it is documented. So sometimes they'll be on better behavior because it's being documented like that on an app and they're more aware of it. So it helps. Sometimes they don't give a shit because they're narcissists and rules don't always apply to them in their heads.

(08:24)
But either way, you have it documented. So if you do need to go to court, if you do need to prove something, you've got everything there and it's all in one spot. I love those apps. So anyway, pause before you reply. If my whole point is if you have to reply, if it's something not related to your child or something that is truly you feel like you need to respond to, don't reply. Your first reaction is usually the one they're fishing for. They know how to get under your skin and you're going to grow. You're going to get out of that space where you feel like that even initially. But you might be, I'm thinking if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably in the space where you might still get triggered. They know how to trigger you. They know you will get triggered. They've seen it before. You fall prey to it in the past so they know they can get you, okay, but not if you practice pausing, breathing. Okay, wait. Number two, fact check ask, is this truly urgent? Is this truly urgent?

(09:38)
If it's not about the kid's safety or a true emergency, it can wait. If they bait you and they say it's about the kids. As a parent, I get it. We need to say, what is it? If they say, oh, the doggy ate or homework or whatever trash they're trying to trick you with, you stop responding. Don't feed them. Don't say, see, why would you do that? Don't get worked up. Don't react. Just don't respond. The more gray rocking you do with these people, the better. I have Gray Rock episodes too, okay? Gray Rock Method is great for this type of behavior. Number three, respond but don't react. There's a difference. I'm going to say that again. Respond. Don't react. There is a difference. So keep it short, neutral business-like gray Rock all over the place. Gray rock basically means what it says, right? You're a gray rock.

(10:28)
You're blending in, you're just neutral. You're just there. Example, noted, I'll address this when I'm able or if oh, homework was eaten. You can say, noted. You literally don't give them anything. Don't show emotion. Don't go into questions. Why would you send this? Why are you acting like it's an emergent? Nope. Don't give them anything. Don't explain. Don't justify next. You start doing this, it's going to be great. And the last one, boundaries with tech, right? Silence. Notifications. This is hard. Again, especially if you're co-parenting, it's about your kids. You're not going to silence your notifications unless if you have your kids with you. But I understand when the ex is taking care of your children, yes, we want those notifications on, you can use apps or tools to keep those co-parenting communications in one place. Like I said, and remember, you decide when and how you engage.

(11:40)
Obviously we know there's certain things, like I said, those emergencies. But in general, you can do this to yourself. I mean the drama, you're part of the chaos. If you are giving them back chaos, if you are escalating, if you are getting triggered, I get it. We're going to get triggered. Go let it out somewhere else. Go scream into a pillow, go do some kickboxing. Go run around the neighborhood. Don't give it to them, okay? Don't give it to them. So you could also do a mindset reset, right? The truth is a text is just pixels on a screen. It can't jump up inside your body and hijack your piece unless what you let it. And I know that's easier said than done. I get that part. I do. But thinking about that's starting to chip away to the point where you can actually take that control back where you can actually feel like, you know what? I'm not going to let this person just type words to me. They're going to take over my whole freaking nervous system. We're not going to do it anymore. Okay? I'm not saying it might not be overnight, but start having that mindset, right?

(12:57)
Really zoom out. And when you start to feel that panic rise, do the pausing. Remind yourself this is a tactic. I'm not required to participate. Say it. This is a tactic I am not required to participate. And those of you co-parenting, your kids need a mom who is calm and steady. You are the freaking lifeboat. Is that the word? Why is that sound weird? Lifeboat. I guess I haven't said that word in a while. Not the one reacting to every ding from the narcissist, right? These kids, let's be honest, they got it sucky already that they've got a parent who's a narcissist. It's not your fault, okay? We're not taking blame, but it is what it is. So yes, you do need to be the bigger person because we know the narc isn't. So you need to be the level-headed one, and you deserve a life where your peace is the default.

(14:01)
It's not just about these kids that helps us do things. That's great motivation because a lot of us do not self care very well after abuse, during abuse, but you do deserve peace. I know you want it. Peace is sexy. I'm going to make a T-shirt line. Peace is sexy. So the next time that phone lights up out of nowhere, I want you to remember, you are in control of your responses, your time, your energy. You can't control what they're doing or not doing or sending or not sending or how they're saying it. And why don't give them any more of your energy and time like that unless it's an emergency and you get the facts, you figure it out, solve the problem.

(14:54)
And if you need more help setting boundaries and have not gotten my free boundaries pocket guide. I mean, how cute does that even sound? Cute little boundaries. I will put it in the show notes. There is the link and how to work with me. If you're like, I want to be the baddest boundary bitch out there and I want to feel calm and I want to feel safe, and I want my kids to have a better life. I'm ready to fucking transform. Then look at the ways to work with me. That's where the true magic happens. I'm biased. Yeah, because I'm awesome. I will link that too. But you've got this. Okay, you got it. You're a queen. Keep shining and sparkling anytime. You know what? Let's do this. Anytime you get a text from this narc, unless it's an emergency or something very urgent, you have to respond to, I want you to pick up your hand, flick it like you are throwing sparkle all over that shit.

(15:56)
And instead of it being negative, you're going to override it with your damn sparkle. Okay? All right. I think that sounds great. I'm going to start doing that with everybody. I've been on the phone too much. Just, you know how you know, I don't know if you guys talk on the phone or not. I am a phone talker with my best friends, but sometimes I get drained. It's just too much for me, and I'm in that mode. I go through levels where I'm like, I don't want to be anywhere near a phone and then I'm back to normal. I'm in a phase right now where I want to just not, so I'm going to start throwing sparkles at my phone. Imaginary sparkles or maybe real ones. All right, well, I will see you in the next episode. Don't forget, Thursday we are going to have a related Thrive in five episode.

(16:43)
It's a much shorter episode usually. Basically doing some sort of somatic healing, visual meditation, breath work, all the things. So we will do one related to this. We'll do a special little one related to when you get text. So you don't want to miss that. So, oh, sorry, my thing got all messed up. My recorder. So you have to follow this. If you're not following my podcast, please take 30 seconds, follow it. It also helps my algorithm. So help me help you help spread all this fun to all the women of the world. And what was the other thing?

(17:28)
Yes. Oh yeah, that's all. You just have to follow it. That's it. You just got to follow. So you get the notifications and of course share. If you know someone going through this shit like you are, share, share, share sharing is caring. We want this whole ness needs to just uhuh. They need to be pounded into the holes of the ground and hidden forever. But since that's not maybe going to happen, we at least know how to navigate them so they can't get away with all the bullshit they get away with. The more you shine the light on these people, the harder it is going to be for all of them to survive in this world. So I'm here for watching us, win us, shine our crowns and them stick in their own little sticky ass nasty spider web of crap, right? So they can text us from there. And we're going to throw some glitter on it. All right, see you the next one.

Quick Trauma Bond DISCONNECTION

Thu, 14 Aug 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Episode Description (Show Notes):

Feeling the urge to text, check their social, or replay old memories? That’s not love, Queen—that’s the trauma bond talking. In this quick Thrive in 5, Christy shares a 3-minute reset you can use any time those cravings hit so you can calm your body, clear your mind, and take back your power.

Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide
Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?
Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.
Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250

Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?
Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.
Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:

Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake Session
Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

1-Month Private Coaching Container
Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

3-Month Transformational Coaching Package
Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

Related Episodes You’ll Love:

Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Help
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120

Follow Christy on Instagram →
https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Are you feeling the urge to text, check their social or replay old memories of yours? That's not love queen. That is trauma bonding. It is that trauma bond talking to you in this quick Thrive in five. It's going to be very quick today. I share a three minute reset. You can use anytime those cravings hit so you can calm your body, clear your mind, and take back your sexy ass power. Alright? So this is going to be a short, powerful pause in your week to reset your nervous system, protect that peace bubble. It's looking good on you, by the way, and keep you moving forward in this healing journey. So if you've ever felt that pull to check their social or just one more time, read an old text. That's not love, right? It's not that aeration and good feelings. It can feel desperate, it can feel sad.

(00:59)
All these icky feelings because that's not really love. That's the trauma bond. And Tuesday, I talked all about it. If you have not listened to Tuesday's episode, it is all about this. So definitely listen to this and then I will go back. Or maybe you want to go back and listen to that first. Either way, make sure you find that episode. And the truth about it is your brain is hooked on those little tiny dopamine hits. Again, I talk all about the dopamine on Tuesday's episode, but it can be love bombing and relief after the chaos. It is an up and down cycle, right? So the trick is to break that loop before your brain convinces you to go back.

(01:44)
So we're going to do a three minute reset for when the urge hits. Okay? So first we're going to name it out. Say this, right? When you get that urge, you go, this is a trauma bond. Not love, not my soulmate. This is just a bond I'm breaking. So naming it takes away some of its power, especially if you say it out loud. I am so big on saying shit out loud Queens. Number two, ground your body feet flat on the floor. Okay? You look around, this is kind of an orientation thing. You look around, name three blue things. Pick any color that you see. You could take it a step further depending how long you want it to be with sense or textures, feeling whatever you need to do. But you can quickly do three blue things, right? It brings your body back to the present where you are safe.

(02:50)
You need a bubble. Number three, breathe to reset your nervous system. So you could do a halo breath in through the nose for four seconds, hold it for four, exhale for six. You're adding on an extra two seconds to really release to get everything out and all that nasty, gross opposite of dopamine. Crusty ass drama, bonding. We're going to release it in that exhale, right? You do this three times. Inhale four, hold for four, exhale six. If you want to pick five for all three to make it easier, it's fine. There's no right or wrong in this. Okay? So you could do inhale five, hold for five. Exhale for five, okay? Feel your shoulders drop, your chest loosen, and your mind clear. By the time you finish, that craving will feel smaller and you feel like the strong ass queen that you are. And if you want it to get even better, do it twice.

(03:51)
Name the thing again. Ground your body. Do the breath work. Do it as much as you want to. The more you do it, the better you feel. That sounds like, do you remember that song? The More You? Oh, that was like, the more you fart. Oh my gosh, I'm like a 16-year-old boy. The more you fart, the better you feel. So eat Your Beans with Every Meal. Do you guys remember that weird song? Where'd that come from? I'm a 1980 baby. So some of you in that era may remember. Alright? So just remember, every time you choose you over that toxic pull, you are rewiring your brain for that freedom. That peace. Okay? So save this episode and the next time the urge hits, if you need a little guidance here, just play it. Or if you can remember these three things, write 'em down on a Post-it note, put it on your mirror.

(04:42)
And also you can grab My Free Boundaries Pocket guide. Yes, I love boundaries. It's one of my favorite words. I have a Free Boundaries pocket guide, and that is in the show notes always. Or if you want to go deeper transformational shit, like who the hell are you? You Queen. At the end of working with me, look at the options to work with me. We have this intro call, but if you know, just want to jump into transformation and you're like, I already know. I love you, queen. Thank you, thank you. We can do a month long or we can do what a lot of my clients do because they want to really do the work. And that's the three month I'm showing up for myself, and I'm going to come out in three months and not recognize myself in the best of ways. So all the links are in the show notes. You got this. And give yourself a hug for showing up for yourself today. All right, see you in the next step.

Breaking the Trauma Bond: What Keeps You Hooked (And How to Finally Break Free)

Tue, 12 Aug 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Breaking the Trauma Bond: What Keeps You Hooked (And How to Finally Break Free)

Episode Description (Show Notes):

You left… but you still feel hooked.
You blocked them… but you still think about them.
You know they were toxic… so why does part of you miss them?

Welcome to the trauma bond.

In this episode, Christy breaks down:
What a trauma bond really is
Why you feel addicted to someone who hurt you

The exact steps to finally unhook and come back to YOU

If you’ve ever felt confused, ashamed, or obsessed after narcissistic abuse—this is your wake-up call (and your soft place to land). 💕

Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide

Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?

Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.
Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:

Related Episodes You’ll Love:

Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Help
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120

Stay Connected:

email: fiercemamac@gmail.com

Follow Christy on Instagram →

https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

How to Calm Your Body After Ending a Narcissistic Friendship

Thu, 07 Aug 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Leaving a narcissistic friend can leave your nervous system on edge—even if your mind knows you made the right call.

In this Thrive in Five, I’ll walk you through a quick somatic tool to:
✨ Ground yourself in the moment
✨ Release tension + melt stress away
✨ Remind your body it’s safe to choose peace

💜 Work With Me 1:1 – One Month: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Today's Thrive Thrivent five is exciting. I'm really excited about this. It's a somatic tool for leaving a narcissistic friend. You're like, why is that exciting? I wish I had known the somatic aspects of this when I had a narcissistic friend that I left because it can really do a number on you. So leaving a narcissistic friend can be more challenging than you might expect. Your body feels the loss before your brain fully processes it, and the body remembers as we know. But today, I'm going to give you a quick somatic tool that you can use anytime that guilt or anxiety, whatever the ick feelings start creeping in. So the first step is grounding your body. So you can sit or stand with both feet flat on the floor and you feel the weight of your body pressing down. You're concentrating on that weight like roots growing into the earth. You're feeling them really weighing down, melting into the surface below them. The second step is orient to safety. So this is slowly turning your head to the right, slowly turning your head to the left. If you want to look up, down, just really slowly looking around being aware of your surroundings.

(01:50)
And when you've done that, you can name three things you see in the room or whatever space you're in, that feel either neutral or pleasant, right? So let me look around. I have this sparkly bag I just love, so I'm going to say rainbow sparkly bag, and it gives me a little lift, right? I'm going to look, Ooh, coral nail polish. Yes, queen. Love that color gives me big old joy. What else do I have in? I have my crown because I'm a queen. There's my crown, right? So orient to safety and you're noting things. This takes, it's like a distraction tactic in a way, but also you're uplifting yourself by looking for things that are at least neutral, if not positive things that bring you joy. Step three, soften those shoulders and your jaw, right? Narcissistic friendships can keep you in tension mode if you didn't notice, and it's time to detent ourselves.

(02:58)
So you exhale, do the inhale when you exhale, it's that exhaling drop, right? When we do our breath work, inhale, when you exhale, you let everything just kind of, I don't know. Today's theme is melting. Let's just melt everything, okay? And unc unclenching the jaw. You can even have the slack jaw where you might look real dumb, but nobody's watching right now. Okay, you're fine, you're good. Number four, self anchor with touch. So you could place a hand over your heart and the other over your belly. That's a very common yoga slash meditation stance, right? Keeping it there and feeling the warmth of your hands, the weight of your hands, letting them melt into your body. And this is not just comforting, but it's also you showing up for yourself, which when we've gone through narcissistic abuse, the self-trust can dissipate, right? So I'm like, yeah, I'm here. I'm here, queen, I'm here for you. I'm here for you self. I'm okay. And step five, repeat your permission phrase so you can tailor this to what you want, but I'll give an example and you can say it in your head or out loud. I'm a big fan of talking to myself out loud. I feel like it just imprints more. But you could keep your hands to heart. Whatever feels good. I am safe to choose peace, and I do not need to carry guilt for protecting myself.

(04:46)
Say it with your queen attitude. I am safe to choose peace. I do not need to carry guilt for protecting myself. When we say it out loud too, sometimes it helps us see how ridiculous that is. Why do I feel guilty for protecting myself? No, ma'am. Not in this house. No. All right. So those are five steps. Ground your body, orient to safety. Soften everything, melt it down. Self anchor with touch, and then repeat your permission phrase. I'm saying repeat it because you're supposed to say it more than once. Affirmations don't. Affirmations by now, if you do it for 21 days, you'll become a unicorn jumping over rainbows. It's true. So every time you feel pulled back into that friendship out of guilt or just habit even, right? You're used to this, give your body this reset. So save this episode. Somatic tools are not just for panic times either.

(05:53)
So whenever you feel like reclaiming your power, you could do this every morning. You could do this before bed, right? Any affirmations, any empowering stuff like this, you guys build it into your routine. Do it when you brush your teeth, you're already doing something there anyway. Just think it, because if you say it while you try to brush your teeth, it might come out like, I fish I carry. I go, no, that's a little crazy. But I guess we're a little crazy in here. Anyway. So in all seriousness, this is reclaiming your power, reminding yourself in your body, in your bones that it is safe to walk away our bodies. We've been conditioned to feel unsafe through the narcissist, and we're not here for that anymore. We're going to condition ourselves to be safe. Okay? So if you want to do deeper work, you can sign up for one month or three months of transformational, not just mindset work and talk therapy, but we're also doing the somatic body work because that combination is explosive.

(07:01)
If you have not listened to my rant about it in the last episode, go listen, you will learn more about it. But this is epic fascinating work. And if you want a true transformation, that's what you got to do. You have to put in the time and invest in yourself. And if you can't, that's okay. We have free shit like these podcasts. We have a free downloadable guide for boundaries, a little boundary setting guide. So I will link that free Facebook group. And if you want to truly customize your journey and a year from now say, holy hell, what just happened in a good way? Go click on the link to work one-on-one with me. There's two options, and for the three month, you actually have Voxer access in between our calls. These are once a week calls, and with the three month you get it's epic, okay?

(07:59)
You get Voxer access, which is a walkie-talkie app that I check at least every 48 hours, usually every 24, and we'll get back to you if you're just needing anything in between our calls. So that's a very popular choice for clients right now. These clients are ready to not just know how to navigate with the narcissist, that mindset stuff and all of that, how to deal this and how to do that. All the podcast stuff, there's some of that out there on the podcast. We can go deeper with the mindset work, but really they're ready for that body work too. To say, I want to recalibrate my body, my nervous system so that whatever comes at me, no matter what, I not just know what to say and do, but my body's here for it, and I will go in calm. I'm not going to get all of that stuff, all the anxiety, the swirling thoughts that is going to decrease monumentally. Okay? So if you're ready for that, I told you where I told you, it's in the show notes every time, all day, every day. So go sign up for either one month or three months and we will have a journey that will change your entire life. You're already a queen. You're going to be a queen with two crowns. Yeah, that's what happens at the end of it, you get two Crown Queen. Alright, I'll see you in the next episode. Have a beautiful weekend. Bye.

(11:54)
That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

How to Spot and Leave a Narcissist Friend ( Without the Guilt )

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 06:00:00 -0400

💎 Work With Me
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https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

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Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

🎧 Related Episodes You’ll Love:
The Grey Rock Method: How to Deal With a Narcissist
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776

Finding True Friendship as an Adult
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-19-finding-true-friendship-as-an-adult/id1662241353?i=1000608356800

Filling Your Friendship Cup After Narcissistic Abuse
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-20-filling-your-friendship-cup-after-narcissistic-abuse/id1662241353?i=1000608950715

---------------------------TRANSCRIPT-------------------------------

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:00)
Friendships feel safe, or at least they should, right? They're supposed to be the soft place to land, but when your friend is a narcissist, that soft place can turn into a minefield. It's confusing because there's no romance, no shared bills, no legal ties. I mean, sometimes there can be shared bills if you're living with them, but in general, it's not as enmeshed as a romantic partner or lifelong partner that you're married to. So you think, shouldn't it be easier to leave? But not always. You've got shared history, the inside jokes, mutual friends is a big one, and narcissists love to weaponize all of that to keep you stuck, right? We talk about that sticky spider web. They keep you in. They're really good at keeping you in the sticky web. So let's talk first how to spot a narcissist friend. So there aren't just friends.

(02:04)
These aren't friends with bad days or just quirks, right? These are patterns. You're looking for patterns. So what kind of patterns? One, it's always about them. Even your big moments, they redirect the spotlight somehow back to them, right? Another one. Number two, one sided emotional labor. So maybe you are their therapist, their cheerleader, their 3:00 AM crisis hotline, but maybe they're not as there for you. Maybe when you're reaching out, they nowhere to be found, right? That's a big no. The other thing is subtle digs and jealousy. This is the third backhanded compliments, undermining your wins or straight up competing with you, right? Little jealous comments. Number four, boundary blindness. So they will blow up your phone till no one. They will say, oh, it's an emergency. Maybe when it's not really quite an emergency, they will ignore your no, or just show up uninvited because that's what they want to do.

(03:21)
Even sometimes after they've asked you and you've said no, right? So they're not really good at boundaries. Alright? Number five, the guilt trip. Queen or king, if it's a guy, friend of yours, this one is huge, okay? The guilt tripping, and they may make it jokey, they may make it subtle, but if you cancel plans or you do set boundaries, set limits in your relationship, you are the bad friend. And I had this happen to me. I asked one of my friends to please stop yelling at me that we were grown adults and I wasn't going to tolerate that and it wasn't handled well. So when you set boundaries and they go like, no, this either. This is just how I am. Deal with it, which is a response I got, or even twisting it and deflecting and turning it onto you, or you're being sensitive or whatever.

(04:22)
I'm not yelling. Look, bitch, I know what yelling is. Okay? All right. So why does it feel so hard to leave these relationships? It's not just the friendship. You are grieving when you are deciding to or going, no contact, cutting someone off, whatever you want to call it. It's this shared identity that you have, especially if this is someone you've been friends with for decades or new, just really got close quick. It's a newer friend, but you just felt like soul soulmates, which can happen with a narcissist because they can make you feel like the queen of prom, but then that's how they get you in, and then they chew you up and they spit you out, chew up, spit you out, chew you up, spit you out, right? So this person though, they know your past, they know your secrets, your deep feelings, any vulnerabilities you've shown, they know that, right?

(05:22)
And narcissist specifically can build a false sense of sisterhood. So you feel like you owe them loyalty no matter what, even at your own expense, which is a no right? Loyalty. Look, I'm Italian. I love some good loyalty, right? But there's a line. So let's be real. Society tells us friendships should last forever, and when they don't, there's also that guilt you have, right? Because it's just like, oh, how great is it to have a friend your whole life or since you're 15, or even just when you first got married, whatever stage of life you're in, it feels great to have a friend like that. And it can also feel somewhat of a failure if you are breaking up a friendship, but it's not baby. The failure is keeping someone toxic around. So how do you leave without the guilt? These are some fun steps.

(06:20)
We're going to do five steps. I love numbers. Step one, decide what you will and won't accept. My hell yes, hell no. List. Make your own for friendship qualities. What makes you feel good? I will go down through my best friends. My best friends, lift me up. I know my best friends are not judging me or not talking behind my back. I know my best friends give me, they meet me halfway. I could be having a bad day like anyone else. We all have our days and they'll meet me halfway. They might just say, oh, what's going on? Right? They're not going to just jump down my throat or something if I maybe do have to cancel plans. I'm just not. Look, my dad passed recently, right? I've canceled a plan because I just didn't have it in me to go out in the world, right?

(07:16)
A good dear best friend should easily accept that and say, cool, is there anything you need? Whatever, right? Narcissists often will be like, oh, but you said you'd do this, and so they're still going to guilt trip you, so on your hell yes. It's lifting up. No guilt trips, making you feel good about yourself, trusting, knowing that they trust you. You can trust 'em. The hell knows there's a million hell nos. We can, I know more hell knows than I do. Hell yeses, hell nos. Definitely Guilt trips. Those are the biggest thing. Oh, they just kill me. The guilt trips, the oh punishing. That's a huge one. Do they punish you? I had a friend. Here's an example of being punished in a different way than you might think. We had plans to go to the, let's say apple orchard, whatever it was. At 10 in the morning, something happened where I asked, can we meet at 11?

(08:22)
And it was something legit, I forget what it was, but there was some, not emergency, crazy emergent, but some that came up that was like, shit, can we just push it an hour? Neither one of us had plans the rest of the day. It was just us going and this person was known for doing things like this. If it wasn't exactly what they wanted, how they wanted, then there was punishment. The punishment was that she said to me, nevermind, I'm going to take my other friend. And I was basically uninvited because I asked if we could go hour later. So that's a form of punishment, okay? It's not cool. That's a big hell no other hell nos deflecting, turning things around on you when you're trying to address something with them. Overstepping boundaries. So get clear on your hell, yeses your hell. Noes are just, those are some examples.

(09:14)
If you want to go deep, you want to do coaching, you want to transform your life, so you set up the best boundaries you can freaking imagine and know how to maintain them and not have the guilt and be unshakeable with your boundaries. Then go look at my show notes and sign up for ongoing coaching. That's all I'm doing now. We're not doing one-off calls anymore. People, we're doing big girl shit. So if you want to sign up, you do one month or you do three months. So get in there, okay? We're going to do big girl queen shit now. So you want to change, you want your life to freaking excel and feel joyful and peaceful and all that good. Let's talk. Go check it out. Alright, step two, set and communicate your boundary. This can be gradual, okay? This can be shorter calls not answering every time they call because you're scared because you're walking on eggshells because they're going to punish you if you don't answer.

(10:13)
It's like if you don't answer their call once, they're not going to answer your call the next five times. This is the type of shit I'm talking about or direct. You can say, this friendship isn't healthy for me anymore. I once had to say to a person and we were friends for a very, very long time and I loved her. I still love her. I still care deeply about her, but I felt like there was a lot of these terms and conditions going on and unhealthy ways. And I did say to her, I love you so much. I feel like we could have a distant relationship and maybe we could hang out and grab coffee every few months, but I can't have you in my daily life because anytime I do, we end up at this place again and it's not healthy for either of us, right? Okay. Did she love that? Probably not. Did she say let's go get tacos? No, but that was okay. That was fine. I gave an option. So I'm very direct. I'm 45. I've been doing the boundary shit for years. I'm too direct probably, but it works for me. You find your comfort zone with boundaries, and I have a boundary course too. I tell you all how to fluff it up and do the things that I don't really do anymore because a lot of people are not where I'm at, and that's probably a good thing.

(11:40)
And you don't owe them some Ted talk explaining every detail. That's where you're taking the bait. They want that. They want the chaos, they want the drama. You just make it very simple. You're talking with a narcissist. If you don't know the gray rock method, I have episodes on it. I'll link in the show notes, but just keep it simple. Keep it not emotional. If you want to fluff it up, absolutely, you can fluff it up a little and say, I love you so much. I've been really trying to navigate this and figure out how we can be friends and still have fun together. But you could say just a quick, if something specific happened and I'm just not feeling that it's healthy since then, or you can just say, it just isn't feeling like a healthy friendship for me and what I need and I'd like you to see your way the fuck out. No, you don't say that. It's just not healthy for me anymore. And that's that, right? If you want a better script, you know where to find me. Alright? Step three, expect pushback. If it's a narcissist, toxic, whatever, abuse person, toxic, throw 'em all in the bin and prepare.

(12:58)
They could guilt trip you, gaslight you. If you dunno what that is, it's kind of like making you confused and believing things that aren't true. You're the crazy one. And you start to get all muffled up in your head, right? So they're gaslighting you, making you really think you're the crazy one, putting it like they do. They turn things around, right? Or and or rallying up mutual friends. This happens. They love a good smear campaign. If it's a true narcissist, they're going to smear you to whoever they can. Your own family, your own friends, whoever they know, they may say, oh my gosh, they'll twist a story of how this all went down. If you do say something direct, be prepared. They're going to be like, what a bitch. She said, that's why we do the work, the deeper work because we work on your nervous system.

(13:53)
So that stuff doesn't bother you anymore. Your body says, guess what? I'm at peace over here. So I'm not really giving a fuck what this person is telling old Julie over there about how I send this. And if Julie is a good friend, she's not going to believe her. She's going to know the truth. That's my friend. That's the loyalty, right? So you got to do the deeper work too. These are tips, but you got to do the deeper work. So that's textbook narcissists, all of that stuff, right? So keep reminding yourself why you are leaving. Peace bubble. Peace bubble. I guess that's what you can take away from all this. Stay in your peace bubble. Remind yourself of the peace bubble. You're doing this. Protect your peace. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with ending a relationship with someone who is affecting your mental health.

(14:45)
End of story. I don't care who the fuck they are or how long they've been around, they're passionate today. A lot of curses jumping out. Alright, step four, fill the space with healthier connections. This is so good. This is what I did when I have disconnected from people, it literally opens up space in your life for something healthier, something better, something that you may not even know existed. I have made friends that I'm like, where the freak did these unicorns come from? How magical unicorns just traipsing all around my life, just uplifting, cheerleaders, people that feel very safe. I never have to walk on eggshells. We don't have to walk on eggshells around. We get each other. We understand. We give each other grace. Those are the friends you want to leave room for in your life and schedule that time. If you know of those people and you don't spend that much time, spend more time with them.

(15:44)
If not, join groups. I have episodes on friendships too, about how to make friends. I'm trying to think if that was this podcast or my other one, but I'll do another episode on that. But yes, finding friends can be different, difficult, but it's definitely doable. And find different clubs. That's my main thing is find something you love. Do more of that and you'll naturally meet people that are more like-minded. Even I found one of my best friends randomly in a book club. It was like a self-help. What was it? Rachel Hollis. Remember her book club years ago, and I met this girl in the book club. We are best friends talk every day. So you never know. Number five, step five, release the guilt. Remind yourself you're walking away from someone who consistently is harming you. And I know that can sound dramatic and you're like, well, it's not abuse.

(16:44)
We can call it. It doesn't matter what we call it. It's toxic. It's gross, it's uncomfortable, it's unhealthy. Unhealthy is my new favorite word because unhealthy doesn't sound as dramatic. People are like, oh God, abuse. And then, okay, unhealthy. Same thing as you don't want to be smoking cigarettes. If you're smoking quit, you don't want to be putting these people all up in your energy space either, right? It's bad for you, they're bad for you. So don't feel guilty. You are protecting your peace. And part of this deeper work too that we do, that you do if you work one-on-one with me is this deeper level of self-love and self-respect. And guess what? I'm going to tell you something. Until you have self love, you are not going to get or attract self-respect, sorry, respect from others on that deeper level. When I started cutting people out that I was like, shit, these people aren't treating me well.

(17:49)
This is a real live thing. And I started doing that and gaining in parallel, gaining a lot more confidence and not just confidence, I've been confident in a way in life, but like a self-trust, it really is self-trust. When I got self-trust, way more down is when I started really setting boundaries with ease, standing in my boundaries, attracting better people in my life in general, attracting even just with my jobs, with my clients, with everything. When you have self-trust, you make decisions faster. You don't have so much worry in your mind because you just feel like, I know I know how to do this. I know how to handle this. Whatever comes at you, you got it, you've got this queen, we got this. Okay. So yes, you got to do the deep work, but these are some tips to start with. If you're not ready to dive into deeper healing, I hope you get there soon because I'm telling you it is.

(19:02)
I don't know, what are those credit cards? It's just invaluable. But that's not it. I was going to make a joke and now I can't think of it. Priceless. Priceless. I should actually do a narcissist abuse, recovery, priceless commercial. So it is priceless. It is priceless. And yes, I've spent money on coaches. I've spent more on, not specifically narcissist, I did do some therapy with a therapist that was somewhat aware of narcissism, but I really knew more than she did. And that's not going against her. That's just facts. But I've dove deep into education and books and videos and all sorts of stuff. You do have to invest in yourself if you want to make transformation. And I have invested deeply and it is priceless and I never have regrets. I'll say that there's no regret in the world with the growth I have had and what I've overcome and how I am hardcore peace bubble boundary queen doesn't take shit from anybody.

(20:06)
And I have joy and I have just amazing things happening in my life and amazing people. And that is not a coincidence. That is totally in alignment because I chose to do the work and better my life. All right? So I know it is not easy, right? This friendship stuff, I've been there. The heartstrings are real. If they send you little carrots, we call 'em right? To try to get you little heartstring messages. Oh remember wins that can happen to, let me just put it this way, none of that. When you're in those moments, just picture them as a dump truck with a whole of shit in it. And they're just lifting that, lifting that truck bed. I don't know if they're called truck beds for dump trucks. I'm not a truck girl, but lifting it up and all that shit is being dumped on you.

(21:02)
You're going to emotional dump, right? They're emotionally dumping on you. That's what you need to imagine. I want you to get that lovely picture in your mind. So anytime you have that feeling, just think about what that, because that's what it is. It's a bunch of shit you never signed up for and you don't deserve and you don't need. We are too old for this shit. So I don't care if you've been friends 20, 30 years, whatever, you're allowed to walk away. I'm giving you full permission to not be dumped on anymore. So if you're listening right now and you're like, this is me, take this as that permission slip to choose you, it's okay. You're choosing you. There is no problem with that, right? And on the other side, there is that piece. There is that clarity and space for those sparkly unicorn friends I talked about.

(22:03)
Yeah. So if this episode hit home, you could first of all get my boundaries pocket guide. If you don't have that, that is free. I know people love the little free stuff. That's easy, right? We got these tips that are free. That's great. You want to do transformational work. I just had three people sign up this week for long-term real freaking transformation. And I do run out of spots I don't have. This is a lot of work. This is a lot of my time and investment and I really care about my clients. I put a lot into this so I don't have endless openings. So if you are interested, go sign up. We will work around your schedule to find a time, a weekly call on Zoom in between. If you sign up for the three month jam, which is like you're not going to recognize yourself after, in a good way, you get Voxer access in between the calls.

(23:06)
Not every day, all day. Okay, I got shit to do. I got a life, I got clients, I got my own kid. But at least once a day I will check Voxer and if you leave a message, I will respond within 24 or 48 hours, usually 24. But you get that, that's like a bonus you get for doing the three month. If you want to do one month at a time. There's that option too. There is no vox or access. It's still great. Once a week on zoom, we zoom, zoom. What is that? That's mindset talk, which that's shifting enough. But then you put in the somatic healing, which is healing the body. Ooh girl. If you want more information, I'll put my email. That's always in the show notes too. This combination of mindset and body work is what you need for lasting and lasting healing.

(24:00)
The mindset work is great, but what I noticed with myself with clients is I don't think you ever fully fall back all the way, but you can have shifts and then you might backpedal or stop doing this or that. When you do this body healing work, it just like amplifies the healing you're doing with the mindset work. And it makes it last because the body remembers. The body remembers everything. It's stored in there. You get in the tight shoulders, the stomach aches, the headaches. That's the body. That's stress, that's tension. So the mindset work can help a lot with the thinking and how to navigate things and how to handle the narcissist and the body work is we are going to calibrate your nervous system so you can handle anything. You can handle those conversations. So it just like the two together is where it's at. That's no matter what you sign up for. With me, we are doing both of those things. Where are you going to be in five years? Let's do two years. Two years from now. If you haven't done the work, the transformational work, how are you going to feel if you're still in the same place you are right now in two years?

(25:27)
I love a vacation too, but for me that lasting healing and transformation is more important. That would be my priority. I know not everyone's going to be there, but if you are there and you're like, I don't want to be here in two years, I really don't. I've been doing this. Maybe you've been in stuck for a while. If you want to get unstuck, let's do it. I have faith in you. I know you can do it. All of my clients have had incredible success. I have testimonials, I have all that junk. And we have fun doing it too. I mean it's work as in you got to show up. But we can have fun. We know you are working with the queen here and you're a queen. So two queens on a Zoom call. I mean, can't be that bad, right? Alright, so definitely go sign up.

(26:26)
And I know I got on a side tangent, but I don't know, passion just comes over me. What can I say? That's the Italian too. So I will see you in the next episode. We're going to do a thrive in five Thursdays are thrive in five. I usually do something related to the Tuesday episode and it's thrive in five. So it's some sort of somatic healing or a pep talk, quick pep talk, breath work, meditation, whatever, different things. So I will be recording that actually right after this. I'm going to do a two for one. Look at me, go look at me stacking my work so I can put that out on Thursday. And don't forget to follow the podcast wherever you're go run and do that. All the things. It's a big to-do list today. Make sure you're following so you get notified. Every time my podcast pops, it drops, pops and drops and locks.

(27:25)
Okay? Because you want to be ready for our queen talks, don't you? Yeah, you look like you do. All right, let's take a deep breath. Inhale and release. Inhale and release. You guys did amazing listening to all that jabbering. I'm so proud of you. You get an extra little heart emoji from me. I wish I could send you heart emojis here. That'd be fun. Alright, so go do the things. If you want to dive deep, just let's just do it. Let's go for it. It's going to be fun. Okay? All right, loves these. See you in the next episode. Bye.

Narcissistic Family Roles Detox

Thu, 31 Jul 2025 06:00:00 -0400

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Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you. Hey. Hey, queen. Today we're doing a little identity detox from the role that your narcissistic family cast you in. Because listen, if you were the scapegoat, the fixer, the golden girl, the lost one, that was not you. It was a role you adapted to so you could survive in this toxic system that was created. But you're safe now. Take a breath. You're going to be safe. If you don't feel safe. Now you are going to, we're going to get you there, but we're going to start letting that old identity fall away. Say byes. Say byes, kiss it goodbye. This five minute practice is called the roll detox. So grab your journal if you can, and if not, just listen and let it land.

(01:07)
Save it for later. And if you want to come back to it and get a journal, you can do that. But just really be present with this one. Okay? So step one, you're naming the role. Okay? So ask yourself, what role did I play in my family growing up? Were you the rebel, the perfect one, the one who kept quiet and kind of just disappeared into the background? Then you go a little deeper. Who did I have to become in order to feel safe or accepted in the family? Now, name it out loud. First we're going to start with I became the what to survive. Is it the rebel? Is it the attention seeker? Is it that golden child energy? The perfect one, the one who kept quiet? What did you become to survive the family or I learned to be what? Because it felt safer than being rejected.

(02:23)
None of these are your actual identity. Think of it as your armor. You are putting on this identity as armor. You put it onto survive and now it's safe to start taking it off. Take it off, girl. Alright, so step two, challenge the lie. Okay? So that role created a belief in you. So ask what lie did that role teach me about myself? These are some common ones. One of mine was this. I'm too much or too sensitive, right? I'm too much. But there's also, I'm not enough in a different way, right? I'm not enough. Maybe I'm not interesting enough. Maybe it's I'm not smart enough. Just good enough in any form is not good enoughness. Okay? Another common one. My needs are a burden, okay? I have a very close person in my life for privacy sake. I will not mention who it is, but this was hers.

(03:35)
She felt like she was always a burden to her parent. Always a burden. Did you ever feel like that? Or fear? Like if you spoke up, you'd be punished. And I'm not just talking violence, punished by sharp words, punished by being ignored. Punished by not getting things that other kids in the family might get because you spoke up. There's many ways that narcissists will punish you. I do think of them as the punishers. If you don't do what they want, when they want and how they want, you will get punished. So now let's flip it. So you've written down what is the lie that rule taught you about yourself? So you have that down. Now flip it, reclaim the truth, and then don't forget to say it out loud. You're writing it down, but also say it out loud. It's so healing to say stuff out loud. Can I just tell you, say it out loud. I'm loud. I have no problem doing that and then let it land. So some examples of this, my sensitivity is not a flaw, it's a gift.

(05:00)
I love my sensitivity. Now I'm sensitive. I'm empathetic. That's good. Does that make you a target for a narcissist? Sometimes, but we're learning to queen it out so we can rise above that and not take the bait. So own your sensitivity. Now, that's your armor. Shine that shit. Okay? You look sexy in sensitivity. I'm going to create a quote and put that on my Facebook. Guys, if you're not following me on my Facebook, by the way, always go click all the links. All the links in my show notes of the podcast, okay? I have a private Facebook group full of women just like you. And I drop some quotes, sometimes videos, my podcast episodes in there, all the fun. So go join that. All right. How about this one? I deserve love without earning it. You don't have to earn love. No. That should be given to you out them gates, out them wombs. Okay? You deserve love without earning it. Another one. Oh, let's see who this hits. Let's am safe When I'm fully myself. Fully, I am safe when I'm fully myself. Doesn't that feel good? If you could believe that, let's get you there. We're starting by just saying it out loud, okay? We're trying to start the transformation.

(06:35)
Another one being seen isn't dangerous, it's now powerful, right? Some of us growing up, being seen or heard could be dangerous. Why? Because we get punished. The punisher, the great Punisher, Uhuh, nope, it's powerful. Now we grownups and we're going to take our power back and it's going to be freaking powerful to be seen, to be heard, to have a voice and be able to say what your desires, what your needs are, that's power and you deserve it. So these truths are not just fluffy little affirmations. They are weapons, okay? Weapons of healing, how's that whip that healing around you? Got it? Alright, so we've got that down, okay? We've got challenging those lies. The now step three is anchoring a new identity. So take a deep breath in and out in the nose, out the mouth, close your eyes and visualize yourself free from that role.

(07:55)
No mask, no performance, no guilt, just you grounded, radiant, powerful like a dang queen. Okay? What does she wear? How does she speak? How does she protect her peace? And you can pause this and really marinate on it, okay? This is where the good shit happens, doing this work and hold that version of you in your heart. That is not future you. She's already up in there. Don't you feel her queen? She's in there. You're just reconnecting to her. All right? Repeat after me and then I'll let you go. I'm probably going over. Yep, there I am. Blobby mouth went over her five minutes. Surprise. All right. Say it with me. I'm no longer playing the role they gave me. I, okay, I'm living the truth. I chose.

(09:05)
I am not who they said I was. And here's my favorite. Yes, feel this one. I am who I decide to become. That is your thrive in 10 today, Queens. Real healing, real tools. We're not fluffing around. I don't fluff. Something I don't do is fluff, right? And if this cracks something open for you, go listen to this week's full episode. If you missed it, I walk you through the narcissistic family roles and how to break free from that without all the guilt Bs. So go look at that. Also, if you want to do deeper healing, really transformational stuff where you get to feel alive and have peace and have joy and don't have to struggle so much sitting in your brain spinning out all the time. If you want to get past that and heal from the body where you actually get lasting results, go click on one of those dang links I told you about, preferably the one-on-one coaching. You can start out with our Reclaim You Sessions, an hour and a half session. Okay? And then from there, we go to monthly work month, one month at a time, chapter after chapter, growth after growth, cleaning after Queening. Are you in? Yeah, go click it. All right? Have a beautiful day and I will talk to you in the next episode.

(11:54)
That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment. And check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Were You the Scapegoat or the Golden Child? Understanding Narcissistic Family Roles (And How to Break Free)

Tue, 29 Jul 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Were you the scapegoat, the golden child, or the lost one?
In this episode, we break down the toxic roles in narcissistic families and how they mess with your identity, confidence, and peace—and most importantly, how to break free from them for good.

📅 Book a private session:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Grab your free Boundaries guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Empowered Boundaries Course:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Speaker 1 (00:00):

What if the guilt you feel around your family is not your fault, but the result of a system that was built to silence you? In today's episode, we're diving deep into narcissistic family dynamics, what they look like, why you got cast in a role you sure as hell did not sign up for, and how to finely break free without drowning in all that familial guilt. You're not crazy, you're not alone. Look, I'm right here next to you, we, and yes, we are allowed to choose peace over people, even our family, even if it's hard. When we are in these situations, have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dried ice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free.

(01:08)
I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. Welcome back, beautiful queens. It is Christy Jade, your guide, your cheerleader, your no nonsense truth teller in my heels. Are you in your heels today? Looking super fly. Alright, so we're talking about something that can hit very deep narcissistic families and yes, grab your tea, your journal, maybe your little inner child because this is going to go deep, but hopefully be healing for you. So often we think abuse equals obvious, yelling, hitting chaos, and it does.

(02:18)
But with some narcissistic families, they can be more covert, more manipulative. They might look functional on the outside, but inside there is favoritism, there's gaslighting, there is emotional neglect, masked as tough love, and there's control dressed up as we just want what's best for you. So if you grew up walking on eggshells constantly trying to earn somebody's love and feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions, that was not healthy love. That's not the love you deserved to have. Okay, so let's talk family role in narcissistic families. Everyone gets cast in a role, like a little play first. There is my personal unfavorite, the golden child. They are almost idolized. You have to walk on eggshells and everyone does. They're an extension of a narcissistic parent's ego, right? They usually can do no wrong in the family's eyes. Then there's the scapegoat. This is the one who gets blamed for everything, often the truth teller or the sensitive one, the empath, and that means also the black sheep.

(03:58)
But in my opinion, it's good to be a black sheep and a narcissistic family. That means you're not like the rest, right? Then there can also be the lost child, invisible, quiet. They kind learn to disappear, to stay safe and out of the chaos of the group. So you didn't choose your role. You adapted to what you had to be to survive in this dynamic. So let's repeat that. You adapted to survive. So it wasn't weakness, it was just what you had to do. And now that you're grown, you don't have to stay stuck in that script. So here's where the guilt trap comes in, but they're family. Let's talk about the biggest tool narcissistic families used to keep you stuck. Ding, ding. Guilt. Guilt.

(04:56)
Things like have you heard this before? You only have one mom. You're so sensitive, right? That's a big one. You're so sensitive, you can't take a joke and I did the best I could. You turned out fine, didn't you? Or family? Is everything family's first blood thicker than water? Not saying any of these things cannot be said in a normal family, but there's a pattern and it is used against you when you are being mistreated. Okay? That's the difference here. So family is not everything. If it costs you your peace, your truth, or very importantly, your safety, right? The real truth is blood does not give someone a pass to mistreat you. I'm going to say that a little louder, fold. The back blood does not give someone a pass to mistreat you. The old, oh, well, that's just how he is or that you hear that in family so much.

(06:04)
That's just how they are. Oh, just ignore it. Oh, he's just crazy. Oh, he is just got a temper. Oh, boys will be boys. It can be girls too. I'm just just doing the he right now. We'll throw some girls in there too. Oh, she's just high maintenance. Oh, she's just a little princess. Oh, she's just on her period there now you don't want to hear about the girl one anymore. No. So you've heard all the excuses that are given for narcissists. So how to start breaking free without swimming around in that guilt. So first, here's what I want you to remember. You are allowed to set boundaries, right? I'm not saying you go cut every single person off and your family and throw 'em and flush 'em, right? You're allowed to set boundaries and you stick. I have a great boundaries course. If you don't know, I also have a freebie boundary guide.

(07:03)
I am going to put in the description of this episode. You need to grab it if you have not grabbed it. It's a very recent creation. A couple of weeks ago I put it out. So go grab that and I also have a course. I'll link that too. That is epic. But if you have trouble setting boundaries, both of those things can help you. But you're allowed to set boundaries even with your family. It's okay. You're allowed to say no even to your mother often, and I know it can be generational too, but that's also an excuse We over, okay?

(07:37)
Oh, they're old. No, no one should treat you like crap. And it's okay to have boundaries and stick to them and give actual consequences. And you're allowed to take space. You're allowed to say, I'm going to back off for a couple of weeks and just get my bearings. You're allowed to go low contact, right? You don't want to go all the way, no contact, that's fine. Go lower contact, give yourself a little more peace, or you are allowed to go no contact in certain situations. If there is someone in your family that is abusive, it is absolutely a thousand percent okay to go no contact. Do you want to set boundaries first and try that out to see so you never have regrets? Yeah, I would. I love to give people chances. Guess what though? You fuck up on some chances. It's a no. And you're allowed to heal.

(08:36)
Even if they don't apologize, even if they don't right their wrongs, it is not about them. This is about you and your journey. This is about you saying, I want peace. I'm deciding I'm not taking their bait. I'm not believing their, I'm saying I am ready to have peace and I'm the rule creator for this relationship, right? That doesn't mean go be abusive to them. That's not what I'm saying here. You don't build boundaries to go be mean to people. No. You build boundaries to protect your peace. Yeah, remind yourself of that because sometimes a lot of us will feel guilty placing boundaries because we are conditioned and told that we are the mean ones. We're being irrational or unreasonable when we're just trying to protect ourselves. So I'm here to tell you, this is about protecting your peace. You're not doing anything to anybody.

(09:48)
You're not controlling anybody. You're controlling yourself and how you handle the situation. So here's a little practical tip for you. Start small. If you haven't heard of my hell yes, hell no list. We'll start small with that. Write down hell yes on one side, hell no on the other. Who makes you feel safe and seen? Who drains you, manipulates you or triggers guilt, right? Just list the people in your family, okay? Start with that. What's working, what's not? And you can go further. You can work with me one-on-one to really get into all of that and help heal that and help change that story without guilt. But you don't owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace, especially not people who never protected you. Let's say that again, and I'm going to post it on Facebook. I've just said it in that hit, you don't owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace, especially not the people who never protected you.

(11:04)
We feel like we owe people. That's natural. You're a nice person with a heart and a soul, right? You're probably empathetic. You know what it feels like, but guess what? You're doing nothing wrong by protecting your peace. There's a reason you are here at this point. So what would it feel like to feel that freedom doesn't mean getting there is overnight and easy, but working with me, it can be fun. We can shine our little crowns together. You might feel sad, you might have a little confusion working through it, but over time, I am here. I'm telling you on the other side of for me, I did go no contact with narcissist.

(11:56)
You do feel lighter. You stop second guessing every decision. You breathe deeper, you sleep better, and this is huge. You trust yourself more. You can trust yourself. You build yourself trust. What are you without self-trust? You're living in someone else's damn body. You'll begin to build your chosen family. Let's say you do end up low or no contact with some people. It opens it up for people that deserve your friendship, your relationship, your love. People that lift you up, people that see you and hear you and believe you and give you the benefit of the doubt. Meet you halfway. People that don't confuse and manipulate and gaslight you, people who love you for every part of you as you are and don't project onto you. There's no performance, there's no roles. There's no freaking game. Spider web of crap. That's the kind love that heals you.

(13:13)
That's the kind of love that heals your children and their children and all the generations after. That is true love, and I have that in my life. Do you know how amazing that is to come from a certain part of life where I felt like helpless. That's the only word I can use in this situation. I felt absolutely heartbroken and helpless. I'm trying to be more open and raw here in my podcast because I am a very bubbly, fun personality. But I want you guys to know I get it. I seriously just got choked up. I don't like talking about the dark parts, but I'm supposed to, right? It's part of it. I've done a lot of that work, but I need to bring it to you so you can see. I get it. I've been there. I have been in the dark laying there, praying to God, saying, what do I do?

(14:23)
God, I don't know what to do. I felt like the situation was absolutely impossible. I thought there was no way I could stay in it and no way I could stay, get out of it. It felt absolutely impossible. And I'm here to tell you it's not impossible. It's not. You learn to set boundaries. You do, I think really need support. I got support. I got help with somebody who knows narcissism. So again, I would love to help you through any of this. I will put how to work with me in the description box. This does not have to be something you navigate alone and it should not be something you navigate alone. It is heavy shit. It's heavy shit. It's dark where you're at. But that's the whole point is I want to reach and hold your hand and help you climb out of that mud.

(15:24)
See the light, get to the light, feel that lighter. Can you imagine actually not having that visceral shoulders up all the time? Always second guessing yourself, always waiting for the shoe to drop, not knowing how to navigate the situation. Even if you're lower contact, just not really having a plan, still feeling like up in the air. The balls are up in the air and it's just like a chaotic mess. Imagine feeling peace. Imagine feeling like you are in control. That's what we need for you. You have to feel like you are in control and you trust yourself and no matter what comes at you or what they say or do, you got it. You can handle it and you know what to do. That's how I want to help you feel. That's the light, right? That's that. Ah, just like settled, comfortable at peace, calm.

(16:29)
You get to feel those things. So if you are ready, sign up for a session with me. You got to be ready. Are you ready? So like I said, I have the boundaries guide. I've got the course. If you want to do the real work, sign up. We do our intro session and then there are sessions after that. The intro session. You do not stop there. Sure. It'll give you a little fun feeling. You get like when you go to see a motivational speaker or something, sure you'll have a little kick, not a little pep in your step there. It is a little pep in your step, probably for a couple days. You might learn a couple tools and sure, I do my work to help people and I think it'll help you. These podcasts help you and they're free, right? It's great. But if you want to do transformational, long lasting work, you need to do the work. You need to go deep and you need to be ready and say, yeah, let's do this, queen. Okay? So sign up for your Reclaiming You private session. We're going to help clear that guilt and build a plan, and we are going to go from there because you want this life. It is not meant to struggle. And how old are we?

(18:00)
I mean, what would life look like if you are in the same place five years from now? I know a lot of you say you feel stuck. I'm here to help you get unstuck. That is my job. It is the best thing in the damn world to help unstick my peeps, my queens. So you don't want to be in the same situation. You don't want to be dreading family events. You don't want to be not knowing what to do when the phone rings or the text comes through. You don't want the guilt. You don't want to feel like you want to be a good role model for your kids and have a peaceful, happy life, but there's this disruption and drama and chaos. Come on, we're too old. We're too old for this. I mean, no age should deal with it, but at this stage, it's time to take control of your life, get your power back.

(19:01)
You deserve that, okay? You're not broken because of your family. You are becoming that cycle breaker, the pattern shifter, the one your future self, your kids will thank. That's why you're here. That's why you're on this podcast. Okay? So I see you and you are reclaiming that crown. So go click that link and then don't forget to follow the podcast. So you get the notifications. And on Thursdays we have Thrive in Five, usually related to the Tuesday episodes where there's some delicious body energy healing going on or tools or techniques. It's five minutes. It's just like a bite-sized podcast every Thursday. So you get more tools to help. But if you want that deep transformation, hit that damn link and let's go. I hate that saying, that's so popular. Now let's go. I think I just hate when people are like, yeah, bro, let's go, but let's go Queen. Maybe that makes it better. Are you ready to go? Let's go. All right, I'll see you in the next episode.

Was It Real Love? Here’s the Truth in 3 Quick Questions

Thu, 24 Jul 2025 06:00:00 -0400

🎁 FREE RESOURCE:

Goodbye Guilt, Hello Boundaries
3 powerful strategies to stop people-pleasing and set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral.
Grab your free guide: 👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

💬 JOIN THE COMMUNITY: You're not meant to heal alone.
Come hang with me and other women healing from narcissistic abuse in our free Facebook group!
✨ Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

👑 Work 1:1 With Me

Need personalized support to reclaim your peace and power?
📅 Book a private session:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello Queens. Are you still spinning in your head? Wondering, was it lover Just control? Today I'm giving you three simple but powerful questions that can help you stop the obsessive loop and reclaim some clarity. Let's get into it. Number one, did they love you or the version of you that served their needs? So narcissists are great at mirroring, but when you stop pleasing them or you had maybe a conflict or brought up something that bothered you how they were treating you, or you wanted to do something for yourself or something your way and not always theirs, did the love vanish? Did they punish? Did they hold things back? That is control, not love, right? Number two, did they make you feel consistently safe and supported? Like steady no matter what they were on your team, lifting you up on your side supporting you, or confused and anxious? Maybe there were some moments of support. Usually that is during a time that's benefiting them, but mostly confusing you, manipulating you, playing mind games, making you feel like you're crazy, causing you anxiety. Which one?

(01:55)
Real love creates peace. It makes you feel secure. It makes you feel calmer, right? Not the up and the down and the woo all around. No, no, ma'am. Narc, love, love, let me put it in quotes, can really create panic, end of story, chaos, inconsistency. We talked about this Tuesday on the longer episode, right? About the inconsistency, the chaos, the back and forth, the up and down, making your mind a whirlwind. Even after you have left them, you still have that imprint and the questions, questioning yourself, not trusting yourself, not knowing what to trust about what really happened, what was real, what wasn't real, what was love? What was not love? Number three were your needs. Your needs that you deserve by the way, ever truly prioritized or where they always, always pushed to the side.

(03:09)
Love honors you as a whole, right? And your needs, it honors you as a human being, right? Narc, love erases who you are. I'll say that again. Love honors you as your whole human narc. Love erases it. If you're going, where the F did I go? Who am I? What do I do? Now it makes sense if you were in a relationship with a narc of any kind, right? So if you answered those and you felt a gut punch on the negative side of the answer, you're not crazy. You're just waking up to all of this and good thing you are. Some people don't get the chance to wake up. They don't get the chance. You're getting this chance. You're seeing it in a new light, maybe confusing. You may want answers. That's what I'm here for, to help you, to guide you. But you get to choose the truth, the real truth, your truth, what really happened and who you are.

(04:32)
You get to know who you are all over again rather than the fantasy of what was the fantasy of the love that was shared between you. That wasn't really love, it was control and maybe addiction, codependency. And you get to build a life based on real love, starting with loving yourself the right way, knowing what you expect for yourself from yourself, bleeding into other relationships. You will enter, not just romantic, okay? I'm talking friendships. Anybody you're letting into your life better be able to show you real love. We can often get attracted to the wrong people when we are used to controlling relationships, certain types of people we're comfortable. Get uncomfortable with controlling people. Get uncomfortable with narcissists. Get uncomfortable with people who don't reciprocate. Get uncomfortable with people who only talk about themselves and focus on themselves. What should you get comfortable with? People who uplift you, people who want to hear more about you, people who are there for you, people who are steady and in your corner, people who are excited about you.

(05:58)
So if you haven't listened to that episode, go listen to Tuesday's episode. I go deeper into this, how to move forward when your brain is tangled up in the doubt, in the questions. All right, Queens, you got this. I hope this is helpful. Save the episode. If you start to get those doubts, go back and look at those questions. You know the answers. If you're here, you probably know the answers already, and sometimes it takes just seeing them, hearing them from someone else, having it spelled out to wake up and say, wow, this sucks. It hurts when you realize all of this. It's painful. This isn't easy stuff, but know what it is. It makes it easier. I will say to move forward, once you say out loud the things you have to say out loud, excuse me, pardon me. A little alarm saying those things out loud, saying, you know what?

(06:58)
That wasn't the love I deserved. That wasn't authentic, true love. It was control. It was codependency. It wasn't the real love that I am going to get from myself and from others from this point on. Can I get a what? What? Thank you. Alright, so take a deep breath. It's a lot to take in. I know. Shake it out. Shake your arms. I'm also doing my podcast now on YouTube too, so you can get the visual. No, I just thought, I know a lot of my YouTube people like podcasts, but they like the video ones. So I'm putting on there on video now, so you can check those out too. And as always in the show notes, if you're looking for ways to work with me, if you want to really show up and do the work, like big transformations, you've got to actually consistently meet with someone, whether it's me or a therapist.

(08:01)
If you are going to a therapist, make sure they know a lot about narcissism because it is not some cookie cutter way of dealing with co-parent or exes. It's not a normal healthy individual you break up with or you have to deal with this stuff with, right? We know that. So you have to make sure they really know narcissism. But you do to make transformation, I'm talking, you get to find yourself again. You get to have peace. I know you're not asking for much, and you can get there, but you've got to actually make the move, even though it can be scary to make that first move and say, yeah, I'm ready. So are you ready? If you're ready, go on my show notes. Click on the ways you can work with me there and let's do this. You deserve it, and I want, this is what my dream is. I got out on the other side and I want to help people like you. I went through absolute hell mind body, right? I ended up in the er. I was choked by a phone cord. My back was nearly snapped in half on a bathtub.

(09:18)
None of that's fun to talk about, but I'm here to tell you, you can leave that behind, come out of it and shine and do more for yourself and more for your children. Love yourself harder and let your children see that so they know how to love themselves the right way. All right, I'll see you in the next episode. Bye. That's your Thrive in five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your peace like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Did the Narcissist Really Love You? Here’s How to Know for Sure

Tue, 22 Jul 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Wondering if the narcissist ever truly loved you?
In this episode, we unpack what narcissistic “love” really is, why it feels so convincing, and how to finally tell the difference between real love and control. If you’re stuck in confusion, this truth-packed episode will give you the clarity—and closure—you deserve. 💬 JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

You're not meant to heal alone.
Come hang with me and other women healing from narcissistic abuse in our free Facebook group!
✨ Join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

🎁 FREE RESOURCE:

👑 Work 1:1 With Me

Need personalized support to reclaim your peace and power?
📅 Book a private session:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:00)
Alright, Queens, welcome back to narcissistic abuse Recovery. We're going to keep it real and raw today. Well and always. So let's just get real here. Many of us get out of a toxic relationship and we spiral, right? It's normal, it's okay. Take a breath. We've all done it, but we're haunted by. But did they ever really love me? And I'm going to say something hard, but I love you and I'm going to say it with truth and compassion here. They may have loved you in a way that's different. It's more about how you make them feel, which we can relate to in a little bit. But they're all about the ego. So their form of love is truly about loving what they're gaining. It's feeding them. They loved what you gave them. The real love, that healthy type of love, that kind that sees you, values you, uplifts you.

(02:10)
That's not what they have to offer. That's not the love they provide, and you deserve that, right? Of course. So what real love looks like versus narc love, real love, and you might want to write this down, you might want to go back to this. Keep this in your notes. When you are entering new romantic relationships or new friendships or any type of relationship with anyone you'll be spending time with in any form feels safe, it feels steady, it feels respectful. It feels supportive of your growth. They want to see you do well narcissists often, and it goes both ways. It's give and take. It's not take, take, take. So narcissistic love feels like a wild ass roller coaster, high highs, low lows, light, dark. It always ends up in the dark though. That's the bad news. With the narcissist, it will always go back to dark.

(03:22)
It feels transactional. It can be obsessive and possessive, right? You are a property to them in a way. You are a possession of theirs. So it can feel like that where it might feel good to you in a way. Maybe you kind of like the feeling when they get jealous. It's like, oh look, they're showing they love me. That's not love by the way. But we can view that in these situations as a type of them showing their love that catches. That's not love, that's just the control, right? And it's centered on control, not connection. I'm going to say that part again. Their love is centered on control, not connection with you. I want that to sink in because I think that for me was something when I realized that myself was like, wow, we did not connect in the way I needed. I was always wanting more.

(04:28)
There was something missing, and that's a big element that misses when you're with a narcissist so they don't fall in love with you. They become, especially in the beginning, obsessed with the supply you represent. We're talking about that feeding you, feed them how you maybe made them feel admired, powerful. They love people who accommodate them, who compliment them all the time, who blow their egos up. So if you're an empath, if you've got a huge heart, if you are expressive with your words, if you put things aside for yourself to support them always and they don't reciprocate that, that is that uneven supply they're getting, right? You're essentially a mirror for their ego. So it's not a partnership. Narcissists cannot be in a healthy true partnership. So how do they weaponize love as control narcissists say, I love you as a leash. So especially in the beginning, but also between the abuse, they will love bomb you with the attention gifts and soulmate talk, which you may misunderstand is the connection you're actually missing.

(05:59)
But you feel like, well, they're saying these words, but deep down you probably don't really feel it. You're like, well, soulmates don't do this other stuff subconsciously. You may know that, but the soulmate, oh, you're my soulmate, or I got no one's ever made me feel the way you feel. You're so special. We've gone through so much together. You're the only one who can X, Y, z. Did you hear any of those? Yeah. So they will also use your loyalty against you later. They know as you get more and more loyal, which you will fall under that you have already in the past, if you're listening to this, you may be out of the situation, but maybe some people are still in it, but we're talking about, and you should know when you were very loyal to them, it probably progressed more and more and you felt more fear associated with if you were not loyal or you did not do exactly what they said.

(07:00)
So they do this. If you loved me, you wouldn't go out with your girlfriends. You'd be wanting to spend time only with me. If you loved me, you would do this for me if you loved me, right? It's this guilt trip related to loyalty. But they don't give you loyalty back necessarily, right? Except with the possession type attachment, the codependency. So they also will punish you. That could be with the silent treatment or just withdrawal of the love bombing of the compliments of the carrots they give you. They'll start holding those back, making you want them and desire them and just wait for them hoping they'll come back around. When you set a boundary, when you're like, I really even bringing up something that is not accommodating what they are doing, they can do that, right? The other one is using fake vulnerability to rope you back in.

(08:05)
And this is a tough one because sometimes we can't tell, especially when we're fully in it, what is real and fake. They could have crocodile tears, they can have, I'm sorry, it's just that I had a really hard life and right? And it's just the sob stories all the time about their constant poor behavior towards you, and they will act as if they're being vulnerable, crying, opening up to you. Again, you might mistake this for that connection that you're seeking, but that's the wrong connection. That's the guilt tripping and fake vulnerability connection. So that is not love. It's a strategy manipulating and it's masquerading as intimacy. So you were not loved in the way we love you were used, and it's not your fault. And yes, it sucks. Of course, we all look back, we spent how many years of our life being used? How did I not see that?

(09:17)
We're not going to do that here today, and we'll have episodes of addressing that. And of course you want to get into the nitty gritty of that and get rid of that. Come work with me. I am an expert at helping you navigate this. That's why I'm here. You want to do the real work? I get it. It is very hard where you're at and I have been there and I have thought about what I let happen to me, and I don't know how I didn't get help. It's very hard living through that, and it doesn't seem fun to shine a light on it and get help for it. But I am telling you, I went through not just narcissistic abuse, but physical abuse I just mentioned in my group for the first time, I'm talking about my actual physical injuries. I was choked by a phone cord.

(10:15)
I was sitting there not knowing if it was going to be my last breath getting dizzy, feeling like, oh, here it goes, here I go, and I didn't get help. Then I, all I can say is I didn't know or didn't want to face it. Sometimes we don't want to face it. There's a bunch of different reasons, but we're not here to dwell on that part. Yes, we address it, we talk about it. I'm talking about my own situation more. It's not comfortable. That's probably why I haven't talked about it in public too much. But guess what, we're here now. And if you don't want to lose more years of your life to this, if you want to break the cycle for your own children, if you don't want to end up with health issues because of all of this gnawing at you in the pit of your stomach, the body and the mind are connected, and we do get sick from this stuff.

(11:18)
So if you want, and look, I get passionate, I'm not yelling at you, but if you want to actually heal, you're going to need to go a little deeper than the podcast or the YouTube videos. They are helpful. It's great help for understanding. If you really truly want to heal, you are going to have to take it a step further. And I love to help people. My specialty is helping people move more quickly than you think with your, and I try to keep it as fun as possible, right? I'm Christy Jade. I love a good gold crown and sparkle, so I will always put how to work with me in the show notes. It is up to you to say, I don't want to live like this anymore. And what is your life going to look like in five years from now? You're sad. You wasted so much time, so don't waste any more time for you, for your kids.

(12:20)
Anyway, I got a little side tangent, passion over there, but you were used. This isn't your fault. We know what we know when we know it. It is a reflection of them, not your worth. But there is damage done. So we do have to do the work. That part is up to us. That is our responsibility. What happened is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. So why do we confuse love with control? So this is why it hits so hard. Many of us were raised in environments where love was conditional. Most of us who have later in life had these not so great toxic relationships. Narcissistic abuse probably ended up in that situation because there was a lack of something or an unhealthy childhood, whether that be from a parent, caregiver, sibling, whatever, where the approval had to be earned somehow, maybe you're dismissed where there was tension, fear, and that was the norm.

(13:40)
I in my life was on high alert a lot. Looking back, I just, my God, my shoulders must've been up to my ears most of my childhood. So when a narcissist shows up with the chaos and the charm, some people see through that, people who have been in the situations we've been in, it feels like home. It feels unpredictable, which is home to us, unsafe, which is home to us. But love is not intensity. It's not the up and the down and the, oh, we're just a passionate family, right? I mean, I'm not going to get specific with my own family or anyone, but let's be honest, there is a generational thing that went on before us where it was excused, passionate parenting. I feel like that's what we should have called it. Passionate parenting. Oh, I'm going to smack you across your head. You can clear across the table, but then two minutes later, act like nothing happened and I'm kissing your forehead and we're eating pasta and meatballs together.

(14:56)
That passionate up and down intensity. Love is not intensity. Up and down, up and down. It is consistency. And that gets boring to us when we are used to intensity. So we tend to be drawn to the people that give us intensity. That can include chaos. It doesn't matter. It could be the really happy, upbeat, crazy people that are wild, we like them, or people that are charismatic and love bombing, and then behind closed doors are hurting you. Love is not sacrifice. Sacrificing your own wants and needs. Yes, you're going to compromise in relationships of any kind. You should be compromising. It's healthy. No one's the same. You got to meet in the middle. You're not going to sacrifice your mental health, okay? That's what you're not going to sacrifice. Love is safe. We'll all have our disagreements. We're going to have fights here and there.

(16:04)
We're human. There's a difference between that and a pattern of sacrifice, a pattern of chaos, a pattern of not feeling safe in your home every day. That is not love. So you were not crazy. You were conditioned. You were conditioned probably from an early age, and then it felt real nice and cozy, but it's not nice and cozy. And I'm here on the other side to say, guess what? You do actually get rid of that desire for intensity. I have the most steady, safe, calm husband in the world. I never would've guessed that from where I came from, and I can't tell you how amazing it feels, but I did a lot of work. So yes, this is for the people who are ready to do the work. So what can you ask yourself to reclaim the truth? Ask, did I feel emotionally safe in the relationship?

(17:13)
You're probably immediately going to say no. Most of you, unless you're still in a denial phase, which is fine. I'm here to tell you, if you're on this podcast, you didn't feel safe. Okay? Number two, did I feel free to grow and be myself? Do your own things. Did you get to choose what you wanted to do, what you wanted to wear, who you wanted to be? If you said, I want to change careers, was your partner okay with that? Did you feel free? And number three was their love based on who I was or what you gave them. And that could be just feeding their ego, accommodating them or was it on who you truly were?

(18:10)
And sometimes that's hard. You might have to navigate that for a few minutes to figure that out. But I know I walked on eggshells with my narcissist. There's a couple in my life, but one of them walked on major eggshells to accommodate them to do what they want to do because I just did it. It was not worth the fight or wanting to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it because I would either get punished or, yeah, punished is basically the outcome. Okay? So you deserve real love and real love does not break you. It's not that crumbling and putting together, and even when you crumble in a narcissistic, abusive situation, you're usually the one that has to put yourself back together. You might get a fake, I'm sorry, that's going to benefit them because they know how to work the abuse cycle, of course, and they might not say, sorry. A lot of people say narcissists never say sorry. They're never accountable. If they are desperate, they will give an apology, but it's not a true apology. It's not authentic. You can usually tell, but they may give one. If they're desperate, you're almost out the door. They absolutely may say, sorry, it might be an empty apology. It might not come with any sort of substantial reasoning behind it, or I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry you're hurt. It's bullshit, right?

(19:50)
So love is not controlling, as we've said here, right? It's not confusing. Did you feel confused as hell in your relationship? The ups, the downs, the I don't know what to do here. You deserve a love that lets you be you in your wholeness. Again, no one's perfect. We're going to have blips, but in general, you should be able to feel yourself and not go. Where the F did I go and it starts with you. You learning to love yourself seriously, fully, unapologetically. It's okay and it's hard. When you're coming out of these situations, you're conditioned to not put yourself first, to not love yourself, to think you're not worthy. They shove you down so far so they can have control over you. It's time for you look in the mirror and say, I deserve to more and I'm going to demand more. And that's okay. Christy said so. Christie says, so. Okay, so no more wondering if they loved you.

(21:16)
You get to decide, was it love or control? We know the answer. And look at this. You're deciding you are in control. Take that power back. Okay? I want you to just pretend there's a big golden energy and you're just pulling it in. This is your power, okay? You get to decide and you say, what kind of love am I choosing? Next? What will I tolerate? Safety, steadiness. Kindness, uplifting, empowering, joyful, consistent love. That's the love you are going to get and you're not going to settle for less. How would that feel? How would that feel in your body to have unconditional love? That was constant, consistent. You didn't have to question it. You didn't have to say, what did I do wrong? Or Is this my fault? Maybe it is. Or, oh, I'm crazy, I'm oversensitive, or, oh, I better not say what I'm thinking at all. No, we're not going to live like that anymore.

(22:35)
You are going to break out of those damn eggshells, shatter them, give them back to that narcissist. They can have their eggshells back. Thank you. And you are going to rise up. You are going to find that girl inside. You're going to find that fire that I know is in there, or you would not be here she is here, she's inside you and she's waiting, going, yes, I'm ready. I'm ready to live my life the way it should be lived. It's okay if you spent years doing something different, it brought you here. Do you understand? Yes. I went through years of all sorts of shit. Okay, but where am I now? I don't regret. I don't get mad. Yes, it sucks. So of course I feel bad for my younger self going through all of it, but I also know it led me here and I'm going to use it.

(23:31)
I have used it to live a life that most people don't get to live because I had to evaluate and go, what just happened? What's happened? Oh my goodness. I need to recreate a life. A dream life, honestly. And I know right now where you are, you might not be able to think of that life. Maybe you can. I hope you can. But back when I was in the situation or soon after, I couldn't imagine being in the life I'm in. But you have to be open enough to say, I want more. I want more for myself, and I do deserve more. I didn't deserve that. Okay? It is the past. We are going to let you live your you 2.0. That's what I call it, right? You 2.0 because it's still you. She's still in there, and that's going to be a part of your story. And that's okay. We are not going to grovel over all the years lost or we're just going to lose more time. And do not give that narcissist the satisfaction of taking one more damn minute.

(24:47)
Take that power back and say, what am I going to do now? I'm going to demand only the most amazing people in my life. I'm going to spend my time doing a job I love. I'm going to find the moments in the day for me. I'm going to choose to do whatever I want. I'm going to choose what shampoo I can use. I'm going to choose what vacation I want to go on. I am going to parent how I want to parent my own children. You get to be free. You get to be free. How would that feel? Just take that in for a moment. We're going to do Thursday. We're going to do, woo, I'm all hot and sweaty over here. Thursday, we're going to do thrive in five. If you're new to me, I do every Thursday a Thrive in five. It's five minutes or less of a little somatic healing, which is the body, right? We try to heal through the body. So we do meditation, we do breath work, we do visualizations, we can do sound healing. There's all sorts of stuff. So we are going to do one related to this on Thursday, which is great. We're going to actually apply this and imprint it into our bodies because all this talk is great. You might feel real motivated right now, but doing the somatic healing and ongoing work with me, that's where the transformation happens.

(26:15)
My clients shifts are out of this world. I'll be honest. Every call I have, pretty much, especially the ongoing clients where they've built up, they've been with me a month, two months, three months. I've had clients after a year. The transformation, you don't recognize yourself. That's what I want for you, no matter how you get it, if it's with me or someone else, get that one-on-one accountability and someone who knows what they're doing with yes mindset work, but also the body work, the somatic healing, because the body remembers everything. Mindset work is great, but doing the actual internal healing is going to give you those lasting results. I can't tell you the changes within my own life when I started doing the somatic healing. So again, all that information is always in my show notes. I hope this episode helped you share it with anyone that you think might need it if they've been in a toxic relationship, narcissistic abuse, and I just want you to really understand the power you have within you and how you get to decide what to do with that now.

(27:42)
Right? The past is the past you have now, and moving forward, what are you going to do? What do you want your life to look like five years from now, one year from now? Let's do one year. Five is a lot to think ahead, right? And one year from now, do you want to still be feeling like you're feeling or do you want to have a major transformation because you owe it to yourself, your kids, you owe it to. I mean, if you're a God person, God didn't put us here to suffer. He gives us all these beautiful things around us, these beautiful experiences, these beautiful tools in our little tool, tool bag. Tool bag. I was trying to say like backpack and bag at the same time.

(28:37)
We owe it to this life, to our higher self, whatever you want to call it. I owe it to God in my mind to not be lazy with my mental health, my growth. We are not stuck. You are not stuck. I've heard a lot of people saying, I'm stuck. I remember saying, I'm stuck. I'm here to tell you, you're only as stuck as you let yourself be. Yes, give yourself grace. But I'm here. You're here for a reason. So let me help grab your hand and guide you, whatever. You're already here. This is great. Give yourself a pat on the back for what you've done so far. Just listening is a great start, but you want a real transformation. Let's freaking go. Alright, I will see you in the next episode. Like I said, Thursday, thrive in five. We are going to do some body healing, good stuff.

(29:36)
And if you want to true transformation, you do have to do the work. You got to do the deeper work. So are you ready to do that? I'm ready for you. I'm ready, queen. Because everybody deserves to feel peace. Can you imagine feeling peace internally no matter what the hell's going on outside of you, you got peace and then you got freedom on top of it. You don't have the old stories in your head. You don't have the low self-esteem anymore. You don't have the decision fatigue. You don't have the, am I crazy? Was that real or not real? You don't have all the questions all the time. It's exhausting. Get out of your head. Let's transform. Okay? Alright, go look at my signup link and I will see you on Thursday.

3 Quick Shifts for Co-Parenting Peace (When You're Dealing with a Narcissist)

Thu, 17 Jul 2025 06:00:00 -0400

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🎙 What You’ll Learn:

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This 5-minute somatic practice will calm your nervous system fast — and help you reclaim your peace before the spiral takes over.

This is trauma-informed, body-based healing made simple.

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TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Well, hello Queens. It's ChristyJade here, and I am so excited for this episode. This co-parenting stuff is just, it is a hot topic right now. A lot of people needing this. So I decided I would do my Thrive in five this week related to it since I just did a whole episode on it Tuesday. If you missed it, go back. Listen to that, put in your saved episodes, listen to it later, but definitely catch that one. So if co-parenting is feeling like an emotional whiplash with a side of guilt, you're not alone, right? But today I am going to give you three quick but powerful mindset shifts to help you stay grounded, not get sucked into all their chaos, and try to parent as much as you can with peace, right? Even if they're not so peaceful. So we're going to try keep it as short as possible. Let's dive in.

(01:00)
Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen. This one's for you. All right? The old stop trying to be the bigger person all the time. This advice gets thrown around a lot, especially to women. But when you are dealing with a narcissist, they can use that against you. They will use that against you. So being the bigger person doesn't mean tolerating disrespect or avoiding boundaries. I'm the boundary queen. I love a good boundary. It means showing up with clarity. Calm, that's an important word here. Don't take that bait girls and values that protect your piece. So what does that look like? Instead of asking, how do I avoid upsetting them because we're sick of walking on the damn eggshells. That's why we're out of the situation.

(02:01)
Try something like what actually honors my mental health and models, emotional safety for my child, what honors my mental health and models, the emotional safety for my kiddo? Two very important things. Alright? Number two is a big one. I just talked about this today in one of my sessions. Let go of the idea that you're working together, right? I know you want a functional co-parenting situation. Who doesn't? Of course, that would be great. But with a narcissist, it's not reality. You might need to hear it louder. I might need to scream it. I don't feel like screaming, but I'll repeat it with a narcissist. It is not reality to have a functional co-parenting situation. You are not in a partnership. You're basically, I mean, let's be honest, in damage control constantly. So what works better than that? Parallel parenting. Have you heard of this? It's structured communication.

(03:10)
Very, very clear limits. A K, a boundaries and no fantasy of getting on the same page. You know what the good news is? You'll never be on the same page with a narcissist. That's actually good news because their pages suck. Okay? So stop chasing connection with someone who literally is committed to chaos. They don't connect in the same way we do. They don't get on the same page. So you got to choose the clarity, choose the structure, right? Take the emotion out of it and choose you and your child's piece. The third shift, reframe their chaos. And I love this. I always think of it this way. It's noise, but it's background noise. It's not just noise. Let it be in the background when they start baiting you, which they do on text, guilt tripping you through your kids. Pause. Pause. Can we all get that tattooed all over our bodies?

(04:07)
Pause. Breathe. Imagine their voice like static on a radio. It's like Charlie Brown's teacher. You don't have to tune in. That's the good thing. That's their radio station. You don't have to answer right away. I know you have the compulsion. You were conditioned to feel like you had to due to fear. We're going to stomp that fear. No, you do not have to answer right away. You don't have to answer at all unless it's related to the child's wellbeing or immediate situation with the child, right? So use the three question test. Maybe you should write some notes here on this one or save it and go back to it and write some notes if you're not in a place to, but this is a good one to write notes on. Three question, test one, is it about the child? I'm saying if they're coming to communicate to you and you don't want to deal with their noise, is it about the child first?

(05:09)
Is it urgent? Three, does it truly require a response? If the answer is not a clear yes, breathe, it can wait or totally ghosted, I vote for ghosted if you can, right? Okay, so I know it's not easy. You are doing better than you think, though you are. You're here, right? And this situation, I want to say this. Can I bold my words? This situation does not need to control you. This situation does not need to control you. Your nervous system matters, right? So that's why we do the somatic stuff. All the somatic work. If you want to work with me one-on-one, I'll put link in my description of the podcast. Your boundaries matter. Oh, do you guys know? Also, I have a new boundaries pocket guide and it's free. I will put that for sure in the show notes too. All these things just keep, they think of all the things I can help you with.

(06:19)
So excuse me, it's just so relevant. But the boundaries thing, I'm so excited. I just created this. It's a brand new thing. It's awesome. So go check it out and your piece matters. Your piece matters. Say it over and over. Make that an affirmation. Guys. Write it in lipstick on your mirror. So every time you look at your beautiful face, whether you're brushing your teeth or popping a pimpy, your piece matters. You can parent powerfully. Even if that other parent is toxic. Bad news bears, you still can, I promise. So like I said, if you want deeper support, I'll put the link there. You can go listen to the full episode of Tuesday's episode with setting Boundaries with a narcissistic co-parent. Start here, right? That's Tuesdays and I break it all down. There's some little scripts and boundary strategies that actually work with someone like this who we're talking about that dreaded narc. So find it all in the show notes, or you can search narcissistic abuse recovery. But if you're listening to this, you probably already found this stuff. You already found the goods. So you've got this. I believe in you. Do you believe in you? Hand on heart. Say, I believe in me, I'm a queen. Go ahead. I'm waiting louder.

(07:45)
Oh, I did hear you. Alright, I will talk to you in the next episode. That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Setting Boundaries with a Narcissistic Co-Parent? Start Here.

Tue, 15 Jul 2025 06:00:00 -0400

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This guide is your first step to saying nope with confidence—and meaning it.

—

🎧 EPISODE BREAKDOWN:

Let’s be honest—co-parenting with a narcissist is next-level. You’re not just managing a schedule… you’re managing chaos, manipulation, and emotional landmines.

In this episode, I’m breaking down:

The #1 mindset shift that will change the game
Boundaries that actually work with a narcissistic co-parent
Scripts and strategies to stay calm, clear, and in control
Why traditional co-parenting advice fails (and what to do instead)

This is your permission slip to stop playing nice and start protecting your peace.

—

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Let’s connect:
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👉 Book your private session → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing

---

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Feeling Hooked by the Narcissist Again? Do This to Reclaim Your Power in 5 Minutes

Thu, 10 Jul 2025 06:00:00 -0400

👉 Book your private session → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing

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---

When a narcissist gets in your head, it can feel impossible to think straight — let alone feel safe in your body. But you don’t have to stay stuck in that spiral.

In this short but powerful Thrive in 5, I’ll walk you through a calming reset to help you:

Ground your nervous system
Detach from their drama
Reconnect with your truth and worth

Perfect for those moments when you feel triggered, confused, or tempted to re-engage. Pop in your earbuds, take a few deep breaths, and come back to your power. 👑

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five. Your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello queens. It's thriving five time today. We're resetting your nervous system. Oh, I love a good reset. If you've been spiraling with thoughts, like why do they act like that? Did I overreact? Am I the crazy one first? No, you're not. Right? But let's take a breath. Let's calm our energy because we're going to reset. So take an inhale through your nose and exhale. Okay. When you feel ready, put your hand on your heart or your belly, whichever feels more grounding to you. And we're going to do a halo breath. That's a nice deep breath in through your nose. Inhale. Hold that for 3, 2, 1. Exhaling slowly like you're blowing out a candle. Let's do that one more time. Inhale. Hold. 3, 2, 1. Exhaling like you're blowing that candle. Alright, now say this with me. You can say it out loud or silently. I always like to say things out loud, but that's just me and some of you. Okay, so repeat after me. Their behavior is not a reflection of my worth.

(01:44)
Good. Okay. Repeat after me again. I am not responsible for their dysfunction. Good. And now I choose peace over chaos. I detach to protect. Awesome. Now gently tap your chest with your first two fingertips. Either hand just a light rhythm. This actually helps calm your vagus nerve and signals safety to your body. This is something you can use if you've just gotten a text from your asshole co-parent or your actual parent, your mom or your dad, that might be toxic. Your boss gently tapping your chest with your fingertips, lightly letting your breath calm. And as you tap, you can repeat. I am safe.

(03:03)
I am strong. I see truth. Now let's do that again. I am safe. I am strong. I see the truth. Now if emotion rises up, let it. Tears are not weakness. They're release. Okay? Tears are release. You have a lot of stuff stuck up in that bode. Alright? We're here to let it out. When you understand why the narcissist acts the way they do, you don't have to keep reliving it. You can recognize the patterns. We don't need to know every in and out. But when you recognize the patterns, it helps you don't owe them your confusion, okay? You owe you some clarity on it, right? But that doesn't mean they need your confusion. You just get clear with the patterns. Okay? You are safe. You are strong. You can see that truth now, okay? And if you haven't, well let's take a breath and kind of come back here.

(04:30)
Take an inhale halo through the nose and release and carry that peaceful feeling through the day, right? And if you didn't listen to Tuesday's episode, it's a good one. It's might be one of the favorite ones I've done in a while. It's really talking about why they do what they do and the patterns. I think it'll be really helpful for you if you've not listened to that and paired with this. It's a good week of episodes. I'm like in this week. Okay, so you got this queen, you got it. Look at your crown. All shiny. Look at you looking all cute. Okay, you got it. We're here and we are here. Do you know about that Facebook private group? Go join it. Link is always in the show notes and so are ways to work with me. Alright, I will see you in the next episode.

(05:32)
That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast, you don't miss a moment and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Why Do Narcissists Act Like That? Understanding Their Mind Games So You Can Finally Detach

Tue, 08 Jul 2025 06:00:00 -0400

👉 Book your private session → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing

🔥 50% OFF Empowered Boundaries Course — through July 12th!
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---

🎧 **Episode: Why Do Narcissists Act Like That? Understanding Their Mind Games So You Can Finally Detach**

Ever felt blindsided by a narcissist’s hot-and-cold behavior? One minute they’re charming, the next they’re cruel — and you're left wondering what just happened. In this episode, we break down *why* narcissists behave the way they do, what really drives their mind games, and how understanding their psychology can help you finally stop taking it personally.

You’ll learn:
- What narcissists truly fear (hint: it’s not what you think)
- Why they punish, manipulate, and gaslight — even when they “seem fine”
- The emotional patterns behind their toxic behavior
- How this knowledge helps you detach and reclaim your peace

Let’s decode the dysfunction and take your energy back.

---

👑 **Work with Me 1:1:**
• Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
• Somatic Sparkle Healing Sessions → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing

🧘 **Freebies & Resources:**
• 4-Minute Mood Boost Meditation → https://christyjade.ck.page/insider
• #NotMyShit Journal on Amazon → https://amzn.to/46dDSYk

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Ever found yourself asking Why are they like this? The lies, the cold shoulder, the gaslighting. It can feel like a dang roller coaster. You never asked to ride. But what if I told you there is a method to the madness? Today we're digging into the psychology of the narcissist so you can stop blaming yourself and start breaking free. Stay tuned. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:01)
Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. All right, Queens. If you are here, you probably had your piece hijacked by a narcissist or maybe a few. If you're lucky. One like me, so many of us, you probably spent way too much time trying to figure them out. What makes them tick? Why do they hurt people? Do they know they're doing it? So today I'm handing you the emotional decoder ring. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a real one? Yeah. So we're going to go inside the narcissist mind, not to fix them, but to free you.

(01:57)
I'm going to repeat that again. Not to fix them, but to free you. We do not have control over them. So when you understand what drives their behavior, it stops feeling as personal and it stops being as confusing, and that's where you get your power back. Okay, so let's start here. Narcissists are not just confident jerks. They've got this branding on them. Oh, they're just these arrogant jerks, right? I think at this point, hopefully it's more than that, but maybe you don't. So let's talk about underneath that. What is it right underneath that arrogance? It is deep, deep, deep insecurity. That's the irony of it. They're so insecure. They have a mask they wear of arrogance that even they technically can buy into their own mask. So they have a very fragile sense of self and a desperate, desperate need for control. What do I always say?

(02:57)
They're always trying to either get control if they don't have it or see if they do have control or get that control back. If they don't have it and they need the admiration, you need to beef them up or else. And power, essentially, control and power go hand in hand. So most narcissists have this internal belief. They're either superior or worthless. There's no middle ground, but most of them, I would say in my experience from my knowledge, is that they really are building a false sense to cover the shame of who they think they are. And they demand constant validation to keep that false self alive. Imagine if you're holding this mask up to your face, you're holding it, and if you don't get fed the beliefs that you're amazing and you're this and that, and you're so great and you don't push someone else down to gain the power, you drop the mask.

(03:57)
So you have to be constantly fed. So this is what we call the narcissistic supply. Maybe you've heard that. Get comfy with that name. That is very common. Narcissistic supply. They need the supply. They need to be fed. So here are six truths about how they think and operate. Number one, we know this control, control, control. It equals safety to them. They do not feel safe unless they're in control of people. The narrative, the stories, and the emotions. So if you're unpredictable or you set a boundary, woo, that threatens their power because then they're not in control. If someone's giving them rules, them boundaries, Uhuh, they do not like that. So what do they do? I call 'em the punisher. Remember that song? Punisher? What you looking for? Okay, the punishers. So they will punish or manipulate you to regain the control. They often do both.

(05:07)
So you've probably been a victim of both the punishment and the manipulation. Okay, so number two, empathy is seen as weakness. So they're not wired to truly feel others'. Pain, and usually we know this. That's another pretty glaring sign of narcissists that they're not empathetic. Some of them will mimic empathy and that can get confusing, but it's kind of more of a performative thing. If you get familiar with it, you can usually tell the difference after a while and it serves a purpose. It's not just like, oh, man, I feel so bad for that person or that animal, or, oh, how we might feel. They have empathy to serve a purpose, to win, trust, to make you think they're like that. So you will trust and relate to them to disarm you or whoever they're dealing with, or to keep you around because they know you prefer people who have empathy like most of the world.

(06:11)
Okay, number three, they fear abandonment more than anything. Anything I can think of. This one particular narcissist in my life, oh my goodness, the fear of abandonment is real in all aspects of their life, and they are someone also who can never be alone. So often they will maybe cheat if they're having trouble with someone they're with. Why do they cheat? Because they feel like they maybe don't want to be in this situation anymore, but they sure as hell don't want to be alone. So what do they do? They cheat and find someone else to replace that person so they won't be left alone. They don't want to be alone. Even though their behavior pushes people away, their biggest fear is being left. So they're going to do it before the other person does it. So they test you. Have you been tested? Do you know what that means?

(07:06)
I can think of experiences. Oh, where people have pushed me away. It is very obvious. Once I knew narcissism, I actually have had a friend in the past. After I really know what narcissism was, I realized this one friend of mine was probably a narcissist, and then I realized, yes, this is a huge thing, is the testing. They will test you to see how hard you'll fight for them. Basically what you'll put up with to prove that you're not going to leave them and abandon them. What did I say? I said F that I will abandon you. Bye-bye. Okay. They also breadcrumb, right? So they'll give you little crumbs of, oh, you're so special. You're the best love bombing. In a way, the obvious love bombs too, but the breadcrumbs are the more subtle things that keep you around thinking, oh, see, they're pretty good, and oh, they do think I'm special.

(08:01)
There is a connection between us, but they do it all to see if you will chase them and it's sick, and I hate that part about them. I hate most parts about them. Alright, number four, shame drives everything. Most narcissists are drowning in unhealed shame, but instead of facing it, they deflect it onto who? Not themselves. They're not known for accountability. Are they new? So they will deflect it onto others. That could be the person they're romantically involved with. That could be the waiter or waitress that's working at their table. That's why you end up apologizing for their behavior. They will flip the script. They will lie, they'll blame. They'll project. They will twist. What say to the point you're like, wait, is this my hold on? Is this my fault? Did that happen? They make you so mind screwed that you don't even know top from bottom when you're done with them.

(09:09)
Number five, they see people as extensions. This is really important. This is something that I learned as I got education and really looked from the outside in on the other side of things. Really got more of a idea that wasn't as obvious, I guess, as the things like, oh, they want control that you learn pretty quickly, but they see people as extensions, so you're not seen as a separate autonomous person. So this can be very common if you have a narcissistic parent, you are an extension of them. But this also can happen in romantic situations or best friendships, those really codependent best friendships. So you are either useful to their ego or you are a threat to it. So when you stop doing what they want, when they want, how they want on their terms, when you stop walking on eggshells, damn sick of it, which is what I did with a specific friend, guess what?

(10:11)
They start to devalue you and they try to also, what this particular person did, and I don't know if I really have this in this set of things, but another thing they will do is make sure that you know how important they are to you and that you need them. That's something that happened, right? So when they feel you start to pull away, they're also probably going to try to remind you how you need them and almost are undeserving of them, especially in romantic situations. You hear a lot of, oh, you'll never find someone like me. Actually, my ex-boyfriend went and on our last breakup, yes, of course you know the drill. If you're with a narcissist, you're going to have a few breakups. On our last breakup, he said to me, you will never find someone like me. And I said, thank God. Boom.

(11:08)
Drop the mic. There's a line for you. Alright? But anyway, getting back to seeing people as extensions, right? So that's romantic situation, friendship, anything, and you stop doing what they want, you stop or you start calling them out or saying, why are you doing this? Instead of just being submissive about things that you've been conditioned to do, they hate it, right? No, no. They start to devalue you and really start to again, flip the script, gaslight, all of that. Number six, they don't want healing. I'll say it again. They do not want healing. They want power. This is for a lot of people, the hardest truth to accept, but most narcissists, and I don't have an exact percentage, you guys, but it's very, very low, very low.

(12:01)
I love to have faith in people. Believe me, I'm a healing wisher, narcissists. I will pray all day. I still pray for a narcissist that was in my life every single night that they find peace. But most of them will never, ever change because they don't want to heal. That's not what they're here for. We're here to grow, right? I love growing every day. I love watching my life grow and flourish and take accountability and say, oh, you know what? I used to do this and now I don't. That's beautiful because I'm not here to win. They want to win. Their insecurities are so severe, they have to win to feel safe. Remember going back to that earlier, I forget what number was that?

(12:54)
Basically they're not feeling safe unless they're in control. Number one, it was number one, right? The control aspect, they just don't feel safe unless they're in control and they're winning, they need to win. So why does all this matter? Because when you finally understand it is not about you, and that can hurt in a way too. I get it right? You think you're special and you have this connection. I get that part is really hard, and we will get to healing that. But when you flip that in a positive way, it's not you. It's not not the crazy one. You're not X, y, Z. This is all them. But when you do that, the fog starts to lift. You stop twisting yourself in knots, trying to be good enough for the narc. You stop explaining yourself to someone who's committed to misunderstanding you. It's not even that they misunderstand you, right?

(13:56)
They put on a facade of misunderstanding you. They play dumb. They play confused or twist things. They know exactly what they're doing though. But when you're in it, you think they're misunderstanding you and you're explaining yourself, no, but that's not what I meant and did it. No, we're done explaining ourselves to anyone. Stop hoping for closure from someone who can't even be honest with themselves. These people really have a severe deficiency. See, they're not even real with themselves. They're not going to be real with you. They're always going to lie. They're always going to switch, flip the switch, whatever. They're always going to love bomb. They're always going to abuse that very, very minute amount of narcissists that get help. It's such a small amount. I don't even want to mention it, but I like to have a little tiny bit of hope. But in general, I'm telling you statistically, guys, if you're having hope, it's a way better bet to bet on yourself being okay getting out of the situation you're in, if you're still in it or healing from it and being able to say, I know I'm better off.

(15:19)
That's what you should be betting on. The statistics are way higher for people surviving after narcissistic abuse and healing than staying with one and the narcissist actually changing. First of all, if that even happened, it would take probably decades and your damage would be so much worse. So my advice is always get the fuck out. So I want you today to take away this. You didn't cause their behavior. You can't change their wiring and you don't need to understand every move. That's the thing. We've got to get out of our heads here. You're not going to think your way out of narcissistic abuse.

(16:09)
That's why we do somatic healing. Check my notes. Sign up for a session with me. You change from the body. The body remembers. You feel it in your body, don't you? Yeah. That's where we need to really heal, and we can do coaching all day long too. I love to, but the body is where it's at. So you just don't need to understand everything and figure everything out. You're not going to, you can understand from a zoomed out lens who a narcissist is, even stuff like this today, right? Understanding them a little more and a little insight goes a long way to help you detach, helping protect that piece. That's what this is about. You're not here to change them. You're not here to make them understand. You're not even here to say, I'm going to call you out and show you. I know what you're fucking doing. That can be how it feels when you start to heal. You want to do that and want to be like, oh, now I know, and no, this is about peace. How can you have peace? How can you control your end of things? How can you stop internalizing their dysfunction?

(17:20)
How do you stop internalizing their dysfunction? It's all this stuff. Listening to me and other people talk about it, learning about it, getting coaching with me, getting somatic healing with me. Somatic healing is fire. I love talking about it. It's magic. But this episode isn't about that. We can go there, but I want to finish this up. Getting a little lengthy. I try to keep this under 20 minutes. So look, this is about liberation, not a diagnosis, right? It's about the truth, your truth, the real truth, not their truth. Their truth is a fake truth. They're fake. They have a facade. So if you want to go deeper, of course, look at my show notes to see if you would like to do coaching. If you do somatic healing, we can do a combination. If you have questions about working with me or I have an Empowered Boundaries course, I actually still have not taken the coupon code off that.

(18:27)
So it's your lucky. It's your lucky day. Maybe I'll keep this through the week. One more week. I know people are vacationing. Keep it one more week. It's 50% off. That's insane. I don't do that. I don't do that for this course. I don't think I've ever done 50% off till this month. If you need help setting boundaries, it's an amazing course for a good price right now. So always look at my show notes to see how to work with me, and you can also email me. My email is in there. It's fierce Mama C at Gmail, okay? So I would love to help you reset your nervous system, set boundaries and actually feel powerful. They take it, they take our power. I get it, and I'd love to help you feel in whatever way that is. You let me know, email me. We can do a customized program.

(19:18)
I do it some of my clients where we do coaching and somatic. Or if you just want to do the body work, you just want to do the coaching, whatever feels good to you, also, please click the little follow button. If you're not following my podcast, follow it actually helps you, but it helps me too. Let's help each other. It helps me reach more women that need this help. And this is like there's a lot of us out there. So if I can help more and more people, that would be amazing. So if you can help me get there by taking 20 seconds to scroll around and find that little follow button, the algorithm actually does make that. So the more people that do that, the more followers I have, the more they spit me out to show other women who are also searching for narcissistic abuse help to get my podcast.

(20:13)
So I love helping. So I'm going to definitely have you guys help me and it'll help you because you'll get notification of all my podcasts. Yay. Alright? So don't forget, Thursdays are Thrive in Five. I usually have them related to our Tuesday episodes. So it's like maybe a somatic exercise or experience, five minutes or under, and to just get a little body work in on your own. So until then, protect that energy. Put a big, shiny, golden love bubble around you. Protect yourself. Love your future self and your past self, right? Give her grace. None of this is your fault. None of this is your fault. I've seen so many people say, oh, why would they stay in that situation? They don't get it. They don't have to get it F them, okay? You know why you stayed? It was scarier to leave probably for many reasons. I get it. I get you. Okay. You're not broken, you're just waking up. Alright, Queens, love you. See you in the next episode.

How to Spot a Narcissist in 60 Seconds

Thu, 03 Jul 2025 06:00:00 -0400

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Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:

Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions (mentioned in episode):

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

All right, Queens. So we're here today to talk about how to spot a narcissist. You don't need a psychology degree to know something feels off in under 60 seconds today. Let's break down the one trait to watch for no matter what type of narcissist you're dealing with, welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen, this one's for you. So ulnar narcissists, covert, overt, communal, or malignant have one thing in common. They violate your boundaries and then make you question yourself for having any. So whether it's the passive guilt tripping or outright crazy rage, they will do whatever it takes to stay in control, right? We no doubt about all narcissists is they need control, and if they don't have it, they're going to try to get away.

(01:09)
Find a way to get it right, and it's very exhausting. So here's what you can do. Take note of how you feel after every interaction with this person. If you feel drained, anxious, confused, or like you're constantly apologizing, trust that your nervous system is picking up on what your brain is trying to rationalize. I'm going to say that again. Your nervous system is picking up on what your brain is trying to rationalize, right? They're a little separate, our brain and our body. So it can take a second for our nervous system to pick up on what's going on. So you breathe, you exhale, and you wait and see how you feel. And if you feel like your boundaries have been violated, you remind yourself, I am allowed to have boundaries. I am not the problem. Right? So there's also a quote that I love that I'm going to share with you.

(02:25)
Maybe you've heard it. It's a good one. Especially it comes to narcissists and keeping a distance from them. It's a good reminder. The people who don't like you having any boundaries are those who benefit from you having none. Drop the mic, right? So that is something to pay attention to if they're violating your boundaries and if you set boundaries, how they make you feel about that, right? All of these things go hand in hand. You're feeling drained, anxious, confused, constantly apologizing, right? You may have brief windows of when they're love bombing you or trying to make you feel ultra special just to get you to the next encounter where they suck you dry because you are feeding them. So if you have that pattern, you don't want that pattern. Nobody wants that pattern. So if you have that pattern, get away from that pattern. Come on, go listen to more episodes.

(03:34)
And speaking of more episodes, if you want the full breakdown on those four narcissistic types that I mentioned, the covert, overt, communal, or malignant, and how to protect your piece from each one, go listen to Tuesday's episode. Which narcissist are you dealing with? So you can figure out which kind you're dealing with, how to deal with them. Alright, I hope you enjoyed this brief yet, hopefully empowering podcast episode. And as a reminder, I have my regular episodes on Tuesdays and then our Thrive in Fives on Thursdays. And if you would please to help me out and to help you out, find that follow button if you are not following and go check, because sometimes I've had people think they're following my podcast and they aren't, right? So just go double check that you are in fact following. And as always, any information on working with me one-on-one or purchasing My Empowered Boundaries course will always be in the podcast description box. And I hope you have a fabulous, fabulous day. And I hope that if you do spot a narcissist, you run. Alright, see you in the next episode.

(04:54)
That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment. And check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Which Narcissist Are You Dealing With? Unmasking the 4 Types That Wreck Your Peace

Tue, 01 Jul 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:

Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions (mentioned in episode):

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Ever wondered why your narcissist experience feels different than someone else's? One moment they're charming. The next, they're ice, cold or worse playing the victim. In today's episode, we're breaking down the four main types of narcissists and how each one uniquely wrecks your piece. How lovely of them. So if you've been confused, stuck or second guessing your reality, girl, I've been there, but the clarity is coming. So let's go. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and drive ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here. To feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:04)
Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself. Again, this podcast is for you, so steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Welcome back to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast where we reclaim peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse. I'm your host, Christy Jaden. Today we're calling out the many faces of narcissism because not all narcissists look the same. Some are loud and in your face, some hide behind fake humility. Some are so covert you don't even realize what's happening until you've become a shell of who you used to be. So we're going to shine a light on these patterns and help you name the one you're dealing with or healing from.

(02:04)
And queen naming it is a very powerful first step to taking your peace back. So you might be wondering, does it really matter what kind of narcissist I dealt with? My answer is yes. That's why we're here. So because the way a covert narcissist manipulates you is wildly different from how an overt one does, and if you don't understand the specific tactics used on you, you may keep replaying those wounds in your mind thinking it was your fault. So understanding the type brings clarity, which brings relief. We like that you love a little relief. Yeah, language to describe your experience and empowerment, to set those specific boundaries. That's the really, really, that's the gold right here. Or in some cases going full. No contact. If you are in a space, you can do that. So let's get into it. Number one, the overt narcissist. We can call this the obvious one.

(03:09)
This is the one most people think of loud, arrogant, controlling, often very aggressive signs of that include bragging constantly like, oh yeah, and I got this house and I got this car. Or oh, even. It could even be an extension to their children. Oh, my kid does this and that, and yes, and I did that when I was young and goes on and on. Everything is about them and everything is grandiose. Then demeaning others to feel superior. They could be talking about people at their job. You could experience it. You're out with them to eat, and they're treating the wait staff like trash. They're putting other people down. The third thing is outbursts. When they are criticized, this is a big one. If you're familiar with walking on eggshells, this is probably them. They wanted control and admiration at all costs. So if they're criticized at all, even just a teensy bit, they are going to turn not happy real quick.

(04:19)
Okay, number two is the covert narcissist. This is the victim. This one is sneakier. They seem kind, soft spoken, maybe even shy sometimes, but underneath they play the victim. They use guilt to control the guilt trips. Those are just the worst, aren't they? And they will emotionally withdraw as punishment. This one is huge. So think about that. Is the covert narcissist in your life? This is one of the big signs, emotionally withdrawing. You might not have seen that it was punishment, but it is. So we're starting to connect some dots here. You may have found yourself constantly apologizing and never feeling quite good enough, even though they acted like you were the problem. Okay? So you're apologizing when you feel like maybe you didn't do anything, but they're making you out to be the problem. Okay? So the third is the communal narcissist. This is the saint.

(05:36)
They look like the good guy we talked about in a very recent episode. They can very much be the goodbye. A good guy, I can't speak today, maybe a pastor, a teacher, a charity worker. They look great. They're a saint to the outside world. They help others to be seen as a hero, though, not because they genuinely care. And if you're really close to them, you can see signs of that. But they'll say things like, I do so much for everyone and no one appreciates me. And this is a pattern, and this is a personality trait. So I just want to shout out to a lot of you moms here, we all might say that at some point, right? In our homes. So this isn't like anyone who ever says, no one appreciates me. We have our moments. This is a pattern, it's a personality trait.

(06:38)
And they do it with many people that are close to them behind closed doors, and in a manipulative way. This isn't just a raw meltdown because they've just reached the end of the rope and they're having a hard day. This is a common thing for the communal narcissist. It's manipulation, masked as virtue. Okay, look at all I do and woe is me. Okay? Number four, this is, ugh, the malignant narcissist, the dangerous one. They're all dangerous, but this is a step up. This one combines narcissism with aggression and maybe violence. So first, they actually enjoy watching others suffer.

(07:34)
Number two, on this, they can be emotionally or physically abusive. That obviously steps it up in the danger zone. And a lot of people come to me complaining about gaslighting. Ding, ding, ding. Here we are. They often gaslight and intimidate. If you felt scared or emotionally destroyed in the dynamic of the relationship you were in, please know you are not crazy. And I know you're probably starting to figure that out, but it can take a minute. You were dealing with the darkest kind of narcissist, okay? Think about that narcissist. I mean all around. Not good news. And you were dealing with the darkest kind and healing from this takes serious support and self-compassion, of course. So be good to yourself. Give yourself grace during this time. So what if you heard all those and you're not really sure? Sometimes they don't fit neatly into a little narcissist box.

(08:49)
You might see traits from multiple types, and that is totally fine. The point isn't to label them with an exact name, right? One of these four or else, no. It's to understand what was done to you, how it impacted you, and how to reclaim your voice and your power now. So if you're still asking, well, why do I feel so broken after someone who seemed nice? Chances are you were dealing with a covert or a communal narcissist, and naming it isn't just validating, it is freeing. You can now know that and research even more. And I'll be doing more episodes. And obviously if you want to work one-on-one with me, we can go deeper into the specifics of the person you were in relationship with or that you're healing from. So we know what next steps to take specifically for you. So if you want to work one-on-one with me, I always have my link in there to do that.

(09:57)
And if you are learning how to set boundaries with any of these narcissists, I have my Empowered Boundaries Course. Guys, this is 50% off because I don't know if I actually announced it on my podcast. I sent an email out, but I don't know if I announced it. So I'm going to extend it for a few more days. 50% off, which I don't think I've ever done that. If I did, it was a very long time ago. 50% off My Empowered Boundaries course. This is for any type of narcissist, how to set boundaries and not just with narcissists, with anyone, toxic with anyone, period in your life. So go check that out. It gives all the details and it's 50% off for a few more days. So get in there and grab your spot if you want that it is prerecorded, which is beautiful, you can do it at your own pace and always email me with questions.

(10:56)
My email is always in the description box of the podcast in the show notes. So I hope this was helpful. If you want to go deeper, obviously sign up for one-on-one with me for coaching and that boundaries course. If you need, just help straightening up your boundaries, but you're not alone, you're not crazy and queen, you are coming back to life. I see you. I see your sparkle from here, okay? Alright. Until next time, stay strong. Let me see, let me see those muscles. Okay, queen, look at her. All glittery and strong. It's a beautiful combo and you got it. Alright, stay smiling and I will see you on Thursday's episode. Don't forget, please, please follow me on my podcast. It actually helps me reach more people and I love that. So if you could take just 30 seconds, if you are not following my podcast, please go to wherever you're watching it.

(11:53)
Just scroll. It'll be sometimes they hide it a little. If you can just find whatever it says, follow so you can follow it. It really helps my algorithm to reach more people and it'll help and get that notification every time I post, which in this case will be Thursday because we do our thrive in five on Thursdays, which if you don't know, is some form of somatic healing that's healing from the body. Just short little exercises to do to help you get through this really tough time. Alright, I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, go ahead. Always feel free to share it with someone who could use it. I know sometimes we have friends or family members that also are going through a similar situation, so feel free to send them this and they can follow it too. Alright? The more people that can get this information, the less narcissists get away with, the more we shine the light on this, right? So let's make this a damn revelation revolution. Yeah, I'm tired guys. Alright, I will see you in the next episode. Keep that chin up and that crown high.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Thrive in 5 Anxiety Reset

Thu, 26 Jun 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions (mentioned in episode):

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello Queens. Welcome to your anxiety reset. So if your thoughts are racing, your chest feels tight, or your energy is just all over the place, this is for you. And you don't need to fix everything. You just need to come home to yourself right here, right now, in this moment. So let's just take a few minutes to shift your state. So first, I invite you to place your feet flat on the ground barefoot if you can. And this can be inside your home, or if you want to pause and run outside, maybe behind your house or maybe, hey, if you want to go out into the woods and be free, go do that. But feeling the earth, the ground underneath you wiggle your toes. Now imagine roots growing from the soles of your feet down deep into the floor or earth beneath you. And you can say this out loud or silently, and you can repeat after me. I am supported. I am grounded. I am here.

(01:21)
Okay, and take a deep breath as you let your body just land. Now let's do a calming breath pattern. Today. We're going to inhale through our nose for four seconds, and we're going to hold it for two. And exhale for six. So 4, 2, 6. Inhale through your nose. 4, 3, 2, 1. Hold for one, two, exhale, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And you can repeat this three times. Each time you exhale, imagine letting go of another layer of tension. And while you do these breaths, 4, 2, 6, I will speak to you with a little affirmation. So inhale four. With every breath I return to peace. I don't need to rush, I just need to breathe.

(02:41)
All right, and we'll finish up our last inhalation and exhalation. Beautiful. Now we open the throat where stress and unspoken emotions, any of you have some of those they love to hide in the throat, right? So let's take a deep breath in, and this time, as you exhale, make a sound. Any sound, inhale could be a sigh, a hum, or a soft ah. Whatever it is, just let your body guide you. It will, you've got to feel free about this. Don't be shy. We're all here together. Let's do that again. Opening the throat, take a deep breath in and exhale, whatever. I sounded like a police siren. Whatever comes out is correct. It's right for you. All right, one more time. As you're inhaling, exhaling, I'm going to speak in affirmation to you. It's safe to let it out. My voice helps me heal. Yes. Now place your hands over your heart and your belly. Gently press in and feel your body rise and fall with your breath. And this time you can do it. If you want to inhale through your nose and out your mouth, that halo breath is my favorite. You're welcome to do that. Or if you just want to breathe at a normal pace or extra deep, whatever feels good for you, and I'm going to speak affirmations over you.

(04:45)
I am safe in this moment. I am connected to myself. Peace lives in me. I love that peace lives in me. Let yourself sit in that for just a few more seconds. Peace lives in me. Yeah. How do you feel You did that? Five minutes. One nervous system shift and a powerful reminder. Your body knows the way home. It can find its way home if you give it a little space. If you want more tools like this, don't forget to tune in and follow my podcast. So go poke around. Sometimes they make it hard to find, but it's really important to help you be able to get the notifications every podcast that comes out. But also, do you know, it helps our podcasts, us podcasters, it us actually reach more people. When you hit follow, it helps the algorithm so that I am able to help more amazing queens like you.

(06:08)
So if you wouldn't mind for yourself and for me, little Christie, Jade over here, if you could just find that follow button, I would so appreciate it. I'll give you the biggest, biggest air hug ever. And who doesn't want a little nervous system reset and a hug. Right. Alright. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. And I'm so proud of you for taking just these few minutes every Thursday. This is the Thrive in Five. Save these episodes. You can always go back to your favorites to just get a little reset. We all could use it.

He Was Nice… So Why Do I Feel So Broken? The Truth About ‘Good Guy’ Narcissists

Tue, 24 Jun 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions (mentioned in episode):

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello Queens. Do you ever look back and think, well, he didn't cheat, or he didn't hit me, or he didn't X, Y, Z. Fill in the blank. So why do I feel like I'm still healing from a damn war? Let's talk about the nicer narcissists, the ones who smiled while they crushed your self-worth. Yeah, we're going to go there today. Stay tuned. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:00)
Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. All right, so let's talk about this nice guy or nice girl narcissist. They exist, right? And I have had my own experience with one of them and to the outside world, they are awesome. When you first meet them. They can be very awesome and charismatic and almost overly attentive in a way to you, but they end up as you get closer, and it can happen pretty quickly. As you get closer and more familiar with them and they get you under their thumb or in their spider web, whatever you want to call it, it can really shift and it can be a slow shift, or sometimes it can be a quick shift depending on how much control they feel they have, at what level they have control of you and feel like you're starting to be somewhat dependent.

(02:23)
This can be romantic relationship, obviously, but there's also friendships that can be like this, or even boss situation ships, which is, I did have a situation like that where I thought I had the best boss ever until it quickly turned, and so that's a story for another time. But I feel you. I know what it feels like and you're like, they were a good guy, right? Maybe they never even yelled. They didn't lay a hand on you. Maybe they brought you flowers, polite to your friends, said they wanted to whine and dine you. So why do you feel so confused, manipulated, lost, whatever you want to call it. The truth is, just because someone looks and acts kind doesn't always mean they are safe, emotional abuse, isn not about the volume, it's about the control. There's subtle erosion. I'm going to repeat that. It's about control, and there is subtle erosion.

(03:29)
Like I said, it can be quick, but usually it's a more subtle erosion unless they really rope you in fast. So that's exactly what the nice narcissists do best. So if you're wondering whether what you went through was bad enough to call abuse, let me tell you this with love, if you feel broken, if you feel like you lost yourself, if you're second guessing, your worth, your memory, right? Are you wondering, did that happen that way? Maybe I'm remembering it wrong. Your reality. That is enough. These covert narcissists, the good guys, they don't throw plates. They throw confusion. Okay? Look, they don't often yell. They withhold, they gaslight, they guilt trip. They charm the room. Like I said, they can be very charismatic and they make you feel like the crazy one. When you get upset, show any emotion, right? So let's break it down. Here are some signs that you were dealing with a nice guy, narcissist, or maybe you're currently in this situation. First of all, they rarely show anger, but you're always the one apologizing, right? So there is that shift of they might not show outward anger, but you always end up apologizing and kind of tiptoeing walking on eggshells.

(05:11)
Two, they weaponized guilt, but I was just trying to help you, right? They're weaponizing guilt, and that's similar to three where they play the victim, I do everything for you and you're still not happy. Does that sound familiar? Number four, they're liked by everyone else. So you question your reactions constantly, right? Maybe these covert and over narcissists can often be a popular in communities. They can be leaders, they can be very good people, persons. How do you say that? People, A people person. But they're different with you. And it can be, like I said, that slow, slow erosion, the subtle erosion. So you kind of question yourself like, well wait, everyone else seems to love them, right? But that's very common, even with non narcissists. With abusers in general, they can be, they're not always, they can be abusive and jerks to everybody, but there are many that in the public eye, they're smiling, they're charismatic, they're overly accommodating or kind of love bombing, right?

(06:41)
We're just giving compliments or, oh, you're so awesome and valuing people on the outside, but they don't. They go home and probably talk shit about those people and the people they're closest with, whoever is their victim or victims on their inner circle will get the treatment that narcissists give. So number five goes to they never said outright. Maybe they didn't call you names. Maybe they didn't say you're worthless, but you felt worthless in the relationship. So it makes it hard when you're like, well, they never said that. They didn't abuse me with the words, but somehow they made you feel worthless, and that is not on you, and you've got manipulated now to feel like it is maybe in your head or you question yourself, or you go back to that whole, am I remembering right? You are honey. You're remembering just perfectly your truth.

(07:46)
Okay? So let's be clear here. Emotional safety, feeling safe in your emotions, in your body is not about how someone acts in public. It's about how you feel in their presence behind closed doors, and that's important. I definitely have had clients where it's very confusing to them where they feel like I must be the crazy one. No, they're acting different to you, but it's in a subtle way. It's not blatant. So you're questioning it. Don't question it. So you're not dramatic, you're not broken. You are conditioned to doubt yourself. Conditioning is a very important word in the narcissistic world. I say it a lot throughout, especially my recent podcasts, I've noticed because that word is a good one. If you're not familiar with get familiar with it, maybe you weren't outright physically harmed. Maybe they did not, like I said, scream at you, curse at you, but they manipulated and calculated and conditioned you to doubt yourself slowly and subtly, and that's why it's so hard to name A lot of the times it was slow. It is slow and subtle so much that you don't even catch it. So this healing journey from this specific type of narcissist is especially tricky, right? It's no easier because your brain was trained conditioned to justify their behavior. I want to say that again because this is a through line. With anyone going through narcissistic abuse in general, your brain was trained to justify their behavior.

(09:53)
Also, your heart still misses the version of them they gave you maybe in the beginning, maybe the version of them that lives in the public eye that you wanted it them to be. That's a version. Guess what? It's a fake version. It's not reality. I know that sucks. You can't do X, Y, Z to make them be that way. That is not them. The true them that their inner circle, their victims will see is the version you got, and your body holds the trauma even when your mind keeps saying, but they were so nice or they did do this to me, right? I mean, let's point that out. There are highs and lows with these people. There's the more subtle lows than with the other types of narcissists that are more outward. But your body is remembering those parts, and your mind is trying to fight with your body.

(11:08)
Like, oh, wait, oh wait, because you've been conditioned, right? So what do I love to do? Come on in class. Anyone? Anyone? Yes, you in the back? Yes. Listen to the body. The body speaks very loudly. If you let it and you listen, I'm going to say it again. The body speaks very, very loud and clear. When you actually let it and you listen, not when you have your mind, shut it down. Not when you feel your life with so much busyness and chaos that you're continuing, you're used to chaos and you continue the cycle. Even if you're away from the narcissist, you may still have a chaotic life because you're so used to it and you don't know what to do When you actually sit still and let your body, let your soul, let the silence let you speak. Sometimes it's scary to do that because there's trauma in there and it's not fun.

(12:19)
But let me correct that. Okay, I'm Christie. Hello. I do somatic healing. Do you know this about me? And we actually, it can be a little intense, right? I'm not going to lie, but we can have fun too. I try to make this a fun empowering journey for you guys. So if you want to sign up for somatic healing, which is healing the body because it remembers and you want actual long term help where you are rewriting things and your body is actually releasing all of this, sign up. I have a link always in my description box of my podcast to sign up for somatic healing session. So it can be an enjoyable, empowering journey. It doesn't have to be dark and scary, okay? I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't let that happen. I keep you safe, and I do titration, which if you don't know what that is, you might if you're in the science world, but that is really going very slowly back and forth to make sure you are totally comfortable in every single session, every step of the way you will be taken care of.

(13:39)
We're not going to retraumatize you. We're not going to let you go in a deep, dark hole. That is not the point. We are going to slowly heal the shit out of you. How's that sound? All right, I sidetracked there a second. So let's get back to it and wind things down. Here's what I want you to do. Step one, well sign up. Sign up for somatic healing with me. That will, I mean, I may be biased, but that will definitely help. But step one, besides that, validate yourself. Start saying it out loud. That was emotional abuse. Saying it out loud has helped me in my journey. And writing things down too, like putting pen to paper, saying it out loud to the world. That was abuse, that was emotional abuse. That clarity can be very, very powerful if you have not done that yet.

(14:36)
Step two, you can track the patterns. Notice what you excused, what you believed, what you ignored, not shaming yourself. Look, we're not going to judge past us. No, no, no, ma'am. We want you to be aware to what? To just help yourself in the future. I don't want you to beat yourself up. I hear this so much with clients. I wish I would've seen this. I wish I would've done that. Well, guess what, Susie? We got to move forward. We're not going to live in the past, okay? We have this one life. I'm not going to let you focus on what you could have, should have, would've. We can all do that all day long. That's no fun either. Okay? So eat some chocolate cookies. Notice what you excused, what you believed, what you ignored, and decide what you don't want to do in the future, in your future relationships, whether it be romantic or friendships, right?

(15:34)
What you're going to tolerate, what you're not going to tolerate, and do not be judgmental to the past, previous you. Be an encourager of yourself just like you would a friend, right? Step three, rebuild yourself. Trust. Ooh, that's a stinger. Self-trust is such a big word for narcissistic abuse survivors. It is hard to trust yourself after you've gone through something. You're like, how the hell when you're on the other side? And it depends where you are in your journey, but if you're on the other side, sometimes you get to a certain point. You're like, now, if I let that happen, all that happen, and now I have these kids and this, and there's a divorce, and there's that all this nonsense, you're so upset with yourself, it's hard to trust yourself again. So you have to start with small decisions. Say no when you may know.

(16:34)
Say yes to your needs, because building time for you can actually build self trust because you are getting acquainted with yourself again, right? We're reclaiming you. So start small. Just start small with small decisions. Even just what do I want? Do I want that chocolate chip cookie? Hell yeah, I do. And eat the chocolate chip cookie and say, I really like chocolate chip cookies, right? Maybe your ex didn't let you eat cookies. Christie's here to say, eat the damn cookie. Okay? And step four, back to Somatic Christie over here. Get support, right? This could be a therapist. This could be me. I love helping women like you, obviously. That's why I'm here. I love doing this podcast. I love being able to create space for people who feel so confused and lost and give them some sort of clarity and guidance. I love it. But when I get to work one-on-one with you guys and impact you and watch, oh, it's the most amazing feeling to watch my clients go from just, how do you describe it?

(17:54)
This just lost, stuck, this stuckness, this loss, confusion, judgment on themselves. All the feelings you're going through, and to be able to be with you on the journey. And we get to heal. I get to help you heal and you heal yourself. How empowering that is that you get to do that. And when you're on the other side, I mean my clients, when they are on the other side, the holy shit moments and the amount of people who have said, I can't believe I am where I am now. I never would've thought that happened. And usually that's also saying, I can't believe that happened so quickly. People think, oh God, this is going to take a lifetime to undo the damage. No, it's not. Ma'am. We move quickly. My best friend doesn't call me Bunny for no reason. Okay? Again, I titrate to make sure you're comfortable.

(18:59)
But it's one of those things where when you go slowly and you do it the right way, you zoom out. It's actually a lot quicker than you would think. Hard to explain until you do it. So sign up for a session. Alright? So take two minutes today and ask where did I lose myself to keep the peace? Where did I lose myself to keep the peace? We might be surprised what comes up. So if this hit home for you, please, first of all, sign up for a session with me and send this to a friend who might be quietly struggling or loudly struggling. If you know anyone else that could use help with this type of relationship, situationship, whatever, please forward this to them. And of course, I always have My Empowered Boundaries course. I will link that as well. That's at your own pace.

(19:56)
You purchase the course and each week a new video drops, and that's 10 weeks, 10 videos, and you have a lifetime access to it if you really have a tough time with setting boundaries. But today, I feel like we're really also focusing on that healing from the body. So sign up for the one-on-one session. You're not alone, you're not crazy. I am here and I would love to help you. Just because he didn't scream or curse or hit you, doesn't mean you didn't suffer. And just because you're not bleeding on the outside doesn't mean it was not abuse. You are powerful. You are worthy when you say that I am worthy. Yeah, you're reclaiming your peace. One truth, that's your truth, right? Not their truth. Your truth. One truth at a time. Alright, until next episode we have every Thursday we have the Thrive in five, where I do some type of somatic healing, breath work, meditation, visualization, all the fun, every Thursday, little shorter episodes to keep you grounded. So make sure you follow my podcast so you get the notifications of the new episodes that pop up. I'm Tuesdays and Thursdays and stay royal because he's the Queen. Alright, see the next one.

Lost Yourself in the Narcissist’s Chaos? Reconnect in Just 5 Minutes

Thu, 19 Jun 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Feel like you’ve lost yourself in the chaos of narcissistic abuse?
In this 5-minute reconnection ritual, you’ll ground your body, clear your mind, and start remembering you.
You’re not broken—you’re buried. Let’s bring you back. Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions (mentioned in episode):

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello Queen. If you've been walking around feeling like a stranger in your own life, this one is for you. So after narcissistic abuse, it is normal to feel lost. That is a very common thing because you have been surviving, you've shape shifted, you've been silencing your own needs, but underneath it, you are still there. That's the good news. You're there and you got a shiny gold crown. So today we're going to reconnect back to her fast, fierce, and focus. That's why it is thrive in five. Okay? Ain't, ain't nobody got time for all that noisy narcissist.

(00:45)
Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Alright, so let's kind of shake the day off. Shake any emotions you have around this relationship, shake it off. That can be through your arm shaking. Maybe you shake your legs out, shake your feet. Alright? And if you feel safe, you can close your eyes or just have a steady gaze focusing on one spot in the room. Maybe feel your feet on the floor or if you're sitting, laying down wherever your body is, meeting the support. Now breathe in through your nose. Slow and deep exhale out of your mouth. This is a halo breath. It's my favorite one to just calm the nervous system. So we're inhaling. And you can imagine light, a beautiful, warm white light entering your body through your nose. And as you exhale, release the fog, the confusion, that noise of the narcissist and any relationship you have with them. Okay, in with the light, releasing the noise one more time in with the light. Hold it at the top and release. Really exhale, getting rid of every last drip drop of that nasty noise. Okay, so I invite you to place your hand on your heart and repeat after me. I am still here.

(02:50)
I may have been silenced, but I was never erased. Go. Good. Every breath brings me closer to my truth. Beautiful. So we're going to do a quick visualization. Imagine yourself as a glowing outline, whatever color you wish, a glowing outline, dimmed but intact, fully intact, dimmed with each breath. And you can do again, the halo breath in through the nose, out the mouth, or whatever you're comfortable doing with each breath. Light fills in your outline, making it brighter, making it stronger, making it whole. That's your soul. It's not gone. It's just waiting. And she's ready. So imagine breathing in and exhaling. And each breath, just imagine this beautiful light filling every part of inside of your glowing outline.

(04:19)
Go at your own pace. This is your light. This is your journey. This is you 2.0, baby, you ready? In and out. Wonderful. Now you don't have to find yourself. You are remembering yourself. And maybe you don't remember if you had childhood abuse where maybe you were dimmed at a young age and you don't even remember you were still there, which is very young. You are returning to yourself and every time you pause, you breathe and reconnect like we're doing today. You reclaim a piece of that power, of your power. You're not lost. You're coming home. Now, let's say that again. I'm coming home. Repeat after me. I'm coming home. How does that feel in your body? I am coming home. You get to be your own home. That is the most empowering thing in the world. When I started my journey, I remember I started to refer to my home like myself as my home. And it's so empowering. This is your home. This is your safety. And even if you don't quite feel there yet, keep doing these visualizations. Keep doing the work. Save some of these thrive in fives to come back to, because the more you do these, you are getting back to that part of you, right? That power. You're not lost, you are coming home.

(06:28)
I hope this short visualization, meditation, whatever you want to call it, helped give you a little reset. And this should be a reminder to you that you are doing the work, you are taking the time out because you're still in there and you know can get back. You can to her. She's waiting for you. So I'm very proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. So let's all give ourselves an extra little hug. I'm hugging myself too. I did it. Look at me. Okay? I'm so proud of you. And don't forget to save these thrive in fives. They are wonderful to go back to whenever you feel like it could be. First thing in the morning while you're brushing your teeth, you don't have to be laid out on a bed.

(07:29)
Anything is better than nothing when it comes to doing the mindset work, the body work, any of this. Okay? I am so excited you're doing this for yourself, and I'll see you in the next episode. That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your peace like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment. And check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Feel Like You’ve Lost Yourself? How Narcissistic Abuse Steals Your Identity And How to Reclaim It

Tue, 17 Jun 2025 05:43:00 -0400

Feel like you’ve lost yourself after narcissistic abuse? You’re not alone — and you’re not broken. In this episode, we’ll unpack how the narcissist slowly erased your identity and walk through simple, empowering ways to start reclaiming your voice, your choices, and you. 💛👑 Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:

Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions (mentioned in episode):

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Queen , you look in the mirror and wonder where you went. You hear your voice, barely recognize it. You've got fears, you've got doubts after Narcissistic abuse. Feeling like you have lost yourself is common, but it's not a weakness. It is a symptom of survival. But you are not gone. You are not broken. You're just buried beneath all the schleppy nippy. That's a word I did make up just now. But all the ways you had to stay small to stay what safe. So today we're going to start calling you that U2 0.0 back. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free.

(01:10)
I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. All right, beauties. It's Christine. Today we're talking about something so many survivors carry quietly that aching feeling of being lost like you are floating through your own life, disconnected from who you used to be. Maybe some of you never even got to become fully that person or who you were supposed to become, but it's not too late. But I do hear this all the time. I hear I want to feel like myself again.

(02:13)
I don't even know what I like anymore. I used to be joyful. So fun, that sparkle that we talk about. Where did it go? If you've ever thought those things, this episode is for you. So let's start off with how narcissistic abuse steals your identity. Okay? It isn't just emotional manipulation, this abuse, it is psychological erasure. Bit by bit. The narcissist dismissed your opinions, controlled your choices. They're always trying to gain control or see if they can get it back. So they're controlling your choices, criticizing. When you do have a moment that you may have an interest or something outside of what they're telling you to do, they will criticize it. So criticizing your interests, mocking your emotions. Oh, you're so dramatic. You're so sensitive and making you doubt your intuition, that gut feeling. They twist and turn things and manipulate so you doubt your truth until suddenly you stopped choosing.

(03:33)
You stopped expressing. You started shrinking just to avoid the conflict, the rejection or the ever present rage of a narcissist. And over time, your nervous system learned this. Maybe it's safer to disappear. Seacrest out. I'm picturing that meme of, what is it? Homer, going back into the bushes, like reversing into the bushes. That little not meme, the gif, right? Maybe it's safer to just disappear back here, but disappearing is not what you are supposed to be or do, right? You're a queen after all. Okay? So that little light inside you, that sparkle, it's there and we're going to brighten it up. It just got dimmed, but we're here to reignite that. Let's throw some gas on that sparkle. Okay? So how do we do that, Christy? We're going to talk about three ways to start reclaiming you. So no pressure, first of all, and no perfection. But these are some things you can start doing little by little. So first, rebuild micro preferences. You're going to start small, ridiculously small. That's what you can handle right now. You have to build up. That's okay. Things like what's your favorite color? Now, it could be that simple. I literally have had more than one client when I've asked, what's your favorite color? They're like, I don't know. And then it can feel really disconnected, right? What music do you actually love?

(05:23)
Do you like your egg scrambled or poached? What's your favorite movie? What do you want your room to look like? And you might feel overwhelmed. So start with the color. What color do you want your room? What colors do you want in your room? Just get a throw pillow to start, right? You're gradually building your micro preferences up. You'd be amazed how much of your identity lives in the details you stopped choosing. So ask yourself, is this what I want? Not what they wanted, what you want, what do you want? Okay, number two, talk to the before you. And this is for those of you who had aversion before this, right? If you had some childhood stuff where you had been dismissed and put down, this may not apply directly to you, but you can see, but this is especially for the people who got into relationships later in life and lost themselves. So think back to the version of who you were before. The abuse. What did she love? What made her light up? Even as a kid? Now ask, what did she need that she did not get?

(06:50)
And here's where you can have fun work. Write her a letter, reintroduce yourself. Let her know you are coming back for her. And this time you're listening, you want to hear her and her preferences. Okay? So that's kind of a fun one, right? We get to do a tangible thing, write a letter. What did she need that she didn't get? What made her light up? Put it all out there. There's no right or wrong. There's no limit. You could do one page, you could do 40 pages. Number three, create yes and no lists. So if you're familiar with my work, that's how we always start with my one-on-one clients. And even in some of my groups, we do the hell yes, hell no. So you can start this. We go into it in a major way. That's amazing. But you can start small, okay? You have two lists on one piece of paper.

(07:57)
You could start if you want to start small, right? Hell yes. On the top of one side, hell no on the top of the other. The yeses are the things that light you up. The nos are the things that drain you or disrespect you. This becomes your compass. It's how you begin to choose on purpose. Say that I want to choose on purpose. Say it. I want to choose on purpose. And each choice brings your power back, even if it's a small one, right? So think of something right now. Think of something that you just love. Let's say your ex didn't like you to eat a certain flavor of ice cream. He always just wanted his and didn't let you get yours, and you'd love mint chocolate chip ice cream.

(08:53)
Write that on your list and want you to get you some this week, right? That's a simple, maybe silly thing, but it is a real thing. I listen to you guys, I hear all the stories. I know there are people who controlled you to the point that you couldn't even choose your own toothpaste, right? So go get that bubble gum flavor, toothpaste, and then the hell no things that drain you. I've got one. I've got one for you guys. I know some of you can probably relate. I have definitely had clients who can relate because of how we've been conditioned. We often feel like we need to be there for everybody and always be available, stuff like that. So one of my big ones that's on my hell no list is long phone conversations or answering the phone every time it rings. Stuff like that.

(09:48)
You might be able to relate to that. That's draining. Especially if it's someone who's complaining or having a lot going on in their life. No offense to them, but you got your own shit. You got your own life. So you can either not answer or you can get on the phone and say, I have five minutes to talk. I got to be somewhere or do something. That's okay. That's build these lists. So you're knock on, you're right here. And these are some things that can help. There's plenty more. And if you work one-on-one with me, obviously we can customize your strategy there. So if you're feeling lost, if you're mourning the version of you that used to laugh more, sing louder, feel freer, please hear me. You did not lose her. She got quiet. She hid to essentially survive in one way or the other, but she's still here.

(10:43)
And every single choice you make to show up for yourself could be small, could be big. You could say no when it's a no, say yes, when your soul lights up. Every time you do that, it's proof that you are coming home to you, to her. So you don't need to rush your healing. You don't need to have all the answers right now, but I promise if you stay on this path of truth true to you and self-love, you will find her again. She is not gone. And when you do, girl, she going to be so shiny and gold and sparkly. I am so proud of you. I'm walking this journey with you. Until next time, keep reclaiming that crown.

Obsessing Over the Narcissist? Here’s a 5-Minute Mind Reset to Stop The Mind Racing

Thu, 12 Jun 2025 06:01:00 -0400

SAVE THIS EP! Still stuck in your head about the narcissist? In this 5-minute Thrive in 5, I’ll walk you through a quick but powerful nervous system reset to stop the obsessive thoughts and bring you back to peace—fast.

You’ll get:
✅ A calming breathwork drop-in
✅ 3 truth statements to interrupt the spiral
✅ A soothing visualization to reclaim your clarity

Because you deserve peace—not mental chaos. 👑

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:

Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions :

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course : https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Still obsessing over what the narcissist said, did or maybe didn't do. Feel like your brain won't shut up and your peace is always just out of reach. Queen, you are not crazy and you're definitely not alone in today's thriving five. We're doing a quick nervous system reset to stop that mental spiraling and get you back to your calm ground itself, even if you've not met her. Alright, let's take your power back starting now. Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen, this one's for you.

(00:51)
All right, beauty. If you have been stuck in a loop, replaying conversations, wondering why, feeling like you cannot let go, this is for you. Obsessive thoughts are actually a trauma response, not some personality flaw. So the brain clings to the pain because it's trying to solve it. But today, we're not solving everything we are soothing in this quick episode. So first, let's just drop in together. Place your hand over your heart and one on your belly if that feels good to you. Now you can either close your eyes or just soften your gaze and let's breathe together in through the nose. Inhale for four, holds for two, exhale for 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Again, inhale for four, hold for two, and exhale for 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Letting those shoulders drop, let your jaw soften your eyebrows, release any stress, and quietly say to yourself, repeat after me. I am safe in this moment, I'm allowed to stop thinking about them.

(02:43)
Peace is mine and I'm reclaiming it now. Beautiful. So let's speak some truth to that lovely old heart of yours. Loud and clear. Okay, thinking about it over and over won't change what happened, right? It's not going to change anything, and this is something that has definitely helped me just stopping and saying, you know what? Thinking about it isn't fixing it. You've already survived it. Now we have chosen freedom, which feels a heck of a lot better. Even if we get these obsessive thoughts, sometimes they will get less and less and we can speed that up, that process up by doing exercises like this. Number two, they are not worth my energy today, right? They're not. Energy is your currency. We have a short time here on Earth, so we're going to spend it on you, not them. You deserve that. Whether you totally feel that or not.

(03:59)
You do. I'm telling you, and I'm the smartest queen ever. Just kidding. Just kidding. Okay. Number three, we don't need closure from them, right? You can say, I am the closure. It's in you. We talked about this recently. I am the closure, their apology, whatever you might expect. We did a couple of episodes on apologies recently, right? Their apology is not going to heal you, but your own voice will. So let those settle in, right? Thinking about it is not going to change it. They are not worth your energy and you don't need closure from them. You are the closure. Alright, so we're going to do a quick visualization here. So again, you can have your eyes open close, but for me, I love closing them, but it's all up to you. Imagine yourself standing on a rocky shoreline and the waves are crashing, loud, chaotic, just like those obsessive thoughts that go through your mind.

(05:17)
But now picture yourself turning around and behind you is a forest trail. It's quiet, it's peaceful. Sun is filtering through the trees. You take a step away, away from the chaos, then another step and another. So with each step that crashing gets softer and softer. Now, it's far behind you in the getting more and more quiet. You're stepping. You're stepping again. Now it's silent and you feel that warm glow of the sun on your skin, on your face. Breathe it in smile. Feel that. Feel that difference in what you chose to do to walk away from the chaos. This is your nervous system at peace. This is what you get to return to any time you choose or want to. Anytime you did that in just a few minutes, you took your power back from the obsessive loop. That's not small. No small potatoes here. That's a huge potato.

(07:06)
If this resonated, first of all, save it. Okay? Save this visualization if it worked and helped you just feel calmer for a few moments and you can sit in this meditation as long as you want. You can pause it as you listen to it and stay there and enjoy the quiet and the peace. And also, if this worked, maybe it will help someone who needs that reminder too, who needs to be able to reset their nervous system because you're not alone and you don't have to spiral in silence again. You got me and you've got your friends trusted ones, right? So you're not alone in this.

(08:05)
All right? I will see you in the next episode. That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

You Blocked the Narcissist... Now They’re Losing It (Let’s Talk About Why)

Tue, 10 Jun 2025 06:01:00 -0400

Blocked the narcissist and now they’re spiraling? Good. That’s not drama — that’s proof you took your power back. In this episode, we break down why they react that way, how to protect your peace, and why holding the line is your biggest win yet. 👑🔥

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:

Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions (mentioned in episode):

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPT

All right, you finally blocked the narcissists. No more texts, no more dms, no more access to your beautiful energy. And now what? Though? They are spiraling. Suddenly you're the villain. They may be stalking your socials, blowing up mutual friends or family members, and maybe even running a full-blown smear campaign, which I have been on the other end of. And it's not fun, but it is very common with narcissists, right? So if you don't know what a smear campaign is, it is basically imagine them just badmouthing you to anyone and everyone. They can really for a reaction from you. But two birds with one stone, they get to also make you look bad to other people. But what I want you to remember today, this chaos, the rage, it means you took your power back and that is the win. So let's break it all down in this episode.

(01:02)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up.

(02:00)
Hey, queen, it's Christie. And today we're talking about what happens when you do the bold, brave thing and you actually block the narcissist. You hit the button, you silence the chaos. You close that portal to all of their icky manipulative games, right? That's such freedom. But now they're losing it, right? Often they will come back stronger and harder, and this can be a scary part of the process. I've been through it. It happened, usually does. So it's very expected. We'll talk about why, but it's also a big old, beautiful neon sign saying You did the right thing. Why do these narcissists spiral after you block them? This is, I don't know. This helps me just sit with all of it and be super clear. And I don't know. When I learned about all of this, it did help me feel better in this situation. Number one, I've talked about this.

(02:59)
The narcissist doesn't want you. What do they want? Class control over you. It's all about the control. It's about the access, the option to push your buttons, rile you up. They like that. I know. Not cool, but at this point, you probably know that they want the supply. That's my favorite word, having to do with narcissists, because that's all they want. The supply with the control, your reactions, your emotions, your attention, that feeds them. So when you block them, you are taking their drug away. You're cutting off the hit. And for a narcissist that is panic mode, which can look like different things. So there can be sudden rage, right? There could be rage, just, oh my gosh. Let's say you blocked 'em on the phone. Then they, but not the social media. They might come over in your social media, they might show up at your house.

(03:59)
They might get through a friend, get some message to you, and they may be ragey or love bombing attempts. They might call, and I've had this experience too, from new phone numbers or new emails. I had a narcissist create a whole new profile just to contact me. It also might look like those smear campaigns. This is very, very, very common because this is an easy access way. Sometimes narcissists can be lazy. So instead of having to go to the efforts of creating new this or that, they're like, well, we have mutual friends. We have mutual family. I'm already talking to, I'm going to, basically, they will make up stuff about you. Twist things into totally different situations, badmouth you, make your mutual friends and family turn against you. There's also the lurking. I have a public profile. Let's say TikTok. I can see right people.

(05:09)
I can see who is viewing my stories or my reels. So you might be in a situation like that where they are lurking. They might drive by your place, get those cameras in order. Another thing is guilt tripping or using flying monkeys, their they're little puppets to check in for them. So again, there's a lot of different ways that they will try to get closer to you. So this isn't proof. You hurt them. It's proof you are healing you. So let's flip the script. You might think, wow, they really must care if they're reacting this much. No, no. They care that they've lost their freaking grip. Their ego is bruised. This whole illusion of control is shattered. They cannot stand it, but that isn't love. So I want you to be very, very clear. Some of you already know this and you just want them out.

(06:15)
Some of you are going, are they trying so hard? Because I'm so special and there's a special bond between us and they love me so much. This is a character trait of love and passion. No, this is entitlement. This is their bruised ego being very upset. Don't confuse their chaos with care for you. This reaction is not a sign of your worth. I'm sorry. You're beautiful, you're awesome, you're worthy, but this is not a sign of your worth. It's a sign of your growth, right? You are growing away from them and they can't stand it again, not because of you, but because of their need for control and that supply that you were giving them at some point, and now you're not. And they're very upset about it. So how do you protect your peace and stay in that zone? How do you get basically unshakeable? So the number one advice I always love to give, as you know, is no responding. Not even once they wait. They wait for that crack in the door, even a leave me alone. Text is supply for them. Silence is your best weapon. It is your best weapon against the chaos.

(07:41)
And you can have a beautiful visualization of this picture, a lot of chaos, and then silence next to each other. Doesn't it make sense that the best weapon against that would just be silence and calm? So no responding, not even a little, not a thumbs up, not an okay, nothing. Don't even say leave me alone. Number two, tighten up all those digital and energetic boundaries. So make sure your mutual friends are not passing any information along. And this again, has happened to me in my own family. You have to ask people, please do not give information about me. Cut it off. You are the one with that control. And if you can't trust that person, then you don't tell them information. You don't want to be shared. And if they cross your boundaries, that middle person, I mean, sorry. Bye. I am quick to get rid of someone who does not respect my boundaries.

(08:43)
So remove them if you have to from your socials, block them and keep the narcissist obviously blocked everywhere. That's phone, that's email, that's all your socials. And reaffirm why you block them in the first place. Revisit the journal. Maybe you journaled about it, right? Or maybe you need to make a journal entry about it that you can go back to when you're feeling bad or guilty about blocking them. Write down how they made you feel. I'm not talking just saying I felt sad or I felt scared. I want you to write the visceral reactions. Your body, this feeling. I felt tight in my chest. I felt terrified to the point I was shaking. I felt like I could barely talk. My tight and my neck was so tight. Let that be your fuel as a reminder of just how impactful this is on not just your mind but your body and support yourself like crazy.

(09:46)
Be your own B, f, F. Listen to the podcasts, meditate. Do that. Nervous system work. I'm all about somatic healing. I will pop my link in the description. If you would like to sign up for a session. I'm telling you, it is epic. You want to talk about resetting your nervous system from the body, not just talk. Therapy is amazing. I'm a big advocate. Obviously I do coaching myself and mindset work, but when you go from the body girl, it's a whole different thing. And lean on safe people who get it, not the mutual friends that still talk to this person. Okay, I'm sorry, that ain't it. You need to lean on safe people that are going to uplift you, validate your feelings, and give you hugs and pink sprinkle donuts. Okay, speaking of which, can I just tell you how amazing the people in my life that I have now are compared to when I wasn't choosing so well?

(10:49)
I have these new friends in my life, and I'm bringing this up because this is a part of narcissistic abuse. You can attract controlling people or people who don't want you to shine. And since I'm later in my healing journey, and I have found some amazing friends, my dad passed last week, that was so hard. The amount of people that I've recently met, really quality, uplifting, amazing people, how they've shown up, I said pink sprinkled donuts, because one of my best friends brought me my favorite Krispy Kreme donuts, right? My friend showed up yesterday with flowers and a wind chime that had something related about death on it. And she also brought me a donut tea towel for the kitchen and just was like, let's chat. These are people that I have chosen very intentionally later in my life after realizing I wasn't choosing people, they were choosing me. And with narcissistic abuse recovery, you want to make sure you're choosing and you're choosing well, people that are really good, solid, uplifting, positive influences in your life. So little side note, just a side note. Someone needed to hear that, right? Alright, so let's get to this pep talk. I love a good pep talk and maybe we'll do an extra pep talk on Thursday related to this. Maybe a longer one, but I want to just leave you with this. You're not the villain. You are the queen warrior.

(12:27)
You're not wrong for blocking them. You're not mean. You're not dramatic or sensitive. Repeat that one, please. I am not dramatic or sensitive. That's right. You're not. You are freeing yourself from manipulation and you are choosing peace over that chaos. You're not the villain in their twisted story. Their truth isn't even their truth. Their story isn't even true, the truth. And essentially, you are the hero in your healing journey. And that might sound like cheesy, but really you're saving yourself right now. Do you get that? Do you get how big that is? You are saving yourself. And if you have kids, your kids, you are breaking this cycle. So you are a hero in your own healing journey. And guess what? Every time you don't respond or you block or you get that, just no more, you've reclaimed another piece of your power. Every time you stay, no contact and don't let that door creak open.

(13:46)
Your nervous system gets safer and calmer every time you choose, you win. Say that again. Every time I like how I'm talking myself, I'm like, say it again, Christie. Every time you choose you, you win. So their spiral is not your responsibility, their pain, their panic, their stories, not yours to hold anymore. Block, bless, keep healing forward. I am so proud of you. You are fierce, you are brave, and this is unshakeable. You hold onto this and you stay in your truth, not their fake shit out there. Okay? So until next time, Thursday, we have our Thrive in five. Stay in your power. Make sure to follow my podcast so you get the little notifications that are like Chris, do at it again, every Tuesday and Thursday. Tuesdays are my longer episodes. And then we have our Thrive in five, which are basically somatic healing. That could be breath work, that could be meditations, visualizations, affirmations. I did a prayer last week about my father that I hoped could also help anyone else grieving just for a hard situation. Okay? So just some examples. So definitely follow the podcast. I'd love you to join my Facebook community, and I will talk to you in the next episode.

In Memory of My Dad: A Prayer for Grief , Peace and Strength in Hard Times

Thu, 05 Jun 2025 13:13:16 -0400

Well you know I like to be raw. This is a raw one. I lost my dad last night. The pain is horrific. But I wanted to still show up for you and for me and recorded a quick prayer. I felt like we can all always use a prayer, especially in the dark times.

Please keep my father and family in your prayers and make sure your loved ones know how much you love them. I was able to have so much peace knowing he knew how much I loved and cared for him and nothing was left unsaid.

XO-
Christy

Stop Waiting for Closure: Why the Narcissist Won’t Give It (and How to Create Your Own)

Tue, 03 Jun 2025 07:03:00 -0400

Still waiting for the narcissist to give you closure? In this episode, we break down why they can’t — and why you don’t need them to. Join me for 10 minutes of truth + empowerment as we walk through how to create your own closure and finally reclaim your peace. 💛👑

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:

Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions:

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk

Cord Cutting Episodes:

Deep Cord Cutting: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120

Quick Cord Cutting: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155

TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Still waiting for that apology, that explanation, the moment when the narcissist finally admits they were wrong. Here is the hard truth queen. It's probably never coming. But the even better truth, we like this one. You don't need their closure because you can create your own. You may not feel like that right now, but I promise you can. So let's dive in and talk about how have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and drive ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:06)
Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. All right, welcome back. It's Christie. Today we are tackling one of the biggest pain points in narcissistic abuse, recovery closure. So many survivors feel stuck in this loop of waiting. Even if you are out of the relationship, waiting for the narciss to explain why they did what they did, waiting for an apology that actually feels like an apology or waiting for some acknowledgement that you mattered, that you were valuable to them. And I'm here to tell you closure for narcissist is a myth. Why? Well narcissists operate from this place of ego, not accountability. And this is very important. Pause this and write this down if you can. If you're driving, save this episode and come back to this and write it down because I really think this next statement is very important.

(02:37)
They rewrite history to protect their false self, not to give you peace. They rewrite history to protect who? Them and their false self. They're not caring about your peace. So closure, it's not about you. They don't care to that level to help you get closure. Why can't they give closure? Let's break it down to the nitty gritty. Narcissists don't take true responsibility. I think most of us know that, but that's just a fact, right? Admitting fault is like death to their ego and they thrive on their ego. Their ego is their identity. So they are not about to go be vulnerable in any way and shine any sort of light on them being responsible or at fault for anything. They often will blame shift gaslight or even flip the script. So you are the bad guy. I mean, how often We are very familiar with the bad guy, right?

(03:55)
The bad guy. Flip if you have been with a narcissist and whatever, if it's a sibling, if it's a parent, if it's a romantic partner, if it's a friend, you have been flipped to be the bad guy and they may give fake closure like an apology we talked about recently in the recent episodes on apology. Or they might give a fake explanation, but why do they do it? Usually just as bait to pull you back in. They know their lip service will get you back. So even when you think if I just explain one more time or if I just wait until they calm down, no, you're asking someone to give what they cannot or will not give.

(04:56)
So how do you create your own closure? This is the important part. I know the other part's kind of hard sometimes to digest and to really let that sink in and act accordingly. But this part is really important for your healing. The good news is you don't need them. You have the power to create your own closure without them starting today. Tao, what was that from? Do you remember that Tao? Oh no. Message me on Facebook or Instagram, if you remember what that's from. It's like one of those, do you have those little folders that pop open in your brain and you're like, I know that. I know that. Where did it come from? And you can't really put your finger on exactly what and then you just shove it back in and continue. Okay, that was my a DD squirrel brain. We're back though.

(05:48)
Alright, so here is how, and if you forgot, because I went off on that tangent. We're talking about how to create your own closure. First name, the truth, not their story. There is a huge difference between the truth and a narcissist truth. Write down what you know happened, not what they claim, not their excuses, not their blame. You want an example? Okay, they lied to me repeatedly. I felt discarded, devalued. You don't need them to agree with your reality, your truth. Your truth is valid. Okay? You know the truth. They lied. They gaslit you. They flipped every damn argument to make you look like the bad guy. Okay? So write it down. Name the truth, your truth, the real truth. Two, grieve what you wished for. This is helpful. So closure is not just about understanding what happened, it's also about letting go. This is huge.

(07:03)
Guys of the, and I'm bolding this in my brain right now. The fantasy of what you wanted, letting go of the fantasy of what you wanted or who you thought they could be or would become, or you could change them. It's a fantasy, right? Grieve the version of the relationship you hoped for, not the one you had. Not just the one you had, right? Okay. Number three, ritualize your closure. Do something symbolic. Make it fun to mark your release. You can write them a letter you'll never send and then burn that baby up. Don't set anything on fire though. I mean, burn without fire. Can you do that? I don't want to be responsible for anyone's fire. Tear it up. Let's tear it up instead. Okay? Tear it up. If you're going to burn a fire anyway, throw it in there, tear it up, flush it in the toilet, or visualize cutting that energetic cord.

(08:12)
I will put my cord cutting episodes in the description box of the podcast. They are fabulous. I am biased as hell, but they are okay. It really works. Wonders and speak aloud. Do your affirmations, baby, I release you. I release this story. I reclaim my peace. These rituals, signal to your mind and body that you are done waiting. You're getting intentional here, right? Number four, focus on forward energy. So closure isn't just about ending, right? It is ending. And we want to end that chapter. Please pretty please the cherry on top. But it's about redirecting your energy. Ask what am I creating now? Is it self-love? Is it stronger boundaries? My favorite word, is it a new chapter just for you. You might not be able to even really picture that yet, depending where you are in your journey. But imagine that you could have a new chapter just for you, baby, all pink and glittery.

(09:31)
So don't let the narcissist be the author of your final chapter. They already had control of that freaking pen and that pisses me off. But it's got you to where you are. You're here. We're not going to live in the past. We're not going to boohoo the rest of our lives about the past. We're going to straighten our crown, shining up and continue writing. You grab the pen, you have the pen, and you are writing the next page, right? Sorry, I got a little passionate there. I get a little worked up. Alright, so I know how painful it is to sit in this psych aching of unfinished conversations, but their silence, their refusal, their avoidance, none of that should stop you from healing. So today I want you to decide or invite you to decide. Of course I want it, but you got to want it too. I invite you to decide to close the chapter yourself. Not because they gave you what you deserved not happening, but because you deserve to be free. Say it with me. I want you to repeat that. Repeat after me class. I deserve to be free. Yes, I love it. I am very proud of you for doing this brave work. I love you. I see you and you are not alone in this. Okay? If you love this episode, if it spoke to you, share it with another sister queen who needs to hear it. Alright? Until next time, keep shining clean.

Get Your Power Back After Narcissistic Abuse Through This Mirror Visualization (Thrive in 5)

Thu, 29 May 2025 07:03:00 -0400

Feeling shaken by the narcissist’s fake glow-up? In this 5-minute Thrive in Five, join me for a powerful mirror visualization to reconnect with your authentic radiance — the light no one can fake, steal, or dim. Breathe, reset, and remember who you truly are. 🌸 Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page!!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

WORK WITH ME 1:1

Somatic Sparkle Sessions:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Narcissistic Abuse Coaching:

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:03):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause. From the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello. Welcome to today's Thrive in Five. We are doing a mirror visualization to reclaim your radiance. I am so excited for this one. I love mirror work. So if you are somewhere near a mirror, if you can actually either a hand mirror or go into the bathroom and look at the mirror to do this exercise. And if not, you can imagine a mirror in your mind. Yay. It's imagination time. But if you have a real mirror, that's always the best. But you can still do this exercise without one. So let's start by just taking halo breath in through the nose, out the mouth, nice and slow, just taking some nice inhales and exhales, releasing the stresses, the tension.

(01:17)
Okay, let's drop into this moment here. You are safe, you are held, and you are powerful. So whether you're in front of a real mirror or you're imagining standing in front of one, imagine this mirror is magical. This mirror doesn't reflect your hair or your clothes or your makeup. It goes deeper reflecting your inner radiance. So I want you to envision yourself glowing, just a warm, glowing, golden energy, not because of external validation, not because of someone else's approval, but because of your truth, your strength, and your resilience. Notice how this glow moves through you. It's in your heart where you're learning to love yourself. Again, it's in your gut where you've rebuilt or maybe are still rebuilding your sense of safety on many levels.

(02:50)
It's in your eyes where clarity is returning. Now, notice the difference between this light, your light and the narcissist. External performative glow. Theirs is a flickering neon sign, desperate, desperate, desperate for attention. Yours is just this steady candle, flame, peaceful, unwavering, real light. It's just truth. That's a big difference, right? So you can repeat softly in your mind or whisper aloud, repeat after me. I will make the statement and give you time to repeat after me. The first one is, my radiance comes from within me and my truth. Beautiful. The second, no one can dim this light.

(04:24)
And finally, I am grounded in my authentic power, right? Authentic power your truth. I want you to really focus on that word truth. Breathe that in. Be with that word truth. This is your truth, your power. Now, let it settle into your body, into your chest, your belly, all the way to your fingertips, all the way through your hips, your legs, down to your toes, feeling that energy. Feel you up with strength, power, self-love, and be with that feeling. Let yourself enjoy it. This beautiful glow of strength, peace, authenticity. And when you're ready, gently open your eyes and carry this light with you today, knowing you are shining from the inside. And no narcissist, no performance, no social media, whatever can take that away. Do not let anyone take your power away.

(06:17)
That's your thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Hooked by the Narcissist’s Apology? Try This 5 Minute Reset (Thrive in 5)

Wed, 28 May 2025 22:33:14 -0400

That “I’m sorry” hit different—and now you’re spiraling in hope, guilt, or confusion? 😩 Been there. In this 5-minute Thrive in 5, I’ll walk you through a quick nervous system drop-in + truth check to get you back to clarity and power. ✨
Save this one for anytime you feel yourself getting reeled back in. You deserve peace, not performative apologies. 💥

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page!!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

WORK WITH ME 1:1

Somatic Sparkle Sessions:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Narcissistic Abuse Coaching:

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPTS Speaker 1 (00:00):

Oh, Queens. Have you ever found yourself hoping that maybe this time they really mean that apology? You get it and suddenly you're questioning everything, your truth, your progress. You're like, wait, this feels authentic. Maybe this time it's real. If you've ever been pulled back in by a narcissist, apology, this one's for you. In just five minutes, we're going to ground that body and reset your clarity so you stop that spiral and stand firm in your truth. Let's go. Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a breath Queen. This one's for you.

(00:53)
Hey, beautiful. Welcome to this Thrive in Five. If you're here, you've probably been hit with one of those apologies. The ones that sound sweet, maybe very convincing, but they still leave your stomach twisted and your head and heart maybe confused. So we're going to do a quick reality reset to bring you back to your truth, not their spin of all the truths. Right? Okay, so first, you know I love getting into my body and yours, but that sounds weird. So we're going to ground your body. You put one hand on your heart and the other on your belly, and take a nice breath through your nose, hold it and release through your mouth this nice halo. Breath in through the nose, out through the mouth.

(01:54)
Feel your feet on the ground or wherever they are grounded. You are safe right here. Now, ask yourself this one powerful question. What has actually changed in their behavior, not their words. What has changed in their behavior, not their words. Let the silence answer. We both know real change is proven in action, not in apologies. Okay, letting yourself receive the answer. What has changed besides their words? Now, say these three truths out loud and you can repeat after me out loud. Or just let them kind of wash over you. I can miss someone and still protect myself.

(03:16)
Great, okay? I do not need an apology to move forward, alright? And this is my favorite. Their guilt is not my responsibility. Beautiful. Okay, so this is the reality anchor. Next, I invite you to close your eyes for a moment if you feel safe that way, or else you can leave them open and just set your gaze on one spot. Now, picture yourself outside their story. You're not in the chaos. You're standing firm in your power. See yourself turning toward peace, away from them and their chaos. Maybe you want to give it a dark energy color. I do a lot of energy work, and we often talk with colors about energies to identify different energies and how they feel. So maybe it's a black energy, a red energy. Imagine that, and you're walking the other way toward peace, forward toward peace, leaving behind that chaos, that false hope, that heavy energy that always makes you question yourself. Okay? Walk toward the light.

(04:59)
That's your truth. That's your direction, okay? So you are walking toward that piece into it, and that is where you are walking. Now, we have shifted, we've pivoted. That was your five minute reset. Might've been even quicker. So you don't owe anyone access to you just because they say, I'm sorry. So let's get that straight first. You don't owe anybody anything just because they said, I'm sorry. You owe yourself your peace. You owe your children if you have them, your peace and teaching them how to create their own peace. You owe yourself your freedom, your healing. That's why you're here deep down, you know you deserve better and you want to break the cycle also for your family members. Stay in that truth. I've got you. So carry this reset with you. Save this episode. These thrive in fives. There's going to be so many we've done, I don't even know how many, maybe we've done about five now every Thursday, save these episodes and return to them.

(06:11)
You can return any of them to just get a quick reset. If you haven't yet, go listen to the full episode from Tuesday called The Narcissist Apology, why it feels so good and Why You Still Can't trust it. Very good episode If I don't say so myself. I'm a little biased, but I love it. All right? It'll help you see the pattern though and break free, which is what we want. So I hope this little reset helped you, and I'll see you hopefully next Thursday too, on the Thrive in Five. But remember, every Tuesday is the regular length episodes, and these are our little quickies. So I am so excited to have you here. Please join my Facebook group and I will see you in the next episode. That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your peace like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Is the Narcissist Really Happy Without You? The Truth About Your Ex Moving On

Tue, 27 May 2025 07:00:00 -0400

Wondering if the narcissist is really thriving without you? 👀 In this juicy episode, we expose the truth behind their fake “glow-up” — and remind you why your healing is the real win. 💥 Tune in for truth bombs, affirmations, and your comeback fuel. 🎧✨

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page!!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

WORK WITH ME 1:1

Somatic Sparkle Sessions:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Narcissistic Abuse Coaching:

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Ever peaked at their social media and thought, dang, are they actually so much happier without me? Girl, do not be fooled. Today we are blowing up that myth of the narcissist, post breakup, glow up and shining a light on yours. Doesn't that feel better? Good. Stay with me. Be right back. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun.

(01:04)
So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. Alright, let's be real. We've all had that moment. Scrolling, stalking, wondering, did they just upgrade without me? Are they the ones thriving? Well, here is the truth. Queen narcissists need to look happy. I'm going to repeat it again. Narcissists need to look happy. We know they have big egos, right? And their ego thrives on performance validation and making you think you lost the best thing that ever happened. That's a real thing. So what you're seeing, it is a curated show. New partner, fancy vacation, all smiles. Yes, they are actually putting that energy designed in a way to trigger you, right?

(02:19)
But don't get confused with, oh, they want to be with you. And I'm not trying to say this to be mean queen ladies, but this isn't like, oh, you're the only one and you're the one that got away. I love you. But we know what got away was them having control of you, right? We have to remember, all the narcs are really capable of is seeking control, taking control. They don't know how to value and love the way that we do. So we cannot compare them to us or other people we've had experiences and with. But remember this, happiness isn't loud. Healing isn't flashy. Well, I don't know. Some people say that, but I have had some queen moments where, I mean, I've been flashy. I am flashy, but I'm happy. Yes, but there's a different energy that comes off if it's overly in your face, look at me and I did this and I did that.

(03:25)
That comes from insecurity. And if this is a narcissist you're talking about, this is that fake happiness. It is the flashy that we're talking about. Growth does not need an audience. So here's the thing behind the curtain, right? Because that's on the stage behind the curtain. While you're over here, you're doing your work, right? You are over here listening to the podcast, reading the books, doing therapy, whatever you got going on to try to better yourself, right? Building that the narcissist is running right? They are having a very hard time in a very different way, and they're running from their own emptiness so they can post the photos, they can charm the new supply. This does not mean, ooh, they found someone better than you or that's a better match. They found another victim to control. They found another victim to control.

(04:36)
I feel bad for those people too. So they can't escape their own dysfunction. You've escaped it. Can you give yourself a little hug, a big fat hug? You have escaped. They're dysfunction that is so good. They cannot. They are stuck in their own damn web and the crash always comes. So this new supply is going to go down at some point as well. You know it if you really think about it. You know that's true. They don't have genuine connections. There's no true accountability and growing and doing better. Just rinse, repeat, destroy. So here's where I want you to flip the script. I know this can happen even if you've moved on, even if you're sometimes because the damage is so deep with these narcissists. You could be in a new relationship. You could be dating and having fun or trying to have fun or whatever, and you might still ask, are they happier without me?

(05:46)
What you need to flip this script on is asking yourself, am I becoming the woman I was meant to be? But that I want to be right? You got out of this situation with hope for better, right? You could probably hit rock bottom or just had enough, or maybe they did leave you. And that's lucky because it's easier when they leave you than when you leave them. I will tell you that. But now you're at a point. You can say, am I becoming that woman that I was meant to be? Am I becoming a woman of fill in the blank for yourself. What do you want for yourself? Is it peace, happiness, joy, energy, not having to be in your mind, thinking and walking on eggshells? Are you becoming that woman? That is way more important than worrying about them and what they're doing. Your glow up is peace at night, real friendships, looking in the mirror and knowing I'm healing the narcissist. Glow up is a mask. It's always going to be a mask. Your glow up is a rebirth. It's a next chapter. It's you 2.0. We love your glow up. It's amazing. Their glow up is always going to be a mask, temporary mask. Okay, so let's do a 32nd reset. Close your eyes, take a deep breath. Don't close those eyes if you're driving baby. Okay? Deep breath in through the nose, out through the mouth, repeat after me. Their fake peace is not my truth.

(07:53)
Alright, I am no longer available for illusions. Good. And finally, I'll break this into two parts. My joy, my healing, my freedom. That's my glow up. So feel that that's your comeback story. So here's your challenge today. You know I love me some soul work. Alright? Do one thing that proves you are your own comeback story. Go for a walk, play with your kid and truly be present and alive with them in the space journal. One of my personal honestly, to get into your body, get out of your mind, into your body and find joy and peace is dance. Dance in your kitchen. You can do that combined with your activity with your kid, right? You and your kids just blasting music, dancing in the kitchen. That's healing. That's what life's about. It's not about stewing over what your ex is doing or how they're doing better.

(09:27)
Let them go fake their better. Okay? And if you're ready for a real full glow up plan, book a one-on-one session with me. We have the option of doing coaching, narcissistic abuse, specific coaching, and we have the option of doing somatic healing. I've been doing some amazing, amazing epic work sessions lately with people and they're mind blowing every single one I live for them. But either way, the coaching is more kind of talk therapy type thing. Coaching, talking through. And sometimes that's a great way to start to kind of get your story out, get that validation, get the empowerment, and then there's the somatic healing, which is really through the body, but there can be a little talk through that too. I just had a really beautiful one last week that was a mix of both. And we can do that. So you sign up for either one and it'll be, we will talk through what you want your experience to be.

(10:37)
It's just a beautiful, beautiful way with somatic healing to really heal from the inside out. And the body remembers, the body holds on all of this trauma and you're actually rewriting your body's memory really transitioning, transforming from a deeper level. So both are amazing and we can combine. So look at the links in my description and remember, they may look like they're winning today. Today, okay, that's the keyword today. But first of all, it's just a look, it's a mask. But you your healing in a way that they can never change or touch or have power over and it's lasting. That's why I really love the somatic healing because it is lasting and you want a lasting glow up. You don't want to mask like them. You don't want to just throw, I get it. I mean, I've probably done it in my past. Throw up a cute pick and look at me.

(11:51)
Even though you might be crying over some ice cream at night. Oh, look at that, look at that. Throwing up the picture. Oh, maybe he'll see that and he'll feel a certain way. But what does that do? So you don't want to mask life either. You want to really heal and make it last. So I just want you to feel good about yourself. Know that you are not alone. There's a group of women in my Facebook community that you can lean on. Please join that. It is free. That link is always in the description of the podcast too. And I really, really want you to give yourself some grace and patience and appreciation today because you are healing. And not everyone does that, and it's very hard to sometimes reach in and pull out some of this stuff. But you're doing it. You're here and you're looking damn good.

(12:57)
You look like a damn fly queen. Shine that crown. Put on some red lipstick and go dance around your kitchen. Alright, I will see you guys in the next episode. Don't forget, Thursdays are thrive in five, which is basically all sorts of somatic healing affirmations, breath work. It depends on the week and it's around five minutes. So it's a shorter episode where you can just kind of have a quick reset and you can save the episodes and go to your favorite ones whenever you choose to. Just have a nice little reset because we know it can be a very stressful thing dealing with narcissists. Or even after they may totally be out of your lives. You may still have some of that ick, yuck, leftover, and you still need a little support. So thank you for tuning in. I will see you in the next one. Don't forget to follow on whatever podcast you listen to. Narcissistic abuse Recovery, smooches.

The Narcissist’s Apology: Why It Feels So Good (And Why You Still Can’t Trust It)

Tue, 20 May 2025 07:03:00 -0400

That apology felt so real. Maybe they cried. Maybe they finally said the words you’ve been waiting to hear. But deep down… something still felt off. 😔

In this episode, we're breaking down the narcissist’s apology trap—why it feels comforting, why your brain wants to believe it, and why it's usually just a sneaky form of control.

You'll learn:

The 3 common types of fake apologies
Why even smart, strong women fall for them
How to protect yourself with clarity and calm

🎧 Hit play to get the clarity (and closure) you deserve.

<"Grey Rock Method" episode mentioned> https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776 Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page!!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

WORK WITH ME 1:1

Somatic Sparkle Sessions:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Narcissistic Abuse Coaching:

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Ever get an apology from the narcissist that made your heart flutter, like maybe they finally get it and then a week later you're back in the same damn mess. Yes. Today we are breaking down the narcissist apology trap, why it feels so healing and why it's usually nothing more than manipulation in disguise. Hang tight, this is going to be a good one. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:03)
Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you so steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. So I have been there. I have been there. I have been there. You are not alone in this. I've had a couple narcissists in my life and one that I dated was really, really good at apologies because he made them feel really real and very emotional. He would usually pair apologies with flowers or a poem or cookies, my favorite thing, but it always came back to that same spot. He would even cry. There were tears shed, right? And this was a tough guy. So you're like, man, he really cares. He said the right things. I felt seen, heard, validated. In those moments, it felt like closure, like maybe the person who hurt me was becoming who I wanted him to be. Can you relate?

(02:24)
It's this emotional high when someone who broke you finally says, I'm sorry, your nervous system wants to actually believe that, right? It's not weakness, it's human nature, craving safety and repair. So it actually makes sense and we're here to talk a little more deeply about it. So most narcissist apologies are not about you. I'm going to say it again. Most narcissistic apologies are not you. They are about regaining control. I mean, you could even write this down. Get a pen, ladies and gents, okay? They're about regaining control, resetting the narrative or reeling you back in, which essentially is gaining control, right? So there's three common types of fake apologies. Okay? The narc apologies, we'll call 'em. The first one is the vague one. I'm sorry for whatever made you feel that way. Okay, stop. Just don't even bother apologizing if that's your move. There's no accountability.

(03:44)
Then there's the second type, the flip one. Okay? It's just like dismissive. I said I was sorry, can we move on? I remember one of the narcs in my life said, can't you just get over it? Literally said, can't you just get over it? That was the response. So they're using the apology as a silencing tool. They want to silence you so they don't have to deal with you anymore. And the third is the strategic one. This is delivered at the perfect time. When you're pulling away, when you're setting those boundaries or gaining strength, they smell it. They hate it. So they're going to deliver the strategic one at the perfect time. They sense you're getting out of their control and what do they want to do? Gain control. They can't stand not having control of you. So real apologies are backed by change, period.

(04:45)
That's it. Real apologies are backed by change. A narcissist version is often what we call a performative apology. It is not a promise. It's not I'm going to change my behavior. It's a lot of lip service. It's a lot of, let me just say what they want to hear and move this along because I'm not enjoying this, right? It's not benefiting them, and that's what they want. They want to benefit themselves and have control. So this is why you still fall for it though. Let's talk some brain science here, which isn't technically my specialty, but I've done a lot of work, a lot of research, and we're going to dive in lightly into the brain science. If you want further brain science, go find a doctor. So when we are trauma bonded, apologies, feel like relief. And I know you know what I'm talking about. Your brain feels these feel good chemicals. It's like a release, and that's a dopamine. When there is hope of connection or safety, even if it's from someone who's harmed you, right? Our brain does not discriminate. It's just like, Ooh, hope or safety, yes, come over here. Feels so good. It's just like whatever happened before, it just wants desperately to feel that safety. The good dopamine hit. Everybody wants that dopamine hit.

(06:22)
So this isn't your fault. It's conditioning. It's survival wiring because especially when you have been so low, it's almost like it wants it even more, right? It's like, let's say you're falling really, really, really deep in the mud. You get more and more desperate to feel good. You're scared. It feels gross. I dunno if you've ever fallen in mud, it's not the most pleasant thing. So the deeper you're going, you're just like, oh God, I really want to get it. It's one thing you got your toe in there. It's a whole different story when you're up to your shoulders in mud and someone reaches out their hand and they're like, yeah, I'm going to help you. I'm going to give you a hit of joy by pulling you out of this. Okay? That's what's happened to us. So it's not your fault recognizing the pattern.

(07:19)
That's your power though. That's where you get the more permanent dopamine, the more permanent joy by recognizing the pattern. So you can what? Come on class, protect your peace. Stick with me. You'll be saying protect your peace or talking about that golden peace bubble all the time. So here's two practical steps you can take with you. Number one, pause before you react. So you want to sit with your gut before responding. You don't let emotion take the wheel. And this can be hard. I know narcs make us all sorts of emotional messes, right? And so this can take time, but try to remember to pause before you react at all and then ask what has changed? This is very important. I really do hope you are taking notes on this one. What has changed if nothing in their behavior has shifted consistently, consistently over time? What's that? Consistently? Yeah, the apology is lip service. We're not talking about a change. The guy I was dating, Narcos, I'll call him, I don't know. That just came to my lips. I never liked to say anyone's true identity here. So we call him Narcos.

(08:53)
No, he was really, like I said, he's good at apologizing and I'd say he had a pretty good cycle of about a month where he'd try to be on better behavior and change, and it would make me be like, oh, look, he's been not canceling plans as much, or, oh, he included me in this, or, oh, he was talking nice about me in front of his friends. Lucky girl. The bar was pretty low. But you get these little dopamine hits because they give you the little carrots, right? If you don't know about the carrots, we can do an episode on carrots. They give you these little carrots of like, oh, just these little glimmers, little shimmers that make you just want more because you want to get their love. You want their approval. You want to feel that shiny bright thing that they give you a little bit of.

(09:47)
You want more because it feels good because that's normal, right? It's normal to feel good when people make you feel good. So he would, I mean, it would probably, I'd say three to four weeks, and not everyone might have that specific of a cycle, but I noticed he did when I started reeling out of the relationship, which took me a while, but at the end for me, it did take me, I mean, really cracking and saying, he's not changing. I really, I had reached rock bottom and was like, I'm so miserable. He is not changing. He keeps saying he's going to. So have they consistently changed over time for the better? No. That apologies bullshit then.

(10:46)
So that's how we have to look at these apologies. It can help to do pausing, asking what has changed. You can forgive without giving access. You can release without reopening the door so you can forgive someone. I have forgiven people. That doesn't mean I want to be in any sort of relationship with them. When someone apologizes and it's empty, it is empty. Think about that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm tears. I'm flowers. I'm, here's some chicken nuggets from Wendy's with barbecue. Oh, sorry, was that just me? No, it's empty. I'm asking you to change your behavior. I have literally said to people, I think it's because I've had a couple narcs in my life that apologies are so bullshitty that I'm just so over them that I have said to people, healthy people in my life that say, oh, I'm sorry. I'm like, don't apologize first.

(11:56)
It's just an aversion to me. It's like it's nice, but no need to do that. And then it's just watching behavior. I've had friends that have been maybe not the best, that I'm no longer close with. Not saying all of them are narcissists or whatever, but some people, just as I got older and I realized what healthy relationships and friendships were, they just didn't align anymore. And one apologized, but I could tell it was like a forced apology to just kind want to obligate to worry, get over it, move on, that sort of thing, which can be a narcissistic trait, but not necessarily means someone's narcissistic. But what did I do? I did. I said, this is a pattern though, and this behavior has gone on for years and it's not going to end anytime soon. I can tell. And I put distance between us.

(12:54)
So if any of this made you go, oh my God, that's what happened. You're not alone. That's why I do this work. That's how I got here, that I have been through this in not just romantic relationships, but family and friendships. I have had narcissists or narcissistic traded people in my life multiple ways. And if you have an actual narcissist in your life, you may or may not know, the odds of having more of them in your life is higher because we can attract them for certain reasons. That's another episode itself. You can look up, maybe you're an empath, you just have a big heart. Sometimes they're easier targets because of our oversight, because we want to see the good in people. There's many reasons that you can have multiple people that take advantage of you in your life. And then once you start seeing this, you may shed many people.

(13:59)
That happened to me once. I started seeing this one person that was blatant narcissism, and I started really diving into it and studying and all of that. I saw that there was a trickle down effect in other relationships. And yes, I did cut multiple people out of my life because I realized, wow, these are not healthy people for me, and I'm walking on eggshells in multiple areas of my life. It's crazy. So don't do that. Come on, let's all get out together. So I know I went a little side tangent there, but apologies. There's a reason why they feel so good, right? You're getting that dopamine hit, especially when you're down in that mud, that nasty mud. And what can you do about it? Pause. Ask. What's changed? Is it an empty apology? If you're with a narcissist or this is related to narcissist, it's probably going to be empty.

(14:54)
So what do you do? You say they're not going to change and you have to evaluate what you do. I always recommend no contact with narcissists. That's my first recommendation. If you have to be in contact. If it's an ex, you have custody with something like that, you do Gray Rock Method, and I have a couple of episodes, I believe on the Gray Rock method. Very, very important. I'm probably going to do a new updated one. I love talking about the Gray rock method, so I will put that podcast episode in the description. So if this at all made you say, yeah, that's familiar. I get those empty apologies. You deserve better, queen. You are a queen. Did you forget? Do you not feel that shiny heavy crown on your head right now? It's you're a queen. So if you want to go deeper with any of the support, check the show notes for My Empowered Boundaries course. I can't speak or one-on-one coaching Somatic Healing. It's always in there. And you deserve real repair. Not this like recycled ass pain in disguise. No, we're not here for that. Life is short and you're here for a reason. You're listening to this because you were made for more than what you are putting up with. So no more empty apologies for you. Okay? Can we have a pinky swear? Let me see. Oh girl, your nails look good. Okay. Okay, queen. I'll see you in the next episode.

5-Minute Fix for Anxiety + Overthinking (Thrive in 5)

Wed, 14 May 2025 23:08:05 -0400

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

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https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

💌 Questions? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk Speaker 1 (00:00):

When your mind won't stop racing, second guessing over analyzing, running through worst case scenarios. It is time for a reset. This five minute nervous system practice will bring you back to calm back to your body. Back to now. Let's quiet the noise together. Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you. Okay, queen. Take a deep breath in through your nose and slowly out through your mouth. My favorite breath work is the halo breath, which is in through that nose, out through your mouth. Repeat this couple of times in and out until you feel settled.

(01:02)
Let your body relax and let's begin. Overthinking happens when your nervous system is overwhelmed. It's your brain's way of trying to solve a problem that doesn't have an immediate solution or maybe doesn't even belong to you anymore. And if you're someone who's experienced trauma or high stress environments, especially emotional abuse, toxic relationships, your brain may have been trained to stay on this high alert. But right now, in this moment here with Queen Krista, Jade, you're safe. You're safe right now and you get to come home to you. So let's name this overthinking. Say this with me. It can be out loud or silently. I will say a few words and break it up so it's easy to memorize so you can repeat it easily repeat after me. I see you overthinking.

(02:17)
You're trying to help, but I'm okay right now. Good. So you are not broken for spinning in your head. You are human, you're adapting, but it's time to step off that hamster wheel with love. So let's bring you into your body. This is a great way when you want to get out of your head, you go into your body, it's a little spoiler alert. One of the ways we can get into your body is different ways of grounding. So we're going to do a little trifecta. We're going to touch three things that are around you, feel their texture and say them out loud. For example, I'm touching my green velvet blanket, right? So I can say velvet blanket.

(03:25)
Then I'm going to feel the smooth outside of the keyboard on my computer. Smooth keyboard. And there's a tissue over here. I'm going to touch the white tissue. Okay? So touch three things and say them out loud. I will give you time to do that. Okay, now we're going to listen. We're going to name three sounds. You hear, even if they are subtle, it could be a humming fridge, distant traffic. Right now I am hearing the fan going on in my bathroom. It could be the television on in a room that's not yours distant. So name three sounds you here.

(04:43)
Great. And finally, name three things you can see this could be colors, shapes, objects. Perfect. You are so good at this. Have you done this before? Okay, so this simple practice, it's very simple, right? It seems like something we would maybe do with the child. And guess what? This is amazing for working with children. I actually do this one with my daughter who sometimes she has a little perfectionism and this will distract her when she gets anxiety. So it sends a message to your brain that says, I'm here. I'm in my body. I'm in the present. So let's go over those again. So you can use them in the future. And you can save this episode as a reminder. But you touch three things, say 'em out loud. Name three sounds, say it out loud and three things you can see saying it out loud. I like to say things out loud, you don't have to, but I recommend it. I feel that helps me be more present. So let's end this practice with some calming affirmations. And I again, will state an affirmation and you just repeat after me. I am safe in this moment. And you can put your hands over your heart, one hand on your heart, one on your stomach, whatever feels good.

(06:33)
I am allowed to pause. I release what's not mine to carry. My piece matters more than their approval. I choose to return to me. And if you are in recovery from narcissistic abuse or toxic dynamics, I want you to add this one. They do not get to live in my head anymore. I am free. Okay, so let's do a couple more of those. Inhale, exhale, halos in through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, feeling your shoulders drop out through the mouth chest softening in through the nose, out through the mouth. Your body returning to the now.

(08:12)
You don't have to think your way out of everything though. We like to sometimes, right? Sometimes the path just comes after you pause. You are safe and your peace is always worth protecting. So make sure to carve out this time every single day you should be having body time. Let's call it body time queen body time, okay, queen body time at ti. Just play one of my thrive in fives. We are on every single Thursday for around five minutes. It's more today. I think I babbled during some of that, but that's okay. That means we needed it. Okay? So be sure to the podcast, if you haven't, wherever you're listening to this, whatever podcast platform, hit that follow button. So then you get notifications whenever one of my episodes, whether it's Tuesday, longer episode or the Thrive, and five on Thursdays, these little bite-size resets.

(09:15)
You will get notification. And if this helps you at all, I would appreciate it so much if you would share it with a friend who lives in her head a little too much too. I feel like we kind of packed together sometimes, right? So you probably know a couple. So if you wouldn't mind sharing this specific podcast, if you think it would help this episode or anything else you think would help, just share it along. You can just copy and paste the link or tell them to search my show Narcissistic Abuse Recovery on their podcast platform. She deserves peace too. So I'm trying to reach anybody I can to help get through this because we can all come out thriving no matter what we've been through. Alright, thank you so much for listening. Have a peaceful day and I'll see you in the next episode.

(10:09)
That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment. And check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord-Cutting Will Set You Free

Tue, 13 May 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Feel like you know they’re toxic but still feel emotionally hooked? This deep cord-cutting is your sacred reset. Release the energetic ties, reclaim your peace, and feel lighter—fast.

✨ Press play, Queen. Your freedom starts now.

WORK WITH ME 1:1

Somatic Sparkle Sessions:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Narcissistic Abuse Coaching:

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk Speaker 1 (00:00):

Still Energetically Tied to the Narcissist? Cut the Cord in 5 Minutes (Thrive in 5)

Thu, 08 May 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Still feeling emotionally or energetically tied to the narcissist—even after going no contact? In this 5-minute mini healing, I’ll walk you through a powerful cord-cutting visualization to help you release their grip and call your energy back to YOU. 👑

✨ Perfect for when you feel drained, triggered, or just can’t stop thinking about them.

Make sure to follow the podcast so you don’t miss the upcoming FULL cord-cutting ritual episode!

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Want to work 1:1 with Christy?

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

💌 Questions? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk Speaker 1 (00:00):

Alright, are you still feeling like they've got a grip on your energy even after you blocked 'em, you deleted them, you have walked away? Well, it's time for a five minute cord cutting reset. Think of it as a mini detox to reclaim your power. And I'll be guiding you through a deeper full cord cutting in a future episode. So make sure you click that follow button on my podcast so you don't miss it. Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you.

(00:44)
All right, queen, you've done the thing, you're out, you're healing somehow they're still in your head. You feel like you're in their web, right? They're still draining your energy, still showing up in dreams, thoughts, emotions, even maybe if you're co-parenting you have to have contact. But that is an energetic cord. And today we are going to cut it and this is your mini detox. A quick but still powerful reset. And I will walk you through that fuller one in the future. But this is just going to give us a little bandaid. Alright, so step one, you want to actually visualize the cord. So I want you to close your eyes, breathe in through your nose and out your mouth. Picture a cord stretching between you and this person. See where it's connected to your body. It could be your chest. Where do you feel it? Just whatever pops up. There's no right answer. Your chest, your gut, maybe even your throat. Notice its color, texture, its weight. Does it feel heavy? Does it feel light?

(02:08)
This is energetic baggage we are releasing. Alright, and you're a queen, so I know you have some gold scissors, golden, beautiful shiny scissors. And I want you to imagine holding these scissors, they're infused with light truth and your power. Repeat after me. I release this energetic tie. I call my energy back. What's mine returns to me? What's theirs? I release completely. Now cut the cord with your scissors. Feel that freedom. Let the cord dissolve, disintegrate, or burst into light. For step three, we're going to seal and recenter. So place your hands on your heart, breathe in through your nose and release saying, I am whole.

(03:37)
I am protected, I am free. And you are queen. We just cleared some space. You just reclaimed some power. So make sure you're following the podcast so you do not miss the full cord cutting that is longer lasting and very, very beneficial for people that are dealing with narcissists who really know how to suck your energy. So that's your in five for today. So don't forget, you own your power, you own these golden scissors and can do this cord cutting anytime. So make sure to save it so you can come back to it for a quick cord cutting and follow. So you will be notified for the full cord cutting coming soon.

(04:38)
Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment. And check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Why You STILL Feel Stuck After Narcissistic Abuse — And How to Finally Move Forward With Peace

Tue, 06 May 2025 06:00:00 -0400

Still feeling stuck after leaving the narcissist? You’re not broken—you’re healing. In this episode, Christy breaks down the real reason survivors feel frozen after narcissistic abuse and shares powerful steps to start moving forward with confidence and clarity.

WORK WITH ME 1:1

Somatic Sparkle Sessions:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Narcissistic Abuse Coaching:

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello Queens. Today we're getting real about a feeling that so many women carry in silence after narcissistic abuse. Why can't I move on? Why do you still feel stuck even though they're gone, or at least you're broken up, even if you're co-parenting, but they're like out of your daily life? Why do you still feel stuck? Why do you keep second guessing, freezing up, replaying things in your mind, you just feel like you're not moving forward? If that's you, this episode is your permission slip to stop blaming yourself and start understanding what's actually happening underneath the surface.

(00:42)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you so steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:40)
Okay, so let's get something straight right now. You are not lazy, broken or weak. You're traumatized and there is a difference. Feeling stuck is often your actual nervous system doing what it was trained to do. So that's a little bit of a relief here, right? It is freezing to survive. You are in survival mode if you're still feeling the stuckness. So after the chaos, and we all know the chaos of narcissistic abuse, the gaslighting invalidation, the emotional whiplash that yo-yo, the up and down, that you're great, you're the worst. All of that, your body gets stuck in a loop and it's not just your mind, it's in your body. So intellectually it's over. And like I said, that could just be in a different way. It's not the daily. It's not the hourly, but it's over in a sense. But your nervous system has not gotten that memo.

(02:45)
It's not caught up, and we call this trauma paralysis. It's not that you don't want to move forward, of course you do, but your body, here's the key, your body holds that it remembers all of what's happened. It doesn't feel safe enough to, I want to say that a different way. It doesn't feel safe yet enough to move forward. So we live in this world that pushes quick fixes and snapbacks, right? Like, oh, just let it go. You should be over it by now. Why are you still thinking about them? I have been guilty of this saying this to myself and saying this to others for sure, right? When you're in protection mode over a friend, you might be like, oh, don't worry about them. You shouldn't be thinking about them. You deserve more. Don't even worry about them. All those things are things we say to ourselves, to others, but that's not always the reality, especially with narcissistic abuse.

(03:50)
The mindset in that is actually toxic in itself. Narcissistic abuse is not like a regular breakup. It is psychological warfare, and that might sound extreme, but narcissistic abuse is extreme. If you've been with a narcissist, they are extreme. So of course you're not over it. Within a few weeks, maybe even a couple years, you're still feeling stuck and you're not stuck because you're weak. So I want you to hear that again. You are not stuck because you're weak. You're stuck because you were wounded by this narcissist, by this relationship. So take a deep breath here, pause and just take it. Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth. These are my favorite just to calm down. Breaths like inhaling through the nose, out through the mouth is called halo breathing. It's a type of breath work, and just let this settle in as you do these slow breaths and you're connecting to your body, and when you connect and slow your body down, you can actually hear things like affirmations and meditations a lot more clearly, and it's more likely they will actually sink in. So that's why I want you to just kind of calm your body down. Focus on your inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth and hear this. Healing is not linear and it's not on anyone else's timeline.

(05:29)
This is very personal to you and your journey, where you're at, who you are, all sorts of things. So I want you to know that it's not linear and it's your timeline or God's timeline. If you're a God person, I always view it as God's timeline for me. So why do you feel frozen? Let's break this part down. Some of the biggest reasons you may feel like you can't move forward. One, you are afraid of repeating the pattern. Can I get a what? I've heard this one so much from my clients, they are terrified and I was too, but terrified of repeating the pattern. This can be a romantic relationship. This can be friendships. I had some friendships that weren't so hot and I was afraid like, am I a bad friend picker? So you're afraid of repeating this pattern, you got burned. Of course you're scared it will happen again. So that alone can keep you frozen in this hypervigilance. So that's one reason. Another is you lost yourself, okay? You can be found, so don't freak out, but I mean I'm sure you already know and feel because I hear it all the time. I lost myself.

(06:53)
It is a phrase I hear all the time, but for so long your identity was shaped by abuse. And again, this could be with parents, this could be with siblings, this could be with a romantic interest, a best friend, a boss. And even if it's not decades, it could be a short amount of time. It still can do a lot of damage. So who you were, what you liked, what you wanted, it all got buried under survival mode and under what they wanted, or you tiptoeing around because you were in fear of them, so therefore you couldn't be your true self. So you did lose part of yourself. Again, you can get it back. Number three, you're subconsciously blaming yourself. You might not even know it. You might know the abuse wasn't your fault. You might still carry guilt, shame, or what if I would've?

(07:56)
Just those types of thoughts. That inner narrative can create major resistance from moving forward. It goes along with just not trusting yourself. Having that guilt can lead to feelings of like, oh, I made a poor decision, so I might do that again. Number four, your nervous system is still dysregulated, going back to your body, remembering everything and not being caught up. So even after they're gone or you're not dealing with them in the same way, your body may still be stuck in fight, flight, freeze or fawn. That's why somatic healing is so amazing. If you're a new, here I am a somatic healing facilitator along with a narcissistic abuse recovery coach, and I have a link in the description for the one-on-one somatic healing sessions. I call 'em sparkle sessions. There's also coaching. I always have my information in the description of the podcast, so go check that out.

(09:06)
If you are ready to start feeling safe in that body, right, your body remembers it's dysregulated. We want to get it regulated again, and doing that somatic work is the fastest way to do it. So the fifth reason why you may feel frozen is you are grieving the fantasy. You may not miss them, but you miss what you thought was there or the dream of what you wanted to be there. Sometimes we're in denial and we kind of have this ideal, even though we see some things, we glaze over it, we have this dream, the potential what could have been and grieving that can be very complicated, very confusing, but again, it's normal. This is all normal reactions to post narcissistic abuse. Alright, the good part. How do we move forward? Yay. We like the problem solving here. So what do we do with all this, right?

(10:14)
Number one, tell yourself the truth. If you have to stare in the mirror every day when you wake up, put it on a post-it on your mirror, add it to I do affirmations. I've talked about that on my phone. Memos, voice memos. Leave yourself a voice memo. You are not stuck because something is wrong with you. You're stuck because something wrong happened to you. I'll say it one more time. You're not stuck because something is wrong with you. You're stuck because something wrong happened to you. Okay, two, here comes that body work gently reconnect with your body. We get very disconnected from our body when we are in survival mode, when we're in fight or flight, right? You're, you're not where you need to be. So let's do a little micro somatic reset together. Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. If you're driving or something, save this for later. You can just listen. So inhale slowly through your nose for 4, 3, 2, 1, and release slowly.

(11:43)
And sometimes when I'm starting out, I just do four in four out to make it easy. You can change it to four and then six. But sometimes if you're just starting with breath work, you can exhale not quite as long, and you never want to do this in a place where you're not sitting or laying. Always be cautious with breath work so you don't get lightheaded. Okay, do another inhale for four seconds in 4, 3, 2, 1, and exhale, 4, 3, 2, 1. Now, do you feel your body settle a little bit, queen? Yes, that is a nervous system reset. Even a minute a day can shift things, right? I'm just showing you a tiny, tiny micro somatic experience, right? It's a tiny one that was under a minute. That can just help you settle a little. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. We have some amazing, amazing exercises in the somatic world.

(12:56)
Alright, number three, for how to move forward, take small, doable action. I say doable because I don't like to bite off really big bites that are so overwhelming because after narcissistic abuse, you're already overwhelmed. You don't need to have some huge mountain to climb. So don't aim to sprint. Aim to shift one healthy new habit or one boundary. They're my favorite. One new affirmation a day, just one. Like I said, put one affirmation on a post-it, put it on your mirror and say it when you brush your teeth. One thing, don't overdo it. Don't be like, yes, I want to do this and that. It's too hard to maintain. Okay, and speaking of affirmations, there is a link in the description for my free affirmation bundle just for survivors like you. It is only free for a few more days. So go grab that. Okay, number four, don't do this alone.

(14:07)
So moving forward support is so important and healing happens in safe supportive spaces. So we're not lean on your ex narcissist sister. Okay? I'm sure she's lovely. Let's go a little safer, at least for now. Somebody who doesn't have contact in relation with the narcissist is good. So having a friend is important. Then there obviously are podcasts like this. My Thrive in five mini episodes I do on Thursdays are awesome coaching with me one-on-one, a therapist really knows narcissism. They do not all. So do your research and any type of narcissistic abuse support that is valid. There are books out there, some of them are very stale in my opinion. I am working on a course specific to narcissistic abuse recovery. Super excited about that. There are courses out there, whatever you need, don't try to fight it alone, okay? There is absolutely hope so I will drop my coaching info in the description box.

(15:30)
Just a reminder, so I do narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, right? Obviously that is my specialty. And in that, yes, it's a lot of talk and that, but if you choose, and I always give the option, we absolutely can. And a lot of people do the somatic exercises too, so it's a good balance. I love, that's my favorite way. I sometimes just do somatic. Some people don't want to talk, they just want to heal through the body. There's some more introverted or private people, they don't want to share their story. We do somatic healing. You don't have to say much. You can tell me what comes up, but you say whatever you want that comes out. But you can sit there for a whole hour and we just do body work and you don't really have to say much at all. And then there's some people who do the somatic sessions and they talk a lot through it.

(16:25)
They want a lot's coming up for them, and they're more expressive, like I am. My ass talks through that. I have a somatic facilitator as well, and I talk through my sessions. I'm verbal. I'm visual. So I see a lot and I'm just like, oh, there's this and that. Help me. It helps me analyze it. But whatever style you have, I will be able to work with. I will ask you before the session so I know what do you prefer, any of that. So somatic sparkle sessions are really just focused on the somatic experience, but you can have a little talking in there. Narcissistic abuse, recovery coaching is, I would say mostly talking and we can sprinkle in this somatic experience, but either way, you're going to definitely get healing. And the somatic way is obviously more body-based and we go into meditations, visualizations. It's really great for visual people, but I definitely have clients who are not that visual and we've done other exercises.

(17:38)
There's so many different methods. It can be sound, it can be, like I said, visualizations, even future visualizations, repetitive language. There's all sorts of things we can do. And if you want more information, I don't want to sit here and talk about my session for the next half hour or so, but if you have any specific questions or want to know more, there is a link you can look to get more description. But if you have further questions, just email me. My email's always in the description too. I'm just a email away. So you are not behind, you're not broken. You are not stuck forever. Even though it might feel like it, you are healing you listening to this right now, shining a light on it is healing and it takes time. It takes feeling safe and compassion with yourself. Compassion from someone who can support you like myself or a therapist, and the fact you're here listening, learning, that's movement, that's power.

(18:49)
You are taking your power back right now. So give yourself a pat on the back. You have moved forward just in the last whatever. How many minutes is this? 18 minutes. Okay, so sip that tea. Remind yourself I'm not stuck. I'm rising. You are rising up. You are not stuck, are you? Maybe not exactly where you want to be. I mean, isn't that most of us, you are rising one sparkle at a time. You are rising up. So check that description for free tools, coaching links, anything and everything you need to keep on rising like the queen, you are.

Narcissist Driving You Crazy Again? Try This 5-Minute Reset to Reclaim Your Peace (Thrive in 5)

Thu, 01 May 2025 06:48:00 -0400

Feeling triggered by a narcissist’s mind games? This 5-minute Thrive in Five episode is your reset button. Join me for two powerful somatic tools—the Queen Shake-Off and the vagus nerve hum—to help release anxious energy, regulate your nervous system, and return to peace. Save this episode for anytime your crown feels wobbly, and remember: you’re not crazy, you’re just healing. 💫

Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Want to work 1:1 with Christy?

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

💌 Questions? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

I am so excited for this week's Thursday, thrive in five, which is your five minute pause from the madness, the manipulation, the WTF moments that only a narcissist can deliver. So lovely. So take a breath queen. This one is for when your peace is under attack. Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Okay, let me guess. You're getting triggered. They're texting, gaslighting, triangulating, or playing the victim like it's their full-time job, which it is. And suddenly you're right back in this emotional spin cycle. So first I need you to breathe, pause, and we are going to reset together. So first, here's your truth, right? Their behavior is not a reflection of you or your worth or any of that.

(01:11)
It is a reflection of their disorder, their wounds, and their refusal to heal. There are people that will help themselves. Narcissists mostly are not, so you don't have to fix it. You don't have to respond unless of course there's legal stuff where you have to and you don't have to absorb their chaos. So we're going to do two resets today. Two choices. You can pick one, pick both if you're really having a time of it. So the somatic reset, number one is the queen shake off. Yes, we're adding queen in there. I want you to feel like a queen when you're shaking. So stand up if you can. Otherwise you can kind of do this while you're sitting, but stand up, shake your hands rapidly. You are getting this anxious energy, this chaotic energy that has infiltrated your body. You're shaking it off right? So start with your hands, shaking, shaking, shaking, and start to shake your arms.

(02:24)
I like how I'm doing this right now. It's like I can't say the words without doing it, so hopefully it won't mess up my voice here. Then roll your shoulders back, roll your shoulders back, keep going. All right. Now while you're doing this, you're shaking, you're rolling your shoulders so you kind of look crazy. That's okay, we're here for it. Now, bounce lightly on your toes. So you're shaking, you're rolling, you are bouncing, you are getting this energy going through your body. This energy needs to go somewhere and say out loud, this energy is not mine. I release it. Okay, repeat it after me. This energy is not mine.

(03:18)
I release it. This moves the adrenaline and cortisol out of your system and it's starting to tell your body, we are safe now. We are safe now. And if you want to get really cuckoo with it, which sometimes I do because I'm a cuckoo queen, you can run in place while you are doing this, right? So after you're bouncing, you start getting faster, faster into a running in place, shaking your hands and shoulders rolling and running in place. If you really have a lot of pent up energy and you go, go, go, go, go. And you'll know, your body will start to feel like, okay, I'm finally getting this out. You can start to wind down when you feel that. Then you can take some nice slow breaths. So this is just a practice. You can do it with me now for a few seconds, but you can do it later.

(04:16)
Save this episode. This is an important one to have saved so you can go back to it every time. Sometimes it helps to just have someone's voice say, Hey, this is what you need to do. Because when you're going through manipulation and gaslighting and whatever, you get confused. Your brain's all fluffed around. It really helps to have a focus of someone's voice telling you what you need to do, even if it's something simple that typically you can remember when you're in this mindset and being jacked up emotionally by somebody, you're not in the same frequency that you need to be. So you might need a little guidance, that's fine. So save this episode and come back to it and you can do it longer if you need to. So then you're going to wind down once you're shaking and rolling and running or whatever, getting that energy out, and then you are safe now, right?

(05:13)
And I would hold my hand to my heart and say, I am safe. Okay? Number two, somatic reset. Number two is the vagus nerve. Hum. If you have heard of the vagus nerve, it is connected to all things of balancing the nervous system. So you place one hand on your chest and one on your belly, take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, you hum low and long. So, and you repeat that just two to three times, this stimulates that vagus nerve, and that's your body's natural, calm the hell down button. Okay? So that is a really great automatic way to reset. So again, you repeat that low hum two to three times, and here's your reminder. You're not crazy. You're being activated by a pattern that used to control you, but today you're going to handle it differently. It's all on how we deal with things, right?

(06:23)
Lemons to lemonade. You are self-regulating, stepping into your power instead of letting someone take it from you and you're in charge, not them, right? So you get to say, I'm having these feelings. I'm not going to take the bait. I'm not going to react back to them. I am going to shake it off, or I'm going to home. Home. That was so creep. I'll never do that again. So that is your thriving vibe. Like I said, please save this episode because if you are going to save any episodes, this is a very good one to save because it is like one of those quick fixes. Okay, you got this now go sip your tea, adjust your crown and protect your piece. It's got a restraining order against toxic energy. It should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Still Not Feeling Like You After Narcissistic Abuse? Here’s How It Rewired Your Brain—And What Actually Heals It

Tue, 29 Apr 2025 06:33:00 -0400

Is your brain still stuck in survival mode after narcissistic abuse? 👑 In this episode, I’m breaking down how abuse secretly rewires your brain — and how you can start healing it today. Plus, grab my free affirmation list and check out the links for somatic healing sessions and private recovery coaching if you're ready to go deeper. Healing is possible, Queen — and it starts now. 💖

Grab a Somatic Sparkle Session with Christy!

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Want to do 1:1 narcissistic abuse recovery coaching with Christy?

💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello Queens and welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with Christy Jade. Today we're diving into something that literally changes everything once you know it. The hidden ways narcissistic abuse rewires your brain and how to heal it because what fun is it if we don't fix it, right? So if you've ever wondered why you sometimes feel stuck, scared, or even addicted to toxic patterns, it's not just in your head, well, it's actually in your head, in your brain wiring, and today I'm breaking it all down in a way that is hopefully empowering, not overwhelming. Let's jump in.

(00:42)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:40)
So first, quick brain science 1 0 1. Our brains are constantly adapting. It's called neuroplasticity. And when we go through narcissistic abuse, especially over long periods, our brain adapts, but it's in this survival mode way, right? Well ways. So here's what that can often look like. This first one I knew I always had, but I really didn't understand why until I really did my own education and research and really dove into the narcissistic world. But hyper vigilance, this is always scanning for danger. Even subconsciously, you may not even notice you do it because if you kind of had this going on since childhood, then that's something that may have mostly been there because you've always been doing it. So you really don't know any different. But subconsciously you are always scanning for something to go wrong even when you're safe now. And even if this isn't just in emotional relationship wise, it can go into other parts of your life.

(02:59)
You can even be in a parking lot and be really looking around and anxious thinking that something's going to happen because of a totally unrelated situation. But you have that hypervigilance that just bleeds into all areas of your life, which is what did happen to me. So I'm very familiar with that one, and you may be too. Another one is people pleasing and fawning. So this is a very common one with a lot of my clients. I myself was not a people pleaser in general, but with certain, I would say in my family, I people pleased in a lot of situations due to this. So your brain has learned to be agreeable to keep you safer, right? Because if you are in a narcissistic, abusive situation, you get manipulated, you get gaslit, you get tricked, you get mind ed, whatever you want to call it.

(04:01)
So your brain wants to protect itself and it knows if you are not agreeable, you can get hurt, and that could be emotionally, physically, in whatever ways. So your brain's trying to keep you safe. Then there's the self-doubt and the gaslighting loops. And this one is what drives us batty, right? It has driven us. If you've been through narcissistic abuse specifically or you're wondering if you are, this is a good sign, right? With narcissists, there is no doubt you have been gaslit. So you start to question your own instincts and memories while you're in the situation. And even if you are out of the situation for years, that can still definitely be there if you have not healed it and done the work, right? So you question your own thoughts, your own feelings. Did that even happen that way? Because that's kind of how your brain was trained.

(05:03)
And the last one we're going to talk about today is the addiction to validation. And I just know everyone basically listening right here can really relate to this. You chase these crumbs of approval because your brain was trained to seek safety through what those external love bombs. So you're chasing these little crumbs because it feels a lot better when you finally get those love bombs. It's like this weird addiction to saying, oh, okay, I am safe in this moment. In between the unsafe moments, we become addicted to the love bombs, to the feeling special, to all the manipulation. So none of this is your fault. I want to throw that out there. So can you just take a moment and breathe? Take a nice breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. This is not your fault, none of this. Your brain was trying to protect you because something was happening bad to you.

(06:22)
You did not do this. This is not your fault. But the beautiful part is if it rewired once, right? This has been wired, all of this, it can rewire again. So a lot of people think, oh, the damage is done, this is done. No, we can rewire this in your favor. So now to the good start, the good start, the good stuff, how to start healing and rewire your brain. So the good news is the neuroplasticity is not just how the damage happened. Like I said, it's how you heal too. So what has been done can be undone. So I'm excited about that part. Yay, we love that. And I am proof. I have had a lot of rewiring done. It is amazing. And I remember in the beginning kind of being skeptical and I think it even works faster the more you agree to believe from the get go.

(07:26)
So maybe you can move faster than I did, but I still move pretty quickly with my rewiring. So we're going to talk about four powerful ways to start healing and retraining that beautiful queen brain of yours. Alright? Number one is, if you don't know if you are new here, I am a somatic healing facilitator. So this is one of my favorite things in the world, somatic work. This is getting out of your head and into your body. I want any time, first, I'm just going to throw this before I go into it, throw this in there. If you could take anything from this podcast episode, when you are feeling stressed out, anxiety, questioning yourself, looking over your shoulder, waiting for that shoe to drop any of these outcomes of being abused, I want you to think to yourself, get out of your head and into your body.

(08:24)
Get out of your head and into your body. This is crucial, and I'm just saying that as a little tip, but the big work is deeper work, right? It's ongoing work. It's really creating and carving out the time to do this work, this somatic work. So this can be breath work, this can be grounding, this can be meditation, visualizations. I teach in yoga. That's a great way too. Shaking it out. Screaming into a pillow is literally somatic work that can be done. And all of this getting out of your head and into your body sends an I am safe message to your nervous system, okay? It is sending your nervous system a message. It is getting closer to safety. It might take some time. The first time you do breath work, you're not going to be magically healed. That's just not how it works. Rewiring can take some time, but it does not have to take as much time as you probably think.

(09:32)
So I actually offer personalized somatic healing sessions if you want deeper support. They are magical. I have plenty of very happy clients and testimonials if you want, but I will link my somatic sessions. I call 'em sparkle sessions in the description box so you can check that out and see if that's an option for you. Alright, going into the next one, affirmations and new dialogue. It's a similar thing as far as the repetition part of it, right? The brain listens to repetition. That's why daily affirmations, and I did these in the beginning. I still do daily affirmations, but I did a long list of them and I did them very frequently in the beginning. And you don't have to overwhelm yourself, but I definitely recommend when you wake up and right before you go to sleep. And what I did in the beginning was recorded myself on my voice memos on my phone.

(10:35)
I recorded, it was about, I think then I think it was 20 minutes. It was a long one, and you don't have to do that. If that overwhelms, you start with a 10 minute one and you can build up if you want, if you want. But mine was, I really dove in and I did a 20 minute affirmation. I have a list of affirmations actually that I can also link. It's free that you can start using or you can create your own. I'll put that in the description box. But daily affirmations are one of the most powerful healing tools. You've probably heard about them because it's cliche, but I always say, well, cliches are cliche for a reason because they work. So I really, really highly recommend daily affirmations. Like I said, in the morning when you wake up and right before bed is when your brain is most open to receiving and rewiring.

(11:33)
So it's a beautiful time. Also, if you do hypnotherapy, which I am going to try for the first time, I'm doing hypnotherapy and a couple of weeks and I am so excited, I will report back. I will do an episode about it. Actually, maybe I can interview her on here. Oh, that would be fun. So squirrel. I have a squirrel brain, you guys, okay, keep up with me. So affirmations, new dialogue, and really doing those when your brain is most open, but you can do 'em. I set timers even for myself at lunchtime and then like an afternoon one, and I do prayer and affirmations. Boom, boom. Shakalaka. Let's go to number three. My favorite word in the world, what is it? Boundaries. Boundaries as healing tools. Ironically, I did not set it up this way. I also have a boundaries course for you guys.

(12:30)
It's like every one of these lines up with what I have as far as offers. That's cool. I did not plan it. It sounds like I did. But every boundary you hold reinforces to your brain. It's saying, I am safe. I am protecting myself. Now here's the news, fresh, no one's going to protect us. We protect ourselves, but you have to protect yourself. That's the key there, right? That's something that, I know it sounds silly and I'm kind of laughing at myself saying it because it sounds silly, but that is a truth and it's an unfortunate truth. But really, people aren't going to protect us like we protect ourselves.

(13:17)
And especially if you have a history of abuse, you may not trust anyone too at this point anyway, right? It's great to trust people, but you might not be there and that's okay. So your best way to protect your peace, that gold bubble, we like to talk about that golden peace bubble pictured around you. I love her. Okay? That's your boundary bubble, and that's how you keep yourself safe. And in turn, you keep your family safe, your kids safe. It is a domino effect. So every boundary, every time you set a new boundary, that golden bubble is getting stronger and stronger and more indestructible. God, I love boundaries. All right, number four, self validation, practice validation. We all need that. I mean, coming out of narcissistic abuse, that is a word I hear over and over. I want to feel validated. It's like you have been so invalidated going through what you've been through and even after, sometimes even when you're out of a situation, you still question yourself.

(14:30)
So it's like, God, it feels so good to be validated, and it's great to get that external validation from someone like me, a coach, a narcissistic abuse coach cheering you on, validating you. That's great. A therapist is great. That really good BF of yours, that was like I told you to get out of that relationship and I'm going to validate the shit out of you. She's great too. But guess what? You have to validate your own feelings and experiences without waiting for others to agree. You got to get to that point and build your brain strength and resilience. And again, this might not be overnight, okay? Do not feel bad. Give yourself grace. Give yourself time. But you look in that mirror and you say you know the truth. You know what happened, your feelings are valid, your memory is correct. You could do affirmations with self validation, but that self validation, that is something when you get there, it's huge.

(15:39)
It's a huge healing. So healing is not about doing everything perfectly, but it is about consistent tiny wins that stack up. I always say sparkle by sparkle, right? People say brick by brick, I prefer sparkles. And those rewired patterns, they become your new normal. And it's amazing. I can't tell you the difference in my life. I mean, even five years ago, you guys, I wish I could draw a visual of it because it is insane how it's affected my entire life where I didn't realize, I didn't realize how much it affected even my work, how it affected just how I view myself, friendships, motherhood. I mean, this stuff affects every part of us. So the more you heal, it's like this beautiful unlayering of a lotus flower petals. Yeah, I'm getting woo woo here, just layer after layer. It's like, oh my gosh, look at, and it happens quickly because like I said, you're healing one thing.

(17:05)
It has that domino effect of healing where it's going into other parts and you're just like, oh my gosh, wow, this is, I start making more money. That's a true thing. I started making more money. I started just magnetizing a much more quality level of friends. I mean, it's a whole other episode I could do, but just when you shift and you get healthier, your life gets healthier all the way around. So I know it's kind of a side tangent because I'm a squirrel squirrel, but it will become your new normal and it will be a beautiful new normal. Okay, so what time is it? How long? 17 minutes. Let's do a little visualization, a real quick one. Okay. So if you're in a spot where you can close your eyes, close your eyes. If you are driving, just soak this in. Do not close your eyes.

(18:02)
And do not get distracted by me. You could even turn me down or turn me off, or pause me because I don't want to distract you from driving. If you're in a place where you can be in the quiet, snuggle up with a little blinky, take some breaths, let's do a little visualization. Okay? So imagine a warm golden bubble surrounding your entire body, just this glowing golden light and a sphere around your whole body encompassing everything from your top of your head to your feet. Or if you're sitting down just wrapping around your spine, your legs, all the way under you, feel it seeping into every cell, breathing in, rewiring you with peace.

(19:06)
Imagine that peace traveling all around you, that calm, neutralizing, and just calming everything down. Then imagine the power. Maybe you feel you've lost power. It's time for that power to come back, that power seeping through all of your cells and now a protection, a strength, traveling around that bubble through every cell of your body. You've got peace, power, protection. You are safe in this bubble. You are strong in this bubble, you are free. Breathe that truth in. You are safe, you are strong, you are free, and know you are healing. Even now, right in this moment, right in this one minute exercise, you are healing. Isn't that amazing?

(20:27)
Okay, so that's it for today's episode. If this spoke to your heart, do not forget to follow the show. It's so important. Follow me, follow me. And if you could leave a quick review on Apple, it helps this message reach even more incredible women who deserve this healing too. So please take 30 seconds to go click the little five star. If you scroll down on my main page of my podcast, you scroll all the way down. I dunno if it's all the way down, but if you scroll down, you'll see five stars. Just click that fifth star because I deserve five stars. I mean, we just did a fun little thing. Come on. Come on. I'm Christie. I'm just kidding. And if you're ready to go deeper, I do offer private one-on-one narcissistic abuse recovery coaching. I have gotten questions recently. Is it actually me and not a team of coaches?

(21:17)
Yes. I like to keep this intimate as long as I can. So I'm going to, and so yes, I work, I do some group coaching. So we can customize your healing journey together in that one-on-one coaching. And you can find all the info linked in the description box below. Remember, there's that also Empowered Boundaries course. There's affirmations. They're all the goods. So make sure to check out that. And there's a Facebook page, a private free Facebook group that you can join as well. So go check the description box out. And remember, healing is not just possible. It's inevitable when you keep showing up, right? It's that consistency. So keep showing up to my podcast. Keep showing up for yourself, sign up for somatic session, whatever it is, and until next time, protect your peace girl. Okay? Get in that bubble. You look so good in gold.

Grieving Someone Who’s Still Alive? Try This 5-Minute Meditation to Release the Pain of Estranged Relationships (Thrive in 5)

Thu, 24 Apr 2025 04:59:00 -0400

You can still love them… and still need distance.
In this 5-minute guided meditation, we gently release the guilt, grief, and “should-haves” that come with estranged or toxic relationships—especially those involving narcissistic parents, siblings, or partners.

This is your moment to reconnect with peace, honor your heart, and remember that walking away doesn’t mean you didn’t love—it means you finally started loving you.

Press play, take a breath, and let go with grace, Queen. 💛

Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Want to work 1:1 with Christy?

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

💌 Questions? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk

Hoover Who? How to Spot, Stop, and Shut Down Narcissistic Hoovering Like a Queen

Tue, 22 Apr 2025 05:47:00 -0400

Ever get a “Nobody gets me like you” text from a narcissist you tried to keep away from? Or the ol’ “I had a dream about you…” 🙄 Don’t fall for the bait, babe — it’s called hoovering, and it’s a manipulative mind game meant to suck you back in.

In this juicy, no-fluff episode, I'm breaking down exactly what narcissistic hoovering looks like (spoiler: it's NOT about love — it's about control). You'll learn:

Why they come back just when you’re glowing up 🌟
What “supply” really means (and why they’re desperate for yours)
How to handle hoovering like a boundary-setting queen 👑
My 3 Queen Rules to stay blocked, blessed, and unbothered 💅
Plus: Affirmations to protect your energy + your peace

You are not a vending machine for their broken ego. You're a whole QUEEN. Let’s armor up, get savvy, and stay unshakably in our peace bubble. 🫧

"Grey Rock Method " Episode mentioned:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776

Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?

Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Want to work 1:1 with Christy?

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

💌 Questions? Email me anytime — I got you. FierceMamaC@gmail.com

Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk

TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello Queens. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with me, your host, Christie Jade. It is my birthday, so I'm feeling all sorts of grateful and sparkly today. So I wanted to just shout out to all of you listeners and clients, thank you. Thank you so much for being on this journey and supporting me and being a part of my peace bubble. So I hope that I've helped you maintain your peace bubble and learn how to stay in your peace bubble and spread your peace bubble. We're all about peace bubbling today. Alright, so first of all, what is that? Just checking in that I miss you. The weird birthday text. Speaking of birthdays, out of nowhere, if you have been no contact or even low contact and you feel like that narcissist is trying to wiggle their way back in, that is Hoovering. It is called Hoovering. That is the name. So we're going to break it down and make sure that you are blocked, blessed, and unbothered by their hoovering. So stay close and we will dive right in.

(01:12)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.

(02:11)
Okay, so if you don't know what hoovering is, some of you may, some of you may not. If you don't know what exactly it is, it comes from the Hoover vacuum. Yeah, the actual vacuum, because the narcissist is trying to suck you back in after a discard or a period of silence. They usually go through these rotations of behaviors. So they will often build you up, discard you, suck you back in. It's somewhat of an abusive cycle. They may say things like, I've been thinking about you or I can't, can't stop dreaming about you. Or I had a dream about you. I've changed. Let's talk this out. Or Hey, you good, right? These little things that may seem innocent, but when you're dealing with a narcissist, there is no innocence and they all have a manipulation, some string attacked, right? There's all meaning and intention behind everything they do, and they might even go dramatic, and I've definitely had this in my past.

(03:20)
The showing up unannounced, sending flowers, my flowers all came after poor treatment. That's part of the regular abuse cycle. Then you had a narcissist in all sorts of fun, pretending to be sick to get your attention or suddenly becoming spiritual or like, oh, I'm going to go to therapy, and it just is very sudden and there's a reason for that. It is because they are trying desperately to get control of you again, because if you haven't listened to all my podcasts, here's a giveaway, not a giveaway like here's some money and some flowers giveaway. But a giveaway of something that narcissists always are doing is either trying to gain control or get control back checking if they have control. It's all about control. So whenever these things happen, even if they have discarded you, they want to know they have control of you. So they're going to do all of these hoovering techniques to check and to see if they have control or if not, they're going to try to get it back through the same techniques.

(04:34)
So it's not about love. It's not about really wanting you back. I'm sorry you are special, but you don't need this narcissist to make you feel that way because it's BS coming from them and it's about control. They're not actually seeking connection with you. They are seeking access. I'm going to repeat that again. They aren't seeking connection and it can be tricky. I get it. I've been there, but they are just seeking access to you, and if you let them in again, they will just restart the same manipulation cycle over and over. So don't let that shiny sparkle bait fool you. Right? What do I always say? Don't take the bait. I think I'll make t-shirts. Don't take the bait because the fish hook, it's still there. So why do they hoover? So let's say you've moved on, which most of you listening, most of who I work with are people who have moved on from an actual relationship or have moved on and are getting sucked back in and are trying to stay out.

(05:45)
So you have moved on and they feel it and they hate losing their supply. If you don't know what supply is, these are energy vampires and they need supply to build their egos and to get that control. We talked about the more healed and distant you are, which they feel, they can feel that, right? They sense it, whether it's just obviously in a physical way, you're not around them, you're not answering their calls or emotionally or energetically. They can feel you going further and further. The more desperate they become. They sense that you are getting healthier. They sense that you are growing, they sense you are self caring, all of those things, and it makes their ego panic. So that's one reason why another, they are testing your boundaries. You're starting to show boundary setting. It's one of my favorite words, but it is not their favorite word.

(06:48)
It is their least favorite word. They want to see if you will bite though, if they can still reel you in and know that they still have that power over you. That's a game. It is a game to them, and it ends up being a deep wound to you. You have these wounds to them, it is a game. Do not play their game, homie. Don't play that. We're not going to play their game. Okay? Number three, they're bored or they need a hit of validation. This is just slimy feeling, but it's true. So they're low on their narcissistic supply and you have been a reliable source before they go to the easiest targets. If they've already had you and they know they can have that power over, that's a lot easier than starting with someone new. So they'll come sniffing back around and it is gross and a tb gbs and we're not here for it.

(07:46)
And you're better than that, right? You are not a vending machine for their broken self-worth. You are a queen. Okay? So how do you respond like this queen? What do you do? Here are my three queen rules to handle this like the powerful goddess who are all right. Number one, no response is a response. I know some of you still have that guilt where you feel like, oh, if I don't respond, no respond, I'm a bad feeling, a bad person. Or they may feel bad even though you know they're rotten. You still don't want to make anyone feel bad. They just have this pull over you. But silence is a full sentence. You do not owe them closure. You don't owe them anything. You don't owe them a response. You don't owe them kindness. You owe yourself peace. If you're in a situation where you can block them, delete them, do all of that, do it.

(08:49)
That is my recommendation. If you need to work with me to get there, please reach out to me. I will put information in the show notes. Email me if the link, for some reason, a link. Last week, someone wrote me and said, my link did not work. I don't know why I have to check on that. Always email me if something doesn't work, email me. But they're usually good. I don't know what happened. So make sure, I'm so glad that they still reached out via email, so now we can work together. So I'm sorry about that. If anyone else tried to sign up and couldn't, but working one-on-one with me, we can work through a lot of this stuff that is hard to do on your own. I get it. So you need to protect your space. You deserve that. Now, number two, expect the Hoover and prepare.

(09:36)
You could even keep a little Hoover folder on your phone. You could put a little vacuum emoji. Do they have a vacuum emoji? I hope so. And put screenshots of lies. They said any of their toxic behavior, chaos. You could write in your little notes section on your phone, just write notes. Things that I used to do this with an ex I had that was horrendous. I had back in my day when this was going on, I didn't really have notes and everything on my phone. Our phones weren't as efficient as they are now, and I kept a piece of paper. I remember it had 33 things on it. I still remember the number. 33 things that I could read whenever I felt like whenever he'd read. He would show up in the middle of the night with flowers. He would leave stuff on my car.

(10:24)
He'd cry and leave messages and poetry, everything. So I would take this paper out and just read over and over to not get sucked back in because he had that power over me until he didn't. So that's a way to do it. Now, you don't have to carry it around in your purse. You can put it on your phone. And when you start to feel shaky, you're going to pull back into the web. Nostalgic, you remember the truth. What is the truth? It is easy for it to slip. I get it. So keep notes, screenshots. Have a little folder on your phone and just either put a spider web or a Hoover vacuum right on there. Number three, energetically shut it down. You can do affirmations. You can do somatic healing with me. But even starting with some affirmations that you repeat every day, especially in the beginning, multiple times a day, have them on your phone in that folder, right?

(11:25)
I am unavailable for manipulation. My piece is protected. My energy is sacred. Say it. Feel it, believe it. Part of it is really getting those things down, and it's not overnight, but the more you do this stuff and the more hand to heart, and I know other people have gone through this and gone to the other side and gotten away, gotten out, haven't got pulled back in. It's possible. It's possible for you. If I can do it, you can do it. Trust me. It's not easy for anybody. And if you are still in contact, this is for co-parents or shared responsibilities, if you're still in contact, because you have to be, you can still do the Gray Rock Method. Some of this stuff you can use as well. But the Gray Rock Method is your bff. I will put that in the podcast notes, the description, be boring, be dry, give them nothing emotionally.

(12:33)
Do not take their bait. The Great Rock method is brilliant. We love it. We love it. But that's where the power is, right? And it's hard, and you might mess up and you start over. That's okay. Don't beat yourself up. We're not perfect. But the more you practice it, the more you become that gray rock. It is one of the best tactics for narcissists because eventually they get bored. Will they come try to Hoover again? Yeah, gray rock. Gray rock, gray rock as much as you possibly can. It should be a hundred percent of the time. But again, we're not perfect. So that is a really important method here. If some of these things you can't do, if you can't totally block, which I always want to say this to my co-parents, depending on your situation, talk to your lawyer about getting on a third party app where that's the only way you communicate that should be allowed. You can add that to the addendum of your divorce decree.

(13:40)
Some of my clients do email only, but there's third party apps that you can have, I think your lawyer on, and don't quote me on this, I am not a legal person. I just hear things and I pass them on. In this situation, if you want to ask me questions or you want to ask me about the apps, I can check in with other people I know for specific app names. Maybe I'll do actually an episode on that. But I am not here for legal advice. Okay? I'm throwing that out there. But I do believe if you talk to your lawyer, you can figure out a way where you do not have to have, I feel like texts are worse. People get more emotional in texts. They feel like they have more access to you. Email can be more formal. And then if you put a third party on an app, then they know they're being watched by somebody else and they either behave better or if they don't, it's right there and your lawyers see it and it's there for the courts.

(14:42)
Everything's documented and saved on this app, and it's a beautiful thing. So that's just a little tip. Yeah, and tell me, you guys in my Facebook group, if you're not in it, go join it. By the way, that'll be in the description as always. Come join my Facebook group. It's private and free, but tell me in there, you can always message me on Facebook or Instagram or just write a post and tell me if you guys want more information on divorce tips, if you need that. Okay, so I know how tempting it can be to peek at the messages, wonder if they've changed or even just respond out of habit or guilt, right? But let this be your reminder. You are not who you were when they last had true access to you. You are healing, you are rising, you are glowing like a damn queen.

(15:42)
You're reclaiming and it scares them, and that's good. You can let it scare them. But that's why they are grabbing back. They feel a lack of control. They feel you are stretching away from them, and it's all about the power. So if you want extra help setting powerful boundaries that stick, grab My Empowered Boundaries course. This is it's good stuff and it's packed with everything you need to keep these narcissists out. And your piece in. I'll put that link in the description. If this episode hit home, share it with the fellow queen who needs that Hoover proof armor, because we got to keep each other safe on these streets. No, let's keep each other strong. I want to help as many women as I can and men too. If there's men out there listening, great, share it with your brothers, your sisters, anybody out there?

(16:48)
I would just want to help as many people as I can, be able to stay away from these toxic people and toxic relationships. You deserve so much better. So let's be before we go, let's go back to that affirmation from earlier. There's going to be three. I'm going to add the fourth because I always have to have my special one at the end. So if you're in a space where you can hands to heart, shut your eyes. Don't shut your eyes. If you're driving, take a couple deep breaths in through your nose, out through your mouth. That's called a halo breath. And breathwork is part of Somatic Healing, which I am a facilitator for. If you're interested in that, breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth, and repeat after me. I am unavailable for manipulation.

(17:48)
My is protected. My energy is sacred. I'm a queen. Yes, queen, yes, queen. I love it. All right, so I want you to just let this episode really set in Hoovering. It's mind boggling, it's confusing, but remember that you are stronger than their games and they're tricks. You're seeing them now. And I'm not saying that it makes it easy, but it does make it easier. Once you see what they do more clearly and more clearly, you'll get so much smarter and stronger with this. Okay, so the little check-ins, the I miss you, the, oh, remember, here's our song. Or, oh, you're the only person I remember those texts. You're the only person who gets me, or you're the only person who would understand this. It worked okay. It worked on me many, many moons ago. Now I see right through it, but it took time. So give yourself a break. If you get pulled back and you've gone back and forth, don't beat yourself up. But you're here now. You are doing the work. I'm so proud of you and I'm here for you if you want to work one-on-one together, or if you want my boundaries course. And if you have any questions, feel free to email me. I will talk to you in the next episode. Have a beautiful week, smooches.

Why You Are Still Attracted to Narcissists ( And How to Break the Pattern )

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 05:38:00 -0400

Ever wonder why you keep attracting narcissists, control freaks, or just plain toxic people — even after doing all the healing things?

Spoiler alert: It’s not your fault... but it is your time to break the cycle. 👑

In this juicy episode, I’m spilling the truth about:

Why chaos can feel like chemistry 💣
How childhood wounds + nervous system wiring keep you stuck
The surprising reason you confuse anxiety for butterflies
And the exact tools to shift your energy, raise your standards, and finally attract what you deserve — peace, safety, and healthy love 🙌

If you’re ready to stop calling crumbs a meal and start walking in your QUEEN energy… this one’s for you.

Press play, babe. Let’s break this pattern together. 💥✨

Join my free private facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Grab your Narcissist Abuse Recovery Journey to Peace Call and Blueprint with Christy:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Somatic Healing Session with Christy

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/somatic-sparkle-healing-sessions/

My Empowered Boundaries Course:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider EMAIL ME! fiercemamac@gmail.com Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk BOOK MENTIONED: https://a.co/d/8er9jzd TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00):

Welcome to, but rewind reverse. It's not, but still she thrives. Not anymore. Christie's throwing a fast one. Yes, I have changed my title. If you didn't see in the podcast artwork or on the title, it is now called Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. We are getting very clear, very straightforward, so more people will know what my title means so they know how I help people so I can help more people. Makes sense, right? So when I first started this podcast, I didn't know if I wanted to just have it be narcissistic abuse. I thought maybe I want to branch out. And the more I do it, the more I just love helping you guys specifically with narcissistic abuse recovery. I know there are some episodes that will help people still in the mix, but my specialty is helping people who are out of narcissistic toxic relationships, right?

(01:05)
I have a lot of people co-parenting with narcissists, or you have disconnected from a family member and you're dealing with the aftermath of that. Or maybe you are on the verge of deciding what to do and you need a little boost. We're here to catch you and do the journey with you. So the brand as a whole, just not to confuse you, everything will still be narcissistic abuse. I am going to get really into the recovery, really focusing on the recovery, how you can break the patterns we're talking about today, how you can help your nervous system, how you can trust yourself again and rebuild the life you want. So that is the general idea. There's going to be obviously so much more, but really we're focusing mostly on the recovery. So today's episode is why you're still attracted to narcissists and how to break the pattern. So stay close.

(02:05)
Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal. Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

(03:03)
All right? So have you ever felt like a freaking magnet in your heart has only attracted narcissists or control freaks, manipulators, people that you have to walk on eggshells? This could be romantic relationships, friendships, Donald down the street. I don't know anybody. It just seems like you seem to attract energy. Vampires, manipulators, gaslight or whatever. You're like, why does this keep happening? So there is a reason that this does happen, but it's nothing wrong with you, okay? It's a truth bomb, but the good news, it's nothing wrong with you. But there are reasons this happens. And first of all, childhood conditioning is a thing that is when because of your environment growing up, which I would say a large part of you who have been in narcissistic relationships that were chosen probably had some stuff going on in childhood that could have led you that way.

(04:13)
There is a small percentage that it could be people pleasing personality, but oftentimes that can be caused over people. Pleasers can be caused by something that has happened or a dynamic in a family in childhood. But either way, most, I would say most have unmet emotional needs during childhood, which creates this familiarity with emotionally distant or even abusive partners that we experience. You've either got people who dismiss you or could take or leave you, or you're always last place in the family unit. And then there are the abusive partners, obviously the narcissistic partners, and you really have just this familiarity with and accept that because of the familiarity, it could be, I don't really know any better. It could be like, well, subconsciously this feels safe and familiar to me and it's not your fault. So that's the good news. So the other thing, there's a couple other things.

(05:18)
Repetition, compulsion. So this is where you actually subconsciously are creating, you recreate the old dynamics that you used to have. Let's say you get out of a toxic relationship, your body subconsciously will almost seek out those similar situations hoping to fix it, to rewrite it, to rewire. Our body is amazing and layered. So luckily we don't have to go through it time and time again to fix it. That's where all of our little coping and healing methods and methodologies come into play. And then there's nervous system addiction. This one is huge. This one you may have heard of before, even if you didn't know what it was called. It's where chaos can feel like chemistry, right? Those big highs. It's actually chaos. When you fight, you fight hard. And it's like, I feel like I always mention Eminem and Kim Eminem, if you're old enough to know Eminem, do younger kids know Eminem?

(06:23)
Now, I don't even know Marshall Mathers, but it's those high highs and low lows, and just that chaos is you view it as a chemistry when you've been wired for dysfunction, whether that be earlier in your childhood or even let's say you had a long dysfunctional relationship, a very codependent relationship, and then you break out of it. But there's an addiction to that drama, to that chaos. You've heard people addicted to drama. That's what it is. Okay? So what feels like love is often just your nervous system recognizing it's old dance partner drama. Well, ain't that some shit? You're like, well, that's great. Well don't worry. Don't worry. We'll get help. That's why we're here. So let's talk energy because it's not just about seeing the red flags that you ignored in other relationships, friendships or red flags that were there in your family, but you couldn't do much about because you were living under their roof, whatever.

(07:31)
It's, it's also about your frequency. So trauma actually lowers your energetic frequency. I'm going to say that again. Trauma lowers your energetic frequency, making you a match for who? People who feed off pain, they always say like narcissists generally have a type. It's people they can feed off of and it's off of the pain, not the peace. When you have a narcissist, they have no fun with people who are really feeling healthy and peaceful and confident. That's not a match, right? That's not going to work because that confident, peaceful person is going to feel that wrath of a narcissist and never be okay with it. And again, this isn't your fault that you've been okay with it or you've been this energetic match, right? But it can come from childhood stuff like we talked about trauma, lack of self-worth, and that leads you to accept crumbs.

(08:40)
Can we talk about the damn crumbs, these narcissists drop? I'm going to give you a little crumb here and there and beat your body, mind and soul in between. Yeah, that was fun. Let's not do that again, right? But that's from that lack of self worth. So there's also the intuition versus fear where sometimes we mistake anxiety instead of anxiety. We're viewing it as butterflies because first of all, do you know that you actually have very similar energetic frequencies when you have anxiety versus when you have butterflies and excitement? So the body itself can get a little confused. But when you have trauma and all of the stuff that we have gone through, no one has taught us that difference, and we haven't had good healthy environments or relationships to go by where it's like the good butterflies. So we are mistaking anxiety, the walking on eggshells, that fear for butterflies because that is what we're used to, kind of goes back to what you're familiar with, but also no one was there to teach us that difference, and I'm here to teach you that difference. So stay tuned. There will be more episodes about that.

(10:02)
So this is where you have to tap into that inner sparkle, right? Getting reconnected to yourself. This is one of my hugest things I talk about in my coaching. We start out every coaching, I don't care if you've already done it with somebody else in therapy, whatever we do, a hell yes, hell no system that will knock your socks off. It's going to re-identify you get down to what is a yes in your no, a no in your life. You're going to get to really know yourself on a deeper level and connect with yourself. Again, it's your inner sparkle, I call it, right? You can call it intuition, you can call it holy spirit, activate whatever you want, but I call it inner sparkle. And when you don't feel safe within you will confuse chaos for connection. But when you reconnect to you that inner sparkle, God, intuition, whatever you want to call it, truth to me, it's truth to it's your truth.

(11:06)
It's God's truth, the truth that is you. When you connect to that and you can, I know you're like, but I don't even know where to start. I'm going to help you. You start acting entirely different. And when you act different, you think different. What else? You attract differently. You attract differently, okay, this is science. Science, yay. All right, so that's all great. How do we break the patterns? So now we empower her, that inner sparkle inside of you. We're going to give her some tools and say, let's do this. We're going to put her crown on because she's a queen. And like I said, we start with this. Hell yes, hell no list, revisit. This is a zoomed outlook. Obviously when you work with me, this is very detailed and it will be transformational. It will be life-changing. But I'm going to zoom out.

(12:07)
You can start somewhere. This is your homework. If you want to work with me, we'll get to that in a second. The hell yes, hell no list. Revisit what actually feels good in relationships. And you're using this as your internal compass. So when we do this, this is something you do on your own, but then we also come back together and I help guide you. And if you need help relearning some of these things, I listen to what your inner dialogue is and we kind of evaluate, go back and forth, and I ask questions to get you to come to your own truth, your inner truth, that inner sparkle, right? Then the self-trust rebuild. I get it. If you're just out of a relationship for even years out and haven't done the work, you're like, I don't trust myself. Are you kidding? Look what I put up with.

(12:56)
Look what I let my kids go through. Whatever. I've heard it all. So you're doing some intuitive journaling, re-parenting yourself. Maybe you didn't get parented how you should have. You've got affirmations. I see you, I hear you, I got you to yourself. Do you know how powerful that is to just hold yourself and say, I got you. You were not held and got you. Weren't that the way you should have been? So I got you. Now, showing up for yourself builds that self-trust. There's a lot that goes into that somatic healing. One of my favorite things to do. Your body holds the blueprint to ever rethink. Your body remembers. There's a great book called the Bobby. The body remembers. Maybe Bobby does too. I don't know who he is. I have a cousin, Bobby, maybe it's him. No, but the body remembers. I will try to think to link that in my description.

(13:58)
If not, it's an easy title. Remember, go look on Amazon, the body remembers it's a great book, but your body holds the blueprint. We use breathwork, we use grounding. My meditation bundle that you get free with a lot of my programs is amazing. My four minute start today, I give that free to everybody who joins my email list or my Facebook group. You guys have probably gotten that if you've joined either of those things. It's a four minute start your day meditation. I am huge into meditation. It has changed my life. Don't poo poo it till you do it. And that starts to regulate and recognize true safety. And for anyone who says, oh, meditation, I don't have the time for that. Do you have the time for this? I don't think so. Do you have time for bullshit? No. Let's do a little meditating.

(14:52)
Anyway. So you want to regulate and recognize true safety. True safety. Imagine what that you get to feel that again. Or if you never felt it at all since you were born, since you were a kid, you get to know what safety is. Yes, please sign me up. All right. One of my favorite words in the world is boundaries. I have a whole freaking course on this, A 10 video course. I'll put that in the description box. But boundaries as protection and magnetism, right? We know boundaries is protection. Everyone talks about it. Oh, boundary up, right? Boundaries. Keep your peace protected. Protect your peace with the big bubble. I always talk about the damn peace bubble, but when you own your power inside of that bubble, when you're finally like, yep, I got this. I've got my walls up. It doesn't have to be perfect for it to be successful, let me tell you that too.

(15:56)
Okay? I've had my slip ups of boundaries, but overall successful as hell, the wrong people fall off when you are owning your power, period. Ex point, maybe a no, drop the question mark. We'll not question ourselves. We've got self-trust boundaries. I love that as a magnet to the right ones coming into your life. This is new friendships. These are very healthy people in relationships that want to build you up and want to hold you and say, I got you too. Yeah, you got to get yourself. But guess what? It is icing on top to have a partner that you don't have to walk on eggshells. That you don't have to wonder, do they even have my back? You don't have to wonder if I say this. Are they going to do this right? I mean, we all have our shit. We're all going to have minor conflicts or we're people, people in the world, we're human.

(17:04)
But if there's patterns of just not feeling good enough for your partner, imagine what that would feel like to have a partner you feel safe with and they are attracted to you because you know who you are. That's when you find true love. And I will say that about when I found my husband. I really was very strong in who I was. I had a lot more confidence than even five years prior. And it was kind of like when I finally was comfortable, maybe it's more comfortable, I felt more comfortable and sure of myself. I feel like when I actually attracted my husband, the healthiest human in the world, I still pinch myself. And I'm like, is this real life? But I did a lot of work to get there. I did. I had a couple nutty ass exes. Sorry, exes. If you're listening, you probably know you're nutty a little bit, don't you?

(18:10)
Definite. I can think of one who dev land, some major narcissistic traits, and it was always about him, very dismissive, not very nice with the words. Sometimes I would say emotionally abusive. Luckily I wasn't physically abusive because I would've cry. He chopped his face. But I'm telling you the difference of after I got out of the relationship and I went to more therapy and I started just working on my self-esteem more. And even though I didn't know it was narcissism at the time, really, I wrote a lot. I journaled a lot. I did a lot of work. And I hate to call it work because I actually enjoy doing it, but it's what it's called. Soul work. Does that sound better? Soul work? But I journaled. I went deep. What is it about him? What is he really bringing me? And it was almost nothing, right?

(19:11)
I mean, even our good moments, they were always followed by a very steep hill down. So I'm getting way off topic here, but I'm trying to just convey to you that when you magnetize a healthy person, and I think this is what's hard, sometimes you can't see over that hill because all is this side of the hill. And I'm trying to scream from up here. I promise you, the peace you feel is worth the work, the soul work. It's worth the pain and hardships that do come with being strong, cutting off toxic people, whatever you need to do. It's not always easy work to build a bubble and protect yourself and do what's right for you and for let's say your kids or whatever it is. Your correct, yes, the right, yes in your life, your purpose. If you're a God person, I can speak from the God point of view.

(20:14)
I'm a God person. I walk in God's purpose every day, and I know damn well what is not a part of that purpose. And it's not pain. It's not saying we never have pain, but it is not knowingly going into pain day after day, walking on eggshells, accepting abuse. That's not it. That's not love. And I am up on this mountain up here, this hill, because you can get up here with me. I'm going to reach down and pull you the hell up with me. I'm up here. It is so peaceful and it is so worth the journey. So if you want to walk in this journey, you need someone there with you. I will put the different ways to work with me in the description. If you want to email me and ask more about working with me, I do somatic healing, I do just coaching.

(21:14)
I can do little mix of both. And I have my boundaries course that I've sold a lot of lately, and people are writing and loving it. It is empowered boundaries. So I'll link that and I will put my somatic healing link in there as well. And we can start off with just a touchpoint session. And if you just want to talk and have a free chat, I'll put in a link there too to see if you are a match for what I do, to see where we could go in this journey together. Because I'm telling you, the piece on this side is I didn't know it existed. I feel like it's the same thing as my husband. I always say I didn't know someone like him really actually existed. And I'm not joking or being cutesy and romantic when I say that. Because of that frequency I was at, I attracted some low dudes, some low energy dudes.

(22:19)
And like I said, I got my frequency up. I attracted him, and I almost sabotaged that. That's the story for another episode. If you all want that, let me know in the Facebook community group, go join that. If you're not in it, I'll link that. All the links, all the fun. But because I was like, it was almost like I felt like this is too good to be true. And I was terrified. It felt very unfamiliar. Obviously I'd never had anyone like him and I almost sabotaged it, but I got smart and I fixed it. I'm smarter and I look anyway. I'm so passionate. I'm running out of vocal chords here, so I will end this episode. But yes, I'll put the ways to work with me, my boundaries, courses in there. That is, it drips out every week, one episode or video, whatever, every week so you don't overwhelm yourself.

(23:25)
And it's really, really good information if you suck at boundaries there, it's lemme speak frankly. And if you want to work in more of a customized way, then we can grab a free call. Or if you want to just jump in and jump on a somatic healing coaching call, we can do that. And if you just want to say, hi, I am always available on email and you can hit me up on Instagram and have you noticed a pattern in the kind of people you attract, hit me up, share that with me. And I am fierce. Christie, Jade on Instagram. If you are on Instagram, go follow me over there and say hello. And yeah, let me know. Is there a pattern that you feel like there's a specific type of person you attract? I'd love to hear. Alright, so you guys, thank you so much for being my support on this podcast.

(24:20)
I'm so excited for the name change and I feel like there's also this uplevel energetic boost with it. So let's go rah rah Mbba. Before we have our three outgoing, what is it called? Affirmations. Is that it? Yeah. All right, let's have some affirmations. Take a deep breath. If you're new here, you just breathe in through the nose, out the mouth. That's called a halo breath. My favorite breath. Whoever knew one day I'd say I have a favorite breath. 10-year-old man. Did not know that. But here I am. All right, you're going to start with, let's do I attract. Alright, we'll do repeat after me. I attract healthy individuals. Our next one. My frequency is higher every day. And last but never least because I'm a queen. Yes, shine that crown, baby. I will see you in the next episode. Have eight. Beautiful day.

Emotional Healing Through Decluttering & My Declutter Challenge

Thu, 10 Apr 2025 09:15:11 -0400

Decluttering has become such buzz word a hot topic. Marie Kondo really exploded it. But her style is too overwhelming for people who have gone through trauma. I have found a great technique that works wonders for people like you and I who already have overwhelm and need to do things bit by bit AKA sparkle by sparkle! So let's talk about how my declutter technique actually helps HEAL more than your home!

My Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ChristyJade

WAYS TO WORK WITH ME:

Intake “Power Hour” coaching call

https://calendly.com/butstillshethrives/intakecall

1 month coaching package

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

3 month coaching package (with unlimited voxer access between calls)

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hello? Hello. Today we are going to talk about decluttering. This is something I've been dabbling with leading on my YouTube channel for years. It is one of the things I do that, uh, people get a little excited about. So I was like, why don't I do a lovely little podcast about the relation between decluttering and healing. So that's what we're gonna talk about. So stay close, and if you're on YouTube, you can stare at my face as I talk. And if you're on podcast, here's my voice. Hello. And you podcasters get a special little intro. Do, do, do.

Speaker 1: (00:46)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still, she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal. Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kinda lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up, ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:43)
But now we're back from the intro. Alright, so like I said, we are going to dive into decluttering for emotional healings today. Now decluttering, it's, it's become such a, I don't know, like a hot word, hot topic. Marie Kondo really exploded it. Ali Caza, who is one of my actual mentors, um, also really became, well, well-known for her declutter course, and then she became a bestselling author with her book called Declutter Like a mother that I highly recommend. And she's amazing. Um, and it just has become such a thing because it can have so many benefits besides the obvious just decluttering your space. So I wanted to talk about, for people who have gone through trauma or just are overwhelmed at a really deep level where overwhelm leads their life and they have high anxiety or depression, your space can get out of, can get out of control, right?

Speaker 1: (02:51)
So decluttering can have many positive effects on the mental and emotional wellbeing, which contributes to healing. So your healing journey, if you're listening to me on my normal podcast about narcissism and abuse and how to make life better in general, you're someone who is probably on a healing journey or getting there. So here are some reasons why decluttering can be beneficial. And we might have a follow-up episode with this. Um, depending on how well it's received. If, if the people wanna hear more about decluttering, let me know. So first of all, the obvious one I think most of us know is reduced stress, because clutter in your living space can create visual chaos and can contribute to feelings of o overwhelm. Not everybody has this, but a lot of people who already feel overwhelmed and anxious. This can definitely happen to, if your space is cluttered and there's a lot of just things that ever, basically every item you have, you have to manage.

Speaker 1: (03:58)
So if you're someone who's overwhelmed, you're already feeling overwhelmed by decision fatigue, just making all sorts of decisions and actions. Maybe you're juggling your work, your home life, your kids, your friendships, travels, whatever. There's, there's a lot of balls we have in the air, especially I know a lot of you are moms like I am. So when you have that more organized, serene environment, it can reduce the stress and promote that sense of calm that we're striving for, right? A lot of us are like, I just wanna have calm. I wanna feel like I have my together. And when your house is, for me, I, this goes hand in hand. I am so tied to my environment, like hands down. I used to say to my mom, like, you'll know how my week's going. If you look at my room when I was like a teenager, right?

Speaker 1: (05:00)
Like having a good week, it was kind of tidy, feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. It was reflected in my environment. I think that's pretty common. So that can also though be like chicken and egg, where by doing these declutters, I'm actually doing a declutter challenge on my YouTube right now. It's a 30 day challenge. So if you're on my YouTube, go check those out. If you haven't, if you are not on my YouTube, go find me. I'm Christy Jade, C-H-R-I-S-T-Y, Jade. And you'll see my declutter series has started, and I have previous past Declutters on there too. Um, but I do declutter in a dash and I do that for people like myself and others like me that get overwhelmed easily. And the Marie Kondo ain't working because we don't, we cannot, we don't have the capacity to pull out an entire wardrobe, lay it on our bed and pretend we're gonna actually get that done quickly and we're gonna end up having to sleep in the guest room, right?

Speaker 1: (06:06)
Like, I don't have the capacity to do these huge overhauls. Occasionally I'll do one if I'm in that spirit of life, but, but it's rare. These mini declutters are where it's at for people like us. It is, I'd say 10 to 30 minutes tops is ideal. And that's also including the time you take to, um, allocate the items that either go to the trash or giveaway or to like another room, right? So anyway, I'm getting sidetracked here, but I, that's kind of like the intro into it is, yes, it reduces stress. This, this is how and why, and in these mini sessions is the best way for people like you and I to do this, right? If you have an, a big chunk of time and a big chunk of money, it's great if you can have someone come in and like redo everything in a few days.

Speaker 1: (07:04)
But the everyday person doesn't have that. Okay? Number two, another way that decluttering helps is improved focus and productivity. Productivity. I always say that word, word anyway, because a clutter-free space allows you to focus better on the tasks. Again, I will work from home. If I'm sitting there either on the phone with a client or typing up doing all the backend stuff that I do for my business, and there's a pile of laundry to the right of me on a chair, where is my attention gonna be? It's gonna be split. So it's so important to keep things decluttered and keep up with, um, cleaning routines, which I, if you guys want me to, um, I will also, you can email me, my email's always in the show notes. You can email and ask me my cleaning routine right now. It is just, it's awesome. Um, it, it's very helpful for keeping up with it with cleaning and laundry.

Speaker 1: (08:11)
Laundry is a big one. Oh, okay. Knocking stuff over. So you're less likely to be distracted by the mess, which can lead to increased productivity, right? And that sense of I've accomplished something. So that is number two. Number three, enhanced emotional wellbeing. As I talked about, physical clutter can be often a reflection of your mental clutter. So sorting through your, and organizing your belongings. That's why I was saying the chicken and egg right can help you process and release emotional attachment to objects. And again, this is a process, but it can be cathartic. Um, I've done it even with, let's say in the past, like when I had like ex-boyfriend stuff, you know, I had a little bin of, you know, the cards and mementos and stuff and it was like, I wasn't excited to do it, but when I finally did it and released that quote clutter, it did help release, right?

Speaker 1: (09:19)
Because I don't have that in my space anymore. The, I'm a big energy person, if you don't know that about me, and even knowing it's in my space is taking up some, some of that emotional space, that emotional clutter, because I don't need from my ex-boyfriend if I'm not with my boyfriend, right? I even did it with an old friend. We had a little box that were cheesy butts, um, of cards and just same type of thing, tickets. And yeah, there were some good memories, but, um, she wasn't so kind to me in the end. And so there was a, they were tainted anyway. And so I released those and just having that out of my space. And I know that's, you know, like past this and that. But there can also be things like, um, let's say like things with negative associations. Like let's say you're a prom dress, you just hold onto it for nostalgia.

Speaker 1: (10:21)
But whenever you see it in your closet, let's say you have in your closet, it's just in the back there and it's like, oh, nostalgia. But let's say you've gained some weight. I just know this has happened to some people. I've had client that held onto a lot of clothes from the past and she'd gained weight and it was a reminder, like every time she looked at it, she'd feel bad about herself. And I'm like, girl, first of all, that was like 20 years ago. We've all grown and you are a new you and that is holding you back. And we don't wanna feel stuck, right? I'm like, antis, stuckness. That's what all my coaching is about. We don't wanna be stuck. We want to be living in the now and looking forward to the future, creating the future we want. So does staring at things that are, have negative feelings, like listen to your body, booboos, you're looking at something in your closet and it makes you feel bad, get rid of it, right?

Speaker 1: (11:18)
So that's another kind of angle on the emotional wellbeing aspect. Number four, clear reminded, this goes hand in hand kind of with, I was saying you're working from home or just in general, but a tidy space often does translate to a clearer mind. And when you remove the clutter, you may find it easier to think clearly. So besides being a distraction, like you're looking at that laundry pile, I do again, believe in the energy of when there's a bunch of chaos around. It is harder for me to think, even if I'm not looking at it, even if I'm staring at my screen. It's kind of just knowing it's there and feeling this like chaotic energy around, right? So decluttering is creating a more harmonious and positive environment. I noticed that just today I took down my, I had a bunch of Christmas stuff up and we took, you know, we took it down like a week ago or something.

Speaker 1: (12:14)
Um, but I, I have felt more at peace in my living room. I love Christmas. I love Christmas decor, but with a child, the decor got a little outta hand and she likes all little things and plays with them. I'm like, I know I'm gonna miss this one day. So I take it all out. But it felt so calm having so much less stuff around after the holiday, clear out, you know, number six, increased self-esteem. So actually accomplishing the task of doing the decluttering, that alone can build your confidence and self-esteem. I know it does for me. I'm like, look at me. Go look at me. Declutter the crap outta my kitchen. Go ahead girl. Getting rid of all those VAEs yesterday. Um, it shows that you have the ability to take control of your surroundings, which sometimes we feel like we're out of control.

Speaker 1: (13:08)
Like we don't have control. Like we don't have our together. So even that's what I love. I'm very immediate satisfaction and I know a lot of my followers are too, right? I tend to attract people like myself. That's a thing with a lot of, I don't know what you call me, I don't wanna say I'm an influencer, but like whatever a a, I'm a vibe . No, but I'm, I'm in a public space, right? And a lot of times you will attract people that are like you. So knowing what I know from talking to my followers, my subscribers and just knowing how the world works with when you follow people, it's 'cause you resonate usually, right? Um, it, I think we have this love the dopamine hit of like doing something quickly and feeling accomplished and good about it. Like, yes, I did that and not having it take, you know, two months to, to complete.

Speaker 1: (14:04)
That's why I love these quick declutters. 'cause it's like, yes, I did that look, yes. Ooh, I cleared out a a drawer in like seven minutes and I have like, you know, a third more space and that feels good and I did that and I can, it's like a reminder. I can take control of things even if it's little by little, right? Because that can, that's a whole other story. But that can relate to, and that's how I do my coaching as well. We can't do everything at once, but little by little it really feels better than you might think. And you, it's like a snowball effect where the, the more you do those little by little, the bigger the impact, the bigger the effect. And it's amazing. And that's why I love coaching. 'cause it's so fun to watch people grow so quickly. Um, but it is kind of, I call it sparkle by a sparkle.

Speaker 1: (14:55)
So that self-esteem will rise. Number seven, space for new beginnings. La la la. So decluttering can be symbolic of letting go of the past, like I mentioned, and making room for new. And this is, this is your environment. This is also decluttering those nasty, toxic people outta your life. That, that was like a benefit I had of when I kind of decluttered a lot of, not just physical, but just I did a lot of work emotionally years ago. And it was, it was hard, but, but distancing from toxic anything or chaotic anything, environment people. Um, I did a lot of it and it was like a lot to handle 'cause it was a lot at once. But I will say holy cannoli, yeah, I said holy cannoli, the space it opened up for new people that I didn't even know. Like, such empowering, uplifting women even existed honestly, that were like, that I had access to.

Speaker 1: (16:04)
If that makes sense. You know, you see women like motivational speakers or whatever, these, you know, people that seem far off, but these are like real life everyday women that I have become friends with. And I would not have had the open space if I wouldn't have taken out the toxic people out of my life. And it's similar, right? With decluttering. I mean that's a tip in general, that's always a tip for me. But talking about our physical space, same thing. Clear out what is not working for you, right? You get rid of those nine pairs of old pants that you just don't fit in and they make you feel bad. Get rid of those and maybe go get yourself a couple pairs of cute new pants that make you feel good, that fit you now. And you're looking in the mirror and you're like, Gina, I do still got it.

Speaker 1: (16:53)
Okay. Um, so the space for new beginnings, I love that. And last, there's, there's more benefits, but I'm gonna wrap it up with number eight, better physical health. So a clutter, flee, flea. Flea, a clutter-free environment can be easier to maintain and clean. So first of all, the time you get back, I just wanna throw that, that's kind of, that's physical health related to in a way, but it's also, it's separate. The time you get back is insane. The less you have, the less you have to clean and manage every single item you have to manage. Imagine, think about all the items you have in your house. Picture 'em. Gosh, like that's, that for me is a reminder. Whenever I feel like, oh, I don't know if I wanna get rid of this. I do sit and think about Christie, think about all the stuff you have.

Speaker 1: (17:44)
Imagine all of it. That's so overwhelming to think about. This will feel good to just get rid of it. Get rid of it, right? So all the things that are not working for you, that means they are working against you, that's against your health. Also. The more stuff you have, the less clean, the more allergens you have. I know that for a fact when I lived in a one bedroom apartment with all wood floors and barely anything in it, my allergies were not as bad as when I moved in a house with a bunch of carpet and accumulated a lot of stuff. Uh, huge difference, right? And just creating like a healthier living space, right? And I will say this, when I do these declutters, I get more steps in getting those steps in through decluttering, organizing. It's, I don't know, it's my like hyperfocus right now.

Speaker 1: (18:40)
And I love it because I'm getting my steps in on top of my workouts. I'm gonna dance class, um, aiming four times a week and it's a great free way to get a workout, right? You're going from room to room. Like you can make it more time. I know we're doing the declutter in a dash, but that's 10 minutes of some sort of physical activity. And if you wanna go for 30, you wanna go for an hour 'cause you have the time that day or you wanna allocate that time, say, oh, I could do that. That could be in my workout dance while you're doing it. You know, I do. I mean, not on camera 'cause you couldn't hear me, but when I clean and I organize on my own, declutter on my own, I jam out and dance and bop around. So burn, burn, baby burn.

Speaker 1: (19:30)
So remember, the process of decluttering is personal and the benefits do vary from person to person. Oh, someone's beeping me. Um, it's not just about tidying up the physical space, but creating the mental and emotional space, right? It's all intertwined. And I know it's not easy, but what I always try to do with my clients in my coaching world with decluttering, whatever it is, is I'm trying to help make life more fun. At the end of the day, I want life to be simpler and fun for you and decluttering, doing it in a dash, I hope is feels lighter for you and that you can look forward to it and say, oh, I, I got 10 minutes. I gotta a half hour instead of like, these major overhauls that are so overwhelming. And maybe we have the energy to do that sometimes, and that's cool.

Speaker 1: (20:32)
But if you are like me, I do not have that often. And these, I do get excited to do these with you guys and I just love doing this declutter challenge and I might continue it or I don't know, you'll, you guys, I'll get your feedback toward the end of it. Um, if you want me to continue or do a new challenge, like an organizational challenge. But it's, it's very freeing feeling and it's simple. It's, you know, it's just, and when you get into that daily habit, it's so helpful. So again, if you're on YouTube watching me, just go to my channel where you already are and um, watch my declutters subscribe if you're not subscribed. And if you are listening and you didn't even know I had a YouTube channel surprise, I have YouTube channel and I do, I don't know, I do random.

Speaker 1: (21:22)
I'm random Christie. So I do declutters, I do makeup videos. I might start a series on Wednesday nights of past dating stories. I thought that would be fun. My husband thought that was like a grand idea. He actually, I think he gave it to me when I was telling dating stories because I have crazy, insane dating stories. So that could be fun. Um, but yeah, I'm just, you know, I'm just me just living my best life, trying to have fun, keep things peaceful and simple, but have fun doing it right, like healing. I love a good heel. Healing can be fun too. So if you're looking for help in that area, on the emotional side, I am a light. I don't like to even say life coach. I need to find a new name for myself. But basically, especially if you've been through some stuff and you're just not feeling good and you want that sparkly life, that just joy.

Speaker 1: (22:16)
Like we're not, we're not looking to be, you know, queen of the entire world, but we're queens. That's my thing. We are queens and we should treat ourselves like queens. Other people should treat us like queens. I'm not saying 'cause we're better. We're all deserving. God created us right? As these people who should not be, um, what's the word I'm looking? Suffering basically, right? Like we should, he doesn't want us to suffer every day. He's sky daddy. That's why I call him Sky Daddy wants us to live our purpose. And if you're not a God person, that's cool. It's your higher, higher person. What's it called? Your higher self, right? What's your higher self want? And there's so many ways to help heal yourself. And I do believe decluttering. It sounds so weird. Like, oh, decluttering is healing, but it truly is. And I can vouch for it because whenever I do it, I feel such a dopamine hit and that like, like I said, this accomplished.

Speaker 1: (23:21)
Like, yeah, I did it. You know, I'm doing the thing even if it's bit by bit. Um, so thank you for listening. If you're on audio, hello. Hello. Come join my YouTube and if you can see my face, hi. I can't even see my face. I don't even have my thing on right now. There we go. I couldn't see 'cause I had my notes to the side. I gotta keep notes. I have a DDI need some notes up in here. So I hope you enjoyed this podcast. And like I said, you have, you have the my email address. The email address fierce mama C at gmail that's in the podcast notes. So shoot me a note, say hi. The links to How to Work with me, ways to work with Me are always in the show notes. So check those out and say hi on YouTube. All right, Bibo boo, I love you. Are we gonna do, we're not gonna do, um, 'cause I think this is running long. How long is this? It doesn't say, I feel like this is long. So we're not gonna do affirmations this one, but I will try next time. Okay. Excuse me. Pardon me. Love you. So smooches and deuces. I will see you in the next episode.

How to Let Go of What No Longer Serves You ( Spring Reset for the Soul )

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 05:37:00 -0400

It’s not just your closet that needs decluttering this season—your soul does too. In this episode, we’re doing some deep emotional spring cleaning. I'm walking you through how to clear out toxic habits, relationships, and even sneaky thought patterns that no longer align with your healing journey.

We'll also revisit my game-changing Hell Yes / Hell No method to help you evaluate what truly deserves space in your life right now. If you've been feeling stuck, heavy, or emotionally cluttered, this episode is your permission slip to release and rise.

Join my free private facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Grab your Survivor's Journey to Peace Call and Blueprint here:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

My Empowered Boundaries Course:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider EMAIL ME! fiercemamac@gmail.com Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk Mentioned Meditation episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-best-ways-to-meditate-to-rebalance-your-nervous-system/id1662241353?i=1000700731909

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Hello, my beautiful queens. You know what time it is? It is spring. Well, it depends what area of the world you're in, but for many of us it is spring cleaning. If you're somewhere else where it's not springtime, let's call it fall cleaning, whatever you want to call it, it is a new season approaching. And guess what that often means, physical declutter. But it also should mean to you mental declutter. They are attached, right? They go hand in hand. When for me, when my surroundings are like a hot mess express, that's usually a sign that my brain is kind of a hot mess express where I'm going through something. So think of it that way. And you're probably decluttering your closet, maybe working on spring projects. But what about your spirit? What about that soul? This episode is perfect for right now, in the new season, new energy, whether you're getting rid of that narcissist or just ready to release all the BS you put up with or ready to release the behaviors that you are still maybe practicing because you got accustomed to them by being with a narcissist or having narcissists in your life.

(01:15)
So stay close and we will dive in.

(01:21)
Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with. I'm wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

(02:18)
All right, so let's start with that Soul clutter. We don't really talk about as much. So what is soul clutter? This can be lingering relationships that we are not really being served by, right? They're not serving us. They're not making us feel better. We're walking on eggshells. This may not be the narcissist that you're here listening to the narcissist podcast about, but guess what? Oftentimes when we do tolerate narcissists, we also tolerate just poor behavior from maybe poor people, people that treat us poorly, right? This is a theme of poor. We don't want to feel poor in spirit. I'm not talking about money. I'm talking about feeling poor in spirit. We want people who uplift us, who make us rich in spirit. So what are those relationships we maybe need to declutter? What are habits that we want to get rid of? And some of these could be people pleasing habits, right?

(03:19)
If you're here, you may know what it's like to people. Please, not necessarily with everyone. I'll say I myself was not a people pleaser with every person in my life, but with certain people, definitely with the narcissist and definitely with some family members, I felt too afraid to really speak my mind, speak up, protect myself and all that. So you may still be in the habit of not protecting yourself, not putting yourself first when you need to. You may have thoughts that clutter your mind. I know you know them that I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. Maybe I deserve this. Maybe I'm the crazy one. All those yucky thoughts we need to clear out. And here's a big one, the guilt. I have talked to so many clients recently that are co-parenting and they have guilt from maybe even being with the person they are now free from, or they have guilt of not wanting to have any contact with their ex besides the required because they want to feel like they're really co-parenting in a good, nice, healthy way in front of their children.

(04:33)
And then there's also the shoulds that go along with all of that, right? So emotional clutter sneaks in, especially after, well, during of course narcissistic abuse, but also after, because like I said, we have been primed. We have been conditioned to accept certain behaviors, and we have been twisted into thinking certain things about ourselves. We have been confused. We have been mind ed, excuse my French, that I didn't actually say. There's a lot of things that we have been victim of, but we are not going to be victims anymore. This is the spring cleaning I'm talking about. We are going to kick that soul clutter to the curb and say, no more say it with me. No more. No more. I am not accepting this clutter in my soul. You have so much better things to fill your life up with, your heart, up, your spirit, all of that.

(05:40)
We don't need this. So let's normalize the fact that this is normal after narcissistic abuse to have all these things. I mean, it's not fun. I'm not throwing a party all excited that it's here, but I want to normalize for you, and it's hard to let go of a lot of these things even when we know they're not good for us. Why is that? Why is that? There could be codependency on a narcissist, or even, let's say you have mutual friends. Sometimes it's hard to let go of people associated with the narcissist because you still have strings attached because that is what has happened to us. Again, we are the victims of these things, but it's time for you to take control and decide. We've got to make decisions here. If you're going to declutter your soul, girl, you have to say, I decide I'm going to do what is best for me as the best I can moving forward.

(06:43)
And some of those habits, those thoughts, the guilt, it's also hard to let go of those because we're so comfortable with them. They're part of our identity, it seems. Spoiler alert, it's not your identity that is not the core of who you are. You might even believe it is. I'm here to tell you, no, sissy, it ain't. It's not you. When you were born, this was not your identity. It was not your identity to have these thoughts, to have the guilt, to have the shoulds, to have these relationships that are crappy and not conducive to your life.

(07:30)
So I want you to let that sink in. Even though certain things might not be good for you, you're accepting them and I'm normalizing that for you. I'm giving you grace. You give yourself grace about it. And you also say, guess what? It's time for me to change. So something I do with my clients from the get go, and if we work together, this would be on a much more detailed, in a more detailed way than I'm going to kind of zoom out with you here, but we do this. Hell yes, hell no filter. So this is something you do when you work with me, and then my clients go back, even after they're done working with me, they will go back and reevaluate. It's pretty simple but so powerful. And so many people do not do this in their daily lives. They don't go back and check in and do this.

(08:32)
So if you get anything from this episode, I want you to write hell yes on one side of a piece of paper and hell no on the other side because we're spring cleaning and we're going to start small, okay? If you work with me, we go. I say sparkle by sparkle too. We do small, but it impacts big. Okay? So for me, I go back to this list myself. I just had to do this a couple weeks ago. I had a friend that I was like, man, I really love her. We've been there for each other through a lot, but there's a lot of things that just aren't sitting right, and I have to look at my hell yes, hell no list, and think about what's really conducive to my life and what's not, right? These are things we go back to and I felt like, you know what?

(09:26)
I think at this time, I've got to just take a little breather, just step back a little because this is not healthy for me. Sometimes we have to reevaluate even years later. So think about, and you can pick one of these topics, people, habits, thoughts or obligations. Which one just screams out to you when you say, oh God, it just feels exhausting. It could be people in your life. Maybe there's really draining people that are taking up too much of your time. You feel like you have to answer every one of their calls. You feel like you have to solve their problems. A lot of people pleasers really take on a lot. It could be habits, just destructive habits you have that's really taking over. It could be thoughts, it could be you are in your head telling yourself lies, you're not good enough, or you can't do this, or you'll never be able to get over this.

(10:20)
If that's taking over. Take note of that. And then the obligations. This was a huge one in my life, gosh, probably a decade ago when I read this book. The best yes, which I'm now rereading again, because obligations wise, I felt spread so thin as a new mom, going to all the little birthday parties and this and that on top of my stuff, just learning how to balance it all. I wasn't balancing. I was just adding, adding to my plate and I was exhausted. So that would be a good one for someone like that. If that's you, obligations could be it. So I want you to pick a topic and then kind of go a little deeper into it. Maybe just start with one person that pops up that you feel like is exhausting and start setting a boundary. It could be a friend, like I said, is calling multiple times a day and you feel like that's what friends do.

(11:22)
We're there for each other. Okay? You don't have to be there multiple times if it fills you up and that's how you want to spend your time. But also there's a lot more positive, better things. And if you're on a growth journey, it helps to work on yourself and maybe be doing those habits you're not doing. Go work out instead of sitting on the phone for an hour of someone just dumping all over you and not making changes in their life. I always say I like to help people who help themselves. I will be an ear, but I'm not here for people just complaining. Complaining without doing anything about it. So maybe that resonates with you. Maybe it's the obligations. Dig a little deeper. What specifically is it? Is it the family events? Or there are just so many and you feel like you have to go to all of them?

(12:14)
Maybe you only go to every other one and see how that feels for now and tell your family. Have an open discussion that you feel very spread thin in this phase of life and it's nothing personal, but you're trying to just take a little off your plate. And if your family loves you, they will understand. So what else do we have? And there's the thoughts, right? Maybe it's practicing, doing affirmations every day to counter the I am not worthy. We add, I am worthy, I am valuable, I am loved. I'm a damn queen. If you know my affirmations at the end of these episodes, a good affirmation can really just make you smile, crack that smile. So like I said, if we work together, we go really deep into this stuff, but this is just a zoomed out version that can make a shift in you if you choose one of these things to actually do. But you have to follow through. I love the people one, because I think everybody, I feel like a lot of people have boundary issues with people in our situations. People have gone through narcissistic abuse, even after, tend to have a little trouble setting boundaries. They've been taught that they shouldn't have any. So it's time to buckle up those boundaries.

(13:38)
So when you do release some of this soul clutter, some things that might come up are guilt. If you do cut someone out or you just don't answer the phone every time they call, you've got to do something with that guilt. I call it flushing it down the damn toilet. I'm just kidding. You have this guilt and you have to really get to the truth. The truth. If someone is dumping on you, and maybe it's a one-sided relationship, there's always drama and chaos and they always need advice, and it's just, you have to know. I'm telling you, and I think in the depths that's probably covered up by all this crap, but deep down, deep, deep down, if you search, you know, should not feel guilty about that. You shouldn't. That is not healthy for you. But guess what? This will help your guilt. It's not healthy for them.

(14:44)
It is not healthy for them, for you to enable them dumping on you and not doing anything about their life to make changes. And it's really just enabling and actually toxic to themselves. So throw the guilt out the door. Then there's, oh, this is a good one. So the limiting beliefs like the, I'm not worthy. Here's a big one. I can't trust myself. I have heard this so much recently with clients, listeners, to my podcast writing in, I can't trust myself. People write in, please, can you help me trust myself again? Yes I can by the way, but on a zoomed out version here, what can we do with that? I can't trust myself. You've got to get reconnected to your body, and I highly recommend meditation, yoga, and meditation doesn't always have to mean sitting with your legs crossed, owing, and listening to the birds chirping.

(15:55)
I think that's great. I love doing it myself. But there are different versions, and I think I do have some episodes on meditation specifically. You can search and I'll try to put'em in the description, but when you can't trust yourself, it's because you've been disconnected from yourself. That happens, especially with narcissistic abuse. Any type of abuse, any manipulation, gaslighting, confusion, someone inflicting confusion on you upon you will make you lose trust in yourself. You lose trust after narcissistic abuse saying, how did I let that happen to me? Oh my God, I can't trust myself. Well, you just got disconnected, baby, you got unplugged. So you need to get plugged back in. How do you do that? Carving out the time to be in quiet with yourself is, I would say the number one first thing you need to do. I have guided meditations. I can put my insight timer.

(16:53)
I have meditations on an app called Insight Timer. It's free. I can put that in the description to get you started with some good ones. I have a four minute morning one if you are on my email list, you probably already have that and go back to that. If you haven't done it, it is a great four minute quick way to connect to yourself every morning. And then there's longer ones and some real deep ones we can get into. But start small. And then the obligations, they just don't feel aligned anymore. On your hell yes, hell no. List. What are the obligations that still feel aligned? Put 'em in the hell yes. List the hell no. Maybe a growing out, a pickleball, honey. I don't know. I never tried it. I'm not a pickleball kind of gal. Tell me about it though. If you are, I'm excited for you. No, but there are things we just don't feel aligned more anymore and that's okay. That's okay. So don't feel this guilt over all of this stuff. It's okay to grow, to change, to not want to be dragged down. When you start growing guys, you're going to probably lose. You might lose a couple people. They're not growing with you. That happens. That happened to me, man.

(18:20)
I grew real quick. There was a couple years there, I just blew the hell into the sky. I was like, I call myself a unicorn. I felt like the biggest shift of my entire life. And I lost several people, several people, and it wasn't easy, but it was necessary. And I definitely feel so much better now. But this is part of your growth journey. If you really want to be happy, you want to grow, you truly want peace, it's going to get uncomfortable before it gets good. It's in parallel, but it is uncomfortable because you're not used to happy. You're not used to true happiness. You're not used to living in your truth, your way, your life, your alignment. You're probably used to living under other people's thumbs, right? Alright, so letting go. It doesn't have to be dramatic, even with a person. You don't have to have some big talk, which is always the way I go. I'm big and dramatic, okay? Say I'd be like, look, bitch, this ain't working out. But you don't have to do it that way. You can slowly shift slowly, not answer someone's calls. I'm not saying go someone that's awful. Don't drop kick someone unless they're abusive, in which case, drop, kick that motherfucker, block 'em, whatever you got to do.

(19:54)
But think of it as being intentional and sacred to protect your peace. It's protective. It doesn't have to be dramatic, it's just protective. It's simple. It might come off as cold at times, but look, there's a reason you're cutting someone out of your life, probably because they're not treating you right or they're just very negative, whatever it is, okay? Or letting go of patterns you have or thoughts you have that doesn't have to be dramatic either. You don't have to have some big seance about it. You start weaving in positive affirmations. You start praying if you're a God person, you start doing challenges with yourself. I did this in my little healing journey in the beginning. I remember saying, I'm going to try to go five hours without saying anything like negative. And also, if I have a negative thought, I'm going to try to turn it around.

(21:03)
And I'm not saying we're never going to have negative thoughts or feelings, but it's a great challenge to find out and be so aware of how often you have negative thoughts and are talking negatively. So challenge yourself not to and get into the habit of having more positivity in your brain and your words. Alright, now, here's a quick visualization we can do. So you have this list, you can work on it in real time, in real life, but also visualizations are powerful. So if you didn't have time to really get all the details out, you can do this later. But if you do have an idea, let's say you have this person in your mind that you're like, yeah, gosh, I wish I didn't spend so much time listening to them and just their energy suckers or whatever. Or maybe it's that narcissistic ex who you've decided you're just going to have contact when you need to around the kids.

(22:10)
And that's it. Okay? So you've decided I'm going to no longer have contact unless it's just about them on that third app and get that addendum set on your divorce decree, whatever you got to do to solidify it. Or maybe it's your mom and you still want her in your life, but maybe you just have a call with her once a week instead of every day or whatever it is. But imagine what is not serving you. What? What's the hell no to that? Hell yes or the hell yes that you want to have? What is the opposite there? So whatever's not serving you, imagine placing that into a suitcase. Pack it up.

(23:06)
This could be a person. It's weird. We're putting people in suitcases now. Okay, you're getting weird with Christie, but imagine whatever it is, whatever it represents, it doesn't have to be the person, right? Look, it's this darkness, it's this heaviness. Or maybe it's all those obligations. Maybe it's a bunch of balloons, it's a bunch of birthday parties you don't want to go to anymore. You don't have to go to all the damn birthday parties, pack 'em up in a small suitcase, in a big suitcase, whatever. Zip it up and then I want you to lift it up. Feel how heavy that is. That shit's heavy. That is heavy. But guess what? I'm a God person, so I'm going to visualize God. You visualize God if you're God person or you visualize your higher self, if that's what you want to do, the version of you you are becoming and can't wait to be.

(24:02)
She's got this. It's no problem because she's so healed that she is going to pick it up from you. And then she's just going to put it out there into the nethers, the others, the somewhere or give it to God. I'm a big proponent of giving it to God. So I am lifting this heavy burden of a suitcase and I'm saying, I can't do this anymore. I have something in my mind right now. I'll be honest. I have a situation in my life. It is in my family, not my immediate family, but it's in my family and it's weighed heavily on me. And I, I've been coping, but I feel like at times it's too heavy still. So guess what? We're all, are you with me? Hold my hand. Girl. I need you. I need you too. Alright, we are holding hands. We are packing our stuff.

(24:59)
We're saying, okay, I can't do this anymore. I don't want, I am choosing. Let's change the language. I am choosing not to do this. I'm deciding not to do this anymore. Alright, pick that heavy bag up, lift it up. I'm handing mine up to God. Who are you handing yours to? Maybe it's a guardian angel. Maybe it's someone who's passed on. Maybe it's one of your parents who's passed on. That was your world and they're always looking out for you. They are reaching down and saying, give me your baggage. Let me take this. And then they're going to go hand it to God. I'm sorry, I'm a guy. I told you I'm a God person. I can't stop. No, but whatever resonates for you, hand it over to that higher power, your higher self. Some other existential spiritual being outside of you or perhaps inside of you too. Say, I'm not in this alone. And here we say, I don't need to feel guilty for choosing this piece. I want you to repeat that after me. I don't need to feel guilty for choosing this piece.

(26:25)
So here's the actions you can take this week, right? Finish up your hell yes, hell no. List release one toxic person. And that doesn't mean you have to totally cold cut them out. You can. That's great if you, and they're a piece of crap, please by all means. But it could be backing away from someone a little bit. Maybe it's backing away from everyone a little bit. Maybe it's only answering your phone outside the hours of nine, two, seven. Maybe it's just, I actually do this, right? I generally talk to my mom in the morning and I say goodnight at night during the day. I don't really talk to people. I don't take calls. I used to don't take texts. I mean for emergencies, yes. And at lunchtime, that's my hour. Or I'll call my B fff while I'm eating taco or something. But I was so inundated with phone calls and advice seeking and dumping in my life.

(27:31)
I had to set huge boundaries. So release the one obligation or person or belief, just one. That's all you got to do to start. And then spend about 10 minutes after this if you can, or tonight, tomorrow morning, whenever you have a little slot, set a timer. Like set an alarm. I mean to carve this out, to carve this time out every day if you can. And you can because everyone has 10 minutes. Don't lie. You do in silence or prayer. You can meditate on it. You can pray on it to feel what's truly aligned. You could do that four minute meditation and sit for five minutes and see what comes up.

(28:21)
What is a line releasing one thing. And if you want you can add on. But that's where the accountability comes on. So if you're working with me, this is an example of some of the stuff we do. This really doesn't even touch the tip of the icebreaker here, but this gives you an example of it's something simple we can do. It's not going to take super amounts of time, but the accountability and the checking in is a beautiful thing. That's why you work with a coach essentially, to get my knowledge and all of that, which is great, but also the accountability. So you're allowed to choose peace. You are allowed to release and you are allowed to rise. So shall we end this with some affirmations and then I'm going to invite you also, I want you to share your hell now in my email, send me an email. Or if you're on Instagram, you can send it there. But my email is always in my description, fierce mama C at gmail. So hands over heart, eyes shut. If you are not driving or anywhere you need to have your eyes open, please don't shut them. If you need 'em open, take an inhale through the nose and exhale, inhale through the nose, exhale. And you're going to repeat after me. I'm going to do one at a time. You are allowed to choose peace. I am allowed to release. I am allowed to rise....cause I'm a queen!!!

How to Balance Your Nervous System After Narcissistic Abuse

Fri, 04 Apr 2025 10:18:59 -0400

Join my free private facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Grab your Survivor's Journey to Peace Call and Blueprint here:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

My Empowered Boundaries Course:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider EMAIL ME! fiercemamac@gmail.com ------------------------------------

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1: (00:00)
In today's episode, we are going to talk about how to calm down that nervous system immediately. What is the single best way to do this? Stay close to find out. Not, not too close though. It's it's flu season, y'all. It's flu season.

Speaker 2: (00:16)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:14)
All right, so welcome back. Let's dive into the single fastest way to calm that nervous system down. This is useful for anybody if you have not gone through abuse, that's fabulous. Very jealous. Love it. But also you can use this to help calm down in any stressful situation. Maybe you're just having a bad day at work. Maybe your hubby or your mama or your friend is driving you up a wall. Maybe the kiddos are getting a little needy and you just need a break. This is the single best way to calm that nervous system down. I'm gonna be very honest too. This was not my go-to way. I wanted to learn how to calm down. I am not a calm person in general. I'm very energetic. I love to dance and do hip hop. I like to sing some fast songs. I like to do everything fast, which is probably exactly why I need this calming tool.

Speaker 1: (02:14)
But you have to give things a chance. So before you click away, once you hear what this one thing is, I want you to have an open mind. Are you all ready? Are you opening your minds? Great, great, great, great. Okay. It is all about that breath, baby. I'm sure you have heard of breath work. If you were in the yoga world, the meditation world, if you're not welcome, there's a lot of talk about breathing and breath. And I'm not taking big enough deep breaths right now. And if I did, I'd be calmer. But I'm speedy Christy. So this is why I need to use this tool. I practice it often and it truly has changed my life along with other tools that I use. I love meditation. I love yoga. I'll be honest, I did not like any of those three things when I first started them, but I knew because so many people had said how amazing it was, how it changed their life.

Speaker 1: (03:10)
I was like, I'm gonna give it more of a chance. So breath work was the last of those three that I tried. And the irony is, it is the quickest one to work. It is that in the moment when you can't go meditate, when you can't go downward, dogger your butt all over work, you can breathe, you can take a few seconds or a few minutes to breathe. So we call this die of frag, pragmatic breathing. Okay? That's what we're gonna talk about. There's many different ways to breathe. Like he, he, he, no, I'm just kidding. There's, there's books, there's podcasts, all about breath. If you wanna dive deeper into this, but we're gonna be really simple here today on my show. Super simple. This technique, like I said, it is simple, it's quick. And it is highly effective in reducing stress and promoting relaxation, which we can all use more of, right?

Speaker 1: (04:06)
So number one, you need to find a quiet and comfortable place, okay? If you are at work or you're at work and like you just need a break at work, I'm trying to picture like a chaotic place. We are a lot. Hopefully you don't have like a super chaotic, stressful job, but I know some of you do, right? This is life, we're lifeing together. So I've gotta work with what some of you have. So let's say you do have somewhat of a stressful job. Maybe you're trying to get out of it, but in the meantime it doesn't help all the things you're gonna do later. You wanna know how can I at least get some immediate relief now so you can find a quiet place. You can always shove yourself into a little bathroom for a few minutes, right? We always are allowed to go pee pee and poopoo so they won't know what you're doing in there if you're just taking some nice breaths.

Speaker 1: (04:52)
So if you're at home though, and you can get away, you can lock yourself in the pantry away from the kids, go out to your car. Does anyone else do that? I love a good car session. Let me run to my car. I, or like when I'm coming back from somewhere and I'm like, I just want a little bit longer on my own, um, I will sit in the car for a few minutes and I love it. So anyway, yes, you can always email me and be like, yes sister, tell me your fun stories at fierce mama c@gmail.com. Anyway, I digress. So find a quiet, comfortable place if possible, right? If you are lucky enough to have a beautiful space in your home, it's all yours. You can lie down. I actually have that. I have a meditation lounge chair. It's magical. I think it was like 99 bucks on Amazon and it has like eight different inclines I think.

Speaker 1: (05:46)
And it's super cozy. And that's my favorite place to meditate or do my breath work. Number two, you gotta close your eyes. I was never good at close in my eyes. I like to see everything. I'm a paper. I'm nosy, I'm impatient. But you learn over time, you to close your eyes. You take a deep breath in through your nose, allowing your diaphragm to expand. And I'm actually working on this with my daughter 'cause she's starting to sing. She actually is the leader, the lead singer in a band. So we're working on diaphragm breathing because it's essential to singing. So I try to explain it like imagine there's like a tube going down your lungs and at the bottom it's got a big balloon. So you're in your case, if we're doing this type of breath work, you're going through your nose and you're feeling that expansion, that balloon stretching out as you inhale.

Speaker 1: (06:43)
And when you do this, you're gonna count to 4 1 2. Remember, it's like one Mississippi, not like 1, 2, 3, 4. Whoa, no, we're not gangster today. We're just Mississippi. And back in like we did in like sixth grade. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi. So that's your inhale. Then you're gonna hold it for another count of four. You know the drill. Let me hear you say you Mississippi, can I get a Mississippi in the back? Okay, then you're going to exhale slowly through your mouth for guess what? Another count of four. We're gonna make this super simple for you. I told you we are not gonna change the numbers. There are different ways you can do like, I, I don't even remember now 'cause I like to keep the same numbers or I get confused. I don't wanna think too much when I'm breathing. It's like too much, too much multitasking.

Speaker 1: (07:36)
So keep the number, the same four, hold for four, exhale for four, right? And when you exhale that four, you're ensuring that you fully empty your lungs. So make sure you're saying the Mississippi, again, we're not doing 1, 2, 3, 4 and then mm-hmm, we wanna make sure all that nasty, that negative breath is outta your body and you can suck in some new life. You're gonna repeat this deep breathing for a few minutes, focusing on your breath and nothing else. If you only have 40 seconds and you're just, you're in your cubicle and you're about to scratch someone's eyes out or whatever, first of all, maybe, maybe got some therapy if it's serious. But if you just need a little breath, take this breath, do the 4, 4, 4. And even just focusing on the numbers 4, 4, 4 is helping your brain to focus on something else. It's somewhat of a distraction to get out, pull you like out of your emotion to get what I call out of your head and into your body, right?

Speaker 1: (08:39)
So this breath work, it immediately puts you in your body. That's what I love about it. So again, this was the last thing I tried and when once I did it a few times and was like, really does work? They were not lying. Like I just hadn't been listening for how many decades probably. Um, I finally was like, man, this is like my go-to especially if I've just got a short amount of time where I wanna just decompress my brain, decompress my body, and have that immediate relief. So this breathing helps activate your body's relaxation response and that reduces that fight or flight which is associated with stress and anxiety, right? So whether you're at work, you're at home, you ran into a nasty neighbor, whatever your situation is, maybe it's dealing with that co-parent. We can we not even call 'em co-parents if they're narcissists, you're not really co-parenting, but if you have to share parenting with, of your child with a narcissist, you know that fight or flight, you know that anxiety that creeps up.

Speaker 1: (09:56)
And I know this is so important for my clients. We definitely, I we do breath work, we do meditation, we do tapping. Now we do reiki. So if you wanna work with me one-on-one, I offer all of those things. You can always email me to ask more details. And I also will always have like my regular coaching packages listed in the show notes of this podcast. So if you go to the main page of my podcast on whatever platform you scroll, not too far down, it should be pretty high up there. It'll say like, work with me or something and there will be links to the different options. I have different packages and obviously certain ones, you'll save more money if you do one call, you know it's a certain amount. If you get a whole month, you're gonna save a little money by signing up for multiple, um, because I want you to get major, major shifts quickly.

Speaker 1: (10:57)
And one session can be great, but let's be honest, a whole month is so much better and I have plenty of clients to account for that. I haveli clients that have been with me for years, there's been six months , three months or three months. It's, it's a weird word. ERs month. Yeah, month. There we go. Too many s's. Um, but it's such a journey and it's individualized. But please, if you feel like you need support in either dealing with a narcissist, maybe you don't have a narcissist in your life, but you feel like you need healing or you need guidance in any way, I do not strictly just work with narcissistic abuse victims. It is my specialty, but I run the gamut in who I help and who I help heal. So please reach out if you're on the fence or have questions. I'm here again, it's fierce mama c my email will be in the show notes.

Speaker 1: (11:56)
Um, but this is, I just wanted to throw out a quick tool that you could have in your little back pocket. That's what they say at all the meetings in corporate America. Do they stay still? Say that. Excuse me. I used to work in the television production field and I remember just cracking up every time I'd be in one of those, you know, corporate meetings. We had like three meetings a day, meetings about meetings and the, you know, they have these catchphrases and I'm like, he'd be like, alright Bill, well I'll keep that in my back pocket. I'd be like, okay Adriana, I'm going to keep that in my back pocket for next time. It was just a little catch phrase that made me giggle. So keep this in your back pocket, everybody, wherever you are. So you can take this out, 4, 4, 4, breathe in for hold for, breathe out for and repeat if you can. If you have the time, create the time. I love creating time. That's a thing. So hope you all had a fabulous last week and I hope this is a helpful tool and I will catch you in the next video. All alright, smooches and dueces.

Heal from Narcissistic Abuse Through This Guided Meditation

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 09:00:16 -0400

Ready to take control and reclaim your peace? Unlock your path to healing with my Journey to Peace call and personalized blueprint—your first step towards a life of empowerment and peace

"Journey to Peace" Coaching Call and Blueprint

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/https://calendly.com/butstillshethrives/intakecall

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Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

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TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hello and welcome to, but Still she thrives. Today we're gonna do something a little different and I'm gonna walk you through an actual guided meditation that I created for survivors of abuse. So, as you know, that's a big focus on my podcast. You know, I love meditation. If you've been following me, I'm a big advocate of meditating and yoga and all energy work. So I wanted to create something for you guys that you could go back to and just have on hand that's specifically for people who have gone through abuse. So stay close for today's magical episode that you can come back to time and time again when you're feeling stressed out and want to help heal energetically.

Speaker 1: (00:46)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with, and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kinda lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:43)
All right, Queens, welcome to this meditation, designed to help survivors of narcissistic abuse find inner peace and healing. So take a moment to find a comfortable and quiet space where you will not be disturbed. If you're driving, that's okay. You can just listen to this, but don't get distracted. Don't be a distracted driver, but you can subconsciously let some of this in and then go back to it later when you have time to actually really marinate in it. All right, so let's close our eyes and just shake out any of that energy, release it from your body. We're going to start with some just easy breathing, so just focus on your breath. Let's take a few inhales. Let's go in 1, 2, 3. Hold it at the top and exhale. Gonna do another two. And in 1, 2, 3, hold it at the top. And exhale.

Speaker 1: (02:53)
Last 1, 1, 2, 3. Hold it at the top and exhale. All right, so now we're going to begin by grounding yourself In the present moment, I want you to just feel the weight of your body on the chair or cushion, whatever you're relaxing on. And imagine roots growing from the base of your spine, extending deep into the earth, anchoring you in here. And now we want you to be really present. So I'll give you a few seconds to just imagine the branches coming from the base of your spine. That's the root chakra. And it could be wrapping around. If you have chair legs, you can imagine it going around them, down into the floorboards, into the earth's crust. And deeper and deeper into the earth, grounding you, keeping you nice and safe and stable in this comfortable position.

Speaker 1: (04:16)
All right. Now I want you to shift your focus to any physical sensations. So can feel the rise and fall of your chest, which with each breath, this picture it, imagine it, feel it rising and falling. You're just following your own body. Now, scan your body for any tension or discomfort at all. So you could start at your toes, your feet, your legs, your hips, your lower back, your upper back. Maybe your chest has some tightness. A lot of us hold anxiety there. Also, the throat chakra's, another one. It gets a lot of tightness, especially in US women.

Speaker 1: (05:24)
And that jaw, that neck and jaw line is, it's very common. So you may have some tension here. So I want you to first just notice it. Notice it maybe even in your head. Okay? And now I want you to focus on wherever the tension is. I want you to really focus in on it. And I want you to imagine that tension melting away. So as you breathe in, bring your focus to that area. And as you exhale, imagine releasing and melting that tension away from that area. I'll give you a little time to go through this. Wherever you have that tension in your body, just be with your body.

Speaker 1: (06:23)
Observe the tension, and use your mind's eye to release the tension. The power of the mind is incredible. Imagine melting away the tension, slowly melting it away with each exhale. Now pay attention to your breath. Inhale deeply through your nose, counting to 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, and exhale slowly through your mouth, counting to 6, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, which eat with each breath. Release that stress and anxiety that is often caused by narcissistic abuse. We're gonna do this breathing pattern one more time. Inhale deeply through the nose, counting to 4, 1, 2, 3, 4. Exhale slowly through your mouth, counting to 6, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, releasing that stress and anxiety. Now that we're present and in our breath, I want you to repeat this affirmation silently or out loud, whichever you prefer. Repeat after me. I am strong.

Speaker 1: (08:34)
I am worthy of love and respect. I am healing. I choose to release the pain of the past. And as always, you know, I always have to end our affirmations 'cause I'm a queen. Alright, now, I'd love you to imagine a bright, warm light surrounding you. Imagine this beautiful, yellowish orange, gold, bright light. It's your protective shield. It's creating a safe space where no harm can touch you. Visualize this light, healing any emotional wounds and filling you with love and strength. Really let yourself surrender and feel that protection. Let it all in. You deserve to feel safe.

Speaker 1: (09:56)
You are safe in this moment. Now, this part of the meditation is gonna be maybe hard for some. It was hard for me in the beginning of this journey, but you'll learn with practice to be able to do it. It might not be today, but just practice until you can feel it so gently. Bring to mind the person who has caused you this pain without excusing their behavior. Because there is no excuse. Try to find a place within you to forgive them. This doesn't mean you forget. It doesn't mean that you have to have a relationship or have lovey dovey warm feelings toward them. This is about forgiveness. Forgiveness is for your benefit, not theirs, right? Us carrying resentment and hatred only is harmful to us. So let's try to let go of that burden of anger, the resentment.

Speaker 1: (11:05)
Imagine holding it in your hands. Imagine holding that, that anger, the hatred, the resentment. Even if there's guilt wrapped up in there, maybe you need to forgive yourself as well. I want you to hold onto that ball of emotion in your hands. You can cut both hands together and hold it and imagine what that feels like. It's been hard. I know it's been really hard, and it's time to release this pain. So on the count of three, we're all going to set free these emotions to the best of our ability. 1, 2, 3. I want you to open your hands as if you're releasing a bird into the sky and let all those nasty feelings go. Imagine them flying out into the universe, getting sucked up far, far, far away from you. If you feel like there's some still lingering, I want you to rub your hands together. I'm doing it. You can hear it maybe through the microphone. Rub your hands together and then shake it away. Shake it away as if you're getting water off your hands after washing them. You don't have a towel, , shake it off. Release again that I know that could be hard for some people. I am here with you. We're in this together. Alright, now we're gonna do that more. Turning your attention to yourself.

Speaker 1: (12:46)
I want you to reflect on the strength and the resilience it took to survive the abuse. Recognize you are deserving of love and compassion and sweet words and feeling valuable. Place your hand on your heart. I'm doing it with you. And send yourself feelings of warmth, appreciation, and self love. Tell yourself I love you. I'm proud of you. I'm gonna say it again. I love you. I'm proud of you. And this wasn't in the plan, but I feel like we all need this right now. I want you to wrap your arms around yourself. Mm-Hmm. . That's right. It's self huggy. Time .

Speaker 1: (13:52)
And just hold yourself there. Say, I am safe. I am safe. I am loved. I am loved. I deserve peace. I deserve peace. Okay, now I want you to take a moment to release any negative emotions or memories tied to the abuse. Again, this might not be overnight, but this is a practice. Imagine them dissolving into the air, leaving you feeling at least a little bit lighter and freer. Maybe it's more, maybe you're able to really release a lot of it today. That would be amazing. Everybody's on their own timeline, their own journey. So don't judge on how much you're able to do today. Again, it's a practice. That's why we call it a practice release.

Speaker 1: (15:04)
Now, think about the people and things you are grateful for in your life. It's just, even if there's just one person right now you're really grateful for, or maybe it's a group of friends. Maybe it's a family member that stood up for you. Maybe it's a coworker that is there and supports you. Think about at least one person Now, focus on the positive aspects that bring you joy and happiness. It could be a beautiful day outside today. It could be the taste of pink sprinkled donuts. No bias here. Think about something that brings you joy someone and something that brings you joy.

Speaker 1: (16:02)
And let yourself feel that you deserve to feel that joy and you deserve to feel a lot of that joy. Now, gently bring your awareness back to the present moment. Wiggle your fingers and toes. And when you feel ready, you can open your eyes. Take a deep breath. Ah, maybe you want drop your shoulders and just kind of shake it out a little. And let yourself carry this moment, this sense of healing and empowerment with you throughout your day. Now remember this, meditation is a practice. It is a tool for your healing journey so you can return to it whenever you need to find peace and strength. You are not alone and you deserve love, respect, and happiness. And I want you to have all of those things. So if you need help on this journey, I am here. I do coaching, I do guided, customized meditations.

Speaker 1: (17:15)
Um, you can always look in my show notes to see ways to work with me. But if you have a specific thing you'd like to do, feel free to email me. My email is always also in the show notes. Um, but I want to help support as many women as I can on this journey. I know it's a hard one and anything I can do to help, I want to do. So please don't hesitate to reach out. And again, save this episode. And if you are loving my podcast in general, if you would do me a huge favor, it is such a help to me. If you leave a review on the Apple Podcast page, if you're listening on Apple, you just go to my main page of my podcast, scroll all the way down to where it says reviews, and you can hit the five stars if you think it's five stars. And leave a lovely little note about what you like about the podcast or how I've helped you in any way. I love, love getting feedback and it really helps my podcast grow. So thank you so much. I love you and I will see you in the next episode. Thanks for listening.

How to Stop Repeating Toxic Relationship Patterns After Narcissistic Abuse

Thu, 27 Mar 2025 05:19:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like you're stuck in the same toxic patterns — whether it’s in romantic relationships, family dynamics, or even friendships? Maybe you’ve walked away from a narcissistic parent, partner, or sibling... but somehow, the same energy keeps showing up in different people. You’re not crazy — and you’re definitely not alone.

In this episode, we’re diving into why these unhealthy patterns repeat and exactly how to break the cycle for good. You’ll learn how trauma bonds form, how to spot the red flags within yourself, and what it takes to choose peace over chaos.

Whether you’re dating again, setting new boundaries with family, or simply doing the inner work, this episode will help you trust yourself, heal deeply, and rewrite your story.

Join my free private facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

Grab your Survivor's Journey to Peace Call and Blueprint here:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

My Empowered Boundaries Course:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

https://christyjade.ck.page/insider EMAIL ME! fiercemamac@gmail.com

TRANSCRIPT

Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

(01:00)
Welcome to, but still Sheet Thrives. It's your host, Christie, Jade. Good morning, good afternoon, good night. Wherever you are with your shiny queen crown, you are looking hot. All right? So I am really excited about this. Okay, I think I say that on every episode. I get really excited about all of this. I'm very passionate if you don't know. But today's episode we are talking about breaking patterns. This means breaking patterns for yourself. This means breaking patterns for your children, which I know all you mamas, I know not all of your mamas, but I have lot of mom clients. This is one of their biggest fears is their kids have, I can't word today, but seeing them with these patterns, worrying that they will also repeat the patterns, right? The children looking up to their role models, their mom. So we're going to talk about that.

(01:56)
We're also going to talk about breaking that pattern within yourself. I know a lot of us worry when we are going through it or right after being out of a narcissistic relationship or just if we haven't really healed and it's a couple years later going, why am I still repeating these patterns? Why am I surrounding myself and not seeing red flags? So this is all important stuff, but we're going to try to knock it out here in this episode on a zoomed out approach. If you ever want more customized help, you're narcissistic recovery, coach Christie is here for you, and all the information on working with me as a coach will be in my show notes or a description, okay? So we're going to touch on why we repeat the patterns, the awareness being step one with anything. You got to be aware of what's going on and the new patterns you can create, right?

(02:51)
New pattern, new you that you 2.0 as I always call it, and then we'll wrap it up. So let's dive in. Get your little flippers on. We are going to dive in Pool of fun. First of all, let's talk trauma loops and familiar dysfunction, okay? What feels familiar often feels safe, even if it's not. So I want you to think back whether you had trauma in your childhood or you were in a romantic partnership for a long time and you were used to that. When you get familiar to being mistreated, maybe you don't know any different because you grew up like this in your childhood and that could have led you to later having romantic relationships that were not so hot. Even friendships that were not healthy. We have that toxic word thrown around all the time, but that's what it is. Or even accepting abuse in an office environment.

(03:51)
These things happen often because what feels familiar feels safe, even when it's harmful. Knowing that I want you to look at your life. What parts of your life were you not treated well? And you might have to go way back and it may have started again in childhood, may have started in a relationship in your teens, maybe your first little lovely romance in high school. There was some sort of dysfunction, some trauma, and it conditioned you to be almost tricked into feeling like this is comfortable, right? I won't say safe because it's not safe, but there can be comfort even if you don't feel safe because that is what you are used to, okay? So that's why we often repeat the patterns because either we don't know any better, we haven't lived with anything else or it feels the most comfortable, so we tolerate it.

(04:57)
So again, it could be from childhood, past relationships, even office relationships, even the mailman. No, that probably didn't happen. Alright, so there's that. And if you didn't have the modeling of healthy boundaries and love, if you had a parent that stepped all over your boundaries and spit on 'em and chewed 'em and spit 'em out again, all of that, you didn't know any other way. You didn't have that loving, healthy relationship where someone respected you and you could be tricked because if you had a narcissistic parent, let's say you would get love bombs. So on one hand you're like, oh my gosh, they made me feel so special at times and they would shower me with gifts at times. And then on the other side of that though, in turn, what did they do? They dismissed you, they manipulated you, they gaslit, you twisted everything around, right?

(05:56)
They abused you. They could have mentally, emotionally, physically abused you and then, oh, I'm so sorry, blah, blah, blah. Maybe they didn't say sorry, but they can when they want something or they want that cycle to continue. If you look up the abuse cycle, I have a whole episode on it. It explains a lot of that. So if you had a very toxic modeling growing up, that can also be why you repeat those patterns. You don't have the knowledge. You don't even know what it feels like to have a very healthy, balanced relationship. So it makes sense. You would repeat the pattern. So we're not going to go shaming ourselves or blaming ourselves. So then we get to the awareness, identifying the red flags in yourself. And this is where I feel bad, but you know me, I'm always going to give it to you straight.

(06:52)
I am always going to give it to you loud and clear. People pleasing and me and my husband have had this conversation where he feels like it shouldn't be a negative thing. People pleasing like it's supposed to be a positive thing. People pleasing to me is not positive. I know, I know. Hold it in. Don't yell at me just yet. Being kind to people, positive, loving people positive. Putting others above yourself at certain times for certain situations. Positive being a people pleaser, which really means you are just trying to please people all the time. That usually includes excluding yourself or putting people first before you or feeling so uncomfortable saying no to people that you go against your own grain. That is a negative. So that is a red flag in yourself. People pleasing is not at all. It's cut out to be okay. I know it might hurt.

(08:01)
Just shake it off. We still got more. So you got to be tough here on this show. Alright, ignoring your gut instincts. The feeling, it's when you were, let's say, dating that guy before you were married and you felt like, oh, he got pretty angry right there. That felt like that didn't feel right inside. But then he got me those beautiful flowers and he took me on that beautiful trip to Hawaii. Shit, I'll take him. Just kidding, just kidding. He took me to Hawaii and he told me how beautiful it was. He makes me feel so special. But what was your body feeling? What was your body going through? I myself dated this guy in my early twenties. I call us Eminem and what was his damn ex's name? Kim Eminem and Kim where? And he was not physically abusive. I'll add that in there.

(08:58)
But there was a lot of ups and downs and I remember that gut instinct. I mean it flared up all the time. I'd be like, God, he is so dismissive. And he would cancel plans on me like last minute all the time and just how he spoke to me. He called me names, not nice names, not ones I'd feel comfortable writing down on a piece of paper. One started with the C, okay, I'll give you that hint and that, but was then met with poetry, flowers on my car in the middle of the night. We didn't live together. He would come up 30 minutes for his, I'm so sorry. After he would treat me like dog dudes. And that happened continuously. Talk about the cycle of abuse. Oh my goodness. I went to a therapist during this time and she literally did a diagram on a big piece of paper and was like, Christie, this is you.

(09:57)
You are in this wake up. That was my gut instinct, knowing damn well she was right. I cried. I wouldn't cry if it wasn't right. I cried and I stayed because I ignored that gut instinct until I couldn't anymore. And thank God I got out asta baby. The other thing is overexplaining, when you have to overexplain, I'd be like, well this is overexplaining for people covering up for people. Oh, well he had to do this because this and this and this. And he did that because it did over explain, over excusing, let's call it. Okay, so when you are over excusing people, when you're ignoring the gut instincts and people pleasing, we're going to wave that red flag. I literally have my arm up in the air like a crazy person over here. No one can even see me waving the red flag. Okay, that's your red flag that you have control of.

(10:53)
That's the beautiful thing. Okay, so notice what you're drawn to next. Are you drawn to intensity? I was addicted. I think to that high there were the highs and the lows. What's that though? That's inconsistency. So you are used to whether you're drawn to it, you want to say, going back to what's familiar, that familiarity of the up and down and up and down, which I had from my childhood. There was somewhere in my childhood that I had an up and down relationship and guess what felt super familiar that did when I had my romantic relationship. It's like, oh well this is love. That's what I thought. Oh yeah. Oh well, it's just what happens in relationships. I didn't know any better. There's big highs and there's low lows. It's chaotic. So you are actually being drawn to chaos, intensity and inconsistency. So I'm here to tell you, in case you don't know yet and you haven't experienced it, there is consistency. Love. I'm going to say love, not there is love is consistency. Love is not intensity. Healthy love is not intense up and down. Okay? And it's understanding. And I bet if you were in a narcissistic or abusive situation, there was not understanding. Yeah. Now I want you to create your emotional red flag list. What does that mean? Emotional red flag list. Let's look at yourself. Are you a people pleaser?

(12:42)
Do you ignore your gut instincts? Do you make excuses for people? Do you speak reasons to yourself about how you may cause certain things? Because that is what an abusive person will manipulate you to believe. And you might still have some of that now. So evaluate yourself and if you need help again, want to work one-on-one to create this list, email me. We can have a call to help evaluate yourself so you can be aware of what exactly you are doing on your end that you can control. You might not think you can. I'm here to tell you, sister, I turned it all around. Here I am. I people pleased a lot in multiple relationships in my life and I am now ask anyone. I know it's a big nope for me. Now, I am not a people pleaser. I'm kind, I'm loving. I do what I need to do for the right people who deserve it. And then also strangers and I do give to charity and all that good stuff too, but I will not sacrifice my peace for somebody else. Okay, so this is going to get us to the new patterns, the new you 2.0 practical steps. Pause before choosing. I love this. And ask yourself, I want you to write this down in your notebook. Write on top of that emotional red flag list. Ask yourself this important question. Is this piece or just familiar chaos?

(14:31)
Is it familiar chaos? Is it familiar or is it peace because you deserve peace? It may be boring at first. Trust me, my husband boring. He's not boring. But at the beginning of our relationship, I felt like, what the hell? There's no issues, no problem. I mean there was one problem that I made a bigger problem because I needed chaos because that's what I was used to. But kibosh that thank God there was no real problems, there was no real issues. It was so peaceful. I didn't know what the hell to do with it. Now I'm so glad I chose peace. Okay, also rewiring your nervous system. I've got an episode on that meditation, somatic healing, slowing the F down, not thinking everything is so urgent. You might have some of that. I do. I still have a twinge of it. I'm not perfect. This queen is not.

(15:27)
I might be a queen, but I'm not God, I still have that. It's like an urgency we get if you've gone through abuse, you develop an urgency usually where you're kind of on edge. So that can make us have inside of our bodies more of a tension where we like to do, do we have to be doing right? You can go opposite too. But for those who can relate to that, you need to slow down. And if you're depressed and you're too slow laying on the bed, we need to get up and get our body moving. Body moving either way is great. It's the way you do it. You have to evaluate if you're going way too fast, you need to stick some yoga, some meditation in there. Do some breath work. And I do all of this stuff with my clients. I have somatic healings.

(16:19)
That's all we do. They're amazing. If you're interested, pop me a if email or I'll put my link there too. But you have to rewire your nervous system and you do it from the inside out with somatic healing. It's the inside and you are working from there instead of that head therapy work, which it has its place too. Now, if you are going into dating, if you are, I know a lot of my clients are divorced, starting to date, maybe you're not even thinking about it yet and you're just friending. You're just finding a new crew of friends. You've dropped some of them. They were controlling just like your ex. There's so many situations we could have here, but we have to do that from our healed self, not our old wounds. So you do want to be in parallel making sure you're doing the work, you're doing the meditation, you're doing the somatic work.

(17:14)
You're with a therapist, you're with a coach like yours, truly, right? Because if you're entering relationships with your old wounds, it's not going to work out. I'm just going to let you know that that's not saying you can't go on dates and whatever, but until you're really doing this work, you need to go very slowly in your relationships. Don't be a jumper. Okay? So for this, let's do a journal prompt. In that lovely book you can do, you have your emotional red flag list and your little quote is this piece or familiar chaos. And now you can add a journal prompt. What does safe feel like? Not just exciting, what does safe feel like in your body? What does safe feel like in your mind spiritually, anything in any way you want to write it. What does safe feel like? Truly buzzword for us. Okay? That is one of my affirmations I do with myself almost every day. I used to do 'em every day, multiple times a day when I was doing the heavy work. I feel like I'm on maintenance now, but I am safe. The first time I said that, guys, that affirmation, I cried a river. The Nile River actually came out of my freaking eyes, my tear ducts. It was crazy. I have really big tear ducks.

(18:57)
So look, you are not doomed to repeat these patterns. Every conscious choice is a little sparkle in your new foundation. Okay? So just start light. After you do your list, look at one emotional red flag, one pattern. You are ready to break today and you can email me. I'd love to hear, email me. What is one pattern? You're ready to break and I will send you back. I promise I will write back to every one of you. What's one pattern you're ready to break? And I will send an encouraging response back and maybe a little tip if you need it. You can ask me if you want a little tip. So these are not repeating the patterns. And maybe I'll do a separate episode. This is a little longer than I thought it would be about repeating patterns for our children. This alone, guys obviously helps because you are a role model.

(20:00)
So what you are living, oh, who said this was it? I might've been my B fff. I think she told me this quote. Yes, it was okay. She said she heard this somewhere. I don't know where, but I love it. Your children don't absorb what you say to them. They absorb who you are. Now say it again for the people in the back. All the way in the back. Your children don't absorb what you say to them. They absorb who you are. That means you got to live it. You can't say don't let anyone treat you poorly and then have your best friend be talking down to you and demanding you be here at this time. And they see that it makes no sense. They're watching mom be treated like dooo bags while you're telling them not to be treated like dooo bags. That's not how it works, sis.

(20:54)
Okay, so that's a big one. I love that quote. Write that down. You have a lot of writing today in a writing mood. So we can do another podcast more specific to that. I'll write a note to do that. But just doing this work yourself is such a huge step in breaking the cycle. They are absorbing everything. My daughter, I should do an episode on what my daughter has learned from me. She could tell you she's 10 years old and she's the healthiest human I've ever met in my life. So just saying all that to say that just modeling does way more than you think. But I will do a podcast more specific to what are things you can say or do specifically with your child to help them not break? No, we want them to break the patterns, to not continue the patterns that you maybe have been continuing.

(21:51)
The people pleaser, the tolerating certain things we should, not the believing things that crush our confidence, any of that. We don't want that for our kids. We always want our kids to have it better than we did. That's every parent's dream, isn't it? So you are not doomed. Don't worry, you got this. And of course, sign up. And for my Facebook, I have a private free Facebook group. Go get in there. And also if you want to have one-on-one coaching with me, we have fun. We have fun, and it is empowering and it will shift your life. I'm just going to throw it out there. I haven't had one client complaint about their shift when they have done ongoing work with me. So again, my link will always be there in the description. I hope you guys have a beautiful day. Let's take a big deep breath in and let's do a couple affirmations. That's how I roll. Inhale through the nose and release out the mouth.

(23:01)
Inhale through the nose, out through the mouth, and then repeat after me. Let's do this one together guys. If you're driving, don't say it out loud. I don't want you crying all over the road. I am safe. I'm going to say it again. I am safe. I am deserving. I am deserving because I am a queen. There you go, you got it. Alright, I will see you in the next episode. Love, love, love. And don't forget to email me to tell me what little red flag of emotion is on your list that you would like to shift most. And it's fierce Mama C at Gmail. I always put it in my show notes, but it's fierce mama. M-A-M-A-C at Gmail. Alright, see you in the next one. Bye.

The Best Ways to Meditate To Rebalance Your Nervous System

Tue, 25 Mar 2025 05:19:00 -0400

After abuse, our bodies still remember, even if we have done the mind work. Keep these meditations in your practice arsenal to heal from the inside! Want to take your healing to the next level?

Grab your Survivor's Journey to Peace Call and Blueprint here:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

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https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation

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Speaker 1: (00:00)
Welcome to, but still she thrives. This is Christie, and today we're gonna talk about 12 different kind of out of the box ways to meditate.

Speaker 2: (00:11)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. All right, so

Speaker 1: (01:07)
Meditation is a practice that can take many forms and there are some creative outside of the box. Like I said, approaches to meditation. I am a huge advocate of meditation. It has changed my life. And if you are a person who has gone through abuse or trauma, meditation is really an amazing way in addition to your healing journey. Um, so yes, definitely use some of these approaches. Try them out if you haven't already and email me. My email is always in the show notes. You can email me and let me know which one is your favorite. Number one, walking meditation. I love this 'cause it incorporates something I'm very big on, which is moving your body to move that energy. So instead of sitting, you can practice meditation while walking. So you focus on each step, your breath or sensations you know, that are in your body as you move.

Speaker 1: (02:04)
I also sometimes like to focus on different things like the trees or the blue skies. Um, there are times I like to do like listen to a podcast, but I kind of view them as separate ways. But I do incorporate both. But when you wanna really be present, just focusing on something you know, like your breath, like something visual is a really cool way to do walking meditation. This is really good for those of us who have a problem sitting still, which I did for a long time now. I've kind of conquered that and I can do sitting meditations. I can do them for a long time. But it took me a while to get there and this was kind of a good bridge for me to get present without having to sit there and like still kind of felt in my head. This kind of teaches you how to get out of it.

Speaker 1: (02:51)
So it's a good starting point. Number two, artistic meditation. So engaging in creative activities like painting, drawing, sculpting, those adult coloring books or little kids coloring books. I'm not gonna judge. So letting your artistic expression flow without judgment, right? Like don't go in trying to be a perfectionist about the art. Just letting your intuition guide you and seeing what comes up. Sometimes all color, do art and words come up too, like this just kind of flow outta me. Um, it can turn into like an art slash free writing session. So playing around with your artistic creative, um, vibes if you will. I know a lot of you are creatives out there and it's a really good way to be able to do it without making it like a typical project where you're trying to make it perfect or you have a main goal, you have an outcome you're trying to get to.

Speaker 1: (03:47)
It's just like free flow and I love it. I just sounded like a valley girl. I love it. Oh my god. All right, next laughter Yoga. I actually did not hear about this until I think it was 2018 when I moved back to Maryland where I am now. I went to a yoga studio. My friend brought me there and she was like, let's do laughter yoga. And I was like, what? It is a laughter yoga class. So they laugh heartily like without any reason. There's, it's, it's hard to explain. You just have to go ahead and do it, but it is such a release. I actually ended up crying tears and it, it didn't, it didn't feel like hysterical laughter tears, you know, you have that. It felt like a release of something sad, like I was releasing this kind of heavy feeling through doing that laughter exercise.

Speaker 1: (04:48)
It's again, it's hard to describe until you actually do it. So maybe check out a local studio or I'm sure there are laughter yoga sessions that you could look at on YouTube. I've never done one online, I've only done it in person. Um, but I imagine there might be a way to do it online, but I think if you can do it in person, like with other people, that in-person connection is definitely pretty cool. So while I did have that sad, heavy feeling, I felt it lift. So therefore I still was left with like an upbeat mood, you know, it was like a mood booster still. Speaking of mood boosters, do you all have my four minute morning mood boost meditation? It is epic. Go grab it. It's always in the show notes. I created it for one of my busy mom clients who wanted like a shorter, I think I had a 10 minute one at the time and she wanted even shorter one to start in the morning and the morning rush, but be able to do something.

Speaker 1: (05:46)
And I did. And it's been my most listened to. I actually sell it too on a site. It's been my most sold out meditation. But you get it free if you get it in the show notes. So go grab it. Number three, a sound bath meditation. Ah, these are so amazing. So you can do meditation through sound. You lie down, you can listen to singing bowls, gongs or other instruments that produce these really soothing vibrations. I have a couple of singing bowls that I do myself, right? But it's nice to have someone else do it for you in a yoga studio or if you have a friend and you're both into this woo woo stuff, um, one of you can do the sound bath for the other and then you could trade. Um, it's just awesome and some people really respond well to sounds. It's not my personal favorite.

Speaker 1: (06:37)
I think it's cool. I like it occasionally, but I'm really into visual meditation, so I prefer that. But it's, it's really fun if you're into more of the oral stuff. Oral a u r, not oral, right? Do I have that right? Audible . We're gonna move on number five, sensory meditation. So you can explore different sensory experiences such as tasting various foods. I remember my daughter, gosh, it was a few years ago, she was like in kindergarten and first grade even. We would do these, it was called cosmic kids yoga. And they had these little sessions that were just meditations that weren't the yoga but meditation parts and it was called zenden. That's it. I was trying to think of it. So zenden, this is great for kids by the way. If you have kids that are younger and you wanna introduce them into meditation and yoga, but in one of them, it was the first time I saw this, it was actually a meditation.

Speaker 1: (07:40)
And during it they were having you, like they had you go get a piece of food. I remember we had a cheese stick when we did it and they had you close your eyes and taste it. So it's like meditating through your senses. So you could do it through taste, touch, scent, sound, right? And experiencing the different, you could do whatever combination you want or just one of them. Um, experiencing that is going to make you more present. And the more you practice any of these methods, the more present you become, the calmer you become, the namaste you are. So, I don't know, it's a pretty cool one. I would definitely try, try the taste one out. It's pretty fun. And if you guys want any specific videos on these, just email me. I love when you email me and ask questions. So go ahead.

Speaker 1: (08:30)
It's in there, it's on the show notes. Fierce Mama C at Gmail. Um, and ask me for specific videos that I can recommend to you and I will. Alright, number six, the floating tank meditation. So try sensory deprivation tanks or float tanks where you float in a Voyant. Epsom salt. I always say Epsom, I wanna say Epson with an N 'cause I'm, I don't know if it's, it's my printer, my old printer speaking to me. Anyway, Epsom salt infused solution in complete darkness and silence. This for me. I don't know, I get kind of panicked. I can't really, I I'm not big on this one, but it does work for some people. Everybody's different. That's why we have to try all of these things out. Um, but the isolation can really lead you to profound meditative experiences. Um, I I being like in complete dark like that, I don't know.

Speaker 1: (09:27)
It's not that I'm afraid of the dark, no, I'm just kidding. I'm really not. But it's just not my preference. Number seven, guided visualization. This is one I freaking love. I just love guided, guided meditations with The visuals are very helpful for me. Again, everybody's different, so try 'em all out. So rather than the traditional like breath focused meditation, you engage in guided imagery or visualization sessions and there's usually a recorded guide or you can do 'em live. Like I've led live meditations in my yoga classes before. Um, I think I have a couple recorded ones out there floating around somewhere. But you can follow along with a recorded guide to create these really vivid mental landscapes. Often they can include, you know, nature landscapes like fields of lavender or beach landscapes or I used to do one I loved. Um, that was, you know, going into the forest and you know, it's like kind of this magical mystical land.

Speaker 1: (10:35)
Um, there's just so many out there there, there's a plethora of them that said, I said that really strange. But that's okay. We're all friends here. Um, a plethora of them on YouTube again. Um, I do have meditations that you can request from me. So let me know if you want a guided visualization one. I have one for abundance. Um, I have an anxiety one, so, so that is one of my favorites. Next one is lucid dream meditation. You can practice meditation techniques that lead to lucid dreaming where you become aware you are dreaming within a dream. This is a very unique way to explore your subconscious mind. I actually did this like by accident when I was a child, which was pretty cool. So I learned to kind of do it again, if you want more details on any of this, message me. 'cause we have 12 of these to get through.

Speaker 1: (11:33)
But you can always, you know, look at them yourself or message me with questions. Number nine, forest bathing. This has a name, another name which is Shinran Yoku. Um, and this you spend time in nature immersing yourself just in the sights, the sounds and smells of the forest. This is a Japanese tradition and it can be very, very rejuvenating. It's a deeper meditation. You spend some more time. This isn't like a four minute mood boost. This is very immersive. You are up in there, you are letting your soul fly all over that forest. Um, no, but you're really surrendering to it, you know, it's a, it's a whole experience. Um, so that's a really, really cool one. Number 10 is the chaka meditation. This is where you focus your gaze on a fixed object such as a candle flame or like the edge of a art piece, like on your wall.

Speaker 1: (12:40)
And just, you don't leave that spot, you just concentrate on that one spot and it can enhance concentration and just that inner stillness. And it's like a practice like any other meditation, right? So the first time you do it, it might be hard, you get, might distract, you might get distracted. But over time as you do this, it's just teaching yourself to be still be present. And it's a pretty easy way to meditate if you want to be still. And you, you don't wanna have all these, all this other noise I guess, right? Like, I like other things. I like the forest bathing, I like the visuals. But this is, if you're more of a simplistic person, this could be really up your alley. Number 11, mindful movement. So you can do activities. You may have heard of them, like tai chi, keong. I don't really know if I'm saying that one right?

Speaker 1: (13:35)
Or yoga, which if you don't know, I teach yoga. I love yoga. Yin yoga is my jam. Where you combine physical movement with meditation. That's why I love yin yoga. It is a very slow yoga. It's a deep yoga and there's a lot of meditative pieces to it. So I love it. And they encourage mindfulness through motion. Pretty self-explanatory. Number 12, do you ever get a smell, a waft of a perfume and you're like, oh, that smells like my grandma. Or that smells like me when I was 15 years old. No aromatherapy meditation. So using essential oils and scent to enhance your meditation experience is really cool. I love combining scents with my meditation. Um, I love Palo Santo. I love the scent of rose. Gives me all the feels. I just love it. So I have rose oils, I have like all rose actual perfume that I wear.

Speaker 1: (14:40)
Um, and inhaling certain scents can help you relax, right? Lavender, we know that eucalyptus is kind of like invigorating for me. I love that one. Peppermint. So it depends on what you're trying to accomplish by your meditation. Like if you're doing a morning mood boost, even if it's a longer one and you know, smelling like a citric, a citrus, I guess a citrus scent. Eucalyptus, peppermint, something that kind of awakens you, that's great for that. If you're trying to relax, you're trying to go to bed, you can do the whole lavender, chamomile, any more calming sense. But essential oils you can even get, you know, the little sticks with the oil in the canister. Um, 'cause we don't wanna burn any houses down. Okay? I seriously left a candle on once and I was traumatized and I did not burn a candle since . No, no to fire.

Speaker 1: (15:37)
Um, so I like those little sticks. Incense is pretty cool too. Um, I used to love, what is it called? Patchouli, patchouli. Any of y'all use patchouli anyway, so we could go down aromatherapy meditation, the that hole for, for a long time. But we have to end this 'cause you guys need to get to meditating. Okay? But remember this is a personal practice. This is individual. What works for you may not work for another. I remember when I started meditating thinking like, oh, there's a right way to meditate. I, I was even a perfectionist about meditating. It's stupid, right? . So experiment with these fun different types of ways, right? And adapt them to suit your preferences. The key is to find a style that resonates with you and helps you cultivate that mindfulness, that inner peace and what works for your schedule. What works for what you're trying to achieve.

Speaker 1: (16:35)
Like I said, are you trying to wake up in the morning, you're trying to go to bed? Just, you know, customize it your way 'cause it's your life and you are a queen. All right, I am thinking about doing a separate, um, whatcha imma call it? Why can't I speak affirmation? Affirmation, maybe not every week, but some weeks on Thursdays. Just stick an affirmation. So let me know what you think about that, either on social media. You can message me or email me. Tell me if you'd like separate ones. And if you have any recommendations on what kind of affirmations, shoot it on over and you know the drill. If you wanna work with me one-on-one, you wanna get some coaching done, we can do coaching, we can do energy work, all the things. Um, I will put the ways to work with me one-on-one in the show notes. So all you have to do is click over there, click itty, click take your pick. Mm That I should make an end song that says that. Click itty, click Take your pick. Work with me. I would love to work with you. That'd be great. Alright, see you on the horizon. Smooches and doses. She says . Alright, I think I'm tired. I'm gonna go to bed, y'all. You go meditate. Namaste.

5 Proven Strategies to Co-Parent with a Narcissist Without Drama : Part 2

Thu, 20 Mar 2025 10:20:00 -0400

Join my private facebook community to connect with other women just like you:

https://christyjade.kit.com/insider

My 4 Minute Morning Meditation (mentioned in episode)

Grab your Survivor's Journey to Peace Call and Blueprint here:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

My Empowered Boundaries Course:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

All of my meditations on Insight Timer:

https://insig.ht/2Ym63Vh2vRb?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=live_stream_share

GREY ROCK METHOD episode

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776

SETTING BOUNDARIES episodes

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-boundaries-as-a-people-pleaser/id1662241353?i=1000679893439

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-without-guilt/id1662241353?i=1000697670273

BENEFITS OF GOING NO CONTACT episode:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-still-she-thrives-narcissistic-abuse-toxic-relationships/id1662241353?i=1000611416531

TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:03):

(01:00)
Hello. Welcome back to, but Still She Thrives with Kristi Jade. I am excited to dive back into one of our favorite topics here, co-parenting with a narcissist, right? But we, last week we're talking about five proven strategies to co-parent with a narcissist, which is difficult without drama. Can it be done? Stay tuned. So we talked about two of the strategies. The first one was mastering the art of detached communication. The second was boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. And we're going to dive into the third through the fifth today. Three, create a bulletproof parenting plan. So something with narcs, narcissists, I call 'em narcs for short. Get used to that one. Okay? Not the narcs that narc on you, but they can be very good at twisting things and lying, manipulating. So it's really good to have everything in writing and everything very specific. So you want to over communicate in writing.

(02:07)
You want to keep it simple and concise, but really that's the main means of communication you want to do and spell out the specifics so they cannot fuddle with you later. Is fuddle a word that means that I don't even know, I'm going to go back to high school. So like holidays, medical decisions, who's buying? What if you're like, oh, my kid's in soccer and needs cleats? Who is responsible for that? When you're setting those things up, especially, or you're adding something to a divorce decree, whatever, you really want to make sure that you are clear and specific when you are communicating. Like I said in the earlier or previous version of this episode with numbers one and two, you do want to be very to the point and non-emotional, but when you are trying to figure plans out, especially if it's something for a larger plan, then you want to make sure you have the specifics in there so they can't mess it up.

(03:10)
Muddle it up. Was that what I was looking for? Maybe? Alright, so this can include conflict resolution steps. Okay, so these are clear steps in case there are disagreements. What do you do with conflict resolution? Get a plan together, right? And then stick to the plan. These narcissists thrive on chaos. I want you to hear that again. You probably know it, but let's hear it again. Narcissists thrive on chaos structure shuts it down. When you keep things clear and simple, you guys, it is almost like their worst nightmare, but they can't wiggle around and cause the chaos they normally can, right? So an example of this would be I'll follow what's in our parenting plan. Let me know if you'd like to discuss it during mediation, right? So you can point back to whatever's in your parenting plan. And the queen tip here, do not budge without a legal paper trail, even if they sweet talk you, because they probably will.

(04:19)
They try that usually and then they get nasty and mean if they don't get their way. So try to get it on the legal side. You want a legal paper trail? Anything in writing that has your signature on it is gold. Gold, baby gold, like your crown. Alright, number four, this is a big one and I know it's important to you guys because you guys are amazing parents, okay? Who's an amazing parent? Raise your hand. You might not feel like it. Raise your hand anyway, okay? You are here. A lot of you are here because we're talking about co-parenting because you care about your children. I know a lot of you want to stop the cycle. You don't want them to repeat your mistakes. You don't want them to see you make wrong moves. You are worrying because you are a great parent no matter what you have tolerated or been through.

(05:10)
We're starting fresh today, okay? So shake that guilt off and let's dive into protecting your kids from emotional tug of war. How do you do this? First, you be the safe space. You create the calm loving home that you maybe didn't get yourself. If you're in this situation, a lot of times there are repeated patterns, so you may have not had that. How would you like to be a child in a home? Right? Think about that. What would make you feel loved and calm and safe? Where can your kids decompress? Even set up maybe a little safe station for them, even if it's in a corner of their room. My daughter has, right? There's a bean bag and a fuzzy, I love tactile things, so I love fuzzy blankets and she has this fuzzy, I can't think of the word rug. It's called a rug.

(06:09)
I'm having word issues tonight. She has this fuzzy rug there. Pillows, make it comfy and safe. She has books she can bring over there, like have a safe space for your child, but then you're also going to be the safe space. So you're going to not dismiss their feelings, you're going to hear them out. You're going to be tired because this is a tiring period of your life, but you only go through this period once and you've got to show up for your kids and you have to do the best you can to show up for them in a calm and safe and stable. I want to repeat the word stable to you. Again, a stable place for them to have to call home. You want to be the stability, you want to be the discipline, right? Because that's stability. Even if, I mean, I've got a tween now, she's about to be 11.

(07:07)
Does she love discipline? No. Do I know she needs it? Yeah, we have a lot of fun. I am one of the most fun moms you'll ever have or ever have. You want me to be your mama? No. That you'll ever know, but I'm also a disciplinarian and you're going to respect me and you're going to play by the rules and you're going to do your homework. You're going to clean up your masses, but you're also going to have a lot of fun if you play by all the rules, right? So you got to find the balance. But be that safe space. Don't bad mouth the narc. Oh, I know this is hard. I know it's tempting. This is really hard. You've probably already failed at it, but that's okay. We're going to start fresh today. Remember, focus on empowering your child. Instead, focus on empowering your kid.

(07:54)
That's the focus when you start to think about bad marking them, think about what effect that can have on your child and what's more important. It's more important that your child feels safe and loved and not chaotic. You are adding chaos to them by badmouthing the narc. Okay? Don't do it. Three, teach emotional intelligence. I love doing this with my daughter. Oh, it's so good helping them name their feelings from an early age. I know it sounds like all woo woo and whatever. It's this generation. Well, guess what? We need it. Name their feelings and trusting their instincts. My daughter started doing yoga and she was two years old. I started teaching yoga later. She started doing it more when I started teaching it. But at two years old, when I was practicing myself, she would do yoga with me. And even yoga, meditation. That helps them get in touch with their mind, body, soul, right?

(08:55)
That's not a fake thing. Yoga is a trend for a long time for a reason. It helps them be more connected to themselves. You can teach that, right? So help them name their feelings. You can say, I know that was confusing. How did that confusion make you feel? Or dig deeper? What else was going on? What did you feel in your body? Recognize that If someone's making you feel bad, where does that feel bad in your body? And remember that feeling because when you feel that, take a breath and evaluate and move on. That's a way deeper topic, but you get my gist, hopefully. So queen tip, remind your child, no matter what happens, I will always believe in you and love you again. Some of us probably didn't get that, did we? As kids? I know there's probably 90% of you listening, maybe more that did not get told.

(10:02)
I will always believe you. Believe in you, love you no matter what, and you need to trust yourself, right? A lot of us can have issues not trusting ourselves, especially after narcissistic abuse obviously. Alright, so we're here at the last one. Are you ready? Are you cozy? Prioritize your own sanity and healing. Of course, we got to take care of the kids. They're our number one. But in the airplane, if you don't breathe that oxygen, you can't help. And one of my favorite quotes, if you or you can't, I don't even know my own favorite quote, you can't pour from an empty cuff. You can't do it. So you have to be filled. So how do you do that? One? Build your support squad, right? You want to lean on your friends, a therapist, Christie, Jade, that's me, who understands narcissistic abuse. So I can be your support squad, please email me and we can talk about ways to work together or there's links in the description that can take you directly to specific places.

(11:16)
How to work with me. I do somatic healing and I do narcissistic abuse coaching. Or we can do a combination. Whatever you need. I got you. So email me if you want to customize your own thing or check out the links, but hopefully you have a couple friends you can lean on that understand what you're going through. A lot of people do not understand narcissistic abuse and that's why people feel isolated. We've been told that we're crazy or we're sensitive or we're this and that, right? And sometimes when I remember back in the old days, I used to feel like I wouldn't be believed, so I just didn't even want to talk about it to most people. Number two, embrace your power. Focus on what you can control. This is huge. This should be in bold in your brain, okay? Focus on what you can control.

(12:13)
That's your mindset. You wake up every day. You do meditations, you do affirmations. You look in that mirror and say, I believe in you, right? Your reactions. Are you taking the bait of the narcissist with, are you getting emotional? Are you not making sure everything is in writing? There's reactions too as far as if they are emotionally torturing you on the phone and you're getting manipulated and drug back into their chaos. Create a new system that works where you're not, go to that email, do email only. Talk to your lawyers. Get it drawn up in the papers. That's how you're going to do it, right? And your power, something you can control is your peace. You do have a choice. There's a lot of choices we make. We want to put out there and blame everything else. And I know you've been through a lot, but there's a lot you can control. And sometimes yes, you need that support, whether it's your friends therapist, me, a support group, whatever. Then we have the third way to prioritize your sanity and healing practice. Radical, radical. Not like radical dude, but immense amounts of self-care. That's meditation, that's journaling that not all of this. You could do whatever suits you. Prayer, I'm a God woman. I pray a lot. It helps me so much. What keeps you centered? Maybe it's running, maybe it's dancing your ass off to nineties hip hop. That really fills my gut.

(13:57)
So you can repeat an affirmation like this. I choose peace today. Their chaos is not my responsibility. And the queen tip for this, think of your mental space like a VIP club. Only calm, healthy energy gets past the security picture, that beautiful golden bubble, the peace bubble we talk about. And imagine inside of that what that would feel like. Really if you had calm, healthy energy, that's all that was in there. So whenever that crazy ass chaotic narcissist is outside of that bubble staring at you with their big old googly eyes just foaming at the mouth to ruin you and your day, say, hell no. And you create the barriers. And if you need help doing that, write me. Okay? So let's end on a big deep breath in and an exhale. And I think we'll go back to that quote we just did as our affirmation. I choose peace today. Repeat after me. I choose peace today.

(15:18)
Their chaos is not my responsibility. I'm a queen. Yes you are. Go shine your crown, run a bubble bath so you can get that radical dude and protect yourself and protect your kids. Save both of these episodes because you're going to need reminders. That's just a thing. That's okay. Don't beat yourself up. Don't have guilt. You're starting over today and you can start again tomorrow if you have to. Right? Trust yourself. Start trusting yourself. You get in touch with yourself. We talk about getting your kids in touch with themselves. You too, right? I've been going to yoga classes a lot more. I've been doing more meditations and I feel the difference even at this stage in my game. We can fall out of those practices. And I will say when you start at the foundation of such such just solid ground with the meditate and with the yoga being in touch and connected to yourself, things go so much better.

(16:35)
There's a difference. So if you don't meditate, go try my four minute super quick morning meditation. It's always in the show notes and you probably have it if you signed up for my emails or on my Facebook group. You should already have it in your email. If you need it, you can't find it, email me and ask it is the best morning meditation super easy, it's guided. It's me talking to you for four minutes through a fun little meditation. It's easy. It's a great way to start. And then you can build out and do more and more as you get more comfortable. Okay? Have a beautiful, beautiful day, night, wherever you are listening from. And if you want to, I love to know where people are listening from. So email me, my email is always in the description. And tell me where you are listening from. Are you in the us? Are you abroad, overseas somewhere? Where is it? I love to know where my people are. All right, have a good one, smooches Deuces, and I'll see you in the next episode.

When Does a Narcissist Give Up? The Real Answer

Tue, 18 Mar 2025 10:17:00 -0400

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TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Welcome to, but still she thrives. Today we are going to talk about when will the narcissist give up? Dun dun dun. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2: (00:14)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist and you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:11)
Alright, so I wanna preface this with the fact that depending on the narcissist, some of them will quote, never quite give up, but they may take some small breaks, some large breaks, and if you really are good at staying no contact, they may finally give up. So that brings us to number one, the case where a narcissist may give up and go away, at least for a while, is when they feel they have lost power, right? They're all about power. That is all they care about. They control the power. If they don't have it, they try to get it back. That's where they tug on your heartstrings and do their manipulation, whatever they can do to get you back under their power. So usually this occurs after you implement that no contact rule. That is always my first advice with a narcissist, unless there is some legal reason that you need to be in contact with them.

Speaker 1: (02:12)
My personal opinion of narcissists is there is no good reason to stay in touch with them if you have the option not to. So that's why the no contact rule is the best rule and it has the most success rate for keeping the narcissists away. So it effectively serves as a defense against most of their manipulations, right? They can't do the gaslighting, they can't twist your words when you're not having contact. They can't do anything in response to what you are doing. There's literally no contact. There's no way for them to have the power over you. Does that mean they w won't go ahead and talk crap about you to other people? You know? Yes, they may do that, especially in the, the beginning when you first start having no contact. That could be a way they may try to go through other people to get to you, to get you to contact them.

Speaker 1: (03:07)
But once you are strong in that no contact, if you can hold that method, , I'll call it, if you can keep it up, then that is when the beauty happens and they start to lose the interest, right? They lose that interest because it's no longer as easy as it was for them before and they have to start making more effort, bigger effort. And honestly, a lot of narcissists are, can be like lazy. They can be lazy about their control. So they want it, they target people who maybe have big hearts are empathetic. So it's easier to manipulate and tug on the heartstrings of those people to get the control. But when you make it too hard and you have no contact or you do the gray rock method, which I will link my episode to the Gray Rock method in the show notes. But when you do that, they don't have the ability to feel that control that they thrive off of.

Speaker 1: (04:08)
So they are more likely to, you know, cut the cord or just kind of forget about you and hopefully move on to the next victim, not hopefully for that victim, sorry, next victim. But for me, I can't control that. So I was just glad to be rid of my narcissist and they can, you know, go on with their lives, seek somebody else, mess with someone else's head. But I was just glad it was not mine. Another case where they may give up and go away is when the victim discovers what they're doing. And once you understand a narcissist and you start to see it, it be, it can become almost like a science, you know, it can become a lot more predictable than you ever thought. So when the narcissist is exposed, they'll of course deny it. But when their manipulations, when their tactics don't work anymore, they may, if they are, if they are fearful that you will expose them to other people to, you know, other relationships they have families, friends, work situations.

Speaker 1: (05:23)
If they see that you are calling them out, I'm not suggesting calling them out, that's another episode. But um, if their stuff isn't working and they obviously there's been a shift basically in your relationship, then they can no longer use again that manipulation since the mask has been unveiled and they struggle to get that control back. Right? So I will touch lightly on it though because I think it is important I do my go-to is not to be like you are a narcissist, da da da, right? My go-to is keep very short and direct, non-emotional, um, in your conflict. Hopefully the last conflict you have with a narcissist before you do the no contact method. Then we have the gray rock method that goes a little deeper. I'm not gonna discuss all that here. Like I said, there's a whole episode on it so you don't need to hear me squabble about it twice, but I will link that in the show notes.

Speaker 1: (06:31)
But the gray rock method is a way, if you have to, let's say parent a child with your ex who's a narcissist, that is a really good way to be able to navigate. And I don't suggest saying you're a narcissist and this and that. If you have to be in their life, you don't want to them off because yes, it may work in a way for them to back off or try to stay as far as they can from you so you don't expose them. But if you have to legally talk and all of that, it could backfire. Okay? So when they have no more supply, if you haven't heard the term narcissistic supply, it's a thing, their supply, I think of it as just this spider that is gathering all of its food in this big nasty narcissistic web, right? So that could be from you and then if you start to have no contact or even gray method, they may start to gather information or keep tabs on you or smear your name to other people, right?

Speaker 1: (07:38)
So the thing is, if that doesn't work, which hopefully if you have good friends that you know, don't take the bait of the narcissist, hopefully that would cause them to give up, right? So depending on who those relationships are or how many, everybody's situation is different, but if you have good friends and you can even warn them and say, Hey, my ex may reach out to you or whatever, don't take the bait, don't take the call. Um, the more you can block them from having contact with anybody that is in connection to you, the better. So block them on social media, block them on email, have your friends and family block them everywhere you can because that also will make it a little more likely that they will give up again if something is way too much effort, depending on the narcissist, 'cause it re truly, there's such a range of them, they can go to further lengths, but in general a lot of them can be lazy with their efforts, right?

Speaker 1: (08:44)
Because usually they can manipulate and flip around and gaslight like it's nothing. It's literally just who they are, how they are. They don't have to sit and really think about, oh, how could I get her to do this? It just is, it's a sickness. I wanna, to me it is a sickness in their head that automatically is always ready to just control and gain power at anyone else's expense, right? So they're constantly just like firing away on how to manipulate, how to get their way. So it's so natural that it's not that much effort. So when they actually have to make a big effort, it'll either them off or eventually they'll get tired of it. That being said, I want to say this and on a lot of episodes I mention this, if there is someone who is violent or you feel like they may be violent, I'm not saying, oh they'll go away, you'll be fine.

Speaker 1: (09:51)
When there is someone violent involved, which I know many narcissists can be emotionally or physically abusive, if they are, I suggest you call the hotline number for domestic abuse. That is always in my podcast show notes to get advice. If you are fearful or fear, feel like you are in danger in any way. I do have many clients that it is not a dangerous physical situation and they don't feel totally endangered, they just more wanna know how to navigate the manipulation. So that's where most of this is going. If it goes beyond the scope of that, of course you want to be careful. There is no guarantee a narcissist is going to stay away forever or go away and that, you know, things will be all good engraving and they're just gonna forget about you. This episode is about how to keep them at as much of a distance as you possibly can, but everyone is different.

Speaker 1: (10:52)
There is no guarantees. These are tactics that we can use and try out with whatever narcissist is in your life and you know, use it as kind of a test. And a lot of times the no contact method does work, at least for a while, sometimes forever. A lot of people have a lot of luck with it. And again, the gray rock method you can refer to in my podcast notes, that episode, um, that's a great way if you have to legally be bound to this person, usually that is due to, you know, child custody situations. Um, it's a really good way to navigate the conversations and just having a relationship of some sort unfortunately, that you have to keep with the narcissist. If you need help going through this journey and you are on the other side of being with a narcissist. I work with people who are starting to heal from their journey.

Speaker 1: (11:55)
They have disconnected from the narcissist or maybe it's somebody who is a relative. You know that you don't see that often, but when you do, you wanna know how to handle the relationship or maybe it is a parent and you are having a tough time navigating how to deal with that because they're your parent, but you also can't stand how they treat you. There's so many situations I deal with as a coach. Um, so if you want to see if you are a match for my coaching, you can look at the three current ways to work with me through my one-on-one coaching, and I also have a boundaries course. I will link as well all in the show notes and I look forward to talking with you. But before we say goodbye, let's do some queen affirmations. Alright? If you're driving, do not put your hand on your heart, but if you are not driving and you're in a place, you can go ahead, put your hand on your heart, put both your hands on your heart. I don't care. Put your feet on your heart. Let's really get into this. All right? We're gonna do a little affirmation. Take a big breath. Ah, just let the stress melt off of you. Breathe in your nose and out your mouth.

Speaker 1: (13:08)
I am worthy of peace. Repeat after me. I am worthy of peace. Nobody can take my power away. I deserve to be loved because I'm a queen . All right, you guys, I will see you in the next episode. Have a great week, and don't forget to check my show notes and I'll chat with you later.

How to Outsmart a Narcissist

Mon, 17 Mar 2025 19:50:35 -0400

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TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hello Queens. Welcome to another episode of, but Still She Thrives. Today we are diving into a topic that many of us have encountered at some point in our lives dealing with narcissists. They're all around us. So whether it's a coworker, family member, friend, or even a romantic partner or ex romantic partner, narcissists can be challenging to navigate. But fear not. Christie Jaya is here, . Today we're gonna discuss some strategies on how to outsmart those nasty little narcissists.

Speaker 2: (00:34)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist and you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal Now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:31)
So first, really briefly, if you are new here, we are gonna touch on what narcissism actually is. It's a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, right? But spoiler alert, narcissists deep, deep down are very wounded, very insecure and powerless. And this is why they have to have this big mask. It's all a big nasty mask. Mask, but it's still there. So we still have to deal with it. It doesn't change the fact that they treat people poorly and have no empathy. They also have such fragile egos and can be so manipulative that it makes interactions with them. Super challenging. And if you have a narcissist in your life, you know what I'm talking about, probably why you clicked on this. So the first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to recognize their behavior patterns. This could include grandiosity, la, lack of empathy, manipulation, and this constant need for attention and admiration, which ain't cute.

Speaker 1: (02:36)
So, you know, my first advice with a narcissist is Ron. But if you can't continue on and listen, once you've identified a narcissist in your life, whatever relationship that is, the next step is setting healthy boundaries, right? They often push boundaries. They don't give a about your boundaries. They can be quite demanding. So to outsmart them, you need to establish very clear limits on what you're willing to tolerate and communicate them assertively. So you've gotta, this is part of the work I do with my clients, is building that confidence. Because without the confidence, sometimes it isn't believable that you have a boundary or you won't hold the boundary due to fear or guilt or whatever, right? So they may resist these boundaries completely. So standing firm is essential to your wellbeing. They, again, they're gonna try to guilt trip you or play the victim, but stay resolute in your boundaries.

Speaker 1: (03:35)
Queen, I know you can speaking, which if you don't know I have a boundaries course, all my information is always in my podcast show notes. Go click around in there, see what I have to offer. I have all my coaching offers and my boundaries course, which is epic. You'll love it. Grab it. There's a special bonus going on when you purchase it right now. So now is the time. So we know narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. So to outsmart them, avoid feeding their ego. Do not engage in the excessive flattery. A lot of us at one point or another may think, oh, I'll just try to make them feel better and they'll be nicer to me. Right? No, do not do that. Don't give the constant validation. Instead, focus on rational communication. Like very short and sweet communication. And they say to give constructive feedback when necessary.

Speaker 1: (04:32)
I, I have a hard time with this. Um, I feel like any feedback, constructive or not, this is not a rational human. So the odds are against you that they're actually going to take it into consideration unless they're like absolutely desperate. But, so that is kind of up to you. I'm always very against giving any constructive feedback to the narcissist that I have had in my life. So that's kind of a personal preference. You can try it out, but I would not have high expectations. But by not giving into their constant need for attention, you can take away some of their power and control. Another crucial strategy is maintaining emotional detachment. Oh, this is such a huge one. Narcissists can be emotionally manipulative, right? We know that. So it's essential to protect, protect, that's a new word, PR protect. That's very passionate way of saying protect , protect your own emotions.

Speaker 1: (05:30)
Do not take their insults or criticisms of you personally. This is so hard for a lot of us, especially a lot of us are empaths that get sucked into their web, right? A lot of us have big hearts and big feelings and we're sensitive, right? It's, it's tough. But this is why I do what I do with people because this is part of the journey I love helping with, is to get you to that point. Not only do you gain your confidence, but you also learn to unt attach detach, I don't know, are they both words? Um, emotionally so that you can actually navigate successfully. Like whether that's a relationship or you know, you're co-parenting or whatever. So do not take their. Just don't take it. Don't absorb it. Don't take the bait. By staying emotionally grounded and not reacting to their, you can regain control of the situation, which is what we're trying to achieve by outsmarting them, right?

Speaker 1: (06:30)
I wanna drum roll for this one. Oo, that did not sound like a drum roll. All right? When dealing with a narcissist, it is essential to document every, everything. I cannot reiterate this enough. Keep records of your interactions, messages, any incidents that might be relative. Um, I would like to also say if you can avoid phone calls with them and do text or email, that is so much better because you have all the proof in the pudding and you know, have it documented. You don't know, especially with narcissists, when stuff can turn and get bad, go legal, maybe you want it to go legal, then it's extra important. You have all of these, like this tracking right of the words they say. A lot of times they can't help themselves. So they can be really stupid when it comes to saying that will bite them in the later.

Speaker 1: (07:27)
It's like, I don't know. The only icing on the cake with a narcissist is they get real stupid 'cause they're so reactionary. So whether it's a workplace situation that turns into a harassment suit or legal disputes divorce, I've seen a lot of divorce situations where thank goodness that these women or men had everything documented and it really was helpful in their favor with custody and all that. Side note, I think I've mentioned this before, but you can, I, I don't do all this legal stuff, don't quote me on this, but I believe you can get some sort of addendum on a divorce decree. Not sure if that's the exact wording, but I think so where you can make it so that a third party sees your communication between each other. This really has helped some of my clients when they're dealing with co-parenting. This has been awesome.

Speaker 1: (08:23)
They have this app. There's specific apps for co-parenting for this reason or not co-parenting. I say that I always say co-parenting, but having to parent with someone else, co-parenting is really not a good way to describe parenting with a narcissist if you are not together because they don't really co anything after that. Um, do they even co anything at all? So, but if you are parenting with an ex and they are a narcissist, this is really helpful. There are apps, I don't know the names, but talk to your attorney, um, or anyone in the legal field and ask what your options are for having any communication like legally has to be through a third party app sort of thing where I believe the attorney can have the visibility on there as well. And another thing you can also have set, set up is so that they can only contact you about things pertaining to the children.

Speaker 1: (09:24)
So you're not gonna get all this crappy hate mail for the rest of your life. So yes, I will say narcissists can be some pretty intelligent people. I know a couple of them that are highly intelligent, but one of their weaknesses is they can be very reactive and that can be in our favor as far as them being kind of sloppy with their evidence, right? Stuff that they say. And if you have it documented, it can be pure gold and very helpful if it goes to a legal situation or other ways too. So make sure to document everything. And also maybe this isn't outsmarting a narcissist, but making sure people know like you, I'm not saying go blab your business to everybody, but make sure somebody close to you knows your situation and can help you out. You can lean on them, you can support them.

Speaker 1: (10:25)
I actually, this is only with someone you really, really trust. I've actually sent stuff that I had documented, I have emailed it to my best friend who I trust greatly so that that evidence is backed up somewhere else as well. Because you never know, narcissists can get cuckoo, especially like if you're still living with one or you think they could have your password, anything like that where they could go and delete everything. So I say if you have a trusted person to lean on, just in general getting support from them, but also thinking about using them as an extra backup. If you truly, truly trust 'em, like a best friend, family member, nobody who you think could get convinced by a narcissist that you're a show person. Because guess what narcissists will do. The smear campaign will, they will start telling all these people all this about you make you look bad.

Speaker 1: (11:26)
So it has to be someone you know is a thousand percent on your side. So these are some of the ways there's others. And if you wanna go deeper into it, go check out the ways to work with me and sign up for a call or a month or three months or the rest of your life so we can deal with this together. I am here for you. I have a lot of golden nuggets and dealt with all of this myself and I'm in a really great place now. So I love helping you and that's why I do what I do. If you are not subscribed to my podcast, go ahead and hit subscribe or follow or whatever it says on your podcast platform. Don't forget, I release new episodes every single Tuesday and sometimes I have little bonus episodes, so come follow me so you don't miss any episodes. I'm also on social media, Instagram, I'm fierce. Christy Jade on YouTube. I think I'm fierce. Christy Jade, I'm just fierce. Christy Jade all around. Um, also if you wanna email me, just say hi, have any questions. My email address is always in the show notes so you can find me there. Alright, let's settle down the end of the episode. Let's get namaste. Take a deep breath, hands to heart in less you're driving 'cause that's really awkward. And let's just breathe in. Do a couple affirmations. Okay, inhale, exhale and repeat after me.

Speaker 1: (12:51)
I have power over my own life. Nobody controls me but me. I'm learning every day and am right where I'm supposed to be because I'm a queen. Alright, Queens, I love you, smooches and deuces and all that good stuff and I will see you in the next episode.

5 Proven Strategies to Co-Parent with a Narcissist Without Drama : Part 1

Tue, 11 Mar 2025 04:51:00 -0400

No More Drama: Co-Parenting Sanity Strategies for Narc Survival

Grab your BLUEPRINT to Narcissist Abuse Recovery now!

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

The only course you will ever need to set healthy guilt free boundaries:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Join our facebook community!!

https://insig.ht/2Ym63Vh2vRb?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=live_stream_share

My meditations on Insight Timer:

EPISODES MENTIONED:

EPISODE ON GREY ROCK METHOD

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776

EPISODES ON SETTING BOUNDARIES:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-boundaries-as-a-people-pleaser/id1662241353?i=1000679893439

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-without-guilt/id1662241353?i=1000697670273

BENEFITS OF GOING NO CONTACT:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-still-she-thrives-narcissistic-abuse-toxic-relationships/id1662241353?i=1000611416531

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies. Let's go protect our peace.

(01:00)
Hello Queens, it's Christie. Jade, I'm so excited for today's podcast episode. We're going to talk about five proven strategies for co-parenting with a narcissist while protecting your piece. Is that possible? Yes, it is. Well, we're going to try our damnedest. Alright, so you can control your side of things, right? We can't control what they do, but let's dive into the five ways. This is going to be a two part episode because there's a lot to dive into and I wanted to break it up a little bit. So be sure to follow me on whatever podcast platform you are listening. If you're on Apple, if you're on Podbean directly, wherever you are, hit the follow button so you will get a notification so you can get the next episode, the next part of this episode, and then all the following episodes. Yay. Fun. Alright, so let's dive in.

(01:59)
Number one, you must master the art of detached communication. If you've heard me talk about or other people talk about the gray rock method, that is a way, we'll get to that in a second. But using the Biff method, that's BIFF, is an amazing method to stick to when dealing with narcissists of any kind. But especially when you're in this co-parenting dynamic, you have to, are forced to communicate with them most often. You've got a kid together, you're doing custody, you're doing just the back and forth of this and that. There's a doctor's appointment. You got to pay for the shoes. Alright, so Biff B is for brief, keeping those messages brief. Any of your texts, your emails, any of that, your phone conversations, I highly suggest depending on your situation, avoiding phone if possible. I love everything in writing. We'll get to that too.

(03:03)
So there's brief, keeping it brief, informative, so we're sharing information when it comes to the kids. We don't need our emotions all going back and forth. We don't need to get into all the fluffy details and just the emotions and everything that's just this bubbling over of stuff that's not necessary. Okay? Informative is key, brief, informative, friendly ish. I say ish because ish, we don't want to be over friendly with these MPHs. So that's civil, basically, and firm. Here's the thing. You got to be firm with your boundaries and we'll get to boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries is number two, spoiler alert, but you want to be firm with how you speak to them. And they love a good weak target. They love a flexible target they can knock over. So you've got to stand firm and confident, and the more you practice, the more it'll come easier.

(04:07)
It's beautiful. Okay? Document everything. Like I said, I love text, email. If you can go through a third party app like that, I know a lot of my clients end up, we put it in their divorce decrees. You can add things. Whatever you need to do legally, that's a whole separate episode. But really as a zoomed out, look into this, get everything documented, any conversation could end up in court. So keep it calm and factual. No emotion, none of the bs. Okay? Calm to the point. Emotion, free zone. Do not take their bait, okay? Respond. You're sending an email to a coworker, okay? You want it to be polite but detached. There's that word again, we love it. Detached, detached, detached. Okay? I'm not saying this is easy, girl. I've been through it too. I get it. I know it, but I'm on the other side of it and I've become a master at detaching and it is such a freeing feeling.

(05:18)
Ooh, if I could just let you feel what I feel now that I am detached, it's awesome. So an example of that could be, I'm happy to discuss this during our scheduled time. Please email me your concerns, right? Or let's say even brief, informative, friendly, and firm. Let me see an example of let's say you're meeting up to drop off a child. You don't need to get into, you were supposed to do this last week and I just want to make sure you're going to do this and right. We don't need all that. Just say, I will meet you to pick up Kayla at 4:00 PM at this school, and if you could please bring her shoes, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for working with me. Right? The firmness can be in that way too, right? Oh, thank you for, it's like assuming they are going to do what they're supposed to do.

(06:19)
That's also a little tip, right? Putting that in there. Thanks for being the dad. You're supposed to be without saying that. Okay? Remember too, the power of that gray rock method. Be dull, be boring, and unreactive. I go into this in its own little episode. I will link the description box of the podcast, but when they try to make you take that bait, they trigger you. That is the best way to win. We're winning. We're winning. Alright, number two. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. Everyone say it with me now. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. Alright, one of my favorite words in the world setting.

(07:04)
So you are clearly outlining the rules for communication. Schedule changes, decision-making, like you got to take the reins here you are taking your power back. You are setting clear outlines and narcissists need very clear, clear, clear. No questions because they will take advantage of any room that you give them. That's the same thing with the emails or whatever, right? Anything, when you add unnecessary stuff, they can twist it, they can turn it, they can do all sorts of, you know what I'm talking about? You've been there. The more you give them, the more they will take or twist or make it work for them, whatever. So we got to do simple here. Same with the boundaries. You've just got to create these very crisp and clean outlines of the boundary. Be very clear and you have to stay consistent. So narcissists, push limits. So you have to stay firm in your decisions.

(08:06)
When they see they can wiggle you, they will wiggle you harder. When they get away with wiggling you, they will wiggle you way more. There's a whole lot of wiggling going on, okay? We don't want wiggles, no wiggles. We want boundaries, not wiggles. And then pick your battles. This is tough too. Once we get into this empowerment zone and we're on this healing journey and we're like, look, I'm free of you and I'm not going to put up with your shit anymore. We can get like, Ooh, I'm going to beat my chest too, right? I get it. The pendulum can sometimes swing to that other side, which is great in ways, but sometimes it cannot serve us because then they get even more defensive, even more wanting to go against us. So not every jab they give and they give a million jabs needs a response.

(09:00)
And you are also, by doing this, by picking and choosing, you're also guarding your own energy and protecting that lovely golden peace bubble around you that you're trying to form here. If you're just jumping back at every jab they say, taking every jab they give and feeling like you need to call it out or you need to stuff it down or show them you're not taking it anymore, that's also going to be destructive to you and your kids. So you've got to say, is this something I truly need to respond to? Or not even call out, but change, right? Or put the kibosh on. There are plenty of them. You will need that, right? Some, not so much. Some you can just say, noted, they're a clown. Let's keep rolling.

(09:50)
And then ways to do this with the boundaries. Something like, I'm not available outside our agreed parenting times if they're trying to get you to do X, Y, z or whatever. Thank you for your understanding, right? There she is. Again, the assuming, the best we know, we know. They don't understand. Come on. Like I said, I've been through this. I know, but we're going to say that anyway and keep it all documented because it can always go to court. You have no idea what they can break out next. They got pockets full of all the things. So we're going to end and we're going to do this mantra. So take a breath, a breath, please. I hope you're breathing a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Hands on heart. That's their chaos. I don't have to engage, repeat. That's their chaos. I don't have to engage. You don't have to engage. Isn't that freeing? You don't have to. Why? Because you are a queen.

(11:04)
Alright? We will have part two of this where we're going to talk about creating a bulletproof parenting plan. We're going to talk about protecting your kids from this emotional tug of war and prioritizing your own sanity and healing. Those are all good things, right? Okay. So remember, you do not have to match their energy to win. You win by staying calm, collected, and clear. That's how you win. And I'm on the other side, and I am telling you, it definitely is a life changer when you realize, you know what? I don't put up with their shit, but I also don't have to prove myself either, and I don't have to take their bait. I get to protect my peace. So always ask yourself that. Is this something that's protecting my peace? Is this response I'm giving something that is actually protecting my peace? Is it making me feel better or worse? Am I stooping that they're level? If so, we got rewind, redo. All right, I'll see you in the next episode. Don't forget to click the follow button. If you want to work one-on-one, email me or look at my links to sign up for a session. My shit's life changing, okay? I will change your laugh with the help of you. Of course. Alright, see you in the next episode. Bye.

The 8 Ways to Navigate Narcissistic Parents as an Adult

Thu, 06 Mar 2025 07:25:21 -0500

Grab your BLUEPRINT to Narcissist Abuse Recovery now!

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

The only course you will ever need to set healthy guilt free boundaries:

https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Join our facebook community!!

https://insig.ht/2Ym63Vh2vRb?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=live_stream_share

My meditations on Insight Timer:

EPISODES MENTIONED:

EPISODE ON GREY ROCK METHOD

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776

EPISODES ON SETTING BOUNDARIES:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-boundaries-as-a-people-pleaser/id1662241353?i=1000679893439

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-without-guilt/id1662241353?i=1000697670273

BENEFITS OF GOING NO CONTACT:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-still-she-thrives-narcissistic-abuse-toxic-relationships/id1662241353?i=1000611416531

TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Oh, I am so excited for this episode. It is highly requested and it's so deep and there's a lot to it. So it took me a while to really get my stuff together. I wanted to make sure that I covered everything and I think I got it. So grab your favorite drink and sit on back. It's going to be some good stuff in here. So take notes too. Get a pen, get a journal, make it fun. Do a little doodle. Who else doodles. Do you still doodle? I'm 45. I still doodle everywhere. Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted?

(00:54)
And mind ed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

(01:31)
Alright, so we're going to talk about eight different ways. Eight. I wanted to keep it to five, but I couldn't how to deal with a narcissistic parent. So the first thing is understanding narcissistic behavior. So if you're here, you're already probably trying to do that, and we have episodes. I will link them in the description of the podcast on certain toxic traits to look at different behaviors they have. So you're looking for lack of empathy, manipulation, gaslighting, blame shifting. Do you ever have that where they, as soon as you go to them with something, they will shift it back to you. And in general, emotional abuse and even being super dismissive is maybe some, don't call it abuse, but it is a behavior that is narcissistic and is never fun. It's not healthy when people dismiss you and demean you. Also, knowing this is still part of the narcissistic behavior, but knowing they are unlikely to change their behavior.

(02:36)
This is something some of you know, right? And you're here and you're kind of like, I know they're not going to change. What can I do? Others of you have hope and I get it. I had hope for someone for a very long time that I could help them change. I could help them see that if they would just listen long enough, they could understand, but they don't seem to want to understand. But I know that deep down, maybe they do right? All of those things that we tell ourselves and we think this way because guess what? Most people we know would be rational people that would be able to change. If you go to them with something, Hey, this is bothering me. Is there a way we can compromise on this so you can change this behavior? A lot of people would love to grow.

(03:21)
Narcissists do not really want to grow. They don't think anything's wrong with them, and we know deep, deep down they do. But we're talking about day-to-day behaviors. They're not going to accept blame. They're not going to have accountability. If they do, it's from a very desperate place of if you're literally like, I'm going to leave you and divorce you, they may put on a facade of normal behavior as such as, okay, I'm sorry, I'll never do it again. But then the broken promise cycle should show you that they're not going to keep their promises. So focusing on your responses and not fixing them, right? They're not likely to change. So what can you do? And then that'll bring us to step two, which is, well, not step two, but tip two, I guess setting boundaries. One of my favorite words in the world, and some people hate this word, it feels maybe rigid.

(04:15)
It feels if you're a people pleaser, you really might not like this, right? You're like, oh, I got to set boundaries. I got to stand up and do something. No, you're maybe more passive. I have a strong personality, so I'm a boundary setter. It's a little easier for me than some, but listen to what I have to say. Before you feel like putting on the brakes, you don't want to have to handle setting boundaries. There's a way to do it out of love. And remember that you're protecting yourself, not like trying to stop someone else. That's how I view it. I got to protect my peace. We know all about the peace bubble here at, but still she thrives. Okay, so first you're going to identify what behaviors are unacceptable to me. We just went over some of the gaslighting, all that guilt tripping, Ooh, heck no.

(05:02)
What about those feelings that maybe you don't even know how to pinpoint, but you know, feel like you're walking on eggshells and we're like, that's a no. That doesn't feel good. Any controlling behavior. This next one, I swear almost every one of my clients, probably all, but I never like to say a hundred percent invalidating your Emos. Can you raise your hand if you're sure. Remember that commercial? No. Raise your hand if the narcissist in your life who in this case is apparent, invalidates your emotions. Or like I said, dismisses them does not give you that cuddly feeling of support whenever you have emotions. They may even say, you're oversensitive, you're crazy, you're dramatic, you're just blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? Okay, so first it's identifying what you're not okay with. Then it's communicating your limits. This is where it gets tricky, but this is what you have to do if you are in touch with your parents, and we'll get to that too later.

(06:10)
But if you are in touch with them and you feel like you cannot not be in touch with them, which I understand it is very difficult with parents, that is an option to disconnect, but we'll talk about that later. I don't want to discuss this topic is something I in my own life have had to say to a narcissist, right? I will not discuss this topic or I'm not going to however you want to phrase it. I'm not going to discuss this topic another way. If I had someone that would yell at me often, not necessarily a narcissist, but same thing, responding with something like I need space. When you raise your voice. For me, that's a little gentler, but I'm trying to give some gentle responses for those of us who are not where I am at and I am a little more harsh I guess you could call it, but for me more just like it's a truth of mine.

(07:10)
I am X years old. Listen now it's 45. I will not accept you raising your voice to me. And I actually give a consequence. I say, if that happens again, I'm going to hang up the phone or I'm going to exit the room. I'm going to whatever it is, right? I'm going to leave your house. But I let them know that's not something I'm going to tolerate and the hardest part maybe for many of us is sticking to the boundaries without over explaining or defending them. I won't discuss this topic. The more you discuss why you won't discuss this topic. Let's say you say, I don't want to discuss this topic because I feel this way, and that gives them so much more space to overtalk you, turn things around, convince you that you're wrong, right? Stand in your truth. You've already made the decision, so stick to it.

(08:14)
I'm not going to discuss this topic. You don't have to overexplain everything. You don't have to defend yourself. This is your truth. It's what you have decided is best for you in your life, and only you can do that. Only you know yourself the best. So yes, they will easily try to shift things. If you give them the room, don't give them the room. Write that in big letters. Don't give them room. This should be short and simple limits, and if you don't want to call 'em boundaries, you can call 'em limits. Make yourself feel a little fluffier, a little better, right? Whatever. It's your preferences, but it's a non-negotiable. It should be a non-negotiable because your peace at this point, honey, if you've been through it and you have a narcissistic parent and you're listening to this and you're either 25, 35, 45, that's decades of dealing with a bunch of Bs you shouldn't have had to deal with.

(09:08)
It is time for you to say no more, and I am okay with protecting my peace at this point. That's why you are here. You have to act on this. You've got to act on it and live it. Okay? Number three, detaching emotionally. Oh, this is one of the things that can be hard, but once you do it and you feel it for the first time that you're actually able to detach like this, it is the most freeing, just peaceful, calm, almost uncomfortable feeling. You may have never felt it before. If you have had parents that are narcissists or someone in your life for so long, you're like, I don't even know. I could feel like this. First, you want to reduce your emotional dependence on their validation. We talked about they don't validate what I feel you don't need them to. That's what we have to get to.

(10:09)
And that's not overnight, but we can chalk this down. That's not a saying. I'm making it one. Now we're going to chalk this down where request in the Facebook group, if you're not in it, please join that it's in my description box, but go in there request. Say, Hey, I'd love to hear more details on detaching emotionally or the validation, whatever. So I'm just trying to touch on these so you get a bigger picture and then we can zoom in later. But the dependence on their validation is what keeps you on the string of a narcissist in that web. You want their validation. You've got to let go of that desire and you can do cord cutting meditations even.

(10:56)
And some people are against those. Look, I was raised Catholic, I'm Christian. I have certain different beliefs of different things, but I'm very much a God person, a Christian person, and I sometimes use those tools like meditations to help me, but it's always in prayer. It's always with God and I say, God, please guide me on this journey. And it's just sometimes good to have a voice guiding me through something like saying, please, and you can just say a prayer if you want, right? God, please help me emotionally detach from needing their validation, right? The next thing is the gray rock method, and I will put that special episode that many love. It's one of my most listen to episodes of the Gray Rock Method. So this is pretty much keeping interactions dull and non-reactive to avoid being a target. Like I said, the more you give them, the more space and words you give to them, they are going to chomp it up.

(12:04)
They're going to get in there, they're going to twist shit. They're going to confuse you. They make you wonder about yourself, going to make you go to loco in the cocoa. We don't want that. So simple and very short, very basic non-emotional practices. The gray rock method, it's a real method out there and I have a whole podcast episode on it. If you have not listened to that or you need a refresh because we all do, go listen to that. I'll put it in the description box and accepting that they may not acknowledge your feelings or experiences. I say may not, but now I'm out of 10 narcissists. Do not acknowledge your feeling or experiences. If they do, they're probably just doing it for their own benefit. So 10 out of 10 narcissists. Do not acknowledge your feelings or experiences. They're not here for that.

(12:59)
They're here for them. I call 'em their own up their butt, right? They're just up their own butt. They don't, don't care about your feelings or experiences. They're out for themselves. They want the power. So if they take a millisecond to actually feel or care for you, there goes their power. They think, right? That's not true, that's not rational, but they're not true rational people. Alright, moving on to the fourth, managing guilt and emotional triggers. So expect the guilt tripping, right? The expectations just know what you're getting. This is text to book. What they're going to do, they're going to guilt trip. They are going to emotionally bat you around and manipulate you, right? Expect it and know what to do with it. You say their emotions, their behaviors are not mine and they're not yours to carry. Their emotions aren't yours. Don't take the bait.

(13:54)
They get all riled up and angry. That doesn't mean you have to get riled up and angry. What do you do? Come on class. What do you do? We learned this already. We say I'm not going to accept this and I'm going to what? Walk away. You have that right baby, okay? Even if it's your parent blood or not, I don't give a, yeah, you have that permission from me and then we want to reframe the guilt. So choosing your wellbeing. It's not selfish, it's self preserving. It's necessary. I'm going to say it again. Choosing your wellbeing. They have made you think it's selfish. They twist everything around to tell you, you are selfish. You are selfish. That is the most frequent thing I heard from my narcissist. You are selfish. You are selfish. It is deflecting. It is them turning what they are onto you.

(14:57)
It is them trying to make you believe something so that they have the upper hand and it's bullshit and it's necessary to choose your wellbeing, especially when it comes to a narcissist. They will drag you through coals and not care. Okay, five. Here we go. We talked about that. Limiting contact or no contact, so if it's necessary, go very low contact. I feel it's necessary in most cases. Okay, I'm going to give you the options, but I hope you lean toward the more conservative approach of very limited contact if you have a narcissist in your life. Co-parenting is a different story. I know some parenting situations are tricky, but this is minimal controlled interactions. Maybe having a buffer of another person around or my personal favorite is no contact if the relationship is too toxic. If you're here, it probably is no contact and I have an episode about that.

(16:05)
I'm going to have to try to remember, I'm going to have to listen to this again and put all these episodes in the description box. It's so important and you need to, when you enter limited or no contact for the limited, decide on clear rules for your communication. You get to decide that I just worked on this with a client the other day. We're going to emails only. That's it. That is it. You get to make the rules. Obviously if there's a lawyer involved, this was a co-parenting situation and it was okay. It was agreed upon. Email was okay, they're not going to want it to be okay. They're going to want to have the upper hand and they decide, but you get to decide email only. I prefer that over text, especially over phone. Everything is in writing. You can do it through an app.

(16:53)
There are apps out there, especially if you're in co-parenting situations. Ask your lawyers to put an addendum on to only speak through certain apps, and that's a great way to have. It's like through a third party. Everything is there. If it goes something legal, all the evidence is there. Get everything in writing and keep it short and sweet. I have literally written a bunch of emails for my clients to their exes just because they felt like they would get emotional. So I'm like, all right, what points do we need? Let's keep it clear, short, concise, and it's worked really beautifully so that definitely get clear on the rules and they can't have unannounced visits, any of that BS no more. And I know I'm talking about exes too. That's because I know a lot of situations, if you have had narcissistic parents, you may have narcissistic exes too.

(17:51)
That is something that you can give yourself permission to do. I'm only going to communicate with them through this or keep it to a limited time instead of answering all their calls. Say, I can talk to you Sundays at this time. It depends on your situation. That's why all of these situations, look, they're very different. Everyone's going to have a different story, but you can get a general idea of this and if you want to work with me one-on-one, we go into obviously customize plans for everybody. We got blueprints over here, so if you are going low contact, have those rules in place and prepare for backlash. Guess who doesn't like losing control? My queen narcissist. They hate it. It's their least favorite thing. You have to stay firm.

(18:44)
It's not for the fan of heart, but you are a strong queen. I see you. You're on here for a reason. Just know I'm telling you, no one really told me when I went through all of my stuff earlier in life, a lot of stuff, I've had different layers of it, but one of the biggest ones, no one really told me about the backlash, how severe it would be, and just I wasn't really prepared. I wish I would've been more prepared. So I'm glad you're here. Prepare. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but you have support. You can be in my Facebook group, get support there from other people in your situation. Get support from me and stay firm in your boundaries. So let's go on to number six, strengthening your support system. Speak in a witch. Do an evaluation of your friends.

(19:33)
You're going to need healthy friends around here. If you're trying to take out the narcissist trash, you're going to need healthy friends supporting you, people who uplift you, people who don't make you question yourself, not people who are mutual friends with these people and are questioning you or family members that might see both sides because they're a flying monkey for the narcissist. None of that. Focus on the support of those. Have your back and that can be friends, that can be family, it can be a therapist, it can be yours, truly over here, Krista, Jade. Hey girl. If you need one-on-one support from someone who really knows what you're going through, I'm all for therapy. I love therapists. You have to have the right one that really knows what they're talking about. So you might have to date around therapy or a support group. There are actual support groups, and then there's my Facebook group.

(20:34)
Like I said, connect with people who uplift rather than drain you. You don't have time to drain and disturb your peace anymore. We're done, right? Can I get an amen? What? Are you still with me? I'm waking you up. Number seven, prioritizing your healing. Okay? This is the better stuff, right? We have to deal with all that crap and how to navigate this is self-care, okay? Meditation. Guys, if you have not done my four minute meditation, it's a great place to start. You do it every morning, you can do it midday. If you have a few minutes and you do, everyone has a few minutes, go out to your dang car, right? Instead of a water break, smoke break, pee break, hold your pee and meditate. Just kidding, we can all find four minutes, but especially in the morning, you can wake up four minutes earlier.

(21:25)
I'm telling you, just this tiny meditation will give you a peek into meditation and what it can do for you. I love guided meditations. You can find 'em all over YouTube. I have my own on the insight timer app. I should put that in my description box. I don't think of all the things, but I have multiple ones. I have one's for anxiety, one's for abundance, all sorts of healing, meditations, journaling. If you love to write, write in a journal I write every morning, I pray and then I journal about it, right? Therapy is a form of self-care. Going to some sort of narcissistic help with coach, like a coach like me or somebody else is going to be self-help. Is that a word? Or spiritual practices? Whatever makes you feel good and comfortable, do more of it. Then you want to work on that inner child healing.

(22:25)
I do this with my coaching, but I also do this with somatic healing. If you don't know, I'm a somatic heal healer, which facilitator, whatever you want to call it, and we heal from the inside out from the body. Somatic means body. Your body remembers everything. So you can do all the mindset stuff in the world. Your body's still going to remember. That's why we go back. We feel like real pumped up for a while, and then we can side back somatic healing, which I love to do both. I love to mix both. So we get both of it. The mindset and the body. You are going to have very lasting results. So inner child healing in whatever modality, right? So you're reparenting yourself with kindness and affirmation, which wouldn't that be nice if we had that. Maybe you did with one parent, but also shifting your mindset from victimhood to empowerment, and I know I might get an ass whooping on this one because I am validating that you were a victim.

(23:26)
I was a victim. I get it. I went through it. But we shall not use that as our identity. I would prefer you think of yourself as a survivor as empowered and using what happened now to catapult you into the greatest life you can have. Your parent, whoever, whatever narcissist in your life does not define you, okay? Let them have the bullshit. Let them hold that, right? They have the poison. We're going to step, yes, we got sprayed with poison. What are we going to do about it? We're going to spit it back in their damn faces and run. Alright. Number eight, staying grounded in your faith and truth. I am a God person. I don't care what you are. I hope you're God person. I love God. He's a good dude. Sky daddy. He's upstairs. If you want to ever talk to him, you just say, Hey, what's up?

(24:28)
God, no. If you're spiritual, pray, meditate to stay centered in your truth, not theirs. Again, you're not the one with all the poison that's theirs. Sit in it. Say, I don't have room for you. I don't have time for you. I want nothing to do with this poison and ask God for guidance. Every day I ask God, shine the light of my path, my obedience. Sometimes I say it for obedience to you or the healthy path for me, whatever I'm needing in that moment. Remember God, your higher power, whatever does not call you to suffer but to thrive. He wants you to thrive. We're not here to suffer. I know we may suffer. I get it. I know there's suffering and there's darkness in the world, but sky daddy, I think of him as the best dad out there who wants me to just do all the good things, help all the people be good to myself, help my family break the cycles of abuse, whatever He wants it all for me and for you.

(25:41)
So what does your God, your higher power want for you? Think about that. Write it down, and then trust yourself, which is hard for people who've gone through abuse. This can be tricky, but try to trust yourself. Your feelings, your needs, your worth are valid. It's all valid, even though it might not feel like it because you had somebody in your life invalidating you over and over and over. We're going to rewrite that. So these are the things. This is like, there's a lot of housing in here, which I will tell you. They say, Christie, don't give away all the how's. That's the whole thing you want to wait for. So you can do that in coaching. Well, I like to give shit away free because I care more about helping you than the dollars in my pocket. Honestly, I want to help as many people as I can, and if you want further, deeper help that I cannot, I'm trying to spit out as much as I can for you here, but whatever I can't get out in this podcast you want to delve deeper into, let me know.

(26:51)
I will put a link. There's always going to be a link there of how to work with me, whether it's a somatic healing or coaching or both. I will put the link in the top part so you know where to click, and if you want to just email me and chat and just see what kind of help you think you may need, you're kind of lost out there. Email me. My email is always on there too Fierce Mama C, that's me at Gmail. I hope you guys like this episode. I loved it. I think it's really important. I'm like, I love my episode. See what happens when you heal, you get confidence. Yeah, girl, no, I feel good about this because it's been asked for and I wanted to really make sure I covered a lot. If you have more questions, again, that Facebook group is where you want to ask anything, just post on there. Ask, request me to do, delve deeper into maybe self-care. Whatever you want to hear more about, let me know. I love that. And you can also put up your own, what wins have you had this week?

(28:00)
What have you done in your healing journey? Which one of these eight things are you doing? Maybe you're doing some of them already dealing with your narcissistic parent. That space is a safe space to share and have support from people that are going through the same thing we are. We love that, don't we? I love it. Alright, so that is it for this episode. Of course, I would love to help as many people as possible. I know not everyone can do one-on-one sessions, but that is where you're going to get the customized stuff right? We're going to really get some deep, long lasting healing, and I shift people pretty damn quickly. It's my specialty. I love that about me, but it is, I'm quick myself. One of my best friends calls me Bunny, and because I like to go through things quickly, I'm not going to be sitting.

(29:00)
I don't want to lay on that couch and cry about shit any more than I have to. I'm going to do it. I think emotions are important. You address them, you honor them, and then you say, this life is short. Let's fucking party. No, that's not what you say. Well, maybe I do. No, I want to thrive. What's my purpose? I want to feel happy again. I want to find the old me that was in there, or I want to find myself for the first time. I want to feel confident. I want to have joy. I want to break the cycle where I know that I'm not going to tolerate anyone else treating me poorly ever again. And I want my kids to see that there's all these things, right? So honor yourself, put your crown on. Let's do some affirmations to end this, okay? All right, we'll do it specific to this topic first. The first one, I am free of getting validation from my parent.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries Without Guilt

Tue, 04 Mar 2025 11:18:06 -0500

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Speaker 1: (00:03)
Um, hello ladies. Hello my queens. I have something epic lined up for you. I'm so excited. First, I guess I'll say, you know, welcome to, but still she thrives. There's the official, hello. But I am so excited. I am relaunching my boundaries course with a special bonus for a limited time for a limited amount of people. I don't know when that time is gonna be up. I'm gonna see how many I sell and go from there because I need to have enough space to give this bonus offer this time, which is going to be an hour free one-on-one coaching with me. So you will get that on top of your Epic Boundaries course, which is prerecorded go at your own pace. So it's not like you're rushing around. If you've got a very busy life, it's easy to include in your weekly routine, or if you wanna do bi-weekly, it is dripped out weekly.

Speaker 1: (00:57)
So one video will come out to your email, directly to your email every week on boundaries. So if you feel like you are somebody who feels stressed out, overwhelmed, not at peace, feeling like relationships are stressing you out, feeling like maybe work is stressing you out, maybe the home life with the kids is stressing you out, odds are you have a issue with setting boundaries or keeping them or even knowing what or how to set boundaries. So my course is all about that, but we're going to touch on a few of those things today. And then, um, the offer will be in the show notes, the podcast description area. Um, so you can go ahead and sign up and if you sign up for a limited time, you will get that one hour one-on-one coaching with me, which it's just gonna be amazing, like the course with me helping you, guiding you on your journey to peace and joy and just ease.

Speaker 1: (02:02)
Don't we want an easier life? I know I did. And I'm here. So here's my hand. I'm gonna pull you on through and let's dive into the actual episode, shall we? So what are boundaries, right? We hear that word all the time to me, and we're gonna, we're gonna speak queen language today 'cause y'all are some queens. So I want you to picture boundaries like the walls that protect your castle, right? So just as a castle's, walls keep the unwanted out and the good within, that's important too for you to focus on, right? To me, it's protecting your peace. So all the good things you want to stay there and you want to block the negativity from coming and seeping into any even little cracks in your walls, right? So just as you get, you keep that unwanted out and the cherished in the personal boundaries define what you are comfortable with and what crosses the line.

Speaker 1: (03:01)
So imagine your emotional boundaries as this big protective shield around your emotional wellbeing. So when boundaries has such a negative connotation, and I hate that, I wish there was a more positive association with it, um, for me it is. But for a lot of people it feels like, oh, I'm telling someone what to do. No, you are telling yourself what you will and will not tolerate. And yes, you may communicate that to somebody, but in, in healthy loving boundaries, you're not really telling someone to do. I'll give you a quick example. Um, I had a person in my life that raised their voice a lot at me. And I was a grown adult. I was a grown adult, and I didn't want that to happen anymore. I was used to it. It was my way of life, my whole life. But I woke up one day, I was like, this really has caused me a negative feeling, like a lot, right?

Speaker 1: (03:53)
So I don't like that. I don't like that feeling. So what do you do about it? I, instead of saying, don't yell at me anymore, you can say, I'm not comfortable with being yelled at. That's not something that I accept in my life anymore. And here is what's going to happen in the future. If you do raise your voice at me, there's nothing I can do about that on your end. But for me, I am going to walk away. I'm gonna hang up the phone, like whatever it is your boundary is gonna be, and we'll get to all of that, especially in the boundaries course where you really customize and learn how to figure out what boundaries you need. And there's also talk in my course about how to set those boundaries with love, right? And where it's not aggressive. So anyway, let's move on.

Speaker 1: (04:46)
So if you find it hard to say no to, let's say extra work at the office, even when it's affecting your personal time, that might be a sign your time related boundaries need attention. If you feel just spread thin, if you feel like, gosh, I have no time to do anything, and I hear this a lot when my clients come to me, I would say 95% of them say, I just, I don't have time to do that. And by the time they're done with me, they have more free time than they could have dreamt of. Because if you do not have free time in your life, it is because you are not, it may be aware of what's going on. You're not living in alignment with what you truly desire. And so therefore you're not really able to recognize or even know how to set those boundaries.

Speaker 1: (05:34)
Or maybe you know some of them, but you feel uneasy or guilty about setting them. And we're gonna shift all that mindset in the course. So then you can go on and set them and feel good about it. And you realize it actually improves your relationships. And the relationships. If it does damage certain relationships, those may not be relationships that you want in your life because they're not healthy relationships. So we get into all that too. All the fun, right? So setting healthy boundaries, you have to be very clear and specific. Okay? If a colleague asks you to stay late at work all the time, you could say, I'm happy to help, but I need at least 24 hours notice for overtime requests, right? And again, we'll get into all of these things more deeply. And this is where the one-on-one with me can help.

Speaker 1: (06:25)
If you have specific situations, you really can't figure out, I am a pro at them. So I love helping with that. Then there's overcoming the boundary challenges, right? Like it's natural to fear that setting boundaries might harm the relationships, but consider this healthy boundaries can actually strengthen them. So let's say you have a friend who always calls late at night, they're disturbing your sleep, but you feel like, oh, I feel bad if I don't answer. Like, you have this urgency to answer. I used to have that in general any time of day or night. I just felt like I had to be accessible all the time to my friends. It was a thing, not anymore, but by sending a boundary kindly, you know, saying something like, I value our friendship, but I do need to maintain a, a healthy sleep schedule. So I could totally chat during the day.

Speaker 1: (07:24)
Let's say you could even give a specific day. I used to have a specific day. Now it's like when I'm working, I really try hard not to do that unless it's like someone has an emergency or something, right? But I really used to have a day of the week I would pick and I'd be like, you know, Thursdays, if you just wanna chat, just to chat, like, I can totally do that from let's say two to 3:00 PM or whatever. Maybe it's at nighttime while you're waiting for dinner to cook on the stove. And these may seem like, you know, some more silly boundaries, some lighter boundaries. We definitely get into some deeper ones, right? I know a lot of you have gone through abuse. A lot of you come to me, you have just gotten out of really hard relationships and you may need to set boundaries with that person.

Speaker 1: (08:11)
Um, if you're co-parenting, there's some big boundary setting we have to do there, right? So all of that is something we can work on. So let's, let's talk about somebody who actually went through my program, right? She struggled so much with setting boundaries at her workplace. She used to say yes to everything, everything, if it meant working late, sacrificing her personal time. And this came from her because growing up she really didn't do a lot for herself because she grew up with a parent who was very controlling, um, very, you do everything I say when I do it. And she had no voice in her own life. So she didn't even really know her own voice. When she came to me, we discovered who she was, what she desired, and how to live in alignment with that. And part of that is getting comfortable with and setting new boundaries, right?

Speaker 1: (09:17)
So after learning about boundaries, she decided to communicate her limits. And not only did she improve her work life balance, but she got more respect from her colleagues. And I have my own little sidebar. Um, when I was in my early twenties, I worked at a television production company. And in the first, gosh, first two weeks, I don't remember exactly, but within the first two weeks, um, this is kind of an embarrassing but funny story. So I actually will go into detail 'cause it's a little entertainment here too. Um, you know, I've always been good at boundaries in certain ways with certain people. I wasn't right? But I always felt like in the workplace, my dad had really, he used to say, here we go, we all in the same pot. That's what he told me. So I was like, yes, I'll respect my elders and all of that, but we're, we're all human, right?

Speaker 1: (10:17)
Like, I should never be talked down to or yelled at or anything, right? That was something that I just grew up with feeling in a work environment. So I had this new boss and I had asked him to, um, I I was moving out into an apartment and they needed proof that I, you know, had this job, whatever. So they asked him, I mean, I asked him if he could please get back to them. 'cause they had called and he hadn't returned their call, and he kind of blew me off. So I asked, there was like another boss, like a step above him. I asked him, sent him an email with a guy's name. Neither one of them were getting back to him. The guy called, and this was like over the span of a week or so. And so the guy at the apartment building, he contacted me.

Speaker 1: (11:11)
He said, look, if I don't have this by tomorrow, you're not getting the apartment. So I was like, well, I really wanted this apartment. So I looked in the directory of our huge company, okay? And I typed in human resources. I was like, well, I guess I just go to hr. Maybe that's why they're not responding. Maybe this is an HR thing. So I'll just go to hr. Keep in mind you, I'm fresh out of college. I don't really know how it all works. I just was like, okay, hr. And I saw that there was the president of hr, and I was like, perfect. So I emailed the president of HR and I CC'd the bosses. And my boss, who she didn't, she was like, she wasn't my boss. She was kind of a manager, but not my boss. So I, I couldn't ask her for this, right?

Speaker 1: (12:10)
Like, she wasn't directly above me. Exactly. Um, but she was in our department and I loved her, whatever. But I put her on the email. I don't even remember why I put her on the email, to be honest. It's so long ago. So, and I ccd the other two bosses who did not get back to the guy. And I wrote to the president of HR and I hit send. And I'm sitting there and I immediately, we were in cubicles and I immediately hear one, one of the bosses, the, like, my direct boss screaming at the top of his lungs. He screamed my name real loud. And, and there were tons of people around us, right? We're in cubicles. There's probably 25, 30 people. And my other, the woman, you know, manager looked at me and she looked at the, she was looking at her screen, she's like, oh, shaking her head.

Speaker 1: (13:09)
And I was like, oh gosh, did I do something wrong? , I guess so. And so the boss comes running over to my desk, I mean, veins popping red face, not good. And I don't even remember what he yelled, but he was yelling, yelling, yelling at me. And I was humiliated. I mean, I was brand new. All these people were staring at me. He yelled at me and I, I just went, I stormed away, went to the bathroom, I was crying in the bathroom, which was not like me, but I mean, I, that was not comfortable obviously. And I got myself together. And I remember sitting there and I was like, we all in the same pot. Nobody talks to me like that. And I went to him and I said, I, I'd like to speak with you in private, please. And he goes, I don't have time.

Speaker 1: (14:06)
And so I walked away. So I emailed him and I said, I'd really like to meet with you in private before you leave today. And I knew every, all of our schedule, I think were five or six. And at five o'clock I, like right before five, I see him getting his stuff ready. Like he just ignored my email. So I got up and I walked over to him and I said, I'd really like to meet before you leave. And he was like, God, fine. You know, like he was really annoyed. And so I said, do you wanna go into a quality control suite? We did television, production, quality control, and they had suites that shut. So we went in there and I said to him, I said, what you did to me earlier was not okay. I felt very disrespected and humiliated. I didn't do anything on purpose, obviously.

Speaker 1: (14:59)
And he was like, you wrote to the president of HR of all of this company. I mean, he is huge company. And I said, well, I don't know. I, the guy said I needed it done, you know, or I wouldn't get the apartment. And so we kind of went back and forth. I, he was still upset, but he calmed down as we talked. And I was like, that just under no circumstance, is that okay to speak to me like that, to speak to anyone like that. It's just not, I was, you know, I wasn't yelling, I was calm, I was just direct. And did I think I could get fired? Sure. Um, but I also have faith. There's this whole faith thing that goes along with me and my mind. And I do believe God will take care of us if we take care of ourselves.

Speaker 1: (15:49)
And, um, and I'm not saying you have to go about things this way, right? It might be extreme to do that, but maybe having an exit plan and looking for another job. If let's say, you know, you're scared to do something like that 'cause you have kids to support, I totally get that. But it's setting a standard. And I will tell you this, that man never spoke badly to me again. He actually was very kind. He liked me. He would tell people about me. He had used my nickname. He came to love me. And he told me one day, he said, the day that you talked to me in that room made me gain major respect for you. And that kind of hit, you know, because I was, I was scared. I was like, I, this might be it for me here. That sucks. I only made it two weeks.

Speaker 1: (16:43)
Um, and I wasn't someone to do that. But I, I felt so much in my body that this is not okay and not right that I just had to say something. So all that big story to say between me and my clients, I can tell you people respect you when you respect yourself and when you de demand, not demand, I hate that word, demand respect. But when you don't settle for less than being respected and being treated well, right? People treat you how you let them treat you. And that is true my whole life. Look, the abuse when I was a child, that is something that, you know, yeah, sure, I wish I would've gone to police or whatever, gotten help. But we don't always know, especially as children didn't know what options were out there. But I will tell you, as I got older and out of the house and going through this work, nobody treats me poorly anymore.

Speaker 1: (17:38)
That just doesn't happen. If it does, it's one time and they're out. Like, you don't get, you don't get chances to poorly behave around me. And I want you all to have this standard for yourself. I'm calling it the bold standard. 'cause you're queens, right? We're all queens. Everyone. Men too. This isn't just like a women empowerment. I mean, I'm all about women obviously, but men need to be treated well too. There are women who treat men horribly. Everybody deserves to be treated well and have high standards for themselves in their lives. You know, don't let anyone treat you like how you would not want your own child treated, right? A lot of us will be like, oh, they can't do that. And so protective of our kids, be protective of yourself as well. Like this life is to be lived in peace, in joy, in freedom and happiness.

Speaker 1: (18:38)
We're not here to suffer or take, okay? So I would love you to purchase my boundaries. Course it will be life changing. I, I can say everyone who has gone through my course has told me it has changed their lives. And then with that one-on-one coaching session with me that comes with it, this is like, now is the time to get this. So I will put the link in. I want you to really take your boundaries seriously and know you can do it in a way that isn't, you don't have to be a, right? Like there's a whole like association with boundaries or power. And that's. And we don't have time for it. You are loving yourself and all you want is to be treated well. And that's okay. That's more than okay. You deserve that. We all deserve that. Again, we're not here to suffer.

Speaker 1: (19:34)
That's not why we're here guys. We're here for many, many different reasons. That's a whole other show. But, and to help others. And you can still help others and be selfless in many ways, yet still care for yourself and demand that you be treated well. And again, I hate that word. It's got a negative connotation, but don't settle for less. I'll fluff it up a little bit. Semantics. Semantics. Anyway, this is a little bit of a longer episode, but it's super important. And this is the foundation of having a great life. It's simple. Like a great life is truly created by figuring out what your desires are. Maybe you have to rediscover yourself in the process. I'll do an episode about that. And then setting boundaries with yourself and with other people. There's also, you have to set boundaries with your yourself. If you want your life to align with your desires. What does your day look like? I, if you desire really to travel, but you never travel the, we've gotta fix something that could be a boundary with yourself. Well, what are, are you spending all this money on something else that's really not working toward what you actually want? It just in the moment seems like a good fix. Like, um, binge shopping, just like a, you know, aimlessly walking the aisles or scrolling on Amazon. 'cause you're filling a, a void in the moment. You just guzzling some wine, a coffee addiction that's expensive.

Speaker 1: (21:15)
Like getting clear on your alignment with what you desire and setting those boundaries to get into that alignment is everything. So I will link all this stuff in my show notes. If you have questions, I'll put my email in there as well. You guys deserve the freaking world. And you can get it. You can live a dream version of your life, if that makes sense, right? Like, can I be Mariah Carey right now? Maybe not, but can I live my dream if I wanna, if I love singing, which I do right now, I'm taking voice lessons, I love it. I'm singing on YouTube. I'm having a good old time, right? Like, there's ways to bring your sparkle back on top of, you know, recreating your boundaries with other people, recreating your life through setting the boundaries and letting the good in filling your life with more of the good it by blocking out the bad, right?

Speaker 1: (22:25)
Think about it. If you have negative energy and people draining you all the time, how are you gonna really be happy and do more of the good stuff or figure out what you even wanna do? Look like, picture it as a scale, right? You want that happy, happy joy, joy to be way up in the air. We want an imbalanced happy scale . Um, because that negative will just weigh you down, rob you of your energy, rob you of your joy, fill you with anxiety and worry. And y you are going to get more than that. I, if you go through this course, you are gonna learn a lot and you are going, it is invaluable. You are going to change your life. So, alright, I'm just, I'm passionate, obviously I could go on and on. Now I have, I've gone on for another like four minutes.

Speaker 1: (23:17)
So I will let you go, go click on that, purchase it, get that free call with me, which will pop up at the end of your, don't be worried if it's not there right away. Um, you can get, you can purchase an extra one if you'd like to. Um, there's an option for that to get two calls with me. But at the end, automatically at the end of your course, you get that one-on-one call. So you go through the course and then we can chat, you can, you know, if you have any questions about the course, if you're like, okay, I get it, but I have this specific situation that's tricky, can you help me? Yes. All those things. Or we can just sing and dance, do some yoga. Just kidding. Well, not really. We can do whatever you want with that hour, , but I love you guys. I will see you in the next episode. Smooches and Doses.

The 5 Minute Meditation Every Woman Healing from Abuse Needs to do Right Now

Thu, 27 Feb 2025 16:23:59 -0500

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In this 5-minute meditation, the speaker Christy Jade guides listeners through a series of breathing exercises and affirmations to help regulate the nervous system and promote feelings of peace, safety, and self-empowerment.

Speaker 1 (00:01):

Hello Queens. It is Kristi Jade with, but still she thrives. And today I'm so excited we have a mini episode. I've been doing these, I'm going to start trying to do them even more so you guys can build a little collection, a little library of under five minute meditations, breath work, things to really regulate your nervous system because when you've been through some shit like we have, that's what we need to do. We need to maintain through regulation, right? So in between my regular kind of talky episodes, I'm going to be doing these. So let me know in the Facebook group if you are enjoying them and if you have any recommendations that you would like me to do. So don't forget, that's always in the podcast description along with all the ways to work with me and all the fun freebies. So always go check that out after you're done listening. So let's start out taking a breath. I need to take a breath. I'm always talking fast. So let's take a nice inhale through the nose and exhale slowly.

(01:09)
And if you want to close your eyes, only do that. If you're not driving or you don't need to be seeing anything, hopefully you're in a quiet space doing this. Rest your eyes, rest your body, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. Breathe in deeply and feel that air fill your lungs expanding through your shoulders. Hold it and let it go. With each inhale, imagine this beautiful, golden, peaceful, warm light filling you with this calm energy. And when you exhale, release the tension of the day, the tension that builds up any doubt you're having about yourself. Any fears. I know we got a lot from all the stuff we've gone through. There are definitely going to be some anxieties, but this is where we let them float away. In this moment, let yourself feel at peace and we'll do one more inhale, filling up that peace bubble all around you. Hold it and exhale, releasing all that no longer serves you. Okay? Now bring your attention to your body. Feel the ground beneath you. Whether you're sitting, standing, laying, you are steady. You are safe in this moment. And I'd love you to repeat out loud if you can. After me, I'll say it, then you can repeat it. I am here.

(02:58)
I am whole. I am stronger than I know. And let these words really settle into your heart. You have already survived so much and you're still here. You're still standing. And you're not just standing. You thriving, right? We're thriving over here. Okay? Now imagine this soft, fluffy, warm light. This is God's love. Peace, the wisdom you have from what you've been through. It is within you always right? You have this. You aren't alone in this darkness. You have this light. And now I want you to take a little minute to listen. Just be in this peace bubble, this golden warm peace bubble, and just listen and ask God, if you are not a God person, that's fine. Just ask your higher self, whatever. What do I need to hear in this moment? And let yourself sit and just feel, hear whatever comes up. Trust it. Don't overthink it. I know what you're doing.

(04:20)
This is your inner sparkle, that intuition, and it's going to be guiding you. Let whatever comes up, come up. It may be a word, it may be a feeling, it may be some sort of vision, some sort of shape or color. And in a deeper meditation, you can go deeper into that. But for now, just let it come. Just see it. Be with it after something comes up, whatever it is, say thank you. Thank you, God. Thank you, universe. Take that big inhale in and exhale. And you're going to repeat after me. I am safe. I am strong.

(05:22)
I am divinely guided, and I am ready to rise. Because why? Because I'm a queen. We have to always add that one in there. When you're ready, open your eyes. Carry this peace bubble with you today, feeling that warmth, that glow. That's your glow, baby. You look good in glow. All right? Now remember, if you want to do more resetting your body, that nervous system calibration, somatic healing is an amazing, amazing solution from the inside. Healing from the inside, not just the mindset work, which is beautiful, but somatic healing, which I'm doing, I am offering right now. And you can go to my website, it's christie jade.com and then slash somatic healing. That will always be in my podcast notes too. But right now, it is at the beautiful, beautiful price of one 11. I usually have it at 1 33. So you're going to get a little discount for being here with me today. So you can go on there, sign up for a session. I guarantee you'll feel amazing afterwards. You can read all about it. There's a page. You can read more details to know more information. But this is the type of stuff we need to do to find the piece, to feel the piece, to rewrite what has happened, to undo the damage. It can be done.

(07:04)
I am proof. I am proof here. So I'm going to leave this, try to make it a short, I know it's only five minutes, but I blab a little bit because I really want you to understand how important this work is. The little meditations doing yoga. Whatever you can do to feed your body, your mind, your spirit, it's going to help and hydrate. Girl, where's your water? Okay, so if you want to do a session, go grab a session with me. We're going to have so much fun. It's me. We're going to have fun and heal. It's the best of both worlds. So also, the next episode I am going to do, because I've gotten a few requests on this, is navigating narcissistic parents. Are you ready for that? I have not touched on that. So make sure you're following me. Subscribe, whatever you got to do on the podcast platform of your preference.

(07:58)
So you get notified when I have new episodes out. I'm telling you what's coming up this year is going to be fire. It is going to be amazing. We have so much awesome stuff. It's about to blow your roof off. So I hope you enjoyed this. Remember to save these episodes, go back and just grab, when you got five minutes, go grab your golden glow, right? And you get to hear my weird voice in the background. It's perfect. All right, love you guys. Don't forget you are thriving, you are amazing. You're a queen. And don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. See you in the next one.

Do Narcissists Really Feel? The Truth Will Shock You!

Mon, 24 Feb 2025 16:48:44 -0500

Do Narcissists Really Feel? The Truth Will Shock You!

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TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1: (00:00)
In today's episode of, but Still She Thrives. We are gonna talk about do narcissists really have emotions? They have what we see as emotions, but are they true emotions? Stay tuned and find out.

Speaker 1: (00:14)
Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:12)
All right, let's dive into this. I can say I myself was really wondering about this. When I started to really delve into narcissistic abuse with my own experience with studying it. This was something I was like, oh, I get so confused about this because they can turn on the tears. Or are they real tears? Sometimes it seems so genuine. They have all these different emotions that we can relate to, but there's something that seems off about it, so it makes us wonder. So we're gonna explore. All right. To begin, let's clarify what narcissism is. If you're new here, maybe you don't know. It is narcissistic personality disorder or N p D. It's a mental health condition, really characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration and important, very important in this is the lack of empathy for others. So it's not just someone who's like, oh, they're such a narcissist.

Speaker 1: (02:08)
They're just so cocky, right? It goes a lot deeper. There's a lot of characteristics. You can go binge a bunch of my episodes to find out more, but they often come across as arrogant and self-centered. So I think it's important to know do they have emotions? Do they real emotions? Do they have the same emotions the rest of quote us do? So do they have emotions? The short answer is yes. Like anyone else, they experience a wide range of emotions, happiness, sadness, anger. We know about that. Anger and narcissist, don't we? And even fear, right? However, the way they experience and express their emotions is what's really very different from what we consider typical. So they may have difficulty connecting with and understanding their own emotions. For me, I I really picture them as having these deep, deep buried emotions that they can't even touch on.

Speaker 1: (03:06)
Occasionally, depending on how much frequency of contact, how long you've known the narcissist, you may get a little glimpse of this vulnerability where you see a true ish emotion. I've experienced that very, very rarely with someone that I have known for decades. Um, I would say twice I feel I've seen what is actually a true emotion. Um, because they, they really don't even understand their own selves. They can't cope with emotions. So they don't really go there. Their intense focus on themselves also often makes it challenging for them to empathize with the emotions of other people. They're always so up their own asses, let's call it what it is that they can't see past it, right? And they, so they just have this block there. And another important aspect to consider is this narcissistic mass. So it's kind of referring to what, what I was talking about there about, you know, there's these emotions buried deep, but they often present a very carefully crafted image to the world.

Speaker 1: (04:17)
And this conceals all those insecurities, all their vulnerabilities, 'cause they have 'em. So that's another episode. They do have insecurities. A lot of narcissists come off as so cocky, an arrogant, and they know it all. And they are actually completely the opposite. So this mask can make it seem like they lack emotions or are only concerned with their own needs, which honestly, I do believe most of them are only concern concerned with their own needs. But that is where that comes from, is they are, are showing that they are this, oh, look at me, I've done this and I've done that. They brag, they come off as very arrogant. And so it kind of will really highlight that they are not concerned with other people and they have a big, big focus on themselves. But beneath that exterior, narcissists can be very fragile. They may react strongly to perceived slights or criticism.

Speaker 1: (05:19)
So that's something to look out for. If there is someone who cannot handle being wrong, cannot handle being criticized, even when you come at it in a loving way, even when you use that sandwich mess method and you roll up there and say, oh my God, you're the best. And, but here's this little thing I wish you would do a little differently and not treat me like garbage, but I love you and I hope we can work it out. They still come at you all crazy. They can't handle being just disciplined, or not even disciplined, but just talk, having a healthy conversation about changes that need to be made. Whatever it is, they cannot handle that. So they struggle to understand, like we said, and also more importantly, manage the, the emotions they do have, the emotions it triggers inside of them. So this whole paradox of arrogance and fragility, I think is really what confuses so many of us.

Speaker 1: (06:23)
And now that we know more about narcissism, narcissism can't even say the word today. Um, now that there's more information out there, it's so helpful because now you can see, okay, I think this person is so arrogant, they're very fragile. But don't let that make you feel, uh, because sometimes, let's be honest, when we see a fragile person or think of someone as fragile, we have empathy, which is great, but not with, they're a, they're a narcissist because narcissist narcissists are generally abusive. So I don't want you to go there and think like, oh, this this poor little hurt cat, I'm gonna help it. No, you don't need to help anybody. You know, my very, very first advice I I will give in a narcissistic situation if you are with a narcissist, is to get out. Not everyone's gonna like that. Not everyone is going to be ready for that.

Speaker 1: (07:24)
That's fine. No judgment. That's always gonna be my first and foremost advice. However, if you are co-parenting, there's no way around having them totally out of your life in most situations, unless they are abusive to the point that it can be proven and you can, you know, have your children taken from them. Or if you are in a situation where you are very fearful of your life, that is very, very hard to get out of the situation. It's a lot harder when you have that fear. And I understand that, and that's why I always recommend, and I always put the phone number to the domestic abuse hotline in my show notes. So don't hesitate to, they also, I think even on their website, I believe they have like a, a hidden thing where if you go to it, you can hide it. So if your narcissist is, you know, stalking your, they, you can basically have it.

Speaker 1: (08:20)
So it's hidden. Um, I should probably check into that more to give you the exact details, but I remember when I went to that website, checking it, there was something like that, which is helpful. Um, you can call that phone number, try to make a plan to get out. 'cause I, I do get it. It's hard. But that is just always my first, first and foremost advice is get as far away as a narcissist as you can. Fragile or not. That fragility is very different in narcissists because it comes out usually in abusive behavior. Okay? So if you or someone you know is dealing with narcissistic tendencies, right? If you or yourself, maybe there's a narcissist listening to this out there, probably not. Most narcissists don't want help. Um, but if you are dealing with it yourself, you're in a situation or you know somebody, please direct them to this.

Speaker 1: (09:11)
You know, go ahead and share this with them. Share whatever information is in my show notes with them. If it is for you, I really beg you to seek help. If you are in a situation with a narcissist, you deserve more. Okay? Therapists, mental health experts, me as a coach can provide guidance and support. However, I will say I work with women who have already gotten out of romantic situations. Um, I don't work with women actively one-on-one with women who are in currently in the situations. That's just a different thing that I, um, you know, I don't work with that sort of situation right now. I have in the past, but right now, that's not my focus. However, like I said, there's the domestic hotline. 'cause really you need to get a plan first and foremost to get out. I work with women who are on the other end of things.

Speaker 1: (10:08)
Maybe you've just gotten out of the situation. Maybe you're six months, a year, three years out, but you are still healing, which can very much be the case if you have not gotten, um, help. Or maybe you've been to a therapist, like I was a therapist that did not really know about narcissists. And that was not helpful because there you, 'cause they're, you can't treat them like other people. You can't treat the situation like other people. So, um, it's really important if you do get a therapist, make sure they have dealt with narcissism themselves. Uh, that, that is how I found one of my therapists. I really interviewed people and was like, if they wouldn't tell me, then they didn't tell me I'd go to the next one. Then I found a lady, she had a narcissistic person in her life. And I was like, good.

Speaker 1: (10:51)
This is a great, she knows what it's like. 'cause I felt like very alone. Like no one really got it. So that being said, I am here. If you are on the other side, I would love to work with you one-on-one. We basically, we have like a kickoff call. I'll put that in the show notes where we create a two week plan. So it's on this, this new journey to healing. I like to call it you 2.0. We, we are becoming a queen. You deserve all the joy, all the peace. And just because you've been in this situation does not mean you cannot have that. And so it's super important to realize that, like, don't lose hope. Um, I've been there and I am on the other side of it, and life is grand and amazing. I mean, nobody's life is perfect, but God, the difference is really epic.

Speaker 1: (11:37)
It's epic man, . So definitely click on that sign up. Um, right now it is, I believe 1 97 for two. So you get two calls with me and you get some email support in between. And then we start our journey. You can come on and do monthly calls. So I have most of my clients do once a week calls with me. And we get you in such a better spot in your life. You get that peace, that calm, you can sleep at night. You don't have these racing thoughts all the time. You don't feel like you're crawling out of your skin and you know what to do if this person contacts you or if you have, you know, these memories or these triggers. Like we work through a lot of those things. I will say it's, it's a quicker process than you think it might be.

Speaker 1: (12:27)
And we really shift from that into, okay, you're here now, let's do, now let's live out loud. Let's find joy. Let's find peace. Let's find people that lift us up in our lives. Let's do the things that make us happy. Like when you're a kid and you just like have these activities, like you feel like you lost your sparkle, girl, we're gonna get your sparkle back. Okay? You're a queen. You deserve to sparkle. Okay. All right. So yes, in conclusion, 'cause I rambled, narcissists do have emotions, however, their emotional experiences and expressions can be very complex and influenced by their narcissistic tendencies. So understanding is essential for those dealing with narcissists or seeking to help them. So if you also are a mental health specialist, please do as much research as you can. Talk to people who have dealt with it. Talk to narcissists themselves.

Speaker 1: (13:29)
There are some out there that are actually on YouTube, um, where you can listen to their videos and get an idea of, of really who these people are because it's way more complex than, than often it is made. But at the same time, I'll give you one hint if you haven't heard all my episodes, maybe you haven't heard this, but one thing about narcissists that simplifies it for me is they are always seeking to control their victim or to regain control, like checking if they have that control. If they don't, then they will try to regain it back. So like all of their calculated moves, it's all about control. It's about really nothing else. So that is kind of oversimplifying it, but it's a helpful handy tool when you are like, why is he reaching out? Why is he doing this? Whenever you ask why, your answer is basically right there for control.

Speaker 1: (14:25)
For control, for control, okay? So anyway, that is it for today's episode. I do want to say, let's do a little, I am a little affirmation action before we leave. Okay? A little empowered. I am okay. Hands to heart. And unless you're driving, nobody needs you shutting your eyes with your hand on your heart and going off the road. Okay, let's take a breath. This was some fast talking tonight. I got a lot of to do tomorrow, so I'm speeding talking , okay? Ah, all right. I am worthy of peace. Say after me. I am worthy of peace. I am worthy of joy. I am gonna get my sparkle back

Speaker 2: (15:15)
Because

Speaker 1: (15:16)
I'm a queen . Alright, see you guys in the next episode. Loves these. Don't forget to check the show notes.

Affirmations for Healing After Abuse

Wed, 19 Feb 2025 20:40:44 -0500

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The Secret to How My Narcissist Got Me Back and How to Avoid Getting Sucked Back In

Mon, 17 Feb 2025 14:07:00 -0500

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TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1: (00:00)
On today's episode of, but Still She Thrives. We are going to talk about the secret of how my narcissist got me back. It probably works on you too. If you're still in this situation or if you're out of the situation, this may be a struggle and you're scared. You don't wanna go back or get re-involved in any way. Sometimes, even if you're a romantic. And then they try to suck you in as like a friend. They can use this tactic and it, it worked pretty well on me. I'm a sucker for it. So stay tuned to find out what it is and how we can say no, like to drugs. Just say no.

Speaker 1: (00:39)
Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still, she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:36)
All right, so let's dive into the secret to how my narcissist got me back. I mean, there were, you know, several ways, but this is a huge one that I think some of us may oversee. Or if you are an empath, like most narcissistic abuse victims, survivors, whatever you wanna be called, don't, don't yell at me, often have this trait of being empathetic and having big hearts, right? So this is something that narcissists really manipulate and in a calculated way use against us. So for me, one of those really, really hard things to resist is nostalgia slash memories. Anything related to good times, and it doesn't necessarily even had like, have to be with that specific person. And I'm gonna use an example, I'm gonna throw it out there. One of my real life examples that has happened to me in recent years even is that one of the narcissists that I cut out of my life is famous.

Speaker 1: (02:42)
Not famous, but famous for trying to suck me back in with nostalgia. He knows that's the thing. This is someone who knows me very well, we spent lots of time together and he thinks he is really smart. But I see through it. So now, honestly, it's comical when it would come through in recent years, it would be like, oh my gosh, this is so obvious that, I mean, it's comical, but it's gross too. It's gross behavior. So the nostalgia. So it doesn't necessarily, like I said, it doesn't have to be like, oh, remember when? And those can happen too. The whole, remember when we went to Maui together? I wish actually I went to Maui with anybody. That didn't happen. But you know, going down memory lane in that way is a great fast way to suck people in. Also, another way is just things they know you love.

Speaker 1: (03:33)
So my narcissist would use examples like, Hey, I just got tickets to blank. You like one of your favorite musicians, I'm saving a ticket for you. I have backstage passes. That's a real thing that happened. So they're trying to pull you in and, and they could totally turn it around, be like, no, I was just trying to be a nice guy. I really was. No, you weren't. You want to gain control. Narcissists want to gain control, and if they don't have it, they will try to get it back, right? And this, I mean, this was not years, maybe a year between the last time I talked to this person, they fell off. So don't expect them to fall off and never come back. I think we know that, but this person had not contacted me. Whatever. It was like good gravy. Then they came back with this probably because it may have sparked a memory of me because yes, I like this musician and they knew that.

Speaker 1: (04:36)
But it was more about them being feeling rejected and not having control. So they're like, Hmm, how can I get set this up so that this person feels like they either guilted into it, like, oh, I already have a ticket for you. Or throw that nostalgia on and make you feel special. Right? There was wording in it like, you know, you're the only person that would love to see this as much as I would. Right? Which isn't true. I mean, this is a very famous person. These people are famous people. There are hundreds of thousands of people that like them. We're not special, okay? But they are calculated and they use this wording and they try to manipulate so they can get their way and gain control. So I'm pointing all of this out so that if you're in a similar situation, you can look at texts like that, emails, calls, whatever it is, and say, I know what you do.

Speaker 1: (05:32)
And yeah, yeah. Who sang that song? You remember? I know what maybe she was singing about a narcissist and say, okay, enough of that. 'cause I clearly don't even know the words, but this is super important. Yes, this is kind of like a quick, we're having a quick little episode here, but this is so important to be able to recognize this as a flag. When they bring nostalgia up, it is to gain control of you. And it's about them. It's not about you. We're not special. I mean, we're special, but we're not really special. These people, they do this for control. So we have to recognize that and write this stuff down. A little secret to not taking the bait on this. Something that I do is I literally have for one of the narcissists, 'cause that was the hardest one for me to like separate from, there's a little notebook I have and I just like have these little reminders.

Speaker 1: (06:31)
So whenever I, I never will like go back to, to being in this person's life. But whenever I have a moment of just feeling like a little guilty, which is very rare now, or I don't know if guilty is the word, but just like, you know, I'm a human with a big heart and it, it's hard sometimes, right? Even for me, I have a little moment and I'll just say, let me look in my little notebook, right? And it makes me feel so much better. So all the things this person has done, write them down in a notebook or locked up in a computer that no one can get access to, whatever somewhere. Especially if you're fresh out the gates. It's helpful. I did it fresh out the gates and looked at it every single day. I wrote all the crap they did and to remind myself.

Speaker 1: (07:15)
'cause when we're feeling guilty or emotional or nostalgic, we will think of the good things. So a key to not, you know, to avoiding this getting sucked in this way, is to write all the things down. How they made your life miserable. And writing down nostalgia is just about them and their control, not about me. All right, I hope this is helpful and I will see you in the next episode. The Nest episode. I forgot the X in that word. I'm still in summertime, but only a couple more weeks until our fall school semester begins. So that's in my mind when fall begins, basically, when my daughter goes back to school. So a couple more weeks of that, and then I'm gonna be possibly upping to two episodes a week. Again, what do you guys think? You like one or two episodes a week.

Speaker 1: (08:03)
Let me know what is I, because I know some people can get overwhelmed, especially like after abuse and stuff. So is two episodes a week? Too many? Do you feel like you won't be able to keep up? Let me know. Write me my email's always in the, uh, what do you call the Gmail? The Gmail, the, the podcast notes area and my Gmail email is in there. And also, if you are having trouble with setting boundaries with you, feel like you're getting sucked into toxic behaviors, please either buy My Boundaries course, which is always also listed in there. It's amazing. And it's lifetime access. It's go at your own pace. There's like one week dripped for 10 weeks. So you do it like one about a half hour or less video every week talking about how to set, how to create, how to evaluate what boundaries you need, then how to set them and you know, create them, set them, and then maintain them.

Speaker 1: (09:03)
How to have any tough conversations you feel like you need to have. And even setting boundaries with yourself. That's a fun one. So it's 10 videos, they drip out for 10 weeks and then after that you can have them forever and ever. Yay. So definitely check that out. If you have trouble setting boundaries or if you wanna work one-on-one with me, there's always that option. Go into the podcast notes for that as well, and I will talk to you soon. Let's do, let's do a couple, uh, affirmations. Shall we shoulder shake? All right. Hands over heart. Unless you're driving. Take a nice deep breath. Ah, okay. I will not get sucked back into any toxicity. Repeat after me.

Speaker 2: (09:51)
Okay.

Speaker 1: (09:53)
I want peace, therefore I must protect myself. I know I can be strong because I'm a queen. Yeah. All right, love you. See you. The next one.

How to Protect Your Peace at All Costs

Tue, 11 Feb 2025 05:13:00 -0500

Take a ride with me in my car for this special episode! I will share some of my current 'navigating toxic situations' and some important reminders about protecting your peace! Let's dive in!

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Schedule a 1:1 coaching call with me here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Join my free facebook group:

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03):

(01:00)
All right, it's been a while since I have recorded a new episode. I have no idea how long this'll be. Hold on to your bootstraps. I am actually just taking a little drive around the neighborhood. I think I'm going to park. It's a beautiful sunny day out and I think we'll have a little chitty chat. So I was just listening to a podcast myself and in it she was talking about just basically it's her sharing her journey as she goes. And I was like, oh, that's kind of cool. I know a lot of podcasts are very like mine, right? It's definitely to help other people. It's to, yes, share things I've gone through, but it's more like using my experience to give tips and tricks, which is very beneficial. But I thought I should sprinkle in some of how I'm still using to this day, even after I have cut a major narcissist out of my life, but how I'm still using it this day to deal with other people.

(02:10)
Because I'm not saying everyone's a narcissist. I don't like to throw that word around. But I will say that there are a lot of people that do have some narcissistic traits. And if you do come from a unhealthy family background, which sorry, fam I do, there's a lot of unhealthy stuff that went on, which honestly I feel like there's a lot of families that are like that. But maybe I also feel like that because maybe we tend to feel comfortable around other people and other friends that can relate to what we've gone through. So it's kind of like that attracts like situation. So I would say my husband who comes from a very healthy family background tends to have friends that come from pretty healthy family backgrounds too. Not saying there aren't exceptions. And for me, I tend to have especially older friends, friends I've accumulated in my youth before this journey that may have some family Bs in their little arsenal.

(03:18)
But then I also have some people I've met in more recent years that have either healthy families or healthy mindsets where they know how to navigate it and they don't have that drama bond, right? It's like the trauma bond, the drama bond. I dunno, is that a thing that's already out there? I thought I was so clever just now, but I guarantee that's already a thing. Drama bond. So anyway, there's been some drama bonding in my life for sure. If you're listening to this, you probably have drama bonding in your life currently, if you are seeking help or in your past, if you're kind of on this, yeah, I've really worked on myself. I've done the therapy. Now I'm looking to do the somatic healing, which by the way, I will always put the information to sign up. How to contact me by email or sign up for coaching or somatic healing is something I do as well.

(04:11)
That's healing through the body. If you dunno, it's freaking amazing. If you want testimonials, let me know. I will send you them. But it's really awesome. So as I travel through my neighborhood, very exciting. We are going to dive into what's going on in my life right now, how I'm dealing with a narcissist. This person, I actually, I dunno why I said a narcissist. This person for sure has some narcissistic tendencies. I think they have another type of mental disorder. I am not going to nay names. I'm not going to throw shade on anyone specifically. I'm just here to tell you how I navigate it in different facets of my life. So maybe I'll sprinkle in more stories, let me know. Definitely sign up for my Facebook page because that's where we can actually chat more. So sign up on that. The link is always in the description of the podcast and it's a great group of mostly women in there.

(05:13)
I believe it's all women. I don't know if a man snuck in. I usually check each and every thing before I approve it. So it should be all women and it's a safe place. It's a private Facebook group, but we can chat more in there. So recently I've had a situation, and in this situation there's someone that I am somewhat forced to deal with. I say somewhat because usually we're not really forced in less. It is in a lot of cases. And I know a lot of you have that situation where you have shared custody and you are dealing with a narcissist or a toxic ex or father or mother of your child, which can get very tricky. This is almost similar. There is someone I am somewhat forced to. I say somewhat because I have decided at this point, they have said such nasty things to me. They have done a couple really horrible things to me that has impacted my relationship with someone else that has been absolutely heartbreaking. I'm talking, Christie was losing sleep over it. Really, really tough stuff. And I wish I could go into further detail because I know everyone wants the juice. But for privacy sake of the person that I do have a relationship with, I am not going to disclose that.

(06:46)
Yeah, I'll leave that there for now. But the important part is what I realize is there's usually ways around things. So basically this person has been really not kind and made it very difficult to contact this other person that I'm dealing with. So I have made workarounds doing that and I have decided it is more important to me to let that person I have a relationship with know that I love them, I care about them, I want to talk to them directly. And sometimes that's all we can do. We have to protect our peace and our mental health. So there is a time where you have to evaluate for yourself, is this worth my mental anguish? I mean, usually the answer is no for me, but I've taken a while to get here. So I know it's not always overnight and I want to give that grace to you, give you permission to give yourself that grace that you may have setbacks.

(07:54)
I have had setbacks in this particular situation through the years where I have said, oh, I'm not going to let such and such talk to me this way. They're never going to get to talk to me again. That is it. And then because of the complex situation, I have been put in a situation where it's like I felt like I had to and my heartstrings are pulled to the point. I was like, well, I have to and it's worth it. I just got to. And then the cycle happens again. Here's something with, I don't want to say narcissist only toxic people. If they're really toxic and it's a pattern, it's going to keep happening. So you can get your heartstrings pulled and then you get sucked back in. The goal is to not keep getting sucked back in. We're human. I gave myself grace and this time feels, sometimes you will just feel it in your heart.

(08:47)
This time is different. What this person did this particular time in my situation was past the point of return for me. And I feel it in my body. It feels different. It feels like the exhaustion, that mental anguish that I give up feeling. Not I give up in a weak way, but I give up surrendering my peace to this human who is not kind and is not for me and never will be. And if the collateral is a relationship of somebody else, and that's what happens. I hope it's not and I don't think it will be, but I had to determine knowing I'm choosing to not respond to this person at all and all of their crazy antics and texts and calls and whatever I'm choosing. Not that could impact the relationship of me and the other person. But I have come to a point in my life where you guys know my favorite word is peace.

(09:58)
I have a peace bubble around me and my little family. If you don't know, I have a husband that I could not have written up, I could not have created. I didn't know. I always say I did not know they made people this good. I really didn't. And I think, I mean that could be because I grew up in the environment I did and whatever, but I truly am dumbfounded every day that God sent this person to me. I feel, and I'm not one to be like, oh, things are so great, and they're like shit behind closed doors. That's not me. No, I am very real. If you know me in real life, I will spill all the tea even on myself. I just read an old diary, the few diary entry things that were embarrassing as heck on YouTube yesterday. I'm an overshare. And if there's a problem I, I think people need to know, people in the public eye, like me on podcasts and YouTube, whatever, can very much make it a picture of like, oh, this is how things are.

(11:07)
And you can be like this rainbows and butterflies. That's not me. Do I have a lens of rainbows and butterflies? Yes. I choose every day to be positive, to find the best in situations, to see the silver lining, to make life full of joy. I create, I initiate. Does bad shit happen? Yes. Have I had arguments with my husband? Of course. But are they toxic and unhealthy? No. We talk them out. We might disagree. He might go step away. That's his thing. He might go step away for five minutes because I'm the type who wants to fix. Now yesterday, let's get this over with, I just want peace. Let's fix it, fix it. Where he's like, I need to process. So nothing's perfect in life. We have different ways we do things, but they're both healthy ways and we don't yell at each other. We don't scream. We don't curse at each other. So I'm just giving you an idea. I have a very nice husband. My daughter I adopted at birth and she is freaking incredible a gift from God.

(12:12)
I literally, the other day I was a little upset about this whole situation. It's a tough situation. And I let her see me upset. I mean, I don't wallow in it. I'm not a Waller, but I was like, and she goes, I'm really sorry this is happening. She said, I wish there was something I could do. And I said, child, I said, just be you make my life. You make parenting easy. And that is the best thing in the world right now that on top of this thing that's bothering me, I don't have to worry about you. She's like this little self-sufficient organized girl. She writes in her planner, we have a planning party on Sundays. We plan the week ahead. She's more organized than I am. She makes her own lunch every day. She does her laundry. She asks if she can help. She is sweet and kind and funny.

(13:05)
I say all that to say this, I have a very happy life that I will do whatever I need to protect because I didn't have that. And I want to protect her and her peace. I don't want to drag any of the muck outside into my home with her or my husband. And I finally, in my life, and you can relate to this maybe where you used to just, it was kind of what you knew. But now I know I deserve way better than people speaking ugly to me. People talking down to me, people making me feel like I'm not valuable or I grew up, I will say with a sibling that put me down a lot and call me names and stupid. And I think it was beyond sibling stuff. You know how some people know where to jab and they just jab it real hard even in our twenties. And it was stuff that would really hurt.

(14:13)
So I want to protect my family from the muck. I want to protect myself from the muck. I don't deserve it. I never did. And you don't deserve it. So when I find a mucky person in my life, I've learned to tolerate so much because of my upbringing. But now that I'm older, do I tolerate more than someone else would? I may a little, but I reached the point, and that's what I'm saying here. I reached the point where I was like, my body is saying no and I'm going to listen to it. And with somatic healing, you learn so well to listen to your what's right and wrong. Like I said, I had a moment a few years ago where I felt like, well, this is a very tough situation. I got to kind of just take this heat for a minute so I can still maintain this relationship with this other person.

(15:12)
It was important to me. It's still important to me. But when I listen to my body this time, I am like, I don't have anything left. Can you relate? I know you can. I know we've all done it with the actual narcissist situation, but I want you to be able to use the narcissist situation to also take the temperature of your other relationships or just even not relationships, but people that may come into your life in the office, friends that maybe come into your group and it doesn't feel so great. They're not such good people, very self-absorbed or whatever. Listen to your body, listen to yourself. And I am so sick of the word toxic. I feel like I use it because I don't know what else to call it. I'm so sick of the word, but just people that don't make you feel good.

(16:08)
People that don't lift you up and that don't reciprocate. Whatever it is. It doesn't have to be a narcissist, but if someone is hurtful to you and really, you know what energy I'm talking about where you're just like, oh gosh, you don't have to tolerate it. You don't have to. And in my life right now I'm saying this person no more. I just felt it in my body. It was like a zap of lightning was like F this. I cannot do it anymore. I cannot do it. I'm done. I actually did meditation on it to just kind of free up all the muck, get rid of the muck meditation.

(16:52)
And then I prayed. I'm a big God person if you don't know. I prayed and said, God, please help me maintain this relationship with the one person, but I need to be freed of this other one. And please help this be as calm and peaceful to navigate as possible. So I've been praying on that, and that's something you can do. Prayer is huge guys. If you're a God person, not everybody is. I don't judge. It is not for me to decide. I just know what I believe about my God and Jesus. I'm Christian and seen the power of prayer in my life is insane. I could do a whole podcast on the stories in my life where prayer has worked and just miracles have happened. So if you're a God person, pray. Pray. And don't be afraid to say no more in your life without the guilt, without the guilt. And that's the thing, I'm human. I still have this little string there. You think, oh, Christie's a badass. Everyone thinks I'm hardcore healed. Look, I'm human. I've come an insane amount of, I've done an insane amount of healing. I've come very far. I am so proud of where I am. I will be honest. Not to toot toot, but man did I let some muck in that I shouldn't have. And I'm finally past that, right?

(18:25)
But I let this muck in a little and a few years back, but I let the muck back out. But now it came back and I actually didn't open the door. So that's something to be said here. I didn't really open the door to it. It's so hard to explain without telling the story. But there was an accidental portal that let this person into my life, not into my life, but a conversation that shouldn't have even happened did a, not to my, I didn't willingly go there. Okay, we'll say that, but I had to say, okay, how can I avoid that? It will even happen by accident. That's the difference. So I've come far. I want to protect my own mental wellbeing, my peace, my family at all costs. I read this book called The Best. Yes. And it really changed my life. I've probably mentioned it 40 times on my YouTube and everything else.

(19:36)
It's by Lisa and I always forget her last name. LYSI believe you can get on Amazon, I highly recommend it. But if you're a God person especially, but you can also read it and kind of view the God parts as higher self or whatever higher being you believe in. But it is about the best. Yes, what is most important? And it basically your immediate family. Well, God's first always, right? God, your immediate family and yourself. And so it was really helpful in me releasing guilt around putting yourself, your family God first. And that sounds silly, saying it out loud, but when you have all this pressure to be good and be nice and this and that to everybody no matter what, and be even godlike in a way, but God doesn't want us to put up with all that. He doesn't want us to suffer. Yes, help people be there for people, right? Honor your family. Honoring your family does not mean taking abuse. I want to say that again on or ring your family does not mean taking abuse of any kind. Write it down, smoosh it on your mirror. I don't know. Get a tattoo on your forehead. It's serious. Okay, so honoring. I know a lot of us who are Christians look at like, well, it's blood, it's family.

(21:15)
And maybe someone can throw me a supporting verse here. I know I've seen them. I'm so bad at remembering Bible verses. I've read the Bible. I know general ideas of that there are supporting verses, but I don't know offhand. I would love to spit one out at you right now. But all I know is honoring your family is not honoring abuse. So whatever form that comes in, just that's a no from us, that's a no. Okay? So I just want to share what I'm going through to kind of personify how it can be, even if it's not specifically like a narcissist, but there are people narcissistic traits. I mean, so this person, I do feel like they only think inside their own heads, which a lot of people do. And especially if there's a high intense situation going on, a stressful, they're having a stressful time in their lives.

(22:26)
It is normal, I think, or human, maybe not normal, to really just be all about yourself. Which that part I can understand. I can have grace on that. I have grace with a lot of people who have their heads up their own butts, even my own very close friends, and they have big moments of it sometimes. And I'm like, you know what? It's that kind of world. And I love them. And I try to see past that to their good traits. I have friends with a lot of great traits. So it's like, okay, nobody's perfect. I'm not perfect. I'm sure I have my head up my own butt moments. But the difference is if my head's up my own butt or I'm in my own head thinking about what I'm going through, guess what I'm not going to do? I'm not going to yell at someone.

(23:13)
I'm not going to call them names. I'm not going to make them feel like a horrible person. I'm not going to curse, raise my voice any of that. That's not going to happen. Am I perfect? Does that happen? If someone comes at me and I defend myself possibly, it is rare. It is very rare. I can think of only two people in my life that it has gotten to that level where I went to a space of what is unhealthy communication. They came at me loud and cursing, and usually I don't get loud. Usually I'll do more of a, and I don't even know about cursing, but I will almost like a condescending kind of tone. I'm like, okay, yep. How's that feel? Does that feel good? Get that out. Okay. Feels delicious, doesn't it? Stuff like that where I should just maybe hang off the phone, right?

(24:13)
But I'm like, oh yeah, I don't know. That's my reaction. So we're all working on ourselves, but like I said, that is extremely rare. And not to say anyone can make you act a certain way. I was about to say, well, there's only two people that make me act like that. No, no, no. Back it up, sister. I will tell on myself right now, that's a cop out. I control my emotions or I control how I handle situation. So I've learned, okay, so now I have it in my head. Nope. If that person curses and yells at you, which now this person I don't talk to, I am telling you this is the disconnection. But earlier when they did that, then it's like, okay, now if you hear that, you just hang up the phone. Nobody has any right to talk to you that way.

(25:04)
And we tolerated so much because we're used to it. We thought, oh, it's just, that's just, oh, we're Italian or we're this and no man, no. If it feels really bad in your body, I get joking around. I have tough skin, people can pick at me. I have friends that we rag on each other. It's in fun. It's not the same. This is, I'm telling you, someone's being not kind to you on purpose with a purpose to make you feel like crap or it's their own shit and they're just word vomiting because they have to get it out of them. I feel like it's poison sometimes. Some people are like, they're made of poison, right? This person I'm thinking of, they have always been poison. The day I met them, they were poison, right? And so I feel like they just spew out poison and you might be in the wake of it, and you don't have to be, don't put up with poison.

(26:04)
Okay, I'm going to get a little bumper sticker. Don't put up with poison. Don't take the bait. That's another one of the things I say all the time, right? Don't take the bait. I took the bait by even opening my mouth to defend myself. You don't have to defend yourself. You don't have to come back with a sassy comment. You just hang up. You just get out, get out of there. Protect your peace Bubble baby bee. Alright, 25. Dang, this bee can roll at the mouth. Is that a thing? I'm just making stuff up now. Anyway, it's been a lovely little car ride around my neighborhood with you. I hope the audio's okay. I'd love you to join my Facebook page. Tell me if you got any little golden nuggets or just feeling comfort that someone out there is also going through what you're going through.

(27:00)
This was not so much tips and tricks, but just me sharing a little bit because everyone likes to hear a little share. I think I did when that woman who I was listening to just said she was just going to be sharing her journey as she goes through this transition in her life, whatever. I was like, oh, okay. I'm here for it. I hope you guys are having a fabulous week and definitely share this out to anyone you think it could benefit. Just this podcast as a whole. I know this particular podcast episode may not be the most listened I have, but I don't really care about that. But I do care about reaching more people with this narcissistic abuse podcast. I do feel like I want to start getting into some more episodes. I know I did so many. I felt like, what else do I have to say? There's so much information I put out and I'm very proud of this. But now I'm seeing the listens are starting to quadruple on some episodes. So I'm like, man, this is really a needed thing. What else can I do? So also in the Facebook group, any episodes you'd love me to do, let me know. All right, love you guys. See you in the next episode. Don't forget to follow.

How to Accept a Narcissist’s Behavior

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 10:26:05 -0500

This week, let's talk about Tips on how to accept a narcissist's behavior

Schedule a 1:1 coaching call with me here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Join my free facebook group here:

TRANSCRIPTSpeaker 1: (00:00)
My beauties, how are you? Okay. I have been off. I have been vacationing and I also went to the lake with my group of friends, and I wanted to just slide this in here in the intro. How important it is to find very supportive, upbeat, uplifting people that do not gossip, who aren't negative, who don't bring you down to have in your life. It's so important to surround yourselves with good freaking people. I can't tell you the difference in my life now from 15 years ago. I'm not saying all my friends were negative, but there were some people that I had to walk on eggshells around that brought me down. And now having a solid group of friends that just were there for each other and always positive and not like. Talking other people and doing things and doing fun things and doing good for others, it's just such a game changer.

Speaker 1: (01:05)
Like relationships are seriously a huge key to healing and to just living an amazing life. So maybe we'll talk about that next week, but for now today, I have gotten this question from multiple people in different ways. It's been said in different ways, but how do you accept that the narcissists are the way they are? How do you, you know, 'cause it's hard. You're like, you don't get it because you're not that way. So it's, it's awful because they're awful, but it's even more awful because we can't even understand how on earth someone could be like that or treat people like that when we're finally like seeing it for what it is, or on the other side, right? Just the thought of how they treat us or other people can give us that visceral reaction. I've been there and it boils your blood. And then they can set you off if you still have to have them in your life. Even if you're like, I know I don't want them. I, let's say you're divorced or they're a family member, but you feel like you can't fully disconnect whatever it is, you still have to have that connection. So you have to see them or hear from them, at least here and there. That visceral reaction when they say or do certain things, will haunt you. So we're gonna talk about some tips that I've done in my own personal life in dealing with this stuff and hopefully can help you.

Speaker 1: (02:28)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy.

(02:51)
. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (03:25)
Alright, so let's dive in. Accepting that narcissists are the way they are, can be challenging. 'cause again, it's awful, especially if you've had personal experiences with them, which is why you guys are here. So here's some steps to help you navigate the process. Number one, and this helped me in a big way, is educating yourself. So that's what you're doing here. I definitely talk about why narcissists are the way they are or why they do certain things, right? Those are, in some of my episodes, you can dig you. I mean, there's a whole plethora. You can go on TikTok, you can go on Google, you can listen to podcasts, you can read books, right? Just make sure it's from a credible source. But understanding the psychological roots and the traits associated with them can give you a little more insight into first just why they do what they do, right?

Speaker 1: (04:14)
Because if you just know a narcissist is a certain way, it's like, that's awful. Why would anyone be that way? So you dig into the why's, and if you work with me one-on-one, we can go even further into that. So it depends, you know, people talk to me about all sorts of things, and that is sometimes we really delve into that because it is important that you understand. Number two, recognizing you cannot change them. Let's say that one again. You cannot change a narcissist. You have to accept, you cannot change their behavior or personality. I mean, this should go for most people. I don't wanna change anybody. I don't want to be in a relationship where I really have to change someone. Yes, you might have compromising whatever, but I wanna throw that as a general rule. Let's not try to change people or be changed, right?

Speaker 1: (05:00)
And narcissists, yes, it'd be great if they changed because they're generally awful. So I'd just letting you know that's not possible. It is not possible. So narcissists typically have deeply ingrained patterns of this thinking of this behavior. That is it. It's just they're set in their way so much, it's so deeply ingrained. They have themselves convinced of all the things we see. Even if we see like a touch of good or good times, that's either a mask or they're in a very vulnerable moment, which is very rare, and they will not stay in that moment for long. I've experienced that. And that's when we can kind of get our heartstrings pulled or, or like pulled back in. Usually it is actually very manipulative and it's calculated on their end if they are seemingly good and have that mask on, right? So they have a tendency to lack empathy, okay?

Speaker 1: (05:53)
That's not something they have inside of them and self-awareness. So if they're not self-aware, they're not going to change. That's why narcissists are one of the most least likely people that suffer from mental disorder to actually change because the lack of self-awareness and the lack of empathy, right? They're very disconnected. So it's extremely hard to try to get them to change. I would say I, I, I can't, don't quote me on this, but I'd say it's like 0.0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0. I could get all the zeros 0.1% that they can change. Never even worth it to try to get to that. By the time you would get there, it probably wouldn't even happen. But if you did, you'd be 95 and there goes your life. Okay? We don't have time for that. Number three, setting realistic expectations. So adjusting your expectations when interacting with them. You could use the gray rock method for this.

Speaker 1: (06:51)
Please go search. I will try to remember to link the gray rock method, uh, episode I have, but recognizing that their behavior might not align with the typical social norms and preparing for that. So the first part of this is preparing for that, preparing, knowing they're gonna be self-centered, they're gonna be an. Like we shouldn't be surprised at this point, guys. And what do you do? That's the little I'm adding in a little. What do you do with that? Is the gray rock method? Okay, they're manipulative. Expect all those things. Go and expecting it. Don't go in thinking, well, maybe they're gonna be nice today, they can wear a mask. Sure, but I wouldn't expect it. Never go in expecting it. Number four, establish your boundaries. So establishing and maintaining strong personal boundaries when dealing with narcissists is key. The only thing you can control is yourself and your boundaries.

Speaker 1: (07:49)
Like you cannot control these people no matter what you say or do. If you have like one minute of control because they're desperate to keep you or something. It's, it's a very short window where they will even wear that mask. They can only do it for so long. So you have to set your boundaries, limit your exposure to them. I mean, if you know me, I'm gonna remind you my number one advice with a narcissist is do not be involved with a narcissist. Period per, if you have to, you need to limit any exposure to them. That is not necessary. That means if you are co-parenting, yes, you're going to have to talk to them at some point. I would document everything, keep it on email, or you can get those apps where you can share it with your, um, attorneys. So they're watching everything that they say.

Speaker 1: (08:38)
You have to, I think both sign off on that in your paperwork, but limiting your conversations and communications with them and really keeping it very low engagement is so important. That will protect you from the emotional harm. Again, if you have to have contact, there's that gray rock method. Number five, don't take it personally. Guess what? This is never about you. And this is what so many of my clients come in feeling. What did I do wrong? Wrong? Why did this person pick me? Sure, you may have traits that you're a loving, awesome, amazing person, which drew them in, but that's not a fault and that's not something we want to change about you, right? So understand their behavior is not a reflection of your worth or your value. Their actions are honestly driven by their own insecurities. And if you've been studying narcissism or a little more now, you know that.

Speaker 1: (09:38)
But a lot of people don't think that. A lot of people think narcissists are very confident, no deep, deep down in their black hole of a soul. . If they are highly insecure and they need validation, and that means they need control. And what are narcissists always looking for control or trying to get control back, right? They're, they're checking in, do I have control? If not, how can I get it back? So always remember those things, but do not take it personally. It's never, ever, ever, ever about you. They're gonna behave like to anyone that they get as their closest victim in their relationships. I mean, trust me, if you are involved with the narcissist, you've seen the side and they can put on a great fake face out in society and in their community and they maybe they're charismatic and loved by all, anyone who spends an a good amount of time with them will see that they are.

Speaker 1: (10:32)
Okay? It's not you honey, it ain't you. Number six, of course, this is the hard one. This is like what we're kind of talking about, managing your emotions. So you actually have to practice emotional self-regulation when you are interacting with them. So they do these attempts to provoke you, right? They want a reaction. Knowing that was part of half my battle. It's like, wait, now I know they actually are looking for a reaction because they want control. They wanna know they're on top. So that almost emboldened me more to be like, mm-hmm. I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction. No, I'm not. So that really did help me to maintain my composure, right? And just, I would count in my head sometimes. I'd like, all right, breathe. He wants control. What are we gonna do? We're not gonna give it to him. We are not gonna give him the satisfaction and it's not gonna be good for me.

Speaker 1: (11:23)
Because the more you react, the faster that ball of hell just spins, right? And then there's the more engagement. You're taking the bait. What do I always say? Don't take the bait. 'cause the second you take that bait, you get wrapped in that rapid fire hell that that they control. And then you're out of control. So you have to say, do I wanna let this person gain control of me or I, or do I wanna keep my together? Take some breaths. And we've done a lot of episodes here on yoga, meditation, talking about all that. So go binge to find out about the nervous system regulation. There's episodes specifically on that. Um, but managing your emotions during the conversations, it takes practice. But I highly recommend it. Again, if you can have little to no contact, that's the best. Number seven, seeking support. I always talk about this 'cause it's so important.

Speaker 1: (12:19)
I could not have been where I am without it. So find a therapist who has been through narcissistic abuse themselves. If not, here I am. Here I am. I'm with you. Unfortunately, I've gone through it. I've gone through it and oh, my life is so much better. And this is why I do what I do, because I want people who have gone through this abuse, people who are going through this, that get that visceral reaction that just want to finally gain peace. Gain peace. I want you to have that joy and that freedom and that peace. So if you're ready for that, look in the show notes. Sign up with me for a one-on-one sesh, and let's do this because without help, it is very hard. I'm just gonna be honest with you. It is, it's very difficult. So whether that's a therapist, me talking to friends and family obviously helps, but unless someone's been through it and they're on the other side, it's just not going to get you that much further in your journey.

Speaker 1: (13:15)
So are you ready? That is the question you have to ask yourself, right? Are you ready? You might have to change your life a little bit. I was right at that point. I'm like, I do. I will do anything to get rid of these feelings and have peace and joy, like give it to me. So I signed up, I did a uh, therapist, and then I worked with a life coach, and I did a lot of my own work. And now I'll be honest, I know I'm a better support than even my therapist was Nothing against her. She was great. So she was great. But what I know and what I've been through is so much more, and I'm either even further along than she is in her journey. And I know that for a fact. Again, it's nothing. We're all on our own timeline, right?

Speaker 1: (13:58)
But, so I know how helpful I can be in someone's journey and how much I can accelerate your journey. So yes, go, go sign up for that fi first call. Number eight, practice empathy. This one, it's tricky, right? We're talking about all this stuff and like, oh wait, but I, I'm supposed to empathize. I will say this though. This does not mean you have to forgive and forget and have a relationship with this person. Having empathy for me looks like this. I pray for this person. One specifically in my life. I pray for them. I pray that they find peace and healing. I understand their brain was not created in the same way. I don't understand it all. Is it chemical? Is it environmental? Is it both? Maybe all of the above, right? That to me, it's sad. I have empathy for it. It doesn't matter enough for me to say, Hey, that's okay.

Speaker 1: (14:52)
Well, and give it an excuse. That's not it. You can empathize and say, that really sucks. This person has to live like this every day of their lives. I feel horrible for this person. I do. I look at their life and I'm like, man, what an awful life to live like this every day. To the point, you're that miserable with yourself. You're that in need for validation and control. It's sad. It is sad to watch. It's not my though. So don't be fooled. I'm not going to let that person take advantage of me. I'm not gonna be in a relationship with that person. I do have empathy and I do pray for them. So you can practice your version of empathy if that might help you, right? It doesn't excuse it again, but sometimes it can help you see them as a more complex individual with their own struggles.

Speaker 1: (15:40)
You know me Number nine is self-care. Self-care. Self-care. Girl queen, queen bee. You have to prioritize your own wellbeing. So engage in activities that bring you joy. Practice mindfulness. You know, I'm all about that yoga, that yin yoga, especially meditation, things that slow you down where you might be uncomfortable at first, but bust through it. It's worth it. Trust me. Exercising and anything honestly that like brings you joy. It's simple singing. Like take a class. I'm gonna start back up actually with voice lessons again, I love to sing and I haven't been practicing as much, so I'm like, Ooh, I really wanna do something again. Like I need, I need another class, but I'm gonna probably join a gym this year. I do different things for exercise and movement, whatever. I'm gonna join a gym. They have a bunch of classes, they have a swimming pool.

Speaker 1: (16:36)
So excited for that. I'm like, I'm gonna do something else. So I'm gonna do sing voice lessons again too. I love singing. What do you love to do? Do a class, get, get in front of other people. Connect. I'm telling you again, connection relationships are so, so important. And just having support in your life in general and when you've been through abuse, surrounding yourself with loving amazing people is that it's so freaking healing. It's, it's awesome. Number 10, like I said, consider limiting the contact. How do we do that to actually get there? It's more than this episode can take us. So if you work one-on-one with me, we dive deeper into all of these things. I talk about. We, there's a lot of the touching on, oh, what do you do? But like we go deeper into the how. How do we actually do these things, right?

Speaker 1: (17:27)
That is the stuff that takes some more time. It takes a one-on-one coaching. So if you are ready, if you are ready to get peace in your life and stop feeling how you're feeling, go sign up. Link is in the show notes as always. Let's do that first call and break through and at least get that first stepping stone into your amazing future, future, future. All right? I'm still on vacation. Crazy mode. All right, you guys, thank you so much for listening. Please leave a review if you have not and you're on Apple. Go ahead and leave a review and make me so happy and would help. It will help my podcast get to more people and we wanna help everybody we can. So do that. Sign up for a one-on-one session with me and I will see you in the next step.

The Reason Your Nervous System is Always in Overdrive After Narcissistic Abuse

Tue, 28 Jan 2025 15:58:11 -0500

This week, let's talk about The Reason Your Nervous System is Always in Overdrive After Narcissistic Abuse

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TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Welcome to, but still She Thrivesa with Christy. Okay, today's episode is going to be pretty short, but it's gonna be important. It is important, and it's something I just want to share with you guys because it might seem simple, but it's something that I didn't really get till it just kind of clicked one day of like, this makes sense. So stay tuned to hear the reason that your nervous system is always in overdrive. If you've been through narcissistic abuse,

Speaker 2: (00:34)
Hey

Speaker 1: (00:34)
Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? And you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind F girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:32)
Okay? So like I said, I've always felt like even after I have cut the narcissist out of my life, I still felt tense. I still felt stressed out, overwhelmed. Like just that my nervous system was so, so out of balance. And I'm like, well, I'm out of the situation. Was there a lot of peace that came from that? Yes, but it felt like this underlying thing and I was like, maybe I was just like born with anxiety, right? Like all these things came through my head. And then as I started to learn more about narcissism myself and go further in my journey, I realized, okay, so even though your body knows when you've left a certain situation, you're out of an abusive situation, toxic situation, whatever you wanna call it, you know you have peace, you can feel a difference. But if you are like me and all of my clients, even after you are out of the situation, you can still feel on edge.

Speaker 1: (02:26)
You still have this underlying stress, you question yourself. There's all sorts of things that when your body is not in alignment and is dysregulated, when your nervous system has been blown like that, it can totally shift things around in many ways. The thing is, when you're outta the situation, your body has an imprint. Your mind has an imprint, and it doesn't necessarily know that you are safe. It might have an idea you're out of this situation on a surface level, but there is this deep imprint of not feeling safe, even though there's knowledge of it, it's almost like it's stuck in that fear as well of it could come back, right? And, and we have those thoughts even on a more surface level where, oh, I might not trust again or this might happen again, right? Because our bodies are stuck there. So we are stuck in the trauma of our relationship, whether that be romantic, whether it be family, relationships, friendships, whatever it is, our mind, body, and spirit can all be still stuck there in many ways.

Speaker 1: (03:37)
When I understood that, like I really understood, I am stuck back there, even though I'm here, it helped me get clarity and kind of more motivation to like, okay, I need to dig into all of these three areas of my life, right? The body, I need to do some work on my body. I started doing the yoga, the meditation, right? The mind, we do therapy, talk therapy, affirmations, all, there's all sorts of therapies we can get into, right? And then the mind, the body and the spirit, right? So that for me, that that's some God stuff. Whatever sort of spiritual work. If you're a universe person, a god person, I don't, I don't care who it is, I don't care who your higher power is, it helps to have one. If you don't have one, dismiss this part, it's fine. Um, most important is that whatever parts of your body have been affected, you need to help each and every one of those.

Speaker 1: (04:37)
Are they related and entangled to a degree? So they affect each other? Yes. But I've noticed I really had to do specific work in each quote section of myself. If you have been following me, you know, I have a lot of episodes on how to help the healing process or start, sorry, start the healing process, right? How to start with the yin yoga with the meditation. And I give you ideas, but I can't say everything. I try to get give you guys as much information as I can, but if you truly want to get the best results and you want the accountability that helps with that, for me, that's what I love. I have a coach now. I had a therapist before. Um, I love to have accountability. It just, it helps me a lot. Most people do better with accountability. So if you're that person, this may be the time.

Speaker 1: (05:30)
Like if you are feeling dysregulated, if you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, burnt out, tired, questioning yourself, your confidence is. You're wondering if you'll ever be able to feel happy again. Or maybe you never really have felt happy, but you see other people and you want that peace is the goal for us, right? Like, that is my word. And I, I feel like that goes for all of my clients at some point have said, I want peace. And that is what I help you get. I help you gain the tools, keep the accountability, and really do the work in a fun way. This doesn't have to be dark and hard and scary. Are there gonna be moments? It's like, oh, okay. Like, yes, you have to sacrifice a little time, but if you, if you are telling me you wanna prioritize your piece, then you have to prioritize it.

Speaker 1: (06:22)
That means you have to spend some time on it, right? You can't just take a magic pill. Maybe you can take a, um, pill that masks it, it a little, but then you're also maybe numbing other parts of yourself. I'm not saying I'm anti-medication, I'm just saying doing this work with all of my clients has been epic and I've had multiple clients get off medication after working with me. I'm not saying that's a promise, I'm just saying I, I just see the results. And when you are working with me, we are going to go into all three areas of your life that are dysregulated. Odds are it's all three, and we're going to make it a fun process of healing. So if you're interested, I want you to sign up for my journey to peace Call. We go in, we dive deep, I give a lot.

Speaker 1: (07:13)
I love you guys. I want you to feel better and find peace and freedom. That's my jam. And I want you to be able to feel like I feel now. It's amazing on the side, and I know how it feels to be on the other side. And that's why I do this, because I want you to grab my hand and say, yes, I am ready. So are you ready to prioritize your piece? Are you just sick of this? If you are, go into my podcast notes, click on that link. Maybe you've been hearing this a couple times and you're like, I don't know. Oh, it's summer, whatever. Go ahead. Sign up for the first call and then we can go from there and really dive in and make your life amazing. Imagine how that would feel if you could feel regulated, if you could feel calmer, if you could have more confidence, more trust in yourself, more trust in other people, or trust in the fact that you can find amazing people to surround yourself with, that you end up knowing that you're a good role model for your kid if you have children.

Speaker 1: (08:18)
There's so many things that you are probably missing in your life, and life is short. And I, it kills me to watch people put off this healing, put off this journey 'cause it's so worth it. And I make it fun. It's fun. Ask any of my clients. We have fun. Um, so I do, I care about you guys. I want you to heal if you are ready. I want people who are ready, not like half-assed. I want the people that are like, I'm ready to do this. I wanna heal. And I know that I can get peace. I just, I just need help knowing how to get there. And maybe the accountability as well is hard for you. So that's what I'm here for. I'm so excited. I want to help you on your journey. So go click that link and sign up for your first one-on-one call with me. Let's do this.

5 Ways to Deal with Self-Doubt and Identity Confusion After Narcissistic Abuse

Wed, 15 Jan 2025 18:37:01 -0500

This week, let's talk about 5 Ways to Deal with Self-Doubt and Identity Confusion After Narcissistic Abuse

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TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Welcome to, but still she thrives. Today we're talking about the last part of this series, how narcissistic abuse affects your psychological wellbeing. And there's a lot. There's been a lot. This series has gone on and it is the last one. We're ending with a bang here talking about dealing with self doubt, doubt, , and identity confusion. Stay tuned.

Speaker 1: (00:28)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind F girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:26)
All right? We're gonna talk about that identity confusion, the self-doubt. We know if you have been a survivor of narcissistic abuse, you can have a lot of self-doubt. Shame, we've touched on that. And the identity confusion is real. What does that mean? Well, this means you start to may not even recognize yourself in a relationship, right? Who you are, your values, your beliefs, even your own thoughts and memories can get foggy. You can feel like you're crazy because of the gaslighting that narcissists have done to you. It can make you question everything. Your self-esteem can plummet. There's a whole lot that goes on with your identity and who you are when you are in a narcissistic relationship. This does not have to be just romantic. This can be a sibling, a parent, it can be someone you're, you know, co-parenting with an ex. This can be a friendship.

Speaker 1: (02:22)
This can be the mailman if you're real close to him, okay? That'd be a little weird if you're that close with your mailman. But hey, he brings some good. All right, so let's dive in to talk about what can you do to deal with this stuff. If you are suffering from feeling like you don't even know who you are anymore, you come out of a relationship and you're like, now what? Who am I? I don't even know what I want and don't want. I don't know which direction to go. Help. I get this question a lot as a coach, a lot of people come to me and that is the first thing. They're like, okay, what? Now I'm out of this situation or I'm getting out of it and now I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm starting over and I'm scared I'm damaged, I'm scared.

Speaker 1: (03:04)
I don't know who I am. I don't know how to find that person. So let's touch on it. We're not gonna touch on it. Actually, we're gonna go kind of deep 'cause we're gonna talk about five ways. Number one, self-reflection and introspection. You do have to reflect in order to figure out who you are now, who you became, all that stuff. Because sometimes when you're in a relationship, especially if you're living with the person, it's like you're just trying to make it through. You're just trying to make it through the abuse and walk on those eggshells to make you. Don't make sure you don't rattle the cart, all of that. So when you finally get out or you're getting out, this is the time to start to reflect on what has changed. Start to ask yourself questions like, what did change during this time? Who was I before?

Speaker 1: (03:55)
If there was a before? Because sometimes, look, if we have a narcissistic parent, there was never a before. So you have to then think, okay, what didn't feel good when I was, you know, in this situation, what were some beliefs that just went against my grain? But I went along with how did I, people please questions like this can direct you to figuring out more and more like who you are and what you do believe and what your, your, you know, value system is. What you want to do. You can say, what are my strengths and weaknesses? What do I value in life? That's a huge one to me. We often think about, well, what do I wanna be? Or what do I think I should be? And for me, every day I wake up and part of my prayer in the morning is, God, please help me find joy and peace today.

Speaker 1: (04:47)
Those are my two words. I like to have feeling goals. Sure I have some goals for my business and this and that, but really I want to feel peace, especially after going through abuse. We need peace. We need to feel free. So how can we find that peace? What makes you feel peaceful? Ask those questions. If you, if you have a feeling goal, like you wanna feel happy or you wanna feel at peace, well, how do you, everyone's different too. Like for me, I wanna sit and stare at a palm tree. I, I literally made my living room look like it's, I don't know, out of Florida. It's got the palm trees. I got more flowers recently. The artwork is very tropical, tropical colors. Um, in my kitchen I have these long curtains that look almost like tropical vines. The pattern I am all about that beach tropical vibe makes me feel very peaceful.

Speaker 1: (05:48)
So I incorporate it in my home decor. So that's just an example of, you know, you can bring in certain things that bring you peace, but just showing everyone's different. You might love winter, right? I'm talking about seasons here, but it could be anything. You may love the color, like maybe the color aqua for me, this is true. Bring brings you peace. It brings me peace. Aqua reminds me of like water and the beach and whatever. So I love the color aqua. I surround myself with it. So start digging like what makes you feel whatever feeling goal you wanna feel. So first we'll start with just one this week and you can add to it next week. But this week's homework and I want you to email me, what is your feeling goal? What do you wanna feel? Do you wanna feel peace? You wanna feel happy?

Speaker 1: (06:34)
You wanna feel excited about life? Maybe you're not there. Maybe you just wanna feel not scared. Maybe you just wanna feel that like contentment, right? There is no wrong answer. So figure out what do I just wanna feel? And from there, and you can write me that fierce mamay at Gmail. My email's always in the show notes, so email me your feeling goal and if you wanna go further, you can explore that. How, how can I get there? What brings me that feeling? And you can either save that for your own little journal or you can share that with me as well. 'cause I love, I love hearing this stuff. So start the reflection process. Number two, obviously support is great. We've talked about that a trillion times almost on every episode about how important support is. This can be your friends, family members, but someone who you trust, right?

Speaker 1: (07:32)
Not, not the people who you have to walk on eggshells around. Not the people you're just like, I don't know if they're on my side or not. It's a mutual friend of your narcissist. Nah, I'm talking about someone. If you have them who you feel very close and safe with and they always look out for you, that is who you would open up to to seek support from. And talk about these feelings of self-doubt, identity. You could ask them questions like, what do you think my strengths are? You know, to kind of direct you into exploring something that will bring you this quote, new identity, the u two point i that I talk about, right? But sometimes an outside perspective besides someone you know, such as a therapist, a coach like me, someone who is familiar with narcissism is important, can help you see yourself in a different light.

Speaker 1: (08:27)
I always say the favorite part of my job is when I see that moment, that shift where my clients go from feeling like crap about themselves, lower confidence, not really sure who they are, scared to take the next step when they shift into like seeing them how I see them. And even just starting to see that, I can see that shift. And that is literally why I do this, because I get choked up every freaking time it happens when I see the confidence coming back or maybe they never had the confidence and they're like, oh my gosh, I actually love myself. I, I feel good about myself. Or I know I wanna take this next step and do this. Like, you know, examples, one of my clients started her own business, like a fashion business, right? Another one went back to school. It goes on and on.

Speaker 1: (09:22)
And seeing that shift, believing in themselves and getting excited about their journey after going through abuse is, it's just so amazing to watch. So I just love that. So that is something that is important. If you want support and have a co someone to coach you through that, I am here. Check out my, um, options to work with me also in the show notes. But I, I just love taking people through that journey. And it's, it's just such a huge shift when you feel like, oh, I actually am seeing myself more clearly. Now I'm getting clarity and I'm feeling amazing. And it is possible for you. That being said, number three, set realistic goals, right? And how we do this is having a bigger goal and breaking it down. I say sparkle by sparkle, right? Break down that larger goal into smaller, achievable steps because our confidence has been knocked down, right?

Speaker 1: (10:23)
With abuse. So if we are like, yeah, I wanna make a million dollars by the end of this week. I mean, I know that's extreme, but just giving an example and then we don't get there. That can kind of beat up our self-confidence again, right? So we don't want that for you. So we can say a bigger goal. Let's say you want to, um, become a nurse. You decided, oh, I have this and that and I'm great with people and I've always thought about it, but my ex-husband wouldn't let me work or whatever it is. Let's say you're like, yeah, I wanna go be a nurse. That's a large goal. So break it down this week. What can we do sparkle by sparkle? Just what's the first step you can do to take that? Okay? Look at five different, you know, programs and explore them.

Speaker 1: (11:05)
Call, call one program this week, whatever it is, whatever you think you can handle that week. And then, you know, it's just step by step, sparkle by sparkle. So having realistic goals and then also celebrating those small successes. So at the end of the week saying like, look at me, I move forward and this is what I do with my clients. I walk them through going sparkle by sparkle. And it's so great every week to be like, they get excited to tell me, yes, I talked to this person, I did this and, and there's this excitement and accountability. So it's again, an amazing experience. But I do say it's bite by bite. Like don't just reach and try to swallow the whole thing. 'cause then you can let yourself down, which can lead to the opposite effect that we want, right? We wanna build that self-esteem.

Speaker 1: (11:56)
Number four, challenge those negative thoughts. So when you are experienced self-doubt specifically, you might have negative thoughts about yourself or your capabilities. This is where that work comes in. The affirmations that turning things around the talk therapy I do with my clients, right? To counteract those negative thoughts. 'cause we don't have time for 'em. Uhuh, we are trying to be us 2.0 and get that new identity and feel good about ourselves. So we don't have the space for these negative ask thoughts. . So consider the alternative to the negative. And we've talked about this, where you're writing more positive perspectives, you're switching, you know, if there's a certain negative thought pattern you have of, let's see, oh, I I, I can't do that. I'm too old to switch careers. I'm too old to switch careers. Uh, right? That comes in your brain, you start writing down the opposite, right?

Speaker 1: (12:50)
And you, you go find, I, this is what I do. I go find examples. If I have a negative thought pattern, I try to counteract it with finding real life proof that it is not true. So that's a perfect example. I thought I have had this thought myself when I changed careers actually into coaching. I'm like, well, am I too old to change? Maybe I should just go back. I worked into the television production business and I was like, oh, maybe I should just, you know, stick with television, blah, blah, blah. And then I said, you know, I, I knew I sounded negative and I've always been working on improving and growing. So I was like, all right, I know for a fact there's people out there, even celebrities that started what they're doing late in life. So I googled it and oh my gosh, the amount of celebrities alone that started and changed careers or whatever later in life.

Speaker 1: (13:42)
It's crazy. And then also my mom, that next week or something, she was telling me about someone who was in her master's program. My mom actually was a good example. She went back to school late in life. Um, but there was someone in her master's, I think it was her, no, it was her undergrad, but she was, you know, older, but they were, I mean like 78 years old, something like that, near 80 years old. And how amazing is that? They were going back to school to do something different. And that just, you look for proof, you can find it. There's always gonna be a story of someone doing something that they wanna do, they've decided to do at any age. And that to me is amazing. So you can do the cognitive behavior techniques with therapists. People like me, you can keep a journal, right, of tracking, like if you're having negative thoughts, writing them and then switching them around.

Speaker 1: (14:40)
And then of course, I'm big on the affirmations. Like every morning, every night have a set of affirmations. You say that back up what you want to feel and what you want to to believe, and you say it as I am, instead of I wanna believe I can. It's like, no, I am capable. I can change careers at 48 years old, or whatever it is. Okay? So that can help you reframe the negative thoughts. Number five, try new experiences. Yay. I love this one. Not everybody is comfortable doing new things outside their comfort zone, especially if you've just gotten out of a situation. But I'm telling you, pushing yourself does help you kind of push past this cage of self-doubt, this cage of feeling like you don't know who you are. You're gonna try the new things and figure out what you like and don't like and listen to your body.

Speaker 1: (15:38)
That should have been an extra one. Bonus number six, listen to your body. But we'll get there. So engage in activities or hobbies that interest you but you may have not tried before. New experiences can help you discover the aspects of you that you weren't really aware of. So it can provide opportunities to meet new people. I, I have definitely gained friendships through going to different classes. I do art classes, I've done photography classes. I took guitar. I sucked. But it was fun. I actually signed up for six months, so I had to commit to six months. Still did it. Learned a few notes. Played a little Jimi Hendrix. That was fun. It wasn't my jam. Did photography. Took a couple classes, met some really cool people, like-minded people, artsy creatives, right? So explore, like, this world has so many different things you can do and you just explore and that helps you figure out who you are.

Speaker 1: (16:36)
If you don't try, you're never gonna know. And that little bonus number six that popped in there, don't forget to listen to your body. Listen to your body. I'm serious. Your body will speak to if you get quiet. That's why I am big on meditation and prayer. You get quiet, you empty your head a little bit, shake it out and listen. You will get more and more in touch with your intuition. You will trust yourself more and you'll be like, yeah, I really like this, or I don't, or something just doesn't feel a hundred percent sometimes. I like the saying, if it ain't a hell yes, it's a hell no. Is that true with everything? No. Do I wanna like cook every single night? No. So, but you know what I'm saying, with certain situations where you do have more choices, . 'cause we do have to feed ourselves, and maybe we don't have the money to have a chef or go out out to a restaurant every night.

Speaker 1: (17:33)
But let's say things like you meet a specific person or you go and try a new activity and you're like, I mean, I kind of like it. Do I continue? I mean, we can really feel unsure of ourselves after abuse. We, if we were codependent, which most of us us are after narcissistic abuse, you can become codependent. You are really starting to think like other people like you may be so codependent that you're taking on what they like to do, or they're telling you what you like to do or should like to do, right? So this is the time to get in touch with your intuition and by, by getting in touch with your body and listening and being still. And when you feel that stress, when it feels like your shoulders go up or your jaw clench is that's your body saying like, this ain't in sis, this is not it.

Speaker 1: (18:25)
So listen to your body. All right. So all that being said, hopefully those were helpful. Let me know if you want to email me if you're mama C at Gmail, which is the most helpful to you? Or what do you think you might struggle with? I can give you a little feedback. But remember, it's okay to experience these moments of self-doubt and uncertainty. Okay? That is going to happen. So I want you to give yourself grace. They're a natural part of growth and development. And if you've gone through abuse, then it's, it's gonna definitely be in there. So we're working through that process. So be patient with yourself. Give yourself time and space to explore who the you 2.0 is and what makes you unique. And that's beautiful. It's like so amazing to overcome codependency and realize how amazing you are and that you don't need someone else to be amazing or feel amazing. So with persistence, a little self-compassion, you can overcome self-doubt and gain a stronger sense of yourself. That 2.0 you so love you guys. Let's do a couple affirmations before we leave. All right? Hands on heart, unless you're driving. Take a breath, relax it out, repeat after me, okay?

Speaker 1: (19:46)
I am amazing as I am. I don't need anyone else to be amazing. I am growing and getting better every day. All righty. And know why, because you are a

Speaker 2: (20:11)
Queen.

Speaker 1: (20:12)
Alright, I will see you in the next episode. Have a lovely day night, and don't forget to check out my show notes and chat me up and email if you want.

3 Tips to Help You Recover From Social Isolation After Narcissistic Abuse

Tue, 17 Dec 2024 17:38:16 -0500

This week, let's talk about 3 Tips to Help You Recover From Social Isolation After Narcissistic Abuse

Mentioned episodes:

https://ChristyJade.podbean.com/e/ep-20-filling-the-friendship-cup-after-narcissistic-abuse/

https://ChristyJade.podbean.com/e/ep-19-finding-true-friendship-as-an-adult/

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I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.

DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233

Transcript:

Speaker 1: (00:00)
What's up party people? This week we are still on the series talking about psychological effects from narcissistic abuse. We're working through this. We are almost to the end of this series. So also chime in, message me, email me, let me know what topics you want me to cover. You can always check my show notes and my email address, which is fierce mama c gmail is there. So you can write me and be like, Hey, I want you to talk about this. I have a little list going, so add to it. All right, so today we are going to dive into social isolation. It's a big one. Narcissists do this to their victims. They socially isolate them, which actually has an effect. So let's talk about it.

Speaker 1: (00:49)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawly narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal. Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:46)
So if you've been following me, you know that there are tons of effects from narcissistic abuse and they can be psychological and this sucks and we hate it. So we're gonna talk about how to undo it, reverse it, slip or down. Reverse it. Name that tune. Um, so this week we are talking about social isolation. So if you were not familiar with this, narcissists will isolate you socially. There's all sorts of things they do, but this is what we're talking about today, specifically social isolation, where they will try to isolate you from your family, from your friends, and they can do it subtly. They can do it slowly. They can do it in a way where they will turn you against people who actually love and care for you. And they start to mess with your mind trying to convince you that those people are not good for you or don't want the best for you and they're just protecting you.

Speaker 1: (02:41)
It's a whole gross ucky, yicky, all those key words. Okay? So today we are gonna talk about three ways you can help heal and work on that social isolation effect. Because when you've been in that relationship, especially if you've been in it for a long time, you may have lost friends, you may have lost family, you may have forgotten how to be social because you've been so codependent on your narcissist. So we don't want that anymore. We are gonna flip it into you 2.0 and we are going to gain back that confidence, that social relaxation where you feel better going into friendships. We actually have, I have some podcast episodes on friendships I can link and just in general kind of undoing what has happened, even if you never, maybe you grew up under the thumb of a narcissist. So you were always dependent on a parent or a sibling and you'd never develop those skills.

Speaker 1: (03:43)
Some of these things will help you with that as well. So let's dive in. Number one, seeking support from understanding individuals. So this is where, let's say before your narcissistic situation, you had friends, you had family, you had people that were close to you. Maybe you feel awkward now trying to get back to them. I'm telling you a lot of the times if you go in with love and you just say, look, I have gone through a lot and I miss you and I don't know how to get this back, but I really am asking for you. And you could even say forgiveness. People feel can feel slighted when you've cut them out of your life because of a narcissist. They can view it as you rejected them, when really we know how it all works. Like you are just this puppet of this narcissist at times, right?

Speaker 1: (04:39)
Like you're not even making your own decisions half the time, but their perspective may be different. So you can say, you know, I'm sorry about the situation. I'm realizing now what I've gone through and part of me healing and working through this is trying to reach out, apologize, and hopefully mend some of the relationships that I have lost in my life. Now, this is something me and my one-on-one clients work on. Um, because it can get kind of specific and you might need customized coaching. So if you want just like a one-off call to figure out how to have a conversation with a specific person, look at my show notes. And there there are power calls we can do the, um, journey to peace call. That is if you just want like one call, bing bang, let's figure the strategy out. That's a perfect way.

Speaker 1: (05:32)
Or if you wanna see, if you wanna do ongoing coaching with me, it's a great way to test it out. So go into my show notes if you're looking for some support in this. Anyway, so this could be also support group. So if you don't have those friends or family already, or you don't have past friends or family, maybe you just didn't have great relationships your entire life. There are support groups comprised of people who have experienced similar situations to you. And you can find this maybe locally, there's codependency anonymous, which if you've been isolated, you're probably codependent. Sorry, spoiler alert. So there are, I believe there's in-person, and I know there's online classes for codependency. Um, you can look on Facebook or whatever other social media platforms that have groups. I don't know them all. I usually use Facebook for things like that. But there are are all also, you know, domestic violence or abuse related groups that have local chapters.

Speaker 1: (06:35)
So you can do some Googling, thank God for Google and try to find something specific. If you want my help to find a group, please reach out. Email me. I love researching and helping with this stuff. So, um, cause I know some people get very overwhelmed, especially when you've been through abuse. I get it. It's also overwhelming sometimes we don't know where to start. So for me, it's, it's an easy thing I can help you with. All right, number two, rebuilding those social connections gradually. So, like I said, you know, reaching out might be hard, but try give yourself a little push. Say, coach Christy said it's okay. Believe in me. Do some affirmations around that. But gradually reconnecting with the people who were part of your social circle before. The abuse is something that I think is really good. If they were healthy people, of course you wanna evaluate, are these people good for me?

Speaker 1: (07:28)
Were they good to me back then before I got into this situation, did, was it people who were checking in and trying and really wanting to nurture a relationship with you? Those are the type of people that you want in your life. So reach out to those people who have showed understanding and caring or if, if you don't have those people, pay attention when you're out and about. Find a reason to just chat someone up at the grocery store. Dang, girl, look at that shiny apple. I don't know. Put yourself out there a little bit and see if you can build relationships and grow some trusting relationships that you deserve. Again, there are some more tips on that in my friendship based episodes, I will link. Um, but consider participating in group activities, hobby clubs, volunteering, those type of things. They might be like the, the sharing tips on apples in the grocery store.

Speaker 1: (08:28)
Okay, no, but joining those type of things where you have similar interests and it's a place that people are kind of expected to meet each other. That is a place you can start finding new relationships. Doesn't mean you have to be BFFs, but just being able to build that little social muscle again is a great thing. Number three, of course, we're not gonna get away from this episode with a little self-care chat. Yes, focusing on your self-care and your personal development, which you're doing. If you're listening to this podcast, good job. You've got a good start. Can help restore your emotional wellbeing and build that resilience up again. Like taking care of yourself after you have been isolated is very, very important. As important as the social aspect of actually meeting people. Take care of you. Take care of yourself. Build that confidence. Do those affirmations, all that energy moving work like I do the yoga.

Speaker 1: (09:26)
If you wanna do a reiki session with me, look in the show notes for that. Um, anything that will help your mind, body, and soul get back. Rebalanced is very, very crucial to this healing process and it helps everything together, right? It's like a well-oiled machine working together where you have yes, building your own confidence, which can in turn attract better people into your life that you can trust and build relationships with. So maybe you don't feel confident enough to even join one of those classes, one of those hobby clubs, activity type things, right? Maybe you don't feel comfortable enough. So once you start doing this self-care and self-confidence building, you will start to get more and more confident, have more assertiveness, and you can then say, mm, uh, I'm, I'm getting there, boo boo. I was calling myself boo boo. And then you can be like, let's go do this.

Speaker 1: (10:25)
Let's go rock out. Meet some people and trust again. It's hard. I get it, I've been there. But you know what? You really miss out when you don't push yourself a little bit, you know, nothing too crazy. But sometimes we need to stretch a little outside of our comfort zone. And what will help with that is building that self-confidence. So as you grow and develop in these ways, your confidence and sense of self will increase. Making it easier to reconnect with new people or even getting back to those old friendships that you had before the abuse started. Remember healing from abuse takes time. But be patient with yourself, have grace. Seek professional help if needed. Come jump into my show notes. There's plenty of ways to work with me. If you're just like, I wanna customize package, here's what I can afford. Help me out, email me.

Speaker 1: (11:21)
We'll figure something out. I love to help and I'm going to help you if you need help in some way. So hit me up, queen, hit me up. I will tailor something to your specific needs and we are going to get you back to good feeling, good, peace, freedom, all that jazz, all hands to heart. It's that time, let me say not if you're driving, nobody needs you not holding that wheel unless you're in a Tesla. Okay? Ah, so today's theme was getting back from isolation, right? Dealing with social isolation after the abuse. So hands to heart, you repeat after me. I am deserving of community, okay? I am an amazing human and deserve amazing people in my life. And finally, I do not blame myself for the isolation I went through because I'm a queen. Yes, there it is. All right, love you guys. See you in the next episode. Have a beautiful day or night, wherever you are, whenever you are. Dos and smooches.

How to Set Boundaries as a People Pleaser

Tue, 10 Dec 2024 09:48:06 -0500

This week, let's talk about 5 Ways to Set Boundaries as a People Pleaser

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https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.

DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233

Transcript:

Speaker 1: (00:00)
In today's episode, we're gonna talk about one of my favorite things to talk about boundaries. This is especially for you, all the people pleasers of the world. Some of us though, I'm throwing myself into this bucket. Our people pleasers only with certain people in certain situations. Hmm, abusive situations or just, it could be in your work environment, you're like that. Maybe it's just with family because there's history there, or you have fears or have to walk on eggshell so you become maybe more of a PE people pleaser in certain areas of life. Either way, this podcast is for you.

Speaker 1: (00:40)
Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawly narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Kristy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and free. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:37)
All right, queen bees, you're ready. Let's dive into the four ways to help you scooch along in your little boundary journey. Boundaries is such, it feels like such a harsh word. It doesn't have to be, to me, boundaries are a way. You are protecting your peace. You're not like doing wrong to anybody. You are doing good things for yourself and your life. Keeping in alignment with what you want in your life and what you deserve in your life. So you should never feel bad or have guilt around boundaries. And there are beautiful ways to express your boundaries. You don't have to be harsh but firm. Yes, that doesn't always mean you have to be like aggressive or harsh, but you wanna hold those boundaries in a solid firm way so that you stick to them. And the more you stick to your boundaries, the more people expect you to have and hold boundaries, which we love.

Speaker 1: (02:31)
By the way, if you don't know I have a Boundaries course, I will put the link in my show notes, aka podcast description. It is 10 whole exciting videos that you can do at your pace. They basically like drip out every week and then you can, you know, listen to them as you please. I try not to put them all in cuz nobody needs to listen to 10 boundary videos in one week, but they drop out every week, drip, drop, whatever word you wanna use. They Dr. Itty drop out every week and then after that you have them for a lifetime. Isn't that exciting? So if you really wanna go deeper on boundaries, then check that out. It is a, ugh, it's just an awesome, awesome course. I highly recommend it. I may be biased. All right, let's dive in. So as a people pleaser, setting firm boundaries can be challenging, right?

Speaker 1: (03:25)
We wanna please everybody or maybe, like I said, it's just certain people in your life. That was my case. I wasn't really a people pleaser to every single person that I ever met in my life, but certain people in my family, certain relationships, like romantic relationship, one of them I had, I was a super people pleaser in that one. Um, so it depends on the situation, right? But as a people pleaser in whatever way, it can be challenging to set boundaries with the person that you are people pleaser ring to. Is that a word? But you need to set these boundaries because we're trying to have peace and joy here. And you with, let me just back up. That's me re rewinding. If you do not have firm strong boundaries in your life, in alignment with what you want out of life, you are no not going to be able to get or maintain the things you want in life.

Speaker 1: (04:20)
And for us, that's peace, that's joy, that's freedom. All the things that we really truly desire and want after narcissistic abuse or any type of abuse or what we all deserve, right? So we wanna be shiny happy people. So here are four strategies to help you do that. Number one, recognize and prioritize your own needs. So you need to sit down with yourself. You need to set some time aside. This is a priority. This is the number one thing with boundaries that I actually do with my clients. You sit down and I call it a hell yes, hell no list. But you need to think about what you want out of your life. What is in alignment? What's not in alignment? So the hell yes is like, what is working right now? What are the needs that I have that I need to fill? What do, so the ones you already have, that's great, right?

Speaker 1: (05:15)
Or maybe you wanna put on that list too. What would I like to have? What? How would I like to feel? Let's say you are like, I just wanna feel peace. I wanna get away from drama. Write it all down. There's no like wrong or right answers. Here, go with your intuition. This is a brain dump. And then on the hell no side, that's what is not working. Or also what you do not want in your life. Let's say you got out of a an abusive relationship of any kind, okay? Whether it's romantic friendships, family ships, whatever it is, you know, there's something in that relationship that did not work for you and is not okay. You could get really specific with what type of abuse or what. Maybe there were some red flags you ignored, write them down. So you do this brain dump, and this is a whole exercise I do with my clients.

Speaker 1: (06:09)
So if you want to do one-on-one coaching, my link is always there in the show notes too. But understand, it's not selfish to prioritize this, right? Like to look at those priorities and say, I deserve to have all of this. I'm telling you, you're a queen, so you're up in this queendom, you deserve it. Take time to reflect on what it is. So this isn't like you're gonna do it in two minutes, but if you truly want to prioritize your mental health and your wellbeing and feeling good, you need to carve out time to do this stuff, guys. All right, coach Christy's getting sassy. So you require to be balanced and fulfilled. That's a requirement. Now, okay, so what do you have to do? A little work. You gotta do your hell yes and your hell no list. And then we start to build boundaries around those things.

Speaker 1: (06:58)
How do you get from a hell no to a hell yes. You start creating boundaries around that. Hell no. Let's, let's do example time with Kristy. Let's say a hell no in your life is that you live with a relative. Let's say it's an aunt and she is really horrible to you and you feel like you just have to deal with it. I call that's big. Nope, you don't have to deal with it. We can talk about all the ways to not do that, but we're just going from like a zoomed out lens here. So a hell no is your aunt is really mistreating you and horrible and makes fun of you, X, Y, Z. Okay? Every day you've got this strife in your life in order to make that a hell yes. What would that look like? Maybe it would be having a sit down talk to start, which maybe if you're a people pleaser, you have not wanted to even do that because you wanna respect your elders.

Speaker 1: (07:54)
I don't know. There's all these different reasons we give ourselves to not have talks with people or it could look like I really want her out, but I don't know how to do that. And then we can go there, right? This is when you work with therapists or coaches to achieve these things. But we're just talking zoomed out what a boundary may look like. It's something you wanna set, it's a goal of a boundary. And then we can take those little sparkle steps to actually get to that boundary where you actually can place the boundary and go from there. Again, my boundary course goes through all of this and the conversations you have with people. So the first thing is really getting all of that out though, really getting, what do you prioritize? What do you want? What are the hell yeses? What are the hell nos?

Speaker 1: (08:38)
And you wanna make those hell nos hell yeses one at a time. You can't do it all at once. It's too overwhelming. But you can do it quicker than you think. Sparkle by sparkle. Take one of those hell nos and think, how could I get this to feel better? How could I get closer to setting a real boundary around this so that I can live more peacefully? Ladies and gents, I'm talking today, it is like eight minutes in and we're only on number one. All right, I'll talk faster, fast forward. All right. Number two, you have to communicate a assertively. This does not mean mean, or you're an or you're a, okay? It doesn't, I mean, we can do that too, but you don't have to practice assertive communication when expressing your boundaries. So you wanna be clear and direct, okay, all the fluff.

Speaker 1: (09:26)
And I get there's, there's something to be said for the sandwiching of like starting in with, you know, I really appreciate our relationship. And then you go into the meat of the boundary and then you end it with, I hope that we can work this out, right? That's okay, but trying to give all these excuses and details and fluffy language, no, we gotta be real direct. So an example of this would be, I really love the fun we have together. I think we have a great friendship, okay? There's sandwich, bread, bread piece number one. It's all fluffy and happy. Meet and boundaries is, I really, you have to be very specific too. I do not appreciate you talking down to me or yelling at me. Um, I, I really need that to stop in order for us to have a relationship. And then the fluffy end of the other sandwich.

Speaker 1: (10:15)
I hope that we can work this out because like I said, I really do enjoy the fun times with you, but this is something that I need for us to maintain our relationship. Get it? So you sweeten you get direct very specific. So it's not like they're wondering what does she mean? Like, don't be mean to me. Well that's, that can be perspective in a way, right? So it's like, what specifically, don't yell at me or don't talk down to me, or don't call me names, whatever. I mean, should we be friends with these people? Anyway? I don't know. I'm just giving examples here. I, I like to give people a chance to make things right? I like to think people don't always see what they do, right? So I know like I had a friend, you know, maybe she was just extra loud, maybe she yelled, you know, it's just part of who she was.

Speaker 1: (11:05)
But the intention behind it started to, to me off. And it felt very like she was putting me down and talking down to me and like condescending and, and yelling. And I was just like, you know what? I'm like 30 something years old. I don't need. So I had to talk with her. Did it end well, maybe not, but it could have with somebody else. Maybe there's somebody who would've said, you know what? You're right. I'm gonna work on that because I love you and I want our relationship to last, right? So that's just an example of how you can communicate assertively and directly without having to feel like you're an. Another example is if someone's kind of smothering or just being a little much, and look, we all go through our. Let's say you feel like you just need a little space.

Speaker 1: (11:47)
You can say, I love spending time with you, but tonight I really need some space to recharge. Instead of saying, you never give me any space, or you're always up my, right? Saying those I need or I want is so much better than pointing a finger and saying, you, this is really beneficial in conversations like this. That being said, side note, if someone is really abusive, I mean the, it takes the cake, right? I'm talking about, let's say you're out of a, an abusive situation. You're looking for new friendships, new romantic ships, , new family ships, all the ships. You can really start to know how to have these, um, conversations, healthy conversations. If you, if you are still with someone who is very abusive to you, my advice is always to get out of those situations. It is going no contact. Uh, if you have to co-parent, then it's gray rock method.

Speaker 1: (12:43)
There are go, go search and binge my episodes about those. There's no contact and gray, gray rock method, um, episodes if you need that. But most of you here listening are from abusive situations that you are almost out of or out of. And this is especially for you preparing for moving forward. So you don't attract or not attract, but you don't end up in situations like you did in the past. In order to not end up in those relationships, we need to have firm boundaries. Number three, just say no. Saying no can be hard too for you people pleasers, I know it. Um, especially with certain dominant personalities, you might feel even worse saying, no, you're scared. We don't wanna be scared of people. First of all, if there's certain people who feel really like walking on eggs, shellies and nervous, you're gonna upset them.

Speaker 1: (13:38)
Evaluate those uh, ships if you will. But to establish boundaries, you have to learn to say no and it's okay. Don't feel guilty. It's okay to decline requests or invitations that do not align with your priorities or your values, right? This is what we're trying to create a life of joy, peace, freedom. If something comes into your life that you have a choice, whether you feel like it or not, you do, okay? But you have a choice to say yes to something or no, we need to practice saying more nos to things that just don't feel right or good to us. Okay? I'm giving you full permission. Tell 'em say, oh yeah, coach Kristy gave me permission. All right? So go talk to her about it. Tell 'em give 'em my email address. I'm all ears and I want you to hear me out, okay?

Speaker 1: (14:33)
I want, if nothing else from this podcast hits you in your heart, I want it to be this no is not a rejection of others, okay? It is a way of honoring yourself. I'm gonna say it one more time for the people in the back. Get ready. I'm gonna get louder. Remember just kidding. Remember saying no is not a rejection of others. It is a way of honoring you. So practice by saying it kind and respectful. Do your little sandwich if do, if you have to offer alternatives if possible. Like, no, I don't wanna take care of your dog for five days, but I would love to send you a package of biscuits for him. I don't know, that was a horrible one, but that's all I got right now. Okay, here's a real one that I've done. I had to choose one engagement over another, not like marriage engagement, but an event over another.

Speaker 1: (15:31)
And so I said to the one person that I did not choose, I said, I cannot come to your birthday party, but I would love to take you out for a birthday cocktail or dinner next week. Boom. Okay, so you, you get it. Or if you didn't wanna spend that time and energy, maybe on that person could say, thank you so much for the invite and here's a picture of me in my that, I mean, that's nice. I'm joking, I'm joking. This one I love so much. And actually there's a book called The Best Yes, by somebody , I'm always so helpful, aren't I? It's like Lisa k, that's not it. But if you look up on Amazon the best, yes, Lisa or Lisa, I think it's spelled with a y, something with a K at the end, I don't know. It's a Lisa and she has a best yes to talk about and it's a little religious, so if you're not into that, you're not into it but you can overlook it and get a lot from the book anyway.

Speaker 1: (16:28)
But it's really about saying yes to yourself and I just freaking love this book. It helped me set limits on my availability. That is number four. Setting limits on your availability. So defining clear limits on your time. This is like, I feel like this is one of those self boundaries too because if you don't, it's like, it's like it's not other people's fault if you are not even managing your time and you're not even valuing your own time. You know what I mean? You gotta be like having my own business. I gotta set my own hours. I do make exceptions occasionally and I feel good doing that. But there's some people that'll, you know, have their own business and they just work around the clock and around the clock and people expect them to answer emails in the middle of the night or whatever. So that's just an example of a business owner.

Speaker 1: (17:15)
But there's so many things like that where you become available to everybody and you need to set more realistic expectations with others about when you can or want to be available. So do this around your work hours, your social engagement and obviously the personal time. So this is another protection bubble, like this is really important and it was a game changer for me in my business. I struggled in the beginning cuz I'm like, oh well you know, you wanna get those clients and you want this and that. So sometimes with certain situations I think it's okay to occasionally, I don't wanna say break a boundary, but do something that feels right. Like there were certain clients I really wanted to work with that I loved and they were in totally different, different time zone. So I'm like, well I'll make one exception where I'll work one evening a week at five instead of ending at five, right?

Speaker 1: (18:11)
And pushed it a little like that's a real thing that happened. So you know, you have to listen your own intuition, but you can't get it. Let it get outta hand. So protect your time. And this is essential for self-care. We have all the self-care talk in like so many episodes and this is just an another way of caring for yourself, like carving out the time. I'm gonna do a whole other um, episode on intentional planning because when you actually sit there and block out time like a boss, like a boss's boss's boss with a queen boss, when you block out time for like, this is my work hours, this is my 30 minutes a day, I'm going to read a trashy novel. This is my 20 minutes at night, I'm going to sit in that lavender bath and blow bubbles and sing at the top of my lungs.

Speaker 1: (19:03)
Like you have to carve out the time. And when you do that so intentionally, you know when you're not doing that, right? So you're not gonna answer the phone when you know, this is my block plan, this is my block plan, I can't speak, this is my plan for this block of time, right? So I'll go into all of that in like I said another episode. But that's showing that intention of setting limits. And that's part of it is by planning. I love, I love a good planner. Anyone else? I want you guys to email me, okay? Fierce mama. See gmail.com. It's always in my show notes. I want you to tell me, do you prefer a paper planner where you can like touch it and hold it and put stickers all over it? And do, do, do, I dunno what that last part was.

Speaker 1: (19:50)
Or do you like a digital planner where it's all synced up to your phone and your laptop and your cousin's toe? Okay, I want you to tell me that in your email. I'd just like to know. And speaking of that, I think I'm gonna have an upcoming episode. All these episode ideas coming on planning because I have discovered a very exciting new, uh, it's a new way of planning that's like kind of like paper planner meets digital planner. I think I found, I think I finally found my planner love. I created my own planners by the way. So if you like paper planners, which I do, I use my own planner every day in my show notes. God, a lot of show notes calling out, look at me, I'm just promoting the outta myself today. But hey, I got some good. So I have a journal, but I also have a planner pad that has a to-do list.

Speaker 1: (20:44)
So it's got the top three priorities, it's got the to-dos for the day, then it's got a little block for gratitude and then it's got a little other dreams and plans block. I'm looking at it right now. I'm like reading down the list. My a d d doesn't let me remember all this. Um, and on the front, that's the back, the front has an hourly schedule that goes down the left side of the page and then it's broken out across horizontally. I have my dad's New York accent for a second horizontally. I got it horizontally where you, I have like my schedule is the first one. Then I have like my daughter's schedule, my husband's schedule. And this is great if you have multiple kids, you can see where everyone is like all at once. I freaking love it. I designed it and I love it.

Speaker 1: (21:30)
And then you have a little block for your self-care that you have to write in every day at the top of the page. What's your self-care for the day? So there that is. I think that's enough. Babbles. This is a good one. This is a long one. I hope you enjoy it because I did skip last the last two Thursdays. So you have time, you have time to listen to this whole binge of a show today and next week. Next week I think I'll be able to do two. This is my zero F summer, so I'm doing exactly what I wanna do when I wanna do it. And it's beautiful. You should try it. So fun. All right, I hope you guys are wonderful before we go. You know what time it is hand to heart. Okay, let's see. Ah, let's think about those boundaries. Yes. Number one, I am worthy of boundaries. Repeat it sister.

Speaker 2: (22:17)
I am worthy of boundaries.

Speaker 1: (22:21)
Second one, I'm going to start creating boundaries. Now

Speaker 2: (22:26)
I am gonna start creating boundaries. Now

Speaker 1: (22:31)
My third's gonna be, I'm gonna stop creepily whispering along with you. I'm gonna stop. I never listen to myself. Last one. I am not a people pleaser. I want us to not attach that to our names anymore. Okay? I wanna let go of that identity. I am not a people pleaser anymore. We can be loving, but we're not gonna please all the people but us. We stop that. Now can I get an amen? Thank you. All right, smooches and Oches and all that jazz. And I'll see you in the next episode.

Ways to Help Release Guilt and Self Blame After Narcissistic Abuse

Tue, 12 Nov 2024 10:47:39 -0500

This week, let's talk about 5 Ways to Help Release Guilt and Self Blame After Narcissistic Abuse

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I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.

DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE : 800-799-7233

TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hello, beauties. Hope everyone is having a fabulous summer so far, or winter if you're across the world. For me, I'm in summer mode. I'm in vacay mode. Life is good. And it just makes me realize that we truly can create a life we want, even when we've been through some. So today we're gonna talk about five ways to stop self blame and guilt after narcissistic abuse. And I'm doing a second podcast about this because it's come up a lot lately with my clients. Some followers have messaged me about the self-blame and just feeling like ashamed and beating themselves up. And we don't have time for that. So we're gonna get into it this episode.

Speaker 1: (00:50)
Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawly narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life. And I wished I could undo the damage I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:48)
All right, so as we know, recovering from narcissistic abuse can be very challenging, right? And overcoming the self-blame, the guilt that just, oh, you feel like, how did I let this happen? All of those thoughts can really kind of stunt your healing. So we have to kind of break through this in order to move forward. So here are five ways to help stop all those things that we just, like I said, we don't have time for. Let's move, let's move forward. And shimmy, shake, come on. The first one, really educating yourself about narcissistic abuse. Obviously in my journey I have gone very, very, very deep in understanding the dynamics of narcissistic abuse, right? It was part of my healing journey. It's how I'm here now, helping you, giving you information. But it was really essential for me to get through the guilt and everything. Like once I realized, wow, these are actually a specific type of people that do X, Y, Z, it's almost like a science.

Speaker 1: (02:54)
It becomes almost predictable. I say almost, cuz not every little nuance is always predictable, but when you really start understanding narcissists, they become pretty predictable and you kind of know they're next to move and you start to see it in a more logical slash technical way rather than an emotional way. And that is helpful for our journey in healing. So listening to podcasts like this, watching YouTube videos, there's a million TikTok videos you can watch. There's just so much information out there now, thank goodness about narcissistic abuse. That being said, some of it, you know, check your resource if there's accurate information. Sometimes people just throw stuff there, stuff out there. So if you really want to understand, it is helpful to work with a therapist or a coach like myself that has been through it and truly knows what's going on, the ins and outs of narcissism and the abuse that they cause, right?

Speaker 1: (03:55)
But understanding those dynamics can help you recognize the abuser's actions. Were not your fault. And until you really get how it all works, it's kind of hard to not feel like you had some hand in it and you didn't. So learning about the personality disorder, which is a real thing, a personality disorder that is very, I'd like to call it calculated. It's very, it's a manipulative type of abuse. Learning all of that can help provide clarity and validation to your experience. For us, I've been there, I get it. Needing that validation is essential, essential in our journey. And you, you can really get that through understanding how it all works, how they work. Number two, seeking support from a trusted network. Hopefully you have a person or two you can trust in your life. If not seeking out, like I said, a therapist or coach who truly gets it, who can validate your feelings.

Speaker 1: (05:05)
Part of what I love about my work is when I'm sitting there with a new client and they're explaining their story and talking about their history and their abuse, and when I get to tell them how it works, explain that it's not their fault. And usually in the first session or two, there's some relief that comes out of them just hearing, just feeling validated. But hearing like this isn't your fault. And sometimes it takes a little longer, honestly, for victims, survivors of narcissistic abuse to really accept that it's not their fault. That can be a journey on its own. But just having someone say it to them who's been through it and knows like, this is not your fault. You are not crazy. I know your truth. I believe you and I validate your feelings is one of the best things in my job. Because seeing that relief on someone's face and knowing what that felt like when I heard it the first time, I, oh, I might get a little emotional right now.

Speaker 1: (06:18)
It's just, it's just such a relief because you feel like you are batshit crazy or you did this somehow and it's your fault and, and you wrecked your own life. Maybe you wrecked your kids life, like all these awful thoughts that aren't true. And you get even just a little bit of relief in the first couple of calls. And then as we do more and more work, you're gonna by the end of it, be like, I'm a badass queen. I didn't do. This Emma Effa is a crazy person who made me believe all this stuff. But it's not true. And you see the real truth, and I love that journey. So yes, it's super helpful to have someone close to you that you can trust and talk about to it about it too, like friends or family and or a therapist or coach.

Speaker 1: (07:02)
Number three, and this is hard for some of us because of the dynamic that has been placed upon us by such narcissist practicing self-compassion. So be kind to yourself. Acknowledge, first of all, nobody's perfect. We were not handed a handbook on anything when we were born. Okay? Like, I mean, let's throw parenthood in there. Let's throw how to navigate relationships in general, whether you're with a narcissist or not. We have to learn and grow. It's part of life. Like nobody's born just knowing everything. And especially with these jacked up, crazy narcissistic, abusive dynamics, there's no handbook. And that would be a hell, hell of a long, crazy wild ride of a handbook if there was one. So be kind yourself. You didn't know how to navigate this. Nobody knows how to navigate a narcissistic abuse situation. Nobody, right? But what we can do is once we realize it, once we're aware enough, it's pulling yourself out of it that counts.

Speaker 1: (08:08)
And then it's saying, I want to create a different life. I see what happened. It sucked. It's not my fault. And now I'm gonna be me 2.0 and I'm gonna be a queen and I'm gonna get through this and I'm gonna heal and everything is gonna be okay. If you have to do some affirmations, you know, I'm a big affirmation person. I might mention them like every other podcast episode for a reason. Take some of those self-blaming thoughts. I want you to write 'em down. This is your homework. I want you to write three self-blaming thoughts, okay? And I then want you to flip 'em to the opposite. Okay? So if you say, let's, let's give an example. It's example time with CHristy. Okay? Let's say I stayed with someone who was abusive and that was so stupid. I'm so stupid. I want you to change that too.

Speaker 1: (09:08)
Someone was abusive to me and I'm smart enough to be trying to get out of it. If you're there or getting out of it, or I, I'm smart enough to have gotten out of the situation, give yourself props. You're not stupid. I want you to switch it around to the opposite. You are smart, you are strong. That's why you're listening to this, okay? I want you to do three of those affirmations. Write 'em down, flip the negative to the positive, stick 'em on your mirror. Say 'em every day when you wake up, say 'em every night while you're brushing your two. And tell me how it feels. So that kind of leads me to the next one, which is setting boundaries. So we've gotta build up that confidence and know we're worthy, we're okay, we went through hell, we're trying to work through it, or we're on the other side of it.

Speaker 1: (09:59)
We are climbing through the mud, but we're gonna, we're gonna do this and we're gonna start by setting boundaries with our new relationships or maybe some old relationships or family or friends that maybe are used to you being a certain way, but she's not here anymore and she has new plans and she's got plans with boundaries in 'em. , right? Like, we're not here to be taken advantage of or taken for granted anymore. So you have to prioritize your wellbeing, set those clear boundaries, and move forward and regain a sense of control over your life. You're here because your life got outta control and you don't want it outta control anymore, right? So let's take your power back, let's take your control back. And the first step of that is creating boundaries. I have a 10 part boundaries course, it's epic. And it is in my show notes.

Speaker 1: (10:55)
There is a link for it. It is extremely reasonably priced for all the content in there. And I did that for a reason because I want it to be attainable for people who can't work, uh, one-on-one with me for an extended period of time. I want you to be able to build your boundaries and it's self-paced. One will leak out, leak out, that sounds weird. One will drop every week and you have, you know, lifetime access to these videos. And it will help you learn how to evaluate what boundaries you need to set, what to do while setting those boundaries. Who to set them with all of that fun and how to have the hard conversations and what to do with those conversations don't go well. Everything about boundaries is in this course. So check it out. Go check the link after you listen to the rest of this podcast.

Speaker 1: (11:45)
So you got your boundaries set, you're ready to go. And then number five, you focus on those personal growth and healing aspects. Engage in activities that promote your healing, your personal growth. That could be, if you're into reading and journaling, do that. If you're just wanting to take a new course, do something new for yourself. Like what is something you have not done that you want to do? There's gotta be one thing. Do that thing you need. You might need to distract yourself while you're healing. That's okay. I hear all this. I'm sorry. This may be different from other things you've been told. I hear often, like you don't wanna distract yourself from healing. You have to dive in and go deep and, and don't just distract yourself. I, I call on that. I did some distracting, I don't think of it as distracting.

Speaker 1: (12:37)
I think of it as part of the healing. I think doing something that lights you up in the midst of some hard stuff is absolutely necessary. So if I wanna go pursue a new hobby, take an art class, take a photography class, go dancing my butt off, I'm gonna do that. I don't think it's escaping. I think it is a part of growing as a person and that's part of healing. Discovering the new you, this new identity. Figuring out what do I like as this new person? Who am I now besides a bombass queen? Okay, so by investing in your personal development, any and all of that things, there's a lot of free resources out there too. But investing that time, maybe some of it is money, maybe it takes some money to take some courses, whatever it is. But you can rebuild that self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

Speaker 1: (13:28)
And that, I'm sorry, is huge in the healing process. So don't listen to those people who tell you don't distract yourself. You gotta dive in and Uhuh, we don't need to sit crying on a couch 12 hours a day. We need to shine a light on what needs to be healed, work on the healing, not obsess over the healing and live our lives and discover who we are and enjoy life. Right? Right. Yeah, that sounds so much better than like the deep dark healing and the shadow work and oh, it's all too much. That's too much. Mm-hmm. Positive vibes. And I'm not saying, what's the whole word they say like bypassing now, I can't think of it, but like bypassing healing and just kind of like, oh, yay. Life is butterflies and flowers only. I'm not saying that, but I am saying again, we highlight the things we need to work on.

Speaker 1: (14:20)
We work on them in a reasonable amount of time in our weekly schedule. We do, it's good to focus on the meditation or the therapy, but also there's a hell of a beautiful, joyful life out there that has a peaceful aspect, joyful happiness, all those things. I know you wanna feel, you can feel them in parallel to doing the work. So I'm, I'm just not all about that life where you dive into the dark and you spend seven months straight really, you know, taken that shovel and digging and digging and, and everything's so dark and at the end you're gonna have this bright light. That's not how I do things. If you're here with me, you probably are like-minded to me. You have to do what's right for you. If you wanna go dig and get deep and dark for a couple months and really do all that stuff that and that feels like you, that's your prerogative.

Speaker 1: (15:13)
Cool. I'm here to tell you my experience, what worked for me and what seems to work for my clients, right? So there's a balance and we mostly like to lean on the positive side and the growth side and the discovering who the f we are after abuse side. I'm all about that. So remember, healing from this abuse is a process that takes time, but that process can still be enjoyable. And that's what I want you guys to get. And I think so many people are scared of healing or just like, oh, I have to do this and that and it feels heavy. I'm not here for you guys to have to feel heavy. I want to lift you up and make your lives brighter. And that's what I've done with my clients. I would love to do it with you. There is also, besides my boundaries course, if you wanna work one-on-one with me, I have different options. Go click on the little linky link in my show notes if you wanna do one-on-one coaching sessions. I love doing them. They are my jam. So go sign up and let's chat and I will see you. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Are we forgetting something? Are we forgetting? Little affirmation. Action. All right. Hands to heart. Not if you're driving. Okay, let's see. What's a good theme for today? Hmm. The guilt, right? Okay, let's take a deep breath. Hands on heart.

Speaker 1: (16:38)
I am releasing my guilt. My abuse was not my fault. I am ready to have peace cause I'm a queen. Yeah, you are. Yes you are. I will see you in the next episode. Smooches and Oches and all that stuff. Love you. Talk to you soon.

10 Ways to Regulate Your Emotions and Find Peace

Fri, 01 Nov 2024 17:19:11 -0400

Top 3% in podcasts globally

This week, let's talk about 10 Ways to Regulate Your Emotions and Find Peace

Want to start your day off feeling amazing?!
My EPIC 4 MINUTE empowering meditation is yours, free!

Join my free facebook group here:

And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;)

Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime!

https://christyjade.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

Wanna work with me 1:1?

Let's connect on social media!